Killing Me Softly
by CajunQueen714
Summary: Beca Mitchell was living the life she always dreamed of. She had a dream job, a beautiful house & a bank account that afforded her anything she wanted but one thing was missing. She found love in an unexpected place & believed her world was finally complete but she never imagined that her heart would soon be shattered & her soul destroyed. With time, could she learn to love again?
1. Chapter 1: Friendships and Fist Fights

**A/N: This fic is dedicated to Corinne and Stacey, my two biggest fans and best supporters. After countless hours of writing, the first chapter of this epic long fic is finally being posted. Thank you both so much for always believing in me and pushing me to step out of my comfort zone. I hope this fic makes you proud!**

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" _ **I never had no one**_

 _ **I could count on**_

 _ **I've been let down so many times**_

 _ **I was tired of hurtin'**_

 _ **So tired of searchin'**_

 _ **'Til you walked into my life**_

 _ **It was a feelin'**_

 _ **I'd never known**_

 _ **And for the first time**_

 _ **I didn't feel alone"**_

Rebeca Elizabeth Mitchell, or Beca as she was known to her family and friends, was a music lover; always had been, always would be. It had been used to lull her to sleep from the time she was very, very little. Whenever she was upset or crying and beyond comfort, her dad could always get her to calm down by playing the piano. When she was about two years old, he would put her on his lap and let her pound on the keys of his prized baby grand piano.

Realizing their daughter had quite the gift, her parents decided to register her for dance classes. Beca was very active with boundless energy and needed an outlet. She was still a little too young for formal music lessons so dance would have to do for now. She loved ballet and jazz but tap was her favorite because she enjoyed the noise her tap shoes made on the marble floors and the way it irked her Mom when she jumped up and down the stairs while she was trying to work.

Every morning they went through the same routine. Beca would wake up and immediately put her on leotard, tutu and taps shoes and every morning her mother explained that she couldn't wear her dance things to school. This usually resulted in a meltdown and her mother giving in to Beca's need to wear at least one of her dance things to preschool. As a result, and in an effort to keep the peace, Beca and her mother agreed that on Tuesdays she could wear her tutu to school… no questions asked. From then on, Tuesdays were marked on the calendar with a ballerina sticker as a reminder and would be forever known as Tutu Tuesday. This lasted for a couple of years until Beca realized that no one else was doing the same thing so she stopped, in an effort to fit in.

Beca began formal piano lessons when she was four and by the time she was eight, she was performing in piano recitals regularly, although she protested against the formality of it all and refused to wear the outfits her mother picked out. They often compromised with only minutes to spare; most of Beca's time on stage was spent in pretty sun dresses, pigtails or braids and Chucks; something her mother hated.

When Beca was six, she met Amy Nichols at a dance class. Amy was a chunky little thing with an attitude to match but that wasn't the first thing Beca noticed about Amy. The first thing she noticed was that Amy sounded different when she spoke. It didn't take Beca long to realize that it wasn't just the way she talked that wasn't the same... it was the fact she used to pretend to be a mermaid. Beca really liked that Amy was different. Lucky for the girls, their moms hit it off as well and planned play dates for them that would lead to a lifelong friendship.

At ten, Beca began taking guitar lessons and could play just about any song by ear, nodding her head to a beat only she could hear. She very seldom, if ever, looked at sheet music; in fact, her dad wasn't entirely sure she could actually read a lick of music. She was extremely talented and it showed in everything she did.

At twelve, she decided she wanted to learn to play the drums... which irked her mother and ultimately made Beca all the more determined. In the end, her dad built her an over-sized, soundproof music and dance studio in the backyard. She was able to store all of her equipment, instruments and dance gear, and her dad even installed floor to ceiling mirrors and a ballet bar so she had the perfect place to rehearse.

In addition to ballet, jazz and tap, Beca began taking lyrical and hip hop lessons. While her mother supported her desire to expand her knowledge of dance she couldn't wrap her mind around the idea of Beca taking hip hop lessons. She thought hip hop dance was something street thugs performed and terrorized old folks with and she didn't want Beca to have any part of it. It wasn't until she agreed to watch Beca dance one evening that she finally got it and understood Beca a little better.

Music and dance were the loves of Beca's young life. She lived and breathed for both. Her dad often joked that if he could hear Beca's heartbeat, it would sound like song. Many of her parents friends thought she was over scheduled but Beca disagreed. She was able to maintain all A's in school in addition to her innate ability to excel in both music and dance. As far as she was concerned, there wasn't enough time in the day. If she could skip school in favor of music and dance she would have done so in a heart beat.

When Beca was fourteen, she and her parents were approached about her becoming a junior dance instructor. The position offered her the ability to make a small amount of money while doing something she loved and adored. She was thrilled and initially began helping with with the two year old "Mini Movers" class, eventually moving up to the classes filled with elementary school kids. Beca loved teaching; it gave her yet another outlet as well as the ability to share her gift in yet another way.

All in all, Beca was very outgoing, well rounded and friendly but could be surprisingly introverted as well. In situations where she felt out of place or had no desire to interact, she retreated into herself and her music; ear buds in, world out. This usually lead to her dancing and creating routines for recitals or for her students in dance class.

As she entered high school, a place where groups of kids became best friends for life, Beca sat on the fence about who to trust. She had been burned by several 'friends' before so kept just a few in her little circle. She wasn't really interested in swapping homemade, cotton friendship bracelets or hanging out at the mall to waste a Saturday afternoon.

She developed an impressive eye roll and used it when her mother so much as suggested she ' _run along to play or have an afternoon dance party with Aubrey and the two other girls up the road'_. She would instead call Amy to come over and the two would enjoy the private confines of her backyard tree house or her studio, making as much noise as possible although Beca did fear for her life on more than one occasion when Amy would insist on showing her a new dance move she labelled 'crushing it'.

Beca was an honors student throughout high school, earning several awards and merits along the way. She kept her head down and her grades up and while she wasn't one of the popular girls like her cousin Aubrey, who was a year ahead of her in school, Beca was respected and liked among her peers. While she loved and adored Aubrey, she couldn't stand the noise that she and her cheerleader friends made and the high pitched squeals they managed to produce when a new episode of Pretty Little Liars was aired. It was just weird and _way_ too girly for Beca's liking.

Beca's home life was comfortable and the house she lived in was pleasant, large enough to get lost in for an hour or two but not so big that the family all lived separate lives. Every evening at six o'clock sharp, no matter what was going on, they all sat down for family dinner. Beca and her parents would take turns talking about their day and what was going on the next, it was very _Leave It To Beaver_ but they didn't care; it was their life and they loved every minute of it.

On Sundays, they alternated between their house and Beca's Aunt Gail's house for their weekly family dinner. After dinner, they would play a board game or watch a movie, except during football season, in which case, Beca watched the Oakland Raiders games with her dad and Uncle John while Aubrey entertained their mothers by giving them manicures.

 **o~O~o**

Beca's mom, Anne Abernathy-Mitchell, was a well known Los Angeles criminal prosecutor who ran for and won the very esteemed position of Criminal Court Judge with The Superior Court of California in Los Angeles County. Beca had never seen her mother cry before and while she wasn't a hard woman by any means, she kept her emotions in check and loved fiercely in private. The day the election results came in, Beca watched her mother sink into her favorite chaise lounge in the family room and weep as all of her hard work had finally paid off. Beca had rushed to her side and they hugged, silently, for what seemed like forever before Anne could tell her daughter the wonderful news.

William Mitchell was a Comparative Literature professor at the University of California, Los Angeles. In his spare time he sponsored the campus choir and gave private piano lessons to underprivileged children in the area. He was decent, kind and more than willing to stay behind at school to coach a student who was struggling. In turn, his undergraduates respected him and his classes were always full. William truly believed in teaching the arts and always encouraged his students to try new and exciting things. Believing in his subject, he also established contacts with London colleges and encouraged his students to travel there for a semester while graciously accepting foreign scholars on an exchange.

William and Anne doted on their daughter who wanted for nothing in life… except a brother or sister. Will and Anne wanted very badly to give her siblings but things just didn't work out. Anne had some infertility issues so they were lucky to have gotten pregnant with Beca, who they always considered to be their miracle baby.

Anne's sister Gail and brother-in-law, John had a daughter named Aubrey who was only 18 months older than Beca and from the time they were both very small, the two were as thick as thieves. Both only children, the girls created a bond early on and while their interests in life were very different; Aubrey preferring cute boys, short shorts and new lip glosses whereas Beca was all about dancing, music, her studies and keeping out of the way of anything being painted on her face. The two girls shared a love of music and singing and were often found writing lyrics and performing for their parents after Sunday dinner. As hard as Beca tried, she couldn't teach Aubrey to dance though, the girl was tall and lanky and had two left feet.

Life with the Mitchell's and the McKadden's was always interesting since Beca and Aubrey were never at a loss for things that kept their parents on their toes. There was the one time that Beca got curious and decided to try her Mom's favorite Godiva chocolate liqueur and fell asleep in front of the TV. After falling asleep, Aubrey ' _painted'_ Beca's face with too many layers of makeup. When Beca woke up she screamed that she looked like an ' _effin' clown'_ and as she scrubbed the paint off her face, she vowed to get Aubrey back.

Within a few weeks, it was finally Beca's chance to retaliate. With some urging from Amy, she stole Aubrey's wig from her part as Rizzo in the high school production of Grease. Standing on Amy's shoulders, Beca stuck the wig on a statue in school courtyard. It was hung in such a fashion that suggested he needed to be manscaped. With a pair of dog clippers, Beca proceeded to shave it while Aubrey watched on with a sheer look of horror on her face.

Everything was always done in fun and always with the next target and joke in mind. No one and nothing was ever safe with those two around. They kept things interesting and fun.

 **o~O~o**

Beca wasn't lonely, despite the misconception that only children didn't play well in the sandbox with others. She had been able to entertain herself, whether it was beheading innocent dolls, playing music, dancing or reading books, her ability to entertain not only herself but others ran the gamut from a very young age.

She and Luke Donovan were best friends and had been since childhood. There was nothing that either one of them wouldn't do for each other. Due to his father's work, Luke and his family moved to the United States from London, England when he was almost eight. The Donovan family moved into a very comfortable home next door to the Mitchell's on Silverado Springs Drive in Beverly Hills. While Luke's father, Spencer Donovan, instructed and supervised the movers, Luke's mother, Claire, took him and his younger brother Jake to the neighborhood park to burn off the excess energy they had from travelling the entire day.

Luke wasn't a shy boy, but was quite reserved at times and liked to watch from the safety of the sidelines before joining in any type of activity. He had a cheeky smile, beautiful blue eyes and so many of his older relatives would love to pinch his cherubic cheeks but his sweet nature kept him from worrying about it. He just rolled with it.

Luke was excited to see so many kids at the park on the first Saturday in June and hoped he would make at least one new friend before school began. As he scanned the park, he spotted the cutest girl he'd ever seen. She wasn't playing with the others but instead was sitting on a bench listening to her iPod and reading a Harry Potter book. He noticed that she seemed perfectly happy doing what she was doing as she swung her feet back and forth and as she fervently read her book. Her hair was in a cute braid and she had a pair of drum sticks poking out of her back pocket. Even though he hadn't yet met her, Luke thought she was the coolest girl he'd ever seen in his young life.

His attention was momentarily diverted to a tussle that broke out near the jungle gym. Two boys were really going at it and the name calling was getting louder and louder. He could hear the larger, curly brown haired boy shouting insults at the smaller ginger boy. Luke watched as they threw down and wrestled on the ground as the crowd of children gathered around them chanting ' _fight, fight, fight!'_. As Luke turned back toward the little girl on the bench, he felt something brush by him. It was her and he watched as she stomped her way over towards the boys who were fighting. Luke decided to follow at a safe distance. He wanted to see what was going to happen.

"Problem boys?" she asked, as she put her hands on her hips and sassily cantered her hip.

"Hey moron!" one of the boys said to her.

"Cole, who do you think you're callin' moron?"

"You! If you weren't a girl, I'd beat your face in." Cole said to her.

"Oh yeah! If you _were_ a boy, I'd kick you in the balls." she told him. She was tiny in comparison to the boys but she wasn't backing down. In fact, she walked closer to the punk and raised herself up on her tiptoes.

Luke was more than interested now. This girl was tough as nails and as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, she defiantly stared at the boy identified as Cole. Luke looked around for his mother but saw her off to the side talking with another Mom who was animatedly explaining how to get to the local Wal-Mart and told her not to go to the deli counter on Wednesdays because the girl working apparently only showered every other week. His brother was busy hanging upside from a large tree merrily making new friends.

"What do you mean ' _if I was a boy'_?" He asked.

"Did I stutter?" She deadpanned.

"Aww… you asked for it." The boy reared back and swung at her. She ducked just in time for his fist met a pretty ugly fate. As it hit the wooden post, the loud crack could be heard around the playground.

"Shit!" the boy yelled as he began shaking his hand before looking down to see the damage.

Little Beca Mitchell took the opportunity to kick Cole Williams in the shin before she slugged him right square in the mouth, causing him to fall backwards onto the asphalt. "Now, get out of here!" she yelled as Cole tried to pick himself up off the ground and hide the fact that he'd wet his pants.

Beca immediately went over to check on Tyler Gibson, the ginger boy who, Luke noted with horror, was sucking the souls out of the other children on the playground left, right and center. He had always heard his grandmother say that about gingers but never truly understood what that meant until that day. There was a real sense of evil emanating from that kid.

"Forget Cole. He's a buttface." Beca told him as she offered her hand to help him up. "He's jealous because you're smart and funny. Girls really like that."

Tyler wiped his nose on his sleeve before standing up on his own. "What girls?"

"Lots of girls." Beca kicked at the rocks with the tip of her sneaker. "I mean… _I_ like you."

"Well, I _don't_ like _you_! Now everybody thinks I need a girl to fight for me! Cole was right... you really _are_ a moron!"

With tears in her eyes and the humiliation gremlin on her back, Beca reared back and punched Tyler. Right in the nose.

Tyler grabbed his face, "Owww… my nose!" He cried out as he ran away.

"WIMP!" Beca yelled in Tyler's direction. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and straightened upright before heading back to her bench to wait for Amy. As she picked up her book, she glared at the crowd of children who stood watching her. They dispersed quickly and she was close to smiling until she saw one tall, blonde boy still staring at her.

"Wow! I'm gonna marry that girl one day!" Luke muttered to himself as he winked and put a thumb up in Beca's direction in a show of solidarity. His heart jumped a little as she grinned back at him.

From that day forward, Luke and Beca were inseparable. They were like peanut butter and jelly, peas and carrots, milk and cookies. Luke figured that there was no way he ever wanted to be on the receiving end of Beca's fist, no matter how small it was. The best way to ensure that never happened was to make sure she had his back if anything ever happened.

And she did.

Life had a funny way of throwing a few curve balls.

When Luke was 12, he and his dad were in a car wreck and he was in the hospital for a week. Beca insisted that her parents drive her over to visit Luke every single day. She took comic books and English candy that she had procured from one of her Dad's British exchange students when she came to their house to work on a difficult part of her course work one Saturday afternoon.

In turn, when Beca was 13 and was suffering in bed with monthly stomach cramps, Luke would bring over ice cream and would sit quietly writing out Beca's ingenious musical numbers that she had no energy or inclination to write herself.

Beca and Luke attended every school dance together, including prom. They sat next to each other in every class they had together and would only attend a party if the other one was going. They studied together and would stay over at each others houses so much, that they kept a set of pajamas and a toothbrush there. They both knew where the hide-a-key was kept, they knew the alarm codes for the security system and would turn up and wait even if the rest of the family was not home.

Beca would sneak out late into the night and call for Luke, whose bedroom was conveniently located directly across from hers. She'd toss acorns at the window and persuade him to lay out on the roof and look at the stars with her. They'd talk endlessly about everything and nothing and didn't care that none of it made any sense. That was the point, after all.

Luke encouraged Beca to write music and sing more. He loved nothing more than to listen to her delicate tones, as they dipped their toes into the pool while drinking Dr Pepper and eating Doritos on Saturday afternoons. Sometimes Aubrey would grace them with her presence, and if the mood took her, one of Aubrey's many boyfriends would join them as well.

Naturally, when Beca and Luke were deciding what college to attend, they applied to all of the same colleges. Beca's dad was a Comparative Literature professor at UCLA and wanted nothing more than for Beca to attend but as much as he wanted to, he couldn't dictate where she went.

To Beca's surprise, she received acceptance letters to UCLA, University of Texas at Austin, Berklee College of Music and Vanderbilt University. Ultimately, the Golden State won out though. Beca couldn't imagine leaving California to go across the country and William Mitchell was over the moon with excitement.

Luke made his decision the same day, having received acceptance letters from UCLA, Berklee and Vanderbilt. They were bummed that they couldn't room together but were excited to find out that there were coed dorms, which meant they could at least be in the same building. Their parents promised that if they did well Freshman year, then they would consider getting them an on-campus apartment together. Instead, Beca roomed with Amy who had also followed them both to college. Beca often woke up to find Amy, a sleepwalker since she was in third grade, hovering over her while whispering something sinister sounding about butt confidence.

While in college, Beca and Luke spent their free time working at the campus radio station, and while they both tried dating other people; Luke being quite the eye candy, they could never quite find the right person to be with and always taking comfort in the company of each other.

After a football game they decided to put their fake ID's to good use. They went to Dr. Feel-Good's tattoo parlor just off campus to get their first tattoos, which landed them in very hot water with their parents. They decided to choose each other's inking. Beca was surprised at Luke's choice of a flower for her shoulder. He explained that, while she was his best friend, he did also see her as a beautiful, talented young woman and said that she should always wear something pretty. Beca chose a tribal piece that included a cross and wings for Luke, which he had tattooed on his left bicep. Luke's Mom fussed about it for exactly 11 months but he loved it and said that he felt like he had a little piece of Beca with him all the time.

As studying began to take up more and more of their time, they began to live more independently of each other, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. They made a pact that no matter what was going on it their lives, they'd meet up once a week and head out on the back of Luke's motorcycle to nowhere in particular only stopping when they saw something that sparked their interest.

As the years went by, boyfriends and girlfriends came and went, new challenges were presented and they both started working but they always stayed true to their pact. Beca and Luke never lost touch and were always there for each other, a hidden message in a text was always spotted and the tone of a voice was often scrutinized. If either of them needed a date somewhere, they both knew they could rely on each other.

After four years at UCLA, Beca graduated with honors with a degree in Music Engineering and Production. Beca was a producer and talent scout for Warner Brothers Records. She had been lucky enough to land an internship the summer between her freshman and sophomore year of college and had been there ever since. She had been hardworking from the very beginning, throwing herself into her work and the executives took notice right away. She had a work ethic that most college kids her age didn't possess. The summer after her junior year, she was offered a full time, paid position with the label. It wasn't long before she worked her way through the ranks and was doing exactly what she had set out to do.

Luke had also done very well for himself. He also graduated with honors with a degree in Music Production and Business Management. He too was lucky enough to have found an internship, however it wasn't at Warner. His long hours at Universal Music Group paid off when he received a full time offer about a month before graduation.

Work often got in the way of their personal life but they still spoke several times a week while they found their way in the world, and finding their way often times took them far from home. Beca hated traveling alone and always asked Luke to join her as she scouted the country for new talent. If his schedule allowed, they'd meet up and it was as if no time had passed at all.

Life was changing for Beca, so it didn't take very long for Luke to notice the difference in his best friend when they met up for beers after a particularly busy week. It took him exactly 3 minutes and 14 seconds to weedle the truth out of Beca and he wasn't quite sure how he felt about it.

She'd fallen for a guy named Jesse.


	2. Chapter 2: Battles and Bad Decisions

**o~O~o**

 **Chapter Two**

 **o~O~o**

Beca moaned and rolled over when she heard the annoying sound of a train whistle coming from her phone, the sound alerting her that she had a new text message from Sawyer. She looked at her alarm clock… 5:47am. What the actual fuck?! Blinking several times in an effort to wake up, Beca picked up her phone and opened the text silently cursing the early start.

" _ **Meeting my office, one hour. Bring Starbucks. Thanks, SB"**_

Sawyer Barrett was Beca's boss. The man possessed enough talented for ten people but he didn't exactly sleep when the rest of the world did. He suffered with horrible insomnia and because he did, he usually called meetings at the most unGodly hours. Sawyer was in his late thirties and accepted no excuses for being late or submitting shoddy work. He made sure all potential employees knew this in their interviews and he pushed harder when he saw real talent and promise. He liked Beca from the get go and had circumnavigated around his own boss to make sure Beca received her intern position which later involved working directly for him.

Silently cursing Sawyer, Beca reluctantly got out of bed and made her way to the ensuite bathroom to shower quickly. After dressing in a pair of dark washed skinny jeans, a white sweater and a pair of dark brown knee high riding boots; she applied her make-up and curled her hair to absolute perfection before completing her outfit with the perfect accessories.

She was going to be late and quite frankly, she didn't care. The fact that she looked as good as she did when she'd only been out of bed for a grand total of 53 minutes, was a miracle in and of itself. Giving herself a quick glance before leaving the house, she cussed at the early start once more before heading out to her brand new Audi TTS Coupe.

Twenty minutes after leaving home, Beca was walking in the office, scowl on her face and Starbucks in her hand. She dropped her purse on her desk and made her way down the hall with the piping hot drinks in hand. Sawyer's door was open and she could hear him chicken pecking the keyboard. The man really needed to learn how to type. But she also knew she needed to give him a break.

"You're late!" Sawyer said when he heard her walk in.

"Fuck you!"

"I would but you won't let me!" Sawyer said chuckling.

"Someone had better be dying or bleeding!" Beca announced as she walked into his office and placed the cardboard cup on his desk, narrowly missing a stack of important paperwork. As she sat down, she produced her breakfast and took a sniff as Sawyer looked up with interest.

"Well, if it isn't my sarcastic little ray of sunshine… and with my favorite coffee." Sawyer said with a huge grin.

"Dude, you fuckin' texted me at 5:47 this morning." Beca complained as she took a sip of her green tea. "You know damn good and well that I don't get up before 7:45."

"I know, I know." He said stealing a piece of Beca's lemon pound cake.

Beca smacked his hand. "First you wake me at an unGodly hour and then you steal my breakfast. You're cruisin' for a bruisin' buster!"

"Promise?" he said with a wink.

Beca smirked. "You have no idea how much I want to punch you in the face right now."

"But I've got good news!"

"This better be good." Beca mumbled. "By the way, you owe me sixteen bucks for coffee and breakfast."

Sawyer pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and handed Beca a twenty, then went on to tell her that he was sending her to the Annual Battle of the Bands the following week. Beca knew that Sawyer would either send her or Zaine and secretly she loved that he had chosen to send her but the news could have waited until nine o'clock when she was scheduled to be in the office.

Later that day, and armed with all the information she gathered from researching the top ten bands, Beca was on the phone with Luke asking him to go with her to the Annual Battle of the Bands at the House of Blues. She was hoping that he would drop everything to go. When she sensed him wavering, she even offered to get a ticket for his current girlfriend Allie, thinking she was the reason why he sounded so distracted. Unfortunately, Luke said he had a prior engagement with work and couldn't make it, not to mention that Allie hated that he and Beca were so close and often went to work related events together.

Beca was disappointed that Luke said he was busy. Her year long relationship with Ryan had recently ended and while she was perfectly capable of attending Battle of the Bands on her own, it was always more fun with a crowd. In the past, at events similar to this one, she actually used some of her friends reactions as confirmation whether a band was worth a shot as they were the buying public after all.

Ryan had loved going to events with Beca and was always more than happy to have her on his arm. He was 6' 4" and towered over her very petite 5' 2" frame. He was lean but very tone with dark wavy hair and the greenest eyes she'd ever seen. He made it known how proud of her he was and knew her work was important but most importantly, he loved how respected she was in the music industry. Seeing her in her element was always so rewarding and he'd gotten to meet some of the artists he admired.

Beca had loved Ryan and she knew he loved her; he sent her random text messages throughout the day and she'd often come home from work to find a single white rose laced through her gates. The gesture, while simple, was enough for Beca to know his feelings for her. He waited patiently while her work took her all over the world; her job often meant that their time and plans had to be cancelled or postponed at the drop of a hat if she was needed in London, Paris or New York at a moments notice. She always invited him to go with her and he would often accompany her if his schedule allowed him to. However, Ryan was one of the two lead engineers working on the new Disneyland expansion and as the project really began to take off, he was finding it less and less easy to just drop everything to jet set around the world with her.

Eventually they ended their relationship after they hadn't managed to see each other a single time for close to a month. They parted on good terms and with promises to remain friends, both knowing that was not going to happen, having known each other in the biblical sense, it was never easy to go back to the friendzone.

Beca also extended an invitation for the evening to Amy but she was going on a date with some guy she met in the produce aisle at Whole Foods. He'd handed her a banana and told her to answer it, then he picked up another one and had a full blown conversation with her about how ripe the melons she was holding were.

Amy had been seeing him for a few weeks and really seemed to like him, though Beca couldn't understand why. He looked like whack-a-mole and was named after some random car part that Beca couldn't remember. It was something like Hood or Tailpipe… no that wasn't it. Maybe it was Wiper or Headlight? No… it was Bumper! That was it. The dude's name was Bumper and Beca was pretty sure it was because his face had met a bumper or two in recent years. She really needed to make an effort to remember his name, of course, it would be a lot easier if she actually knew his _real_ name. Amy was one of her best friends and by the sounds of it, Bumper wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

So, two days before the Battle of the Bands event, Beca called Aubrey and asked her to go. Aubrey was initially miffed that Beca waited until ' _the last minute'_ to call but eventually agreed to go but only if Beca would go shopping with her for a new outfit and she had to get her boyfriend, Ben Applebaum a ticket to go as well. Beca was more than happy to do both. She liked Ben so she had no problem getting him a VIP ticket from Sawyer and if she was being honest, she needed something new and edgy to wear to the event anyway so going shopping wasn't the worse thing Aubrey could ask her do.

 **o~O~o**

Battle of the Bands was a contest in which local talent, usually rock or metal bands, but often musical acts from a range of different styles, competing for the title of "Best Band". To enter, artists had to complete a short informational profile and then upload a band logo, official band photo and at least one demo. All the information was distributed to local and national recording companies in an effort to, not only promote the event, but in the hopes of getting cool prizes as well.

The final three bands would each be allowed to perform a one hour set and the chance to win over the judges for the big prize. The winner would be determined by a panel of judges and/or the general response of the audience and receive prizes in addition to bragging rights. Prizes usually included cash, free recording time in a local recording studio, the ability to perform at a local event, a piece of new equipment and/or gift certificates to music supply stores.

Beca always looked forward to this event. It usually attracted amazing talent as well as really good crowds, which was always entertaining to watch in itself. She inwardly smirked to herself when she saw barely dressed woman throwing themselves at the male lead singers and overweight guys trying to strut their stuff and impress the female groups. Luckily the painful ear splitting groups were weeded out early and told ' _thanks but no thanks'_ weeks before the actual event which always made the event _so_ much more enjoyable.

Beca was really excited about the outfit she purchased and had been itching to wear it but swore to Aubrey that she wouldn't wear it before Battle of the Bands. She bought a sheer long sleeved leopard print top, black leather pants and a black studded belt. Since the top was sheer, she also made a stop at Victoria's Secret for a new very sexy, lacy push up bra and matching panties. Aubrey tried to convince her to buy a new pair of boots as well, but Beca already had the perfect pair of black leather Steve Madden booties at home to complete the outfit.

On the day of the event, Beca left work early; Sawyer still owed her from her very unwelcome 5:47am wake up call the week before. She stopped at her favorite salon for a mani/pedi then went straight home to fix dinner before jumping in the shower and changing. She applied heavy mascara with winged eyeliner and a grey smoky eye to finish the look. Pulling the towel from her head, she decided to comb her hair with her fingers before applying volumizing gel as she scrunched it into loose waves to complete the rocker chick look she was trying to pull off. Giving herself a final glance in the mirror and her hair an extra scrunch or two, she slipped her feet into her boots to complete her outfit.

Satisfied, she went downstairs and headed towards the kitchen. Pulling the chilled bottle of her favorite wine from the fridge, she turned on the TV and settled in to her favorite spot on the couch with a glass of wine to wait for Aubrey and Ben. When they arrived fifteen minutes later; Aubrey used her key, thinking Beca wouldn't be ready, they couldn't believe their eyes, Beca was definitely looking the part of a trendy, hot record producer.

"You look amazing Bec!" Aubrey squealed, dropping her purse onto the nearest chair. "But umm… don't you think you should button your top? Or perhaps put a pretty cami on?"

"Uhh… no, I've achieved the desired look." Beca smirked as she tried to get out of the vice Aubrey was currently putting her in. "You look great too." she finally said to Aubrey, once she was released.

"If you want to run around half naked, then suit yourself." Aubrey said taking a sip of wine from Beca's glass without asking. "Mmm, this is good stuff Bec!"

"Well, I'm not gonna buy shitty wine Aub." She snarked as she took her glass back. "The bottle is on the counter in the kitchen; help yourself to a glass. There's also kabobs and grilled veggies in the pan on the stove."

"Oh yum!" Aubrey said as she headed toward the kitchen. She loved Beca's cooking and had always told her that if she didn't make in the music industry, she could have gone to culinary school.

"Hey Ben!" Beca said giving her cousin's boyfriend of three years a friendly hug. "How have you been?"

"I'm great, thanks… you?" Ben asked immediately regretting the fact that he asked. Beca and Ryan had broken up four months earlier and he knew from what Aubrey had told him that Beca was still hurting. Apparently, she really liked the guy but things just hadn't worked out.

"I'm good." She told him, looking directly at her feet. She didn't really expect him to believe what she was saying since she really didn't fully believe it herself.

"Well, you look great." Ben said as he spun Beca around.

"Thanks. You're not so bad yourself."

"Oh my God Beca… these kabobs are to die for! You have to give me the recipe." Aubrey said, munching heartily on the food on her plate.

Beca laughed. "Newsflash Aub, it's seasoned meat, veggies and fruit on a stick then grilled. It's not that hard." She and Ben laughed as they walked into the kitchen to find Aubrey completely pigging out on kabobs and veggies. "Geez… hungry much?"

"I'm always hungry for your cooking. I swear you should have become a chef instead of a music producer! Why do you always cook so much?"

"Because, it gives me leftovers to either freeze or eat later… unless _you_ come over that is." Beca told her as the doorbell rang. "I'll be right back. Ben, don't let her eat all of what's left, elbow your way in there and get yourself something to eat too."

A few minutes later, Beca re-entered the kitchen. "Our ride is here so whenever you're finished pigging out on my leftovers we can go."

"Just one more." Aubrey said holding one finger up in Beca's direction.

Beca rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Put the lid back on that pan and put in the fridge when you're done. I'll be right back."

She went upstairs to her bedroom to collect her purse and give herself another once over before leaving. She reapplied her lip gloss then adjusted her boobs in her push-up bra, making sure they were nice and perky, because you could never be too sure when you would meet the man of your dreams… or so her mother always told her. Then there was _'always be sure to wear clean panties in case you get in a car wreck'_ because that's the first thing you worry about, right? Of course, her mother definitely wouldn't approve of her current attire… or lack there of, which was precisely why she chose it. When she was satisfied that she couldn't look any better than she already did, she took a quick selfie and sent it to Luke with the caption, " _Eat your heart out!"_

He immediately texted back, " _Damn girl, put those things away! Have fun!"_

Beca laughed as she walked back down the stairs. "Ok you two… Bernie's been waiting outside, let's go!"

"Who's Bernie?" Ben asked.

"The limo driver."

"Oh cool… we're going in style tonight."

Beca poured another glass of wine and guzzled it quickly before walking toward the door, turning out lights as she went, only leaving the small lamp near the front door on. When the door was locked, Beca used the app on her phone to set the alarm and made her way to the car.

As an apology for not being able to attend, Luke sent a limo for Beca, Aubrey and Ben so that they could have a good time without worrying about drinking and driving. As always, Luke was always looking out for Beca's best interests and well-being. He went all out too… he had sent the Bentley for them.

 **o~O~o**

When they arrived at the House of Blues, everyone stopped and stared, waiting to see who was going to get out of the limo. The crowd was buzzing and Beca had a good feeling that something good was going to happen that evening. Once they checked in, they were ushered towards the VIP entrance of the venue where all of the recording studio execs were already schmoozing and drinking. Beca, Aubrey and Ben stood around catching up while drinking cocktails and eating hor d'oeuvres that were being passed around by waiters in tight t-shirts and jeans while they waited to be seated at their table near the stage.

"Beca this is great!" Ben told her as he looked around at the plethora of glitter balls and tall vases filled with long stemmed lilies. "Thanks for the invite."

"Oh sure! Let me know if there's ever a concert you want tickets for." She told him genuinely.

"Oh cool… really?!"

"Absolutely! You have my number… use it!"

One of the employees from House of Blues walked up to Beca and discretely tapped her on the shoulder. "Ms. Mitchell, my name is Jason, I'll be your waiter for the night."

"Hi Jason. This is my cousin Aubrey and her boyfriend Ben." Beca told him.

"Nice to meet you." Ben said extending his hand.

"Same here." Jason said as he turned back to Beca. "Ms. Mitchell, can I show you and your guests to your table?" Jason asked.

"Yes, please… and Jason, it's Beca, no need to be formal." she said as she, Aubrey and Ben followed him.

"Yes ma'am." Jason replied.

Beca rolled her eyes. _Ma'am?_ _Was she really that old?_ She didn't feel like it. Oh well… whatever.

She was really excited to see that the table where Jason was seating them was front and center. Sawyer must have paid a pretty penny for it. 'And rightly so!' she mused.

"May I get you guys something from the bar?" Jason asked as they sat down. He straightened Aubrey's coat after she'd hung it on the back of her chair.

"I'll have a Cranberry Kamikaze and 3 Strawberry Jalapeño Shots ." Beca told him, before looking around at the others. "Do y'all want anything?"

"Dos Equis with lime for me." Ben said turning to Aubrey. "What do you want babe?"

"I'll have a lemon drop martini." Aubrey responded.

Beca leaned toward Aubrey, "We all know what else drops when you drink those, so you had better be careful missy." she said with a wink. Ben laughed and was met with an elbow to the gut.

Jason blushed. "Awesome choices all around. I'll be back shortly." He said before making his way to the bar.

A few minutes after Jason brought their drinks, the first band started and Beca went into producer mode. She took her iPad out of her purse so she could take a couple of photos and notes in an excel spreadsheet she prepared. She also had her own scoring system based on things she observed about each group. She had a very skilled method to what appeared to be total madness on the screen.

She wasn't immediately impressed by the first few bands she heard and wondered what the judges were thinking when they put these through to the next round. If this was the best of the worst, then the night didn't look very promising.

During the short intermission; something that Beca welcomed for the first time in forever, she received a text from Amy. " _Hey hussie! I see you."_

Beca looked around but didn't see Amy. " _Hey bitch! Where are you?"_

Unfortunately, Amy still hadn't learned that she shouldn't try to do more than one thing at once… ever. She was stumbling drunk and trying to text Beca all the while balancing a full glass of vodka and cranberry on her boobs when she tripped over her own feet and ran into the back of Aubrey's chair. Aubrey shrieked as the ice cold contents of Amy's glass went all over her head, making her perfectly coiffed hair a wet, sticky mess.

"Oh for fucks sake Amy!" Aubrey barked as she tried to dry her hair and face with the sleeve from Ben's coat. "Your name should have been Grace!"

"I'm really sorry Aubrey." Amy said, at least having the decency to look embarrassed.

Beca laughed as she stood to greet Amy. "Calm down Aub. She didn't mean it."

Ben, who had been helping Aubrey dry off, nipped her earlobe with his teeth and whispered, "I'll have fun licking this off of you later."

Aubrey smiled and pecked his cheek. "But my new dress is ruined."

"As great as it looks on you..." Ben whispered into her ear as he stroked her neck with his nimble fingers, "... it's going to look even better on the bedroom floor."

"You two need to get a room." Beca told them as Amy sat between her and Aubrey.

"You're just pissy because you wish you had someone to _get_ a room with." Aubrey snarked.

"Whoa missy! That was below the belt." Amy jumped in. "You just added unnecessary fuel to my hate fire." Aubrey knew that Beca still wasn't completely over Ryan and the comment she made was bitchy and way out of line.

"Nothing below the belt, just stating the facts." Aubrey said as she motioned for Jason to come over. "The only action Beca is getting tonight is from her vibrator."

"Fuck you Aubrey!" Beca yelled.

Amy stood up and her chair scraped across the floor. She put her finger in Aubrey's face and said, "Buckle up buttercup! You just flipped my bitch switch!" She said as she reached for a glass of water and promptly threw it in Aubrey's face.

"That was wicked rude!" Aubrey said as she wiped her face for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

"Don't cross me bitch!" Amy said as she gave Aubrey the stank eye. "I will crush you."

Beca grabbed Amy's arm. "Amy sit… that bouncer saw what happened and he's on the way over here. So, cool it."

"But Beca, Aubrey's nastiness needs dealing with."

"Save it for another day...or we'll be outta here quicker than a dozen Krispy Kreme's at a fat kid camp."

Amy looked up and saw the bouncer headed their way. "Roger that boss. Over and out."

The bouncer had indeed made his way over to Beca's table. After giving everyone a stern warning about behaving themselves or risk being thrown out and banned if there was any more trouble, he walked away. At Beca's urging, Amy and Aubrey kissed and made up and everyone was back to having a good time.

Moments later, Battle of the Bands was back in full swing and while the first few bands had sucked ass, the bands did get better as time went on… or maybe it was the alcohol that was making them _sound_ better. Beca couldn't really tell because she lost track of how much she had to drink. She had Jason bringing drinks and shots almost constantly.

The second half of the show was only about half way through when Beca threw back another shot and noticed that Aubrey was looking a little green in the gills and had started to drink water a few rounds before. "Aub, you ok?" Beca yelled over the music.

She shook her head no very carefully; feeling the room spin with every movement. "No, I think we need to head out."

"I can have Bernie bring you home and then come back for me later." Beca offered.

"Thanks, but I've already called Uber for a car." Ben said. "Probably best that I take her straight home. I just hope she doesn't call Chuck or Ralph during the ride home. You know how she's prone to puking."

"Shut up _Benjamin_!" Aubrey yelled.

"Text me when you get home." Beca said to Ben as she stood up and hugged him fiercely before offering a tentative hug towards Aubrey, keeping her distance slightly in case of a puke fest and Aubrey. "Feel better Aub. Remember a full glass of water and two Advil before you go to bed so you don't get a hangover."

"Thanks, I remember." she said with a small smile.

Ben pulled out his wallet, "I"m not sure what we owe for drinks but…"

"Put your money away." Beca told him. "Drinks are on me."

"No, I can't do that." Ben pleaded. "We drank a lot."

"Tell you what… you can catch it next time." Beca told him. "Tonight, your job is to make sure my cousin gets home safe and sound."

"I can do that. Thanks again Becs." Ben said, leaning down as he kissed her on the cheek.

"No problem. Don't forget to text me."

"Sure thing."

Turning back to Amy, Beca asked "Soo… where's lover-boy?"

"Who?"

"Bumper? Your date!" Beca said rolling her eyes. "He is your date tonight… right?"

"Yeah! Shit! I forgot about him." Amy said looking around. "I told him I was going to the ladies room. Probably thinks I fell in."

"Well… you better get back to him before you get left."

"Yeah, he'll send out a search party." Amy said as she stood up. "You gonna be ok alone Short Stack?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Beca said hugging her friend.

"Call me tomorrow and let me know who you signed."

"Will do. Now go find that boy toy of yours."

"Don't work that vibrator too hard tonight."

"Bye Amy!" Beca kissed her cheek. "I love you!"

"Love you too Becs. Amy said as she walked off to find Bumper. "Chat soon!"

 **o~O~o**

Once everyone was gone, it was time for Beca to sober up a little and get back to work. She needed to scout at least three bands and bring their information back to work on Monday and she had to make at least one offer. She had her work cut out for her; these bands sucked ass.

The next band was introduced as "The Riff". They had a unique look and the lead singer looked a lot like Adam Lambert complete with black eyeliner. His hair was short on the sides but long on the top and it was spiked with electric blue tips. He had a light dusting of facial hair, which did things to Beca that she didn't like to admit to. He was wearing very tight black leather pants and combat boots, no shirt and a long black leather duster that gave way just enough to allow several tattoos to peak through. To top everything off… he had the voice of an angel which, after everything else Beca had heard that night, was music to her ears. This was the one she had been waiting for. She had to get this guy.

Beca, reluctantly, took her eyes off the man candy on stage to check her phone when she saw that a text come through. _"We made it home in one piece but the front yard among other things didn't fare so well."_

 _"Firehose Fanny barf in the begonias again?"_

 _"And then some!"_

 _"Gross! Give her some Advil and put her ass to bed!"_

 _"She's showering the puke off first. Thanks again for the invite. We had a great time!"_

 _"Aubrey might 'dispuke' that!_ _Thanks for coming. Dinner soon?"_

" _Haha! Absolutely! Good luck tonight!"_

Beca got back to work making notes on The Riff. They were definitely going to be a money maker. She could feel it; they had the ability to sell out arenas of all sizes, their merchandise would sell like hot cakes and women of all ages would flock to them like a moth to flame. Yes… she could definitely do something with this.

An hour later, the top three bands were announced, they were: Raven's Revenge, The Riff and The Moronic Trolls… what the fuck kinda name was that?! She thought Karma Train and Skeleton Key were better than The Moronic Trolls but whatever, there really was no accounting for the judges taste in music. Beca had her eye on one in particular and one way or another she was going to sign them… or at least she hoped she would. While the other bands that performed might not have placed in the top three, record companies still had the opportunity to sign them if they chose to.

Each of the top three bands now had the opportunity to really impress the judges with their one hour sets which could make or break them. Earlier, each group had seven minutes to sing one original song and one cover chosen by the judges but now the gloves were off, they could still sing original songs but they could also mix things up by throwing in some cover music as well.

Beca wasn't ashamed to say that she didn't care for or listen to The Moronic Trolls when they played. They sucked as much as their name did. As they played, she looked over her notes on the bands. She wanted to be sure that Raven's Revenge and The Riff hit all the key points on her grading system.

She listened carefully when Raven's Revenge played their way through their catalog of songs. She made a few extra notes when they were finished, tallied the points that she gave them then waited patiently for The Riff. This was the band she wanted to hear; they were, by far, her favorite act of the night.

When The Riff took the stage, Beca felt butterflies in her stomach like never before. For a minute there she thought it was the alcohol that was going to make a reappearance but then she remembered that she had stopped drinking an hour before, so it couldn't be that. No, it had to be something else.

 **o~O~o**

 **Beca's Inner Thoughts**

 **o~O~o**

 _I don't know why I'm so drawn to this weirdo on the stage right now. He and his band have been performing covers of everything from AC/DC to Lynyrd Skynyrd, Hinder and the Gin Blossoms as well. Somehow, they did manage to mix in a few originals here and there and from what I can tell they all have amazing talent. But that front man... wow, he's good... better than good actually. He's smooth, suave... and has a very distinct sound. Ok, I'll admit he sounds a little like GLEE meets boy band meets 80's hair band but with those looks and that ass..._

 _Oh God! I looked at his ass! Shit! I did it again! What the fuck is wrong with me?! But, in my defense, how could I not look at his ass? Those leather pants are hugging all the right places... Oh My God! And now he's kneeling right in front of me! He dresses left... what the actual fuck Beca?! Now you're looking at his crotch! Eyes up girl… eyes UP! Mmm… Look at those sinfully delicious chiseled abs. I'd like to…_

' _Lock it up Rebeca! Lock. It. Up. Woosa, woosa!' I chant over and over as I close my eyes, rub my pounding temples and take a deep cleansing breath. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, right... he could be selling records and t-shirts hand over fist to swooning fan girls in no time. Is there anything this dude can't sing?_

 _Sweet Jesus... is it hot in here? Someone needs to turn the air conditioner down a few notches. This guy is hotter than a fucking Greek God._

 _Where's Jason? I need a drink! I need a few of them actually!_

 _Fuuucccckkkk! Now he's singing Def Leppard?! Oh God, he can pour so much more than just a little sugar on me any damn day of the week and as many times as he wants to on Sunday. I want his boots under my bed and him in it._

 _Oh for fucks sake Beca, get your shit together! This dude is every girl's fantasy and is probably in a committed relationship with his high school sweetheart. How fucking cliché is that?! What are you thinking girl? You have never been like this before! This is absolutely fucking insane. What in the actual hell has come over me?_

 **o~O~o**

When The Riff was finished playing the panel of judges took twenty minutes to consult with each other before finally arriving at a decision. The MC took the stage, congratulated all of the bands on their performances then announced the winner.

"And the winner of this year's Battle of the Bands is, drum roll please... The Riff!" The crowd broke out in hearty applause and Beca downed the last two shots she had left on the table and made a beeline for the dressing rooms. She wanted to be the first one to the back to make an offer that they just couldn't refuse. When she got to their dressing room, she was disappointed to find representatives from two competing recording studios had already beat her to the punch.

" _Fuck!"_ She thought to herself. " _Sawyer is going to have my ass on a platter if I haven't made an offer to at least one band tonight."_

She tapped out a quick text to Bernie, " _BOTB is over but I'm going in to make an offer. Not sure how long it'll take. I'll text again when I'm ready. Sit tight."_

" _Sure thing Miss. Beca. I'll be here when you're ready. Good luck!"_ Bernie texted back seconds later.

Beca grinned. She was going to need more than luck. She had met these other two producers before. They were ruthless when it came to getting what they wanted. In a way, letting them go first, might be better for her because she might be able to find out what their offers were and sweeten the pot to something that The Riff couldn't possibly turn down. She was going to beat them at their own game and she was going to do it her way. She checked her cleavage and hoisted her boobs to make them as perky as possible and applied fresh lip gloss.

When it was finally her turn to go into the dressing room, she found that the only member of the band in the room was the lead singer. She wondered where everyone else was and when they would be back.

"Hi. I'm Jesse Swanson." The lead singer said sticking his hand out in her direction to shake her hand. Beca immediately noticed that he put a t-shirt on and she wished like hell he didn't.

"Hi Mr. Swanson, I'm Rebeca Mitchell, with Warner Records. Congratulations on the big win." She said as she sat on the couch across from him, watching him intently as he perched on the arm of the sofa.

"Well hello… _Ms._ Mitchell. It's nice to meet you."

"Beca… you can call me Beca."

"Fair enough _Beca…_ please, call me Jesse."

"Ok _Jesse_ …" she said with a smirk. "Did you want to start talking about my offer or do you want to wait for the rest of the guys to get back?"

"We can start negotiations. They're packing up our equipment so they could be awhile. I make the decisions anyway." Jesse said, letting his eyes linger on her chest for a moment longer than necessary.

"Cool. So, let's get started."

"Let's do this!" He said excitedly shifting in his seat.

Beca smiled at his enthusiasm. "I'm prepared to offer you and your band a recording contract that will require the group to sign to Warner exclusively. This means that you can't record for or collaborate with another artist for another label without permission, nor can you leave the contract if you're unhappy. If things don't feel right, then let me know and I'll do what I can to make it right."

"Sounds good so far." Jesse said as he leaned back into the couch, spread his arms across the back of it and placed his right ankle on his left knee.

"Advances are provided as part of an inclusive recording fund. A certain amount will be allocated to the recording budget and any surplus is divided evenly and distributed to you and the band members. The full amount is recoupable, so avoid the temptation to go and blow it all on a lost weekend with Lindsay Lohan, as you will not only be left with nothing to live on, you'll have no record to release either." Beca wasn't entirely sure that this guy was listening to her and she was wondering why she even bothered. "Do you have a manager?'

Jesse smirked. "No, not yet."

"Ok. Well, you'll need to secure one and make sure you only allow your him or her commission on the non-recording portion of the fund. Specifically, what's left over after the recording budget has been agreed upon. This is your personal advance, on which your manager will take his or her twenty percent. Although the thought of large advances may get you excited, they come at a price."

"Oh? What kind of price?"

"Often, if the advance is large there'll be more pressure on an artist to succeed immediately. Then if the first record is a flop the label may cut its losses and simply drop you. If you're after a little more stability and you truly believe in yourself, you should probably opt for a smaller advance and instead aim to secure a higher royalty rate."

"Gotcha. Makes total sense." he said agreeing with her. "But, I do have a question?"

"Sure. Whatcha got?" She asked as she placed the folder with the formal offer on the table in front of her.

"What's in it for _me_?"

"I'm not sure I follow." She said looking puzzled. This was not going according to plan. "Did you not understand something I was explaining?"

"Oh, _I_ understood everything just fine."

"Then I really don't understand what the problem is."

Jesse got up and crossed the room. He pushed the folder to the side and sat on the coffee table directly in front of Beca. She suddenly became very uncomfortable and was regretting the fact that her boobs were hanging out of her shirt.

"Ms. Mitchell…"

"Beca." she said interrupting him.

" _Beca…_ " he said as he stared right at her, rubbing his hands up her thighs. "What's in it for _me_?"

"I'm gonna go." She said, flushing bright red as she stood up and walked across the room. "It was nice meeting you Mr. Swanson. Good luck to you and your band mates."

Just as she was about to open the door, Jesse made it across the room in about three steps. "Beca, don't go." he pleaded. Beca's hand froze on the door knob when she felt his hands on her hips. "I've watched you all night and I wondered if you'd come back to make an offer."

Beca pushed Jesse's hands off of her. "I think we're done here."

Jesse began kissing her neck, moving her shirt to allow him access to her shoulder. Her head fell back on his shoulder and a moan escaped. She was enjoying this but it was extremely unprofessional and while it had been a long time since anyone had made her _feel_ anything, she knew this was wrong.

She quickly turned around, pulling her shirt back onto her shoulder and looked him in the eye. "It was really nice meeting you. Good luck with your future endeavors." she said turning and reaching for the door knob.

Jesse reached out and put his hand on hers. "Don't go."

"Clearly there's nothing left to talk about Mr. Swanson." She said with her typical surly attitude.

"Who said anything about talking?" he said as he lowered his lips to hers and pushed her back against the door. He slid her purse off her shoulder and placed it on the table next to the door. He then took her hands, interlaced their fingers and pressed them into the door over her head.

She was trapped. The kiss was hard and searing. She was suddenly glad that Aubrey and Ben decided to leave early because this would have been hard to explain to them. This was so wrong on so many levels. If Sawyer found out she could lose her job but damn it, it felt so good. It felt _so fucking_ good. If things continued on this path she wouldn't be able to offer him a deal even if she wanted to. She would have to give the deal to someone else. She had a decision to make. Did she want the deal and the money that came along with it or did she want him?

When he broke the kiss she inhaled deeply, the air burned as it hit her lungs like a much needed drug. He kissed her jawline to the sensitive spot behind her ear, sucking on it and causing her to moan. He then kissed his way down her neck to her collarbone and sucked it. She knew for a fact he'd left a mark. He had sucked too damn hard not to leave one. It would be nice having to explain that at work. She needed to get out of her head and make a decision.

"Jesse…" she moaned. When he didn't respond, she said his name again. "Jesse…" _Fuck!_ She thought to herself. _Why do I have to sound so breathy and desperate?_

"Shhh…" he said as he pulled the lacy cup of her bra down and lowered his mouth to her already pebbled nipple. "Mmm…" he moaned as he took it in his mouth.

She could feel her knees getting weak and her body beginning to betray her. "Jesse… if you… if you want a… ahhh… a record deal… mmm," she was fighting for her words. His mouth was doing such magical things. Things she couldn't ignore. If he kept this up he was going to make her come right there. "...ahhhhh… we… we can't… ahhhh…. mmmm… can't do... this."

Jesse removed his mouth from her nipple with a loud pop and blew on it. Sending shivers up her spine as the goosies broke out all over her body. "Then don't make me a recording deal." He said pressing his forehead to hers and looking her straight in the eyes. "I'd rather have _you_ , then a deal."

Without a second thought, Beca tucked her boob back in her bra, grabbed her purse, Jesse's hand and walked out the door. As they walked down the hall, she took her cell from her purse and sent Bernie a message. " _I'm ready."_ She then made a mental note to call Cynthia Rose in the morning and let her know that she had a demo that she wanted her to listen to.

"Where are we going?" he asked curiously.

Beca smiled as she dropped her phone back into her purse. "Just texted my driver."

"Your _driver_?"

"Yes, I have a limo for the night." She told him. "I knew I'd be drinking and it's about a thirty minute drive back to Malibu."

Jesse gave her an evil grin. "Nice." he said as he stopped and pinned her against the wall to lay another searing kiss on her. "You are so fucking hot."

"Jesse…" Beca moaned. "We can't do this here." She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him sweetly a few times. "Let's get to the car."

Bernie met them a few minutes later in front of the House of Blues. As soon as they were safely inside the car, Beca straddled Jesse's lap and they became a jumble of lips, limbs and lust. Beca's body jerked with excitement and anticipation. Jesse reached up and immediately freed Beca's breasts from her bra and lowered his mouth around one while he twisted and pinched the nipple of the other.

She arched her chest into his mouth and began grinding her hips into his, feeling his erection against her already aroused and sensitized center. Beca cursed silently about the long drive. She should've just taken him to a hotel near the Hard Rock but it was too late now.

Jesse continued going back and forth between her breasts, not wanting to give one more attention than the other. Beca's head fell back as he kissed the valley between her breasts, to her collarbone, up the column of her neck and back to her mouth. She was enjoying his tongue and didn't even know all the things it could do but she was dying to find out.

Jesse kissed his way back down and began feasting on her breasts once again. She was fairly certain that they had never felt so blissfully sore before. While she was relishing the feel of his mouth, she couldn't resist the urge to pull his mouth from breasts and press it firmly to hers.

They were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't notice that the car stopped. It wasn't until they heard Bernie's car door open and shut that they realized they were sitting in the circle drive in front of Beca's house.

Beca quickly got off Jesse's lap and adjusted her clothes before exiting the car when Bernie opened her door.

"Well Miss Beca, this is your stop." Bernie told her.

Beca smiled. Bernie was one of the sweetest little old men she knew. "Thanks Bernie." She said digging in her purse for some cash to hand him. "This is for you."

"Oh no. Mr. Luke took care of that already." He said shaking his head and waving his hands.

"Bernie, this is for you.' She said putting the money in his hand and curling his fingers around it. "Go take that lovely wife of yours out to a very nice dinner on me."

Bernie looked at her with very humble eyes. "Thank you."

"Thank you for getting me home safe." Beca said kissing the older gentleman on the cheek. "Now, you be safe getting home."

"I will." He said with a wave. "See you soon."

Beca watched as Bernie got back in the car and tipped his hat before he drove away. Beca took Jesse's hand and guided him up the steps to her front door. As soon as she stepped in front of Jesse, she disabled the alarm from her phone. She was trying to put the key in the lock when she felt his hands starting to roam her body again and suddenly she couldn't function. When his hands found their way to her breasts, her head dropped back on his shoulder. He squeezed them and she gasped. The pain was gloriously delicious. How could someone she hardly knew do these things to her?

When she finally got the door unlocked, they stumbled in, knocking the table in the foyer and sending a rather expensive crystal vase to it's untimely death, as shards of glass shot across the freshly waxed cherry wood floor. Careful to step over the glass, they shed clothes from the front door, leaving a trail across the family room and up the stairs to Beca's master bedroom. Before she could open the bedroom door, Jesse picked her up, wrapped her legs around his waist and took her hard and fast against the door.

Beca was surprised and happy to find out that he had a condom; he must have slipped it on as they went up the stairs. She seriously feared STD's and they hadn't really had the time to discuss birth control and she didn't get the chance to tell him that it had been a while and that he needed to take it slow either.

He was rough and while it did hurt, it didn't hurt in a bad way. When she felt him enter her, she could have sworn she was in Heaven. He filled her so perfectly and their bodies moved as one and somehow, even though she was pinned against the door, she met each of his thrusts with one of her own.

They spent the night sending each other over the edge so many times that they lost count. That Friday night would be a night neither one would soon forget.


	3. Chapter 3: Hungry and Horny

**A/N: Just wanted to take a quick minute to say a special _'Thank You'_ to each and every one of you for your favorites, follows and reviews on this story. I truly appreciate each and every one, they're all so amazing and mean the world to me. Each one makes me want to continue writing this story that much more. I hope you'll all continue to love this story as much as I do. So, without further ado, I give you chapter 3... **

* * *

**o~O~o**

 **Chapter 3**

 **The morning after…**

 **Jesse's POV**

 **o~O~o**

Squinting and trying to blink as the sunlight peeked through the blinds, I rolled over and reached out for Beca but quickly realized she wasn't there and her side of the bed had been made. I wasn't sure whether that surprised me or not. I stretched out in the crisp white, heavy cotton sheets which was some of the softest bedding I'd ever laid my lazy ass on and took my time to rise before I made my way to the ensuite bath. Thankfully the door was slightly ajar; there were three to choose from but I couldn't resist poking my head into the other two first.

One of the doors lead to a closet that was larger than any I'd ever seen before and the other lead to a good sized room with exercise equipment. As I shut the doors and looked around, I realized for the first time, the size of the room and that the cherry and wrought iron four poster California king bed that I'd just vacated was dwarfed by it. All of the the furniture was massive, which was hardly surprising given the size of the room but why did someone as tiny as Beca need such large furniture? A family of five could easily live in her bedroom, bathroom and walk in closet alone. They were bigger than any house I'd ever lived in which wasn't saying much, but still. I shook my head, not really caring.

Making my way into the bathroom I headed straight to the sink. I splashed water on my face and smiled when I saw the spare toothbrush Beca had placed on the counter for me. It was a genuinely sweet gesture that I truly appreciated. She had also laid out a towel and wash cloth for me to use in the shower. After quickly showering, I wrapped the towel around my waist and made my way downstairs.

"Well good morning Mr. Sleepyhead!" Beca said cheerfully, turning as I walked into the kitchen. I was slightly surprised to see her in a short, sapphire blue robe and had a lovely glow about her.

"Morning." I said as I wandered over to where she was standing, wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

"Mmmm…" Beca sighed, leaning into me a little before she pulled away. "Want some coffee or tea?"

"Coffee… strong and black please." I mumbled walking toward the barstools at the kitchen island, wishing I had my sunglasses with me. "And some Advil, if you have it."

"Coming right up." She said as she took a large mug from the cabinet and placed it under the Keurig machine, thumbing a few buttons and watching as it began to splutter and drip coffee into the cup below. Digging around in her purse, she soon found some Advil and handed it to me with a wide, bright smile.

"You always this cheerful in the morning?" I asked. I wasn't one to surface before noon on a good day.

"No… not usually." She said kissing my cheek, turning to collect the steaming coffee before placing my mug on the counter in front of me. "Breakfast is almost ready. I thought we could eat it out on the morning porch. It's really pretty this time of year."

' _Morning porch?'_ I mused to myself, wanting to laugh at the absurdity and pretentiousness of the situation. ' _Sure… we can eat breakfast on your morning porch Little Miss Mary Sunshine, though I had nooo idea that there were different types of porches. Back where I come from a porch is just a porch… rickety and falling down and someplace to store stolen goods under.'_

"Sure. Sounds good to me." I said rubbing the back of my neck. "What's for breakfast?"

"I made a spinach, artichoke and baked egg souffle, bacon, toast and orange juice."

"Wow." I said taking my first glorious sip of coffee, which was some of the finest I'd ever tasted and it was clearly expensive. It was nothing like the dollar cups of coffee I usually get from the gas station. "Sounds amazing… but quick question, why doesn't the house smell of bacon?"

Beca laughed. "I cooked the bacon outside. I love bacon but I don't like the way that it makes the house smell and besides, everything tastes better when it's cooked outside." I now realized why she looked so perky, she'd been out in the sunshine and fresh air since getting up at what I presume was the crack of dawn.

"Good idea. Bacon does make the house smell and it never seems to go away." I said remembering how the double wide trailer I grew up in always smelled of bacon grease, cigarette smoke and sex.

"Thanks, I really hope you like breakfast. I enjoy cooking, especially when I have people to share with." Beca said and I watched her eyes grow hopeful. She seemed to be quite eager to impress me which caught in my throat a little. She was surrounded by all this opulence and I had about 12 bucks to my name but she was trying to impress _me_ with a wonderful meal.

"I'm sure I'll love it." I said genuinely.

"After we've finished eating, I'll give you the grand tour."

"Awesome!" I said, getting a little excited. "What's a place like this go for? If you don't mind me asking."

"Well… I paid almost two million for it but my dad insisted that I have a total reno done on the place."

 _Holy fucking sheep shit Batman! That's a fucking ass ton of money! This bitch is rolling in the fucking dough._

"Whoa! That's a lot of money."

"Yeah, it is." Beca said, nonchalantly as she began carrying breakfast outside. "But, it _is_ a big house."

"Definitely is." I stated, still wondering why a complete overhaul had been necessary on a relatively new property. "So, why the reno?"

"Honestly, there was nothing wrong with this house but my dad wanted to make absolutely sure that everything was secure and safe."

"So, that's why you have a gated entry?"

"Exactly!" She laughed as she laid out the food on the table on the morning porch. She cast her eyes over the table to make sure she had everything, before offering for me to take a seat.

"Besides the entry, what else did you get done?" I asked taking the chair nearest to where I was standing and sat down. Beca immediately began to serve up the souffle onto a plate.

"Short answer… everything. The bones of the property remain but the guts were all replaced. We opened up the floor plan, added an extra bedroom and bathroom on the first floor and the two bedroom guest house at the back is new as well. We upgraded the swimming pool, adding the hot tub and my studio. After a three million dollar reno and a few months of inconvenience, it's been appraised at almost eight million so I'm pretty happy with the place now."

' _Eight fucking million?! Is this bitch for real?'_ I was glad I was sitting down. If I had been standing I'd have fallen flat on my face.

"Wow! That's fantastic!" I blurted out.

' _Jesse turn down the enthusiasm dude, bottle that excitement.'_ I said to myself.

"I love this house and I stand to make a lot off of it when I decide to sell." Beca said, managing to sound like she wasn't bragging as she sat down and picked up her fork. "The land alone is worth it's weight in gold."

"You're selling?"

"Oh, no. I don't have any plans to sell right now, but I figure one day I might decide to. I like to keep my options open."

' _And so do I… so do I.' I thought to myself._

"More coffee?" Beca asked, pointing to his mug.

"Please."

 **o~O~o**

When Beca's phone rang, it broke up their breakfast, just before they were finished. She saw Luke's number on the screen and immediately knew that Bernie must have told him that she brought someone home. She looked at Jesse and put her finger to her lips to let him know she had to take the call and to be quiet. Jesse nodded his understanding, picked up his coffee and noiselessly slipped away from the table, standing on the edge of the porch and looking out into the garden.

"Hey Luke." she said cheerfully, wiping her mouth.

"Who is he?" Luke asked.

Beca chose to play stupid. "Who are you talking about?" She said as she walked back towards the house, leaving Jesse to finish his breakfast and peruse the back yard.

"Don't you _dare_ play stupid with me Beca. You know damn good and well who I'm talking about."

"Bernie has a big fucking mouth." she told him as she walked into the kitchen and started wiping down the counter.

"You've known that for years, so you should have also known he would tell me that you brought some random guy home."

"I gave him a huge tip… he should've kept his mouth shut."

"But he works for me and my tip was bigger." Luke spat through the phone. "So, you gonna tell me who this Romeo is?"

"Not yet. If this becomes something more than a casual hook up, then you'll meet him. If it turns out that he's just a fuck buddy, then I'll get my itches scratched and there's no need for you to meet him."

"Blimey! Tell me you at least used protection… _please_!"

" _LUKE!_ Really?! That's none of your business, but yes! Yes, we used protection… all _five_ times." She said with a smirk.

"Good because you never know how many wells he's dipped his stick in."

"Luke that's gross!"

"Wait! _Five_ times?! How are you still able to walk?"

Beca laughed. "Yes… _five_ times and if I have my way, I'm gonna tap that ass a few more times before he leaves."

"Bec, I have a bad feeling about this wanker."

"A bad feeling huh? And tell me… just how do you know he's a wanker?" Beca asked. "You really do sound very Britishy when you are wound up!"

"You know nothing about this guy Beca." Luke said. "My gut is telling me he's bad news."

"Luke, I love you but I really think you're over reacting."

"I love you too Bec." Luke sighed and rubbed his forehead. "At least give me his name… wait, you do know his name… right?"

"Oh my God Luke! Yes! I know his name! I seem to recall shouting it quite a few times last night."

"Good… give me his name so I can have my dad run a background check on him."

"No, I'm not giving it to you Luke. Period." Beca shot back. "I'll talk to you soon."

"But Bec…"

It was too late. She had already hung up on him. She loved Luke, she would always love him but he had no right to interrogate her about who she brought home and what she chose to do with them. She knew he had her best interests at heart but he was her best friend and nothing more.

 **o~O~o**

Luke was pissed. How could Beca be so damn irresponsible? She had literally met a guy and gone to bed with him within hours. What the fuck had she been thinking? This was so unlike her! Or was it and Luke just hadn't noticed her changing over the years? No, scratch that… she clearly wasn't thinking… not with her head anyway. He understood that since breaking up with Ryan she probably had a few itches that needed scratching but going to bed with a guy she didn't know was… well, it was unacceptable, it was dangerous and she was acting like a complete fool.

He picked up his cell phone, hitting speed dial number five. When the person on the other end answered, he said, "Her Majesty is humping, and yes, I said humping a rottie."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me right now!"

"Blimey fuck Blondie! You _know_ that code is for emergencies only, it's _not_ to be used for kidding around. We've got to do something ASAP!"

"I'm getting dressed as we speak. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Let me know how it goes."

"I'll check in soon."

Luke hung up and immediately felt relieved. Beca wasn't thinking straight; not with her head anyway and if what she told him was true, her loins had just taken a very serious pounding and he knew they needed to deal with the issue sooner rather than later.

Exactly ten minutes later, Luke received a text. " _I'm here. Gonna let myself in because we both know Queen Bitch won't answer the door if she's entertaining company. Standby for the screech heard 'round the world."_

" _Beware… the corgi might still be there."_

" _Noted! Wish me luck… I'm going in!"_

" _Good luck! And remember, if you straighten your arm and put your palm on her forehead she can't reach to punch the shit out of you!"_

" _Gee… thanks!"_

"Beca!" Aubrey yelled as she walked in the house, letting the front door slam shut behind her in an attempt to let Beca know that she and her guest were no longer alone. She knew that as soon as she realized what had happened and that Aubrey had arrived unannounced, Beca would have the front gate code changed. Aubrey made a mental note to ask her Aunt and Uncle for the new code later. "Beca!" She yelled again as she checked her office, the downstairs bedroom and the family room. "Beca! Where the hell are you?" As she walked through the kitchen she noticed that the back door was open.

Walking with purpose to the door that led out to the morning porch, Aubrey was not prepared for what she saw when she walked outside. Beca and some random guy were going at it in the beach entry end of the pool. They were on the sloped incline of the pool and were only slightly blocked by the chaise lounge chairs Beca kept there. They were both was clearly into their activity; Beca's head was thrown back and she was kneeling in the palms of the guys hands so as not to scrape up her knees. Aubrey felt the familiar rumble in her gut that suggested her hangover was worse than she first feared.

Aubrey knew Beca had sex… at 23 years old that was pretty much a given but she looked like a porn star the way she threw her head back while she was riding him like a stallion. She thought back to the night before and how she told Beca that the only action she was going to be getting was from her vibrator. When she said that she really didn't expect that Beca would shack up with a random stranger. She shook her head and tried to control the rumble in her belly. This was a total invasion of Beca's privacy and Aubrey knew it. Should she go back inside and wait it out or should she confront her now and embarrass the hell out of her in the process?

Aubrey walked back in the house for a moment to collect herself and her thoughts; perhaps she should grab a cup of coffee and some of the soufflé Beca made for breakfast? Surely, the porn currently being filmed in Beca's backyard had to be over soon… right?

As Aubrey sat at the breakfast bar drinking her coffee and trying her hardest to stomach her breakfast, she could hear Beca and Jesse's moans and groans. If she could hear it, so could the neighbors and they had to be getting quite the show right about now, despite the high fences and the distance between houses.

She had to put a stop to this. She needed to save what was left of Beca's dignity and self-respect even if it meant that Beca would hate her for the rest of her natural life. Aubrey reached for a napkin from the box on the counter and wiped her fingers before she dug through her purse for her cellphone and sent a couple of quick texts.

" _911 Beca's! HRH has mounted a rottie._ _Need reinforcements… ASAP!"_

" _HRH? Does that mean Hormonal Rampant Harlett?"_

" _Oh for fucks sake! HRH means Her Royal Highness!"_

 _"Oh shit! Why didn't you just say that? On the way_. _"_

When Aubrey walked back outside, things were worse than the last time she had walked out there. She couldn't help the screech that escaped her when she saw Beca on her back, his hands fondling her ever perky breasts, her fingers threaded through his hair and her legs wrapped around the head of the handsome stranger as he dipped his tongue into… "OH MY GOD BECA!"

Beca pushed Jesse's head away from her and immediately covered her breasts, while Jesse used the pool water to clean the smirk off his face. "Aubrey! What the fuck are you doing here? Get out, you perverted freak!"

Aubrey started to pace, her hands flailing in the air as she began her rant while trying not to puke. "Nevermind why _I'm_ here. Who the fuck is _he_?" Aubrey asked gesturing toward Jesse as she stomped with purpose across the lawn towards her cousin, not caring about her $300 shoes. "Have you lost your fucking mind? Well, obviously you haven't lost the fucking part because you're nekkid as the day you were born with a stranger in your pool for God and everyone to see but you've most _definitely_ lost your mind. This isn't your style! This isn't like you. You don't do things like this. What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh my God! How much _did_ you drink last night? Did he slip you a roofie? He did… didn't he? I need to call your mom and dad and we need to get you to the hospital." Aubrey was still screeching loudly and shrilly as she stepped into the shallow water, grabbed Beca's wrist and tried pulling her out of the pool. "You need to get dressed and we need to get you to the emergency room. They're gonna have to pump your stomach. You're gonna be barfing like crazy for the rest of the day."

"Aubrey! If you don't stop, I'm gonna pump _you_ down with the damn garden hose!" Beca pulled her arm from Aubrey's death grip. "Shut the fuck up and breathe!" Beca said, standing up and trying not to laugh at the furiously bewildered look on Aubrey's face. "Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a fucking psycho right now!"

Aubrey got an eyeful of Jesse and not so _little_ Jesse as he got out of the pool. She went to fetch one of the pool towels that had been draped over one of the chaise lounge and handed one at arms length to Beca who refused the towel and slapped her hand away angrily. Aubrey whispered into Beca's ear as they walked toward the table and chairs on the patio and away from Jesse. "Well, he's not awful… is he? Wait... Beca… are you limping? What did he do to you? Is he into kink? Oh my God… is that why you're limping?"

Beca laughed and got a devilish smirk on her face. "He didn't do anything I didn't want him to. Were you out here watching so you could take some new tricks home to Benny boy?"

"Ok… so, yes, he's handsome… and from what I could see, _little handsome_ isn't so bad either but Beca he's a stranger!" Aubrey told her. "No, I was not watching you!"

"Ok, so you weren't watching but don't you think I'm a little old for the ' _stranger danger'_ pep talk." Beca said while using jazz hands to gesture toward Aubrey.

"Maybe you are but he wears more eyeliner than you do!" Aubrey pointed out. "This… whatever this is," gesturing between Beca and Jesse, "is clearly doomed before it even starts."

"So, you're saying that because he wears more eyeliner than I do, our relationship, whatever that may or may not be, is doomed to fail?"

"Beca, you don't let me use your eyeliner for fear of getting conjunctivitis and some other diseases that you've researched that I can't pronounce. What's gonna happen if Mr. Hotter-than-Hades-and-I-Might-Have-an-STD-or-Two uses your eyeliner?" Aubrey asked. "You could lose an eyeball."

"He doesn't have an STD."

"And what if you're pregnant?"

"God, you sound like Luke!"

"Judging by the way you were going at it a few minutes ago, I'm surprised he thought to wear anything. He could be-"

"Umm… ladies… I'm standing right here." Jesse said not removing his hands from his junk.

Both girls turned around and yelled "SHUT UP!"

Jesse threw his hands up in surrender before realizing that his put his manhood on display for God and everybody. He quickly collected what was left of his balls in his hands and waited for permission to leave.

"And you know he doesn't have an STD because…" Aubrey started, before realizing that she didn't actually want to know. "No… don't answer that. Let me. Because he told he doesn't have any STD's and that he gets tested all the time… right? Let me guess… You get tested down at the free clinic on the corner of Cock Rot Place and Slutshole Lane in the swats?" She blurted out as she turned to face Jesse.

"Aubrey! That's enough!" Beca yelled. "If you _must_ know, we used protection… every single time… And in case you've forgotten, I have an IUD aka Fort Knox style birth control."

"Every time?" Aubrey questioned.

"All. Night. Long." Beca emphasized each word. She watched Aubrey gulp thickly and tried to hide her amusement.

"As for Fort Knox…" Aubrey said pointing to Beca's nether region. "Nothing is fool proof Beca. The only way not get pregnant is to not have sex."

Beca couldn't believe that Aubrey was treating her like a 15 year old. She was almost 24 years old, if she wanted to have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry she came across, by God, that's exactly what she was going to do.

Jesse took the opportunity to break in. "Yeah, so… I… uhh… I'm just gonna… I'm gonna go."

Beca turned on her heels and poked her finger in his chest. "You're not going anywhere mister."

"I'm not?"

"No. You owe me an orgasm and I'll be damned if this bitch," using her thumb to motion over her shoulder, "is gonna keep me from getting it."

Before Jesse could respond, Amy came barreling through the back door fists flailing and wearing only one shoe. "Ok, where is he? Who do I need to be fightin'? Point me in the right direction and I'll... Whoa! Aubrey! You didn't tell me this was a clam party!"

"Clam party?" Aubrey and Beca asked in unison, turning toward Amy in confusion.

"Yeah!" Amy said wide eyed and pointing to Beca's lady bits. "Beca, why you jammin' out witcha your clam out?!"

"You're gross!" Beca said making a disgusted face.

"Well, you and Mr. Chiseled-Like-A-Greek-God _are_ out here nekkid as the day you slid down Annie's baby shoot" Amy asked.

"That's exactly what I said." Aubrey said, the smugness ever present on her concerned face. "There's just no-"

"Damn Beca… your body is rockin'!" Amy said, cutting off Aubrey.

Jesse grinned at Amy. "It really is!"

Beca elbowed him. "I guess this means my parents are inside too?"

"No, they aren't but I'd be happy to call them." Aubrey said attempting to hand Beca the towel she'd been wringing her hands around.

"Don't you dare!" Beca barked as she gave Aubrey the death glare.

"So… I guess this means you made an offer last night then… huh Becs?" Amy said winking.

"Annnnddddd… that's my cue to leave!" Jesse said. "Bec, I hate to interrupt, but I'm gonna get dressed and head out."

"You sure you have to go?"

"Yeah, I think it's best. You three obviously have some catching up to do."

Beca rolled her eyes. "You're seriously gonna leave me here with them?" She asked jokingly.

"Trust me, I don't want to but I never told the guys where I was going last night." Jesse said pulling Beca close. "They're gonna wonder where I am."

Beca sighed. "Ok. Call me later?"

"You bet!" he said leaning in to kiss Beca goodbye. The kiss was passionate and as Jesse dipped his tongue into Beca's mouth, he ran her hands through her hair, bending her slightly at the waist. When Beca moaned, Aubrey took the opportunity to clear her throat and remind them that she was still standing there.

"Beca… aren't you going to introduce us to your gentleman caller?" Aubrey asked interrupting their little love fest.

"Oh, suddenly he's a _gentleman_ caller?" Beca asked turning around and crossing her arms over her chest. "What the fuck century are we living in?"

Aubrey ignored Beca and turned toward Jesse. "Hi, I'm Aubrey… Beca's cousin and best friend. This is Amy, she's Beca's best friend."

"Jesse Swanson. Nice to meet you both." Jesse said shaking Aubrey's hand then Amy's.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance." Aubrey said with a disgusted grimace as she wiped her hand on her jeans. He had just been touching his junk, and other things after all.

Beca sat and watched the exchange between the three. The green eyed monster was definitely making her presence known, and she was really trying not to laugh at the absurdity of it all. She was gonna kill Luke when she got hold of him.

Jesse turned his attention back to Beca. "Yeah, so… I'm gonna go."

"How are you getting back downtown?"

"I'll call Uber." Jesse said bending down to kiss Beca again before he turned to walk in the house. "See you soon beautiful."

Beca watched as Jesse walked back in the house. Damn, he was sexy. She loved his tattoos and there was a certain piercing that put her right over the edge. She grinned as she thought about the night before.

"Beca, you have to know this is stupid. You brought a total stranger into your home. What if he's casing the joint?"

Beca rubbed her forehead. "Aubrey, calm down. It's not like I'm going to _marry_ the guy. It's just a casual fling. It's nothing at all, really."

"Famous last words!"

... Six months later, Jesse moved in.


	4. Chapter 4: Trailers and Tears

**A/N: Before diving into this chapter, I feel the need to warn you that some of the subject matter could be perceived as sensitive or graphic. This was a rough chapter to write but I felt it was necessary to the story line.**

 _ **Special 'Thank You' to Corinne (waatp) for beta'ing this chapter for me.**_

* * *

 **o~O~o**

 **Chapter 4**

 **o~O~o**

Jesse's upbringing was a lot different than Beca's. A _lot_ different. While Beca was growing up in, what could be considered to some as the lap of luxury, Jesse was in a rundown trailer on the wrong side of the tracks. He couldn't recall a time when he wasn't cold or hungry and he had gotten used to sleeping with one eye open after being robbed for what they had more times than he could remember.

His mom Bambi, a nickname her Dad gave her when she was very small because she was " _doe eyed"_ , was short for Barbara. She was a crack whore and a meth monkey, who would sleep with anyone and do anything to get the money she needed to feed her addiction. Sex, drugs and a good time always came before her children, food, shelter and clothes. She had four boys with four different men and to be honest, she had no idea who any of their fathers actually were and usually struggled to remember simple things like their names and birthdays.

Bambi's first taste of drugs happened shortly after her father's death, when she was just thirteen years old. Within six months, she was not only heavily addicted but extremely dependant on drugs. She shoplifted, stole from the poor box at church and beat up on young school kids to get the money she needed for her daily fix.

At fifteen she got pregnant after a sloppy night out in a park with a senior from high school whose name she never bothered to find out and surprisingly she did the most unselfish thing ever; she quit taking drugs and went cold turkey because she wanted a healthy baby. Her mother enrolled her in a young, single mother's group down at the community center and together they tried to make the best of the situation. Despite her wrongdoings towards the local church, they held a fundraiser to buy Bambi a crib, stroller and clothes for her child, believing her when she claimed to have turned over a new leaf. Right before her sixteenth birthday, she dropped out of school to have her baby; a son she named Jesse Christopher.

He was a beautiful baby, barely cried and seemed content just nestled into his mother's arms. Bambi was in the hospital for three days before being released back into her own mother's care. She accepted no help and devoted every waking moment to being with her newborn son who appeared to thrive under her loving care. She loved nothing more than to take him out in his stroller for a walk around the park, accepting admiring glances and appreciative nods from her neighbors for turning her life around for her child.

Unfortunately, her selflessness was very short lived. Shortly after Jesse turned three months, she received a phone call from one of her old friends, inviting her to a party. Bambi asked her mother for permission to go, asking her to babysit Jesse while she went out for a few hours. Her mother refused, having already made plans with a few ladies from church. Bambi threw a tantrum and her mother tried to explain that they were indebted to them for their help in getting the things she needed for Jesse.

At first Bambi seemed accepting of the situation and settled down for the night with Jesse on her lap watching television when her mother headed out. She had only been gone an hour when she received a call from a worried neighbour who said that her grandson had been crying non stop and no lights were on in the house. Eleanor had rushed home to find the trailer empty save for a very red faced and sad baby lying propped up on the couch with a bottle.

Bambi stumbled home two days later, high as a kite with no memory of her own baby. Within a week, she went back to her partying ways and hardly spent any time with him. She entrusted Jesse to the constant care of her mother. Eleanor would argue that Bambi abandoned Jesse in favor of sex, drugs and rock & roll. Bambi on the other hand would strongly disagree. She would say she was just living life to the fullest and that her son was too young to notice whether she was there or not. Eventually, Jesse stopped calling out to Bambi when she would surface from her bed and when he banged his head on the coffee table while trying to stand up by himself, it was Eleanor he toddled over to for comfort while Bambi watched from the couch with a bottle of vodka in her hand.

Eleanor did her best to give Jesse everything he needed but she wasn't his mother and refused to pretend that she was. She was too old to be his mother. Eleanor was a religious woman who spent her days caring for her grandson and her nights praying that Bambi would find a nice young man who would help her to overcome her addictions and love her enough to help her raise her son. She applied for financial aid to help pay the bills having had to quit her part time job at the Piggly Wiggly but was refused assistance as she was not listed as Jesse's official caregiver on any paperwork. Bambi was too lazy to file the papers signing over her rights.

Eleanor sold her car which meant they could keep their heads above water for the next eighteen months if they were careful. Not trusting banks, she kept the money under a loose ceiling tile in the bathroom but soon noticed small bills were missing. Realizing it was Bambi who was taking the money that Eleanor needed to raise her grandson, she asked one of her neighbors to look after it for her. Eleanor continued to pray for her family.

When Bambi was seventeen, she met a guy named Chuck. Chuck was _not_ the guy Eleanor prayed for, he was far from it actually. He and Bambi took eleven month old Jesse from Eleanor and moved into a ratty hotel room on the other side of town; the part of town where even the police knew they needed back up. Eleanor pined for her grandson but knew in her heart of hearts, that his place was with his mother. It was from that hotel room that Chuck began pimping Bambi out for money to support their growing drug habit.

Chuck pimped Bambi out for months to anyone and everyone who would pay top dollar to have sex with her; despite her drug habit and hard lifestyle, she was still a beautiful, desirable woman and had a list of regulars who demanded her attention several times a week. While Bambi was 'entertaining' clients, Chuck was back at the hotel with Jesse.

Poor Jesse endured physical and emotional abuse while in Chuck's care and was always covered in bruises. He soon went from a happy, chubby baby with thighs that everyone loved to squeeze, to gaunt, withdrawn and sad. Chuck would eat in front of Jesse and when the little boy reached out to grab something to eat, Chuck would smack his hands away and raise his fists in anger. He began to lock him in the bathroom when he wanted something to eat instead of feeding him.

When Eleanor found out what was happening, she marched right over to the hotel and took Jesse away from Bambi and Chuck. They offered no resistance and Jesse fiercely clung onto Eleanor and refused to leave her side for several days. Jesse was filthy, malnourished and very sickly but under the care and love of his grandma, he began to smile once again. Six weeks later Bambi showed up at Eleanor's house to announce that she was pregnant again and she was moving back in.

Eleanor assumed that Chuck was the baby's father. It wasn't until the baby was born and was quite obviously not one hundred percent caucasian that that she realized that he wasn't the father of the baby. Despite his unknown paternity, Casey James was a beautiful baby with a head full of dark hair, almond shaped eyes and long dark lashes most women would kill to have.

When Casey and Bambi were released from the hospital, the always dependable Eleanor was there to take them home. She pushed Bambi for a father's name for the birth certificate but her daughter clearly had no clue and was not interested in working it out. One afternoon while Bambi rested, Eleanor, rocked her newest grandson and apologized for not knowing where he came from but told him that she loved him unconditionally and would always do everything she could for him. The baby in her arms cooed and gurgled and Eleanor did realise it was possible to love something so small so much.

For a few weeks, Eleanor thought Bambi might have actually made a turn for the better. She was home with her mother and the boys, making meals, partaking in bathtime, reading bedtime stories and playing with Jesse and his Legos on the ratty old carpet in the living room or swinging him round on the porch in the late afternoon sun. Jesse had started turning to her for cuddles again and while her arms were stiff around him, she loved to stay with him as he fell asleep. Things seemed to be going well, until Chuck started calling again; it wasn't long before Bambi was soon back to her old tricks.

Eleanor was left with a big decision. Should she allow her grandsons to become wards of the state and potentially be placed in a home or homes where they would be loved and cared for by strangers or should she continue to try caring for the rambunctious young boys. In her head, she knew that she should turn them over to the state but in her heart she just couldn't let them go. So, selfishly she decided to make the best of a shitty situation and applied for a certificate of guardianship so she could make the necessary decisions with regard to Jesse and Casey for their futures.

Eleanor and the boys didn't hear from Bambi for a few years after that. If she was being honest, Eleanor wasn't sure that Bambi was even still alive. Part of her hoped that she wasn't because at least that way she wasn't selling her soul to the devil anymore. They celebrated her birthday each year with a small cake that Eleanor managed to pick up at the local grocery store on it's last sellable date followed by a trip to the park to play on the swings or into the forest to collect pine cones. Neither boy remembered their mother but went through the motions for their grandma's sake.

When Jesse was seven, Bambi resurfaced. She showed up at Eleanor's house looking like death; she has been beaten pretty badly and was hardly recognizable. It took Eleanor a few minutes to recognize the young woman on her doorstep, huddled in a corner of the porch, wearing nothing but shorts and a ripped tank top. She was thin as a rail and there were track marks up her arms and in her neck from shooting up. Against her better judgement, Eleanor allowed Bambi to stay.

While the boys were at school, Eleanor helped Bambi bathe and wash her hair, gave her some of the clean clothes that she'd left behind and a hot meal; probably her first in months. She fell asleep in her mother's bed and slept for over 40 hours while the drugs began to ebb from her system. The boy's first glimpse of Bambi was through a crack in the bedroom door and it almost broke Eleanor's heart when Jesse asked who the lady was.

Bambi stayed for a total of three months, just long enough to celebrate Jesse's eighth birthday. Shy of her children, Bambi didn't know what they liked or were into so instead of purchasing a proper gift for Jesse, she slipped him a pack of cigarettes and a fifth of bourbon. He didn't know what to do with it so hid it under the floorboard in his bedroom, terrified that his Granny would find it.

Then just as suddenly as she had shown up, she disappeared again in the middle of the night. She didn't leave a note or a forwarding address but took Eleanor's jewelry, including her wedding rings. The next time Eleanor heard from her daughter was when she was admitted to the hospital to give birth to her third son, Jonah Charles, named loving after her dearly departed dad. Jonah was born two months prematurely and addicted to meth. By the grace of God, a lot of rehabilitation and love and support from Eleanor, he was ready to leave the hospital after just five weeks.

True to form, Bambi went back home with Eleanor only to leave again weeks later without so much as a ' _see ya later'_. Eleanor was getting worn out; she was constantly bailing Bambi out and caring for her grandsons was now becoming very taxing on her. The boys needed real parents, discipline and continuity which was something that, no matter how hard she tried, Eleanor couldn't provide. She could give them love, food and shelter but she couldn't give them parents who cared.

Bambi's fourth and final child came two years after Jonah on a blustery, windy day. Eleanor had just settled the boys down for the night when the phone rang. Hearing the nurse ask for her, ' _the mother of Barbara Swanson'_ , Eleanor thought that Bambi had finally killed herself and was almost angry that the nurse was happily chirping on about Bambi being in labor and could Eleanor please bring her things to the hospital.

Colby Joshua was a beautiful baby, just like his brothers and while Eleanor was exhausted, she couldn't turn the baby away. He was a healthy eight pounds and Eleanor got the impression that Bambi had really tried to look after herself with her latest pregnancy. There was a softness to her cheeks and a sparkle in her eye that Eleanor hadn't seen for many, many years. Before they left the hospital she told Bambi that this was the absolute end of the line. She couldn't continue to bring children into the world and not care for them. Eleanor convinced her to have her tubes tied so that there wouldn't be anymore parentless children. Surprisingly, Bambi agreed with no questions or arguments.

Just as she had after each of her other hospitalizations, Bambi went home to her mother's after Colby's birth for a couple of weeks before disappearing into the unknown again. The house was small and was wood framed with a roof that leaked in a torrential downpour. The porch was rickety after many years of young boys riding their bikes all over it and the boys would crawl underneath it to hide from the bullies.

With Eleanor, Bambi and all four boys living in it they were practically falling over each other and there was always a line for the single bathroom in the morning. On one of the last visits, the social worker noticed that the house was in desperate need of some major TLC and mentioned it to Eleanor, who cried and hid her face in her hands. She couldn't afford the repairs. She was just barely making ends meet and usually had little or nothing left at the end of the month. She often went without food for a couple of days to make sure the rapidly growing boys had enough to eat.

The only reason the boys got birthday and Christmas presents was because of her friends at church. They would call a week or so before and find out the boys sizes and interests and on the day presents would show up on the front porch, labeled carefully with a tag that read ' _with love'_.

When Jesse was ten, Bambi came back to get her boys. She had suddenly decided that she wanted to be a mother and without giving Eleanor any time to get used to the idea, she loaded the boys into a rented car, tossed their clothes into the trunk, nodded her thanks to her mother and drove off. She left Eleanor in a cloud of dust and with a broken heart.

Bambi moved them to a trailer park on Sherman Grove Avenue which was rundown but before the Swanson's moved in, it was relatively quiet. At $50 a week, it was all that Bambi could afford, given that the only work she was able to get kept her on her back with her legs in the air, most, if not all, of the time.

The boys saw things that children their age should never have to see. They watched their mother whored around with not only men but women as well. Bambi's bedroom had a red light and a revolving door. There was a constant parade of men going through the trailer and none of them seemed to care that there were four frightened children huddled up on the couch in the living room with their fingers in their ears, trying to block out the sounds coming from the other side of the trailer.

They witnessed her drug addiction and the effects it had on her as her hard lifestyle began to take it's toll. While the drugs seemed to have a calming effect on her, when she had a fresh hit or she was waiting for her dealer to arrive with a fresh supply; when the drugs had already run out she was anxious and mean. The boys became her punching bags.

She regularly kept them out of school in order to be able to run errands for her. When Jesse and Casey attended school, they were picked on for being poor and for wearing the same clothes day after day. They tried switching clothes with each other which somehow made it worse. Jesse had been a better than average student who had dreams of making it big in show business. Despite having no formal training, he had an ear for music and would often sneak into the school's music room when he thought no one was around. One afternoon, just before he was about to leave, Mr. Davies caught him with a guitar, squietly strumming away.

After fussing at Jesse for ten minutes, Mr. Davies asked him why he'd never seen him at music practice as he was clearly talented. Jesse explained that there was no money in the home for lessons and he was sorry for being where he shouldn't have been. Mr. Davies looked at him; he knew the family history and felt bad for the boy.

Mr. Davies marched Jesse out of the school building and straight to the parking lot. Jesse was terrified that he was about to be turned over to the police, when he noticed that Mr. Davies popped the trunk of his car and fished out a battered guitar that had seen better days; it had holes in the soundboard, the rosette had chunks missing and several initials had been carved into the handle.

Mr. Davies presented the guitar to Jesse and apologized for the state of it but said it was his to keep as long as he promised to come back week by week for free lessons and he had to join the school choir. Jesse smile could had lit up the darkest room. He was so excited to have received such a wonderful, heartfelt gift.

Jesse conformed for two months until one of his mother's newest clients became angry when Jonah began to cry during a particularly loud session one Sunday afternoon. Jesse had been playing guitar in an effort to soothe Jonah and drown out the animalistic sounds coming from his mother's bedroom. Aggravated about the interruption, the client stormed into the living room, snatched the guitar from Jesse and broke it over his knee.

The next day at school, he and Casey were approached by a large group of boys who discovered Jesse's choir sheet music in his bag. The teasing lasted throughout school. Jesse was too embarrassed to admit to Mr. Davies what had happened as he didn't want to admit what his Mom did for a living so told the music teacher that he simply didn't want to learn to play anymore. Extremely frustrated by the whole thing, Jesse lost interest in school after that and Casey, copying everything that his older brother did, followed suit.

A couple more years passed and Jesse, the oldest of the four boys and by default, the man of the house had started to become well known to the local law enforcement. He and Casey, the two oldest Swanson boys, were known around the trailer park as trouble with a capital 'T'. The boys terrorized the residents of the Sunland Trailer Park community day in and day out, with homemade fireworks going off all night long and their own version of smash the mailbox.

When Jesse or his brothers wanted something, he had to steal to get it. Initially, it started off with basics like food and school supplies. He stole food to feed himself and his brothers because Bambi often left them with little or nothing. When his face became more familiar around town and the reputation of the Swanson Boys grew, he couldn't steal food as he was constantly followed around the store so he would dumpster dive behind restaurants in search of the best old food that was being thrown out.

Then as he got older, Jesse started stealing cigarettes and booze so that he and his brother Casey could sit around the dilapidated trailer smoking, drinking and looking cool. By this time, neither of them bothered going to school and when approached, Bambi claimed the boys had moved out of state. She no longer cared what they did as long as they kept out of her way.

When Jesse was sixteen, he was finally caught and arrested for shoplifting. After having his mugshot taken and being fingerprinted, he was handed a cup and told to pee in it. He knew he was screwed because the jailer was watching him and he couldn't pee in the toilet then collect it in the cup like he had seen his mother do so many times before. He was going to have to pee directly in the cup and pay the consequences. He was just glad that Casey hadn't been caught and hoped he'd made it out with some food for the younger boys.

Jesse spent a week in juvenile detention before being placed into a boys home. It was by far the nicest place he'd ever lived, with clean sheets, a bed to himself and three square meals a day but it was far from home. He wanted and needed to be with his brothers, having cared them for so long. He had to protect them from Bambi and her johns. He got word to Casey to see how things were going but when he didn't hear back, he began to worry. After spending two weeks in the home, Jesse decided it was time to leave and get home to check up on them. After everyone was asleep, he went to the kitchen, loaded up a large duffle bag with all of the food he could shove in it and headed back to Sunland Trailer Park.

Jesse hiked across town until he arrived back home. He walked in on the biggest fuck fest he'd ever seen and what made it worse was that his brothers were being made to watch as their mother, who was barely conscious, was being passed around like a tray of hors d'oeuvres at a party. Jesse quickly collected his brothers, all the clothes he and Casey could manage to carry, and left the trailer. It was too late to bring them to Eleanor's as she lived a good fifty miles away and the two younger boys were in no fit state to walk that far so they all spent the night in a local park. However, Jesse was able to feed his brothers what was apparently their first decent meal in weeks. They binged on Jesse's haul while he and Casey tried to hatch a plan for the future. When Jonah and Colby fell asleep in and among the food that they hadn't devoured, they huddled together under the jungle gym to keep warm.

After spending three days in the park, the boys did eventually return to the trailer but Jesse officially put Bambi on notice. He told her that if she wanted to live like that she was more than welcomed to but that he and his brothers would no longer be forced to watch her in her semi hypnotic and drug induced stupor while strange men feasted on her then passed her to next guy in line.

One month later, just before Casey's 14th birthday, they got word that their mother was found dead in a seedy hotel room naked and sprawled across her pimp's chest. She died of an apparent drug overdose and all four boys were legally given back to Eleanor and from then on, social services was sent in to check on her and the boys regularly. None of the boys cried at her passing or even seemed remotely upset. On the day of her funeral, Jesse and Casey were no where to be found, having gone out with a group of girls from the local youth club. Having the reputation as bad boys meant they were not short of female admirers who were desperate to look and act older than they were. Without decent parental supervision for a long time, Jesse didn't care about the consequences and bedded as many girls as he could, narrowly escaping the wrath of one father who caught him boinking both of his daughters at the same party.

Eleanor, or Granny as the boys called her, tried her hardest to keep everyone in line but it was no easy feat for the widow. At nearly sixty years old, Eleanor was well beyond her child rearing years. She tried her damnedest but Jesse and Casey were a lost cause; they had seen a lot in their young lives and were angry at just about everything in life. Like their mother, they were into sex, drugs and rock and roll and Eleanor couldn't go down the same path with them that she had with Bambi. She no longer had the strength or the conviction.

As a result Jesse and Casey were emancipated and were no longer Eleanor's responsibility. The only time she saw them was when they needed money, clean clothes or a shower. She always welcomed them into her home; she still dearly loved them and they understood her reasons for emancipating them. They found girlfriends to live with for a few days and once bored, they moved on to the next girls. They stole money or things to hock but never enough to raise suspicions, having gotten clever and wise despite their young years.

Jonah and Colby were six and eight when Bambi died and because they were so young, Eleanor had a much easier time raising them though it still wasn't easy. They played truant, hoarded food and had very little regard for rules but Eleanor persevered with them, desperate to help and surround them with love and kindness. Her system worked and they began to thrive again.

The following year, Eleanor died peacefully in her sleep. Jesse and Casey were in no position to care for Jonah and Colby, who were placed into foster care. Jesse had two requests… that Jonah and Colby be kept together and that he and Casey be allowed to meet the foster family. The caseworker was more than understanding of their requests and promised that as soon as the boys were ready to be placed, she would call them.

Two weeks later, Jesse received a call from Jonah and Colby's caseworker. A foster family had been found and was willing to take both boys right away. Jesse and Casey met and loved the foster family and felt that Jonah and Colby would be loved and cared for. After a tearful goodbye, Jonah and Colby were off to be with their new family in the next county. The foster family impressed on Jesse and Casey that they were welcome to visit once a month and share a meal with them. After the first visit and seeing their brothers settled, they never went back again.

Jesse and Casey were thick as thieves; they did everything together including spending time in juvenile hall for misdemeanors and shoplifting. As part of an outreach program, a local charity introduced them to a music workshop and both Jesse and Casey became animatedly involved, turning their lives around within a few months. Casey, as ever, followed Jesse's lead which proved to be a good thing as Jesse spent more and more time at the center with underprivileged children, earning a small wage. They saved every buck they could for their future.

Not long after Jesse turned twenty one he had a bit of an epiphany and decided that he suddenly knew what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He and Casey had been hanging around with a group of guys that they had met while at the outreach center and had bonded over their troubled childhoods and together, they decided to form a band. They were going to practice as much and as often as they could and somehow, some way they were going to get a record deal and make something of themselves.

They took on every party, bar mitzvah, humble bar gig and festival that they could. Within a few months, they were getting repeat bookings but still, the money wasn't rolling in like they hoped. They rented a small one bedroom apartment and the four boys made it work although affording nice things was hard. Occasionally Casey would come home and empty his pockets with things he had managed to shoplift but everyone else turned a blind eye to his thieving ways, calling it a necessary means to justify it to themselves.

A few months into their second year, Billy brought home a flyer that he'd seen stapled to a tree by the local convenience store. It was an advertisement for a Battle of the Bands contest a few miles away. The boys agreed to work on their vocals and found a dozen songs they liked which worked with their sound.

Despite working hard and practicing relentlessly, the boys didn't win or even get close to making it past the second round. However, Jesse got a taste for the promise of a real contract and so encouraged the boys to write some lyrics and score some new music for the competition the following year. They updated and simplified their look, changed their name to The Riff and spent some time down at the community center, helping themselves to the free gym, doing all they could to give themselves a shot.

Their dedication paid off when The Riff, and especially Jesse, caught the eye of a keen talent scout from Warner.


	5. Chapter 5: Angst and Aftershock

**o~O~o  
** **Chapter 5  
** **o~O~o**

 **A/N: Two chapters in less than a week. This was another difficult chapter to write, but please bear with me, they won't all be this way. I promise.**

 **A HUGE heartfelt _'Thank You'_ to Corinne (waatp) for beta'ing two very difficult, very emotional and heart wrenching chapters in less than one week. You've gone above and beyond to help me reach my goal with this story. I hope that each chapter continues to make you proud.**

* * *

 **o~O~o**

 ** _You Save Me_**

 ** _By: Kenny Chesney_**

 ** _o~O~o_**

 _"Every now and then I get a little lost  
_ _My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed  
_ _Every now and then I'm right up on the edge  
_ _Dangling my toes out over the ledge  
_ _I just thank God you're here_

 _'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
_ _'Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone  
_ _Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy  
_ _No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
_ _Baby you save me_

 _It's hard lovin' a man that's got a gypsy soul  
_ _I don't know how you do it, I'm not sure how you know  
_ _The perfect thing to say to save me from myself  
_ _You're the angel that believes in me like nobody else  
_ _And I thank God you do"_

 _ **o~O~o**_

* * *

Beca and Jesse had a whirlwind romance. Things went from very casual to very serious quite fast... a little too fast for her parents liking but Beca was so wrapped up in Jesse that she ignored, or maybe simply didn't notice, the rather obvious hints her mother was dropping when she called home.

Beca only told her parents how wonderful Jesse was and how happy he made her. She never mentioned that, while she and Jesse did love each other, their relationship was far from perfect. They had disagreements and some pretty heated arguments, but they couldn't go more than a few hours without making up. Half the time they each silently wondered if they were picking fights on purpose because the making up was always stellar. Whether it was an intense make out session in the living room, a quick shag in the car on the way to work or a full on porn style boink in the pool; somehow making up made them forget what they were fighting about in the first place, which wasn't always a good thing.

Some arguments shouldn't be forgotten, and it was at times like these that Beca was grateful that she had hidden infrared cameras peppered throughout the house. Like the time Beca woke in the middle of the night to Jesse thrashing around in the bed. His entire body was rigid, he was gripping handfuls of the bedsheets and sweating profusely while mumbling something about " _Stop! You're hurting her! Stop!"_

Beca was startled awake by Jesse's sudden and erratic movements. Holding the sheet to her chest, she glanced at the clock on the nightstand… 2:26am. They'd only been asleep for a little more than a hour. She looked at him with a wild eye because she had no clue what he was dreaming about. She'd never seen him like this. It was scary. She reached down on the floor for his t-shirt, pulled it over her head and scooted to the end of the bed as his nightmare played out in front of her. She wanted to hold him tight and comfort him but the bulging veins and muscles in his neck told her this was not ordinary fear. She wondered what had happened; they had a pleasant evening, listening to music and eating angel hair pasta before quite a mammoth sex session in the kitchen, on the floor of the family room, in her shower and again in the jacuzzi tub before falling into her bed and spooning.

She simply couldn't understand what had triggered this. She touched the small bruise on her lip as he continued to thrash around mumbling things that made no sense to her. Who was being hurt? Why was he hungry? What boys was he talking about? Did he have kids? What wasn't he telling her? She didn't understand and what was worse was she didn't know what to do.

Ryan had been one of those people who, as soon as his head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes, was fast asleep within seconds and didn't move until the alarm sounded the next day. Beca knew that Jesse was completely different. He often paced the floor, scratching at his forearms when he thought she wasn't looking and would occasionally look miles away, lost in deep thought. Bedtime seemed to be a trigger for Jesse and watching her fall asleep seemed to calm him. She didn't find it creepy; after all, everyone had their own way of doing things.

She sat watching him, for what seemed like forever, as he rolled around shouting. His body trembled and sweat poured off of him, soaking the sheets. She only moved closer when he started reaching out and trying to find her on her side of the bed. "Beca…" he mumbled as his hands searched the bed for her.

"I'm here." she whispered as she crawled cautiously back to the head of the bed and laid down.

He reached out for her face and gently stroked her cheek. "You were gone."

"No, I was here." She said kissing his cheek. "I was right there." She told him as she pointed to the spot on the bed that she had just vacated.

Suddenly, Jesse realized what had just happened and sat straight up, letting the sheets pool around his waist. "Shit!"

"What? What's wrong Jesse?"

Jesse got out of bed, put on his boxers and quickly made his way downstairs with Beca hot on his heels. She had no idea what was going on but whatever it was, she didn't want him to have to deal with it alone. She followed Jesse as he wandered into each room downstairs in turn, looking disoriented. Beca waited as he looked like he was trying to decide where to settle. She gave him all the time he needed before she poked her head out into the wide, open hallway to see where he was going next. She found Jesse pacing the kitchen floor, his hands threaded through his hair as he mumbled something about being "careless and stupid".

"Jesse… what's going on?" Beca asked as she tried to pull his hands down from their position on the top of his head, where he was fisting handfuls of his hair, but he pulled away from her sharply. "Talk to me. What's wrong?" She noticed his eyes had a cloudy look to them and he didn't appear to truly be awake. He seemed far away even though he was only standing a few feet away from her. He looked wild, angry and looked as if he hadn't slept for a week. "Jesse… I'm right here." She said stroking his cheek.

He batted her hand away. "Leave. Me. Alone." He spat through gritted teeth as she withdrew her hand quickly, clutching it to her chest with a touch of shock at his actions.

"No, I won't leave you alone. That's probably the worst thing I could do right now."

"Beca, I swear…" He began, ringing his fists.

"You swear what?" She asked. Her hackles were up now and she was tired of trying to sugar coat whatever was going on with him. He was acting worse than Sawyer did when he was in one of his petulant moods. Beca knew that Jesse needed to talk to her. However, she couldn't help him if he didn't. "Jesse… are you gonna talk to me or are we just going to continue dancing around whatever is going on with you?"

"Don't…"

"Don't what Jesse?"

"Don't... push me."

"Or what?"

Jesse raised his closed fist to Beca. "Don't!" He reiterated.

"Or what? You're gonna hit me?" Beca challenged, her eyes dancing everywhere as she watched his biceps flex and contract as he fought with the urge to punch her. "Because that'll solve everything, right?!"

"Beca… I said _don't_!"

"I don't think you have the balls to hit me!" Beca spat at him. The words were no sooner off her lips when she found herself ducking. His fist was like a pile driver as it went through the wall behind her. If she hadn't ducked he would have punched her right square in the face. Standing up straight again, she took one long look at him as he tried to pull his hand out of the wall. Not staying long enough to see if he was okay, she ran up the stairs to her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

Taking off after her, Jesse called her as he ran up the stairs, taking two at a time. He was as white as a sheet as he hurtled to a stop outside her bedroom. He squeezed his toes into the thick plush hallway carpeting as he rested his head on the door, twisting the handle several times. "Beca… I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Please unlock the door, let me in." He could hear her crying through the door and while he could have broken it down, he felt like he'd done enough damage for one night. Then he started questioning why he had gotten up at all. She had been so sweet, laying in bed comforting him after a nightmare and he had to go and ruin it by getting out of the damn bed. Now he'd managed to scare the shit out of her and he wasn't sure she was going to forgive him, after her understandable reaction.

"Beca, baby… come on, open the door." He begged, trying the handle once more before knocking softly a couple of times.

No answer.

 **o~O~o**

He leaned his back against the door and slid down, hitting the floor with a fast thump. Putting his elbows on his knees and raking his hands through his hair he mumbled, "Way to go asshole. You probably just ruined the best thing that has ever happened to you."

They each sat in silence on opposite sides of the door, neither knowing what the other was doing. They sat that way for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only about an hour or so. Beca was crying hard, letting the tears silently splash onto Jesse's tee shirt. She looked down to see that she was still wearing one of his favourite things. Almost surprised, she pulled his shirt over her head, tossing it towards the corner of the room as she quickly rose to her feet. She crossed the room to her closet and pulled open the door. She sought out a sports bra and comfy sweater; despite it being a warm night, she was chilled to the bone.

Jesse was at war with himself. Should he tell her what happened? Should he tell her what day it was and why it was so important to him? Would telling her cause her to run further away from him? Would she even understand? Would she think he was a freak? Would she hold him like a broken bird or see him for the lion that he felt he was for beating his childhood. The truth was, he didn't know and he'd never know unless he told her. If she ran, then he'd deal with it the only way he knew how.

He took a deep breath. "Beca… are you awake?"

Beca sat near the end of her bed, sobbing quietly, wondering who this person was that she allowed into her life and her home. What she'd just witnessed wasn't anything she'd ever seen from him before. He was scary and seemed almost possessed. There was an evil, vacant look in his eyes and, she was quite happy to admit to herself, it scared the hell out of her.

She could hear him right outside the door. He'd jiggled the door handle a few times and he sounded sincere in his attempts to apologize but she wasn't ready to let him in. What she really wanted to do was call her Dad or Luke but that would only complicate things more. She didn't want to keep running to them with every problem. She was old enough to handle it. She had to face Jesse at some point, but when?

"Beca… I'm sorry. Please, open the door." Jesse begged.

Jesse listened for a response but all he heard was a faint sniffle and a whispered "No", spoken from somewhere far beyond the other side of the door. He could imagine her tucked safely into a corner with her knees up to her chin and he hated that he'd scared her.

He took a deep breath and readied himself for what he was about to tell her. He'd never shared what his family life had been like with anyone. His admission would either make them stronger or break them completely, but he knew that either way he had to tell her.

"Ok fine. I'll talk then." He told her, keeping his voice even, strong and slow. "What do you want to know?"

Beca couldn't believe it. He was finally going to talk and he was asking her what she wanted to know. It was now or never. She scooted her way closer toward the door, rubbing her hands over her face. She took several deep breaths and whispered, "Everything."

She had asked him many times before about his family but he always threw a wall up and refused to tell her anything. He avoided her questions like the plague, always changing the subject to something happier. Beca just figured that someday he would come around. She never thought something like this would have to happen for that day to finally arrive. And she couldn't be happier.

"There's really no way to put this nicely…" Jesse started before taking a deep breath and continuing; he'd taken the first step and now he was ready to run the race. "Bambi, my mother, was a prostitute and a crack whore. She was in and out of our lives from a young age, in fact, I barely remember her before the age of about eight. That scar you were asking me about a couple of weeks ago is from a cigarette burn from my mother's first boyfriend who was also her pimp."

Jesse found that now he had started, he almost forgot he was actually talking as the words continued to tumble out of his mouth. He told Beca about Chuck, his grandmother, his brother Casey and the struggles they had with food, safety, health. He decided to keep Jonah and Colby to himself for awhile longer. They were no longer part of his life but as everything else spilled out onto the carpet in front of him, his body was wracked with sobs as he told her about the help from his music teacher and how much he wanted to keep that guitar and make Mr. Davies proud; he was the only father figure he had ever really known. He didn't go into graphic details about what went on behind his mother's bedroom door. As much as he hated to admit it, he felt his owed his mother _something_. He just wasn't sure what it was.

Perhaps he should tell her about Jonah and Colby. He had nothing to lose at this point.

"My brothers and I were raised by my Granny. She did her best but she didn't know the first thing about raising four boys on her own."

Beca gasped. No wonder he never wanted to share anything about his childhood. She couldn't imagine or pretend to know what he'd been through. Then she thought about when he'd just said, "Brothers?" She only knew about Casey, she had no idea that he had more than one sibling.

"Yes. Jonah and Colby are a good bit younger than Casey and me. When my Granny died, they were put into foster care and later adopted. They're happy now. I haven't seen them in years."

Beca again was at a loss for words. The woman who raised Jesse died and he lost his brothers; it was so far removed from her own childhood that she couldn't comprehend it all. She realized she was sitting, cross legged on the floor, with her head resting against the door. She looked up in surprise as she hadn't realized she had been scooting closer and closer towards him; it was as if each word he admitted, and each tale he told, took a brick out of the wall he'd constructed.

She was impressed by the rawness that he'd laid out before her, the admission that the reason he was the way he was and why he never took her to see where'd he grown up.

"Jesse?"

"Yeah."

"Why now?" Beca said, standing up and quietly unlocking the door. Jesse heard the lock snap and shifted around to face the door. "Why today?"

Jesse opened the door and for the first time in hours came face to face with Beca. "Today is the anniversary of my Granny's death. I guess it stirred up a lot of feeling for me."

"Oh Jess…" Beca said as she took him in her arms. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

 **o~O~o**

 _'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
_ _When I'm a firecracker comin' undone  
_ _When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy  
_ _No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
_ _Baby you save me_

 _I know I don't tell you nearly enough  
_ _That I couldn't live one day without your love  
_ _When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves  
_ _Up on a highwire that's ready to break  
_ _When I've had just about all I can take  
_ _Baby you, baby you save me_

 _When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
_ _When I'm a firecracker comin' undone  
_ _No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
_ _Baby you save me_

 **o~O~o**


	6. Chapter 6: Parents and Parties

**A/N: Well, here's my mid-week update and contribution to Hump Day. I hope this helps to get you through the rest of the week. Enjoy!**

 **Many thanks Corinne for being my beta! You're the bestest!**

* * *

 **o~O~o**

 **Chapter 6**

 **o~O~o**

When Beca told her parents over one of their regular Sunday dinners that Jesse had moved in, they naturally went crazy. She knew things weren't going to go well but she didn't expect the response she got.

" _Rebeca_ , have you lost your damn mind?!" Anne shrieked, uncharacteristically loudly as she dropped her fork on the plate with a loud clatter. It instantly made Beca realize where Aubrey got her shrillness from.

"Anne, _clearly_ she _has_ lost her damn mind! She's moved a complete stranger into her home." Will exclaimed. "And I am going to assume that he isn't a house mate and therefore he's sleeping and doing other things in her bedroom."

"Dad! Really? I'm not out of my mind nor have I lost my _'damn mind'_. I'm of sound mind... and body, I swear." Beca protested. "I know you guys don't like Jesse but I think that's just because you haven't gotten the chance to get to know him. Look, I love him and we're ready to take the next step. I wish you'd give him a chance."

"Notice she didn't say that Jesse's wasn't a stranger." Anne mumbled as she dabbed at the corners of her mouth with her linen napkin.

"Ok look, I promise to give Jesse a chance, if…" William began, looking at Beca over the top of his glasses before taking a sip of his best wine. "If..."

' _This should be good_ '. Beca thought to herself. "If what, Dad?"

"I want to protect you, your home and your things at all costs." William said taking another sip of wine, before carefully placing the glass back on the table and running his fingers up and down the stem as he decided on the words to use. "I'd like you sign the house over to your mother and I."

"What? Why? No! It's my house! I bought it with my own money!" Beca asked in a raised tone that took her parents by surprise. It sounded an awful lot like the crotchety tone of the snarky teenager they once knew.

"And part of that money came from your trust fund young lady." Anne quickly reminded Beca.

"So that gives you the right to take my house?" Beca screeched. "If I'd known that, I'd never have taken the money and I'd have bought a tent and fucking -"

"- Rebeca Elizabeth!" Anne admonished.

"Sorry." Beca said, remembering her mother's rule about swearing under her roof.

"Bec, we're not taking your house, we're only trying to protect you." Will said, keeping his voice even; Beca used to call it his 'professor voice'. "If you and Jesse are still together and happy in ten years time, we'll gladly sign the house back over to you, no questions asked, but for now, since we really _don't_ know Jesse, I'd feel more comfortable knowing that the house is in our name. The house will be ours in name only."

"Fine!" Beca said petulantly, crossing her arms and looking at her dad with the stank eye. "Have it your way, but just so you know Jesse and I _will_ prove you wrong." She knew, deep down, that her parents were right, none of them really _knew_ Jesse but she didn't want to admit it. She knew that they had her best interests at heart.

So, by the end of the week, Beca signed her house over to her parents. Her father thanked her for her maturity towards the matter even though she was so desperate to poke her tongue out at him over the remark. The deed was officially in their name and according to them, no one else ever had to know.

 **o~O~o**

A little over a month later, Beca invited Jesse to go on a business trip with her for the first time. Jason DeRulo was filming a music video in Hawaii and Beca had to be on location for at least a week to oversee her client. She thought it would be the perfect getaway in the most beautiful tropical paradise to spend some time with him.

Jesse reminded Beca that he couldn't go because he had several gigs lined up, including one at the Paradise Cove Beach Bar which he had been trying to land for a while. He also had a few meetings with a couple of record label executives that Beca had set up for him and he really didn't want to miss out or reschedule. This could be the big break he was waiting for. While Beca was disappointed, she recognized the fire in Jesse's eyes and knew she couldn't insist on him coming along when he had his heart set on making it out of the bars and clubs and into a proper gig.

Beca arrived at work early the morning before she was due to leave and had been busy all morning getting things prepared for her trip when she got a text from Jesse. He had gotten a little better about communication after his nightmare the week before.

" _Hey sexy! What's your schedule look like this afternoon?"_

" _Hi! It loosens up bit after Noon. What do you have in mind?"_

" _Lunch… 1pm?"_

" _Would love a lunch date with my man! Where?"_

" _I'll stop by your office and we can decide."_

" _Cool. See you soon."_

" _Can't wait!"_

Jesse showed up at Beca's office about thirty minutes early, he wanted to see her in her element. The last time he'd really witnessed her work was the night they met when she was trying to offer him a contract, something he happily declined in favor of everything else he got in return that night.

Wearing a pair of new jeans and a freshly laundered white shirt that tapered at the waist, he checked with the receptionist and was given a guest badge, then told that Beca's office was on the 42nd floor. The receptionist pointed him in the direction of the security desk and he headed off, following the direction of her finger, desperately trying to stop the squeak of his Converse on the highly polished marble floor as he crossed the foyer. He couldn't get over how secure the building actually was, as he spotted small infrared cameras, partially hidden in amongst the tall ferns that decorated the entrance to the building. He was used to looking out for security details from when he was a lad and about to steal from a shop and he was impressed with the place. No wonder Beca always told him that she would just meet him out front.

Upon arrival at the security desk, Jesse was met with a warm smile and a request to see his license and visitor ID badge. The young blonde looked him up and took in his toned physique and Jesse found himself subconsciously flexing his muscles. A couple of taps on the keyboard and a beaming smile later, he was directed towards the turnstiles and a huge, burly security guard asked him to swipe his ID badge through the reader before emptying his pockets into a battered black tray and walking through the metal detector. Jesse did as he was asked although he was surprised as he didn't think maximum security prisons had this many checkpoints. Earl, the security guard, handed him back his belongings and walked him over to the line of elevators, telling him that he'd have to swipe his visitor badge once inside. Wishing him a good day, he pressed the call button and returned to his desk. Jesse was impressed; he liked that Beca was safe at work, even if the security was overkill.

Stepping inside the elevator, he noted the soft brown leather couch that ran along one wall before swiping his guest badge as directed. Immediately the doors closed and with a gentle hum, he was whisked away to the 42nd floor. With the tiniest of dings, the doors slid open as a robotic voice announced which floor he was on. Jesse just stopped himself short of saying thank you as he exited the elevator, looking both ways before seeing her name on the wall with a suite number and an arrow, realizing that he needed to go right to get to Beca's office.

As he walked along the colorful corridor, he noted the paintings and music memorabilia strategically placed along the walls. There were autographed pictures and he spotted Beca in at least four of them, hugging Beyonce and even wearing Pharrell's hat. He laughed at the signature on the photograph, where she looked to be holding up a drunk Katy Perry, who had lovingly signed it with a " _Finger banging rocks. Best day ever. KP xo"._

The whole atmosphere of the office seemed to be fresh and fun and Jesse understood why Beca loved her job so much, why she never complained about the long hours or the intense workload. As he came to the end of the corridor and the front of Beca's office, he never in a million years expected to be greeted with icy glares from two obviously unhappy Asians in the middle of a world class stare down. It was the exact opposite of the bright, almost friendly ambience he'd encountered on his walk through the main part of the floor. He walked through the double glass doors and the hairs on the back of neck stood up as two sets of eyes turned in unison and bore into his soul. He gulped a couple of times as they stood watching him. They continued to blink simultaneously, narrowing their eyes at the intrusion. It seemed like something that the newest weekly comedy about office politics could be made of.

Jesse quickly introduced himself to both girls but got no response… just more icy glares and a frosty feeling. They continued to stare until Jesse could no longer manage to hold their gaze. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw a slight smile on one of the girls lips as he struggled with being extremely uncomfortable in their presence. Stepping further into the overly neat and orderly reception area, he finally breathed with relief when he saw Beca in her office. He took in his surroundings as he waited for either one of the girls to say something, anything. The only reason he knew their names was because of the name plaques that sat on their desk. Jesse finally got a little reprieve when Kimmy Jin paused briefly to answer the phone, barking into the mouthpiece, with an obvious attitude like she thought she was somebody important.

Jesse almost jumped out of his skin when he noted the smaller girl, Lilly, came up behind him and whispered things about dead people and robbing graves straight into his ear. He turned around quickly but she was already seated back at her desk, twisting a small voodoo doll around in her hands. Jesse was confused; this was more than a little odd. He couldn't understand why were these two working for Beca? They were nothing like her, although he did admit he was highly impressed at how organised and efficient they seemed to be.

Lilly was soon back at his side, with a small cup of steaming hot coffee in her hand. "Drink this and all of your troubles will go away." She whispered before whipping out a small comb from her sleeve and straightening her bangs.

"I... um, yeah. I don't drink coffee." Jesse lied, determined that he wasn't going to take anything that was offered by the small but scary Asian. He gulped a couple of times as he looked over Lilly's shoulder to see where the coffee machine was, noting quickly there wasn't one. He wondered where she had gotten the drink from. He looked over to where the other girl was but noted she was busy dusting a small bonsai tree that sat on her desk.

Jesse politely moved away from Lilly and sat in one of the four chairs along the wall to wait. Beca's inner office was amazing with its floor to ceiling windows, glass walls and large potted plants. Her desk was in the centre of the room and made of titanium steel and glass. He watched her intently as she talked on the phone, twirling the phone cord around in her hand and gently swaying her chair as she looked out the window. He chuckled out loud as he watched her get quite animated, suddenly springing forward on her chair and throwing her head back as she laughed.

He suddenly felt chilled. He looked away from Beca and found four big icy Asian eyes giving him the stare down again. What was with these two? Apparently his chuckle had evidently disturbed their afternoon frost war. Lilly, the girl sitting at the desk on the right, mumbled something about sleeping like a bat but Jesse was too afraid to ask what she meant, while Kimmy Jin, on the left, never uttered a word, although she did give his shoes a quick once over and raised an eyebrow in his direction.

When Jesse saw Beca hang up the phone, walk over to her whiteboard and scribble a few notes then sit back down at her desk, he stood up sharply, catching the attention of the icy ninjas in the waiting area. That he knew of, Beca still hadn't seen him waiting for her but there was no way that he was staying in the frigid waiting area any longer.

"I'm… I'm just… I'm gonna…" Jesse babbled as he motioned toward Beca's office. He cautiously turned around and made a beeline for the door to Beca's office before either girl could cast a spell on him or freeze him in his tracks. Pushing open the door, he immediately felt the warmth from her emanating around the door and the ever present, soft scent of her perfume. He instantly felt better, like he'd come home.

Beca looked up as he walked through the door. "Hey you!" She said, as she opened an email that just hit her inbox. "Is it 1 o'clock already?"

"No, not quite." He told her, wiping his palms on his pants. He hadn't realized how much he'd been sweating in the three minutes he'd been waiting for her outside. "I'm a few minutes early."

"I just have to send a quick response to this email then we can head out." Beca said, beginning to type.

"No rush." Jesse said.

"You can wait outside if you like. Just don't take any coffee from Lilly. That stuff'll kill ya." Beca mused as she watched his face drop. "Relax dude, I'm _just_ kidding." Jesse swallowed a few times before he walked around her desk and kissed the top of her head. She leaned into him a little as she continued typing and he rubbed her shoulders for a second or two before making his way over to the wall of windows to have a looked out. He couldn't imagine getting anything done during the day with this type of view. It was literally a window to the world.

He turned back around; her office was truly amazing. He glanced at her bookcases and wanting a closer look, he walked toward them. They were full of vinyl records, CD's, awards and picture frames. She had pictures of her family, friends, artists that she worked with and others that she met. She really did have it all. He was surprised to see a small silver frame with a picture of the two of them in and amongst pictures of Kanye West, Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran.

"Ok you… I'm all yours." She said closing out her email, bringing him back into the moment. "Where we going?"

"I was thinking Claim Jumper?" He suggested, holding out his hand to her. "It's close… they have steak and we could walk if you want."

"Oh.. That place is awesome. I haven't been there in forever."

"Ok, let's do this."

Beca dropped her phone into her purse, grabbed Jesse's hand and walked out. "Kimmy… I'm going out to lunch. I should be back in…" Beca hesitated as she glanced at her watch. "...about an hour or so. Hold all my calls unless it's an emergency."

"Sure thing Beca, enjoy your lunch." Kimmy Jin answered, fixing her gaze onto Beca. Jesse was impressed that Beca didn't even flinch.

"Thanks." Beca started to turn around but remembered something else she needed Kimmy to do. "And Kimmy, can you confirm my 3:30 conference call this afternoon?"

"Will do." Kimmy Jin said, acknowledging what Beca said without blinking.

"And… please be sure to check me in for my flight and print out my boarding pass." Beca asked as she began ticking things off her mental checklist. "If they ask, I'll have my purse, laptop bag and one checked bag."

"You got it." Kimmy Jin said as she mock saluted.

Jesse couldn't help but notice that once Beca entered the room, it suddenly it felt a lot less threatening and the girls, dare he say it, were _almost_ friendly. He wasn't sure if it was because of Beca's 'take charge' attitude, if they had some unspoken agreement between them or if they just didn't like dealing with guests. He silently wondered what that was about and decided to ask Beca about it later.

"I also need you to make sure to have a car here to meet me at 9:45pm sharp to take me to LAX tonight."

"I'm on it boss." Kimmy told her, suddenly smiling broadly, showing perfectly straight white teeth. "Anything else?"

Beca thought for a minute. "Yes… while I'm out, please keep Lilly from throwing knives at the walls, the maintenance guys have complained about the amount of time they have to spend in this office repairing the walls and there is to be absolutely no more hanging in the corner of my office like a bat during her break. She's really starting to freak people out."

"You can't be serious right now?" Kimmy questioned, her smile fading quickly. "Why do _I_ have to be the babysitter?"

"I most certainly am serious." Beca said very assertively. "Sawyer says if he finds another knife hole in the wall, she's gone and while I know you don't like her, we do need her so _please_ , play nice. By the way, where _is_ Lilly?"

"She said something about looking for teeth in the public restroom."

"Oh God." Beca's face fell sharply. "Ok, look if she's not back in five minutes, call Security. And for goodness sake, don't let anyone-"

"-Beca…" Kimmy started as she stood up.

"Yes…"

"Go to lunch." she said and pointed toward the elevators.

Beca smiled. "I'm on it."

 **o~O~o**

They enjoyed the slow walk to the restaurant; soaking in the sunshine and each other's company as they did. Beca filled Jesse in on the weirdness between Kimmy Jin and Lilly and why they were so icy toward each other. Jesse nearly tripped up the curb as Beca explained how their great grandfathers were from rival gangs and even though both girls had been born and raised in the US, they felt it their duty to keep up with tradition. Jesse asked why she kept them both employed and Beca simply replied that it kept her amused most days.

They discussed Beca's trip, the video shoot and how much they were going to miss each other over the following week. Beca again, took the opportunity to invite Jesse to join her in Hawaii, even if it was only for a couple of days. She had plenty frequent flier miles so she could get him a flight relatively easily all he had to do was say ok. He promised to think about it and let her know but he was keen to stay to work out a new set list with Casey.

They were pleased to see that the lunch crowds had already thinned out by the time they got to the restaurant and they were seated immediately in the far back corner booth. Taking in the ambience, they ordered a couple of drinks while they read through the menu.

Jesse loved watching Beca order food. He'd never met anyone so tiny eat so much and her enthusiasm matched her appetite. As the server joined them at the table, placing a bottle of beer in front of Jesse and a Moscow Mule in front of Beca. She quickly asked if she could add extras to one of the menu choices. The server looked up in surprise at her request but assured her that if she wanted grilled shrimp with her 12oz steak and baked potato, she could easily add that as an additional item.

After placing their order, Jesse immediately wrapped his arm around Beca, pulling her close to him as he began to compliment her on her choice of outfit. He kissed her neck and told her how much he loved the khaki pencil skirt that hit right above her knee and had a high slit up the front. She had paired it with a long sleeved sapphire button up, a thin leopard print belt and matching pointy toed heels. Glancing down her blouse when she reached for her glass, he could see the lacy leopard bra he loved so much.

"I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with you flying to Hawaii in this outfit." He whispered in her ear as he ran his finger along the inside of the neckline, making sure to graze her skin as he did.

She grinned and crunched on an ice cube. "Well, too bad because I'm not changing."

"Well… I could do things to you so that you'll have to change." He said as his fingers began to wander up over her knee and under the hemline of her skirt.

Beca laughed. "You act like we didn't have sex twice... just this morning."

"Don't you know by now that I'll never get enough of you?" Jesse quietly growled as he leaned over to kiss her neck.

"If you wanted to have sex…" she said angling her head to give him better access to her neck. "... you should have asked me to meet you at home for lunch."

When their waitress came back to the table with their salad plates and their second round of drinks, Beca pushed Jesse off. They were in public after all and she really didn't need to go back to work all hot and bothered.

"My thought was that we'd christen your office before you left me for a week but now having seen that you only have one wall that's not glass, that's not really an option… unless you're into voyeurism."

"Gross. Not happening."

"Oh come on… we need to do something to melt the polar ice caps in that place." He said with a shitty grin plastered across his face.

"If we do that, then I'll need to call Noah to come by with the Ark to take my soaking wet ass home."

Jesse smirked. "Mmm… now there's a sight I'd love to see."

"Eat your lunch." Beca told him as she smacked his leg. "Besides, if Lilly were to witness that kind of action, she would never stop combing her bangs."

 **o~O~o**

More than an hour later, Jesse walked Beca back to work. Because she was with him, he didn't have to go through all the security checkpoints again; they got flagged through on her employee ID badge alone. She scanned her employee badge inside the elevator and they were on their way to the 42nd floor within seconds.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, Jesse took the opportunity to corner Beca. His mouth was on hers and his hands wandered her body, as each quiet, delicate ping signaled they were running out of time. She watched him as he got down on his knees, ran his hands up her legs and without any warning, yanked her panties down, shoving them in the front pocket of his jeans as he stood up.

Beca threw her head back. He hadn't even touched her yet and she was already coming apart at the seams. "Jess… mmm… security." She managed to get out, as he attacked her mouth with this tongue.

"What about them?" He asked between kisses. His hands were making their way to the buttons on her shirt.

"There's cameras in here." Beca said turning her head to give Jesse better access to her neck and doing nothing to stop him.

"Then they're about to get one hell of a show!" He said unbuckling his belt and undoing his pants, dropping them around his ankles. She grunted as he picked her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. She wildy pulled her skirt up as he thrust into her, causing her to let a guttural moan escape involuntarily.

They quickly fell into a rhythm with Beca hanging on for dear life while trying not to give the security guards too much of a show at the same time. "We need… ahh… to… hurry." she told him.

"Let me know when we get to the 38th floor." he told her, as he bit down on her shoulder causing a flush of heat to race to her core.

Jesse's thrusts were coming faster and faster, harder and harder. So hard in fact, that Beca felt like there was going to be a permanent dent in the elevator wall when she finally peeled herself off of it. It wasn't long before their afternoon activities rivaled the the sounds of wild animals mating.

The two were a jumble of limbs and out of breath when Jesse finally hit the spot that sent Beca over the edge. Her head fell backwards as she silently screamed while her core squeezed around him as he struggled to continuing pushing inside her. A few seconds after she went limp around him, he exploded inside her, warming up her insides as his head fell forward, nestling between her breasts.

"Sweet Jesus." Beca breathed out.

"Is there time to do that again?" Jesse puffed out, looking at the floor indicator. "Shit, we're on the 39th floor!"

"Dude, give me back my panties!"

"Who's that?" Jesse asked as loud laughter could be heard from outside the elevator.

"Oh fuck." Beca said, wrestling her skirt down. "It's Amy. I forgot she was coming to get concert tickets for Bumper this afternoon. Forget my panties but dude, your fly is still undone."

"Amy works here?"

"Yeah, she works in the design department."

Beca and Jesse were still straightening their clothes when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. There was just enough time to wipe the smirks off their faces. Beca mentally braced herself for what was about to happen.

"Whoa flatbutt's man candy!" Amy said, making a huge show of pretending to cover her eyes but looking between the lines. "This is a place of business… not a brothel in the red light district. I take that back. A brothel is a business, of sorts, but well… that's not the point now is it." Amy took a step forward towards the elevator as Beca tried to smooth down her hair. "Either someone has been crop dusting in here or you two have been..." Amy sniffed long and hard before laughing loudly. "... guess you're gonna tell me that's just mayo on your skirt, huh shawshank?"

Ignoring Amy completely, Beca pushed Jesse out of the elevator, ushering him down the corridor towards her office. The blonde followed cackling like an old witch as she continued talking. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. It's locked away in a safe place and the key is up my bum!"

"And you call her a friend?" Jesse hissed out of the corner of his mouth.

"Define ' _friend'_." Beca said, rolling her eyes. "She kind of grows on you after a while though."

"Yeah, like herpes!" Amy called from behind. "Hey Mini John Wayne…"

"Who's she talking to?" Jesse whispered to Beca.

"... you got yourself a little hitch in your get along."

"What is she talking about?" Jesse asked.

"Just keeping walking. She won't follow us into my office. She's afraid of Kimmy Jin. Now you know the _real_ reason I keep Kimmy on my staff."

"So Kimmy is your pet ninja?" Jesse asked. "What's that make Lilly?"

"A weirdo." Beca told him. "Come on… walk faster, she's catching up."

"You got a copy room or a janitor's closet on this floor? Anything with a lock on it?" Jesse asked.

"Yeah, why?" Beca looked at him puzzled.

"I'm not quite ready to let you go yet." Jesse said with a wink.

"I've got fifteen minutes before my meeting."

"That's enough time to go twice then!"

Beca winked. "And if you behave while I'm in my meeting, I'll let you take me on Kimmy's desk after she leaves for the day."

"No sex on the desk Beca, you've been burned before!" Amy yelled, as she watched them disappear into the copy room. "That's right Sticky Thighs... you go copy that junk, it's gonna be a _long_ week without it! And don't forget to clean up the jizz that's running down your leg!" Amy yelled as she turned to walk away. "Oh shit... Kimmy Jin! Deuces bitches!"


	7. Chapter 7: Snort and Scatter

**A/N: I promised a Saturday update but I'm really excited about this story so you're getting it early. I also promised y'all a roller coaster & I hope that I'm delivering. Buckle up folks... it's gonna be one hell of a ride!**

* * *

 **o~O~o**

 **Chapter 7**

 **o~O~o**

"I love you Jess." Beca sighed into the phone as she waited in line to board the plane. She was trying to stand still and even though she didn't have "jizz" running down her leg like Amy had previously broadcast, her thighs were, in fact, sticking together and she was starting to get a little uncomfortable. She was pretty sure that the lady that had been sitting next to her in the terminal could smell the sex on her judging by her wrinkled, upturned nose and the stank eye she got as the lady switched seats. She was beginning to think that she really did reek of sex and should have changed clothes but she didn't because she wasn't going to allow Jesse to dictate what she could and couldn't wear in public.

"Call me when you land, ok?" Jesse said as he stood in the kitchen clutching a bottle of beer tightly in one hand. "And don't worry about a thing. I've got it all under control here."

"Ok! I gotta go. I'll see you in a week."

"Bye babe, have a safe trip!"

Beca hadn't even left for Oahu yet when Jesse had begun to act like a teenager whose parents went away for a weekend. He left her office around 7pm after having given her many proper send offs throughout the day; including christening Kimmy Jin's desk as he had been promised. It amused him greatly to see Beca flicking pieces of broken bonsai tree off her legs as they got dressed. He was actually surprised that she was able to walk, however, he did see her wince a bit as she sat down in her desk chair.

While Beca was on a conference call, he texted everyone he knew and organized a huge party. Taking the credit card that Beca had left with him for emergencies, he stopped off at the liquor store and picked up a bunch of booze as well as a two kegs of beer which were going to be delivered by 9pm. His next stop was the grocery store; he filled two carts with snacks and goodies before putting everything in the trunk of Beca's car. He called Casey with a special request and told him he would pick him up in an hour.

By 10pm, the party was in full swing with over a hundred people trampling all over Beca's house and back yard. Jesse was in his element; he was being complimented on the house, the grounds and the provided refreshments and he felt like King of the Jungle. He didn't care where people went and what people did just as long as they all had a good time. He'd passed the word around to friends to ' _bring whoever and whatever you want'_ and as more and more people turned up, the music got louder and louder and the sounds of the good time continued to echo around the hills until very late into the night, Jesse knew the party was a success.

What he _didn't_ know was that Beca's neighbors had tried calling her about what was going on at her house as it was very unexpected of her. When she didn't answer, they called her parents about the noise. William and Anne were less than pleased to be called in the middle of the night about the party, but they got dressed and made the fifteen minute drive to check on the situation, grumbling about what Beca was up to and how she had changed since meeting Jesse. It was only when they arrived at the house, that Anne remembered that Beca had taken the late flight out to Oahu instead of the one on Monday morning as expected.

The party was excessively loud for a Friday night, or any other night for that matter, and as they turned into the cul-de-sac they could see straight away that every light in the house was on, there were cars parked haphazardly everywhere and there were things that would frighten fish going on in the pool and hot tub, if the animalistic shrieks coming from the back yard were anything to go by. A couple of the neighbors were talking at the end of one of the driveways and Will pulled his car onto the curb and rolled down his window.

"Sorry to call you so late." Matt said, shaking Will's hand. "It's just very unlike Beca to -"

"-She's not home right now." Anne said.

"Who is in her house then?" Chris asked, looking towards the house.

"That'll be her _boyfriend_." Anne spat out as the sound of breaking glass and a loud cheer rang out across the valley. A dog barked its response from somewhere in the distance.

"I think it's time to call the cops." William said sternly and looked at Anne who nodded in agreement. "This has gone on long enough. Anne, do you have your phone handy?"

"Pull up in the driveway and come in for a bit. You can make the call from in here." Matt offered.

"Thank you." Anne said, setting her mouth in a very thin line as William maneuvered the car through the gate. They both exited the vehicle and walked quickly into Matt's house, accepting his offer of a cup of coffee. Instead of trying to break up the party themselves, as was originally planned when they got Matt's call, William made an anonymous call to the police and to the security shack at the entrance to the community about the party then sat back to watch the fall out.

Seven minutes later, Jesse heard the doorbell ringing constantly over the music and noise in the house. He turned the volume down and made his way to the door, snatching up a handful of snacks and smirking at the partying crowd along the way. The color drained from his face when he looked out the peephole.

Casey, walking toward the door with a scantily clad mystery blonde in tow, saw the look on his face and asked, "Dude, you ok? Who is it?"

"5-0 is here." Jesse whisper yelled as the doorbell rang again. "Do what you can to get rid of the smell while I try to get rid of them."

Casey headed back to the family room and told everyone that 5-0 was on the scene. Everyone started scrambling to get rid of the drugs and call girls and overabundance of alcohol while Casey furiously sprayed air freshener to cover the smell, opening windows as he ran through the rooms. People sensing the need to leave began to run out into the back yard and attempted to leave over the fences.

Jesse took a second to act normal before he opened the door. He smoothed down his hair, wiping the sweat from his forehead off on his sleeve and tucked in his shirt before checking his appearance in the mirror near the door. The doorbell rang again before he opened the door but when he did he plastered a shocked look on his face. There were four very large, very angry looking Los Angeles police officers staring back at him, one of them waiting with his hand on the weapon in his holster.

Deputy Collins took in Jesse's appearance and said, "We received a noise complaint about this house."

"Sorry Officer. We were just having a good time." Jesse said as the sweat collected on his brow again. He trained his eyes to remain focused as he fought the desperate urge to laugh; the remnants of the last hit of marijuana making it's unwanted appearance. "We'll wrap it up."

"What's your name son?"

"Jesse Swanson." He told the officers honestly. Inwardly he was now panicking. He had a rap sheet a mile long and was well known by LAPD.

"Well… Mr. Swanson, you should also know that we were advised that the owner isn't here and had no knowledge of a party."

"Ummm…"

"If you don't mind, we'd like to come in."

"Is that really necessary?"

"Yes sir, it is." Officer Collins said pushing his way past Jesse. He took a second to survey the area before calling out to everyone inside. "Alright folks, the party's over!" There were a few collective sighs and a handful of snacks were lobbed at the officers as they made their way into the house and a few people tried to walk toward the front door.

"Not so fast! Everyone have a seat. I want so see everyone's ID's starting with you." Officer Davis said pointing at Jesse. He turned to Officer Zimmerman and nodded at him to check the perimeter outside as he had caught sight of a couple of young questionables trying to jump the fence.

Jesse knew he was screwed at that point. He hadn't had his address changed on his license yet, so he couldn't prove that he lived in the house. Beca had been bank rolling him since the day they had gotten together so he didn't even have any bills in his name that were being sent to Beca's address. He explained that he was dating the owner of the house and that she was out of town on business but when the cop told him to get Beca on the phone, she didn't answer. He tried to explain she was travelling or was asleep but the cop was losing patience. In desperation Jesse tried to call William and Anne's phones but neither of them answered either.

The police thoroughly searched the house and everyone in it because they all smelled of weed. They didn't even raise an eyebrow when one of Jesse's friends thought the whole thing was a prank and that the four cops were strippers. She was handcuffed first which did nothing to quell her idea and shrieked in excitement as she was placed into the back of the first cop car. They confiscated all of the drugs and drug paraphernalia, then placed everyone under arrest, before calling for backup to transport everyone down to the station for processing. They were all being charged with trespassing as well as possession of illegal substances.

As Jesse sat in the back of Officer Collins' cop car on the way to the county jail, he wondered who the neighborhood nark was. There were only 6 houses on the cul de sac and all of them sat on at least half an acre of land and Beca's house sat on at least two acres not counting the trees surrounding the property, so the houses were pretty far apart. That being the case, he honestly didn't think that a little bit of music and noise from their party would disturb any of the families, but then again maybe the music had been a _little_ too loud but after years of playing in a band and attending gigs, his hearing wasn't quite what it used to be. Beca seemed to have a good relationship with all the neighbors. Everyone was very friendly, so who in the world would rat him out?

William and Anne watched with great delight as Jesse and his buddies were hauled off in cuffs. All in all, ten cops had been present and it had taken them over an hour to clear everyone out and to check the house for anyone hiding. When everyone had gone, they waited another thirty minutes to make sure no more party stragglers were suddenly going to appear out of nowhere before they went over to check on the house themselves. They immediately noticed the heavy smell of weed, vomit and booze. The house absolutely reeked and Anne almost gagged as she made a mental note to call Silvana, their longtime housekeeper, in the morning and have her clean the house top to bottom. Anne knew Silvana would be discrete and probably be able to find somebody to help her with the work. It was definitely a two or even three person job but she and anyone that helped her would be paid handsomely. They also decided to call LAPD in the morning for a full rundown of what took place in _their_ home the night before.

The next morning, after a fretful night, William was finally able to touch base with Beca. He spent a few minutes explaining the events from the night before while maintaining his composure as he told her the truth, when deep down all he wanted to do was vent his frustrations over her boyfriend. Beca listened quietly but the more her dad told her the more furious she became and by the end of the phone call she was blind with rage. She had trusted Jesse with the care of her house, the home she decided to share with him against the better judgement of her friends and family and he invited a huge amount people over for a bong and booze fest the very first time she had left him alone. Sure, he had asked her if he ' _could have a couple of buddies over one night for a beer_ ' and she had encouraged him to do that, wanting him to feel at home. It wasn't exactly what she expected to be taking place in her home when he said he was inviting a few people over. He mentioned inviting his band members over for _'a jam session'_ in her home studio, which she was ok with but apparently more than his brother and six band mates showed up.

For the next several days Beca stewed about what was going on back at home, but she had a job to do and by God, she was going to get it done. If she didn't, Sawyer would be breathing down her neck about wasted time and money. That was the absolute last thing she needed. She put on her big girl panties on and blocked out the events that were going on back home, confident in her belief that her parents would sort this out for her. She was, however, dreading the ' _I told you so's'_ that she would inevitably receive on her return.

She avoided her phone like the plague, only speaking to her parents, refusing to answer Jesse's calls and texts. He had left a desperate voicemail begging her to send bail money to the Los Angeles County Jail, which she ignored. As far as she was concerned, he could rot in that jail cell and somebody else could bail him out. She was done with helping him out. What pissed her off most of all was that her parents were right, though she did appreciate the fact that they hadn't chosen to throw it in her face just yet. They knew he was bad news and yet she was so blinded by him that she didn't see it.

The night before leaving Oahu, Beca finally gave in to Jesse's calls and texts and answered the phone as she was packing her bags. The view from her hotel room was stunning and she wished she could have shared it with him. The thought made her feel sick as she thumbed the screen.

He managed to skirt around the issue at hand for a while, only telling her that he and the band managed to record a single and that he hoped she would listen to it upon her return. Annoyed by his obvious lack of apology, she hung up on him and settled down on her bed for a quick nap before dinner. After snoozing for an hour, she woke and saw her phone flashing with two dozen missed calls. As she held it in her hand, it rang again and she cleared the call, placing the phone upside down on her nightstand. Sliding off the end of the bed, she headed to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready to meet up with some of the crew to go out for a last dinner before heading home.

The steam shower seemed to do her some good and lift her spirits a little. Wrapped up in a big fluffy towel, she perched on the edge of her bed and listened as her phone beeped with a new call coming through. She sighed and picked up her phone.

"It's me. Please don't hang up. I'm sorry, _really_ sorry. I fucked up. Becs? You there? I'm sorry." Jesse breathed out all in one go. Beca rolled her eyes at him. She was so torn. One half of her was desperate to see him again, to have him hold her, make love to her, make her forget that her house had been wrecked. The other half of her wanted to turn him over to Luke, Aubrey and Amy and let them have at him. She sighed a couple of times as Jesse continued to apologize. She promised to listen but also told him that they needed to talk when she got back. He agreed and told her he would meet her at the airport.

Jesse was so relieved that he'd finally gotten to speak with her. He made up his mind to finish the yard work and throw out the trash so that everything looked as good as possible when she got home. He'd made a list of things that had been broken and knew he would need to promise to replace the few glasses and a photo frame that had been smashed. He knew that Beca would find fault with a few things; he couldn't quite remember where everything lived but he hoped she would see that he had done his best. He made a list of things he needed to do, decided he was going to try to cook something nice for when she returned home. He wanted to pick up some flowers or something to say sorry although he knew blooms weren't going to hide the huge gash in the hardwood floor in the hallway.

He was just on the way to the store when his brother called.

 **o~O~o**

The next afternoon Beca returned from her trip and she was instantly pissed. She didn't ask much from people; she was pretty self sufficient but she'd loaned Jesse her car for the week and he promised to pick her up from the airport, even taking the flight number down and confirming it with her on text, and yet, he wasn't there to meet her.

She looked all over the terminal for him before calling. She figured, as he didn't travel much, he might have been unsure where to meet her. After half an hour, she tried to call him again before she settled herself in Starbucks with a frappuccino in case he was driving and couldn't take the call. Another thirty minutes passed and she was beyond annoyed. He'd clearly forgotten. She couldn't get in touch with Jesse to pick her up from the airport and she damn sure wasn't going to call her parents, Luke, Aubrey or Amy; they would only make matters worse. So she called Uber and was on her way pretty quickly as they already had a driver already at the airport.

On the short drive home, she berated herself for getting mad and reasoned that there could be a justified reason why he hadn't come. Arriving home, she hadn't realized she had been holding her breath in preparation of what might have happened to the house; seeing it undamaged on the outside was such a huge relief. She rolled her eyes at seeing her car in the driveway, partly because it was there and partly because of the way he had parked it, and the large pile of trash bags next to the garbage cans but reasoned if that was the worst thing that had happened, all was well. She thanked the driver, tipped him well and collected her luggage before walking up to the front door.

When she walked in the sights and smells that greeted her were most unwelcomed. Dropping her purse and phone to the floor in shock, she took in the piles of pizza boxes everywhere, the dropped clothes and the black marks up the walls. She stood open mouthed as she noticed the broken picture frames and wanted to cry when she saw her Tiffany Lamp, her 21st birthday present from Luke, was smashed and kicked into the corner. Her sadness turned to anger as she took in the mess and she hadn't even made it out of the foyer yet.

She carefully stepped of over one of the many sleeping bodies in the living room and walked through her home. The house was trashed and strongly smelled of booze and weed. There were people she didn't know sprawled out all over the floor, curled up on furniture and in corners. She walked into the kitchen to find the fridge door wide open and the toilet in the downstairs bathroom was blocked with something unhuman. With a burning hatred she went in search of her boyfriend but Jesse was nowhere to be found. She quietly made her way to her bedroom to find him fast asleep, buried down deep into the blankets, and luckily for his sake and his junk, he was alone.

"JESSE!" She screamed directly in his ear making him jump at least two feet off the bed.

Clapping his hands over his ears, he moaned. "What the fuck Bec?" And blinked blindly at the bright late afternoon sun.

If looks could kill, then the daggers she shot straight out of her eyes would have penetrated his head and he would have been bleeding profusely. "' _What the fuck'_ is right? You fucking asshole!"

"Please don't yell." Jesse begged as he grabbed his head, rubbing at his temples. He sniffed a few times, and rubbed his hand under his nose. "I have the worst headache."

"Do I look like I give a good damn?"

Jesse sat up squinting. "No, not really."

"Good, I'm glad we can agree on that." She said yanking the sheets and blankets off of him.

"You're home early?" Jesse questioned.

"Nope, right on time." Beca said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"But it's Friday." Jesse laughed, wiping his nose again.

"No, you fucking asshole, it's Saturday. You spoke to me last night and said you'd pick me up from the airport."

"Wait, what?" Jesse said, sniffing long and hard.

"Exactly. Dude, what's with the sniffing?"

"Nothing." Jesse said, fiddling with his top lip.

"Why is there white stuff all over your face?"

"What white stuff?"

"Oh my God! Are you high?"

"No."

"Jesse?! Are you doing drugs?"

"It's just a bit of cocaine." Jesse confessed and sniffed once more for good measure.

"Get your shit and get the fuck out of my house!"

"Babe, you can't be serious right now." Jesse smirked as he rolled over onto his back, displaying his hardened junk for her to see. Seeing her angry was a massive turn on for him.

"Oh, I most certainly am serious! And do _not_ call me _babe_!" Beca said in a voice that smelled of danger as she began throwing his things at him. "Get the fuck out! And be sure to take all those pieces of shit sprawled all over my living room with you on your way out!"

"Come on Bec." Jesse said, finally realizing that she was serious. He ducked as a shoe flew over his head.

"I said get out and I meant it! My home is not a flop house for you and your junkies. I'm not running a crack house."

"Fine!" Jesse said, leaping off the bed and pulling on a pair of jeans. He hoped by not backing down that she would relent. "But don't expect me to come crawling back!"

"Do _not_ go there with me you son of a bitch! I have done _everything_ for you and _this_ is what I get in return?!" Beca yelled. "I want you _out_. I want Casey _out_ and I want the rest of those freeloading fuckers _out_ of my house… _NOW!_ "

Wincing slightly at her shrillness, Jesse got his keys and cell phone off the nightstand and picked up his shirt and shoes before making his way downstairs. Twenty minutes later, when Beca heard the front door slam shut, she finally allowed herself to cry. She cried because she loved and trusted Jesse and he threw it back in her face. She cried because she kicked him out. She cried because he actually left with very little fight and she cried because as much as she hated to admit it, her parents had been right about him.

Beca walked over to her bed and curled up in fetal position but everything smelled of Jesse. She got up angrily, then stripped the bed and brought everything through the workout room and into the laundry room. She needed all of the reminders of him gone and quickly.

Using scalding hot water, more laundry detergent than necessary, half a bottle of Downy and enough bleach to kill the common cold and AIDS she threw the sheets in the washing machine and slammed the door shut. She walked through the house, noting mess and broken things in all of the rooms. While she knew it was just 'stuff', it still hurt that Jesse had had such little regard for her home and her things.

Unable to manage the job of cleaning everything up by herself, she tearfully called Silvana, her parents housekeeper and asked that she come as soon as she could to clean the house. Silvana was a bit confused since she had just been there cleaning a few days before. She thought she's done something wrong and that Beca was upset with her. Beca explained that Jesse had another party and that she needed help cleaning up after it. Silvana explained that she had a full schedule because Beca's parents were throwing a dinner party that evening. Beca immediately pleaded with Silvana to help her, even offering to pay her double if she could come that day, an offer that she couldn't pass up. In the end, her parents would understand and Beca sent them a text to explain.

Since things were settled and Silvana was on the way, Beca took all of Jesse's things out of the closet and boxed them up. He didn't have much so it only took her half an hour to collect everything that was his from the entire house. Since she bought everything that Jesse owned, she decided that she'd give the clothes and shoes to Silvana for her sons as a little added bonus for coming to help.

When Silvana walked in, half an hour after she received the call, she looked around, gasping audibly as she took in the wreckage that was once Beca's very tidy, very spotless house. She saw Beca sitting on the stairs, watching her face as she took in the mess. There was take out cartons, liquor bottles, syringes and other drug paraphernalia everywhere, not to mention piles of clothes that were soaked in pee and vomit. Every available flat surface that could be used for cutting lines was covered in white powder. Silvana held her arms out to Beca who stood on shaking legs and hurried down the stairs. Silvana patted her back a few times as Beca cried at the state of her house. She didn't tell her mother's housekeeper that the real reason for the tears had walked out an hour before. Beca took Silvana through the rest of the house and spotted Jesse's wallet tucked down into the side of the couch cushions. Pulling it out, she curled her lip as she saw the packet of white powder tucked inside the flap. Beca was beyond disgusted. She knew that Jesse occasionally smoked pot but she had no idea that he was snorting or injecting cocaine.

The downstairs bathroom bore the brunt of the damage from the night before. It was covered in vomit and needed to sprayed down with a firehose. Silvanna patted Beca's arm and told her to go out for a few hours and she would see what she could to fix the mess. It was worse than what she had had to clean earlier that week. Beca offered to stay and help. Not that she didn't trust Silvanna, but she needed this kept quiet. Anne had taken a vow to protect and uphold the law and Beca worried that if this got leaked to the press, it could ruin her mom's career. Beca was raised to protect the ones she loved and now was the time to prove that love and devotion to her family. Silvana kissed Beca on the cheek and reassured her that she had her family's best interests at heart.

Instead of calling the police to report Jesse and his friends and having them rearrested in the same week and to potentially save this mess from getting out to the public, Beca did the only thing she knew how to.

She called Luke and asked him to pick her up.

* * *

 **Special THANK YOU to my beta Corinne. You have dedicated just as many hours to this fic as I have. Thank you for catching my errors and most of all believing in me and my abilities even when I don't. Thank you just doesn't seem to be enough. #MeatAndTaters ;)**


	8. Chapter 8: Choices and Chivalry

A/N: Well, here it is... my mid-week update. It's a little late in the day but I still made it! Hope y'all enjoy it.

Corinne, This chapter would never have come together or been ready to post without you. You've got to be so sick of me asking for 'just one more once over before posting'. Thank you for always believing in me and holding my feet to the fire so that I make the crazy deadlines I set for myself. Your constant love, support and dedication mean the world to me. Thank you for always being you. xx

* * *

 **o~O~o**

 **Chapter 8**

 **o~O~o**

" _Yes she's my best friend and yes, sometimes we have problems, sometimes we fight. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry. I know everything about her, and she knows everything about me. And even though we have defects, we love each other and we always will_ _."_

 **o~O~o**

Luke Donovan was born and raised in a leafy suburb on the outskirts of the city of London, England until he was almost eight years old. Wandsworth was a pleasant area to live and still prided itself on its community spirit and culture despite it's close proximity to the city. Luke loved his school; the small and independently run Lockwood Manor. Luke worked hard in school and achieved decent grades although it was clear from the get go, he was not a scholar. His passion lay in sports and music and the school supported his desires as he did maintain a passable GPA in the classroom. Luke was studious and paid attention to the smaller details in life, noticing things like a small dent in his parent's car or how a neighbor's mail had started to build up which prompted a visit from his Dad to check on old Mr. Foster.

He played on the school football team and ran track for a local youth club. He was always begging his Mum and Dad to let him learn the piano, so for his sixth birthday, they bought him a second hand, worn and slightly battered upright piano. It had a basic set of 88 keys, a sluggish damper pedal and a small dent in the lid but Luke loved it and true to his word, he practiced for two hours every night. Within a month, he had passed his first exam and he lovingly propped up his certificate on top of the piano for all to see.

For Christmas that year, he got a small set of drums which his mother put in the attic so he could practice without disturbing everyone else in the house. The smile he wore on his face for the remainder of Christmas that year was magical and he was truly happy and content.

Spencer and Claire Donovan had prided themselves on raising their boys right. Luke was the eldest of their two boys and took his responsibilities as older brother quite seriously. Jake, who was two years younger, was always in Luke's field of vision. When they went to the park, Luke tried hard to keep Jake from getting into fights and avoid messing up his pretty boy face.

They were trusted to walk to the corner shop with their pocket money every Saturday and were allowed to each buy a new comic book and a bag of sweets. Luke carefully saved his candy and made it last the entire week whereas Jake had finished his by the time they arrived back home. Luke carefully saved every spare penny he had, hiding the jar in the far back corner of his closet. He was forever counting his fortune which amounted to no more than a few pounds but to him, it was everything.

Luke was quite sensible and took pride in not only the way he looked but in the way he presented himself. He always dressed neatly in jeans with a belt, a clean polo or button up shirt, which was always tucked in and polished shoes. He cleaned his football cleats after every game and took pride in his school uniform. Jake, on the other hand, couldn't care less what he looked like and usually just wore his favourite worn hoodie everywhere, if he wasn't wearing it properly, you could be guaranteed that he was either wearing it as a cape or tied around his waist. It served as padding for his many falls as he practiced his skills on his BMX bike or when he tried, and failed, to teach his American friends the fine art of English football.

When the boys were 8 and 6, Spencer accepted a new position with an American law firm based in Los Angeles and within six weeks, the family had moved to California. The boys were excited by the thought of a new adventure but cried when they had to leave both sets of Grandparents behind. Luke made his Grandad promise that he take care of his piano and his Grandma promised to send them comics and English sweets a few times a month.

Sitting on the plane, young Luke made a decision that he was going to keep his nose clean, stay out of trouble and keep to himself. He wasn't old enough to have formed a lifelong friendship with anyone but he knew he would miss his old school friends. He decided he would work hard in school and do all the chores so he could to save up for a new piano and drum kit. He didn't need any friends or so he thought. That plan worked well for the first five hours of him being on American soil. Hours after arriving, his mother took him and Jake to the local park and that's when he met Beca Mitchell.

Looking back on his younger years, Luke would readily admit, he actually loved Beca from the moment he first saw her, swinging her little legs on the bench in the park. It was never a childish crush or unfounded infatuation, he just knew they would be friends forever. And Beca had said the same thing; telling him that he was her best friend on the third day they knew each other. Within weeks of the two meeting, they were inseparable; never spending more than a few hours apart. From the very start, they were fiercely protective of one another and would pine, feel lost and out of sorts until they were reunited again.

Their families became extremely close because of their little friendship. Anne introduced Claire to all of her friends and would regularly suggest shopping trips to the mall on Saturdays or offer a glass of wine in the den when either of them had had a bad day or simply 'just because'. William asked Spencer to join his golf game and the men's club at the kids school. William also introduced Spencer to American football, tailgating and racketball.

There wasn't a birthday, Thanksgiving or Christmas that the families didn't share with each other at some point. The Mitchell's got used to Luke turning up just before dinner on Thanksgiving; an American tradition that his English family never got into. He had an open invitation to join them as William and Anne enjoyed watching the two youngsters wrestle over the turkey's wishbone.

In turn, Luke always expected Beca to be at his house when his mother painfully went through putting on a huge show for St George's Day; even extending invites to most of the neighbors for tea and crumpets to celebrate their English heritage. Luke found the whole thing quite embarrassing so he would steal a few sweet treats and escape to his tree house which is where Beca always found him. She climbed up the tree as well as any boy, her sleeping bag in a backpack and her pillow jammed in her hoodie. She gave the special knock on the old pallet that served as a door and Luke would take her things and stow them away quickly so they could play.

Their adventures had them sailing the seven seas as pirates, they were intrepid explorers and, as soon as Beca found out Luke liked to run track, they became Olympic gold medalists; running a special course between their two houses and the woods behind them. Luke knew he liked Beca because every now and then he would let her beat him. Jake teased them relentlessly, making silly kissing noises whenever they walked past. He would shout out of his bedroom window that Beca and Luke were boyfriend and girlfriend right before he started singing ' _Beca and Luke sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G'._ Beca and Luke never gave Jake the time of day and eventually he found some new friends and left them alone.

As the years passed and the need to sleep on logs and under the night sky to look for shooting stars faded away, Luke would regularly stay over at Beca's house. He found himself sleeping on a pile of blankets and pillows on her bedroom floor. Beca would often take his picture as he fell asleep clutching a small stuffed dog named Pip that only Beca knew that he took to bed.

Most mornings after he stayed the night, Luke woke to find Beca curled up around his body on the floor, despite her excessively cosy bed just feet away. He never wanted to wake her and while he always had the urge to kiss her cherry red lips or even touch one of her breasts, he never acted on it. He knew doing that would ruin what they had. In turn, Beca would sigh when Luke changed his shirt in front of her, the definition of his chest developing as they aged through their teenage years. She awoke one morning when she was fourteen desperate to know what he looked like naked. That was the first time there had been an awkwardness about them.

As they entered their teenage years, Beca struggled with monthly cramps and Luke was always there with cupcakes and music to help take her mind off of how she was feeling. She'd lay in his lap as they played video games and he'd sit with his arm around her at cinema. He felt lost without her and she missed him terribly when he'd go England for a month every summer to visit family.

They had found a soul mate in each other.

They'd been best friends for as long as they could remember, and while they'd come close a couple of times, neither of them took their relationship past the friend zone. At Ben Tucker's 16th birthday party, a keg of beer had gone down quicker than a whore's drawers and they somehow ended up in a corner with Luke's hand traveling under Beca's shirt and heading towards her right breast. They laughed it off the next morning with a snarky comments and nervous giggles.

Another time, they'd gone to a party and had ended up watching a porno that had been left in the DVD player. Beca didn't really know what to make of the look on Luke's face that night. She had to snap her fingers in front of his face several times to stop the pained expression. He had looked longingly at her as she told him not to get any funny ideas. A couple of hours later, as Luke stripped down to his underwear to get ready for bed, Beca had seen a definitive outline in his shorts that made her wonder what it would be like if they slept together. By the next day, everything was back to normal as they finished off a music mash up for Jake's birthday party.

Luke and Beca both casually dated a little throughout high school. Nothing ever went past a couple of dates and they both admitted to each other that first base was as far as they got. Everyone had assumed that they would become a couple, get engaged and marry right out of school. They had their first uncomfortable conversation about whether marriage and family was something either of them wanted together. They both agreed their friendship was much more important but made a pact that if they weren't married by the time they were 30, they would consider it.

Going their separate ways in the real world meant finding new friends and interests. Luke was always texting Beca with new Americanisms and Beca would get excited about being the coffee runner at her internship which they both knew that it was a joke, seeing how Beca rose through the ranks quicker than anyone in many years.

Like Beca, Luke was a Music Producer. He'd been hired at Universal Music Group after a three year internship and because he and Beca were just as competitive as they were protective, it made their careers interesting. They were in constant competition to see who could sign 'the next big thing' and when they did, no matter what time it was they had to rub it in the other's face.

" _You know how you wanted Pharrell to add vocals on the latest Jesse J single?"  
_ " _Bec… It's 1am."  
_ " _Sack up, dude. Pharrell just signed to Warner. BOOM!"  
_ " _Go away. It's late."  
_ " _You snooze, you lose Brit Boy. PS: It's early!"  
_ " _I hate you."  
_ " _Coffee at 10?"  
_ " _See you then."  
_ " _Sweet dreams my Sleeping Beauty. XO"_

Despite not seeing each other daily, Luke was always there for Beca and she was there for him. Beca called Luke when her car died on the way back from a late night talent search in Anaheim. She knew that even though it was 2:30 in the morning Luke would come get her. She didn't know exactly where she was when she called, so Luke used his 'Find My Friend' app to ping her phone and found her location. While pulling a tee shirt over his head as he talked, he told her to find somewhere safe to wait.

She texted him a few minutes later and told him that she was going to close her eyes for a few minutes and asked that he hurry up because she had to pee. When he got there she was knocked smooth out so he scooped her up carefully, placed her on the back seat of his car and drove back to her apartment. He carried her up three flights of stairs and struggled with the front door before dumping her on her bed. He heard a whispered ' _thank you_ ' before he left to call a tow truck to get Beca's car brought back to LA.

A few months later, Luke was at a training seminar in San Francisco when he lost his wallet somewhere on the boat back from a quick tourist visit to Alcatraz Island. He didn't realize it was gone until he got to the airport the next morning. Although he left the hotel in plenty of time, traffic caused him to cut it close and he reached the departures counter just in time. After noticing his wallet was lost, Luke thought he dropped it somewhere in the airport and spent over half an hour pacing back and forth. He phoned Beca to tell her what happened but before he could tell her everything his phone died.

Luke searched his luggage frantically for his phone charger. Once he was plugged in, he received several messages from Beca. She told him she was leaving work and headed to his apartment to find his English passport and that she would fax a copy of it to airport security and email a copy to the airline.

By the time he reached home, 12 hours later than planned, she had already called his boss to explain, canceled all of his credit cards, and picked up forms for him to replace his missing American passport and driver's licence. She also picked up a six pack of beer, Chinese food and some M&M's.

It was just what they did for each other.

 **o~O~o**

Luke met Ryan Harris through work. Luke's office was being refurbished and Universal had hired Ryan's firm for the job. The two clicked well and Ryan immediately recognized the soft lilt of an English accent in Luke's dialect and struck up a conversation as to where he was from. Ryan had family in the north of England and while the pronunciation was different, he noticed that Luke was using words like ' _trousers'_ , ' _bloody hell'_ and ' _wanker'_.

Luke took him out for a beer after work at the end of his first week. Ryan was a couple of years older than him but he was very interesting and easy to talk to. He found out that Ryan was taking on a few small jobs before beginning work on the large expansion at Disney World, then tackling Disneyland after that. As they sat at the bar, Luke received a text from Beca who was desperate for a drink after a gruelling day. Luke immediately asked Ryan if he minded if his best friend joined them.

Luke smiled when he saw Ryan's reaction to Beca. She was wearing a short black skirt and a bright red low cut top and Ryan couldn't take his eyes off her chest as she leaned forward to plant a noisy kiss on Luke's cheek. Snatching Luke's bottle of beer up from him, she took a healthy swig before noticing Ryan. The instant their eyes locked, Luke felt the tension shift in the room and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. He watched as Beca held out her hand to the stranger, Ryan couldn't jump out his seat fast enough to return the gesture. At 6'4", he towered over Beca but he looked down shyly at her as she introduced herself. Offering her his chair, Ryan looked confused as Beca took the seat next to Luke.

"Are you two ..." He asked, not sure how to phrase the question. Luke and Beca looked at each other before they sniggered, both explaining at the same time that they had been friends their entire lives and were more like brother and sister than anything else.

Luke, however, remained a little quiet for the rest of the evening as he watched Beca flirt with Ryan. He couldn't quite entertain the idea of dating his best friend but, at the same time, couldn't imagine her being someone else's girlfriend. They had both fooled around a little with other people at parties and he'd walked in on Beca playing tonsil hockey with Evan Johnson after high school prom. He was all but dry humping her leg when Luke bellowed that their ride was about to leave. Beca had laughed when Luke told her about the time that Kirsten Killian's dad had interrupted them thirty seconds after they rounded third base.

Luke felt something stick in his throat as he watched Beca relax in Ryan's company but he also really wanted her to be happy.

"It's not like I expect her to sit at home all night knitting or anything?" Luke complained to Aubrey that night over the phone. "I mean, we're 23 and she's not really played the field all that much."

"Well, you know Bec. She isn't one to just shack up with a random guy, is she?"

"No, no she's not. It just feels weird."

"It's bound to be. Have some faith in her. She's usually a pretty good judge of character." Aubrey reminded him. "It's about time you two spread your wings a little anyway. But Luke, you've got to know that Beca isn't going anywhere. You two are inseparable."

Luke was glad he decided to speak to Aubrey despite him feeling like a big girl about the whole thing but his protective nature towards Beca was stronger than ever. He couldn't help it. He burned his excess energy and bad mood for an extra hour at the gym the next day as he thought about Aubrey's words. He knew she was right. When he got home, he called building maintenance after finding a roof leak. ' _When it rains it pours._ ' He told himself. After showering, he was preparing dinner when Beca called.

"So... thought I'd let you know..." Beca began as soon as he said hello. "... Ryan asked for my number last night and texted me about twenty minutes ago. We're going to dinner on Friday night."

Luke swallowed hard before responding, remembering the promise he'd made to himself that he'd be happy for her. "That's great Bec!" He said, hoping he sounded sincere enough. "He seems like a nice guy."

"Yeah, he does. I'm certainly not letting my guard down right now but he seems decent. You know?"

"I do."

"I thought about him all day today." Beca admitted.

"Did you?" Luke asked, swallowing thickly.

"Yeah, dude got under my skin. Anyway, whatcha doing?" Beca asked.

"Cooking some pasta."

"Nice." Beca said and paused for just a moment too long.

"You still there?" Luke asked.

"Sure am. Listen, I want to make sure _you_ are ok with me going out with Ryan?"

"Me?"

"No, dumbass… the FBI agents listening in on our calls."

"Why wouldn't I be ok with it?" Luke said, as he stirred his pasta.

"Because it's just been you and me for so long. We rarely go an hour without speaking and I just wanted you to know that-"

"-I know. Save the speech! It's ok. One of us had to jump ship first."

"I'm not jumping ship Luke!"

"Yeah… ok."

"Don't go all British on me. What's wrong?"

"I swear all…" Luke paused as there was a knock at the door. Thinking it was maintenance supervisor, he turned down the heat on the stove. "... Bec, there's someone at the door. I'll call you back in-"

"-I'll wait."

Luke unlocked the door as he tucked the phone under his chin and pulled on the handle.

"Hi." Beca said, grinning at Luke's surprised face.

"Why are you-"

"-I've got garlic bread, homemade pasta sauce, salad and a bottle of something cold." Beca said as she handed Luke a cloth bag brimming with goodies.

"What are you doing here?" Luke said, taking the phone from his ear and ending the call.

"I'm here for dinner."

"Why?"

"Are you going to let me in?" Beca asked pushing past Luke and not waiting for a response. She walked into the kitchen, shrugging her jacket off as she went, tossing it somewhere on the floor. Picking up the spoon, she stirred Luke's almost cooked pasta. "I'm not sure how anyone can ruin pasta but you manage it every time."

"Screw you." Luke said, trying not to laugh. He felt his heart lift in his chest as he grabbed at the tea towel on the side.

"You wish!" Beca said, as she fished out a piece of pasta to test, grimacing as she put the noodle into her mouth. "Luke, buddy, you gotta learn about herbs."

"Nah, why bother when you can cook all my meals. That's the only reason I keep you around!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck _you_!" Luke snarled but the wide smile belied his words. They both fell into a comfortable silence for a moment or two before Luke spoke again. "Why _are_ you here anyway? It's Tuesday."

"And?"

"Shouldn't you be out with Aubrey at pilates?" Luke asked.

"Stalker much." Beca said, casting him a playful eye.

"Yeah, well ... I just know that it went from Tutu Tuesday to Pilates."

"Wow, you do listen occasionally! Listen, I'm only gonna say this once." Beca said, turning around and wiping her hands on Luke's clean tee shirt.

"Mate, I've got a tea towel in my hand and-"

"-You and that effing _tea_ towel. God, sometimes it's like the Queen of ' _bloody'_ England showed up. It's _just_ towel. Ok?"

"What crawled up your arse?" Luke asked as he leaned around Beca to turn the stove off.

"Sixteen midgets with handguns. Now will you listen?" Beca said, smacking his hand with the cooking spoon.

"Yes ma'am." Luke said, spinning her around and placing both hands on her shoulders. He looked down, directly into her eyes.

"You and me." Beca said, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You are the butter to my bread. The sun to my moon. The ying to my yang. You are my person. Dude, why the fuck are you laughing right now? I'm oozing with gushiness and you're making fun."

"I'm sorry." Luke laughed out loudly. "' _The sun to my moon!'_ Why Beca Mitchell, I do believe you have mellowed-"

"-Fuck off!" She barked as she turned around. "Get the plates out."

"Sorry! C'mon, tell me… what were you going to say?" Luke asked as Beca wrestled to get away from him.

"Nope. You lost your chance. Eat shit and die."

Luke bent down and kissed her cheek, leaving his lips by her ear a moment too long. "Thank you for coming over. Means a lot. I love you too."

"Plates!" Beca said. "Asshole."

"Troll." Luke bit back as he reached into one of the cabinets for a couple of dinner plates. He set them down near Beca and stood back a little as she turned around and busied herself in the bag of food she brought.

"Pompous twat."

"Tinkerbell."

"Wanker!" Beca remarked as she emptied food out of their containers.

"Shrimp."

"Limey."

"Oompa Loompa."

"Hey! I'm not fat!"

"No, but you're short!"

"Fuckin' Nancy boy."

"Fanny Ann Fanackapan." Luke said, twisting the towel in his hands. He whipped it at Beca's legs making her squeal.

"You are so gonna pay for that!" Beca shouted as she picked up the serving fork she'd been using, brandishing it towards Luke's junk. He put his hands up in mock surrender. She rolled her eyes at him and nodded towards the bottle in her bag. "That shit doesn't pour itself."

"I'm on it! But aren't you driving?" Luke asked and inwardly smiled as he rooted around in the utensil drawer for the corkscrew. Beca motioned towards the duffle bag by the door which meant she was staying over. He was pleased there was nothing weird about their friendship and everything seemed as normal as ever. Even though she was potentially going to be busy with Ryan if things worked out for them and he had a feeling that they would, he knew deep down that they were solid. He glanced over at the flower tattoo on her shoulder; the ultimate symbol of their friendship.

"Dude, you're staring." Beca growled as she picked up the dinner plates. "You're so weird."

The rest of the evening passed just the same as any other night. Luke began falling asleep around 11 and by midnight, he was passed out on the couch. Beca threw a blanket over him before she headed off to Luke's bedroom. She paused at the door, turned off the light and took one last look at a sleeping Luke.

"You'll _always_ be my first love." She whispered.

Luke heard what she said as the door closed behind her and he felt an ache in his belly that took four days to subside as he listened to her brushing her teeth. He never told her he had heard what she said.

 **o~O~o**

Six months later, four couples sat around a large round table at Beca's favorite restaurant, celebrating her 24th birthday.

Beca had been seeing Ryan for a while and anyone who watched them could see that they were really happy together. Aubrey, smitten to pieces with Ben Applebaum, sat opposite Beca watching her all night with a wide smile on her face. Amy, the ever present best friend had brought along her latest beau, a slightly eccentric and obviously nerdy fellow Aussie named Malcolm Thomas. Luke was there, tucked into Beca's left side while Ryan was on her right. He'd brought along his girlfriend, Megan, who he'd been dating for a couple of months. Beca wasn't sure if she liked her; she was far too polite and sweet but as Luke only had eyes for her, Beca wasn't about to burst his bubble.

The evening went well with copious amounts of wine and stories shared among the group. As always, it was Beca and Luke who were the ones left at the table at the end of the night. They sat, almost cheek to cheek, as they messed around playing a stupid game where they tried to slap each others hands. Ryan had gone to pay the tab and Megan was talking with Aubrey at the bar.

"You seem happy Becs." Luke said, picking up her hand and entwining their fingers.

"I am. He makes me happy."

"He's good for you." Luke stated plainly.

"Yeah." Beca said simply, looking down at their hands. "It's just..."

"Just what?" Luke asked after a moment. He could see that Beca was itching to tell him something.

"Ugh, I dunno. I hate that he's away so much with work." Beca said, looking up to see where Ryan was and making sure he wasn't listening. "I could handle it at the beginning, when I wasn't so invested in the relationship. I'd really like to make it work, but he's away so much. I've only seen him twice this month."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No." She said quietly.

"Why not?"

"Cuz he takes off his shirt, kisses me and I forget what I was about to say."

"You tramp!" Luke laughed. "You're just in it for the sex."

"Shut up!" Beca said, her face flushing. "I mean, yeah, that part's ok. More than ok, actually. He's pretty good where that is concerned and _always_ makes sure I am taken care of. But with my schedule and him being in Florida more and more, it's just... Oh hey Ryan!"

"Hey you. Ready to go?." Ryan asked, offering his hand out to Beca. She unwrapped herself from Luke and took Ryan's hand. Luke stood up and nodded to Megan who motioned that she was going to the ladies room. Ryan held out his hand to Luke. "Good to see you Luke. Great evening."

"It was indeed." Luke said, shaking Ryan's hand vigorously. "You take care of my girl now. I mean, your girl. I mean… yeah, um, goodnight."

Ryan raised an eyebrow but nodded to Luke before getting Beca's jacket off the back of her chair. He held it open and she clumsily slipped her arms in through the sleeves. Spinning around, she reached up to peck Luke's cheek.

"Thanks for coming. I love you."

"Love you too Munchkin."

"You are still an asshole."

"Always."

"Come on Bec. Time to go." Ryan said as he guided her away from the table. He nodded once more to Luke before wrapping his arm around Beca's shoulders. Beca waved quietly as she passed by Aubrey and Ben and followed the path out to the waiting cab. Luke watched the whole time from his spot by the table without moving.

"You know, you should just tell her."

"Wait, what?" Luke said as he snapped his head around and saw Megan standing next to him.

"You're a really great guy Luke, you _really_ are. And we've had some fun. But your heart is with her. You should tell her."

"Oh no, wait, you've got the wrong idea. She's my best friend and-"

"-It's ok. I get it." Megan said, smiling. "I do. But no one will ever compare to her."

"It's not that at all." Luke said, as he fished for Megan's hand. "I'm just protective and she get's into so many scrapes and..."

"This has been fun but I know it's not going anywhere. If you ever need a date to something important, give me a call."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Luke asked.

"This never really started, did it?" Megan responded as she kissed his cheek. "Take care of yourself."

Luke watched as she walked away, stopping to say goodbye to Aubrey on her way past. Luke watched Aubrey's face as Megan obviously told her what had just happened and he squirmed under her beady eye.

He went home alone that night. He really tried to move on with his life and had been out on a few dates in the last few months but he _had_ found himself comparing every girl he met to Beca. He knew he needed to get laid and fast. Swigging the chilled bottle of wine that he'd been saving to share with Megan, he called Allie, his friend with benefits. He liked her anyway, she was good company and if he was honest, he wouldn't mind taking things further with her; in a way she reminded him a lot of Beca with her ' _take no shit'_ attitude and sense of humor. She was relationship material and had definite potential but she kept saying she didn't want to be tied down to anyone or anything.

Allie showed up half an hour later wearing one of Luke's dress shirts that she'd stolen previously and nothing but a lacy bra and barely there panties underneath. Allie liked Luke and she'd actually spent most of the day thinking about him as she'd seen lots of commercials on the local television promoting a small talent contest. Allie knew Luke attended those sort of things with work and she was going to see if he wanted some company. She turned up at his apartment, knowing the reason why he'd called her and took him straight to bed.

He was sleeping off a marathon sex session and a massive hangover when his phone rang. Sitting up in bed too quickly, he saw the room begin to sway as he grabbed at the phone on his night stand. Swiping at the phone clumsily, he didn't even check the name as he put the phone to his ear.

"'lo." He said as he swallowed down the burn in his throat.

"It's me."

"Becs?"

"Yeah dumbass, who else calls you in the middle of the night."

"Sup?"

"Clearly, not you."

"Whadyouwant?" Luke hissed out.

"Can you talk? Is Megan there?"

"She's gone."

"Really? She didn't stay over?" Beca questioned.

"Nope." Luke grumbled.

"Then whose car is in your spare parking spot?"

"What? Where are you?" The answer to Luke's question came quickly as his doorbell sounded louder than a fog horn. It resonated throughout his loft apartment and he held his hand over his ears. "Whatthefuck?"

"Let me in."

"Who's that?" Allie murmured from underneath the blankets. "What the fuck time is it?"

"It's Beca."

"Tell her to go away." Allie said, regretting opening the third bottle of wine. She turned over in bed and pulled the covers over her head.

"Hang on." Luke slipped out of bed and slowly stumbled his way to the front door, using the wall to steady himself. He tried to pull on the door to open it but it didn't move.

"You idiot, you have to unlock it first." Beca deadpanned through the keyhole.

"Fuck." Luke said as he unlocked the door, looking at her like she was as rare as hen's teeth.

"Um, Luke?" Beca said as she came face to face with her very naked friend. She pointed to his junk as she ended the call on her phone. Luke looked down and shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't care." Luke said, squinting at the light in the hallway with one eye still closed. "Go'way."

"Let me in." Beca said and Luke stood aside to welcome her in, despite what he just said. Beca headed into the living room and Luke followed her after closing the door.

"Drink?" Luke grumbled, thinking how hair of the dog might cure all.

"No, I'm fine. Although..." Beca looked around at the living room and the evidence of someone drowning their sorrows in several bottles of wine. "... it looks like you had a few when you got home." Beca picked up a bottle of something expensive and drained the last few sips out of it.

"Why're you here?" Luke asked, scratching an ass cheek.

"Ryan and I had a fight." Beca made a face. "Dude, stop doing that."

"Why?" Luke fought to clear the fog from his brain as her words registered.

"It's nothing."

"You wouldn't be here if it was..." Luke stifled a yawn. "... nothing."

"Doesn't matter. We had words and I wanted out of there."

"Beca?"

"It's nothing. Really."

"You're lying." Luke said, blinking a couple of times then wiping his eyes.

"I know."

"Talk to me."

"It was about you." Beca said quietly.

"Me?"

"Yes."

"What do I have to do with anything?" Luke asked.

"He doesn't really understand ' _us'._ "

"Well, in his defense, who does?"

"True."

"I'm sorry Becs." Luke said, completely understanding what has being said and thinking that if he wasn't naked he would have pulled her into a hug.

"Yeah well. We were cuddling in bed after... you know? And he asked me if we'd ever slept together." Beca said, making a face as she spoke.

"Nice timing. What did you say?"

"Well... no, of course."

"Course." Luke twisted his mouth in agreement.

"Anyway, he was acting like a dick. It was our first _real_ fight and I walked out without my keys. Then I remembered that you had my spare set." Beca said. "If I'd known you'd be sleeping off a drunken stupor, I'd have called my Dad and bore the brunt of one of his ' _you should be more responsible_ ' conversations."

"You want your keys?"

"Yeah, just my house key. I don't need my car keys." Beca said grabbing her head. "Whoa, why is the room spinning?"

"Did you call a cab?"

"No, I'm just gonna walk."

"It's miles."

"And?"

"You've had too much to drink, it's the middle of the damn night and those stupid heels will kill you."

"I'll walk barefoot."

"That's not an option and you know it." Luke said as he walked to the other side of the room, pulled open the top right hand drawer of his desk and took out a small bunch of keys that Beca recognized immediately.

"Here." Luke said, holding out the keys to her. "Call a cab. Now."

"You have a cute ass." Beca said, her lip curling upward slightly as she took in his naked form.

"Um, thanks?"

"Hearing what Ry had to say... it got me thinking." Beca said as she wobbled slightly.

"'bout what?" Luke asked.

"You and me."

"What about us?" Luke said, reaching out a hand to steady Beca as she began to sway.

"I've never really thought about you and me being intimate before."

"Huh?" Luke said, his senses quickly coming together. "Let's not do this right now."

"Why not?"

"You're drunk and not making much sense."

"I'm making perfect sense. Well… your _ass_ is making _perfect_ sense to me right now."

"Beca!"

"Luke!"

"Let's not do anything that either one of us will regret?" Luke said. "You can stay on the couch if you want."

"Only if you promise to stay with me."

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't you ever wondered what it'd be like?"

"What what would be like?"

"Us." Beca said, running her hands over her face. Luke took in her bloodshot eyes. "Having sex."

"Sleep." Luke said, adamant that, despite the thought crossing his mind several dozen times over the years, now was so not the time to be talking about this. "I'm going back to bed. I've had a lot to drink tonight. So have you."

"Kiss me."

"No."

"Don't you want me?" Beca said, shrugging off her jacket and letting it fall to the floor. She began to unbutton her shirt. Luke gritted his teeth and looked away as Beca shimmied out of her clothes. The pile of clothes around her feet grew. "We've wasted years. Years in which we could have been fucking each others brains out."

"Just so you know..." Luke said, keeping his voice even as Beca began to fumble with her bra strap, running her hands around her back to undo the clasp. "... in another time, and another place, this might happen. But I am not prepared to gamble our friendship on a mistake. You are _not_ a cheater. You're with Ryan and you'll wake up in the morning full of regrets if you take any more clothes off right now."

"You're naked."

"That's different."

Beca kicked off her heels and tried to walk seductively towards Luke. Forgetting that her clothes were pooled around her ankles, her foot caught up in the hem of her pants and she tripped up, falling into Luke's arms.

"What's gotten into you?" Luke said crossly, his arms straining with the effort of keeping her upright. "I'm putting you to bed. And I don't want to hear another peep."

The fall seemed to break whatever spell had come over Beca. She blinked several times as if coming to her senses and nodded, trying to avoid the realization that her mouth was very close to Luke's junk. As Luke helped her back onto her feet, she looked like she was going to be sick.

"You. Couch." He said, pointing at the couch that could easily sleep three people. Beca nodded as she walked towards her bed for the night. "I'm going back to Allie."

At the mention of her name, Beca spun around.

"Shit! Luke, I'm sorry. I-"

"-No apologies necessary. G'nite."

Beca watched as Luke walked back to his bedroom, stumbling slightly as the level of alcohol in his system hadn't diminished at all. She reached over to turn off the small lamp on the coffee table when a tee shirt came flying out of Luke's room, hitting her square in the face. She held it in her hands and sniffed, noting immediately that it was Luke's favorite one from High School. Slipping it over her head, she relaxed into the cushions and was asleep in seconds.

A few hours later Luke woke with a start and an unquenchable thirst. Coughing slightly, he rolled over and found Allie still passed out on the other side of the bed. He gathered her sleeping form up in his arms and kissed her cheek before brushing the hair out of her face.

"Coffee?" He whispered and she nodded.

He slipped out of bed and collected a pair of boxers on the way towards the bathroom. He flipped the light on and remembered that Beca had turned up in the middle of the night. He was too desperate for a pee to check if she was ok but as soon as he was done, he made his way to the living room. The small blanket that he always kept on the back of the couch was folded neatly on the coffee table along with his Van Halen tee shirt perched on the top. There was no sign of Beca or her pile of clothes.

Not worried in the slightest that she had left without saying goodbye, he was about to fill up the coffee maker when he noticed a large, white bakery box on the counter. He lifted the lid to find a dozen assorted muffins from the bakery across the street. Confused, he closed the lid and noticed the loopy, cursive writing on the top.

" _Mornin' Stud Muffin... forgive me? ~xo B xo~"_

Grinning to himself, Luke found the coffee filters and the Colombian coffee that he saved for special occasions. Within a couple of minutes, he was heading back to his bedroom armed with two large mugs of coffee and the box of muffins. Setting everything down on his nightstand, he noticed his phone flashing with a message.

 _"Dude, I borrowed your car. Did you know your Mercedes Benz? Yeah, still can't drive a stick. Anyway, it's 'parked' in a hedge by the Exxon on Freemont. Send me the bill for the damage. Love you. XO"_

"What are you laughing about?" Allie asked, stretching out as the aroma of coffee invaded her nostrils.

"Just a text from Bec." Luke answered honestly, setting his phone back down. He looked over towards Allie. "You ok this morning?"

"Feeling sore, thanks to you Mr. Five Times."

"Oh yeah?" Luke said, winking at her.

"I should totally hate you right now. But I'm too comfortable and happy."

"Happy huh?"

"Yes. This is nice."

"I'm glad you're enjoying this." Luke said, picking up one of the mugs and taking a mouthful before holding it out to Allie. She sat up in bed, letting the sheets fall from her breasts. "Damn, that's good."

"The coffee or these?" Allie laughed, pointing to her boobs.

"Hmmm." Luke pondered. "Both."

"Are you always like this?" Allie asked, taking in Luke's relaxed manner. She'd never stayed the night before. They had always had quick hook-ups and she would leave shortly after because staying over was a level of intimacy that until now, neither one of them wanted to explore.

"Pretty much." Luke smiled as he pulled the box of muffins onto his lap. "Why?"

"I like this side of you." Allie mused as she handed Luke back the coffee before she dipped her fingers into the bakery box and selected a double chocolate muffin. "You free tomorrow night?"

"Sure." Luke nodded and took a sip from his mug. "I'm gonna go jump in the shower."

Luke picked up his phone as he got up off the bed and started reading emails. He was just reading through the second message when his phone lit up with a message from Beca.

" _Are we ok?"  
_ " _Absolutely."  
_ " _Are you sure?"  
_ " _Swear on the Queen of England's fourth corgi. Listen, are you up for a club tonight? OHM has a cool new DJ."  
_ " _Really dude?! You're sacrificing the Queen's corgi? You ain't right!"  
_ " _Ha! You in?"  
_ " _Yes!"  
_ " _Pick you up at 9."_

That night's bad behavior was one more thing that was squirreled away and forgotten about.

 **o~O~o**

Six months later, Luke was there to pick up the pieces when Beca and Ryan decided to end their relationship. Beca had cried as she told him that they'd tried to make it work but hadn't managed to see each other for a whole month. Ryan apologized more times than was necessary as they both admitted that it just wasn't meant to be. They'd talked over a late dinner and while it wasn't horrible, it was still awkward. Heading back to Beca's temporary apartment while her home was undergoing renovations, they'd ended up in bed together and Beca had wept as Ryan packed his things afterwards. The charmless promises of remaining friends hung in the air, sticking to the walls like an unwanted cobweb but they both needed the false, empty comment to hold on to.

Beca had mourned for Ryan; she'd gotten used to having him around after dating for just over a year. Aubrey, confused by Beca's obvious showing of emotion, organized a night out for them all but everyone could see that Beca's heart wasn't in it, despite her trying. In the end, Luke snuck her out of the back door of the bar, gave her a piggyback to his car and drove her down to the beach where they talked on the hood of his car until the sun came up. She seemed brighter after that night and remembered to thank Aubrey for getting her out of the house in something other than stained pajama pants.

Since Ryan was off the scene, Luke had been around to help Beca move into her newly refurbed home a few weeks after the break up. Luke was impressed with the changes and claimed one of the bedrooms for his own use which made Beca laugh for the first time in a month. He also offered to take her furniture shopping over the weekend. While Beca had some nice pieces already, she had a large home to fill and no one else to go with as her parents were out of town for another month. Typically, Luke wasn't a shopper but he did quite like the idea of helping Beca furnish and fill her home with cool things. He'd picked out the new bedroom set and insisted she buy the overstuffed couch for the den. As a housewarming gift, he chose a charming mirror that perfectly matched the Tiffany Lamp he'd found in an antique shop back in London for her 21st birthday. Beca had been really touched by the gesture, promising to hang it in the foyer.

Allie was now officially Luke's girlfriend. It wasn't long before she began to complain about the amount of time that he spent with Beca and her family. She hated the way she whined to Luke when he called her to say he'd be a few minutes late because he'd been out with Beca but she actually couldn't help it. Luke tried to explain that Beca was important to him and while she knew that, deep down it still irked her; she felt like she was always second fiddle to Beca. She tried to talk to Amy about it over drinks one night. Amy turned it around on her by asking Allie if she'd feel the same way if Luke's best friend was a guy. The questions definitely gave Allie a lot of food for thought.

At the beginning of January, Beca texted Luke about the up and coming Battle of the Bands competition due to take place later that month. Luke had replied straight away that he thought he might be working that night at a similar talent show in San Diego. Beca, thinking that the reason that Luke said he was busy was because of Allie, immediately offered her a ticket to join them. Luke sent his reply on his work email so Beca could see his prior engagement. He never mentioned the invitation to Allie because he didn't want the hassle that he knew he'd get. Luke wondered if he could find cover for his gig but not long after he started asking people, Beca text back to say she'd asked Aubrey and her boyfriend Ben to go.

Feeling guilty, Luke sent a limousine to take them all to the House of Blues where the contest was taking place. He liked doing little things to cheer Beca up. While she was no longer moping around the house, he knew she still missed Ryan judging by the amount of packages he received at work filled with homemade candy and treats; a result of Beca's boredom or her lack of sex life as he snarkily texted her after the sixth package arrived.

" _You seriously need to get laid mate."  
_ " _Shut up and eat your brownies."_

On the night of Battle of the Bands, Beca sent a text thanking Luke for the limousine as she got herself ready. He was just finishing up some paperwork when he received a picture message. Thumbing the screen, he nearly had heart failure when he saw what she was wearing that night and wondered if he should text her back and demand fair warning next time. He sent a message immediately with, ' _Damn girl, put those things away! Have fun!'._ He could just imagine her giggle when she'd received the text back and knew that the overly flattering boob shot had been to make him jealous he wasn't there, rather than the thought of her breasts themselves. Not expecting to hear from her for the rest of the night, knowing she was with Aubrey and Ben, he turned off his phone to save his low battery and headed out to his gig.

He had a good time with his coworkers but there was absolutely no prospective talent so he was quite disappointed not only with the wasted trip but because he turned Beca down. She usually had all the luck and probably had her pick of talent to choose from and he knew he'd never hear the end of it.

As soon as he got home, he plugged his phone in and got a beer from the fridge. Settling down on the couch to unwind and allow his ears a chance to rest, he turned on the television but muted the sound. He picked up his phone and scrolled quickly through the messages from Allie as it was just chit chat about what she'd had for dinner. Luke was surprised that Beca hadn't messaged him but didn't dwell on it too long. He gave up trying to watch a movie without sound at around 2am and headed to bed, sending Allie a quick "good night" message knowing he wouldn't hear the end of it if he didn't.

The next morning, he awoke earlier than he wanted too and went out for a five mile run to clear his head before he showered and shaved. Spooning cereal into his mouth, he checked his voicemail. The message was from Bernie, the limo driver from the night before. He'd used Bernie many times for all sorts of corporate events because he was always reliable. Thinking that Bernie was calling him to let him know that Beca had left something in the back of the limo, he was surprised when Bernie told him that Beca had tipped him handsomely but that the young man she'd taken home seemed a little odd. Bernie continued to say that he thought the chap had a cold or something as he kept sniffing all the way home and commented a few times at just how unsavoury the guy looked. Luke deleted the voicemail and immediately called Beca.

He felt a rush of relief as soon as he heard her voice and was initially happy that she had picked up her phone; he'd had a mad minute or so believing she might have been murdered or abducted or something else crazy. They'd talked for a few minutes and he could hear forks being dragged across plates so he knew that whoever this guy was had stayed over.

For the first time in years, Beca refused to give Luke all the details about something that had happened in her life and he was pissed to say the least. Trying to get a rise out of her, and to see if she had slept with the 'unsavoury character', Luke spat out the comment about them using protection. He felt his heart drop a little as Beca admitted she'd been shagging him all night long. Luke couldn't shake the bad feeling he got about the guy. It didn't help that Beca was being so cagey about telling him who the guy was. He pushed her for details, threatening to run a background check on him but Beca ended the call and cut him off.

Using the only other person he knew would be as angry as he was, he texted Aubrey and asked her to go check up on Beca. He hated the feeling he was having but what was worse was that Aubrey didn't reply to him for several hours after her message to say she'd arrived. He pulled out his laptop and tried to concentrate on some emails but his mind kept wandering to a living nightmare where he saw Beca at his door in the middle of the night, running away from the dirtbag.

Later that night Beca called him and skirted around the issue as if it was nothing. Luke sensed something was different and eventually Beca fessed up to being completely infatuated with the guy from the moment she saw him.

"Are you going to see him again?" He asked.

"We didn't make plans. Aubrey and Amy showed up and he skedaddled."

"Maybe that's a good thing." Luke said hopefully, inwardly laughing at how some of his British words had imprinted into Beca's vocabulary.

"Dude has a tongue piercing; if you wanted to talk about a good thing." Beca remarked playfully, aware of the tone in Luke's voice.

"I'd rather not."

"What's up your ass?" Beca asked.

"You don't know the first thing about this guy Becs."

"You didn't know Allie when you found her in that weird 'pub' place you go to."

"That's different." Luke said quickly.

"Ha! Because I'm a girl? I can't pick up a guy, is that what you are saying?"

"No, not at all."

"Double standards much."

"I said..." Luke began but realized he wasn't going to win the argument because she was actually right. "... are you ok?"

"Tired but yeah, I'm good. You?"

"Bored."

"You can come over if you want. Hot tub's on." Beca said, changing the channel on the television.

"Did you and... whatever his name is, you know, in there?"

"Yeah, but I cleaned it out and refilled it after he left."

"Thank God for that."

"You wanna come over though?" Beca asked again, leaning back into her couch cushions and resting her head.

"Yeah, ok."

"Cool. Pick up dinner, ok? I've only got sausage defrosted and right now, trust me, I'm not sure I want anything else phallic shaped near my mouth for a while."

"I hate you."

"I know. See you in thirty."

 **o~O~o**

A few weeks later, Luke was running out of excuses to meet Beca's new man; Jesse Swanson. He'd heard all about him from Aubrey who was resolute in telling Jesse all of the bad things she felt he needed to know about. She told him how she'd walked in on them while they were doing the nasty in the shallow end of her pool and Luke knew he could have lived the rest of his life without knowing that. Amy on the other hand couldn't stop singing Jesse's praises and hinted quite vocally that she was rather impressed with the size of his manhood, having snuck a photograph of ' _little Jesse'_ while pretending to fiddle with her boobs.

Luke met up with Beca almost every other day since the night of Battle of the Bands and he'd had his ears bent over how wonderfully talented Jesse's band was. Luke snuck out a copy of The Riff's demo from the 'Prospective Talents' pigeon hole when he was in the mail room at work. He'd listened to it as he drove home from work and had to admit that the band wasn't bad.

Beca went from being coy and quiet about Jesse to revealing everything and anything about him and for about the fourth time in his life, Luke wished Beca didn't treat him like a girl friend. He really didn't want to be discussing another guy's junk over tacos.

Eventually, he couldn't put it off any longer as Beca had started to get suspicious as to why he was blatantly avoiding meeting Jesse.

"I'm just busy Becs." Luke said down the phone as he took a late morning break from working.

"Yeah, I get it but this is important to me Luke. I really like this guy. I want you to meet him."

"I'll free up some time next week." Luke rolled his eyes as he typed Jesse's name into Google for the tenth time that week. He opened up the page of images and flipped the 'wooly woofter' the bird. He turned his chair around, facing away from his door.

"You said that last week." Beca said. Luke half closed his eyes as he knew she was right. "What are you doing right now?"

"I'm just in the office, going through some expenses. Then I have to make an appointment with Doug who is looking to offload some prospects before he retires. I've seen the list, it ain't all that." Luke said honestly.

"Dull."

"I know but I heard some clever dick over at Warner is signing new talent left, right and center so I've gotta up my game, you know?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, some feisty foul mouthed little diva who stopped sending me cake and brownies because some wanker is keeping her occupied in the evenings."

"Aww, Allie not giving it up, huh?"

"We're fine, thank you."

"Of course you are! How is she, by the way?"

"She was fine... when I spoke to her last night."

"You haven't called her today?" Beca asked incredulously.

"Nope, I spend all my day bothering you."

"Ha, that's because I'm the most important girl in your life!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Right behind my mother and my great Aunt Esmerelda. And yes, before you ask, she's the one that looks like a horse." Luke said, laughing. He heard the sounds of outside in the background. "Where are you anyway?" He asked.

"Just running a couple of errands out of the office. I've got Jesse with me." Beca said. Luke scrunched up his face and curled his lip at the mention of his name.

"Oh well, won't keep you then." Luke said, as he heard a soft tap on his office door. "Gotta go, someone needs my signature."

Luke ended the call before Beca could say anything else and beckoned his assistant Flo in. She had worked for Luke for a few months now and had settled in well, despite the slight bizarreness of her character. Placing some papers down on his desk, she stood back while he looked through them.

"I'm real sorry Mr. Luke but there's a package down at reception that you have to sign for."

"You have authority to sign on my behalf Flo. Reception knows that."

"The FBI has my fingerprints on file, I cannot hold a pen that has been touched by others."

"What?" Luke said, looking at her in confusion. She smiled sweetly at him. "Flo... please just go get the-"

"-Mr. Luke, before I came to Universal, I had diarrhea for seven years."

"Flo?"

"Please don't make me do this terrible thing."

Luke placed his pen down on the desk, rested his elbows on the table and interlocked his fingers. He looked up at Flo who squirmed slightly under the penetrating gaze.

"Ok, but if I get deported, locked in a shipping container for three months and die because I only had gas receipts to eat, I'm coming back to haunt you." Flo pulled on one of her braids before marching out of the office and heading towards the elevators.

"Heaven help me." Luke said as he began tackling the list of documents that he needed to sign. He spent a good few minutes going through the pile that Flo had left him before he heard a shuffling outside his door. Thinking it was Flo coming back with the package she seemed to be adverse to collecting, he didn't look up from the paperwork. "All sorted?"

When she didn't answer, Luke looked up to see where she'd gone to and looked straight up into Beca's chest.

"You were supposed to come downstairs so we could steal you away for lunch." She said, pretending to huff as she set down a picnic basket on his desk. She leaned down to peck his cheek.

"What are you doing here?" Luke asked, looking straight at her and completely ignoring the guy who he assumed was Jesse who was loitering by his office door as he tossed his pen onto the desk.

"Running errands like I told you." Beca said, twisting around and fiddling with the small photo frame on his desk. "You wouldn't come down stairs, so we brought the food up to you. Luke, I'd like you to meet Jesse Swanson." Beca stood back slightly and held her arm out to beckon Jesse towards the desk. "Jesse, this is my best friend Luke Donovan."

Jesse moved forward quickly with his hand stretched out. Luke knew he had no option but to shake it. ' _Well, he's got a firm handshake so perhaps he's not the limp dick I thought he was_ ', Luke thought as he looked at Jesse for the first time. He wasn't quite what he had been expecting and he immediately noticed his new threads and shoes as he gave him a casual glance over as he pretended to shuffle the papers on his desk, before suddenly remembering he had dozens of pictures of Jesse up on his screen. He couldn't close his laptop fast enough.

"Good to meet you finally." Jesse said. Luke took delight in the way his Adam's Apple bobbed up and down nervously. "How you are you today?"

"I'm good thank you." Luke said and caught Beca looking at him strangely. He knew he was acting stiff so took a deep breath, swallowed his feelings and smiled. "It's good to meet you too."

"Dude, you're standing like you've got a pole up your ass." Beca said to Luke as she began to unpack the plastic boxes from the basket. "Relax, he doesn't bite."

"Well, only if you ask nicely." Jesse said, trying to make a joke. Luke felt his lip curl again.

"Oh right, cuz..." Beca said, before looking at Luke's face. She could see the strain written clearly around his eyes and decided not to be crass. "Hope you are hungry."

"Starving." Luke said, counting out the containers as she unpacked them.

"Jesse, the blanket." Beca said.

"Oh, yes. Sorry." Jesse rushed out, as he swung the small backpack from his shoulder and placed it on the floor. Unzipping it, he pulled out a brightly colored checkered blanket and shook it out, laying it out onto the office floor. Luke tried to hide his surprise.

"She's a really good cook." Jesse said absentmindedly as he took the plates and cutlery from Beca as she passed him things and laid them out neatly.

"Yep. I _know_." Luke said, trying hard not to grit his teeth. ' _I've been friends with her for over fifteen years, you piece of shit.'_ He thought, wondering how long he was going to have to suffer this guy's company.

"Yeah, I guess you do." Jesse said, as he raised his eyebrows at Luke's tone.

"Boys. Play nice." Beca said lightly, handing over food to both of them. "Sit. Eat. Talk. Make friends."

"This looks good." Luke said honestly, as he joined them on the blanket. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

The next hour was spent with Luke firing questions at Jesse. Now that he'd met Jesse, Luke was certain that his gut instincts were right on the money. The guy even _looked_ bad news with his misspelled tattoo that Beca just kept on touching the whole time and the scars on his neck that showed he'd been in more than one fight in his life. But he'd also never seen Beca happier, even when she was with Ryan in the peak of their relationship, so he really felt caught in the trick bag.

Now that he knew Jesse's first and last name, he could have his Dad run a background check on him. He knew his Dad would be discrete but if Beca ever found out, she wouldn't forgive him for not trusting her. The wanker was putting him in a bad place and Luke wanted to squash the homemade spinach and feta cheese quiche that Jesse was currently teasing Beca with, into his face. Luke had a choice to make; protect Beca at all costs and risk losing their lifelong friendship or standby and watch as she got destroyed.

Luke decided it was best to just take the ride with Beca. She was happy after all and he hoped that he was wrong about Jesse. There seemed to be unspoken agreement between the men which allowed each of them time with Beca while staying out of each other's way. That arrangement seemed to work… for a little while.

 **o~O~o**

Beca texted Luke when she found out she was going to Oahu as she had to cancel a pre-planned dinner date she had with him. Luke obviously understood and said she'd better bring him back something tacky from Hawaii as a consolation prize, and warned that it better not be one of those dashboard hula girls.

Luke was thinking about her going away for a week when he stepped out of the office that afternoon. Walking towards his car, he decided he didn't feel like going home or heading over to Allie's to watch her paint her nails and complain about her mother so he decided to take a drive somewhere for a couple of hours. He knew that the two of them had been getting on pretty well over the last few weeks but he had also had noticed her subtle hints about taking things to the next level. She'd left a magazine open on his coffee table, conveniently showing a page full of engagement rings. She constantly talked about her friends who were getting engaged and hinted how her cousin's best friend was a wedding planner. Luke had no plans to go anywhere but he certainly didn't want to think about settling down until he knew Beca was happy.

He sent a quick message to Allie to let her know he'd not be around that evening and turned his phone off so he didn't have to listen to her make a fuss about where he was going. Lowering the top on his convertible, he headed down the I-10, driving faster than he should have.

He was just heading into Los Angeles from Santa Monica, when he decided to stop for a drink. Pulling his car into the parking lot of Caveman's Kitchen, he killed the engine and rolled his shoulders a few times, wondering if going for a long run up through the Hills would have been a better idea. He hadn't noticed how tense he was and realized that while he'd been driving, he'd also been thinking about Beca and Jesse.

' _Speak of the Devil._ ' Luke mused as he looked across the parking lot. Luke knew Jesse hadn't seen him, he was, after all, quite far from home or his office but he still sunk a little lower in his seat as he watched Jesse step out of Beca's Audi TTS Coupe. His lip curled again as he watched Jesse kick the door shut with his foot, angry and annoyed that he was treating Beca's car in such a way. He clucked his tongue as Jesse was laughing along with a boy who looked a little like him and vaguely remembered Beca telling him that Jesse had a brother.

Luke watched them as they entered the restaurant and slid into a booth where they were joined by a third guy a minute or so later. Luke pulled out his phone as the three men looked to be in cahoots about something and he wanted to record the evidence. He turned his phone on, cleared the five messages from Allie and was about to press record when he had an idea.

' _He's probably a member of the band.'_ Luke thought to himself and quietly berated himself for thinking badly of him. He wanted Jesse to be a fuck up and he knew the area he was in was known for it's drug crime but that didn't mean that Jesse was doing drugs himself. Luke decided he didn't want to know what was going on and if he snapped a picture and Beca found it, she would probably think he was tailing Jesse, searching and waiting for something to go wrong.

Feeling a ball in the pit of his stomach, he started the engine and pulled away without looking back. He continued to drive for another couple of hours, thinking all the while that Beca was her own person and she had a right to make mistakes. He then chided himself that she was a grown woman and while he wanted to keep her safe, she wasn't his property to worry about. Conflictingly, he had a flashback of all the times she'd cried on his shoulder and he'd held her tight to his chest and promised her everything would be ok.

He was so invested in his thoughts, he didn't hear his phone ring until the Bluetooth in the car picked it up.

"Luke? You there?" Beca's slightly muffled voice filtered through the car speakers.

"Yep. You ok?"

"I've been trying to get hold of Jesse for the last hour. He borrowed my car tonight and I'm stranded without it."

"Oh." Luke said, keeping his eyes firmly on the road.

"Yeah, he had to help a friend's Grandmother move or something. He was gonna pick me up afterwards but I guess he got delayed."

"Right."

"Luke? He's a good guy."

"Sure, ok." Luke grumbled. "What's up anyway?"

"I was over in Inglewood. Anyway, there is not a cab in sight."

"You need a ride?"

"I know it's far to come but would you mind-"

"-I'm not that far actually."

"What are you doing way out here?"

"Just took a drive. I'm on 105. Where are you?"

"I'm at The Forum."

"Oh, high society tonight, huh?"

"Yeah, Sawyer wanted some classical shit on Snoop Dogg's new album and got wind of some kid who plays the flute with his ass or something. I dunno anymore."

"Sit tight. I'll be there in a few."

Puffing out his chest slightly at the thought of rescuing his damsel in distress, Luke turned the car around and headed towards Inglewood to collect Beca. She was waiting by the side of the road as he approached and he flashed his lights a couple of times to let her know it was him pulling up. She opened the door with gusto and jumped into the front seat.

"There's some crazy ass people around here." She said as she buckled her seatbelt. "There's a dude who's using his skateboard as a pillow and some whackjob licking the pavement."

"You fit in quite well then."

"Screw you."

"No news from Jesse then?" Luke asked as he pulled up to the traffic light.

"I'm sure he's got a reasonable excuse for being late."

"Late, yes. Ignoring the phone, no."

"Don't start, ok?"

"K."

They drove the rest of the journey in a comfortable silence and as Luke pulled up outside the gates to Beca's home, he nodded towards her driveway.

"Hope he's got a good explanation for _that_."

"What?" Beca said, twisting in her seat to look at her car, which had been parked up towards the garage.

"The large ding in the bumper."

"Oh for fucks sake." Beca muttered as she shook her head. "Thanks for the ride. As always, you saved my bacon. I'd better go and deal with this." She said motioning toward her wrecked car.

"Sure thing. Night."

"Night."

Beca slipped out of the car and Luke watched as she approached the door, turning as she put her key in the lock to give him a wave. He headed home, shaking his head most of the way. Pulling in, he noticed Allie's Camaro in his visitors spot and was actually pleased she'd come over. He was heading towards a bad mood and knew she would distract him. He'd even take her inane chatter about nail polish over the darkening thoughts he had about Jesse Swanson. Entering his apartment, he looked at his watch and was surprised to see it was way past 11.

"Hey!" Allie called out from the living room. "Where've you been?"

"Took a drive." Luke said, kicking his shoes off into the hallway closet. He braced himself before he continued. "Ended up in Inglewood. Picked Beca up."

"Oh."

"Have you eaten?" Luke asked as he poked his head around the corner wall. He was expecting a face like a slapped ass but she actually looked quite content.

"Yeah, I put something for you in the microwave if you are hungry." She said. Luke was quite touched at the gesture until he saw that she'd cooked him something green which smelled suspiciously of grass.

"I'm good but thanks." He lied. "I'm pretty tired. You fancy an early night?"

 **o~O~o**

A few weeks later, Luke was having a lazy morning at home when he received a flurry of text messages. He hadn't expected to hear from Beca while she was in Oahu, though she had sent a few messages letting him know she'd arrived safely. He was making a grilled cheese sandwich when his phone lit up like a beacon. He couldn't get a word in edgewise so just let her go until she ran out of steam.

 _"So, Jesse threw a party."_  
 _"Invited 100 people."_  
 _"He fucked up my house."_  
 _"You there?"_  
 _"I know it's early but I really need to rant."_  
 _"He got carted off to the clink."_  
 _"He threw a fucking party! At my house!"_  
 _"Dad says there's minimal damage but there's enough weed left in the house to keep 1000 pot heads happy for a month."_  
 _"Someone took a shit in the pool."_  
 _"A shit! God knows what else happened in it!"_  
 _"Fucks sake, he's trying to get me to bail him out of jail now."_  
 _"He wants money."_  
 _"What the actual fuck?"_  
 _"It's illegal to put a hit out on him… right?"_  
 _"I'm just ranting."_  
 _"Call me… Please?"_

It took Luke an hour to calm her down and he promised her faithfully that he'd check in with her parents and see if there was anything he could do to help. Knowing Anne and William for as long as he had done, he knew they'd have it under control before the sun was up. He called anyway and Anne filled him in quickly about the damage. She estimated that it would take $25,000 to have everything returned to it's previous state. He thought was an exaggerated amount but then he still has heard what the actual damages were yet.

The guest house was in desperate need of a thorough cleaning. There was vomit and trash everywhere. The pool needed to be drained, scrubbed clean and refilled before Beca could even think about using it again. The teak patio furniture was thrown around the back yard and in the pool. The back yard would need new sod and plants since what was there had been trampled beyond recognition. Several of the slate tiles on the morning porch had been ruined and the cushions on the chairs had been intentionally burned with cigarettes. There was a deep gouge in the hardwood floor in the foyer that needed to be repaired and the downstairs toilet was blocked with a foreign object. Luke winced as he heard what had happened and offered to speak with Jesse himself. Anne asked him not to, reminding him that it was Beca's decision on which was she was going to go.

Luke agreed and was secretly enjoying the fact that Jesse had no one to bail him out. He agreed with Beca that he should sit on his ass in jail until the court arraignment. He kept his head down at work and willed the week away until he knew Beca was back home.

He was trying to avoid eating any of Allie's cooking as she had decided to stay over at his apartment for the weekend Beca was due home. He couldn't be sure but he had a feeling that she had done it on purpose. Trying to keep his head in check, he was trying to subtly glance at his phone when she wasn't looking, waiting for the message from Beca to say she was home.

"For God's sake!" Allie cried out. "Just check the damn thing and see if the little Princess has called."

"Hey, that's a bit unfair. She's traveling and I-"

"-Save it, ok. You'll always defend her."

"I don't always defend her."

"You're doing it now."

"Fine, whatever." Luke knew she had a point but was worried as he hadn't heard from Beca since she'd landed hours before. He was drumming his fingers on the side of the couch when he felt the vibration in his pocket. Snatching up the phone faster than John Wayne could take a gun out of a holster, he answered the call.

"Hey Becs!"

"Hey, you home?"

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Come get me?"

"What's up?"

"Just come get me, ok?"

"I'm on my way." Luke said and cleared the call.

"Are you for fucking real?" Allie asked as Luke stood up and straightened his pants.

"What now?"

"After everything I've been saying about how you run off after Beca at every available opportunity, you're gonna just leave and go... now?"

"She needs me."

" _I_ need you."

"Allie, can we _not_ do this now?" Luke said, looking around for his car keys as he pushed his feet into a pair of sneakers.

"Yes, we are doing this now."

"I'm going." He said as he walked towards the door, swiping up his keys from the dish on the shelf by the entrance.

"It's me or her Luke. Make a choice. Me or her?"

Luke walked back into the living room and up to where Allie was sitting on the sofa, looking defiantly at him.

"Me or her?" She repeated.

Luke placed his hands on the couch behind her head and leaned down. Allie automatically pursed her lips, expecting a kiss. He put his mouth near to her ear and whispered.

"Her."

"What?"

"Pack your shit and get out." Luke said, lifting himself away from her. He walked back to the front door and called out over his shoulder. "I _don't_ want you to be here when I get back."

"What just happened?"

"I choose her, _every_ time."

 **o~O~o**

Luke pulled into the driveway of Beca's home and found her sitting on the front step. She looked really little as she hugged her knees to her chest. He didn't bother turning the engine off as he got out of the car and jogged over to her.

"What's happened?" He asked kneeling down in front of her. "Are you hurt?"

"He did it again." Beca told Luke without so much as a hello. She sniffed loudly a few times and wiped the back of her hand over her nose.

"What did he do?"

"Threw another party."

"What?"

"I think this one was worse than the first."

"You're fucking kidding me right now?" Luke barked. "Where is he? Is he inside?"

"I got left at the airport and had to call Uber for a car to take me home. When I got here my house will full of half nekkid crack heads. _He_ was upstairs, passed out in _my_ bed."

"Alone?"

"Yeah."

"Thank God."

"Yeah, I guess."

"What's the damage?"

"I don't know but…" Beca's voice cracked. "... my Tiffany lamp is broken and the mirror you gave me when I moved in was use to cut lines."

"Let me take a look."

"I don't want you to see my house like that." Beca said sniffling. "Silvana's working her magic in there."

"Where's the douchebag now?" Luke asked as he sat next to Beca.

"I kicked him out."

"Good."

"He left without a fight Luke."

Luke put his arms around Beca and pulled her close to him. She turned into his shoulder, burying her face into the fabric of his shirt. He could feel her sobbing as he kissed the top of her head.

"Sssh, it's going to be ok. Come on, up you get." Luke said, nudging her with his elbow.

"Where are we going?"

"You're coming home with me."

"What about-"

"-Allie's gone, if that's what you are asking."

"Both single again, huh?"

"We've got each other and we don't need anything else tonight. Come on, there's a bottle of wine at my apartment with your name on it."

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Everything."


	9. Chapter 9: Unravelled and Ultimatums

**A/N: Sorry, this chapter comes a little late in the day but you know what they say... better late than never!**

 **Corinne, What can I say that hasn't already been said? YOU ARE THE BEST BETA EVER! XX**

* * *

 **o~O~o**

 **Chapter 9**

 **o~O~o**

Five days.

Five days, eleven hours.

Five days, eleven hours and nineteen minutes.

That's how long it took for Beca to stop crying after Luke picked her up the day she got back from Oahu. He never left her side, calling in to request a few personal days from work before letting Sawyer know that Beca was too sick to come into the office.

Sawyer didn't question Luke's request that she take a few days away from the office seeing as she'd taken no real time off in ten months or so; he even went as far as to say that he thought something was 'off' the previous week as she hadn't seemed her usual workaholic self. Luke wasn't about to tell Sawyer what was going on with Beca and Jesse; that was for her to talk to him about if she chose to, not him but he was internally grateful that either Sawyer had heard the truth through the grapevine and was respectfully keeping the conversation off track or he genuinely cared enough about Beca to not question Luke's remark.

It was the afternoon of the fourth day when he pulled her out from under the blankets on his bed. He'd let her sleep for as long as she wanted to, worn out and fatigued from the trip where she'd only gotten three hours sleep a night but mentally and emotionally she was exhausted from dealing with the fall out with Jesse leaving the way he did. She'd only poked and picked at the food he'd put in front of her, collecting her favourite things from the market at the end of the street he lived on in an attempt to get her to eat.

She'd asked for popcorn and he'd called Aubrey to come and sit with her while he traipsed around to four stores before finding the brand that he knew she liked. It had taken him two hours but she was worth it. He'd popped the kernels in the microwavable bag, imagining that each pop was the sound of his fist hitting Jesse in the face. The image made him feel a little better. He'd poured the popcorn into a bowl and taken the warm snack to her, shaking her shoulder to wake her up. She'd looked up at him, confused before taking one piece and squashing it between her fingers, crumbling it up amongst the blankets on his bed. She refused to eat anymore, despite Luke chiding her. She'd glared at him and, knowing which battles were worth fighting with Beca, left her to it figuring he'd leave it another 24 hours before calling an intervention.

She'd not changed her clothes once since leaving Oahu and Luke was gently trying to encourage her into the shower, knowing he could at least have put her clothes in the wash if she'd only she'd take them off. She refused to answer her work phone and ignored the dings that signaled a new email coming through. In the back of her mind, she was aware that she was missing deadlines but she couldn't even begin to explain how much she didn't care as she curled her knees up to her chest.

"Beca, this has to stop." Luke eventually said. "You can't carry on like this. Sack up, dude."

"You don't understand." Beca said. "He _just_ left."

"I know honey, I do get it. But sleeping in your own filth isn't helping. Either man the fuck up or go home."

Beca left an hour later while Luke was in the shower.

 **o~O~o**

For a few days, she didn't answer his calls or text messages. He called Aubrey who said she'd heard from her Aunt Anne who had heard from Silvana that Beca was back at work in her home office but the smell from her study suggested she wasn't looking after herself very well.

Her parents had never seen her like this before and told Aubrey that they had been over to the house to see her but she had refused to speak with them. She was only leaving the house to go to work, if and when she wanted to and had completely isolated herself for everyone and everything. She canceled all of her social engagements choosing instead to hide in her bedroom watching sappy movies and crying her eyes out. After missing Sunday dinner, her parents started bringing dinner to her, only to have her sit at the table and stare at the plate of food she had no intention of eating, instead pushing her 'meat and taters' around the plate with a fork like it was poison. Her parents, in all of their infinite wisdom, even suggested that she get a puppy, like a puppy was going to help her get through the worst hurt she'd ever experienced. She couldn't get the thought out of her head that he'd just left without a fight.

She was finding it extremely difficult to get over the dark haired stranger she'd met almost eight months earlier. Jesse was a man that, by her own admission, she hardly knew. Yet, no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't make it through a single day without thinking of him, wondering what he was doing and if he missed her as much as she missed him. She tried drowning herself in what she considered work which helped for a while but she couldn't physically work twenty four hours a day and that sucked because work was the one place she could truly escape. She knew she was putting in a lacklustre performance and just going through the motions but she had gotten to the point where she was past caring.

Beca moped around, missing Jesse every single minute of every single day. She wasn't eating, she wasn't sleeping and she was losing weight she didn't have to lose. Luke was all but begging her to eat. He even resorted to bribing her with ice cream and Oreos if she's just take a bite of the soup he picked up from her favorite French cafe or her favorite grilled swiss and bacon sandwich with roasted tomatoes and spinach that he ' _slaved over a hot stove'_ to make for her. Truth of the matter was that she _wanted_ to eat but if she tried to ingest anything more than water or a few crackers she was an absolute vomiting mess. For the first time in her life she felt sorry for Aubrey. Not wanting to hurt Luke's feelings, she said she would get round to eating later before putting them away in the fridge and ushered him back towards the front door.

Being back at work, when she actually decided to go in, was both good and bad. At times it served as a much needed distraction from her personal woes but she was constantly in a pissy mood, she looked like shit, her clothes didn't fit and no one wanted to be around her. Her foul mood had successfully melted the polar ice caps Kimmy Jin and Lilly so lovingly created to decorate the reception area. Beca's newfound bitchiness made the girls look like they were contestants in a Little Miss Mary Sunshine competition.

Her work was starting to suffer which, in an industry as ruthless as the music business, could easily mean she'd be out of job and forgotten about in a week. Luke heard over the next few days that she was turning up at Warner but she was going in late, leaving early, missing appointments and team meetings. Kimmy Jin, Lilly and Amy were covering for her as best as they could but even their best wasn't good enough; she was off her game and they simply didn't have the skills to do what she did.

Sawyer eventually caught on to what was happening and he made it known that, despite him having a decent level of sympathy in the beginning, he'd run out of patience and he was now pissed. He was fed up waiting hours for answers and dealing with agitated sponsors and talent scouts who were calling asking why their schedules weren't being updated. Sawyer told Kimmy Jin that he was sick and tired of all the games and wanted Beca in his office like yesterday. Sawyer's parting words, as he left Beca's office to go and fix a small crisis were, "If I have to let her go then I'll make damn sure she never works in the music industry again."

Kimmy Jin immediately called Beca to see if she was coming into the office that day but got no answer. She was well aware that Beca had wandered out, unsupervised after lunch the day before and hadn't returned. Lilly had ventured into Beca's office late into the afternoon and noted that her laptop was turned off, but there was a mug full of coffee and a sandwich, uneaten in it's wrapper. As a last resort Kimmy Jin called Luke and told him what Sawyer had said and that if Beca didn't get her ass to the office pronto dente she was gonna find herself and her shit out on the curb.

Luke was pissed. He was annoyed at Jesse for screwing up her life over something that could have been easily avoided if he'd not been such a complete tool but he was also angry at Beca for acting the way she was. Despite it being completely unlike her, as her best friend, he couldn't allow it to carry on any longer.

Like her, his relationship had recently ended and he didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Normally, when anything went wrong in either one of their lives, they'd head out for the night, get drunk and end up somewhere for breakfast the next day. They've solve the issue, put it behind them and move on. Luke wasn't pissed that Beca had essentially ignored his breakup with Allie but he did want her to pull her head out of her ass.

Knowing he needed to get this sorted out, once and for all, he grabbed his keys and his cellphone, calling out to his assistant as he collected his jacket. "Flo, I have an appointment. If you need anything or something comes up, call my cell."

"Mr. Luke, what if Mr. Pastasauce and the Italian Mob want me to join their gang?"

"What? Flo, just... wait what?"

"You hear about it all the time on CNN. I cannot let the White Tiger into my dreams."

"Flo? White Tiger? I... I don't want to report you to corporate for smoking some wacky herb on company time. Is there something you need to tell me?"

"When I was nine years old, my brother tried to sell me for a chicken, so..."

"Explains everything." Luke muttered. "I need to go and deal with... look, I'll see you later."

Flo watched him leave before she mumbled under her breath, "Crazy white women and their dramas. It's not as if she has malaria."

 **o~O~o**

When Luke arrived at Beca's house, Silvana was just leaving, carrying a basket of high grade cleaning products with her. She gave him a sad look. "Hi Mr. Luke." She said as she patted his shoulder and walked past.

"Silvana, how is she?" Luke asked, needing to know whether he needed to approach with caution or if he could pull out the big guns.

Silvana stopped on the step, placed her basket on the ground for a moment and turned around to face Luke. "Not good. I had to force her out of bed to change the sheets. She hasn't spoken to me in over two weeks now and all the food in the fridge has gone to waste. I had to throw most of it out. Mr. Luke, can I be honest with you?"

"Of course you can."

"I don't judge anyone and would never talk ill of Miss Beca but her personal hygiene is now getting to be a problem. I thought there was a problem with the drains but in fact, it was just coming from the master bedroom. I'm worried for her health."

"Shit!" Luke sighed. He had just spoken to Beca two days earlier and she seemed to be getting a little better despite the monosyllabic responses to his questions. He couldn't understand why she was like this with Jesse. She hadn't reacted as extremely with Ryan. Luke was determined she wasn't going to lose her job over the eyeliner sporting twat who had clearly fucked up her life.

"Is everything ok?" Silvana asked, watching his reaction as he ran through everything in his mind.

"No." He said honestly. "If she doesn't get her shit together, she's gonna lose her job."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No, you have done more than enough. Deep cleaning the house from top to bottom and coordinating the repairs has been more than enough and I know deep down, Beca is grateful, even if she hasn't vocalized it. I'll take it from here." Luke told her as he turned to go in the house.

"I'm glad she has you." Silvana said, reaching out to pat his arm. "You are a good boy."

Luke nodded his response and stepped in through the front door. Pausing as he took in the fresh scent of the house and the shiny, sparkling surfaces, he called out to the housekeeper, "Oh and Silvana…"

"Yes, Mr. Luke."

"Thank you."

Silvana smiled and nodded before walking to her car. Her concern for Beca had been spot on but Beca couldn't seem to see that things weren't over. No matter how hard Silvana tried she couldn't make Beca believe that breakup was simply the start of something new. She failed to see why Beca couldn't find a nice young man like the one who was desperately trying to pull her out of the funk she'd gotten herself into.

Luke went straight to the kitchen as soon as he'd closed the front door, warmed a bowl of soup that he'd found in the fridge that smelled fresh and prepared a cup of English tea that he knew Beca would find pretentious but it might at least get her to talk to him. He took a deep breath before making his way upstairs to Beca's smelly girl cave. Without knocking, he walked in and placed the tray he'd been carrying on the floor. He walked over to the window, threw the curtains open, then opened the blinds flooding the room with light. He cracked the window open and gulped in a mouthful of fresh air.

"What the fuck?!" Beca screeched, her eyes burning from the sunlight.

"Get your smelly arse out of the fucking bed." Luke barked at her, turning around and pointing towards the door.

"Fuck you Luke." She said covering her face with her freshly laundered sheets and blankets that were already beginning to smell worse than a garbage truck.

Luke walked over to the bed he had helped her choose when she moved in and threw the covers back. Despite her giving him a glare that could melt polar ice caps, he scooped Beca up and, ignoring the yelps and wiggles, brought her into the ensuite bathroom.

"Put me down you asshole." She hissed at him.

"With pleasure, your Majesty." Luke said, opening the shower door with his foot. He threw her, fully clothed, into the shower and said, "Clean up... now! You smell worse than Lilly's weird tea and you're so sticky and sweaty, I don't think you've showered since Oahu." before turning on the faucet to allow the steady stream to hit her directly in the face. She squealed for a second before turning her face out of the water. Luke watched her relax for the first time in a couple of weeks as she stood getting drenched.

"Ok. Ok." She said quietly and Luke backed out of the shower, closing the door on her.

As Beca undressed, tossing her clothes over the top of the shower door for Luke to collect and throw into the hamper, she asked him why he was there. As he listened to the sound of her washing her hair, Luke grabbed a clean towel and told her that she was on her last leg with Sawyer. He was ready to kick her sorry ass to the curb and replace her with some guy named Dax.

"He can't do that." Beca said as she scrubbed her face, taking sixteen layers of grime off and instantly feeling lighter as she washed the memory of Jesse down the drain.

"He can and he will." Luke told her. "You haven't worked a full week since you got back from Oahu. He's sick of the excuses and bullshit."

"I'll go to work tomorrow." She told him as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair.

Luke chuckled. "No can do."

"Luke…"

"Beca, you're going to work today. Now finish up in the shower so you can eat and get dressed. I'll drive you."

Beca realized that she wasn't going to be able to continue to hide behind her excuses anymore. She had to put her big girl panties on and deal with the ramifications of her actions. She knew she was now in a funk for the sake of being in a funk rather than this being about Jesse. As Luke continued to talk to her, she knew he was calling her out on her shit rather than berating her for acting like a dick. She took a deep breath as she turned off the water and opened the shower door. Luke held an open towel out to her and wrapped her up in it.

"I'll be outside with your lunch and fresh clothes when you're ready." He said, backing out of the door. Reaching into her closet, he choose a simple pair of black pants and polo shirt that he thought would be appropriate. He was about to pull the shirt off the hanger when an arm snaked past his.

"Dude, I'm not going to Church." Beca said as she reached for an electric blue, v-neck shirt that she knew showed off her best assets well. She grinned at him as he shook his head playfully, just pleased to see a little bit of his friend returning.

As promised, Luke took her to work an hour later and waited in her office while Sawyer ripped her up one side and down the other. He wanted to hear what Sawyer had to say so braved running the gauntlet of Kimmy Jin and Lilly to have a sit and spin on Beca's office chair while he went through a few messages from Flo.

 _"Mr. Luke, I'm just checking, are you ok?"  
_ " _Yes Flo, I'm fine but I need you to email me the two files on my desk."  
_ " _The Italians have arrived and have taken me hostage."  
_ " _Flo, your arse had better be in that seat when I get back to the office."  
_ " _Mr. Luke, if they find my body in a deep ravine, all broken and bloodied beyond recognition, you should know I have a tattoo of your face on my ass."  
_ " _What the blazes Flo?"  
_ " _Well, it's not actually your face, it's a hamburger."  
_ " _What? I look like a hamburger? I'm confused."  
_ " _As you should be. You are not going to be 22 forever you know?"  
_ " _Flo. We need to talk."  
_ " _I am to be silenced by the Mob."  
_ " _Do you need to take the rest of the day off?"  
_ " _Headless chickens Mr. Luke."  
_ " _Flo, focus. Email me the files."  
_ " _Your shoes are made of cheese Mr. Luke."  
_ " _Cheese, what?"  
_ " _What cheese did the Mob use to hide the horse Mr. Luke?"  
_ " _I don't understand?"  
_ " _Mascarpone."  
_ " _Huh?"  
_ " _Mask a pony."  
_ " _I'm signing off now Flo. Email the files to me."  
_ " _What music does cheese listen to Mr. Luke? R and Brie."  
_ " _Mr. Luke? Are you there?"  
_ " _Mr. Luke?"  
_ " _Oh no! Did the mob get to you Mr. Luke? I gave them your address."  
_ "Goodbye _Mr. Luke, I already lived longer than I expected."_

 **o~O~o**

Meanwhile, Beca knocked on Sawyer's open door before walking in. "Hey, I heard you needed to see me." She said shyly.

"WOW! It lives!" Sawyer said jokingly, a joke Beca didn't seem to care for but managed to keep the eye rolling to herself. "Have a seat." He said motioning to the chair opposite him.

"What's up?" She asked.

"What's up?" Sawyer repeated. "Do you really have to ask? The best damn producer in LA is on my payroll and yet, I haven't seen her for days and all her assistants will tell me is that she's off making memories or something equally stupid. Care to explain?"

Beca looked down at her fingers. She was actually quite embarrassed to admit that she didn't have it all together. "I've been going through some... personal stuff."

"That's painfully obvious. Are you ok?"

"I've had better weeks."

"Wanna tell me something I don't already know?"

Beca sat in silence. There was nothing else she wanted to share with her boss at the moment. If she did, the lines between personal and professional would be blurred and right now, she just wanted to get her head down and get back in the game.

"Ok, you don't want to talk that's fine, but you're damn well gonna listen. First, you should know that my patience is like a toddler in a tiara… precious and short." Sawyer said as he sat up and steepled his fingers; the flash of an idea running across his face. Beca watched as he developed his plan.

"What am I listening to?" Beca asked as the uncomfortable silence filled the room for longer than was necessary.

"I'm thinking that perhaps you need to give Mr. Bucking Bronco a call?"

"Who?" Beca asked unsure of who or what her boss was talking about.

"Wow, you don't even know his name?"

"Sawyer, what are you tal-"

"-The young man who… uhh... gave you a _lift_ in the elevator." Sawyer said and gulped down a smirk.

"What the hell?"

"Norman, Head of Security, was all for selling copies on the internet. You gave them quite the show that day. The audio was spec...tac...ular!"

"Sawyer!" Beca said, sitting up right as the memory of her last day in the office before leaving for Oahu flooded into her brain. "You are such a pig!"

"Judging by the way he was grunting, I'd say he was the pig."

"You're disgusting!"

"What's disgusting is that he only lasted thirty one seconds." Sawyer remarked, winking at Beca. "You deserve so much better than that."

"Yeah, well… if memory serves he lasted a little longer than that."

"Then perhaps you should give him a call? He might be the one to put a smile back on that pretty face of yours."

"I highly doubt that." Beca said, beginning to shut down in front of her boss.

"Ah." Sawyer answered in response to Beca looking at the floor. He leaned forward in his chair and lowered his voice. "I can arrange to have him killed you know."

"Erm, Sawyer?"

"Ok, maybe not. But we both know that Lilly could. She _knows_ people." Sawyer deadpanned.

"Am I in trouble?"

"Nah." Sawyer laughed out. "I was kidding about Norman... well, sorta." He winked at her. "So, what are we going to do with you?"

"Nothing, I'm gonna get my head down and-"

"-I'm sending you on a retreat."

"A what? Wait, why?"

"A retreat. You and your entire team." Sawyer told her. "You're gonna learn to work as a team again. The past few weeks have been total bullshit and you know it. Your team has the potential to be the best in the industry but they can only be as great as their leader. And right now, you are as much use as a limp noodle."

"Sawy-"

"-No Beca. I'm tired of you _not_ showing up for work or when you do decide to grace us with your presence, you leave early or hide. I'm tired of Kimmy Jin's incessant bitching and icy glares. I'm tired of Lilly's mumbling and weirdness and I'm really tired of Amy's unprofessional, ill timed jokes and inappropriate touching."

Beca gave him a weird look. "Inappropriate touching?"

"Yes. Amy came into my office the other day and touched my goose. She touched my golden goose Beca. It's rude. She can't just enter a man's office and touch his damn goose."

Beca was amazed that he was actually able to talk about something as ridiculous as Amy inappropriately touching his golden goose with a straight face. Beca looked around the office and saw the prized goose Sawyer was referring to. It looked fine but then again what did she know. "Ok, so maybe she shouldn't have _swanned_ in and touched your… goose" Beca said trying to swallow a giggle, "I'll talk to her about it, but seriously, is a retreat really necessary?"

"Beca… either you go on this retreat or you pack your stuff. It's that simple. Any questions?" He said handing her a folder full of information about the retreat. Beca shook her head. "You're scheduled to leave tomorrow at 6am."

"Fine!" She huffed as she collected the folder. "Anything else?"

"It's been over three months since you brought anyone new on board? What's up with that?"

"That's not true. I signed... wait, I've forgotten the name."

"It was The Treblemakers, some weird college group that you said were the next big thing."

"No, wait, that can't be, that was months ago... oh." Beca said, thinking back.

"Exactly. Listen, I've got bosses to answer to as well."

"What do you mean?" Beca said, as she looked down at the paperwork in her hands.

"Need you to come up with the goods Mitchell." Sawyer said, shooting a glance down her shirt.

"Um, Sawyer?"

"You need to get some asses in the seats. Names in the books. Meat on the bones. Flower he-"

"-Got it!"

"No, seriously Beca. You've got two weeks."

"Before?"

"You're out."

"Beca out?"

"Yep."

"And you want me to waste time on a retreat?"

"Your team needs to reconnect. You need to find your sound again."

"Our sound?" Beca questioned. "We're not a band."

"Ok, fine you're right… but you do need to find a workable rhythm, some positive chi, feng shu-"

"-Ok, ok, ok…"

"You need to sign someone. Or that's it."

Beca nodded, unable to say anything as her contract was to fulfil a quota in a reasonable time. She held the retreat folder tightly in her hand and mock saluted Sawyer before walking out.

 **o~O~o**

As promised, Luke was waiting in her office. While he fully expected her to be pissy when she got back, what he didn't expect was for her to fuming mad.

"Hey. How'd it go?" He asked gently, ignoring the last few messages from Flo on his phone.

"Basically, I was told that I need pull my head out of my ass because apparently my asshole is _not_ a necklace."

"Nice!" Luke said, trying to stifle a laugh because the mental jpeg Beca had just painted was funny as fuck.

"If I don't sign a new act soon, I'm gonna be out of work too. Got any positions at Universal?" Since Luke was sitting in her chair, she sat on the opposite side of her desk. She tossed the folder across the desk. "And apparently, I'm going out of town tomorrow."

"What? Why?"

"My team and I are being sent on a team building retreat." Beca pouted. "I really don't have time for this shit but I don't have a fucking choice. It's either go on the retreat or pack my shit and get the fuck out."

"Team building huh?" Luke asked looking through the contents of the folder. "Do you think I could send Flo with you?"

"I don't see why not. If I'm going to spend the next couple of days surrounded by weirdos, what's one more, right?" Beca snarked. "I'll text Sawyer later on and tell him. Will _you_ be joining us too?"

"What time do _you_ leave tomorrow?"

"6 fucking o'clock in the morning!"

"Ok, wow! That's brutally early."

"Three days and two nights with a bunch of weirdos. This should be great!" Beca said rolling her eyes.

"Don't knock it til you try it." Luke told her playfully. "Where's everyone meeting up?"

"I was gonna tell the girls to come to my house tonight that way Bernie only has to make one stop in the morning." Beca told him. "She's more than welcome to join us tonight or in the morning."

"For Flo's safety as well as everyone else's, I should probably blindfold her and deliver her directly to you so she doesn't know where you live and won't be able to steal your chickens."

"What the fuck dude?"

"Don't question it. Just embrace it."


	10. Chapter 10: Lost and Lonely

**A/N: I am _SO_ sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. It's been a wild and crazy couple of weeks and I'm _SO_ far behind. I promise to get back on track and update again soon. **

**Corinne, I couldn't do this without your constant love and support. When I'm ready to give up and throw in the towel, you're always right there with the swift kick in the ass that I need to help me get back on track. You are an amazing friend and I'm not quite sure what I did in life to deserve you but I'll spend the rest of my life showing how much I love and appreciate you. You are amazing! Don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't. If they do, I'm taking the earrings off! LOL**

* * *

 **o~O~o**

 **Chapter 10**

 **o~O~o**

Jesse sat under the shade of a large, rusty canopy in an abandoned gas station in Topanga Beach, picking up a couple of loose stones and rolling them around in his fingers before tossing them aside. He'd spent a few hours hitting a couple of discarded cans with the small rocks before boredom really began to set in and the metallic tang of the cans started to annoy him.

Unzipping the side pocket of his duffle bag, he pulled out the small bottle of water that he'd been carrying for a day or so. As he shook the bottle, the plastic crinkled and made a noise that he hated. There was only about a mouthful of water left and he grimaced as he tipped the liquid into his mouth; he hated drinking warm water. He had never experienced thirst like he did that hot day in early August.

The sun was high in the sky and the temperatures were beginning to melt the asphalt as Jesse sought some refuge in the little bit of shade he could find. He walked most of the way down the I-27 having failed in his initial quest to hitchhike to San Francisco to begin a new life as far away from Beca as possible. He got as far as Santa Monica before he had a run of bad luck. One night while he slept on the beach after drinking several shots of whiskey, he was hit over the head and robbed for what little cash he had left. He couldn't afford to go to the hospital, despite waking up the next morning to a congealed bloody mess of matted hair and a headache that rivaled any hangover.

He felt sick for about three days after the attack and hid around the back of an old mechanic's shop for several days, taking refuge under several tarps he found in the dumpster. He'd rinsed the cut on his head in between him retching what little contents he had left in his stomach and muttering to himself that this was all Beca's fault. He vowed that if he survived the head wound that really should have been stitched, he would find a way to get back at the girl he swore he loved. In between extreme fits of rage, he'd had moments of lucidity and it was then that he decided that it might be best to head back to Malibu to find Casey, regain some strength and focus on seeking his revenge.

Jesse was constantly hungry. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a decent meal, but thought that it was probably when he was at Claim Jumper the day before Beca had flown out to Oahu. It almost seemed as if he'd been on a some type of parallel universe; a time when he'd had freshly laundered clothes, clean hair and food in his belly. The memory of the steak dinner had his mouth watering within seconds but he didn't allow himself to dwell too long on the thoughts of food. His stomach growled angrily and he was instantly transported back to Beca's kitchen with the fridge full of home cooked meals, tall jars of snacks, candy and ice cold drinks to enjoy. Jesse shook his head, he couldn't think about that anymore. It wasn't helping his situation at all.

Jesse watched as a small lizard ran out of the shade in front of him and into the light. He stared at the little greenish brown reptile as it bristled in the heat of the mid day sun before seemingly deciding it was too hot to bother walking across the blistering concrete and fled under an upturned bucket. Jesse checked his watch and noted that the worst part of the day was over and decided to continue his journey back to Malibu where hopefully Casey and his flavor of the month would be willing to let his sorry ass couch surf for a few nights before he decided what he was going to do.

His kidneys were aching as he stood up, picking up the large duffle bag and his worn guitar case by his feet at the same time. Swinging the bag onto his shoulder, he knew he _had_ to find something cool to drink; his mouth watered at the thought of a whiskey on the rocks. He felt slightly giddy as he walked into the sunshine and towards the road that would take him back to where he knew.

Not one car had stopped to offer him a lift, despite him walking with his thumb out for most of the trek. Internally at the beginning, with every step he took, he'd become angrier and angrier at Beca and the way she treated him and wasted no time in blaming her for his predicament.

His thoughts ran from disbelief at her standing up for herself; " _ **I can't believe it, Beca kicked me out. I didn't know she had it in her."**_ , to anger; " _ **That bitch is gonna pay for the way she treated me!"**_ , to reflection in the dead of night; " _ **she kicked me out over a couple of stupid little parties... I guess that was kinda expected, I did fuck up her house.**_ ", to worry when he ran out of money and no where to go; " _ **what the fuck am I supposed to do now?"**_ , and back to anger as the sun blistered his face and he'd fallen more than once; " _ **she kicked me out without asking what my side of the story was. She. Kicked. Me. Out. The. Fucking. Bitch"**_

Most of the time, he didn't really think about anything other than the girl who had destroyed his cushy lifestyle. He envisioned turning up at Beca's house and burning it to the ground, just so she'd _really_ have something to bitch and complain about. He thought about emailing her parents, Luke and Sawyer with some pretty racy pictures he had of her, taken without her knowledge during a particularly hardcore sex session. He even thought about loosening the brakes on her car; he knew how to make it look like an accident. With each passing mile, his list of murderous thoughts grew until he began to forget what _he_ had done to warrant her kicking him out in the first place.

Whenever he could on his journey back to Malibu from San Diego, Jesse walked on the sandy beaches and took off his shoes. The soles of his shoes were cracked and peeling away but it was all he had to last him until he figured out his next move. He'd had spare shoes in his bag but that was something that went missing the day he was robbed. He needed to feel something other than his slimy, sweaty socks on his feet and took comfort in the cool sand between his toes as he walked along the water's edge. He had a few moments of reflection as he looked over his shoulder and saw his footprints laid out behind him, only to watch them disappear as the waves covered his tracks. He felt, for the first time in many years, very lost and alone as if he had no past or purpose.

He waded knee deep into the water, despite the red flags flying, just to cool down. He splashed the water up his arms before using it to clean his face. The saltwater seemed to calm his sunburn and ease the tension in his ankles even if only for a few short minutes. He had to force himself not to drink the water but he hoped by cooling his skin down, he'd feel better.

He didn't.

Drying off in the sweltering afternoon sun, on a day when his whole body ached with thirst and hunger, he spun around when he heard two boys playing in the sand not too far from where he was leaning on his duffle. For a fleeting moment, he thought they were Jonah and Colby and his heart leapt a little in his chest, but on closer inspection, he could see that they were far too young to have been his brothers. He watched them play for a while until their mother walked over to them and handed the eldest boy some money to go and get some ice cream from a nearby food truck. Judging by their reaction, this was definitely a real treat; Jesse smiled as they cheered excitedly.

Not wanting to witness anyone eating anything near him, he quickly dressed and gathered up his belongings, dusting the sand off of everything with vigor. Glancing over to where the young boys had been, Jesse saw that they had dropped some cash in their eagerness to pull on tee shirts and get to the ice cream truck. Striding over, he bent down to pick up the money and on closer inspection, he quickly counted twelve dollars. He looked up to see where the kids were and just opened his mouth to call to them when he spied a beach bar about two hundred yards ahead. Without so much as a second thought, he pocketed the money and hightailed it in the direction of the bar; he hadn't been able to afford to have a drink in weeks.

He reached the bar as quickly as his aching feet could get him there and, despite the fridges being full of icy cold, refreshing and thirst quenching water, he asked for two bottles of beer and a whiskey chaser. He dropped the thirty four cents change in the tip jar and threw the shot back quickly. He welcomed its familiar burn as it slid down.

He heard a child crying to his right but was too busy guzzling down the first bottle of beer to care that it was the child whose money he had just spent. Walking along the beach, sipping on the second beer, he felt a slight twinge of regret as he looked back and saw both boys and their mother frantically searching in and around the sand dunes for the money with the younger boy pawing at his mother while he pointed at the ice cream truck and she shook her head.

As he tossed the empty bottles into the trash, he realized that he should have used the money for something more practical like a couple of cheap gas station sandwiches and a few bottles of water, but the craving for liquor far outweighed the sensible need to eat. He knew it wouldn't be long before he was paying for his poor decision as the ache in his back suggested he should have sipped on water to give his body a chance to feel better.

Walking away from the beach, Jesse soon took up residence on the only empty bench he could find that wasn't being used by old people, covered in bird shit or taken by another bum. He kicked his shoes off again and stared out at the ocean as he stretched then rubbed his aching back. He wasn't sure how much longer he could continue living this way, he knew it wasn't healthy and the cough he developed at the beginning of the week was now starting to sit on his chest at night. His skin was sore and blistered from the sun and he'd started tying a bandana around his head to do what he could to protect it. The hotter it got and the thirstier and hungrier he became, the more he silently wondered if he should simply tuck his tail between his legs and apologize to Beca so they could go back to the way things were, but in order to do that, he needed to find a place to charge his dead phone. He didn't think _just_ turning up at her house was a good idea, especially since Luke would probably be around so calling her seemed to be the safest option. The worst thing she could do would be to hang up on him and if she did, he could always leave a message.

He still had minutes, so that wasn't a problem, but power definitely had run out several days before. He vowed to look for someplace to charge his phone and attempt to contact Beca and apologize as soon as he could… maybe she'd let him go back home if he did. ' _Oh who am I kidding?'_ he thought to himself, knowing that Beca was always very understanding and accommodating but apparently even she had a breaking point and he had managed to find it. He knew she'd be mad about the parties and the drugs, but he thought they'd talk about it and move on like _every_ other time they'd argued in the past. He couldn't have been more wrong.

Jesse watched as happy families enjoyed the beach, the sunshine and the salty sea air. The sounds of everyone having fun was almost too much to deal with but he forced himself to watch. He was beginning to regret taking the call from Casey all those weeks ago and, while he thought he'd have a stronger resolve than he did when it came to parties and drinking, he really wished his brother had found somewhere else to have the shindig. Jesse was angry at all that he had lost; a comfortable place to sleep, hot food to enjoy and most of all, a beautiful girl to cuddle up with at night.

Almost immediately, he felt a pang of anger course through him. He couldn't understand how Beca had just let him go the way she did. It was, after all, _just_ a party and he could have cleaned it up if she'd given him the chance. But no, she'd booted him out and that infuriated him. He'd waited down the road for a little while to see if she'd call him; he was after all, as Beca said ' _the best thing to come into her life for a while'_ so he was expecting her to call him begging for him to come back.

He actually waited about twenty minutes and was thinking about walking back up the hill to her house when he'd seen Luke's car speed past, faster than he'd seen anyone drive up the road before. Jesse watched as Luke pulled up to the gates and jump out of the car with the engine running. He'd felt a burning rage that Beca had called Luke and not him and was so disgusted that he'd picked up the belongings he'd taken from the house and walked away. He should have fought, instead he left like an angry coward.

Looking back, as he sat on the bench in the sun, he knew he shouldn't have been angry at her for that. Beca had needed someone who she knew would have come immediately and that someone wasn't Jesse. He should have guessed that she'd called her oldest friend instead of her boyfriend, if that's still what he was. He was kinda glad she didn't call her parents as he was sure that if her dad had seen him hiding in the bushes, there would have been hell to pay.

Sitting for another hour or so on the bench by the ocean, Jesse watched everyone begin to pick up their belongings and leave the beach. He really needed a shower, some clean clothes and a decent meal but he simply couldn't be bothered to move. He began to think about where he'd be in life if he'd had a better start and as his thoughts drifted to Bambi and his grandmother, he felt hot tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. He was brought back to the rickety old house he grew up in as he started singing of few lines of a song his Granny sang to him.

 ** _"I saw a boat go 'round the bend  
loaded down with Chinamen  
Goodbye my lover goodbye"_**

He desperately tried to remember the rest of the words but they wouldn't come back to him. He did, however, remember his Granny's voice and the sweet expression she had on her face when she sang to them.

He was angry and ashamed of his humble beginnings but he soon realized he was also insanely jealous of everything Beca had growing up and still had now. He hated her for her opulent lifestyle but loved her for being so willing to share it with him. He had so many conflicting thoughts about her. His mind began to wander over an idea for a new song. He unzipped the front of his bag and rooted around for some paper and a pen. Coming up empty, he reached for his phone before he remembered that it was dead and useless as a recording device.

Stretching out on the bench, he knocked over his guitar which landed with a loud clatter on the sand. As he bent down to pick it up, he felt inspired to pluck at the strings and add some chords to his lyric ideas. As the sun began to set, he closed his eyes and poured his heart and soul into a new song, holding onto the hope that one day his luck would change and he'd be able to get it recorded. He saw Beca's face as he slowly sung out the words that slipped easily from his lips.

 ** _"Livin' my life in a slow hell  
Different girl every night at the hotel  
I ain't seen the sun shine in 3 damn days  
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky  
Wish I had a good girl to miss me  
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways  
I put your picture away  
Sat down and cried today  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her  
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today  
I can't look at you, while I'm lyin next to her_**

 ** _I called you last night in the hotel  
Everyone knows but they won't tell  
But their half hearted smiles tell me  
Somethin' just ain't right  
I been waitin' on you for a long time  
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine  
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights  
I put your picture away  
I wonder where you been  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him  
I put your picture away  
I wonder where you been  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him_**

 ** _I saw ya yesterday with an old friend_**

 ** _It was the same ole same "how have you been"_**

 ** _Since you been gone my worlds been dark & grey_**

 ** _You reminded me of brighter days_**

 ** _I hoped you were comin' home to stay  
I was headed to church_**

 ** _I was off to drink you away_**

 ** _I thought about you for a long time  
Can't seem to get you off my mind  
I can't understand why we're living life this way  
I found your picture today  
I swear I'll change my ways  
I just called to say I want you to come back home  
I found your picture today  
I swear I'll change my ways  
I just called to say I want you to come back home  
I just called to say, I love you come back home"_**

He imagined Beca singing some of the lyrics to him and as he finished the last few notes and strummed the last chord on his guitar, he opened his eyes to see a small group of people sitting on the beach listening to him. He looked slightly embarrassed as he glanced down and saw money in the guitar case by his feet.

What made it worse was that he watched as the mother of the two small boys, who he'd taken the ice cream money from, had emptied her change purse into the case. Jesse gulped down a feeling of remorse. With a heavy heart he thanked the crowd with a small wave and hurried to put his guitar back in the case. He could hear a few people commenting that he was good enough to be a recording artist and had to force himself not to snarl at them. He was angry at Beca for not giving him a contract despite her not being allowed to, as she'd taken him into her bed and her heart, that fateful night.

The money was staring at him in the face and he realized it was enough for him to buy a simple and inexpensive hot meal, or some insoles for his shoes. Part of him was thinking that he should give the money back to the two boys to buy an ice cream. He looked up at their little faces but figured his need was greater than theirs. Pocketing the money, he calculated he had enough for at least a bottle of beer and a whiskey chaser and almost salivating at the thought, he made up his mind that that was what he was going to do.

Leaving his spot on the beach, he walked along the road for two miles before the stone in his shoe became too stubborn to ignore. Leaning his bag and guitar case up against the wall, he kicked off his shoe to find it was a short, stubby nail embedded in the sole. Checking the bottom of his foot, he saw that it had pierced the skin. Not knowing, and if he was honest, not even caring when his last tetanus shot was, Jesse sat for a moment or two, massaging his foot to ease the ache.

"Jesse, is that you?"

"Who said that?" Jesse said, his head snapping up to look around him at the mostly deserted highway, except for a few cars traveling up and down.

"Come home with me."

"What, wait?" He said, standing up and looking all around him.

"I'll even let you fuck me against the-"

"-Who is that?" Jesse snapped, rubbing at his eyes.

"It's me... Beca." The voice sounded so clear in Jesse's ear that he could have sworn she was standing right next to him.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"I'm here to take you home. I heard you sing and realized I was wrong. Come home with me and I'll cook your favorite meal and we'll spend the night making up for lost time."

"Where are you?"

"Open you eyes Jess. I'm. Right. Here." Beca purred.

Jesse finished rubbing at his eyes and snapped them open, looking forward and stared, slightly blurrily, into Beca's face. He jumped a little in surprise. She looked stunning in a simple yellow sun dress that hugged her figure in all the right places, she had a light dusting of makeup on and her hair was loose and bouncy around her shoulders. Jesse thought she'd never looked better with her almost ethereal glow about her.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her as she smiled sweetly at him.

"Give me your money, or you take a knife to the gut." Beca said, winking seductively.

"Huh?" Jesse said. "I don't have any money."

"Fuck you loser! Gimme the guitar." The voice snarled, sounding deeper and less collected.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Beca? What's going on?" Jesse asked, extremely confused.

"My name's _not_ Beca." A male voice said with a wicked laugh. "It's Reggie. I'm Reggie."

"Dumbass thinks we're some chick." Another male voice said.

"I don't understand." Jesse said, beginning to feel the sweat collect on his forehead.

"Who's Beca?"

Jesse began to question his sanity as he looked into the face of his ex-girlfriend, smiling sweetly in front of him. Her eyes were shining brightly, she looked shower fresh and very put together; the complete opposite of him.

He didn't feel the first blow to his head as it came from behind. He didn't feel the second blow or the third. By the time the fourth punch had caught his temple, he was on his knees on the ground and feeling quite sick. A short, sharp kick to the gut had him retching immediately and the knee in his back had him wondering just what exactly he's done to warrant such violence.

Jesse thought for sure that he'd heard Beca and that she was back for him. Was he seeing things? Was he hearing things? He swore he heard her voice. He struggled to open his eyes. Everything hurt as he tried to push himself up but fell back to the ground. He watched as the two guys rummaged through his duffel bag, taking the few things he had left. As he lowered his head back to the ground, his eyes closed and everything faded to black.

Coming to a couple of hours later, he found himself partially lying under a broken bench with his wrist tied to the concrete support with a cable tie. Using his free hand, he wiped the back of his mouth, tasting the metallic, copper flavor of blood in his mouth. Twisting his bone dry tongue, he immediately felt a loose tooth and a fiery ache in his jaw that suggested that his jaw was either dislocated or a broken.

Groaning loudly, he tried to sit up and felt queasy straight away. It was almost dark and there were a few people milling about, either heading home from the beach covered in smiles and sand, or dressed in evening wear that suggested they were out for dinner. There was a few joggers that dodged the couples walking hand in hand and a couple of young teenagers on bikes and skateboards. Not one of them seemed to notice Jesse, lying broken and bruised on the ground.

He felt numb.

He pulled at his wrist and realized he had no way to release himself. He looked around for his belongings and felt a rush of anger when the noticed his beloved guitar was missing. He'd treasured the instrument since he was a boy and it was his most prized possession. At one point, Beca offered to buy him a new one but he insisted that liked the one he had. So instead of replacing the well worn guitar, she got the bridge, bridge pins, frets and tuning pegs replaced, then had it restrung and tuned for him, so it was like brand new… and now, it was gone. He saw his duffle bag and, using his foot, dragged his bag towards him. The stench of urine immediately hit him but he was now passed caring that someone had taken a piss in his bag. Rooting through his bag, with his free hand, he couldn't find anything to use to free himself and with the pain in his jaw, he knew he wouldn't be able to bite through the thick plastic.

The familiar sound of a cop car went whizzing by and Jesse cast a swollen eye towards the Crown Vic as it rumbled past him. Thinking nothing of it, he was surprised when it stopped not far from him, and watched as it reversed backwards before the window rolled down and a flashlight was shone into his face.

"Come on buddy. Move along. This is no place for you." A firm but kind voice called out and Jesse waved him away, closing his eyes in pain. He heard the door open and the sound of boots approaching him but he simply couldn't be bothered to worry anymore. It had been five weeks since his last run in with the law and he felt a pang of regret run through him as he realized he'd missed his court appearance from the night he'd held the first party at Beca's.

"This is Officer Yates." The cop said calling in his location over the two-way radio. "Send EMS to PCH and Topanga Beach Road, near the Lifeguard station."

Jesse looked up at the sound of a voice he thought he recognized, thinking he was hearing things, or maybe he was just hallucinating again. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out other than a strangled gasp.

"It's all right buddy. Hang in there. Help is on the way." the officer said, crouching down on his knees but keeping his hand resting lightly on his holstered gun. He looked at, who he thought was just another vagrant sleeping off a drinking binge. "Can you tell me your name?"

Jesse shook his head and indicated towards his wrist.

"EMS is on the way." Officer Yates said, looking back towards the squad car as he heard his name being called. He heard the static from the radio in the car.

"We gotta go man!" The senior officer inside the car yelled. "Leave the bum and come on. We got a 10-57 on Palisades!"

"Not yet!" He called back.

The officer stood up and looked down at Jesse before bending again and unclipping the small knife he carried on his belt. He cut the tie around Jesse's wrist and watched as Jesse's face contorted in pain. He'd been on the streets for less than three months and had worked in a couple of rough areas but this was the worst beating he'd ever seen. Hearing the sirens in the distance, he spoke again.

"I think you've got a broken wrist. I truly hope you get fixed up."

Jesse nodded slowly, the pain registering effectively in his brain. He felt the blackness start to envelope him again as the sirens got louder. He laid his head against the wooden part of the bench and closed his eyes, not caring if he ever opened them again.

He woke up two days later in West Hills Hospital.

A kind nurse stepped forward and patted him on the shoulder as he tried to turn over in bed. He couldn't figure out where he was at first and ran his finger over the cool sheets that he'd missed so much. They weren't the high thread count Egyptian cotton sheets that Beca had but anything soft was a Godsend after sand, gravel and mud.

"Take it easy sir." She said, pressing the call button on the panel above his head. "Do you know where you are?"

Jesse shook his head and looked all around him before he fixed his gaze on the nurse, hoping she'd be able to shed some light on what was going on.

"I understand this must be confusing for you. I'll call the doctor to come and talk to you." The nurse said and Jesse nodded, regretting the movement immediately. He didn't have to wait long before a bearded and bespectacled man approached the end of his bed. He picked up the chart hanging on the end of the bed and quickly scanned the charts to familiarize himself with the patient in front of him.

"I'm Doctor McGee, one of the on call trauma doctors here. You were brought in two nights ago. How are you feeling?" The doctor asked and waited while Jesse croaked out a simple ' _ok_ '. The doctor pulled a small flashlight from his breast pocket and turned it on. Stepping up to Jesse's side, he motioned that he wanted to check him over, shining the light in his eyes and checking his pupils. "You have experienced a severe concussion which I'm afraid to say will be a healthy reminder for the next six months. There's no swelling so you shouldn't have any memory issues. Are you able to recall the night of the attack?"

Jesse nodded.

"Good. Well, your wrist was broken in two places so we've had to put a pin to hold it in place while it heals. From the state of your fingers, it looks like you play a string instrument so I'm afraid that it could be a few months before you're able to pick up a guitar again. Your jaw was dislocated which we've popped back in place and despite a terrible ache, you'll feel better in a few days. You've got a few loose teeth and have severe bruising to your back, stomach and a couple of internal organs. You're severely dehydrated and showing early signs of malnutrition."

Again, Jesse nodded, indicating that he understood what the doctor was telling him.

"Tests show signs of elevated kidney function, which can come from an electrolyte imbalance or dehydration. There was blood in your urine but that's probably from the trauma of the attack. You also have some pretty significant liver damage, inflammation and enlargement, and your liver cells are showing signs of damage. If I had to take a guess, I'd say you haven't been looking after yourself lately. We've had you on high levels of IV fluids and the saline has done you a lot of good so far but I'd like to keep you in for a few days on the drip to keep an eye on you. With a few days rest, you should soon start to feel better. Now... I've got a young police officer outside who is here to talk to you about the incident and my hospital administrator will need your insurance details and it would be nice to know your name. When you're feeling more yourself, we'll discuss your general well being. Am I okay to send in the officer?"

Jesse, desperately trying to take in everything that was going on, shook his head. The last thing he needed was for the hospital to know he had no insurance and a criminal record.

"We couldn't find a wallet or a phone, which is often the case in a robbery. Is there anyone who can we call for you?"

Jesse thought for a moment and wondered if Casey would come and get him. The only trouble was he didn't know his brothers number by heart. And he couldn't for the life of him remember the name of the chick who he had shacked up with four weeks ago. Knowing Casey, it probably wasn't the same girl he was with now. He hadn't been in contact with any of the other band members since the night of the first party as they'd been pretty pissed off about being carted off in the back of a meat wagon to the police station.

There was only one other person Jesse knew would be able to help him.

"Beca. Beca Mitchell."

"Do you know her number?" The doctor asked and Jesse shook his head. "An address?"

Jesse wasn't sure if he wanted to give that out as he'd lived with her and didn't want the police catching up with him a few weeks down the line or for her to get in any sort of trouble on his behalf. He shook his head.

"She works at Warner Records." He said simply and the doctor patted his leg before hanging the chart back up on the end of his bed. He turned as a discreet knock on the door signaled he was needed elsewhere.

"We'll start there then." Doctor McGee said before leaving the room. "I'll give you a few hours to feel better so don't worry about the police officer just yet."

"Thanks." Jesse mumbled.

Leaning back onto the pillows, he could hear the doctor in the hallway speaking to the cop and Jesse knew it had to be the same cop that found him on the beach. Then he heard the doctor speak with someone he guessed to be the administrator judging by the way the conversation went. He knew he needed to get out of there before they caught onto him.

He had no idea where his clothes were as he was _just_ wearing a thin cotton, hospital issued nightgown. Looking round the room, he spied a tall closet in the corner and slowly got out of bed to go and check it out, taking the drip attached to his arm with him. His luck was in as he found his duffle and a marginally clean pair of shorts and a freshly laundered tee shirt hanging up. He smiled at the Good Samaritan who'd washed his belongings and cleaned out his bag for him.

Realizing he was desperate to use the restroom, he crossed the small room to the en suite facilities and caught sight of himself in the mirror in there. Wincing slightly in anticipation, he was pleased to see that he didn't look as bad as he first feared. His face was beginning to turn an interesting shade of purple and the welt on his jaw was as dark as the night sky.

Finishing up, he rinsed his hands under the faucet, careful not to get the plaster cast on his arm wet. He was amazed at how easy water was to come by when you weren't living on the streets. Figuring out that he needed to leave before the cops and the administrator caught up to him, he took a minute to hatch a plan. Sitting on the edge of his bed for a moment to collect his thoughts, he heard a knock at the door.

"Excuse me sir, we got in touch with your contact at Warner but she hadn't heard of anyone matching your description. Is there anyone else we can contact?"

"No." Jesse sighed. "There is no one else."

Jesse waited for the nurse to leave and close the door behind her before he pulled the IV out of his arm. Wincing a little at the sharp pain, he walked as quickly as he could to the closet and pulled out his duffle. Slipping on his shorts and clean tee shirt, he rooted around finding a pair of gently used flip flops that the good samaritan who washed his clothes must have put in there. Knowing he had no other option but to leave, he scooped up the bag over his shoulder and headed for the door. Looking out into the corridor he saw the cop sitting on a chair a couple of doors down. Withdrawing his head back into the room, he quietly closed the door behind him and the locked turned in the door. He walked over to the window and was relieved to see his window had an emergency fire escape. Tossing his bag out first, he ignored the pain in his wrist, his back and his head as he stuck a foot over the windowsill and stepped out on the metal grate.

Holding on tightly, he began to scale the ladder to the ground. Hopping a little on the hot sidewalk, he began to walk away from the hospital towards the I-101, concluding he was about 8 miles from where he'd started. He'd gotten a mile before he realized he was never going to make the distance in flip flops.

He thought he'd felt low before but right now, with his wrist in a cast and an ache in his head that didn't remind him of a decent night out the evening before, he felt like he'd reached rock bottom. He looked around for a place to rest. He didn't feel like walking anymore and he knew he'd never get far in his current condition.

Jesse felt like giving up.

Walking for a while, he spied the familiar golden arches that signaled a McDonald's was there and knowing he could get some respite in the heat, he headed towards the building. Looking into one of the many trash cans that surrounded the area, he collected a discarded cup and wandered quietly and carefully into the restaurant. Looking around, he made sure no one had noticed him before quickly filling up the crumpled cardboard cup with more ice than was necessary and Dr. Pepper. He managed a small smile as he was reminded of the girl who had gotten him hooked on the fruity flavored carbonated drink.

Taking a seat, he laid his duffle bag on the seat next to him and sipped on the icy drink in his hand. He had no clue what he was going to do next. He had no where to go. And no one to call.

That's when he finally admitted that he fucked everything up.


	11. Chapter 11: Magic and Mayhem

**o~O~o**

 **Chapter 11**

 **Magic & Mayhem**

 **o~O~o**

"Good morning Miss Beca." Bernie said in a very chipper tone of voice as he opened the back door of the shiny black limo that was parked right outside the front door of her house.

It was way too early and far too dark for Beca's liking. And especially after the night they'd just had, she would have given her right arm for an extra hour in bed. Spending eight hours a day with Kimmy Jin, Lilly and Amy had not prepared her for the level of weirdness that had taken place in her house overnight.

And that was before Flo even showed up.

"Good morning Bernie." Beca said quietly, handing Bernie her small weekend bag before she slipped into the back seat, careful not to spill her hot coffee that had enough sugar in it to keep a small country high for a month. She settled herself into the seat, dropped her phone into her lap and set her purse on the floor next to her feet. She picked a small piece of lint from her shorts before leaning backwards into the soft and worn leather seats.

"Um, Miss Beca?"

"Yes?" She called out, sounding weary.

"Why is one of your friends handcuffed?"

"Believe me Bernie, it's safer this way. Trust me." Beca said, rubbing her temples.

She leaned forward and looked out of the door before calling out to the small group that was loitering by her front door, yawning widely. "Everyone. In. The Car. Now." She hissed through her teeth. "We're leaving… _with_ or _without_ you! And if I have to explain to Sawyer why one of you got left behind... trust me, there will be hell to pay. There is not enough booze or valium in the world to soften the blow or fix that shit, so... God help you."

 **o~O~o**

After leaving the Warner office building the night before, Luke dropped Beca off at home then went to pick up Flo from her small apartment on West Florence Street in Inglewood. Flo shared her home with the chicken that her brother tried selling her for, a Rabbi, a semi professional arm wrestler who still believed the Earth was flat, several pool noodles, an overexcited taco truck vendor and a chihuahua with chronic diarrhea.

Beca, knowing time was limited, had hurried upstairs to enjoy a long, hot shower before everyone arrived. She wasn't sure if hot showers were something the retreat offered as it looked like it was located in the middle of nowhere and it wasn't mentioned in the packet that Sawyer had given to her. She was completely screwed if there wasn't indoor plumbing. She could deal with lukewarm showers and even sleeping in a tent, but there was no way she was she copping a squat in a bush to take a piss. She wondered if there was time to fake an illness but seeing as she was such an horrible liar, she'd probably have invented some bubonic plague that only affected goats.

Wrapping herself in a fluffy, freshly laundered towel, she walked into her closet to gather several pairs of shorts and some t-shirts, a pair of jeans that she didn't mind if they got ruined and something to sleep in as well as socks, her old beat up Converse and her leather duffle bag. When she was satisfied that she'd packed enough clothes, she picked up the bag and walked into her room, dropping it on the bed.

She looked at the time on the clock next to the bed and realized that she didn't have much time before the girls started to arrived. Picking up the pace, she dug through her dresser drawer looking for sports bras and panties to pack as well as something to put on for the evening, she couldn't let Amy catch her in a towel because that never ended well.

Twenty minutes after stepping out of the shower and just as she walked back downstairs to fetch herself a cold beer from the fridge, the buzzer from her front gate rang. She walked over to look at the screen for the surveillance camera aimed at the driveway and gates and not recognizing the car or the man inside, she pushed the button and spoke into the speaker. He said he had a large order of Chinese food which Beca almost refused to accept until the delivery guy said, in his broken English, that it was ' _from Mr. Don O. Van'_. Beca quickly buzzed him in and waited at the front door. After accepting the delivery and sending the guy on his way, Beca pulled the cartons from the box, wondering how many people Luke thought she was having coming over.

Beca saw Amy arrive a couple of minutes later, sniffing the air from the driveway claiming, as she barrelled through the door, she could smell Kung Pao chicken, Sweet & Sour Shrimp, noodles and fried rice. Dropping her bags in the family room, she followed her nose straight to the kitchen. Beca had to beat Amy off the food and bribe her to wait with the promise of Ben and Jerry's Cake Batter and Karamel Sutra ice cream if she behaved herself. At the mention of her two favorite ice cream flavors, Amy happily went to bring her things to ' _the best'_ guest room before one of the other girls could claim it as theirs for the night.

Several minutes later, the next guest could be heard grumbling from the front doorstep. When Beca opened the door, she and Amy stood watching as Kimmy Jin dragged three suitcases from her taxi but nobody dared to question why she needed so much luggage. Amy whispered something about Jesse's dead body being in the largest of the three bags and Kimmy Jin offering it up as a ritual sacrifice. Seeing Beca visibly wince at his name, she changed the subject, knowing it was still too early to be making light of the situation. As retribution for mentioning Jesse's name within her earshot, Beca left Amy with Kimmy Jin in the kitchen, revelling slightly as beads of sweat formed on Amy's temple at the thought of being left alone with her nemesis.

Beca paced the family room as she texted Lilly to tell her that dinner had arrived. She told her that they were waiting for her to eat and asked how long she was going to be as she was struggling to keep Amy out of the cartons. After texting Lilly, she messaged Luke to complain once more about how her evening was already panning out. After waiting ten minutes, there was still no reply from either one, so Beca huffed loudly and returned to the kitchen. She was slightly shocked to find Lilly already sitting on one of the bar stools at the kitchen island knitting noodles together with a set of chopsticks.

"When? How did you get in here?" She asked, picking up and taking a long pull on the bottle of beer she'd left on the counter. Lilly looked at her wickedly and smiled. Beca looked suspiciously at the bottle of beer and spat the contents in the sink before chucking the bottle in the trash and getting a fresh, unopened one from the fridge. It wasn't that she didn't trust Lilly; she was just afraid of her!

"She came from platform nine and three quarters." Amy said motioning toward the fireplace in the family room with her thumb. She grinned at the confused look on Beca's face.

"Wait, what?" Beca asked, taking another chug of beer, mentally calculating how many bottles she had in the fridge as she had a feeling she was going to need a few to get through the evening.

"Floo Powder is on sale this week, right Hufflepuff? Let me guess, former Hogwarts student?" Amy asked Lilly. "And your letter was delivered by a messenger owl on your eleventh birthday? And you took the train to the -"

"- Aguamenti." Lilly whispered as she flicked her chopstick in Amy's direction. Lilly looked very pleased with herself as the end of the chopstick lit up slightly, sending out a dozen small sparks.

"What the fuck?!" Amy screeched as she looked down at her wet pants and the very large puddle of pee forming on the kitchen floor. "It's coming out like Fro Yo!"

"Really? Keep it in your pants maybe?!" Beca said, rolling her eyes and wondering what she had done to deserve this. To her knowledge, Sawyer had never sent anyone else on a retreat before so why her? Why now? "Get changed and bring down your wet things down and I'll put them through the washing machine. GO!"

Kimmy Jin watched in total disgust before she spat out, "This _entire_ ordeal is a real inconvenience Beca." She folded her arms across her chest and pouted.

"Guys, just cool it." Beca said, waving her arms around violently. She gestured at them in turn before she realized what she was doing. "Why am I using my hands so much?" She mumbled to herself. "Look, we're gonna try really hard to make the best out of a bad situation."

"Easy for you to say… you didn't just piss your pants." Amy said motioning with both hands to her lady bits before she started unzipping her pants. "Exhibit C."

"AMY! Don't you dare pull your pants down in my kitchen! No one needs to be exposed to muffgate. It's bad enough you pissed the damn floor like an excited puppy, let's not add insult to injury. Now get up stairs and get changed."

"Geez… Feisty much?!"

"I may be feisty but at least I'm not sporting pissy pants." Bec said, pointing to the stairs, "Upstairs… Now!"

Beca watched Amy hurry upstairs before she opened the small cleaning closet in the kitchen that held her cleaning supplies. She pulled out the mop and bucket and collected a bottle of bleach and cleaned up Amy's puddle. She silently cursed Sawyer and his stupid idea as she put everything away afterwards, although she couldn't quite fathom quite _how_ Lilly had made Amy pee herself but decided she didn't actually want to know.

It was just after seven when Luke walked in with Flo who, much to the delight of Amy, was wearing a thick black hood and a leopard print eye mask.

"I cannot be held responsible for what I see." Flo explained.

Luke pulled the black hood off Flo's head and introduced her to the Kimmy Jin and Lilly, who stared in wide-eyed wonder at the tiny human. "Flo, you'll have a great weekend with this bunch."

Flo looked at everyone staring at her, then turned to Luke who placed everything in his hands on the countertop, "Mr. Luke, _please_ don't make me go with them. They will sell me for camels."

"Flo... We don't have camels in Malibu."

"But Mr. Luke, I-"

"-Flo, you're going and that's that." He told her. "Now, go fix a plate and get to know the girls. This is like being in college and you gotta try something new. If, after an hour, you still don't want to be here; you still want to go off to Swingers Unlimited and be Ms. Diddle Jam, well then, you can quit the trip. And I will help you move your things to their office."

"Seriously Mr. Luke?"

"-Yes, seriously. But I really need to see it Flo. This is fun. Join in "

Flo muttered under her breath as she took her duffel bag and travel pillow from Luke. He watched with a huge grin as Flo sulked her way into the family room and dropped her bag. Amy came charging down the stairs, wet pants in hand to meet Flo. She waved her clothes in the direction of Luke who turned to Beca to ask what was going on.

"Umm… Bec, why is Amy carrying wet pants? Did she go in the pool already?"

Beca chuckled as she whistled loudly towards the crazy Australian who was moonwalking in front of a frightened looking Flo. Beca pointed Amy towards her washing machine. "Trust me… you don't want to know." She said to Luke.

"Well, I did ask so…" Luke said, leaning past Beca to steal a few noodles from the open carton on the counter.

"Ook..." She smiled, as she smacked his hand away. "Lilly used her chopsticks to put some crazy spell on Amy."

Luke raised his eyebrow. "Her chopsticks?"

"Yes!"

"Well, that's just... _weird_."

"Well, duh!" Beca said, putting her hands on her hips.

"And Amy pee'd-"

"-Yes!" Beca exclaimed, leaning forward to wipe off a tiny piece of noodle from Luke's subtle five o'clock shadow.

"That's quite disturbing!"

"It is, so, please don't leave me alone with these wackadoos!" Beca begged Luke as he picked up his wallet and keys. "They've only been here half an hour and Amy has already pissed herself, K-J is already talking smack and Lilly has singed the ends of her hair."

Luke laughed as he walked toward the front door. "You can handle it."

"I'll do _anything_ you want if you stay the night… please!"

He stopped dead in his tracks and looked over his shoulder with a very wicked grin. " _Anything?_ "

Beca smacked him. "Quit being a pig."

"You said ' _anything'_."

"And you've already seen me naked once today!"

"So that's why you were late to work!" Amy winked, walking out of the laundry room, wrapping one of Beca's bras around her elbow. "I always thought you two were boinking. Beca, your bras make excellent elbow supports."

"See what I mean?" Beca said, turning back toward Luke. "Please do not leave me here with these cuckoocachoo's!"

"Bye Becs!" Luke said, kissing her cheek. "Have fun… text me!"

"Fuckin' asshole!" Beca mumbled as she crossed her arms and watched him walk out the front door. "I hate you!"

Luke smiled. "I love you, Becs!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" She said, rolling her eyes as she headed back in the kitchen to rescue dinner. "Love you too, asshole! And thanks for the Chinese!"

Beca stopped rolling her eyes long enough to see all four of the girls staring back at her, blinking wildly as if being away from the safety of their own homes and work was something new, exciting and scary all at the same time. Beca gulped visibly before ushering them towards the kitchen to fix plates.

Serving herself a small portion of shrimp and rice, Beca slipped into the family room and rooted around for a DVD for everyone to watch. She cursed herself for not having a bigger collection of movies but she really wasn't interested in them. Finding her secret stack of chick flicks; The Devil Wears Prada, Burlesque, Chicago, 27 Dresses and The Proposal, she quickly hid them behind the stacks of CD's that she kept in the entertainment center and fished out a couple of films Jesse had left behind.

"Becs!" Amy called out with her mouth full, spraying rice all over Beca's shiny hardwood floors as she walked in the room with a plate of Kung Pao chicken and some spare ribs Beca had leftover in the fridge. "We _need_ karaoke!"

"Oh hell no, bitch! I've heard your attempt at singing."

"Huh?! I'm like the next Beyonce!" Amy said, dropping rice on the floor.

"Uhh… Ames, I'm sorry to tell you this but you can't carry a tune in a bucket, which is why you work on cover art for albums and _not_ in music production!"

"Oh well, let's agree to disagree. Even though we both know I'm right. But we won't talk about your lie. Anyhoo, what we watchin'?" Amy asked as she took the armchair nearest the fireplace.

"Um, nothing I guess. I don't have any movies..." Beca said simply, as it was only a little white lie. If Amy knew she had chick flicks she'd never live it down! "... and this is all that Jesse left behind when he... you know?" Beca said, looking down at the boxes in her hands. "It's Twilight, or Twilight, the extended version."

"Twilight it is!" Amy said snatching the DVD's out of Beca's hand.

Beca sighed. "Ok guys, have fun. I"m gonna go sit outside for a bit."

"You're not going to watch with us?" Kimmy asked, as she took a seat opposite Amy.

"No, but you guys have fun." Beca told the girls as she walked toward the back door. Truth was, she couldn't watch a movie without Jesse and she wanted nothing more than a decent excuse not to have to sit and watch Twilight. There was something about a sparkling vampire that just seemed very wrong. "There's popcorn in the pantry if you want it."

Beca sat on the morning porch and watched as the sun set over the beach. She finally had some peace and quiet to be with her thoughts. She loved the girls and all of their weirdness but she wasn't used to sharing her personal space with them. She'd only gone to the office for a couple of hours but she was exhausted. Having it out with Sawyer had been difficult and the past month had been taking it's toll on her.

Eventually Beca laid on the chaise lounge in the shallow end of the pool. It was relaxing and far enough away from the house that she didn't have to listen to the girls argue about whether they were Team Edward or Team Jacob. Who actually gave a flying fuck? It was a stupid movie about sparkling vampires and everyone knows that vampires don't sparkle.

It was a pleasant evening outside and Beca was enjoying the calming sounds of the waterfall across the pool. Letting her foot dangle from the side of the chaise, Beca allowed herself to drift off to sleep. She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep but when she finally woke, she felt rested and refreshed. She was startled when she heard Amy's voice.

"Helllooo slut!" Amy said from the pool float in the middle of the pool.

She jumped slightly and grabbed her chest. "Amy! What the fuck do you want?"

"A drink would be nice." Amy said as the devil danced in her eyes.

Beca rolled her eyes. "Get your own drink!"

"Well that's rude." Amy said looking slightly butt hurt.

"How are you in the middle of the pool and you're not soaking wet?"

"Lilly magicked me here." Amy said very matter of fact.

"Enough with the magic shit already!"

"You think I'm lying… look!" Amy said pointing to the tree.

Beca looked up into the palm tree and saw Lilly hanging upside down like a bat. She began to question how it was that she was currently surrounded by every weirdo in Los Angeles County. Did she attract them? She didn't go out looking for them but they always seemed to find her.

"Lilly… please come down from there." Beca begged. "If anything happens to you on my watch, Sawyer will kill me."

"I'll protect you boss lady." Lilly said proudly. "I got rid of the bad man on the phone."

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of." Beca muttered.

Once Lilly was down from the tree; Beca still wasn't exactly sure how she'd gotten up there, she helped Beca get Amy to the shallow end of the pool so she could get out without getting completely soaked.

As they walked in the house, Beca surveyed the room in an attempt to take inventory of her guests. Kimmy turned and said, "The white people are back."

"Well hello to you too." Beca said sarcastically and noticing that Kimmy was looking at something her iPad she asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm watching 'How To Get Away With Murder' on Netflix." She responded without taking her eyes off the small screen.

"Oh shit… we're fucked." Amy announced.

Beca shuddered. It was going to be a long, sleepless weekend. "Do you know where Flo is?"

"Nope. She disappeared a while ago." Kimmy told them.

"Lilly… did you-"

Lily smiled. "I ate my twin in the womb. I'm not hungry."

"Ok, umm... Amy, help me look for Flo. You look upstairs. I'll look down here." Beca said as she started calling for her as she headed down the hallway toward the downstairs guest room. They met back in the family room after searching for several minutes. "Lilly, are you sure you don't know where Flo is?"

As Lilly played with a knife, she asked, "Do you guys want to see a dead body?"

"Lilly… I swear if you don't cut the crap, you'll be job hunting come Monday!" Beca turned on her heels and stomped toward the kitchen for a drink when she heard a strange noise. She began randomly looking in the cabinets wondering if she had a mouse. Making sure she had her cell phone in hand and Luke's number at the ready, she started opening cabinets, relieved each time she didn't see a furry rodent. As she came to the corner cabinet, she started to get a weird feeling something wasn't quite right. She blew out a large breath and squatted down to open the cabinet. "Oh for fucks sake Flo!" She screamed as she came face to face with Flo, who had somehow neatly folded herself like only a contortionist could to get into the smallest cabinet in the kitchen. "What the fuck are you doing in there?" She asked, offering her hand to help Flo out of the cabinet.

Flo reached for Beca's outstretched hand and carefully unfolded herself. "The flashing lights followed me here."

Beca raised her eyebrow. "What flashing lights?"

"There! Look!" Flo pointed toward the entertainment center in the family room.

"Really?" Beca asked. "Flo that's the router for my wifi."

"Does it have malaria?"

"No, Flo, no."

"Are _they_ coming for me?"

"Who's they?"

Flo said nothing but pointed upwards to the ceiling. "The ones out to get us."

Beca sighed heavily and looked towards Amy, who was examining the fluff from her pockets with great interest. "Amy, I can't handle anymore weirdness tonight. She's all yours. I'm going to bed."

"What did I do? Why do I have to watch the weirdos?"

"Good night Amy!" Beca said from the top of the stairs.

"Bitch!"

 **o~O~o**

Once Beca was safely in her room she breathed a sigh of relief. It was late and she was exhausted. It had been a long day; a day that started off just like all the rest since Jesse left. Luke was right though, she needed to man up, move past Jesse and get on with life. After all, there was no way Jesse was going to be wallowing in self pity.

As she moved away from the door, she could hear the girls cackling downstairs. "Great, my home is now a glorified hen house."

She walked to bathroom and to take a long hot bath. If she was going to get any sleep, she was going to have to wash the weirdness down the drain. While the tub filled with water, she threw her hair up in a messy bun and undressed. She breathed in the smell of lavender as she stepped into the tub and lowered herself into the bubbles. She needed this… she deserved it.

As she laid there, covered in bubbles she thought about what Luke had said. **" _Don't question it. Just embrace it."_** He told her. Easy for him to say. Would he have to spend the night sleeping with one eye open because he had four weirdos in his house?

Forty minutes later, Beca was calm, relaxed and ready for bed. As she put on a cami and a pair of boxer shorts, she could hear Kimmy fussing at Amy about something. She opened her bedroom door a crack and listened as Kimmy scolded her for clogging the downstairs toilet. Amy was trying to defend herself by saying that the ribs she had eaten were off.

Beca closed and locked her bedroom door because she legitimately feared for her safety. As she climbed into bed, she made a mental note to ask Luke to call a plumber. She couldn't believe Amy used a washcloth when she failed to find the spare rolls of toilet paper under the sink. Hearing a slight creak outside her door, Beca quietly slipped out of bed and opened her closet door. She pulled out her guitar case and, shutting the door behind her, wedged the instrument under the bedroom door handle.

Turning around, she headed back to her bed in the semi darkness but let out an almighty scream when she saw Lilly sitting cross legged on her bed.

"Lilly!" She yelled, clutching at her heart. "What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"I sleep best when I'm spooning." Lilly whispered, flashing brilliant white teeth in Beca's direction.

"Spooning or spooking?" Beca shouted. "Get out of-"

"Thir-tee wan seconds…" Lilly hissed scarily.

"Beca!" Amy bellowed from the other side of the door. "Are you ok in there? I'm coming in and I'm armed!"

"Amy, it's okay, it's just Lilly."

"I've wrestled crocodiles and dingoes simultaneously." Amy yelled as she ran toward Beca's bedroom door.

Beca jumped when she heard the loud thud of Amy hitting the door, quickly followed by the sounds of Amy rolling down the stairs while yelling "Behold!" When she turned back toward the bed, Lilly was gone. This night was proving to be the strangest she'd had since she and Amy were in college. It was quiet for a minute or two and Beca thought she should check on Amy to make sure she hadn't broken anything important... like her neck. Peering through the door, she watched as Amy crawled back up the stairs on all fours before sitting on the top step and scooting towards the edge.

"Amy?!" Beca called out. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"New game! Watch!" Amy yelled back before shouting out "behold" for the second time.

It wasn't long before all of the girls started using serving trays to slide down the stairs in turn. The noise they were making was awful but at least they were finally all getting along as they began to time themselves to see who could race down to the bottom the fastest. It was Amy's idea to include a task on the way down, such as reciting the alphabet backwards or calling out fifteen cuss words beginning with the letter 'p'. Beca politely declined to join in, citing breaking her neck as not on her list of priorities. Instead, she slipped back under her comforter and flicked through the channels on her TV, settling on an episode of Intervention, nothing like a bunch of drug addicts to make her feel like her life wasn't so bad after all. She reasoned it drowned out the sounds of the girls whooping and cheering just a few feet away.

A little while later, Beca heard the silence and thinking it was safe to go to sleep, she turned the TV off, tucked herself in and slid down on the pillows, burying her face into the feathery goodness. Beca sighed as she heard a tapping on her bedroom door. There was only four hours left before Bernie and the limo arrived the next morning and she'd not slept a wink thanks to the antics of her guests.

The knocking got louder the longer Beca ignored it. She knew it had to be Kimmy Jin, seeing as she had slipped some melatonin in the warm milk gave Flo, who had suddenly decided she was afraid of the dark, white cotton bed sheets and blue cheese. Beca texted Luke to tell him that Flo was no longer allowed to drink coffee and he needed to make sure she avoided watching anything other than Mickey Mouse on the television in the future.

Beca knew Amy had passed out at the bottom of the stairs, exhausted by her efforts to think of a way to get Sliding Down The Stairs into the Olympic Games. Beca was also confident that since Lilly has armed herself with a cast iron skillet, a map of Alaska and a bottle of perfume that there was going to be peace for a while. She was currently trying to work out where the buried treasures were. Plus the handcuffs helped.

Sighing even louder, Beca collected her robe before dragging her feet over the plush carpeting of her bedroom and unlocked the door. Kimmy Jin stood, with her arms folded, and her resting bitch face firmly in place.

"Naneun Lilly wa hamkke bang eul gong-yu han hu insang i pil-yohabnida."

"Wait, what?" Beca huffed out. She was too tired for Kimmy Jin's snark. "Kimmy, I'm tired. What is it now?" Beca waited for an answer before her patience finally ran out. "No English? Yes English? Just tell me where you're at with English."

"I need a raise after having shared a room with Lilly." Kimmy Jin repeated.

"Kimmy, there are plenty of guest rooms, why are you sharing with Lilly?"

"Amy told me it was the only room left."

"Ugh… down the hallway and to the right. There are three other guest rooms." Beca told her. "Please get some rest. It's going to be a long couple of days."

"And my raise?"

"We'll talk about it on Monday."

 **o~O~o**

Finally, just as the dawn began to break and the sun peeked into Beca's bedroom, she fell asleep into a rushed dream that involved them all sitting around a fire pit sharing their deepest secrets, wearing polyester jumpsuits and holding hands. Beca almost gagged in her sleep.

Waking up the next morning, she was ready to murder to both Sawyer and Luke as she stood in the shower, trying to rid of her body of sleep. She needed coffee and lots of it and, after dressing in a t-shirt and shorts, Beca was reminded of why she and Amy _were_ friends when she walked into the kitchen, half blind from sleepiness to find her closest friend cooking omelets and serving piping hot coffee with plenty of sugar in it.

Coughing slightly at the strength, Beca poured coffee and sugar into an insulated coffee tumbler and screwed on the lid as she heard the buzz from her front gate, signaling the arrival of Bernie. She fetched her small duffle bag from the hall and headed out to the limo, shouting out to the girls that she was leaving in just a few minutes, with or without them.

She just hoped and prayed that by the time they got to the retreat, everyone would have calmed down.

She couldn't have been more wrong!

* * *

 **A/N: What do you think will happen while the girls are on retreat? Will more hijinx ensue?**

 **Corinne, as always, THANK YOU! You're the best!**


	12. Chapter 12: Retreats And Recruits-Part 1

**A/N: Well, after many, many, many hours of trying to make this retreat different from the one the Bellas went on in the movie, here it finally is. This is part one of two.**

 **Corinne, you are by far and away my very best friend. You always provide the love and support I need when I need it. Thank you for always pushing me to do things out of my comfort zone so that I can post my very best work. Love you!**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Chapter 12  
** **Retreats and Recruits  
** **o~O~o**

With everyone and everything finally loaded into the stretch limo, the girls were on their way to Big Bear Lake and all it had to offer. For Beca, the weekend was going to be trying at best, or at the very worst, it was going to be just as bad as the past month of missing Jesse had been. Beca knew if she didn't sleep in the car on the way all hell was going to break loose and they would all get fired for getting themselves arrested for bitching fighting in public. Giving each girl her signature death glare, Beca put her earbuds in, turned her music up and shut the world out. They had an almost three hour car ride and she didn't want to hear anything but music because she certainly didn't want or need any more weirdness; she had already had enough of that to last a lifetime. She fluffed her pillow, laid her sock feet in Amy's lap, without asking permission, and got comfortable for what she hoped would be a pleasant nap.

Amy started subconsciously rubbing Beca's feet, ensuring that she was sound asleep before they even got to the freeway. Flo was wearing earbuds, reading a book upside down and taking inventory of the exits in the event of an emergency. While Kimmy and Lilly tried to stare each other down with menacing ninja eyes, Amy decided to use the time to examine the bruises she got from sliding down the stairs the night before.

It wasn't long before Kimmy Jin was desperately trying to avoid touching Lilly who was changing seats in the limo every mile or so, claiming that NASA was on to her. There were several times that Lilly turned her head so that her ear was parallel to the floor and began whacking herself on the head while chanting "boom, boom, chiga, chiga, boom".

When Amy asked her what the hell she was doing, she said that she was trying to knock the tracking device in her head loose so that she could throw it out the window and keep the Feds guessing. The other girls were staring at each other and thinking that the drive was going to be long and anything but boring.

Each of them knew the real reason behind Beca being sent on the retreat and the reason for her extra grumpy mood that morning but nobody wanted to upset her any further. About forty minutes on the road, Amy was beyond bored. She sighed loudly three times before she got everyone's attention.

"There's only one thing to do at a time like this-"

Flo interrupted. "-Fake your own death and flee the country?"

"Uhh… no." Amy said looking confused. "I was going to suggest that we play a game."

Lilly smiled wickedly and said she would play if she could keep her lucky penny under her tongue. Kimmy said that she wasn't interested in being social because she would rather play 'Candy Crush' on her phone and Flo said that she was game as long as she didn't get shoved in a plastic shipping container as part of the game.

Amy suggested games like 'I Spy' and 'The Alphabet Game' but was met with, ' _That's boring_ ' and ' _How childish?_ '. Going back to the drawing board, Amy thought about what a fun game would be and while thinking, she looked down at Beca's socks, noting the playing card symbols stitched neatly in a row. It gave her an idea. So, when she asked if they all had cash and suggested that they play poker, all the girls seemed to perk up and look interested.

So while Beca slept, the girls played poker but it wasn't long before their enthusiasm began to really kick in and the stakes began to get higher than just cash. Things were getting so interesting that even Kimmy Jin put down her phone to join in the fun. Jewelry, concert tickets and spa days started to come into play until Lilly took her cardigan off which gave Amy another idea… strip poker!

So with the stakes officially being 'win or get naked', the girls really needed to get their heads into the game. The girls raided the booze and snacks from the mini bar and started playing. Sure, drinking hadn't been on the original agenda but they had an entire weekend to spend together and what better way to get things started than to have a few drinks.

Within twenty minutes, the mini bar was dry and Beca had woken up to find Amy sitting in just her panties and bra. She watched the girls play poker through half closed eyes for a few minutes and when Amy called out that she had couldn't hold her drink and the cards in one hand she wedged her glass between her legs, Beca, without batting an eyelid, suggested that she ' _keep it in her pants maybe?'_ , making them all jump.

Nobody was happier than Beca when they finally exited the freeway and passed the sign for 'The Lodge of Fallen Leaves'. She suggested that the girls pack up their stuff and put their clothes back on. It took her nearly five minutes to talk Amy into putting her shirt on and an extra three before she'd put her shorts on as she wanted acknowledgment that she was the winner of the poker game. Beca wasn't sure Amy had the concept of the game quite locked down considering she was the only one _not_ wearing everything she should have been.

Beca wondered if it would be worth it to take up smoking.

Bernie pulled the car around to the reception area and leapt out of the car to open the door for the girls. Amy, Flo, Kimmy Jin and Lilly all tried to get out of the same door at the same time, pushing and shoving each other. Beca felt a little unwell as she waited for the rush to subside, the smell in the limo was similar to sewer drains. She started gagging when Amy turned around and apologized for crop dusting the car.

Eventually, they were all lined up outside the vehicle as Bernie retrieved the bags out of the trunk. Looking around at each other and sending silent questions as to what they were supposed to be doing next, the answer came from a voice that sounded similar to nails on a chalkboard.

 **o~O~o**

"Hello ladies! Welcome to the Lodge of Fallen Leaves where fortune 500 companies send their employees to build teamwork skills. I'm Alice and I'll be your camp counselor for the weekend."

Beca rolled her eyes. Was this bitch serious?

"You should know that I have a knack for barking orders and bending peoples will sooo… FALL IN LINE BITCHES! No slouching! No straggling! I see you!"

She yelled so loudly that Beca jumped and rubbed her belly in fear of what they were in for over the next few days. Her little hair bun actually bounced. Amy couldn't help but laugh. It was probably one of the funniest things she'd ever seen. She liked seeing the usually fearless, awesome badass Beca, ' _The Big B. M.'_ look like she was falling apart at the seams. Amy gave Beca a big shove so that she moved into a straight line along with everyone else.

As Alice walked down the line, staring at each girl as she continued to bark at them. "It is with great sorrow _and_ regret that your boss had to call me. He's disappointed that the team he was once so proud of has become _such_ a disgrace to Warner Brothers Records."

"I'm not part of this team." Flo complained. "I'm-"

"-I don't care. I _don't_ want to hear it." Alice said. "He wants his team back and I've promised that when you return to work on Monday, that he will see marked improvement. He will see a team that can and will work together cohesively-"

"Can I have the keys to our room?" Amy asked.

Alice got nose to nose with Amy, "Zip. It!"

"This retreat signifies a chance at redemption. You don't have a chance at winning until you learn to work together as a team. And," Alice continued looking directly at Flo as she opened her mouth to speak again, "it doesn't matter if you work together in the real world or not. So, for the next three days, you will be doing everything together until you regain your teammanshipness. Ladies, get ready to be transformed. You are surrounded with the strength of nature, your team and everyone here, oh… and a few dozen bear traps so don't stray too far from the marked paths. Ok… let's go!"

"Is ' _teammanshipness'_ even a word?" Beca mumbled to herself, earning her a thousand yard stare from Alice in response. "Look, I'm dying for a steak and some salad." Beca told Alice. "Then I'd like the name of my cabana boy so I can get him to fetch me fruity beverages while I lay out by the pool and work on my tan."

"Yeah, I'm with Beca on this one. Where's the key to my room?" Amy asked Alice. "I need to get changed for some fun in the sun!"

"Amy… is that your name?"

"Yeah…"

"There are _no_ guest rooms for you."

"Then where are we staying?"

"As part of your team building exercises, you have to earn your shelter. You'll need to complete several tasks before you're rewarded with a tent, which you'll have to learn to put together with only a partial set of instructions."

"You've _got_ to be kidding me right now?!" Beca finally said, throwing down her duffle bag in frustration.

"Beca, each exercise you complete will earn you and your team members something that will be of use to you during your stay."

Beca rolled her eyes. Alice was speaking like she was a Stepford Wife. It was really quite scary. "And what does that mean exactly?"

"That means that you'll get nothing for free."

"Not even food?!" Amy asked.

"Nope… not even food." Alice smirked. "You'll have to complete a task to earn a fishing pole that you'll need to use to catch your dinner… BUT, you'll also have to complete a task to earn a flint to start a fire that you'll use to cook your dinner and stay warm at night."

"Alice… this may come as a complete surprise to you, but we're all from the city. None of us knows how to fish or start a fire, let alone make a tent with only partial instructions." Beca told her. "And if I'm not mistaken, none of us want to do it either."

"I think it's _pitch_ a tent." Kimmy Jin hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

"Pitching a tent!" Amy yelled, laughing loudly. "Isn't that-"

"-Exactly the reason I didn't want to use that phrase." Beca said, in answer to Kimmy Jin's remark.

"Beca, maybe you missed what I was saying earlier. You're here to learn to work as a team, so you'll need to figure these things out among yourselves."

"You're really gonna let us starve if we don't catch fish?" Beca asked as she caught a glimpse of Lilly and Kimmy. She noticed that both of them were staring holes into Alice's perfectly tanned skin. "How is this even remotely fun?"

"Today, your first task to complete is a scavenger hunt." Alice said, ignoring Beca. "You will need to find the items on this list."

"Well… that shouldn't be too hard." Kimmy muttered. "We can all split up and cover more ground that way."

Alice shook her head. "No, you misunderstood me. I said you have to do _everything_ as a team… remember? Which is why you're going to be tied together for this exercise."

"Tied together?" Beca asked. "Is this Camp Kinky?"

"If it is, I'm calling Bumpy." Amy mused.

"Reign in the bad attitude Beca, it'll get you nowhere." Alice pointed out. "Well… except maybe the unemployment line."

They had been at the camp less than twenty minutes and already Beca was ready to go back home. She'd had enough. Sawyer had to have been drunk when he made the decision to send them to this camp that was being run by a total Nazi. If they made it through the weekend, she was going to march into Sawyer's office first thing on Monday and let him have it. With both barrels!

This chick in charge, who looked vaguely familiar to Beca, had to be out of her fucking mind if she thought Beca was going to allow herself to be tied to the other girls and sent out into the woods. She wanted a place to charge her laptop, crank up the volume on her iPod and chill out. Whatever happened to yoga in the woods, endless ice cream and walking around in bathrobes?

"Ladies, please line up." Alice asked them as she produced a rope from out of nowhere.

"Uhh… what is that and what are you doing with it?" Flo asked pointing to the rope.

"This is a paracord rope with survival cord bracelets attached to it. I'm going to attach you to one another so that you cannot split up. This a team building trust exercise." She said as she attached the first bracelet to Lilly's wrist, locking it with a padlock.

"So, let me get this straight… we have to stay connected to each other for the entire weekend?" Beca asked.

"No Beca, one of the things you'll have to find along the way is the key that unlocks the bracelets and releases you from one another."

"No way!"

"And… every time you hear me blow the whistle, you have to stop what you're doing and sing this song…"

" _I'm a beaver  
You're a beaver  
We are beavers all  
And when we get together  
We do our beaver call"_

"After you say the word call, you'll have to make a noise and action like a beaver." Alice finished explaining.

"You know _my_ beaver only cries out for Bumper." Amy announced, looking immensely proud of herself. "He loves to smother it in salsa and exotic capers."

"Oh my God! Amy! No, just no! Alice, look this is ludicrous!" Beca yelled. "Can we change the song… anything, anything but that stupid song about the beaver? I don't have time to tell why having Amy sing that song is a whole world of no."

"What are you willing to give up to change the song?" Alice asked.

"I'll pay you whatever you want. Name your price." Beca said, reaching into her purse.

"No, you have to give up something of value."

"Well… shit!" Beca sighed, looking down to see if she was wearing any rings or an expensive watch. She wasn't, so opened her purse again to see what she could offer. "Take my iPad… I get it back when we leave, right?"

"Yes, you do." Alice said, taking the item offered to her. "New song…"

"'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play  
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate  
I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
I shake it off, I shake it off  
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break  
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake  
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
I shake it off, I shake it off"

"Aww fuck… Taylor Swift? Really?" Beca moaned.

"As you sing, you have to ' _shake it off'_ at the end and extra credit will be given to those that twerk the best." Alice told them.

"Twerk?" Flo asked. "Is that an American form of water skiing?"

"Seriously Flo?"

"Is anyone in your group on drugs?" Alice asked Beca.

"You'd think so." Beca sighed heavily. "Unfortunately, this is them on a good day."

Soon, the girls each had a bracelet attached to them with Beca in the lead position. She was given the list of items to find and they were sent on their way, in the direction of a group of trees that lined a trail that seemed to run to a mountain range in the distance. Beca had no idea why she'd been chosen to lead the group, even with a breadcrumb trail, flashlight and a GPS, she was pretty navigationally challenged. This wasn't going to end well.

 **o~O~o**

As they began their trek through the woods Beca became more and more pissed. It was stupid for them to be team building when she had a career to save and new talent to find. Sure, she knew she'd been neglecting her job for the past few weeks but she had every reason to feel aggrieved, didn't she? With every step she took, she got madder at both Sawyer and Jesse, cussing at them under her breath, just quiet enough so that nobody else could hear her. She looked over the list and the clues that were supposed to lead them to the supplies they would need for the weekend.

 **1). Follow your heart, to the handyman soothes knitters.**

"What the actual fuck?" Beca said as she read out the first line on the paper. "I don't understand what that means..."

"We need to walk four trees in from the clearing and then take a sharp right, and walk 200 yards east." Kimmy Jin said, gesturing in the general direction of where they needed to go.

"How the fuck did you-" Beca questioned, almost losing her eyebrows into her hairline.

"-Follow your heart, which means east. To the handyman soothes knitters is an anagram of ' _to the moon and the stars in the sky'_ which were lyrics sung by All 4 One. The band's first gig sold 200 tickets and one of the band members, I think his name is Delious, always had to stand on the right hand side of the stage." Kimmy Jin explained to the four other girls who stood looking at her like she had two heads. "Makes perfect sense."

"Are you sure?" Beca asked, looking back down at the first clue. "Can we believe that?"

"What choice do you have?" Kimmy Jin asked, fixing an icy glare on her boss.

"She's right. Just do as she says." Amy hissed in Beca's ear.

"Well fuck." Beca stated and began to walk off in the direction that Kimmy Jin had indicated.

"Is any of that true KJ?" Amy whispered, maintaining just enough distance to avoid icy burn.

"No clue." Kimmy admitted. "But the Boss Lady needed to hear it."

"Oh shit." Amy laughed.

"Lilly?" Kimmy called out behind her shoulder to the last in the group. "Run ahead and see if you can see anything."

"On it." Lilly mumbled before slipping out of the cord around her wrist off. She snuck left into the trees and was soon shimming up the tree faster than a jungle cat.

"How far Kimmy?" Beca yelled from the front of the line. "Wait, is that Lilly up ahead? How did... aaarrrgh!"

Beca turned to look and see if Lilly was still following behind and caught her foot on a tree root. She fell like a sack of potatoes to the ground below and cussed spitefully into a pile of leaves.

"Beca!" Amy said, charging forward at such a speed that she almost pulled the other girls over. "Are you hurt?"

"I hate this fucking place." Beca moaned as she sat up, rubbing her ankle. "I'm ok. Just help me up."

Amy pulled up her friend with one easy tug and began to brush bits of bark and leaves off of her. Beca smacked her hand away when she got too close for comfort and dusted off her own chest.

"I saw Lilly up ahead." Beca said, looking up to search for her again.

"I'm right here." Lilly murmured from behind.

"You... wait?"

"I've literally been here the whole time." Lilly offered in way of explanation. Amy turned suspiciously.

"How did you move so fast?" Amy asked her, having seen her join the group again not a minute before.

"Unagi."

"Ooh narr gee?" Amy questioned but Lilly just put her fingers to her lips.

"Eyes front!" Beca ordered, giving her clothes one last shake as she moved off. "Let's get this shit over with."

Kimmy Jin turned to Lilly who nodded and whispered they were on the right path and that there was a water station and second clue ahead.

Reaching the checkpoint two minutes later, Beca was impressed that they'd even made it that far. She looked down at the second clue as Flo stepped forward to collect enough water bottles for everyone. She handed them out as Beca read out the second clue.

 **2). Find the follow items:**

 _Pinecone  
Something beginning with 'B'  
Interesting shaped rock  
Something that doesn't belong  
Feather  
Something yellow_

"Why do I suddenly feel like a twelve year old again?" Beca moaned as she refolded the instructions and slipped them into her pocket. "This shit is going to take all day."

"Not really." Flo said, picking up the small, neatly wrapped package from the table with Beca's name on it. "We already have four of the items."

"How so?" Amy asked, looking around.

"Amy's shirt has a pinecone on it." Flo said, pointing to Amy's chest.

"Good call!" Amy yelled with an overabundance of enthusiasm. "We have something beginning with a 'B' as well."

"What?" Beca asked, wincing in preparation for the answer. "And please, no references to beavers."

"I was gonna say boobs." Amy said, mock acting being hurt. "But we also have bum, bras and a bitch… I mean Beca."

"Thank you for saying bum _before_ me." Beca said sarcastically before turning back to Flo. "What else do we have?"

"Kimmy Jin has a feather on her Native American bracelet." Flo said, pointing to Kimmy's left wrist. They all crowded round to look and there was the smallest hint of a smile on Kimmy Jin's lips. "Plus, the something that doesn't belong is me."

"You?"

"Yes, after I'm spied on by the drones above, I am likely to be deported." Flo explained. "I will try to re-enter the country illegally but will probably die at sea."

"You're all so weird." Beca huffed out before taking a large gulp of water. "I can't even be bothered to argue. Let's get on with it and find the other things and get the heck out of here."

After thirty minutes of looking for an odd shaped rock on the ground, Beca decided that they should all sit for a few minutes. Without a word of complaint, the girls all flopped to the ground to rest.

"This is stupid." Beca moaned. "Who do I have to see about getting us out of this." She held up her wrist with the cord around it.

"We could use the key?" Flo said, pulling the package she'd collected an hour earlier, out of her pocket.

"Wait what? You've got the key in your pocket to get us out of this shit?" Beca hissed. "Hand it over Flo."

"What about the tent Beca?" Amy asked not wanting to sleep under the stars.

"Fuck that Amy. I'll find the bitch, Elise… Alicia…"

"Alice." Amy interrupted.

"Whatever her name is. I'll make a deal with her." Beca replied, sighing heavily. Flo shot Amy a look that showed she didn't understand what was going on.

"Don't you think we should talk about this?" Amy said.

"No." Beca said, holding out her hands for the key. "Flo, the key... Please."

Flo reluctantly held out the key for Beca who snatched it and shoved it into the lock on her wrist. Within seconds she was free and handed the key to Kimmy Jin before standing up and walking away from everyone.

"What crawled up her ass?" Lilly asked as the rest of the girls began to unlock themselves.

"Does this mean we don't get to finish the task?" Flo asked as they began to follow Beca out of the woods and back towards the camp.

They all walked in silence back towards the camp. It wasn't until they could see the outline of the main building that anybody spoke.

"Collect your bags girls. I'm calling a cab." Beca said quietly as they approached the main door where their belongings were stored.

"We can't leave." Flo said. "Mr. Luke won't like that."

"Well, he's not here, is he?" Beca snapped.

"Beca, we've come this far. Shouldn't we-"

"You don't need my permission to do anything!" Beca yelled, too tired to give a shit any longer. "I want to go home."

"We could just take someone else's tent." Lilly said, pointing to a stack of canvas tents, neatly folded and stored in bags. Piles of tent pegs and a couple of mallets were just behind the tents.

"Could we?" Kimmy Jin asked.

"Do you guys actually want to stay?" Beca asked incredulously.

"It is pretty here Beca." Amy said in reply.

"What if they ask where the scavenger stuff is?" Beca posed another question.

"Then we tell them we handed it into a different camp counselor." Lilly whispered, looking all around her, for anyone in authority.

"Please Beca?" Amy mumbled.

"Oh for fucks sake, grab a tent and let's get on with it." Beca said as she threw her hands up in the air. "I'm past caring."

Kimmy Jin and Amy set out to steal one of the tents that had been left lying around. Beca was worrying that everything was working out far too easily. She was waiting for Alice to jump out in front of her and bitch her out for not playing the game properly. She silently cursed Sawyer again.

"Where do we need to go now?" Amy asked as they rejoined the rest of the team.

"Who gives a fuck. Just don't pitch the damn thing on one of those bear traps." Beca mused. "Lilly, go and find us some water from somewhere. Steal it if you have to. Flo, can you go and find some kindling for the fire. Kimmy Jin, please go and rescue our luggage. Amy, pick up that tent and follow me. We're going to see what else we can steal to make life a little easier."

"Yes ma'am."

 **o~O~o**

When they finally got back to their camp site with their supplies, they immediately set out to pitch the tent. They would worry about fishing later. Beca was so tired she wasn't sure was going to eat anyway, the girls could share her portion. She was pretty sure she had a protein bar in her purse anyway. Her body ached in ways she never thought possible and she just wanted to go to bed.

"We need to pitch the tent guys." Beca told them. "All hands on deck."

"The only tent I know how to pitch is Bumper's." Amy said as she unfolded the instructions. "It says 'Asshole front tadpole-"

"-Amy! Give that to me!" Beca screeched ripping the instructions from Amy's hands. "It says 'Assemble front tent pole' not 'asshole front tadpole'!"

"Oh… well that makes so much more sense."

Lilly, Kimmy and Flo giggled at the exchange. What Beca didn't know was that Amy had filled her water canteen with vodka before leaving home that morning and that she was currently drunk as a skunk.

*WHISTLE*

The girls stopped and immediately started singing and dancing.

" _'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play  
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate  
I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
I shake it off, I shake it off  
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break  
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake  
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
I shake it off, I shake it off"_

"Your next task, after you've eaten dinner, is 'Getting to Know You'." Alice told them. "You'll need to ask questions of the others that you don't know the answers to."

"Alice, we got each item we need to survive the weekend, but I can't help but notice that fishing bait wasn't on the list." Kimmy pointed out.

"That's right… you'll have to improvise."

None of them noticed Lilly standing behind them. "I think I might have something that can help." She whispered as she opened her hand revealing a bunch of worms and dead bugs.

"Way to go Lilly!" Alice praised her. She fixed her most snarkiest of looks on Beca. "It's good to see someone playing the game."

Beca at least had the decency to wait until Alice's back was turned before flipping her the bird.

 **o~O~o**

Dinner was quiet. The girls were exhausted but couldn't go to bed yet because they had yet another task to complete. Why did they have to get to know each other? With the exception of Flo, they all worked together everyday. What more was there to know? Beca was honestly scared to find out that Kimmy and Lilly were potentially even weirder than she originally thought. Could she handle finding out more than she already knew? Only time would tell.

"So… shall we 'get to know' each other?" Amy asked hoping that Beca wouldn't shoot daggers out of her eyes. "Beca, you go first."

Beca grinned then said "Shant!" with an English accent.

"You and that Brit boy have been hanging out _way_ too long!" Amy told her. "Anyway… who wants to go first?"

"I'll go." Kimmy said hoping to get the game over with so she could get back to 'Candy Crush'. "If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?"

Lilly smiled. This question was right up her alley. "Transylvania… because I want to become Dracula's wife and learn to suck blood."

Beca looked around, she was suddenly scared to go to sleep in the same tent with Lilly for fear that she'd wake up with Lilly's fangs embedded in her neck.

Amy nodded. "That's cool… but I'd want to live in The White House because I want to have sex in The Ovary Office."

Kimmy and Beca exchanged looks. "Um, The Ovary Office?" Beca finally asked.

"Yeah, that's the place where Monica Lewinsky's ovaries exploded. I think Bumper and I could do a real bang up job in there."

Beca wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Gross!"

"Amy… are you high?" Kimmy asked her. "You can't live in the White House."

"And why the hell not?" Amy asked with her hands on her hips.

"Uhhh… Really? Try because you're not a U.S. Citizen."

"I can fix that no problem!"

Beca was eager to get this episode of 20 questions over with. "Flo… where would you want to live?"

"I want to live underwater… Atlantis preferably." Flo said proudly. "Because there's no extradition laws there."

Beca rolled her eyes and shook her head. How was it she ended up in the middle of nowhere with this bunch of misfits. She pulled out her phone to text Luke.

" _WTF planet Flo is from?"  
_ " _Planet? I'm pretty sure she did a back handspring over the fence from Guatemala."  
"Must have been one hell of a back handspring since Guatemala is not connected to the US!"  
_" _It's not that far!"  
_ " _SMDH dude… Now I know why you failed maps in college!"  
_ " _I hated that class."  
_ " _Dude, come get me… please!"  
_ " _No can do! You did the crime, now you have to do the time."  
_ " _Fuck you!"  
_ " _I love you Becs! Have fun!"_

"Beca?" Kimmy said getting her attention. "Where would you want to live and why?"

"Oh… umm, London, I guess. Luke has told me so much about the countryside. It sounds really amazing. And I've always wanted to see a real castle."

It was true, Luke had always spoken very highly of his home country. He had spent many hours telling Beca about the rolling hills and the ever so green countryside. He spoke about the thousand year old castles, some tucked away in the dells and weathered beyond repair. He told Beca about Windsor Castle, where the Queen of England lived occasionally. Luke described his home country to perfection and it was obvious that he loved and missed England.

Beca caught onto Luke's love of the broken and neglected castles that held history in its battlements. Luke loved London and especially the Underground Tube system; he loved the stressful way everyone tried to avoid touching each other and how the British were born with a stiff upper lip. Beca was determined to go one day.

Lilly raised her hand. "I wanna go next." She whispered. "Would you rather see into the future or change the past?"

"That's an easy one." Beca said. "I'd change the past."

"Do you really want Jesse back that bad?" Amy asked her.

"No, I don't but if you could change the past, it could essentially change your future so therefore you get both."

"That's genius!" Kimmy said giving Beca a high five. "No need for any of the rest of us to answer that one because there's no better answer than that!"

Beca looked at Kimmy, "Tell us something we don't know about you."

"Ok…" Kimmy said looking nervous. "I'm married and have four kids."

"Wait… what?" Beca asked, a little too loudly. "How old are you? How have you worked for me for two years and I didn't know that?"

"You never really asked." Kimmy told her.

Beca suddenly felt really bad for not knowing her assistants better. She mentally berated herself for not knowing that Kimmy was married and had a family. She took a quick glance at Kimmy's left hand. There was a thin gold band on an important finger. Had it always been there? She found herself trying to think back and remember if she'd seen it before.

"Ok… my turn." Amy said breaking up the quiet.

Beca visibly cringed. She'd know Amy for twenty years and knew this was probably going to be the most awkward question of the night.

"Ready?" She asked. When everyone nodded, Amy smiled a very wicked smile which told Beca that there was definitely something to be afraid of. "Pick one: Flogger, Handcuffs or Butt Plug? And why?"

"AMY!" Beca screeched. "That's _so_ personal."

"Answer the question Bec."

"Ugh…" Beca started mumbling obscenities under her breath. "... if I have to pick one, I'd say… flogger."

"And why is that?" Amy asked, wanting more than anything to know why Beca had chosen that item.

"Because a flogger has the ability to heighten the senses. Handcuffs are fun…" She said with an evil grin. "... but they restrict your movement. And butt plugs… no fucking way dude! That's an exit _not_ and entrance."

"Well… alright then." Amy said with a smirk. Beca gave her more information than she asked and she had done it willingly.

"Any more questions?" Beca asked, moving the subject along as fast as she could.

"Yeah!" Amy called out. "Have you ever taken it up the-"

"-And GOOD NIGHT everyone." Beca said, firmly. "It's time for bed now. The sun is going to be up soon."

 **o~O~o**

The girls were packed in their tent like sardines. According to the partial instructions they received, it was supposed to be a 'ten man tent' but Beca wasn't exactly sure she believed that. After they brought their duffle bags, all three of Kimmy's suitcases and figured out sleeping arrangements there was very little room left to move around.

They hadn't earned the fan Alice showed them, so naturally it was hot and extremely sticky inside the tent. So hot, in fact, Beca actually contemplated sleeping outside on the top of the picnic table, at least on the picnic table she wouldn't be rubbing elbows with weirdoes.

"I don't understand camping." Flo sighed. "We're voluntarily living like dogs."

"Not even dogs have it this bad." Beca told her. "You know that saying ' _There's something rotten in Denmark'_?" She asked no one in particular.

"Yeah…" Amy answered. "What about it?"

"Well… being in this tent is far worse than that."

"How so?"

"The air we're breathing right now is at least ninety percent fart!" Beca's face was scrunched up as she rubbed her nose.

Amy laughed. "Sorry boss!"

"Amy… the gaseous clouds around Uranus are screaming for that butt plug you were talking about earlier!"

"Oh, that reminds me… I need to see a man about a horse." Amy announced as she crawled out of the tent. "Did anyone happen to pack a roll of toilet paper or a moist towelette or a t-shirt size extra small?"

The girls all gave her disgusted looks as they shook their heads. Sure, everybody shits but did she really have to announce it?

Amy shrugged her shoulders. "Ok… side of the tent it is!"

Kimmy rolled over until her nose was almost touching Beca's. "What are we doing?"

"We're supposed to be bonding… or something equally fucking stupid."

"This is all your fault Beca." Kimmy told her. "We wouldn't be here if you had gotten your ass to work when you were supposed to."

"Shut it Kimmy!" Beca said, her resting bitch face firmly in place. "I want to go home just as much as you do." When Beca rolled over to lay on her right side, Lilly started licking the underside of her nose, it was an oddly calming gesture. She thought about saying something but knew that Lilly would have something weird about geckos or jabberwockies to say in response.

"I hate this travel pillow." Flo mumbled as she tried to get comfortable on the U-shaped blow up contraption.

"Hey guys… the pipes are blocked." Amy announced loudly from outside the tent. "Beca can you sing something?"

"Amy…. I am not _singing_ the shit out of you. If you can't go on your own then it's gonna be a long, uncomfortable weekend for you."

All of the girls stared as, Lilly, in what may have been the strangest thing that she had done since arriving at the retreat, started singing.

" _Let it go, let it go  
_ _Can't hold it back anymore  
_ _Let it go, let it go  
_ _Turn away and slam the door!"_

Beca growled as she rolled over, wrapping the pillow around her head. "This _cannot_ be happening right now!"

"And yet… it is." Kimmy mumbled.

"Thanks Lilly!" Amy cheered. "Coming out like fro-yo now!"

"You white people are crazy." Flo muttered. "I need to call the Feds myself!"


	13. Author's Note

**o~O~o  
** **Author's Note  
** **o~O~o**

Dear Friends & Fellow Readers,

I've received a couple of reviews that contain questions about my story so I'm here to address & clear up any questions or concerns that you, my friends & readers, may or may not have. First & foremost, I want you to enjoy & love my story just as I much as I love & enjoy writing it & I obviously don't want to lose readers or spoil your enjoyment if what I'm writing is confusing.

So here goes...

 **The sleep over...** It was weird, I can admit that! But that's how it was meant to be. I wrote it as some much needed comedic relief after a few emotionally charged chapters. It's not necessarily _supposed_ to make sense. It was meant to shed light on the weirdness that surrounds Beca on a daily basis, so with that in mind, the mayhem that took place at her house was all for a reason. After everything Beca's went through, she needed a little crazy. She needed some fun, light hearted girl time even if it was with Amy & a band of weirdos. Yes, Beca was moody & petulant but in time, she'll look back on it & smile because it was a happy, fun time even though she didn't think so when it was happening.

 **The retreat...** Beca  & her team were sent on a retreat by Sawyer, the big boss at Warner. He sent them on the retreat because Beca aka conductor of the hot mess express, checked out after her breakup with Jesse. Beca sees her life as a giant shithole since Jesse left. We've all experienced breakups so we know how it works. Sawyer knows first hand what she's capable of and yet she hasn't performed to the best of her abilities. At the end of the day, he has bosses to answer to as well and, while you may have incredible talents in your chosen career, business is money and if you aren't performing, then you are out. Her efforts were less than lackluster at best & that doesn't cut it in the music industry, which is ever changing and evolving. By telling her that she had two weeks to sign a new talent, he put the fear of God in her. He did it because he cares and he wants her focused and back on track. He's opened her eyes to the fact that she can no longer take her career or her position with the company for granted. She's let everyone down and needed to be called up on her shit and in doing just that, Sawyer let her know that losing everything she's worked so hard to achieve over a dude is not in anyone's best interest, especially hers.

Prior to the retreat, Amy was scared of Lilly and Kimmy. Kimmy and Lilly were all but killing each other with death glares while building ice castles in the reception area. While Flo isn't a part of their team at Warner, Luke thought she could benefit from the team building experience and well, maybe he just wanted a break from her, and for her to make some friends to balance out her weird so...

I'm sure that everyone thought the retreat would be identical to the one in Pitch Perfect 2. I didn't want it to be identical to the one the Bella's went on, though there are similarities and lines from the movie mixed in. As a way for the girls to come together, they have to learn to act and perform as a well oiled machine, similar to the TV show Survivor. They have tasks they have to complete in order to get to the next task. The completion of each task comes with a reward. Failure to complete the tasks results in consequences or the inability to do something because they don't have what they need.

 **The singing…** No, these girls are not singers but they do work in the music industry so it wouldn't be unusual for them to randomly break out in song. No where was it written that they had to harmonize, or even sing well... just that they had to stop what they were doing to sing when the whistle was blown.

Yes, it's silly but again it's much needed. These types of corporate retreats break down the leadership hierarchy & take the control away from the leaders & management. These girls need to learn to come together & trust that they all have each others backs no matter what. Without trust, they have a crumbling foundation that can and will give way at any moment.

I wrote a chapter on what was going on in Jesse's world since the breakup & felt Beca deserved the same attention, if not more. While Jesse is a main character & I've only told you some of the things about his life, he's still a very under developed character at this point. There's lots more to come on him in future chapters.

The groundwork, for these weird chapters, was carefully laid out throughout chapters 1-11. Perhaps I made it too subtle! Please trust me when I say I have a plan & most of each future chapter written already so these random chapters are in there for a reason. Beca is going to need all of these girls to be on her side later on. I've woven a very intricate web and it's all coming together… just as I planned. So, please, hang in there & keep reading. If you have any questions or concerns, please message me. I'll be glad to chat with you about it.

I appreciate every single review & love that you take the time to read my story. So, if you're all on board, let's continue to ride this crazy, emotional roller coaster together. xo


	14. Chapter 13: Retreats And Recruits-Part 2

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, these chapters have been a true labor of love & at times a real pain in the ass.**

 **Corinne, What can I say that hasn't already been said? Thanks x**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Chapter 13  
** **Retreats and Recruits  
** **Part 2  
** **o~O~o**

Beca made sure everyone was asleep before struggling out of her sleeping bag, crawling out of the tent and walking down to the lake. She was careful where to put her feet after Amy's antics a couple of hours before. She couldn't sleep; truth was she'd been having trouble sleeping since Jesse had left. She had gotten so used to him being wrapped around her like a vine every night, that sleeping without him was now damn near impossible. How had he become such a fixture in her life in such a short amount of time? And why couldn't she get him out of her head? She needed Luke to rein back in her thoughts and she cursed herself for not bringing her phone with her so she could text him. She didn't care that it was almost 3am, they never bothered about the time when they needed each other.

She never realized how quiet and peaceful a place like this was because she was so used to the sights and sounds of the big city. She hated herself for missing Jesse so much and even more so for the fact that he probably wasn't missing her at all. As she looked out over the still, calm lake and saw the reflection of the moon shimmering in the water, she began to cry and question why he had such a hold on her and why she couldn't just grow a set and get over him already?

Bending down, she picked up a couple of loose stones from the path that ran alongside the lake. Twisting them in her fingers, she watched as a lone tear splashed onto one of the darker stones, staining the smooth surface. She watched the small circle grow under the dim light of the walkway lights that appeared to act as a barrier between the path and the water.

' _Throw your tears into the lake and man the fuck up.'_ She heard Luke's voice in her ear, as clear as if he were standing behind her. ' _Become the badass Beca we all know and love.'_

Beca knew Luke had a point. She hated feeling so pathetic and detached from everyone around her but as she threw one of the stones into the lake, she knew she wasn't going to achieve peace by looking for pinecones and singing stupid songs. After the fourth stone plonked into the water with a loud 'doink', she began to feel lighter and glad she had listened to the voice of Luke in her mind.

' _One more minute of crying over your shitty little life, then you sack up bitch.'_ She told herself and walked along to one of the little stone benches that were dotted along the lake's perimeter. She sat and leant forward onto her knees and ran her fingers through her hair. The cool night air calmed her down and she became philosophical. She took a huge breath in and held it for a few seconds. As she puffed out her cheeks and expelled the air, she began to blow Jesse out of her life.

"Beca? You down there?"

Beca started furiously wiping the tears from her cheeks when she heard someone walking down the gravel path in her direction. She had no problem crying on her own but she sure as shit wasn't going to let someone other than Luke see her weeping.

Amy, dressed in a bright pink, velvet onesie, walked up behind Beca and started rubbing her shoulders. "What's up flat butt? Can't sleep?"

"I don't know what I'm doing here." She admitted.

"Livin' the dream." Amy said, looking out to the lake, spreading her arms out as if she'd won a marathon.

"If this is a dream, then I really don't want to have a nightmare."

"Bec… what's up? What's really going on? I mean, everyone has a down day but babe, I think you've forgotten how to crack a smile completely."

Beca sighed. Amy was her best friend and had been since they were kids. If anyone, other than Luke, could get the truth out of her, it was Amy. "I miss him." She whispered.

Amy shook her head as she took a seat next to Beca. She'd never seen Beca this upset about a guy before. "Beca, you need to pull your head out of your ass. He's gone and you have a career to save."

"That's easy for you to say Amy. You and Windshield Wiper-"

"-Bumper."

"Yeah, him. He's still around. He didn't leave you over something stupid."

"Beca, in all fairness, _you_ were the one who kicked Jesse out. What did you expect would happen?"

"I don't know!" Beca said waving her hands in the air. She had been doing that a lot lately and for no apparent reason at all. Realizing what she was doing, she tucked her hands under her knees.

"I'm calling bull shit Beca."

"Ok fine! I wanted him to fight back! I wanted him to apologize. He was supposed to love me! He was supposed to be _the_ one. I hate him for leaving me but at the same time I still love him." Beca said dropping her head into her hands. "God,do I love him."

"Now we're getting somewhere… finally!" Amy shouted, her voice echoing across the lake. In the distance a dog began barking but Amy didn't care. "It's ok to admit that you _just_ wanted angry make-up sex."

"Amy! It's not about the sex… ok, so maybe it is because I'll tell you that man is a fucking legend in the sack but it's more than that." Beca admitted. "I'd been gone a week and he destroyed my house not once but twice. And now… now everything is fucked up. I'm in the fucking woods for some stupid reason and I'm gonna lose my fucking career because I can't seem to keep my head in the game. I _just_ feel so distant and disconnected from everything and everyone."

"Well duh. Bec… we're here because we weren't working as a team. We were all doing our own thing and just barely getting by. A team is only as good as it's leader and well, our leader has been a little checked out lately. We want and need her back."

Beca looked up and smiled. Amy was right. She needed to get her head back in the game and she had a limited time frame to do that. It was time to buckle down and get shit done.

"Plus, Sawyer offered us a huge bonus if we agreed to come this weekend and dig you out of your funk."

"I _knew_ there had to be money changing hands!" Beca laughed out. She leaned against Amy for a second, in what she hoped Amy would recognize as an accepting gesture. Amy responded by reaching out and squeezing one of Beca's boobs.

"Annnnnd we're back to being handsy." Beca said, in mock annoyance, slapping Amy's hand away.

Amy could see a little twinkle in Beca's eyes and she knew that the Beca she knew and loved for so long was on her way back to them. She was likely to be a little grumpy in the morning because she hadn't slept but she was back and Amy knew if she could get hold of some birthday cake Oreos, she might be able to calm the beast. Beca was surprisingly easy to bribe with food. Sawyer had been right to send them on the retreat. It was the kick in the ass they all needed to get their team back on track.

"So flat butt… what next?"

"Well… I say we kick that Alice chick right square in the ass! Show her that we really can be a team!"

"YES!" Amy yelled as she started patting her tummy like a drum. "The girls and I will be right behind you."

"Question… Do you think we _should_ drug the others?"

 **o~O~o**

The next morning, just as the sun was creeping up over the camp, Alice stood near their tent and blew a whistle right into the opening as loud as she could. "Up and at'em ladies! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Wake up! Let's do this! Come on… pick up the pace ladies! COME ON!" Alice barked as the girls tumbled out of the tent, yawning broadly and rubbing their eyes. "Today, we're going back to the basics to relearn how to work as a team with enduring death defying team building trust exercises."

"What a great idea." Amy said excitedly, poking Beca in the ribs.

If looks could kill… Amy would have dropped dead right there. Beca had been up before the chickens, she hadn't eaten and there wasn't a Starbucks anywhere near the boonies. Deciding that something was better than nothing, she settled for a Red Bull from Lilly, she prayed Lilly hadn't laced it with something that would knock her dead on her ass, and her emergency granola bar from the bottom of her purse. It was pretty much a handful of crumbs and air and she lost most of it down her shirt. She was not a happy camper and Amy's excited puppy routine was not helping at all.

"Ok so, let's begin!" Alice said as she blew the whistle dangerously close to Beca's ear as she stumbled out of the tent for the second time, brushing crumbs from her shirt. She swore that Alice was going to be eating that whistle or blowing a tune out of her ass with it before the end of the weekend.

" _'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play  
_ _And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate  
_ _I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
_ _I shake it off, I shake it off  
_ _Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break  
_ _And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake  
_ _Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
_ _I shake it off, I shake it off"_

"Ok… that was two steps away from being _almost_ fun." Alice said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, what are we doing?"

"You're learning to work as a team, Beca." Alice sneered.

"Are we? Cuz this is stuff that we'll never use in everyday life or at the office." Beca straightened up to Alice.

"Beca, come on." Amy said giving her a sideways glance.

"No, none of us know how to work cohesively but I know it's not by building fires, fishing or rowing a fucking boat."

"These are exercises in finding togetherness." Alice started explaining with her patronizing Sunday school teacher voice and fake, plastic painted on Barbie smile. "Sometimes you have to break things down before you can build them back up-"

"-I've got more important things to do!"

"What could be more important than being here with us?" Amy asked. "I thought we had this conversation already?"

"Oh… I don't know… maybe like trying to find someone to sign to the label before I lose my job!"

"We know you've been checked out lately but I don't think it's that dire." Amy told her. "Quit being so damn dramatic."

"Amy…" Beca said rubbing her face. "Sawyer told me that if I don't sign someone in the next two weeks, then I'm fired."

"Oh!"

"Yeah… ' _oh'_!"

"Listen… I hate when we fight but-" Amy said looking sad.

"-Amy… I have shit to do! I have a career to save!"

"You can't just flake out on us now. Not when we're so close to kicking this teamwork shit in the ass. Plus I saw a workshop on how to make bunnies out of old socks and I wanted to-"

"-Oh my God Amy… really?! I just told you my job and essentially my career is on the fucking line and you're talking about fucking sock bunnies?!"

"It's your fucking fault we're here! We're all gonna lose our jobs if we don't figure this shit out!" Amy yelled, finally having enough of Beca's bullshit. She too was tired after their early morning chat and while she agreed that Alice needed to be taken down a peg or two, whining wasn't helping things at all. " _You_ kicked Jesse out and he didn't fight for your relationship so you decided to throw down one hell of a pity party and wallow in it. If Luke hadn't dragged your sorry ass to the office on Thursday, you'd still be in bed crying over what could've been."

"You're a fucking bitch sometimes Amy! Fuck this shit. I'm out of here!" Beca said, ignoring the amused look on Alice's face as she stood back and watched the interaction. Beca stormed off in the direction of the camp exit.

Kimmy saw where Beca was headed and clapped her hands together loudly as she tried to warn her, "Beca the sign!", but it was too late. Beca was swallowed up by a netted bear trap as quick as a flash and was soon precariously dangling from a tree while squealing like a stuck pig at the slaughterhouse.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! What the hell? What the? I'm seeing spots! I'm seeing spots!"

"Well, well, well… look who needs our help ladies." Amy said in her bitchiest tone, as she gathered the others around her.

"Not cool guys!"

"No, what's not cool is _you_ taking out your frustrations on _us_!" Amy yelled at her.

"Really? That's what you're going to say to me right now! Help me!" Beca pleaded. "I'm dying! I'm dying!"

The bear trap slipped slightly from the branch causing Beca to start squealing again. The girls realized this was no longer a joking matter, if Beca fell from the tree, she or someone else was going to get hurt.

"We need to get her down!" Kimmy told them, motioning for everyone to gather round to formulate a plan.

"Yeah… we need a ladder." Amy said as she turned toward Alice.

"No, we don't believe in ladders. They suggest a corporate hierarchy that's counterproductive to my team building program." Alice said, an evil smirk on her face.

"What the hell kind of operation are you running here?" Amy yelled. She looked back up into the tree and saw genuine panic on Beca's face.

"Ok… if I'm about to die, I'm sorry… I'm really sorry. I didn't mean any of that stuff I said. I love you. I love you awesome weirdos … I'm just so stressed out right now. This thing with Jesse hit me hard but I was wrong to wallow in it. I'm sorry." Beca whined as she clung to the net for dear life. "Please get me down."

"Beca… don't worry, we're gonna get you down." Amy said, much more kindly.

"Or, we could leave her up there for a bit." Kimmy told her. "Is now a good time to talk about my raise?" She turned as Amy pulled her into the group discussion.

"I'll get you a damn raise… just get me down!"

Beca watched as the girls formulated a plan to get her down. They had it all worked out and Amy had just started gesticulating wildly and grabbing at her boobs when suddenly, Beca fell out of tree, tangled up in all of the netting. She hit the ground hard, taking them all out like a bunch of bowling pins. They all looked up into the tree and saw Lilly hanging by her shoelaces from the branch above where Beca had just been swinging.

"I sleep upside down like a bat."

"Oh geez, she's off again." Amy laughed out as she reached down and picked Beca up in one easy movement.

And just that quickly, Lilly was back on her feet and standing next to Beca. She saw Kimmy staring and quickly put her hand over Beca's eyes. "Don't look at her … she'll turn you to stone." Lilly whispered loud enough for both Beca and Amy to hear.

"Watch out Medusa!" Amy said pointing a stick at Kimmy.

"I need to go and lie down for a bit." Beca said, rubbing her back. She brushed off the leaves and dirt as she turned to Alice. "What kind of wicked fucked up establishment are you running here?! My boss paid good money for us to be here to learn to be a team and yet you're not feeding us or giving us a place to sleep!"

"Yeah!" Amy agreed pointing to Beca. "Look at her… she's so malnourished that her belly button is fighting with her backbone!"

"Oh shut up Amy!" Beca barked, rubbing her tummy protectively.

"Ok ladies… look, you've just earned cots." Alice said cryptically.

"Cots?" Flo asked. "Do we to act like babies too?"

"But to keep the cots, you have to surrender something." Alice said.

"Like what?" Beca asked. "You already have my iPad."

"Your cell phones. All of them. I've been watching you."

"Are you a creeper?" Amy asked.

"Only when I need to be and I have to say, you are all glued to them. Try looking up every now and then." Alice continued.

"Phones for cots?" Beca questioned.

"Yes."

"Deal!" Beca exclaimed.

"But Beca-" Kimmy Jin began.

"-Save it for someone who cares. In fact, here's a quarter… find a pay phone and call someone who gives two shits." Beca said, digging around in her pocket for her phone. Everyone else did the same thing, shooting surprised looks at Beca who seemed overly keen to submit her phone. "Where do we get the cots from?"

"The camp store." Alice said as she finished gathering everyone's mobile devices.

"What the-" Amy began as she handed her only link to Bumper to the girl who looked like she was constantly sucking on a lemon.

"-I got us cots, didn't I?"

 ***WHISTLE***

"Damn it Amy! You're doing shit on purpose to make her blow that bloody whistle because you love Taylor Swift!" Beca pouted.

Amy giggled. "She said bloody!"

 ***WHISTLE***

This time the whistle was a lot louder than it was the first time Alice blew it, causing the girls to cover their ears. Just as Alice raised the whistle to her lips again the girls began singing.

" _'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play  
_ _And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate  
_ _I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
_ _I shake it off, I shake it off  
_ _Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break  
_ _And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake  
_ _Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
_ _I shake it off, I shake it off"_

"Very well done ladies!" Alice clapped.

"What's on the torture task list for today?" Beca asked.

"Today, you'll need to row a canoe across Kidd Cove to Treasure Island-"

Amy fist bumped the air. "-YES! Treasure Island… I've always wanted to go there."

"Amy… you should know that folklore says the island is haunted, so beware. I, personally, have never come across anything weird when I've been over there, but others haven't been so lucky." Alice retorted.

"That's cuz she scares the damn ghosts into dying another death." Amy whispered to Beca, causing both girls to start giggling.

"Ahem!" Alice cleared her throat to get their attention back on her. "Now… your canoe is by the dock." She said pointing. "Follow me ladies."

Flo walked closely to Beca, linking their arms together. "Miss. Beca, I don't do well with ghosts."

Beca patted her arm. "Flo, I don't think we have anything to worry about. Besides, we have Amy, Kimmy and Lilly to protect us."

"Ok… if Mr. Luke trusts you, then so can I."

Alice suddenly stopped walking and turned around to face the group. "This is where I leave you but don't think for a minute that I won't be watching and listening to everything that goes on."

"How do we know where to go?" Beca asked.

"There's a map with coordinates with your life vests." Alice told them. "Have fun ladies."

"But… without the GPS on our phones what good are the coordinates?" Kimmy pointed out.

Alice smirked. The girls were getting really sick and tired of that smirk. "This is where your team building skills will get put to the test."

"We're _fucked_!" Beca announced.

 **o~O~o**

The girls collected their life jackets and walked the rest of the way to dock. Mentally, Beca was trying to figure out how in the world they were all going to fit safely in the canoe. There didn't appear to be much room but somehow, some way they all had to fit; leaving someone behind was not an option.

As Lilly, Kimmy and Flo loaded themselves into the canoe, Beca stood shaking her head. She wasn't really sure this was going to work. How were five women going to row a canoe across a damn lake? Alice was out of her fucking mind if she thought they were ever going to get more than ten feet away from the dock. Shrugging her shoulders at the absurdity of it all, she grabbed her oar, got into the canoe and waited for Amy to join them.

When Amy finally loaded up, the canoe creaked and sighed. She sat behind the stern seat of the canoe which immediately sent the bow of the boat into the air and jostled the other girls. "Let's do this!" She bellowed.

One of the camp employees pushed the canoe away from the dock and instructed the girls to start paddling. The girls were paddling furiously but didn't seem to be going anywhere at all. Beca stopped to look back and saw Amy laid out, sunbathing.

"AMY!"

"What?"

"Oar. Paddle. Now!" Beca pointed.

"Yes, you were doing well." She said waving her hand around like she was Queen Elizabeth. "Proceed!"

Beca stood in the bow of the boat and told the others to duck so she could swing her oar at Amy without hitting any of them. "Amy… you're not going to be acting like a Queen when I shove that oar up your ass! Pick the oar up and start padding… and put some of that ass you are so proud of into it, will ya?!"

"Alright! Alright! Geez!" Amy said sitting up and reaching for her oar causing the canoe to rock violently. The girls stopped rowing and turned to glare at Amy.

"Be careful! You almost tipped us over!" Kimmy squawked. Amy responded by flipping her the bird.

The girls rowed for what seemed like forever when they realized that they hadn't looked at the coordinates and had no idea where they were headed. Lilly looked at the map and the coordinates before licking her index finger and holding up in the air. She maintained that position for several minutes before lowering her hand to grab her oar. They were a little off course, but she knew where they needed to go. Gently, she steered the boat in a slightly different direction and put them back on course to Treasure Island without saying a word to the others. The rest of the group turned to look at Beca for explanation but she just shrugged her shoulders and started paddling.

They rowed quietly across the calm, peaceful cove, occasionally passing another group of campers in another canoe. Rowing wasn't actually a bad task to have been assigned, but they all kept in mind that anything could happen once they arrived on Treasure Island.

Amy sighed. "It is entirely too quiet. Can we play a game… or something?"

"What kind of game?" Flo asked.

"We could ask more getting to know you questions." Lilly suggested.

"Yeah! That's cool. Amy said. "What is your favorite childhood memory?"

"Oh! That's easy." Flo said. "My favorite memory is being reunited with my family after my brother sold me for a chicken."

"Um, what?" Kimmy Jin asked but Beca shook her head as if to say, ' _don't ask!'_.

"Lilly, what about you?" Flo asked.

Lilly gave an evil grin. "Eating my twin in the womb. KJ… it's your turn."

Beca just shook her head. They were back to weirdness. She knew what her favorite memory was but she wasn't going to share it unless the girls asked her specifically to share a memory. Seriously, what was wrong with them rowing in silence?

"Becoming a black belt in Tae-kwon-do at seven years old."

"Wow!" Beca said finally breaking her silence. "That's impressive."

"Beca… it's your turn." Amy announced.

"Ugh… do I have to?"

"Yes, everyone else answered."

"No, you didn't say what your favorite childhood memory was." Beca reminded.

"Well... umm... I'm, oh tiny one… I'd have to say that meeting you in dance class was my favorite." Amy said, quietly.

"Aww…" The girls said in unison.

Amy and Beca both blushed. Beca remembered the day she met Amy like it was yesterday. Four year old Amy tapped her way into the studio while eating a chicken leg. When Miss. Sandy, their dance teacher told her that they weren't allowed to eat in the studio, Amy shrugged her shoulder, waved the chicken leg around and said " _Fine, have it your way but if my blood sugar pummels (she'd actually meant plummets), and I get dizzy, I'll fall on my face and my Oma and her award winning beetles (she meant beagles) will hunt you down."_

Beca laughed at the memory. She knew she wanted Amy on her side. She never wanted to go up against her. From that day on, Amy had been her best friend and together they faced the world and all that it threw at them. She honestly couldn't imagine her life without the weirdo. There was never a dull moment when Amy was around, she made things fun and interesting.

"Bec?"

"Oh... sorry." Beca apologized for zoning out. "Ummm… my favorite childhood memory is Tutu Tuesdays."

Kimmy's eyes were bugging out of her head. "Tutu Tuesday?"

"Yeah, I wanted to wear my tutu and tap shoes to school everyday but my mom wouldn't let me. So we compromised and she agreed to let me wear my tutu to school on Tuesdays only."

The girls, with the exception of Amy, started laughing. They couldn't imagine Beca in a Tutu much less enjoying it or saying it was her favorite memory. Something else they didn't know was that Beca was an accomplished dancer. She might just keep that tucked under her hat for a while longer, there was no need to divulge everything in one weekend.

"What's your favorite bumper sticker?" Lilly asked.

"Bwhahaha!" Beca laughed so hard she almost dropped her oar in the water. "Amy is my favorite bumper sticker cuz Bumper sure does love to stick'er!"

All of the girls started laughing uncontrollably and the canoe started the shake.

"Nah uh… a real bumper sticker."

"Ok, ok…" When Beca finally stopped laughing, she answered the question. "I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, "If you're gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair."

"I saw one that said 'Dance like your vaginas on fire'." Flo told them. "But why would my vagina be on fire?"

"Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup." Lilly told them.

Beca wasn't sure if Lilly mentioned the dragon bumper sticker because Flo said something about vaginas being on fire or not but it was perfectly timed. Lilly was very good about timing things just so which was why she and Kimmy were always going at each other for one reason or another. Surprisingly, they were known to work on projects quite well together, when they absolutely had to.

The girls continued to play twenty questions as they paddled across the cove. It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining and there was a slight breeze blowing. They couldn't have asked for a better day to be out in the open. Everything was going great and their spirits were high until a bumblebee, which had been interested in the honeysuckle body spray Lilly had used, got caught in Flo's hair and she freaked out. She dropped her oar in her panic and flailed her arms about as she tried to get away from the bee that was clearly not going anywhere soon.

As Flo stood up, the canoe began to rock. Lilly attempted to help Flo get the bee out of her hair but ducked when she saw Amy stand and swing her oar. Unfortunately, Flo wasn't as lucky. Amy hit her in the stomach with her oar, sending her into the cove with a loud splash that drowned out her shriek. When Kimmy and Beca had tried to reach out and grab her hands to keep her from falling over the side, the canoe capsized and the rush of cold water had them all squealing.

Everyone came coughing to the surface of the water at the same time. "Fuck Amy! Was that really necessary?" Beca asked, as she shot daggers in Amy's direction.

"I was only trying to help!" Amy protested.

"By taking Flo out with an oar?" Beca said as she wiped her eyes and reached for the side of the canoe.

Suddenly Flo screamed like someone was trying to kill her. "Miss Beca… something just brushed my leg. I think there's sharks in this water! My Abuela told me that I'm not from the meat ministry and that I should stay out of the sharks house."

Just then Lilly popped up slowly out of the water with a witchy smirk on her face. Clearly, she had had been what had just brushed Flo's leg.

"Flo… calm down. There are no sharks in this water. Everyone grab onto the canoe and help me flip it back over." Beca said in the best authoritative tone she could muster.

Everyone looked at Beca but didn't dare question what she'd told them to do because, for the first time since they'd arrived, she was taking her role as leader seriously. It was best to just follow orders. Once the canoe had been flipped, which was no easy task but between them they eventually managed it, the girls collected the oars and threw them in. Lilly swam the fifty yards or so to retrieve the oar that drifted towards the bank and nobody even thought to question why she was quaking like a duck as she pulled the oar back with her teeth.

When they were ready to get back in the canoe, Beca stopped them. "We need to figure this out." Beca told them. "We shouldn't have tipped over so easily."

The girls agreed. "Yeah, I think Amy should be in the middle of the canoe." Kimmy told them.

"Why's that?" Amy asked.

"So we all get a fair share of your awesomeness." Beca said, using all her strength not to roll her eyes.

"Well that's something I can work with." Amy laughed. "Who's gonna give me a boost?"

"Ames, we're standing in three feet of water."

"It looks more like four in your case." Amy retorted.

"Ok Amy… hop in!" Beca told her. "And I'll forget that remark in return for you behaving yourself for the next hour."

"Deal!" Amy said and Lilly, Kimmy and Flo held on side of the boat still so Amy could jump up.

Once in, Amy settled herself quickly and even managed to retrieve the Twinkie she'd had hidden under her original seat. She was tempted to hold it aloft like Rafiki held Simba in the Lion King but sensing the underlying tone in Beca's words just a few seconds ago and the fact that her friend was shivering, Amy swallowed her joke and held out her hand to help the others get in and they were soon back on their way.

 **o~O~o**

When they arrived on Treasure Island, over two hours later, the girls tied the canoe to the dock and removed their life vests. While they had almost dried off from their unplanned dip, their tennis shoes had soaked up most of the lake and squelched loudly as they walked across the wooden dock. Amy, having received the blame for the childish noises, protested it wasn't her and kindly offered Lilly a piggy back as she had seemingly lost her flip flops in the water. They began following the path that lead them away from the dock and left wet footprints on the absorbent tiles. Within a few minutes of wandering, almost aimlessly, they came across a campsite that looked a lot like their own back at The Lodge. Upon further inspection, they realized that in fact, it _was_ their campsite.

"Wait just a cotton picking minute!" Amy said as she stomped back toward the campsite they had just passed. "What are our things doing here?"

"More importantly… _HOW_ did our things get here?" Kimmy asked.

"Look… there's a note." Flo pointed to the piece of paper pinned to Beca's bag.

Beca unpinned the letter and began reading…

" _Ladies, I know you stole the tent you slept in last night. I hope you enjoyed it. As a consequence of your actions, you'll be spending the night on the island, without your stolen tent, and cannot return to the main campground until you've learned to work through everything you come across as a team. Sweet Dreams! ~Alice~"_

Beca threw the note on the ground. "That fucking bitch!"

"Now what do we do?" Flo asked no one in particular. "Where's Lilly?"

Everyone began looking around for Lilly. She'd clearly disappeared, for what seemed like the tenth time that day, but because she was always so quiet no one knew where she'd gone. Beca and Flo looked close to their camp while Amy and Kimmy wandered the island a bit looking for Lilly. They searched the island for over an hour and still hadn't found her, worry was starting to set in. If anyone could survive the island alone it was Lilly but that didn't make them worry any less.

They decided to start gathering things like firewood, kindling and stones that could be used to contain their fire. At least they'd be warm at night, even if they didn't have a tent. Now they just had to pray that it didn't rain. Beca organized the girls efficiently giving them each a task to do and everyone went off to do their jobs for the day.

Flo was sticking to Beca like a second skin. She was convinced that the ghosts had got Lilly and if they were coming to get her, Flo decided that she wasn't going alone, she was taking Beca with her.

Another hour passed and Beca was itching to row back to The Lodge to report Lilly missing. She suggested to the group that she make a quick schedule and they take it in turns to scout the shore line of the island while a couple remain around their fire. They all agreed that this was a good idea and Amy volunteered to take first patrol.

As the girls sat around their new campfire, huddled together to keep warm, they stared at each and wondering where the fuck Lilly had gone, Amy stood up rather suddenly and took a couple of steps away from the group before she stopped in her tracks and started sniffing the air like a bloodhound. "I smell… I smell…" Amy said continuing to sniff the air like a hungry puppy. She looked triumphantly at the three girls sat tightly together on the large log. "I smell... a quarter pounder!"

"She's lost it." Flo whispered to Beca.

Beca leaned in, "She never had it."

"What are you guys doing?"

"LILLY!" Beca yelled, scaring the bejesus out of Flo. "Where the _fuck_ have you been?"

Lilly smiled. "I went out for dinner. I did tell you but I don't think you heard me." She told them as she removed her backpack from her back. She pulled out a large brown paper bag. "See!"

"Oh my God! Lilly, I love you!" Beca said she she took the quarter pounder that Lilly offered her. She unwrapped the burger and was about to take a bite when it hit her. She paused and cast her eyes sideways as Lilly handed out burgers to the other girls. "Wait! How did you get to a McDonald's?"

She shrugged. "Snoop loaned me his water skis."

"Snoop?" Beca asked.

"Yeah! Snoop... D... O... double G. He's over there…" Lilly turned and pointed toward The Lodge.

The girls turned to look in the direction Lilly was pointing in but all they saw was a young girl taking off a set of water skis at the edge of the lake. Too hungry to care who she was, Beca began eating her dinner and finished in record time.

Lilly had brought them food and it was the best damn thing they had eaten since they left Beca's house the day before. It was Amy who suddenly remarked on the teenager between a mouthful of burger and a few loose fries that she'd stolen from Lilly's bag.

"Hey, who's the teenage dream?"

"I found her sitting in McDonalds." Lilly said, brushing the errant salt off of her clothes.

"You found her?"

"Yes, she was sitting all alone. I tasered her and she-"

"-Tasered? You what?" Beca hissed. She unwound Flo from her side and tried to stand up.

"How was I supposed to get her to come with me if I didn't?" Lilly asked.

"Why the fuck did you bring her with you?" Beca asked as she slipped her soggy Chucks back on. "You kidnapped her."

"Not exactly."

"How do you mean 'not exactly'?" Beca said incredulously as she began walking towards the girl who was standing awkwardly by the edge of the lake.

"Well, she isn't a kid." Lilly remarked as she stuffed a couple of fries into her mouth and looked victorious.

Beca hurried down to the lake and approached the tall, lanky girl with caution.

"Hi."

"Erm, hello?" Beca said, confused that the girl didn't seem scared at all.

"I can't believe I've met the woman who has single handedly created some of the best sounds in the world."

"Um, what?" Beca said.

"Your friend was muttering something about if I followed her, all my dreams would come true. You're Beca Mitchell, right? From Warner's?"

"And you believed her?" Beca asked, stunned at what was unfolding before her eyes. Amy soon joined them, brandishing a large stick that she'd found. She stood in front of Beca and shielded her from the teenager.

"Behold!" Amy yelled out, still enjoying the word that she'd discovered the night she was sliding down the staircase. "None shall pass!"

"You must be Amy? It's an honor to meet you!"

"An honor to... wait, what?" Amy asked, confused. She began to poke at the girl with her tree branch.

"Lilly has told me everything about you all. I'm so excited to meet you."

"Enchanté!" Amy said, and held out her hand which the girl awkwardly shook. Beca immediately noticed her hands were tied together but that fact didn't seem to be bothering the perky teen; something that she thought was a little odd.

"So, what's your name?" Beca asked, as she loosened the rope around the young girl's wrist.

"I'm a Junk."

"What did you say about your junk?" Amy asked, continuing to prod at the long haired brunette with the stick she'd found.

"No, my name is Emily. Emily Junk."

"Junk as in..."

"Yep. I took my Mom's name. My Dad's name is Eric Hardon and I-"

"-Yeah, no explanation needed." Beca said, tossing the rope that she'd pulled off of Emily's wrists onto the ground. "Why did Lilly snatch you out of McDonalds? Why did you follow her so easily? Why were your wrists tied?"

"Oh, she just mentioned you were at The Lodge and my cousin works here so I thought I'd hitch a ride. She tied my hands up so I could ski over the lake."

"Who is your cousin?"

"Alice. Alice Junk. She's a camp counsel-"

"-Alice's surname is Junk?!" Amy yelled, a little too loudly. A couple of birds flew out of the trees.

"Yeah." Emily confirmed, looking up to the trees where Lilly, Kimmy and Flo were watching their interaction. "Oh, you have a fire going?"

"You want to go and get warmed up?" Beca asked, giving Amy a shove to get her moving. Amy jabbed her with the stick so Beca snatched it out of her hand and snapped it in half over her knee.

The three girls walked back to the camp fire and Lilly moved over so that Emily could sit down. She put her hands out to the fire and rubbed them together for a couple of minutes.

"Why are you guys all here?" Emily asked.

"Boss Lady had a meltdown. So we are here to reconnect her dots." Flo said motioning toward Beca.

"So what, you are a bunch of girls who what, hang out?" Emily asked.

"No, we all work together. Except Flo... she works for my best friend over at Universal." Beca answered.

"Oh cool." Emily said, continuing to rub her fingers together near to the flames. "I like fire."

"I set fires to feel joy." Lilly mumbled as she stared at the burning embers. Amy began to sing loudly in response, grabbing a glowing branch and twirling it around her head.

" _I'm the trouble starter, punking instigator.  
_ _I'm the fear addicted, danger illustrated.  
_ _I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter,  
_ _you're the firestarter, twisted firestarter."_

"Do you like singing?" Kimmy asked Emily, ducking as the shower of sparks flew all around them.

"I guess so. My Mom says I've got a pretty decent singing voice."

"Well, let's hear it then." Flo said, encouragingly.

"What do you want me to sing?"

"Whatever floats your boat."

"Or water skis." Lilly mused.

"Well, I was working on my own sound in McDonalds. The wifi is free in there and I just, you know, thought I'd sound out some words when Lilly found me."

"Let's hear it then." Beca said quietly.

" _When tomorrow comes  
_ _I'll be on my own  
_ _Feeling frightened of  
_ _The things that I don't know  
_ _When tomorrow comes  
_ _Tomorrow comes  
_ _Tomorrow comes"_

Beca looked over to Lilly as Emily sang out her song. She wasn't note perfect but Beca liked the way she sounded.

" _And though the road is long  
_ _I look up to the sky  
_ _And In the dark I found, I stop and I won't fly  
_ _And I sing along, I sing along, then I sing along"_

Beca was still staring at Lilly as Emily began to do some fair clunky dance moves as she continued to sound out the words.

"You're welcome." Lilly whispered and Beca grinned. This fresh sound was exactly what Warner's needed. Beca knew that she could work with the girl if she'd be open to some suggestions but she could also see Sawyer's face as Kimmy Jin started tapping her knees to create a beat. Emily continued to sing.

" _I got all I need when I got you and I  
_ _I look around me, and see sweet life  
_ _I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight  
_ _You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night  
_ _Can't stop my heart when you shinin' in my eyes  
_ _I can't lie, it's a sweet life  
_ _I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight  
_ _You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night  
_ _Cause you're my flash light  
_ _You're my flash light, you're my flash light"_

"You wrote that?" Beca asked, clearly impressed. Emily was a little screechy in places but knew that with some vocal coaching and autotune that they could iron out those kinks in no time.

"Sure did."

"How old are you?"

"I'm eighteen."

"Wow."


	15. Chapter 14: Deals and Decisions

**A/N: Hey guys! Here's the next chapter. I'm hoping to get back to updating this story once a week and right now I'm shooting for Saturdays... more than that is just crazy! Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story. I read each and every review and appreciate all of them.**

 **Corinne (waatp) Thanks for being an amazing beta! Most importantly, thanks for taking the time out of your super busy schedule this week to beta this chapter. I truly appreciate it.**

 **Becca (sarcasticbella089)** **Thanks for your friendship and support and for trusting me to beta your story.**

 **People... you seriously need to check out the stories these ladies write! They're amazing and you won't be sorry! You'll love them as much as I do!**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Deals and Decisions  
o~O~o**

 **Two Weeks Later…**

Sawyer was quite pleased with himself as he sat in his plush corner office at Warner; his gamble had actually paid off… big time. It was a good thing it had worked because he didn't have a backup plan if it hadn't. He never had any real intention of firing Beca, because doing so would have been like shooting himself in the foot. However, if the execs had said she was a liability then he would have had to let her go. He wanted and needed her to realize what she was risking if she didn't come out of the funk she had been in. Sawyer cared about her life more than he let on; he had quite the soft spot for his tiny, fierce talent scout and he wanted to see her well.

He had been checking in with Alice periodically while the girls were at the lodge. Her initial reports were exactly what Sawyer expected. He knew the girls were out of sync and needed guidance but he wasn't exactly sure what to do. When Alice reported that the girls had resorted to sneaky tactics and stealing to get the things they needed, he initially chuckled to himself, secretly enjoying the fact that Beca was so uncomfortable. Sawyer then told Alice to "pull the rug from underneath them", which resulted in their banishment to Treasure Island for the second night.

What ultimately made the girls trip to the retreat successful was that they had finally stopped bickering long enough to start listening to one another and managed to start working as a team. The weekend had worked well and Beca was a lot calmer by the time they returned home, and even went so far as suggesting that the girls all come around for a barbeque the following week with their partners and families. While the thought of any offspring of Lilly's was potentially quite a scary thought, Beca was curious to see Kimmy Jin with her four children.

As Beca unpacked that night and put a load of clothes in the machine, she felt lucky that they'd found Emily Junk, an eighteen year old college freshman with amazing talent, boundless enthusiasm and 'giraffe legs'. Amy had sworn and even crossed her heart and hoped to die that she'd behave herself at the BBQ if Beca let her use a giraffe on Emily's first album cover. Beca said she'd think about it.

Emily was not only a very accomplished singer but she showed a flair for songwriting as well and as far as Sawyer and Beca were concerned, she was the next big thing. She had a wholesome, 'girl next door' look that could win the hearts of the public, but she had enough unique things to keep things interesting and had already expressed an interest in a complete image overhaul in a couple of albums time. While Beca didn't think that was necessary just yet, she respected her for her willingness to go the distance for the right career path. Emily was going to be the girl that all the tweens and teens gushed over and caught the eye of all the guys. She had a good sense of humor and was able to take direction well and could even manage a sensible conversation with Fat Amy when the Australian was off on one of her rants.

Emily seemingly had it all.

 **o~O~o**

Beca's transformation didn't take place overnight and while the retreat had taken the edge off of her anxiety, she still slept with a pillow tucked firmly behind her back to replace Jesse. She had a long way to go but she was so much better than she had been only weeks before. Beca started eating better and replaced Oreos, chips and ice cream for steamed vegetables, grilled fish and chicken and green smoothies. She also added yoga, pilates and spin classes to her normal routine. She was attending classes several times a week, which was really helping her to regain focus and mellow out. She started running every morning and working out with a trainer on a daily basis; she couldn't remember a time when she had felt so good. Beca was finally learning what it was like to relax and take things with a grain of salt. Most importantly though, she was finally starting to mend her broken heart and feel like her old self again.

What made things better was that her team was once again working like a well oiled machine. They didn't cower or hide when she walked through the office in the morning. She greeted them with smiles and brought them treats from the corner bakery a couple of times a week. Her office and her staff were warm and friendly; inviting even. The girls were still plenty weird but Beca was better equipped to handle it now… and growling at them was no longer an option. She still occasionally struggled with the two ice queens but usually a glare was more than enough to end whatever their current argument was.

The girls were getting better about knowing what needed to be done before Sawyer or anyone else had to ask and he would happily admit that he liked it that way. Sawyer liked that they knew what moves he was going to make before he made them. The icing on the cake was that they were bringing solid ideas to weekly team meetings and really pulling their weight again. Even Amy seemed calmer and while the weird suggestion of Naked Wednesdays did not get approved, she brought a fresh approach to Battle of the Bands that Sawyer was interesting in trying the following year. Beca was secretly pleased that Amy was happy to take point for that competition and even encouraged Amy's plan of doing a Dongs In Thongs set.

Pretty soon everyone began to comment about Beca's team and how they wished Sawyer would send them away for a few days too. When Beca heard that, she chuckled. They had no idea the torture that she and the girls had endured while they were in Big Bear Lake. She was sure they all thought that they lived the high life at a local spa. Boy, were they ever mistaken!

Beca wasn't quite ready to admit that the retreat was, in fact, the best thing she'd done in months. While she still bore the rope burn from being scooped up in the bear net, there was no doubt in her mind that she'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

 **o~O~o**

Beca's work schedule had been crazy since they got back, but if she was honest, it had always been. She loved her job so she ignored the long hours and the impromptu calls to come into the office over the weekend. Her job was demanding and often kept her at the office or in the studio until very late. She didn't mind the hours because it often meant that she wasn't thinking about her train wreck of a love life.

It was almost Midnight and after working a sixteen hour day, most of it spent in the studio with Emily, she finally decided to call it day. Beca did try and credit Lilly with discovering Emily but Lilly was having none of it, claiming that Mr. Anderson was out to get her and she wasn't sure whether to take the blue pill or the red pill. Beca had the good sense to Google his name before questioning Lilly on her latest oddball statement. She was refreshingly pleased to see it was from the film, The Matrix rather than a new avenue of weirdness.

Emily's drive and determination to create the perfect debut album impressed Beca. She hadn't complained once about the long hours or anything she had been asked to do. She wanted this just as badly as Beca did and was determined to make it in the music industry. She would text Beca late into the evening with suggestions and would listen when Beca told her that she felt Emily was trying too hard or thinking too far ahead.

Beca, noticing that the clock on her laptop, quickly replied to a few emails and finished up a few other things in her office before deciding to head home. She grabbed her purse and walked toward the elevator, saying goodnight to the one of the overnight security guards on her way out. As she waited for the elevator to arrive on the ground floor, all she could think was that she was so glad it was Friday because she was ready for the weekend, a hot bath, a good book and a bottle of wine.

Beca was officially operating on autopilot. She hardly remembered getting out of the elevator and walking to her car, let alone getting in and driving away, when suddenly she was being brought back to the present by her phone ringing. It was then that she realized she was driving down Ventura Boulevard in the direction of home.

"Hello." She responded, yawning at the same time.

"Hey Bec… you home?" Her mother's voice came through the speakers of her car loudly.

"No, I just left work. What's up?"

"Rebeca! You shouldn't be working this late."

"Yeah Mom, I know but I just signed that girl Emily I was telling you about, and well… she's good. Really good."

"No buts Beca, I'm worried about you." Anne explained, in a slightly scolding yet concerned tone. "It's not healthy for you to be going like this, you're burning the candle at both ends. You work entirely too many hours and UnGodly ones at that. If you're not at work you're at the gym or some new stand on your head class that Aubrey's talked you into going to."

Beca sighed. "Mom, I'm fine. I promise."

"You're my only child and I just-"

"-Mom… I'm fine. Why are you calling so late?" Beca was suddenly worried. "Is Daddy ok?" If her mother was getting ready to tell her that something was wrong with her dad she was gonna lose it. She was finally getting over this thing with Jesse, she damn sure didn't need anything to be wrong with her parents.

"Daddy's fine." Anne told her. "I was just calling to see if you wanted to go to brunch on Sunday with me, Aunt Gail and Aubrey."

"Sure, that sounds great. What about Dad and Uncle John?"

"They're playing golf at the country club."

Beca yawned again. "Oh… so where and what time Sunday?"

"We're meeting at the house at ten. Then we'll drive to Del Frisco's Grille in Santa Monica."

"Yes!" Beca said excitedly. "Chicken and waffles!"

"What is it with you and chicken and waffles?"

"Oh my God Mom, they're _so_ good!"

Anne laughed. "Ok baby, drive safe and I'll see you Sunday. I love you!"

"I love you too Mom. Give Daddy my love."

As much as she hated to admit it, her mom was right. It was entirely too late to be working and she did need to do a better job of keeping a more consistent schedule and workable hours. Los Angeles wasn't the safest of cities and she thought nothing of working until Midnight, sometimes later, then walking out to her car alone. It certainly wasn't one of the smartest things she'd ever done. She never claimed to be street smart.

She hated driving so late at night, especially when she was this tired, but that never stopped her from burning the Midnight oil. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd slept in her office and showered at the company gym on the 45th floor because it was too late and she was too tired to drive home. She made a mental note to pack a few things to bring to the office since she never really knew when she would be staying.

Beca was nothing if not dedicated to her craft. It was her goal to always turn out the best records from the best artists and it showed. There wasn't an award out there that she, and the artists she produced, weren't nominated for. Sure, she was young and still relatively new to the business but she produced good, quality music. It was often mentioned in the press, that Warner had the potential to take a chunk of the unchartered market.

Beca was a valued and appreciated producer. She had a well trained ear and was often called into the studio by other producers at Warner when they had trouble with arrangements or things just didn't sound right. The running joke throughout the office and the studio was that she was the K-9 of Warner Records. Just like a police dog was trained to sniff out drugs she could she detect flaws in arrangements almost instantly.

She looked around as she sat impatiently waiting for the light at the corner of Las Virgenes Road and Agoura Road to turn green, when something or rather, someone suddenly caught her eye. There, laying on a bench in front of McDonald's was Jesse. He was laid out flat, hands behind his head and his legs crossed at the ankle. He was drenched in sweat and wearing only a threadbare short sleeved t-shirt, torn, holey shorts and flip flops that had definitely seen better days.

Even at Midnight the temperatures were in the high 90's and steam was rising from grates in the street. Los Angeles had been experiencing one of the worst heatwaves in history and Beca knew he had to be burning up. She felt her heart lurch at seeing Jesse again after all this time and her breath caught in her throat at the state he was in. She noticed that under the neon lights of the McDonald's sign, he looked almost ghostly. She shook her head several times to rid the images from her eyes. Beca needed to remember that he was no longer her concern.

When the light turned green, Beca shook her head again and she drove away. She had come too far and been through too much and she couldn't let him get to her, not now. She'd been working so hard to forget him and most importantly, to forgive him for what he'd done. She couldn't let him back in now.

"FUCK!" Beca yelled as she hit the steering wheel with her fist. She didn't make it four blocks before she found herself turning around to go back. Sure Jesse was a total fucking douche canoe and she didn't owe him anything but she wasn't a heartless bitch. She couldn't leave him there in the worst heat on record not when she had someplace for him to escape it and cool for him to sleep.

Beca pulled into the McDonald's parking lot and cautiously took in her surroundings before getting out of her car. If she got clubbed in the back of the head and she actually lived to see another day, her mother would never, ever let her live it down. In fact, if her mother knew what she was currently doing, she'd have Beca committed for sure.

 **o~O~o**

Jesse laid on the bench staring up into the night sky. It was an amazingly clear night and as much as he would have liked to see the stars it just wasn't something that happened in Los Angeles.

It was so uncomfortably hot. Jesse could feel the heat rising from the ground and he was sweating in places he didn't think he'd ever sweated in before. He needed something to do to keep his mind from frying in the intense heat; he was hungry, thirsty and the uncomfortable bench was playing havoc with his back. The familiar tune of the song he'd written just a few days earlier played through his mind. Without thinking, he began singing.

" _God, I'm down here on my knees  
'Cause it's the last place left to fall  
Beggin' for another chance  
If there's any chance at all  
That You might still be listenin'  
Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me_

 _I've spent my whole life  
Gettin' it all wrong  
And I sure could use Your help  
'Cause from now on_

 _I want to be a good man  
A do like I should man  
I want to be the kind of man  
The mirror likes to see_

 _I want to be a strong man  
And admit that I was wrong man  
God, I'm asking You to come change me  
Into the man I want to be_

 _If there's anyway for her and me  
To make another start  
Could You see what You could do  
To put some love back in her heart?  
'Cause it goin' to take a miracle  
After all I've done to really make her see_

 _That I want to be a stay man  
I want to be a brave man  
I want to be the kind of man  
She sees in her dreams_

 _God, I want to be Your man  
And I want to be her man  
God, I only hope she still believes  
In the man I want to be_

 _Well, I know this late at night the talk is cheap  
But Lord, don't give up on me_

 _I want to be a givin' man  
I want to really start livin', man  
God, I'm asking You to come change me  
Into the man I want to be"_

Tears ran down his face. He did want to be a good man, the problem was that he'd always been bad. He'd been born into a life that was a struggle from the moment he was born, he'd committed crimes to stay ahead of the game and keep his brothers fed. He felt remorse and a hint of shame over his actions but knew he couldn't turn back the clock. He refused to hate his mother but he no longer felt compassion for her at all. He didn't know if being good was something he could actually do. Could a leopard change its spots?

Meeting Beca was one of the best things to ever happen to him and he was still amazed, even now, that she'd taken such a shine to him all those months ago. He'd messed up the one thing in his life that was good. Beca brought something to his world that he never knew he needed. Now that she was gone, he knew exactly what he was missing and he was powerless to change it.

 **o~O~o**

As Beca walked toward Jesse she took note of how terrible he looked. He'd lost weight and clearly hadn't eaten or showered in a while.

"Jesse." She called his name as she approached him. "Jesse." She said again using the toe of her shoe to poke him in the leg.

His eyes shot open and he started moving at the sound of her voice. "Beca?"

"Yeah Jess… it's me." She said gently. "I saw you laying here and wanted to check on you, make sure you were ok."

"What are you doing here?"

"What am _I_ doing here?" She asked defensively, folding her arms over her chest. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I have nowhere else to go." he said sitting up on the bench making room for Beca to sit.

"I'll stand thanks." She said acknowledging the gesture. She was wearing a newly acquired black and grey Badgley Mischka dress that she really liked and didn't want to ruin by sitting on a filthy bench. Typically she'd never spend five hundred dollars on a dress and another seventy five to have it tailored just to wear to work but when she saw that the style of the dress was called "Emily" she had to have it, especially since Emily seemed to be her good luck charm lately.

"Where's Casey?" She asked, gulping hard.

"He's been staying with some chick he met a bar." Jesse told her, taking in her appearance. She always dressed nice and that night was no different. She was wearing a short, tight dress that he'd never seen her wear before and she looked absolutely amazing. He noted that, she too, had lost weight, her hair had a lovely sheen to it that he wasn't sure had been there before and her eyes were sparkling. He wasn't sure if it was just the bright glow from the Golden Arches, but she looked great, healthy even.

"Oh, that's nice." Beca said, rolling her eyes. "That's just like Casey to leave you for a strange piece of ass and a place to stay. To hell with you, right?!"

"Bec-"

"-No Jesse… You always looked out for the both of you but he gets away with being selfish!"

Jesse shook his head. Beca had a point. Jesse had asked if Casey could stay with them and Beca had agreed to take him in, no questions asked. It had been Casey's choice to turn the offer down "Beca, come on… at least I know he's taken care of."

"Doesn't make it right."

"I know but what am I supposed to do?" Jesse asked her. "I can't make them let me stay."

Beca shook her head. This argument was getting them absolutely nowhere. "Is that duffle bag yours?" She asked pointing to the bag under the bench.

Jesse looked around then down at the well worn bag. "Well, I don't see any other fucking homeless ass bums laying around… do you?"

"Really?" Beca barked back at him. "I'm here trying to help you and you're going to take that tone and attitude with me right now?!"

Jesse froze. The last time she yelled at him he had been a total fucking dick and now he realized that he had just done the exact same thing. "I'm sorry. I just… I… Why are you here?"

"You know what? Nevermind… forget it." Beca said throwing her hands up in the air, her Louboutin's clicking on the pavement as she stormed off toward her car. She didn't need his bullshit. He could stay on the street as far as she was concerned. She tried to do the right thing and once again he threw it in her face.

"Beca! Wait…"

She spun around. "Why? So you can continue to treat me like some doormat that you wipe your shitty shoes on? Oh wait! You don't have a door!" She yelled. "You're a fucking douchebag Jesse! I don't know who took a piss in your fucking Cheerios but it sure as hell wasn't me and I certainly don't need or deserve this shit from you!" She said as she opened the door to her car. "Good luck."

Jesse knew she was right, he was a douchebag. For whatever reason she felt compelled to stop and check on him and he'd been a complete ass to her. He ran his hands through his greasy hair. "Beca… I'm sorry. Please wait?" He pleaded.

She turned and glared at him. "Why should I?"

"I'm sorry. Yes, the duffle bag is mine." He said actually having the decency to look ashamed of himself.

"So… why should I give a fuck about it now?" She asked putting her hands on her hips.

"I… uhh…" Jesse couldn't give her a reason why she should care.

"A fuck has to be earned Jesse! I can't go down the street with a bucket of fucks and hand them out to everyone. If I feel you've earned it, then I'll give you a fuck but right now… you haven't earned a fuck!"

Jesse lost his eyebrows in his hairline and made a note to self… she doesn't have a fuck-it bucket! Got it. She was tiny, she was fierce, she was beyond pissed off and right now, he was actually kind of scared of her. "Look… I'm sorry." Jesse said again. "You caught me off guard. You're the absolute last person I ever expected to stop and ask how I was doing."

"And yet I did… even after everything you've done." Beca told him finally lowering her voice. "Look… I've had a long day. I just left work. My feet hurt, I'm dying for a glass of wine and a hot bath but I stopped to check on your sorry ass because despite everything that's happened, I _do_ care."

It was hotter than hell outside yet, chills ran up his spine and he wasn't entirely sure what to say or do. "Beca… I…"

Beca put her hand up to stop him. "Are there drugs in the bag?"

Jesse sighed. "Beca, I can't afford a place to sleep, I certainly can't afford drugs."

"Jesse, I'm not a druggie but even I know that there's more than one way to pay for drugs." Beca told him. "A good piece of ass will get you just as much drugs as a fist full of cash."

"Bec-"

"-Yes or no Jesse?"

"No, there aren't any drugs in my bag." Jesse huffed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Do you want to look?"

"No. Unlike some people I know, I don't go through things that aren't mine."

Her statement was like a knife to the heart.

"I deserve that." He told her.

"Ya think?" She asked turning around to get in the car. "Come on."

Jesse turned looking confused. "What?"

"I said, come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Home."

"Umm… Bec, we broke up, remember?"

"No, we didn't… you left."

"You kicked me out… remember?"

"Oh, believe me…" She said with a slight chuckle. "... I remember but I can't leave you out here to cook in the sweltering heat. Unless, of course, you tell me that you want to stay on the bench in the heat, in which case, I'll happily get back in my air conditioned car and drive home to my comfortable home and have a cool glass of wine and something good to eat." Beca told him.

"I... uhh…"

Beca rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "You can stay in the guest house tonight, and we can talk about your living arrangements in the morning."

Jesse's eyes grew wide with shock. "Are you sure?"

"Last chance… my house or the bench? What's it gonna be?" Beca asked him.

If he was honest, he didn't know what to do. He had been a total shit her just now and she was still willing to help him. Was she even human? He glanced at the bench as it had been his bed for the last four nights.

"Hello… Earth to Jesse!" Beca started waving her hands to get Jesse's attention.

"Oh… yeah, what?"

"Oh my God! Are you seriously considering the fucking bench right now? I'm melting out here!"

Jesse grabbed his duffle bag and walked toward the car. "Thank you."

Beca didn't say a word. She simply started the car, cracked the windows because, damn if he smell like like a dead skunk and started driving. She couldn't get home soon enough.

 **o~O~o**

The drive to Beca's house was painfully awkward and quiet… not to mention long. Jesse didn't know what to make of Beca's sudden act of kindness though he really shouldn't have been surprised. She really was one of the sweetest people he'd ever met. He didn't want to be her charity case but he could use a hot shower, clean clothes and a decent night's sleep.

He had tried calling her several times since they broke up and she promptly bitch buttoned him each and every time. "I tried to call." Jesse said finally breaking the silence. "I left you a bunch of messages."

"Yeah, I got them."

Beca had gotten each and every message Jesse left. She listened to them so many times that she could recite each one word for word. Each message sounded heartfelt and made her miss him even more than she already did.

" _Hey. It's me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for the way I left things. I shouldn't have walked out on you the way I did. Forgive me?"_

 _"Beca, please pick up the phone."_

 _"I was wrong. I said I was wrong. Beca, I love you. Please call me back."_

But she also knew that she couldn't be so quick to take him back. He needed to prove himself and maybe this was the way things were supposed to happen.

She turned onto Peacock Ridge Road and made her way to the end of the street before pulling through the gated entry, and driving down the long winding drive and into the garage. Without saying a word, she got out of the car and headed into the house. When Jesse didn't follow, she walked back to the garage.

Leaning against the door frame, she reached down to remove her heels. "Are you getting out of the car?"

Jesse shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Oh yeah… I'm coming."

He followed Beca through the house and out to the guesthouse. She unlocked the door and let him in.

"There should be clean linens on the bed and in the bathroom."

"Thanks." He said looking around. She had changed quite a few things but then he supposed she had to, a lot had been destroyed as a result of the parties he threw.

"There's snacky stuff in the cabinets and sandwich stuff in the fridge. There's a small box of your stuff in the corner. Your phone charger is in there." She told him. "Silvana just put a new bottle of laundry detergent and fabric softener in the laundry room." She said, opening the laundry room door. "Get settled in and we'll talk in the morning."

As Jesse started throwing the few items of clothes he had in the washing machine, Beca turned and headed back toward the door.

"Beca…"

"Yeah…" she said turning to face him.

"Thank you."

Beca nodded and smiled a smile that didn't quite touch her eyes. "G'nite."

Beca left Jesse to make himself at home in her guest house. While things between them were over, she couldn't, in good conscience, leave him out on the street. It was against everything she believed in. She believed everyone deserved a second chance. They also deserved a roof over their head, a place to sleep and food in their belly. So if that meant that she helped Jesse out for a bit until he was back on his feet, then so be it. Beca knew if she thought of it as a business arrangement, then maybe she wouldn't fall for him all over again.

When she got inside the house, she locked up and set the alarm before going upstairs to shower. After finally washing off the day, she poured herself a glass of wine and some cheese and crackers then snuggled down into her bed. She reached for her laptop and drafted an agreement between herself and Jesse that outlined the parameters of this new living arrangement. She was the daughter of a judge after all and she wasn't going to allow herself to be taken advantage of again. She didn't know if Jesse would agree to everything but if he was smart and wanted a cheap place to stay then he'd at least think about it long and hard before he made a decision.

 **o~O~o**

The next morning Jesse woke to the sound of Beca talking on the phone out by the pool. He stretched and reached for his phone. Shit! It was no longer morning. It was afternoon… three o'clock in the afternoon to be exact. How long had he been asleep? He hadn't felt this good in months.

He got up, made his way over to the window and peeked out. Beca was laying on a chaise lounge near the pool wearing a barely there blue strapless bikini that matched her eyes. He loved the relaxed look on her face; it was a lot different from the last time he'd seen her. He thought back to the night they met all those months ago.

She was beyond talented, sexy and desirable. He was sure that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and she came to him. She wanted him… ok, so initially she didn't want him in that way but eventually she did. She was good to him too. She'd taken him into her heart and her home and he'd destroyed both without so much as a second thought.

Was it possible that maybe she could find it in her heart to forgive him and possibly give him a second chance? He knew she had a huge heart but he also knew that he'd broken it. He'd lost her trust and without trust did they really have anything at all?

He was shaken from his thoughts when he heard Beca laughing. "Aubrey, you can't be serious right now?

He missed that sound; her laugh was infectious. He missed her smile. He missed the way her skin felt against his. If he was being honest, he missed everything about her. He felt himself getting hard, just thinking about her and for the record, he knew it was not just morning wood, this was all Beca's doing. She did this to him. Every. Single. Time. She always had and she always would. No other woman had ever had this effect on him.

"Ok fine Aubrey. Yeah… I'll talk to you later. Love you too! Bye."

Jesse watched Beca lay her phone on the table next to her, plug her earbuds in and roll over onto her belly. He groaned as she unhooked her bikini top to avoid a tan line across her back and went to sleep in the afternoon sun.

He wanted nothing more than to be able to lay next to her and touch her beautiful alabaster skin. He had given up the right to do that when he walked out without so much as a fight. She had told him to get out… so he did and he never even looked back. Sure he'd hung around hoping that she'd come after him but instead she'd called Luke. Luke… it was always about Luke.

Jesse knew he should have made his presence known but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was the entire package and if it killed him, he was going to do whatever it took to get her back. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him and her wanted her to know that.

He walked to the laundry room switched the loads, grabbed a pair of clean boxers and shorts then went to shower. He'd quickly showered the night before to remove the top two layers of dirt and grime so as not to ruin Beca's Egyptian cotton sheets but it was the first shower he'd taken in a while that he could really scrub himself clean and he thoroughly enjoyed it.

 **o~O~o**

Twenty minutes later, Jesse found himself, once again, taking in the sight of the woman that had stolen his heart. The woman that he feared he'd never again get to be with. He shook his head and wondered how he should even approach her at this point. Things were far from good between them and just because she had been kind enough to take him in the night before didn't mean that things were going to get better or that he'd be welcomed to stay. She did say that they would discuss his living arrangements but he had no idea what she had in mind.

Grabbing a towel, he decided to make his way out to the pool. If he stayed holed up in the pool house he'd never find out what her plan was. He quietly walked over to the chaise lounge next to hers. He hated to disturb her but didn't want her to be startled when she woke up and saw him laying next to her or swimming in the pool.

"Hey." He said softly as he put his towel on the chaise.

"Hey." She responded groggily as she reached around her back to secure her bikini top. "You sleep ok?"

"I did… thanks."

"Hungry?" She asked, needing an excuse to go inside for the contract she'd drawn up.

Jesse smiled. "Always."

Standing up, she pulled on a pair of cut off shorts and said, "I'll be right back."

Jesse watched as she walked inside. Laying back on the chaise, he wondered when they would broach the subject of his living arrangements but decided he wasn't going to bring it up.

When Beca got inside she wondered how things were going to go over with Jesse once she filled him in on her proposition. She didn't mind helping him out but he wasn't going to mooch off of her any longer. He needed to get his shit straight sooner rather than later.

Beca made homemade chicken salad sandwiches on seven grain bread and placed the plates on the serving tray. She then placed a plate of celery and carrot sticks, a bowl of ranch dip, a bag of veggie chips and a pitcher of sweet tea on the tray as well. Reaching into one of the kitchen drawers, she pulled out the envelope with Jesse's name written on the outside of it. She carefully removed the enclosed piece of paper and read over them one more time before putting them back in the envelope and putting it in her back pocket. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed some napkins then picked up the tray and made her way back outside.

She placed everything on the table on the morning porch, took a deep breath and called Jesse over, it was now or never.

"Jesse… food's ready."

"Be right there." He called over his shoulder.

Beca put some carrots and some celery on her plate and sat down at the table. The conversation they were about to have could go bad if not approached with extreme caution.

"Wow! This looks great." Jesse said as he sat down.

Beca took a deep breath, there was no sense in beating around the bush. "Jesse, we need to talk."

"I know." He sighed. "Thank you for stopping last night and for letting me stay. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome."

"I'll be out of your hair soon. I don't want to impose."

They sat in silence for a several minutes. Beca knew she needed to continue the conversation but the words just weren't coming to her. She stared at the food on her plate like it was going to tell her exactly what she needed to say

Jesse finally broke the silence. "Beca… I'm sorry." He said softly as he looked directly into her eyes. He'd apologized before but for the first time, he truly meant the words he said.

The apology was unexpected and caught Beca completely off guard. When she was finally able to to put more than two words together she finally replied. "You know, if you had said that a couple of months ago, things would've been different."

Jesse suddenly felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He knew he should have apologized but his pride had gotten in the way and he was pissed because she had yelled at him. In her defense, she had every right to yell at him. If he was completely honest, she had every right to kick his ass to the curb. What had surprised him was that even after everything he'd done, she dropped the charges. What he didn't know was that she dropped the charges so she wouldn't have to see him in court.

"If it helps, I wish I hadn't left. The last couple of months have been terrible." Jesse told her.

Beca looked up truly concerned and wondering if she did the right thing by bringing him home with her. If he was having trouble with his dealer or street thugs the last thing she needed was to bring that into her home. "What happened?"

As Jesse rehashed the details of the what he'd been through Beca winced and squirmed. She had dealt with a lot but it was nothing in comparison. Her heart went out to him. "Do you want to continue to stay here?" She asked him.

Jesse was genuinely taken aback. What had he done to deserve such kindness? Even last night he'd been awful to her and she still let him come home with her. Granted, he hadn't slept under the same roof as she had but he was in close proximity and that had to mean something.

"I'd like that." He told her. After all, he had no where else to go. He thought that maybe if he took care of the lawn and the pool and did some odds and ends around the house he could earn his keep while keeping a roof over his head.

"There's conditions." She said while picking at the crust on her bread.

"What kind of conditions."

Beca took a deep breath, it was the moment of truth. "You have to go to to rehab."

"Beca…" He started. "I've been on the streets since you kicked me out, I can't exactly afford rehab."

"Once again Jess, you _left_! But I never said that you had to pay for it. I just said that you have to go if you want to stay here." Beca told him. "Despite everything, I only want what's best for you. I want to see you get a recording contract. You have drive and determination, you're talented and you deserve it. I want to see you succeed but you have to want it and most importantly, you have to work for it. It won't all just be handed to you."

Jesse rubbed his forehead. "Beca..."

"I did some calling around this morning." Beca told him. "Passages Malibu has a place for you if you want it."

"I don't know what to say."

"Do you want to continue living like you have been or do you want to work toward your goal of becoming a recording artist?"

"I'll go." He told her. "I'll do it."

"Jesse, look at me." Beca demanded quietly. When their eyes met she said, "I want you to do this because _you_ want to do it, not because I want you to. If you're doing it for me, then it won't work."

Jesse shook his head. "I'm doing this because I don't want to end up like _her_."

"Like who… your Mom?"

"She gave birth to me, that doesn't make her my mom. It makes her my incubator."

"Bambi made some mistakes and she died because of them. You're still young and there's still time for you to learn from her mistakes and turn this all around."

"That's true."

"Do you want to hear the rest of my proposal?"

"Sure."

Beca took the envelope out of her pocket and handed it to Jesse. She watched as he looked at the envelope for several minutes before finally deciding to look at what was inside it. He slowly flipped the envelope over, lifted the flap and removed the piece of paper inside. He read the it several times before folding the piece of paper and putting it back in the envelope.

Without saying a word, Jesse got up and walked to the guest house.

"Great. I pushed too hard and now what?" Beca thought to herself. "Now I guess he's leaving."

Beca sat at the table beating herself up for trying to tell Jesse what to do with his life. Clearly, he wasn't ready to make any life altering decisions after one decent night's sleep. She had clearly screwed up this time.

When Beca heard the door to the guest house close, she looked up. Jesse was standing there, with his bag in one hand and the envelope she had given him in the other.

Jesse walked over to the table, dropped his bag on the ground and sat down. "I signed your contract."

"You did?" Beca asked confused.

"Yeah… I'll go to rehab. I'll get a job. I'll pay rent. I'll do it all."

Beca reached across the table and touched his hand. "Is this what _you_ want?"

"I'm ready to go."

Beca smiled. She wasn't going to get her hopes up but maybe there was a chance for them after all.

As they sat and enjoyed their late lunch, they talked, finally catching up on everything that had happened since their split. Beca felt awful about all Jesse had been through since she kicked him out. She had to remind herself that she was justified and that everything that happened was a direct result of the lifestyle he chose to live. With any luck at all, rehab would help him to see the error of his way and set him on a more positive path.

That evening, after taking Jesse shopping for some new clothes, shoes, toiletries and a new duffle bag, Beca dropped him off at the rehab facility.

She watched him walk through the doors and pause. Her heart flipped a little as she was sure he was about to change his mind but he turned and waved a goodbye before walking over to the reception desk.

Beca watched him sign in and walk away with a staff member before she drove off. She didn't mind admitting that she felt good about him agreeing to her proposal but she knew that she shouldn't get her hopes up too much.

A leopard didn't change their spots at all.

Or did they?


	16. Chapter 15: Enigmas and Enlightenment

**o~O~o**  
 **Enigmas and Enlightenment**  
 **o~O~o**

 **Six Weeks Later…**

Jesse woke up with a smile on his face. As he opened a lazy eye, he stretched and looked at the clock, noting the time. As he rolled over, he noticed something on one of his pillowcases, something that shouldn't be there. A flush of panic flooded his system as he tried to control his eyes bulging out of his head. He was pretty sure he had been alone when he went to bed the night before but judging by the mop of hair next to him, he wasn't alone now. Rubbing his hand over his face, he wanted to cry. He'd tried so hard to be one with the program and he'd clearly violated the code of ethics recited to him the first day. He thought he was ready to face the last day, but now he wasn't so sure. He headed off to the shower feeling strange and violated.

Showering quickly, he wrapped the towel around his waist and entered his bedroom. He wanted the girl out of his room so he could think. As he walked back into his room he noticed she was gone and that something was on the floor that he hadn't noticed when he woke up. He walked over and picked it up. Someone had been in his room and he wasn't sure why. He looked over at the door, it was locked. How had she gotten out of the room and locked the door without a key? Even more confused than he was before, he sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his temples. He had one last counseling session with Dr. Johnson and he needed to make this meeting count. If he had broken his vow to Beca, he needed to talk to Dr. Johnson about it and quickly.

As he packed his things, he thought back to the events of the evening before and his good mood suddenly turned sour. He took several deep breaths; he had been taught to control his emotions and reactions, and to take himself to his happy place. At first, he had thought of the training as rather childlike and he struggled to understand how removing the negative thoughts from his mind would help.

He was finding it difficult to find a pleasant memory that didn't involve Beca. She was one of the catalysts of his problems yet his favorite place to be was Beca's kitchen on a sunny Saturday afternoon watching her work as she made dinner. Her iPod would play tracks from the 80's right through to her own, occasionally unreleased, private album and he really enjoyed them singing together.

A full two minutes passed before the fog of anger and anxiety had passed and he was able to rationally think about the night before. He wasn't sure what the hell would happen once he said something and actually vocalized the events. Hell… he wasn't even sure what happened. As he brushed his hair, he began to think more logically; ' _Should I just let it go?' 'Should I say something?'_. ' _Did I relapse?'_

Jesse was sure that he'd never been more confused than he was at that very moment and that included the past few months of him living on the streets. He honestly didn't know what he was going to do but decided to let the day play out and he would see where it took him. Shaking it off, Jesse continued packing before getting dressed and heading out to his appointment.

Jesse waved at Sandra, the receptionist, as he walked quickly past on his way through the main concourse of the building on his way to Dr. Johnson's office. Normally he would have stopped for a quick chat but he was already running late. Finally reaching the end of the hall, he knocked on the door with the gold nameplate that read 'Dr. Nina Johnson'. As he stood and waited for the ok to walk in, he wondered if Dr. Johnson was even in her office as she was usually very efficient with her greeting.

"Come in!" Dr. Johnson called and looked around the door as it opened. "Oh, good morning Jesse."

"Morning." Jesse mumbled, looking to the floor as he closed the door behind him.

"You're late." Dr. Johnson said curtly.

"Sorry, I was packing. I leave right after our session."

"It's quite alright. I was worried you wouldn't show at all." Dr. Johnson said, a little softer after Jesse's apology.

"I just lost track of time." Jesse said, knowing his excuse was weak.

"No problem." Dr. Johnson said opening Jesse's file on her computer and quickly scanning the first couple of notes. "So… as you said, this is your last session before you leave. How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Apprehensive." Jesse said honestly and watched one of Dr. Johnson's eyebrows shoot up into her hairline.

"Why do you think that is?" She questioned, resting her elbows on her desk and linking her fingers together.

"I'm worried about being out in the real world and not being able to stay strong enough to resist urges."

"That's understandable but remember, a condition of your leaving is that you attend at least one meeting per week."

"I remember."

"That's going to help more than you think." She reminded him, looking at him over the top of her glasses. "And remember, you're required to go to just one meeting a week, but there's nothing stopping you from going several times a week if you feel like it."

"I hope so."

"You can always come back here if you need to."

"Thanks, but if I relapse I don't think Beca will be as generous the second time. I've already had my fill of chances."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Dr. J… she kicked my ass out once, she won't be afraid to do it again."

"Jesse, she is a very sweet girl but you're right, she's not going to let you take advantage of her. If there's one thing I learned about Beca when she attended the family sessions with you is that she's _not_ a pushover. You are going to have to work hard to give her the respect _she_ deserves but also ascertain your place in _her_ world without being weak."

Jesse looked out of the window and gradually managed to zone out as Dr. Johnson began firing questions at him. He really tried to talk about his feelings on demand, but sometimes he just wanted to keep certain things to himself. He had a right to some privacy. He began thinking about the events that had him questioning everything. What he wanted more than anything was to leave. He wanted to wrap Beca in a big bear hug and thank her for everything she had done for him. Part of thanking her for her trouble and support could be shown by being honest and he wasn't sure how she would react to what he was going to tell her, and he definitely _had_ to tell her. But he couldn't remember anything about the night before, so what was he going to tell her exactly?

Beca was the reason he was alive; he was convinced of that. He didn't want to think about what would have happened to him had she not stopped to check on him all those weeks ago. He wasn't in a good place and there was no way that she could have known that he was actually contemplating suicide. At that point, he had nothing to live for, he was hurting all over and the final straw was a stray dog using his leg for a toilet.

Like the angel Beca was, she showed up out of no where and saved him and he would be eternally grateful to her for helping him get clean and sober. He felt sick at the thought of what may have happened the previous night and groaned audibly. Had he fucked up yet again?

"Jesse! Are you still with me?" Dr. Johnson asked.

"Oh, yeah… sorry." Jesse rubbed his face, and looked at her. "What did you say?"

"I said you're distant… distracted even. What's going on?"

"Oh… yeah so… umm... I need to tell you something."

Jesse was nervous but went on to tell Dr. Johnson what greeted him earlier that morning. She looked horrified as he sang like a canary. She was jotting down notes left and right. If her pen had moved any faster, the paper may have actually caught on fire. When Jesse was finished telling her what happened, Dr. Johnson called the director, Dr. Tom Campbell, to join them.

Jesse had to rehash the story all over again for Dr. Campbell, who promptly asked for a urine sample and a blood draw. He collected the samples and told Jesse he would personally call him with the results by the end of business on Monday. Before walking out Dr. Johnson's office, Dr. Campbell assured Jesse the situation would be looked into and dealt with accordingly.

After the director excused himself, Dr. Johnson watched Jesse for a moment before asking, "Are you feeling any better now?"

"Yes, I am, thank you."

She still wasn't convinced. "So, you really don't remember anything?"

"Dr. J, I swear… I don't remember a thing."

Dr. Johnson nodded. Jesse hadn't been dishonest with her before so she had no reason to believe that he was being dishonest with her now. "I assure you, Dr. Campbell will get to the bottom of this."

"I can still go home today… right?" Jesse asked with the smallest of hints of worry in his voice.

"Yes, you can go home."

Jesse looked visibly relieved.

"Jesse, I know leaving the protection of these walls _is_ a scary thought but we wouldn't let you go unless you were completely ready." Dr. Johnson continued as she pushed her chair away from her desk, stood up, smoothed down her skirt and walked around to the other side of the room where Jesse was perched on the overstuffed chair. She leaned against her desk and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I know and I'm ready to go home."

"It's good that you feel you can call someplace home."

"I agree." Jesse said, honestly. "I know once I'm out of here, everything will be ok."

"You have my office number Jesse." Dr. Johnson said, standing up. She held out her hand and Jesse sprung to his feet and wiped his hand on the front of his pants before taking her hand in his.

"I do." He said calmly. He nodded his goodbye and turned to leave. As soon as his hand reached the door handle, Dr. Johnson spoke again.

"Jesse..."

"Yes?" He said, looking over his shoulder at her.

"You dropped something." She told him as she bent down to pick up the piece of paper that fell from his pocket. Opening the piece of paper she asked, "Do you need this phone number?"

"No… it's trash." Jesse smiled as he walked out.

 **o~O~o**

Beca managed to get a few hours of decent sleep but her excitement about Sunday morning kept her staring at the ceiling until the wee hours. She finally felt her body begin to give in to sleep sometime after three but she was wide awake again at a little after seven, with a mild headache and a tummy full of butterflies.

Beca fumbled around the house for a while, before deciding to burn off some excess energy by working out for a bit. When that didn't work, she finally decided to shower and get ready to pick Jesse up from rehab. She knew she'd be early but she just couldn't seems to settle at home. As hard as she tried not to, she found herself getting more excited than she should about seeing Jesse. She still wasn't sure what was going to happen but she was optimistically hopeful for the future although the stern, concerned words from her parents and Luke still rang true in her mind.

After attending several counseling sessions with Jesse she was confident that he was ready to take the next steps and move his life forward. She felt that they'd made progress in counseling, there was still a lot to work on but she knew that as long as they worked as a team they could conquer anything life threw at them. The quiet and careful teachings at the Fallen Leaves retreat had helped her in more ways than one.

The sun was shining brightly as Beca drove to the rehab facility for the last time. She set off early, unable to keep herself busy at home any longer. As she drove, the events that lead to this day flooded her mind. Everything from the night they met up to the present flooded through her like wildfire. She tried to figure out what it was about him that caused her to become a puddle of goo. As she remembered their first night together, she suddenly remembered why and a cool shiver ran up her spine. His voice had sucked her in and his killer good looks sure didn't hurt. He made her feel things that she'd never felt before and she felt her cheeks flush as she remembered their antics in the pool the next morning. She laughed at the memory of Aubrey's squeals when she had found them in a very compromising position.

She could hardly believe that she was alive before she met Jesse. To the outside world, it could certainly be said that Jesse was out of his league. He had everything he owned in a duffle bag and she was estimated to be work nearly $14 million dollars. She had friends, contacts, a successful career as well as being an accomplished singer, dancer and chef. Jesse had his talent and pretty face which he'd used to get through in life but that was all. Beca knew that he was special in many ways and had abilities that far outweighed what money could buy but most importantly he made her laugh, feel excited about spending an evening at home and she'd happily admit that sex with him was amazing. He'd taught her how to use her body to her advantage and she loved how relaxed she was around him. In short, life with Jesse was refreshing and happy.

Beca was shaken from her thoughts of Jesse's mouth on her nipple as the voice came through the speaker in the drive-thru. Remembering where she was, she ordered two pumpkin spice lattes, her favorite, a vanilla bean scone for herself, a chocolate croissant for Jesse and she remembered to ask for double cups to keep the coffee hot. She knew that he'd be ready for something other than cafeteria style food when she picked him up and thought he would enjoy a treat from Starbucks would fill the bill.

Driving to the facility, she found that she was concentrating on the positive parts of their relationship rather than the negative and wondered, as she pulled into a parking space at the front of the building, whether that was a good thing. As she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the car door, she figured that focusing on the positive was definitely a good thing, otherwise, she wouldn't even be there to pick Jesse up. The negative aspects weren't worth thinking about.

As she sat outside the center, she looked down at her clothes and realized she has subconsciously dressed in an outfit that Jesse had once commented he liked so much. It wasn't anything spectacular, just a pair of tattered, well worn jeans that hugged her hips in just the right way, a vintage Rolling Stones tank top that showed the contours of her ample chest and a pair of converse that suggested that she preferred comfort to class but Jesse liked it, and that made her happy.

The longer it took for him to make his exit the more antsy she was getting about seeing him. She had already been inside to settle everything up and to her shock and surprise, the bill had been less than she expected. She thanked them again for their discretion and support. They really had made Jesse's stay a positive one.

Without being asked, Sandra told her that Jesse was in with Dr. Johnson but that he shouldn't be too much longer. Beca thanked her and asked her to tell Jesse that she would be waiting outside. She needed fresh air, it was a gorgeous day and, looking at herself, she knew that she needed the sun.

 **o~O~o**

As Jesse walked out the front doors of the rehab facility, a place that he saw as his safe haven for six weeks, he closed his eyes and raised his face to the clear October sky. He enjoyed the feel of the sun's warmth on his skin as he took a deep, cleansing breath. The air outside suddenly felt different, it felt cleaner and more refreshing as it hit his lungs or maybe it _felt_ different because _he_ was different. For the first time in a long time he felt alive, well rested; he was ready to go out and conquer the world and all it had to offer. He was clean shaven, dressed neatly in new clothes that Beca had brought to him the last time she'd visited, his feet were healed properly and for the first time in a long time, he felt like a new man.

When he turned to the left, he saw Beca. She looked happy to see him as she leaned on the side of the car, waiting to take him home, just as she had promised she would be on the day she dropped him off. She had promised to be a constant source of support while he tackled his demons and she had been that and so much more. At his request, she had attended family therapy sessions. Jesse tried to get in touch with Casey but it was probably better that he hadn't made contact with him. He probably would have made things one hundred times worse.

As a result of Beca coming to the sessions, they really got to dig into their relationship and realized how their actions had affected each other. Jesse learned that Beca still loved him, what she did and said wasn't just an act or a way of showing pity. Beca understood that if they were going to try to make things work, that she needed to give Jesse a chance to make mistakes around her. He expressed the desire to cook a meal for her where she didn't interfere. He also didn't want to feel like they was always walking around on eggshells around each other.

In a private session, he'd shared with her that he felt a little like his masculinity had been taken away when she wouldn't let him do anything. After discussing the matter without prejudice, Beca explained that it wasn't anything personal, it was just that she was used to doing everything by herself and had worked hard to achieve what she had. In getting it all out on the table, they both understood themselves and each other a little better.

Jesse had learned a lot about himself while he was in rehab and with Beca's blessing and support, he had opted to stay an extra two weeks. If he was honest, he wanted to stay because he felt safe and he didn't quite trust himself to be out in the world just yet. Rehab was a cocoon that shielded and protected him from all the shit that life had tended to throw at him when he had least expected it.

He never planned to take as much from his time out as he had. He thought he'd go, bide his time, chant, sing or crow like a rooster if they asked him to and then get the fuck out in an effort to appease Beca and get her to like him again. He didn't want to completely take advantage of her good nature and intentions but he hoped if he played the game, she let him back into her life. He really did enjoy her company and she had been responsive and open to everything he suggested they do and try in bed. He admitted to himself that he really missed having the opportunity to worship her body at night.

What he had no way of knowing was that rehab had a way of sucking someone in. It was very regimented and disciplined, which was exactly what he needed. He needed someone to ride his ass and make him do all the things he didn't want to do. He needed someone to call him up on his shit and tell him that he had to straighten up and fly right or lay down and die. He needed to stop his destructive ways. Initially, he compared it to the time he spent in the young offenders program when he was a teenager but the difference at Passages was that all of it was voluntary and working at repairing his soul, beating his addiction and securing him with the tools necessary to move forward.

Dr. Johnson had told him about Beca's initial inquiry on his behalf and that on the days she didn't attend sessions with Jesse that she had called to check on him and his progress. She was taking a genuine interest in his overall health and well being and seemingly still cared for him a great deal.

After staring at each other for what seemed like forever, Jesse made a beeline for Beca as he replayed his last morning at the rehab facility over in his mind. He couldn't wait to hold her but the last song he'd heard on his iPod played over and over in his mind.

' _ **Raining On Sunday'**_

" _It ticks just like a Timex  
_ _It never lets up on you  
_ _Who said life was easy  
_ _The job is never through  
_ _It'll run us 'til we're ragged  
_ _It'll harden our hearts  
_ _And love could use a day of rest  
_ _Before we both start falling apart"_

Looking down at the watch on his wrist, a gift from Passages with the inscription on the clock face that read, 'Believe, Strength, Future', Jesse remembered Dr. Johnson telling him that it would serve as a gentle reminder of how far he had come every time he checked the time. At first, he'd liked the idea but now he felt it was a constant reminder of the things he'd done wrong in his life to the extent he had ended up where he'd spent the last six weeks. He was hoping that he could put the watch into a box and away on a shelf somewhere. His time apart from Beca was his punishment for his wrongdoings and, her generous gift to get him back on his feet, was the perfect excuse for starting again. He thought he deserved a second chance with Beca and he hoped she felt the same way, only time would tell. The fact that she had willingly turned up and on time gave Jesse the impression she was prepared to perhaps try again.

" _Pray that it's raining on Sunday  
_ _Stormin' like crazy  
_ _We'll hide under the covers all afternoon  
_ _Baby whatever comes Monday  
_ _Can take care of itself  
_ _'Cause we got better things that we could do  
_ _When it's raining on Sunday"_

She'd laid all the cards out on the table after three weeks of him being in rehab. She explained that he was to stay in the pool house when he returned while they sorted out where they went from there. He'd been slightly disappointed to learn that he wouldn't be laying in the same bed as her when he returned but he figured he could wait a little longer if he had to. She was definitely worth the wait.

Beca had already suggested that they have a quiet day and watch movies together on the day he was released. Jesse was happy. He loved nothing more than watching anything from an old black and white film to a modern day blockbuster and was touched that Beca had thought of something nice for him to enjoy on his first day back in the real world. As he continued walking towards her, he had a fleeting, momentary flood of panic about what would happen the next day. How his revelation would be accepted and where they would go. He was surprised that after only six weeks of being in a controlled environment that he'd adjusted to discipline and routine so easily. Jesse also knew that Beca had been made aware of his timetable and had faithfully agreed to stick to his schedules for the time being to help him readjust.

" _Your love is like religion  
_ _A cross in Mexico  
_ _And your kiss is like the innocence  
_ _Of a prayer nailed to a door  
_ _Oh surrender in much sweeter  
_ _When we both let it go  
_ _Let the water wash our bodies clean  
_ _And love wash our souls"_

Jesse reached the car and they both looked shyly at each other for a moment or two, neither of them knowing what the other wanted to say or do. Jesse looked down at Beca as she looked up expectantly at him.

"Hey." She said, and gave him a crooked smile.

"Hey yourself." He said dropping his bag. He placed his finger under her chin to lift her face even higher. She blinked a little at the sun. "You look great."

Beca grinned shyly. "Thanks. How are you?"

"I'm better now that you're here."

"Awesome."

"Thanks for coming to pick me up."

"It's no problem." She said. "How was your last session?"

Jesse cleared his throat before answering. "It was fine. I'm really happy to see you."

"Me too." Beca said, pushing herself off of the car. Jesse immediately wrapped his arm around her and gave her what he thought was a friendly hug rather than an overly personal one. Beca surprised herself by immediately placing her arms around his back in a pose that felt so familiar and comfortable.

"Hey." Jesse said again as Beca tucked herself into the crook of his neck. He leaned down and placed a delicate kiss on the top of her head and felt her body relax into his. A lump formed in his throat making him want to blurt out his confession there and then but he knew he needed to wait 24 hours for confirmation to be sure. Instead, he released Beca from his grasp, pulled away slightly and took her face into his hands. He stared into her soulful eyes and bent down to place his lips on hers, feeling a rush of love pour over him like a warm, fleecy blanket as she began to gently kiss him back. He felt free for a minute as their mouths meshed together and she parted her lips slightly, in an invitation for him to do more.

"Are you ready to go home?" Beca asked, after they parted. Jesse nodded. "It'll just be us this afternoon, no guests and no interruptions. The fridge is stocked and there's plenty of popcorn."

Jesse grinned broadly. "It sounds wonderful."

"Come on then." Beca said, as she began to pull on the driver side door handle.

Jesse nodded his agreement and walked to the rear of the car as Beca got into the front seat. She watched him in the rear view mirror as he placed his bag in the trunk. Walking to the passenger side, he looked back at the building he'd spent the last six weeks in and took a deep breath. He'd been taught about honesty, confessing his demons and owning responsibility for his mistakes. He needed to tell Beca what happened but he wasn't sure when the right time was.

"Are you ok?" She asked. "Is something wrong? Do you want to talk?"

"No." Jesse said as he climbed into the seat. "Let's go."


	17. Chapter 16: Observations and Orgasms

**A/N: Here's a little contribution to Smut Sunday... I hope you all enjoy.**

 **Corinne, Thank you for giving me a much needed kick in "da fa tass" when I started dragging my feet with this chapter. I can always count on you to hold my feet to the fire. I pinkie promised you that I'd get this chapter out today and well... looks like I get to keep my pinkies for another week. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 16**  
 **o~O~o**

Beca noticed that Jesse seemed to be pretty far away, locked in his own little world, on the ride home. He was intent on looking out of the window the entire ride, while he tapped his fingers to the beat of the music coming from the radio. While not banned, watching television and listening to the radio was discouraged at Passages to allow the individuals in the program the time and space to concentrate on themselves rather than focusing on news reports or the latest chart downloads. Despite Jesse only being away for six weeks, there had been a few songs coming from the speakers that he'd not heard before and he was enjoying the new music.

Beca was a little confused. Jesse had looked extremely happy as he'd approached her outside the rehab center and then, as he was about to get in the car, she watched as he shut down in front of her. She'd tried to make idle conversation as she drove but was starting to wonder if picking him up had been a bad idea. She was struggling to understand her own feelings and needed the only other person that was involved within those thoughts to be there for her to talk to and so far, he was painfully silent.

She had to poke his leg several times to get his attention. This was not normal. Sure, the circumstances weren't exactly what they were used to, after all it wasn't every day that he left rehab after being all but locked up for six weeks. The last time she reached over to poke his leg, he'd subconsciously covered her hand with his so she relaxed and let her fingers linger for a minute on his knee. It wasn't long before she was rubbing his leg and hoping that the gesture would calm him enough to let her in.

Jesse continued to stare out the window. He knew that Beca knew something was up and as always, she was right. Reaching down, he gripped her hand tightly in his and brought it to his lips. He kissed each knuckle hoping it was just enough to distract her from the fact that he was hiding something. Beca grinned back at him but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes as she touched the button on the dash to open the gates to her house.

When they arrived home Jesse could smell the makings of a traditional Sunday dinner as soon as he walked through the door. He continued to inhale, trying to figure out what Beca was making. It didn't take long to realize that she was cooking a pot roast, one of his favorite meals. He put his bag down and walked straight to the kitchen. Taking the lid off the slow cooker, Jesse waved his hand to waft the smell closer to his nasal passages.

"I hope you don't mind pot roast for dinner." Beca said as she placed her purse on the counter. It occurred to her she hadn't asked what he'd like, just hoped he'd be happy with his favorite.

Lowering the lid back down onto the pot, Jesse turned around and smiled. "It's perfect. Thank you. It smells delicious."

Beca smiled politely, feeling the uneasy tension sitting like a thin layer of sweat on them both. "It won't be ready for awhile. We can get you settled in the guest house and then hang out by the pool for a bit if you like."

"I'd like that."

The familiar sounds and smells of Beca's house were welcoming and Jesse felt better than he had in such a long time. His time in rehab had worked wonders for him but there'd been nothing like the feeling of walking through Beca's front door. It was the first place that he had ever really felt at home and if he hadn't been such a dick, it would still be his home.

He looked around the well appointed kitchen, taking in the shiny stainless steel appliances and the little whimsical touches such as the music note towels and treble clef cookbook holder. He spotted a new kitchen table and was about to comment on it when he quickly closed his mouth, remembering that Dale had used the glass top to cut a few lines at the second party that he and Casey had thrown. A wave of regret washed over him but Beca didn't seem to notice as she was pleasantly telling Jesse about a few of the acts she'd recently signed at Warner, She seemed unfazed by the changes but he wondered what else would be different if he was accepted back into her life.

While the main house wasn't his home anymore, the guest house was and it was more than adequate for him. It had everything he needed; a bed, shower, small kitchen and somewhere to store his things. Beca had sent him to rehab with a bunch of new clothes and shoes and he was beyond grateful. After being at rehab for a month, she'd sent him a new phone and iPod with a sweet handwritten note that said she was proud of him. He kept the note in his wallet at all times and looked at it often when no one was looking.

Jesse sat on one of the bar stools and they chatted while Beca sliced potatoes before putting the pot on the stove. It felt like no time had passed and as the conversation turned to laughter, Jesse finally began to relax and forget about his discovery that morning. He put it to the side in an effort to concentrate on moving forward. It felt, dare he think it, normal to be so close to the girl he loved. When Beca was finished with the food prep, she suggested that they head out to the back yard. Jesse got his bag and they walked out of the back door.

Blinking against the bright afternoon sun, Jesse was temporarily blinded; he'd lost his sunglasses many weeks before and had spent the last few weeks mostly indoors. He put his hand up to shield his eyes from the glare just as a vision of pink flesh entered into his eyeline.

"AMY!" Beca screeched causing Jesse to jump a foot in the air.

Amy waved casually from her spot on an overly large blow up chair, in the middle of Beca's pool. "Hello slut!"

Amy wasn't exactly known for her tact or subtlety. She had a key to Beca's house that was to be used for emergencies and when Beca was out of town, Amy would house sit. Beca really didn't mind her staying at the house especially after everything Jesse and his band of losers had done, she felt better knowing someone who respected her and her home was keeping an eye on the place. She didn't mind Amy making herself at home; but this… this was over the line.

Covering Jesse's eyes with one hand and her own eyes with the other, Beca asked "What are you doing here and where is your bathing suit?"

"You skinny dip in your pool so I thought it would be ok if I chunky dunk!" Amy explained as Jesse turned his back toward the pool.

"Gross!" Beca pointed at the nekkid male form in her pool. "And him?"

"Oh Bumper… well, he's uhh… you know… he's takin' care of business… down under." Amy explained as she wagged her eyebrows at Beca who almost gagged at the thought. For a fleeting moment, she sympathized with Aubrey.

"Amy… we're going back in the house. You have exactly thirty one seconds to get your nekkid ass out of my fucking pool."

"Well… I was getting fucked when you rudely interrupted."

"Thirty one seconds Amy." Beca said as she and Jesse walked back in the house. "Remind me to call the pool guy in the morning." She whispered as she elbowed Jesse in the ribs.

With eyes practically bulging out of his head, Jesse said, "With pleasure!"

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

Jesse laughed. "Not exactly the naked girl _I_ wanted to see." He said with a smirk.

Beca laughed and smacked his arm, "Shut up jerk!" she said as she flopped down on the couch.

The two sat in companionable silence for a few minutes; it was nice and while Jesse's homecoming wasn't going exactly according to plan, it wasn't terrible either as they began to giggle about what just happened. There was still plenty of time to turn the day around, after all, they couldn't let Amy's little stunt ruin their day but at least they were laughing about it together.

When Amy barreled into the house six minutes later, she did so loudly and with inappropriate gusto. She had a way of making her presence known everywhere she went.

"Alright toothpick, why are you so angry?"

Beca stood up and folded her arms across her chest. "Amy, why are you here?"

"You said I was _always_ welcome here." Amy breathed out, throwing her hands around for good measure.

"And you _are_ , but you can't just show up unannounced when you _know_ I wasn't going away this weekend." Beca told her. "So, I'll ask again, why are you here?"

"Well, I thought that was pretty obvious." She said pointing her thumb over her shoulder at Bumper who was surreptitiously trying to close the French doors and look cool while wrapped in Amy's illuminous pink towel.

Beca shook her head. "Amy, you know I don't mind you using the pool… to swim, but what you and Tailpipe were doing was inappropriate."

"Bumper. His name is Bumper."

"Tailpipe is more appropriate."

"Oh?" Amy asked, raising an eyebrow in Beca's direction.

"Yeah, he sure does _blow_ out a lot of hot air."

"Really Beca?!" Amy asked.

"Well… I do blow..." Bumper mumbled. "... myself."

Amy, ignoring Bumper's quip, pointed to Jesse and said. "Well, _he_ talks so much crap that it's hard to know whether to hand him a roll of toilet paper or a pack of breath mints!"

"Amy, that's really unfair." Beca said raising her voice slightly. "You hardly know Jesse."

"Well, I could say the same thing to you, Miss-Move-Him-In-After-Only-Six-Months!"

"Enough Amy! What I do with my life is up to me. Not you, not my Mom and Dad, not Lu-"

"-Does _he_ know what _he_ did to you? Does _he_ know that you didn't see the light of day for weeks? Does _he_ know that you stopped eating and that you were damn near skeletal? Does _he_ know that you were slipping into depression? Does _he_ know that Sawyer almost fired you due to your lack of commitment? Does _he_ know how much it cost to fix this damn house after he trashed it? Does _he-_ " Amy asked loudly.

"-That's enough Amy." Jesse said stepping in between the girls. "Enough!"

"Dude… are you stupid or looking to get killed? Just stay out of it." Bumper told Jesse.

"It's only enough when I say it's enough." Amy told him.

"Amy." Jesse said, calmly. "I understand that you're upset because I'm here and I'm feeling a lot of resentment and anger coming from you. If you need to, take a moment to think about how your words are affecting Beca right now, it would help to calm and neutralize the situation and then we can all begin again. I can sense stress levels in your voice and-"

"-Too bloody right. You can't go quoting all that rehab crap at me when-"

"-That's the thing Amy. You're angry at me." Jesse continued, interrupting Amy just as she had to him. "You have all these things you want to say and get off your chest-"

"-She does have a lovely chest." Bumper interjected, but quickly shut his mouth again when he realized that his feeble attempt at a joke hadn't been appreciated.

"... and they need to be aimed at me... the guy that ruined your best friends life." Jesse said, ignoring Bumper's comment and speaking directly to Amy. "You aren't mad at Beca so why don't you just speak to me and leave her out of it."

Amy blinked a few times before turning and addressing Beca. "Answer the questions Beca. Does _he_ know?"

Beca couldn't even look at Amy. She was right. Her break-up with Jesse had been bad. If she was being honest, she thought breaking up with Ryan was hard but not having Jesse around was the worst time of her life and she never wanted to go through it again. She realized Amy was still talking when she looked over to Jesse who had cast his eyes towards the ceiling.

"You've got not no room to talk about Bumper when you're screwing around with this no good, rotten son of bitch who sent you into a tailspin and almost caused you to lose your job."

"He's been through a lot since we broke up and today is his first day home from rehab." Beca pointed out. "Do you really have to start bashing him?"

"Home?"

"Yeah… home!"

"That's just fucking awesome Beca!"

"Amy, you need to leave."

"Why? Because I just called both of you out on your shit? Well guess what Beca? If it smells like bullshit and it looks like bullshit, then it's bullshit! Putting sugar on it doesn't make it a fucking brownie!"

"Get out Amy! What I do in _my_ home is up to me. I can water my potted plants, run around naked, go skinny dipping or cover myself in whipped cream if I damn well want to. It has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else."

"Don't make me call Luke and Aubrey!" Amy threatened as she pulled out her phone.

Beca gritted her teeth. "Keep them out of this!" She yelled. "GET OUT!"

"FINE! I'll get out but just know that I'll be by on Monday morning to pick up what's left after Mr. Fuck'em-And-Leave'em breaks your heart again." Amy said before she signaled to Bumper that it was time to go and headed straight out of the kitchen without a single word. The resounding bang echoed through the house as she slammed the front door.

"Well…" Beca said turning to Jesse. "Welcome home."

"Come here." Jesse said, holding out his hand towards Beca. She hesitated for a second before allowing herself to be pulled into one of Jesse's hugs. She immediately felt the anger dissipate. He kissed the top of her head. "So, skinny dipping… huh?"

"Is that all you took from what just happened?"

Jesse laughed. "Well…"

"You're a pig!" Beca said as she tried pushing away from him.

Jesse squeezed her a little tighter and could once again feel the tension leave her body. He liked this, no take that back, he loved this. He loved holding her and he'd missed it so much over the last few months. He made a silent vow to himself to do anything and everything possible to earn back her trust.

Beca was really enjoying the fact that they were just standing there in silence. It felt good, _he_ felt good. She was listening to the rhythm of his heart and wishing that the moment wasn't so fleeting.

"Hey, why don't we go sit out by the pool?"

Beca lifted her head from Jesse's chest so she could look him in the eye. "You wanna sit out there knowing what Amy and Dashboard were just doing in the water?"

"We don't have to go outside. I was just thinking that it might help you relax if you got some fresh air. I could give you a shoulder massage in the hot tub."

"The hot tub does sound nice."

"Good." Jesse said patting her butt. "Go get your suit on."

Beca went up to her bedroom to change while Jesse went out to the guest house. As she changed she questioned what she was doing. The situation was absolutely crazy. What was she thinking? Should she be letting her guard down around Jesse again so soon? Amy was right. She needed to keep a clear head around Jesse and not fall for his good looks and charm.

Beca grabbed a bikini from her chest of drawers and walked into the bathroom. After putting her suit on, she applied sunscreen and looked herself in the mirror. Wiping the excess sunscreen from her hands on her face she started talking to herself, " _What are you doing?" "You've lost your fucking mind, haven't you?" "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. And so is talking to yourself. You've gone mad."_

She shook her head. She really didn't have time for this right now. Jesse was going to be expecting her downstairs soon. She washed her hands and pulled her hair up in a bun. Giving herself a once over, she grabbed a towel and walked back into her room. She was about to walk downstairs when Amy's ringtone came blaring through the speaker. " _Shorty get down, good Lord…"_

"Hey Amy." She answered curtly and braced herself for a fresh onslaught.

"Hey… I'm sorry about what happened earlier." Amy said quickly. Beca felt the tension leave her shoulders as Amy apologized.

"I'm sorry too."

"I have to admit, Jesse deserves props for having your back the way he did." Amy said honestly. "I was quite impressed. Took me a while to think about it but I wanted to clear the air between us. I hate when we fight."

"Ames, he's changed. He's been through a lot."

"I can tell. Just… just be careful. I know you love him but he hurt you so badly. I can't watch that again. Seeing you like that broke my heart."

"I appreciate that, more than you know. Just so you know, I've never stopped loving Jesse. The pain faded to a dull ache but the love never left."

"I can't imagine my life without Bumper..." Amy admitted, "... so, I get it. I really do."

"Look, I don't know what the future holds for me or Jesse but I promise to be careful."

"Well, I guess that's all I can ask." Amy took a deep breath. "I hate to cut this short but Bumper is shaking his junk at me."

"Gross!"

"You have no idea! It looks like a light brite peg!"

Beca laughed at the mental jpeg. "Yeah, well... he sure as hell lights you up!"

"That he does!"

"Bye Amy… I love you."

"I love you too Sassypants."

Beca smiled as she hung up. She had felt like shit after Amy left and hated when they fought. What she hated even more was the way they left things. Amy had stormed out and slammed the door, not that she didn't have reason to. She knew that the argument had gotten extremely heated because they were each so invested in not only their friendship but each other.

"Bec… you ready?" Jesse yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah, I'm coming." She called down to him. She could hear him muttering about the footprints that Amy left on the wall the night she slid down the stairs on a breakfast tray. Beca still had to get them painted over but they made her laugh every time she saw them so she wasn't in a big hurry to do it.

As she walked down the stairs in her bikini she heard Jesse's muffled "Wow!"

On a shopping trip a few weeks earlier, Amy had made her replace her old swimwear after she threw it all out after breaking up with Jesse and had taken her to the mall and stood guard until she bought new bikinis. Amy insisted she buy it in white and black because it had looked " _so good"_ on her. Judging by the tent in Jesse's shorts, he also approved.

As she reached the last step Jesse took her hand and kissed her cheek. With that one small gesture, Beca could feel all of her willpower leaving her body. There was no way she was going to be able to resist him, not for any great length of time. She realized she was screwed, both literally and figuratively.

She wasn't sure if she subconsciously sashayed her hips or not as she walked to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of juice for them to enjoy outside. She was desperate for a drink to quell her nerves but was glad that she couldn't partake so she could keep a level head.

The hot tub was as nice as the weather. Beca rested the back of her head on her towel, feeling her body relax as the hot water enveloped her. She closed her eyes and got more comfortable. Even with her eyes closed, she could feel Jesse's eyes on her. He hadn't taken his eyes off of her since she walked downstairs and she knew what happened next depended on which one of them was stronger.

As she laid there she felt the water ripple and Jesse moving toward her. Shit was about to get real. Jesse decided that looking was no longer satisfying his need, so he reached out for her leg, right behind the knee and gently wrapped his hand under it. As he lifted it, he ran his hand down her calf to her foot.

He lifted her foot out of the water and kissed her instep then watched as goosebumps rose on her leg. As he began rubbing her foot she moaned as he worked his magic. His hands were amazing. It made him extremely happy to know that he still had what it took to get to her. He continued to rub her foot, gradually sliding his hands up to her calf, massaging the entire way. When he was finished with her calf, he moved his way to her thigh continuing to rub a series of circles into her skin occasionally tightening his grip and increasing the pressure he was applying with his fingertips.

He repeated the same process on her right leg. When he was finished, he stood between her legs and admired her every inch of her. He desperately missed worshipping her and hoped that it wouldn't be long before she allowed him full access again. Judging by the look in her eye, he hoped it wouldn't be too much longer and without a second thought, he lowered his lips to hers.

She tried desperately not to react to the feel of his hands on her skin or his mouth on hers. "You were supposed to rub my shoulders." She grumbled without moving.

"Are you really complaining about a full body massage?"

"No, just pointing out that you said my shoulders."

"Do you want your shoulders rubbed?" He asked between the kisses he placed along the column of her neck.

She took a deep breath. "Is the Pope Catholic?"

Jesse laughed. Beca was never at a loss for sarcasm. "If you want your shoulders rubbed you're gonna have to sit in another position." He whispered in her ear.

"Where do you want me?" She asked as she sat up.

Jesse sat down next to her and patted the spot in front of him.

Without hesitation, she sat between his thighs and prepared herself for what promised to be the best massage she'd ever had.

As Jesse rubbed, he could feel the knots and tension that had gathered in Beca's shoulders and neck. He had often rubbed her back as she fell asleep at night and knew the contours and angles well, knowing exactly where she liked to be touched and what spots were the most ticklish. She dropped her chin to her chest and allowed him the space he needed to work. Beca wiggled as she tried not to moan with the pure pleasure she was feeling as his hands made their way down her back.

He used his thumbs to rub along either side of her spine. When his hands reached her shoulders, he lowered them to rub her biceps. Jesse kneaded her muscles until his hands hurt and then he rubbed some more. When he was finished, he began kissing along her shoulders and neck.

As she gave Jesse better access to her neck, Beca told him, "We shouldn't be doing this."

"We can stop if you want to." He told her between kisses.

"Mmm…" Beca really couldn't verbalize what she wanted to do. As much as she didn't want it to, it felt right. She wanted this… she _needed_ this. She needed him. Sighing heavily, she whispered. "No."

Jesse instantly froze. She had said ' _no'_ and there was no way he was going to continue if she didn't want it. He was a lot of things but he was not someone who forced women to have sex against their will. If Beca said ' _no'_ then that was it, no matter how badly he wanted and needed her.

"Why'd you stop?" She finally asked as she turned around to face him. He could see that she was flushed but couldn't tell if it was from the sun, the heat of the hot tub or if it was what had been going on between the two of them. It was then that he noticed that the sun was no longer out and dark clouds had started to roll in, so the sun was definitely not a factor.

"You said ' _no'_."

"You asked me if I wanted to stop." She said as she slid her arms around her back to remove her bikini top, dropping it in the hot tub. Jesse's eyes locked with hers and he never broke the connection even as she scooped up some of the water and ran the warmth over her aching nipples. He was completely and totally mesmerized by the woman standing in front of him.

She took a step toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him close. Jesse felt his breath hitch, the feel of her skin against his own after such a long time. He had longed for her touch and now that he was in the moment with her, he just wanted to remember every single second of it.

Without taking their eyes off of each other, Jesse slipped his board shorts down his legs while Beca hooked her thumbs into her bikini bottom and wiggled it off, casting the scrap of cloth aside in the water. Jesse reached up to cup her face and, leaning over, he kissed her gently but firmly before sitting back down on the step and pulling her onto his lap.

He moaned as Beca began grinding down on him and as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders for leverage, he closed his eyes in ecstasy as her breasts flattened against his chest. Kissing her harder to control the noises escaping from his throat, he reached between them and started rubbing hard circles on her clit. She responded by biting his lip as she felt herself stirring for the first time in months. He felt a moan escape his lips as, despite the warm, bubbly water, he could feel just how ready she was for him. At that point she could have cared less about the foreplay, it had been a long time and she just wanted to feel him inside of her, sooner rather than later.

Pushing his fingers away, she took matters into her own hands, grabbing him with one hand and guiding him towards her entrance. They both audibly gasped as she lowered herself onto him and Beca felt a shiver run up her spine as she enveloped him. They began moving in unison, easily fitting together like pieces of a puzzle as Jesse's bountiful size filled her core.

Beca rode him hard and fast as Jesse clutched at her breasts he tried to stop himself from calling out her name in ecstasy. He was nuzzling Beca's neck as her knees gave out and she panted for him to switch positions with her because her knees were raw from kneeling on the step.

 **" _Your love is like religion  
_ _A cross in Mexico  
_ _And your kiss is like the innocence  
_ _Of a prayer nailed to a door  
_ _Oh surrender in much sweeter  
_ _When we both let it go  
_ _Let the water wash our bodies clean  
_ _And love wash our souls"_**

When she started to slow down, Jesse, while still buried deep inside her, stood up and pumped in and out of her several times. He looked pleadingly at her as she nodded that she was close too. As they both found their sweet release and clawed at each others skin at the delectable agony, the skies chose that moment to open up and the rain began pelting down on them. It was like a much needed sign that God was washing away all the negative, awful, terrible things in their lives so they could start fresh and new.

With her arms around Jesse's neck and her legs still around his waist, Beca leaned back as far as she could and let the rain wash over her. As Jesse took in the sight of her naked body wrapped around his, he began slowly and needily kissing her chest and neck. Beca pulled herself up and greedily kissed him back.

Jesse wrapped one arm around her back to help support her and reaching down with the other, he rubbed her clit for several minutes before he began pumping in and out of her again. This time he took things a little more slowly. He wanted to savor every moment.

It felt good being inside of her. If he was honest, it was one of his favorite places to be. The rain was continuing to come down but neither seemed to mind, they were in their own little world as they reached and enjoyed their climaxes.

When Beca got the feeling back in her legs, she grabbed Jesse's hand as she got out of the hot tub. "Come on." She said, as she lead him quickly towards the house. Jesse pulled her closer with his free hand, spinning her around to plant a hard kiss on her lips. "Take me to bed." Beca mumbled through their mashed mouths. Jesse nodded his agreement. They managed to get as far as the morning porch when Jesse turned her around again and lifted her onto the table. He was desperate to have her again. He absolutely needed to be inside her and he couldn't wait another second.

"Here?" Beca whispered, motioning towards the house.

"Here." He repeated between kisses. "I _need_ you now."

Beca didn't question him any further and wrapped her legs around his waist as he laid her back on the table. This time he took his time. The hot tub was great but here he had the ability to work his magic. Beca cried out a little as he thrust into her with one, long and very hard push. It didn't hurt her, at least not in a bad way, but the sensation of him filling her almost sent her over the edge.

He held himself still and waited for her to start grinding down against him as she needed taking further. Leaning down over her, droplets of warm water peppered her body as he put all of his weight onto his elbows and covered her. She began to kiss his shoulders and he responded by nipping at her neck and nibbling on her earlobe. Beca turned her head as best she could from her pinned position and kissed his biceps, remembering the contours of his muscles so easily.

Jesse began to move slowly and tentatively to begin with and enjoying the way he fit so perfectly inside Beca. As he began to pick up the pace, he raised himself up onto his arms for leverage and noticed that Beca's eyes began to roll slightly in the back of her head.

"Are you ok?" Jesse whispered into her ear as his hips jerked forward.

"I'm perfect." Beca replied.

Jesse smiled and pulled out of her, almost wanting to laugh at the shocked look on her face before he plunged back into her again and again. Beca clutched at the edges of the table for support and began to pant as the pressure built inside her. She was enjoying the feeling too much to allow herself to let go just yet. She could feel his balls banging against her backside as more water droplets flew from Jesse's wet hair.

They rocked together, each grunting loud, animalistic sounds as they chased their orgasms. Beca was so determined to last longer than Jesse and she would have succeeded if he hadn't dipped his head suddenly and draw one of her nipples into his mouth, scraping over it with his teeth before sucking hard. She cried out loud, loud enough to disturb the neighbors as a powerful orgasm ripped through her. She clung onto his shoulders as her entire body began to shudder. Above her, Jesse's body went rigid and he stiffened as with one final plunge, he emptied his release inside her, stroking his hardness against her walls as she clamped down on him, milking his orgasm from him.

He collapsed on top of her. "Holy fuckballs." He said, after a few moments of nothing but their heavy breathing. "That was... I needed that. You... you are..." His words died away.

"Was it ok?" Beca asked unsure if he was satisfied.

"Baby, that was amazing!" Jesse laughed as his breathing finally returned to normal.

Beca began to shiver as the cool rain continued to splash all around them. "Can we _please_ go inside _now_?" She laughed.

"Sure thing but, I haven't finished with you yet though." Jesse mumbled as he pulled out of her.

"We can continue to celebrate your homecoming upstairs." Beca purred as he helped her off of the table. She leaned up to kiss his lips as he squeezed her butt in response.

They held hands as they walked through into the kitchen and towards the stairs. As they climbed each step, Jesse squeezed, molded, pinched and kissed different parts of Beca's body. Despite feeling deliciously sore, she soon felt her insides turning to mush as they entered her bedroom.

Jesse moved quickly, shooting forward and grabbing her around the waist. He tumbled them both onto the soft, clean comforter so that Beca was lying across his chest. She nestled in between his legs and rested her arms on his chest, leaning down to initiate a deep kiss. Immediately, Jesse wrapped his hand around the back of her head, holding her in place so that she wouldn't break the kiss; not that Beca had any intention of going anywhere anytime soon.

Beca sighed. She'd forgotten how incredible his tongue was and the way it seemed to find all the secret spots inside her mouth. She could feel all her desire being unlocked, as if Jesse held an ancient, magical key. Their tongues twisted so fiercely together, so deep and hard into each other's mouths that soon they both had trouble knowing who's was who's. Beca slipped her fingers into Jesse's hair and he ran his fingers up her side, eliciting a series of goose bumps all over her body.

She wiggled against him, as a deep groan erupted from the back of his throat. His hands moved to cup her ass cheeks, pressing her even farther against him, grinding his throbbing erection against the pale soft skin that he had missed so much. She playfully wiggled some more, liking the way it felt to rub up against him.

Jesse groaned as Beca pulled herself up to straddle him. He caressed the inside of her thigh with his thumb, whispering to her about how silky smooth her skin felt against his. As his hands began to move higher, he slid them up over the contours of her waist all the way up to her breast, pinching her nipple lightly, rolling it between his fingers.

She cried out. The sensation was incredible as she began to rock her hips against him. Slipping his free hand down he found her clit and began pinching it between his fingers, teasing her as she jumped with each squeeze. As his other hand drifted away from her breast, she leaned down to kiss him, but he gently pushed her back and told her to lay back. His fingers found the edges of her entrance, slipping inside her wet and ready folds.

"Jesse." She whispered; her voice shaky and weak. Sitting up, she looked down at his hands working in and out of her body.

"Come for me, baby." He purred as his fingers began to move fast, sliding in and out, up and down. Beca bit down on her lip, leaned forward and grasped hold of his biceps. As the tension in her body started to mount, Jesse pulled his legs up so Beca could lean back, allowing her to move quicker, more frantic against his hand. He plunged three fingers inside her and crooked them forward, like he was motioning for her across a room.

And then his other hand, still tickling her clit, squeezed the little swollen bud, pulling on it gently. Beca erupted as her body convulsed violently atop of him. She threw her head back and moaned, her eyes going wide as she stared up at the ceiling, unable to look at him in the eye. Her body kept twitching as waves of pleasure overcame her and another orgasm tumbled out of her before she knew what was happening.

Jesse pulled his hands away and reached for her, pulling Beca down into his arms where she let out a huge contented sigh as finally her body quieted into a gentle, all over tremble.

"Jesse... I..."

"I know. I missed you too." He said, hugging her closer to him. "I love you."

Beca pulled herself up, off of his chest and looked, wide eyed, down at him. "What did you just say?"

"I said, I missed you too." Jesse said, cocking his head slightly to the side.

"The other thing."

"Oh. Um, I love you."

"You've never said that to me before."

Jesse laughed. "Yes, I have."

"No." Beca said quietly. "No, you haven't, not like that."

"Well, perhaps I didn't mean it before."

"And you do now?" Beca asked, slightly unsure.

"More than anything in the world. Beca, I love you." Jesse said, as clearly as he could.

"I love you too."

"I have nothing to give you. Nothing to offer." Jesse said. "I don't deserve your lo-"

"-Sssh," Beca said, putting her finger up to his lip to stop the rest of his sentence. "You love me and that's all I need right now."

They both grinned at each other until Beca laughed and collapsed against his chest once more. She slid her hand down between them, feeling him. He was rock hard and she knew his swollen junk needed attending to. He rolled them over quickly, pinning her into the mattress and pressing a kiss to her lips. Beca reached down again and wrapped her hand around him, tightening her grip and giving a little squeeze.

"I want you Beca. I want you so fucking bad right now."

"I'm yours."

Beca glided her hand up and down his shaft a few times until Jesse smacked her hand away and settled in between her legs. Unable to take anymore, he pressed a soft kiss to the inside of her thigh, and then slid up her body so his elbows rested on either side of her head. As he brushed the hair away from her face, he kissed her softly, slowly, as if he had all the time in the world and the blood wasn't pounding through his veins like he was running a marathon.

She could feel his heart beating. It thumped so rapidly against her chest that she smiled.

As he kissed her, he probed the entrance to her body, slipping inside easily as she took him all the way in to the hilt. She felt her eyes roll back in her head as her eyelids drifted closed and her head rolled to the side. He moved against her, slow, deliberate, alternating between shallow and deep strokes. She answered each one of his thrusts with her own until she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist. He hugged her tight, pulling her against him as he penetrated her over and over so deeply that her muscles clenched uselessly. His breathing became more labored, and she knew he was about to come when he pushed up onto his arm and reached down between them, once again finding the swollen bud that he knew drove her crazy when he rubbed it. He ground his fingers against it and her back arched in surprise as another orgasm flowed out of her without any warning. This one was more powerful than the last her body trembled as she called out his name. Jesse moaned, needing to hear her come as his own release burst forward. He shuddered as he emptied inside of her and stayed buried deep as they rocked together, completely spent in each other's arms.

It was only when Beca began to shiver and yawn, that Jesse thought about moving. "I'm sorry, I'll let you sleep." He said, as he pulled away from her.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"To the guest house." He said as he stood up. He looked back down as Beca curled up into a ball on the bed. He kissed her before turning and starting towards the door.

"No." She said, and he stopped in his tracks.

"No?" He asked.

"You aren't going anywhere." Beca said, patting the empty side of the bed. "You are here to stay."

 ** _"Pray that it's raining on Sunday  
_ _Stormin' like crazy  
_ _We'll hide under the covers all afternoon  
_ _Baby whatever comes Monday  
_ _Can take care of itself  
_ _'Cause we got better things that we could do  
_ _When it's raining on Sunday"_**

 **o~O~o**

After spending the rest of the afternoon and evening making up for lost time, Beca finally succumbed to sleep in the early hours of the next morning. As Jesse laid in bed, Beca asleep on his chest all he could think about was the wonderful homecoming he's received and the weird events of how the day had started.

Jesse wasn't asleep long when he heard his phone ringing. Recognizing the number, he glanced over at Beca who was still sleeping. He wiggled free of her and slipped out from under the sheets before he walked out of the bedroom to accept the call.

As he closed the door behind him, Jesse took a deep breath. "Dr. Campbell… what did you find out?"

 **o~O~o**


	18. Chapter 17: Xenial and Xenogeneic

**A/N: As always, I want to thank you for reading. Please don't forget to review. I love & appreciate each and every one.**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 17  
Xenial and Xenogeneic**  
 **o~O~o**

Jesse pounded the pavement of downtown Los Angeles everyday for the entire first week he was out of rehab. He had a spring in his step and a smile on his face as the heat of the summer was no longer his enemy and it now simply put him in a good mood. Wearing his new Ray Bans and Los Angeles Dodgers baseball cap, he wasn't quite sure if it was the sun that had him ridiculously happy or the fact that he slept each night with Beca wrapped tightly in his arms. He woke before her each morning and kissed her cheeks before slipping out of bed and heading down to the kitchen to make coffee. He really wanted to make his second chance work and he liked being able to do the little gestures which made her smile.

He applied for every job that he felt he was qualified for; from janitorial and maintenance positions, washing dishes or waiting tables, to folding clothes at Abercrombie and Fitch. He applied for it all but without any recent work experience, he was struggling to find someone to give him a chance. He didn't let that deter him; if anything, it made him try that much harder.

His determination finally paid off on Friday morning when he walked into a highrise office building not far from the Warner office building. He inquired about any available job openings and was pleased to find out that one of the guys from the mailroom had quit just a few days earlier. He applied for the position, left his contact information and headed back into the sunshine. He texted Beca to let her know and within a few hours he got a call back from the company.

Bob, the mailroom supervisor, was anxious to get the position filled and asked Jesse to come back that afternoon for an interview. From the minute they sat down, the two took quite a shine to each other and by the end of the meeting, Jesse walked away with the job. It wasn't the greatest job in the world but the pay was decent and the benefits package was good and the hours were perfect, still allowing him to be able to attend support group meetings in the evenings.

During dinner that evening, he told Beca that he had gotten a job offer. He explained what he would be doing and Beca could see he was excited to get started after the weekend. He went on to tell her that he thought working in the mailroom was going to be a lot like the 1987 movie " _The Secret of My Success"_ starring Michael J. Fox, only his uncle didn't own the company and he had no plans of sleeping with his aunt. Beca desperately wanted to roll her eyes at his movie obsession but she saw such a renewed energy in him, she ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head instead.

 **o~O~o**

Since the building Jesse worked in was on Beca's way to work, the location couldn't have been better. The drive to work every morning was nice for both of them and they took turns behind the wheel which meant a lot to Jesse that she trusted him with her car. At least a couple of times a week, their journey included a stop at Starbucks for lattes and muffins. Beca agreed to pay for what Jesse got at Starbucks until he had some of his own money lining his wallet, after that if he wanted something he had to buy it himself. She couldn't give him another free ride and taking the advice given to her at the family therapy sessions that she should keep to a routine and not try to do everything for him. She kept telling herself that while it sounded like she was being a bitch, she really wasn't and it was for his own good. She had to stick to her guns and make him find his way otherwise muffins and coffee could turn into much, much more. She'd already let him in to her bed quicker than she should have but she was internally struggling with how much she missed him. While it still felt a little strained, she couldn't imagine him being anywhere else.

The mailroom where Jesse worked, served the entire building, all 60 floors and most of the offices belonged to law firms, modeling agencies, financial advisors and high powered business tycoons who wanted success in every major city. While the work was mundane, it was steady and it managed to keep Jesse busy all day. He even went so far as to make a friend, a colleague named Mike who looked out for him and showed him the ropes and Jesse enjoyed his company. It was an honest day's work for an honest day's pay and at this point and time, that's all he was looking for. Well, he was looking for a big break in the music industry but knew he needed to pay his dues just like everyone else did before that was going to happen. The more he thought about the more he wanted to overcome his past and solidify his future. He also wanted people to understand and appreciate that he worked hard for his break, he didn't _want_ anything to be handed to him.

A couple of times a week, on his lunch break, Jesse would pick up sandwiches from the corner deli and surprise Beca with a picnic lunch in her office. It was a small gesture but it showed Beca that, while he wasn't making a lot of money, he was doing little things to show his appreciation for everything she had done and continued to do for him. He knew that she didn't always stop for lunch and he didn't want her getting sick.

At the end of the day, Jesse would punch out and walk half a block over to Warner to wait for Beca. On most days, she was ready to go within a few minutes of him arriving but on the occasions that she wasn't, Jesse would curl up on the couch in her office and watch TV until she was finished for the day. If she happened to be working in the studio, she'd sneak Jesse in so he could listen to what she was working on which he really loved. He didn't even mind dodging the two ice queens who sat outside Beca's office for it. For some reason, they still hadn't warmed up to him.

Beca's parents hated that Jesse was back in her life but had to admit that rehab had done a world of good for him. It was because of Jesse that Beca was no longer working late into the night and on weekends, she was taking better care of herself and sleeping better, so in reality they owed him a debt of gratitude. They were actually really proud of her for taking an interest in his recovery and seeing him through it from start to finish. While they weren't crazy about him living in Beca's guest house, they admitted that it was far better than him sleeping in her bed, though if they were honest, they knew it wouldn't be long before he was. They could see the way Beca looked at Jesse and knew it was only a matter of time before they were back together. What they didn't know was that they were back together and Jesse actually slept in Beca's bed most nights although he hadn't moved all of his belongings back into her closet and wouldn't until she said he could.

It wasn't long before Beca started bringing Jesse to Sunday dinners. In fact, her parents even suggested that she start hosting Sunday dinners once a month. Secretly they made the suggestion because they wanted to see Jesse in Beca's house where _he_ was comfortable. They were planning to scrutinize his every move and figured they may see more if he was in familiar surroundings and with his guard down.

In watching him, they learned that he had, in fact, made a lot of changes. He wasn't the same person they'd met all those months ago. Where he'd always been polite and overly cautious around them before, he now was much more relaxed and open. He talked sports with her dad and got drinks for everyone as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He cleared the table after the meal had finished and when the time came for her parents to leave, he held Anne's coat out for her to slip her arms into and leaned down to peck her politely on the cheek. As a criminal court judge, Anne saw people ruin their lives everyday, there were very few that could attend rehab, make a vow to become clean and sober then actually do it but Jesse had. While Anne still had reservations about Jesse, he made Beca happy and her happiness was all she wanted.

Within a few weeks, everyone knew that Beca and Jesse were officially back together. And if Beca and Jesse were honest with themselves, they'd been back together since the day he came home from rehab, but aside from Amy and 'Dipstick or whatever that dude's stupid name was', no one else knew that though. Things had been going well and they were both really, really happy.

It was almost too good to be true.

o~O~o

When the alarm went off at 5am, Beca groaned as she untangled herself from Jesse's limbs and reached over to turn it off. It was Monday morning, and the first day she had to go back to work after having Thanksgiving week off. She found herself wondering why in the hell she hadn't taken Monday off too. She laid there for several minutes before deciding it really was time to get up and while Jesse had gotten up first most mornings to get coffee, he'd made no attempt to stir that morning. She needed to work out, get ready for work and put something in the slow cooker for dinner that evening.

As she rolled over onto her side and attempted to throw the covers off of her, Jesse reached out and pulled her back toward the middle of the bed.

"Don't go." He mumbled as she squealed in surprise.

She turned to face him and playfully wrestled against him. "I have to put the lasagna together so I can put it in the oven when we get home this evening _and_ we both need to get to work."

"I've got something else that needs to be put to work." He smirked then grabbed her hand and pressed it to his erection as he rolled on top of her, settling comfortably between her legs.

"Jesse, we just had sex two hours ago." Beca reminded him as she tilted her head to allow him better access to her neck and subconsciously parted her knees for him.

He was trying his hardest to get her in the mood by kissing and rubbing her in all the right places. "Wow! Has it really been that long? We need to up our game." He said between kisses.

There was no point in trying to resist him so she gave in. Jesse had been home for almost six weeks and she wasn't at all sure if she had slept a full night in that time. In fact, she was lucky if she got four hours at a stretch, but somehow she managed to have the energy to get through the day.

"Mmm…" She hummed as Jesse sucked and twisted her overly sensitive nipples. Everything was sensitive and had been for weeks since he'd been home. She had decided it was due to him being over loving and knowing exactly what buttons to push to turn her on in seconds. They had more than made up for lost time. She often found herself wondering how she was still able walk, even Amy had mentioned the ' _hitch in her get along'_ several times. Beca laughed at the memory.

Jesse stopped what he was doing and lifted his head. Beca's eyes opened wide. "Why'd you stop?"

"Why are you laughing?"

"Just remembered something Amy said."

"What did she say?"

"We had just gotten out of a team meeting, she was going to her office and I was going to mine. Anyway, she stopped, turned around and said ' _That little hitch in your get along is kinda cute.'_ "

"A hitch in your get along huh? Well… let me see if there's something I can do about that." He said with the biggest shit eating grin Beca had ever seen.

One hand immediately dropped down to her breast, his fingers tweaking her rapidly hardening bud, his mouth clamped down on her other nipple. His other hand snaked its way between them and he started rubbing her clit. Within seconds, Beca's head fell back, her mouth open.

Jesse loved watching her like this but what he liked more than watching was making her beg. She was always so receptive to his touch and today was no exception. Beca was rubbing her feet wildly on the sheets. She moaned as Jesse took her nipple between his teeth and flicked it with his tongue. It hadn't taken very long at all to get her to the point where she was all but begging him for what she wanted and needed.

She put her hands on Jesse's shoulders and pushed him down. Jesse smirked knowing exactly where she wanted him. He winked at her as he ran his tongue over her chest as he pushed down the sheets. He greedily slipped his tongue between her slick folds. With each swipe of his tongue, with each nip of her clit, Beca panted. Her hips began to thrust involuntarily and though she never said a word, he was doing everything she told him to do.

Jesse placed light, loving kisses on the inside of thighs before making his way back up her body. Lining himself up with her entrance and without any further warning, he thrust inside of her with one long, hard jerk of his hips. She cried out at the sensation and clutched at his shoulders as he settled onto his arms and held himself perfectly still. Beca rotated her hips, desperate for him to take her further as she whimpered in protest.

"Please..." She begged but Jesse shook his head.

"What's it worth?" He whispered, teasing her as she began to thrust her hips against his.

"I really don't want to rip your balls off right now." She growled and he smirked down at her as he slipped his arms under her back. He lifted his hips and picked up the pace as she closed her eyes in ecstasy as they both continued to ride the waves together. "Oohh… mmm… "

Jesse gave a final grunt and while still buried deep inside of her, he slowly lowered his head to rest on Beca's chest. "Shit!"

"What? What's wrong?" Beca asked, breathing heavily.

Jesse nuzzled her neck. "That was amazing!" He mumbled as his eyes closed.

o~O~o

When Beca woke up an hour later, still all sweaty and tangled up in the bedsheets, she finally felt like she could face the day and she had Jesse to thank for that. She carefully peeled herself away from Jesse for the second time that morning, getting up slowly so she didn't disturb him. She certainly didn't have time for another round that morning. She pulled on one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers before making her way downstairs to get dinner started.

Anytime she was in her kitchen, she was happy. She enjoyed cooking and viewed it as therapeutic outlet. While getting the lasagna ready, she began thinking back to Thanksgiving Day. Every seemed to have a good time even though she had forbidden anyone from drinking in Jesse's presence. Nobody seemed to object and a couple of people even said they enjoyed the day even more as they didn't have to deal with the hangover the next day She missed Aubrey though as it was one of only two years that they hadn't spent Thanksgiving together since they were children. Beca was also sad because she hadn't see Luke either. Aubrey had flown to Dallas with Ben to be with his family for the holiday. She was actually pretty excited to see Aubrey later in the week at yoga class. Luke, on the other hand, didn't offer Beca a proper explanation for his absence and she knew his feeble concotion of being so busy with work that he couldn't take the day off was beyond weak. She made a mental note to spend an evening with him the following week to find out what was going on with the bug up his ass.

As she placed the pan of lasagna in the fridge, she caught a glimpse of the last slice of homemade apple pie that she had made. Taking the pie and warming it in the microwave Beca began to think of her Granny. When she was seventeen, her Granny tried teaching her how to make her famous homemade pie crust. Granny had had zero patience that day and yelled at Beca quite a bit but in the end they had made some pretty special memories. Beca was proud to say that by her twenty first birthday, she had finally mastered making her Granny's perfect pie crust. She smiled as she sat at the table with the last piece of pie and a cup of English breakfast tea.

After cleaning up the mess she'd made, Beca made her way back upstairs. She'd put off getting ready for work for as long as she could and really needed to get a move on. Sawyer scheduled a working lunch that day and she couldn't miss it. Warner had recently signed several new artists and they had already started to plan for the New Year.

She stood next to the bed trying to rouse Jesse awake. "Wake up sleepy head."

He grunted. "What time is it?"

"It's 6:30… you really need to wake up." She told him before she kissed his cheek. "Come on… up and at'em!"

"I'll get up in a minute." He sighed.

"Ok, don't be long." She told him as she began to undress on her way to the en suite bathroom.

As she showered she started thinking back to all of the things that had happened in her life since she had met Jesse. The more she thought, the more she believed that the good definitely outweighed the bad. Sure, he'd made some pretty stupid mistakes but she wasn't perfect either and everyone deserved a second chance. She looked around the shower and smiled seeing all of Jesse's things mixed up with her own. For the first time in a long time she was content and beyond happy.

She picked up the shampoo bottle, squirted some in her hand and began lathering her hair. As she scrubbed, she sang a song she'd been working with Emily on just a few days before.

" _I got all I need when I got you and I  
I look around me, and see a sweet life  
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight  
You're getting me, getting me, through the night  
Kickstart my heart when you shine it in my eyes  
Can't lie, it's a sweet life  
Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight  
You're getting me, getting me, through the night"_

She was so into what she was doing that she hadn't heard Jesse enter the shower. "Sounds like a great song… where's it from?" He asked, causing her to jump and grab her chest.

Turning around, she smacked his shoulder. "You jerk!" She said playfully.

Jesse laughed and threw his arms up to block any other punches she was going to throw. "Hey! C'mere." He said pulling her in for a kiss. "Sorry I scared you."

Beca wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled. "You can shower with me but I'm not having sex with you again this morning."

"Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that." He said nuzzling her neck. Beca immediately felt every ounce of her willpower leaving her body. He was insatiable… hell, if she was honest, they both were. She never stood a chance when it came to Jesse and if they kept this up, she may never walk normally again.

Thirty minutes later, they were both finally finished showering and were ready for the day. Jesse shaved while Beca applied her make up and braided her hair over her right shoulder. When he was dressed and ready, he went downstairs to get breakfast while Beca got dressed. She slipped on a white button down dress shirt, jeans, a navy cardigan, a thin leopard print belt and matching heels. Giving herself a once over she added a leopard print infinity scarf, put some perfume on and made her way downstairs.

"You look great!" Jesse told her as he took his last bite of cereal.

"Thanks. You ready?"

"Yeah. Just gotta go upstairs and grab a hoodie."

Beca kissed the top of his head before he stood up and took his dishes to the sink. "You want coffee to go?"

"Yes please." Jesse called from the stairs.

 **o~O~o**

The morning flew by. Beca was no sooner at work, her cup of tea close by, when she began answering emails and returning phone calls. Before she knew it, Amy was standing in the doorway demanding her attention.

"Time for our lunch meeting Shorty McGee!" Amy called out loudly as she walked into Beca's office making her jump a foot in her chair. She shook her head at her blonde friend as Amy tapped the watch on her wrist.

Beca opened the door to her private bathroom, dug around in her purse before pulling out her foundation and patting at her nose for a moment. She closed her compact and threw it back in her makeup bag. "I'm coming. Just need to grab my drink and my iPad." She said as she tossed her makeup bag on her desk.

"Beca… Darlie with Glamour Magazine called about the up and coming article and studio photo shoot with Emily." Kimmy told Beca as she walked in her office.

"Shit! I forgot about that. Ok… umm… call Emily and nail down a day and time that's good for her. If she needs a ride, arrange for Bernie to pick her up. Then call Beth to schedule appointments with Craig and Vanessa for hair and makeup. Call Margo and ask her to pull some things for the shoot. Clothes, jewelry, shoes… the works but tell her to keep in mind that Emily is only 18 and this is her first photo shoot, so nothing too risque. Then call Darlie back with all the pertinent information." Beca told her as she pulled up her schedule for the following week. "I have a few time slots available early next week, the only day that's absolutely out is Thursday. I have studio times scheduled with Charlie Puth and T. I. that day. Let's really try to shoot for Friday though, that's definitely my least crazy day."

"Ok… I'm on it boss." Kimmy said as she jotted down notes. "Anything else?"

Beca was trying to think. "No… I think that's it. Unless you have any butter pecan ice cream hidden about your person."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, forget it. That's everything."

"Alright then… I'll take care of everything on this list and get back to you."

"Beca! Come on! If we're late Sawyer is going to filet us!" Amy barked. "I was planning on eating lunch at the meeting...not _being_ the one that gets eaten!"

Beca sighed. "Kimmy text me if anything goes ass up."

"Got it!"

"Beca!" Amy called through gritted teeth.

"Ok, ok… I'm right behind you."

 **o~O~o**

The meeting, while extremely informative and productive, had worn Beca out, or maybe that was her morning activities before she had gotten to work that were finally catching up to her. She was exhausted, yet the day wasn't anywhere near over.

"Hey Bec.." Amy called over her shoulder as she continued to walk down the corridor towards her office.

"Yeah?"

"If you aren't careful, we're gonna have to unscrew your legs at the hip joints."

"What?" Beca said, coming to a complete stop and throwing a look at Amy.

"That hitch of yours… it's gotten a little worse." Amy winked.

Beca laughed. "Aww, what's the matter Ames… Dipstick not greasing your joints at night?"

Amy got a big grin on her face. "Apparently he's not nearly as good as Mr. Sex-On-A-Stick."

"Well… I'm not loaning him out, so Stick Shift will have to watch some YouTube videos to learn how to grind those gears." Beca said as she pulled the glass door to her office open. "Hey girls… what happened while I was in the meeting?" She asked Kimmy and Lilly.

Kimmy took several minutes to give Beca the rundown as followed her to the kitchenette for a bottle of water. "So, Emily said Friday is the best day for her too since she doesn't have any classes that day. Bernie will pick her up at 8am sharp and bring her directly here. I've already let security know that depending on traffic, she'll be arriving at about 8:45 and they'll have her guest badge ready. Margo will be here with clothes etc... at 8:30. Beth has Emily down for hair with Craig at 9:15 and with Vanessa for makeup at 10 o'clock. Those appointments should take about an hour and a half total. You have touch ups scheduled at 10:45. Clothes, hair and makeup will all setup in conference room B. Darlie and her crew will arrive at 10am to begin their setup in conference room A since it's closest to the studio and the interview and pictures will begin promptly at 11:30." Kimmy finally took a breath as she finished what she was saying.

"Ok, sounds good… but why am I getting touch ups?" Beca asked looking confused.

"They want pictures of you and Emily in the studio… remember?"

"Oh yeah… Gotcha."

"You good with that?"

"Yeah… I guess I have to be, right?" Beca said as she plastered a fake smile across her face.

"Pretty much." Kimmy agreed. "Be sure to wear something cute!"

"I don't own ' _cute'_."

"Bullshit… I see you in cute stuff everyday!" Kimmy said. "In fact… you look adorable today!"

Beca was in the middle of a spectacular eye roll when she did she caught a glimpse of Lilly who had been sitting quietly at her desk. "Umm… Lilly, why are you putting sweaters on gummy bears?"

Lilly stared at her blankly. "Because I have already watered the plants with vodka." She whispered, looking extremely annoyed that Beca had asked her such a stupid question.

Beca just shook her head as she turned to walk into her office. Closing the door behind her she saw the mountains of files on her desk and let out a long sigh. So far, her day had been exhausting, it had started early and hadn't stopped since. As she walked across the room she gave the couch a wishful look, she wanted and needed a nap. Making a mental note to tell Jesse no sex that night, she kicked her heels off and sat down at her desk.

She started checking emails, voicemails and going through the files when she reached across her glass topped desk for her bottle of water. She turned at the same time as her phone began to ring and knocked her makeup bag and several files onto the floor, spilling the contents everywhere under her desk. She knelt down and started picking up her things, catching sight of a large manilla envelope marked:

 _Rebeca E. Mitchell  
Personal and Confidential  
re: Jesse Christopher Swanson _

She raised her eyebrows unable to recall seeing the package before and certainly didn't understand why something regarding Jesse would get sent to her office. She crossed her legs as she sat under her desk and pulled open the tab to release several large colorful photographs inside. She audibly gasped at the contents as she flicked through the pictures. Shaking, she reached in her pocket for her phone before remembering it was ringing on her desk. Gathering up the last of her things, she quickly collated her paperwork and stuffed her personal items back into her makeup bag, grimacing as she looked down at the last product in her hand.

Getting comfortable in her chair and taking a few deep breaths, she opened her desk drawer and threw her cosmetics and the photographs into the drawer. She picked up her cell phone just as it buzzed with a text message. Seeing it was from her Mom, she ignored it for a moment and scrolled through her contacts to find the one person she knew she could trust as she tried to make sense of what she had just seen.

"What?"

"Hey, it's me." Beca said quickly.

"I know, I have caller I.D."

"Please don't be pissy. I need..." Her voice trailed off as she began to cry, overcome with fatigue and emotion.

"Beca, what's wrong?" He asked, suddenly concerned.

"Please come..." She sobbed.

"What's up? Spit it out, stop dawdling."

"I need you. I know you are at work but-"

"-Is everything ok?"

"I've just seen something I wasn't expecting and I don't know what to do."

"I can be there in fifteen minutes."

"Hurry… please."

"I'm leaving now." Beca could hear a set of keys being collected and felt a sense of relief.

"Thank you. And Luke..."

"I know."

Beca hung up and sat back in her chair as she glanced down at the drawer again. Wincing at the contents, she kicked it shut with her foot before leaning forward and placing her elbows on her desk. She sighed heavily.

"Ah shit."


	19. Chapter 18: Veracious and Voracious

**A/N: This chapter comes a little late in the day but perhaps it will leave you with warm thoughts and sweet dreams as you lay down tonight... OR you could end up with an itch you just can't scratch!**

 **Please don't forget to review! I love hearing from each and every one of you!**

 **Corinne, I'm not sure what I would do without you! You're amazing! Thank you! x**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Chapter 18  
** **o~O~o**

Just as he had promised her, Luke was on his way to her office immediately after hanging up. He had absolutely no idea what kind of shit storm he was walking into but one thing was sure, Beca was going to expect him to help clean up whatever this latest mess was. The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got and the harder he thumped the steering wheel in frustration as he approached the third set of traffic lights in a row. He'd already slammed his hand on his car horn at a little old lady who had taken too long to cross the street although he did put his hand up to apologize when he realized he was taking his anger out on the wrong person.

He and Beca had always been close, their parents had even said they were "thick as thieves" and they were correct but right now, he was annoyed beyond measure at his best friend. As kids they were inseparable and that hadn't changed as they had grown into mature adults; relying on each other when necessary, being the voice of reason on the other end of the phone or having the guts to tell each other when to pull their head out of their ass. But the one thing that had managed to change their friendship was Jesse. Since Jesse had come on the scene eleven months earlier, Luke couldn't even get Beca to commit to a casual lunch on a random Wednesday much less anything else.

In the beginning, he had avoided meeting Jesse because he felt he was bad news and his gut was constantly screaming that he needed to get Beca to understand his feelings. He hadn't gotten around to tell Beca how pissed he was about her letting Jesse back into her life after he had finished his stay in rehab. He worried for their friendship and the direction it was headed. He'd called Aubrey and talked to her and she had asked him the one question he needed to be asked. " _Why are you so mad at her for having a life?"_ He thought about the answer long and hard. In the end, it was simple. He missed his best friend and he was a little lost and lonely without her… he needed her just as much as she needed him, which prompted his next thought. " _Will I ever be anything more than her than just her friend?"_ But that was something he would never talk to anyone else about.

Hearing the car horns behind him, he realized that the light had been green for a few seconds and pulled away sharply, leaving behind the smell of burning rubber and a little piece of his bad attitude. As Luke pulled into the parking garage at Warner, he passed Beca's car and made a mental note that, despite the wonky parking, it looked to be fine, so that clearly wasn't what she was calling about. He continued to circle a couple of times until he found an empty space to park. Exiting his car, he briefly wondered if Sawyer had followed through with his earlier threats and fired Beca but he realized that that couldn't have been the case as she'd have called from her cell and arranged to meet elsewhere. The last time he had spoken to her everything was going well, so for him to suddenly fire her would have be extremely unexpected given the fact that she had done a complete one eighty. She hadn't given him anything to go on and his mind was literally going ninety to nothing trying to figure it out. For a brief moment, he thought about texting Amy but Beca would surely kill him if he tipped her off to something personal that Beca clearly didn't want her to be privy to. Sighing loudly, he hit the button on the key fob to lock and arm his car before walking to the bridge that connected the parking garage to the Warner building.

Exiting the elevator, Luke tried his best to swallow his anger and replace it with concern. If he was being honest he was truly concerned for whatever Beca was dealing with and no doubt it had something to do with Jesse. There had been a _tone_ to her voice that he didn't recognize; aside from sounding exhausted and sad. He felt a tug in his gut as he realized that whatever it was, it was obvious that Beca had reached out to him first for help and he was grateful for that.

Walking down the corridor towards her office, a route he'd taken more times than he cared to remember, he collected his thoughts and schooled his features to remain impassive as he pulled open the door and stepped into Beca's office. Luke noticed that Kimmy and Lilly actually appeared to be working… real, legitimate work. He was impressed but glancing into Beca's office he didn't see her right away, which was unusual as she was normally glued to her desk.

"Hey ladies." He spoke formally and nodded politely.

"Hey Luke." They said in unison, neither looking up from what they were doing. Luke looked slightly confused as he watched Lilly trying to catch a fly with a pair of chopsticks. So much for looking like she was hard at work.

"Beca called and asked me to stop by- Wait… why is she on the floor? Is she ok?" Luke asked, extremely concerned.

Kimmy finally looked up from what she was doing and turned her chair to face him. She gave him the once over with an air of self importance and he squirmed a little as she curled her lip at his outfit. "She knocked some of the files on her desk to the floor. She sat on the floor to pick them up but she never got up."

"She's napping under her desk." Lilly whispered, crosseyed and snapping the chopsticks about two inches away from her nose.

Luke rolled his eyes, a habit he'd picked from Beca. Lilly was weird as fuck but she was sweet as the day was long so he completely understood why Beca kept her around; she still unnerved him though. "Anything else I need to know before I go in and face the music?"

"Yes… I went in to check on her about twenty minutes ago... and when she heard the door open, she threw an ink pen at me and told me to ' _get the fuck out'_... so I did." Kimmy confessed. "It's a real inconvenience, Luke. I am not paid enough to deal with her episodes."

"Great!" Luke said as he rubbed the back of his neck. Beca was in a mood and he was going in blind… this was going to be a great afternoon.

As he walked in Beca did exactly what she had done to Kimmy, minus the pen throwing. Perhaps she had run out of ammo judging by the number of pens on the floor near the door. "I said ' _get the fuck out'_!"

Luke threw his arms up in front of his face in the event that she had an emergency stash of ammunition under the desk; there was something about a pink highlighter that really stung when it smacked someone in the face. "Hey Bec… it's me but if you've changed your mind about me being here I can just leave." He said cautiously throwing his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the door.

"No… wait, stay please. You're the _only_ one I want to see." Beca said loudly and a little too quickly.

Luke walked around the desk and was slightly shocked to see her curled up in the space under her desk. She looked so little and he couldn't have sat on the floor next to Beca any faster if he'd tried. As he leaned his back against the desk, she crawled out and propped herself up next to him, putting her head on his shoulder, pulled open her desk drawer and without looking, dug around for a couple of seconds before handing him the envelope.

Flipping through the contents of the envelope, Luke asked, "Who sent this to you?"

"That's just it… I don't know. There's no return address or any other indication where it might have come from."

"This wasn't your doing?"

"Nope."

"How did it get here?"

"I don't know." Beca admitted as she began to wring her hands. "It was mixed in with some work related files that Kimmy put on my desk while I was in a lunch meeting earlier today."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know."

"Well… what do you want me to do about it then?"

"Tell me what to do."

"I can't tell you what to do Beca."

"But I'm asking you to."

Luke needed to put some space between himself and Beca. He stood up and started to pace. "So, let me get this straight… I don't hear from you for weeks because that bloody wanker is back with his suave moves, empty promises and muppet looking hair and, now you're presented with problem number three hundred and seventy five and I'm just supposed to swoop in and fix everything?"

"Yes."

"Are you completely barmy? If Billy-No-Mates doesn't know his onions-"

"-Luke… please don't be like that." She said finally standing up. "Don't go all Britishy on me."

"How do you want me to be?" Luke asked angrily. "I've always been here for you, for every damn thing, but when I needed you, you were too wrapped up with Mr. Bad News to even return my fucking calls."

Beca had the decency to look as guilty as she felt. He was right. He had called several times and she hadn't even bothered sending him a simple text. She had plenty of time, especially during her workday to call him back but she hadn't. "I'm sorry-"

"-are you though?"

"Luke-"

Luke threw his hands in the air. "-Beca… I love you more than I love life itself but you've been a really shitty friend lately and then, you get something like that on your desk..." He said gesturing toward the envelope and its contents. "... and I'm just… I don't know… supposed to pull a miracle out of my arse? How do you get yourself mixed up with all of this... this… crap? I swear he must have been conceived through anal sex because there is absolutely no way in hell that being that much of an arsehole comes that naturally!"

Beca doubled over in a fit of laughter.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" He asked. "I'm beyond pissed off and you're laughing at me?"

Beca regained control of herself. "Sorry… it's just… what you just said about how he was conceived sounded like something Amy would say."

Luke smacked his forehead; would Beca ever take him seriously? Was she even listening to a word of what he was saying? He took her hand in his. "Listen, I love you more than my luggage, which as you know comes from Fortnum and Mason and cost more than an average family spends on their monthly groceries so you know I'm not buggering about here. But this has got to stop. He's bad news Rebeca. Bad news. We've all tried to tell you and you-"

"-But you haven't given him a chance. You just see the negative side of things."

"He has done nothing to show me any _other_ side." Luke retorted. He picked up the packet of photographs and casually glanced at the top one. "You need to talk to him about this. It could hurt you badly in the future."

"That's a lot easier said than done."

"Stop being a twit and tell the plonker that he needs to explain himself. Why are you so afraid of talking to him?"

"I'm not. There's more going on right now than I can tell you about."

"Oh no Missy Mae, you don't pull that shit with me." Luke ran his fingers through his hair. "We may not have spoken for a while but that doesn't give you carte blanche to pick and choose what we talk about."

"I _can't_ talk to you about all of this!"

" _You_ called _me_! You asked me to drop everything and get over here!"

"I didn't ask you to drop everything!"

"Yeah, you did... the second you dialed my number. Well, I'm here… so start talking damnit!"

 **o~O~o**

Walking into the reception area of Beca's office, Amy noticed Kimmy and Lilly standing quietly, sharing a bowl of popcorn and looking into Beca's office, perched on the edge of Kimmy's desk. "What's going on?" Amy asked loudly causing both girls to jump.

"They're arguing." Kimmy said as she put more popcorn in her mouth. "We can't hear a word of what they're saying…" She leaned over and quietly tapped her knuckles on the glass so as not to disturb the arguing couple. "... sound proof glass but they're definitely having a very loud difference of opinion by the looks of it."

"Oh bonzer!" Amy said, pushing her way between the girls and digging her fingers into the bowl of popcorn.

Kimmy shooed Amy away from the bowl. "Bitch… go get your own!"

"Rude!" Amy said pouting. "Well… have you asked _them_ if they want snacks?" Amy asked pointing to Beca and Luke.

Kimmy shot Amy the stank eye. "And why would I do that?"

"Look at them! They're starving!" Amy said before she walked around to sit in Kimmy's desk chair. Lilly made a strange noise and started jogging on the spot.

"How can you tell?" Kimmy asked.

"Beca's chewing on her fingernails. Skinny Girl is hungry." Amy replied as she picked up Kimmy Jin's marker.

"Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Kimmy asked Amy, ignoring the weird cooing noise coming from Lilly's side of the room.

Lilly started making a strange noise and whispering, "Fly like a bird, far, far away." Both girls turned and looked at her. She was squatting on her desk and flapping her arms like a bird.

"Um, Lilly?"

"Coo... coo... coo."

"Is she on something?" Amy asked Kimmy.

"She had three cups of coffee this morning. Usually sends her slightly batty. Worse part is that she drank decaf. Watch out, she might try to jump out of the window declaring she needs to fly south for the winter."

"But there isn't a window in the office."

"Do you think that would stop Lilly?"

"I guess not." Amy shook her head. "Anyway… isn't it obvious what I'm doing?"

"If it was obvious I wouldn't have asked."

"I'm making a sign." Amy said flatly.

"A sign?"

"Just watch." Amy told her as she continued to write. When she was done, she stood up and walked over to the place she had been standing only moments before. Amy held her handmade sign up to the glass for Luke and Beca to see.

Kimmy shook her head. "Amy, you dumbass… you're holding the sign the wrong way!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!" Kimmy pointed to the sign and Amy looked down at her handmade masterpiece.

"Well… hells bells!" Amy said turning the sign around.

"Do you really think pizza is going to help them right now?"

"Yes! Pizza solves everything!" Amy said as she tried banging on the glass to get their attention but gave up and decided to call for pizza anyway.

After Amy placed the order, the three girls stood watching and wondering what the topic of conversation was on the other side of the glass. They had all, at one time or another, witnessed Beca and Luke having a go at each other but this was hands down, the most intense one they'd seen.

"Who needs The Young & The Restless when we've got these two?" Kimmy asked.

Amy nodded in agreement. "They need to just have sex already... geez!"

"Yeah, there's definitely some deeper, unexplored feelings and sexual tension there!"

 **o~O~o**

"I'm entitled to keep a few things to myself!" Beca yelled, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Fine! I'm out of here!" Luke reached down to scoop up his keys and phone that he'd laid out on the desk. "You're right. Things have definitely changed between us. You obviously don't have to tell me a bloody thing."

"Oh really? Like you tell me everything." Beca said, snaking her hands onto her hips and cocking her head to one side.

"Of course I do." Luke said, defiantly, matching her pose.

"Pinkie promise?" Beca asked, holding out her little finger to Luke.

"Beca, I..."

"See! You're keeping things from me."

"I'm not!" Luke barked.

"Lucas Oliver Robert Donovan! You're lying to me."

"I'm not lying-"

"-But you're not telling the truth either!" Beca snapped. She took a couple of deep breaths before continuing. "I can tell when you are keeping things from me."

"How?!"

"For a start, you gulp like a fish, you get this overly Britishy sweaty thing going on and you click your fingers like you are on-"

"-Fine! I saw Jesse that day."

"What day?" Beca asked, suddenly confused.

"The day those pictures were taken."

"Oh." Beca said, her voice suddenly small as she tried to process everything. "Oh. I get it. Wow."

"You get what?" Luke asked.

"So you _did_ send me these pictures?!"

"No! I didn't Beca. I swear to you I didn't." Luke said, looking at her directly in the eye as he said it.

"Right Luke?" Beca said shrilly. "You've just confessed to-"

"-I've done nothing of the sort. And I'll-"

"-Stop it, just-"

"-I pinkie promise you I didn't send those pictures to you. I might be many things but I'm not sneaky like that." Luke said, holding out his hand to Beca. She looked surprised at the familiar gesture and took his fingers graciously, relaxing immediately the second Luke wrapped his digits around hers and squeezed gently.

"Then who else would do it?"

"I don't know! But it wasn't me!"

"So you saw him… then what happened?"

"He didn't see me. I was going to take some pictures with my cellphone of the people he was with and send them to you but decided not to. I figured he'd fuck up all on his own."

"Which he clearly did!" Beca laughed without humor.

"Well, yes. But off the record, I never wanted to see you hurt."

"Yeah, well..."

"That's the truth."

"I know." Beca said sadly. She dropped Luke's hand and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Want to tell me what's really going on?" Luke asked.

"How do you mean?" Beca questioned.

"A couple of modest photographs wouldn't send you over the edge like this normally. Usually, you'd rant, snark, bark, possibly break something and then you'd meet me for coffee and we'd end up hatching a plan. This is unlike you, to throw your hands up in the air in such a manner. So 'fess up, what's really going on?"

"Luke, it's not the right time." Beca said leaning her ass on her desk. Luke, who had not stopped pacing at this point, moved towards her and was about to speak when he looked down into the desk drawer that she'd pulled the envelope from earlier. He visibly blanched at what he saw.

"What the fuck is that?"

"It's nothing." Beca said, slamming the drawer shut with her knee.

"Doesn't look like nothing to me!"

 _*tapping on the glass*_

"What is it?" The dulcet tones of Amy muffled voice could be heard in Beca's office and they both spun around to see the side of Amy's head pressed to the glass as she tried desperately to hear what was going on between Beca and Luke.

"What the fuck Amy?" Beca yelled, more out of annoyance than anger.

"I just wanted to know if you wanted pizza?" Amy called, gesturing with her hands as if she was eating an overly large slice of pie.

"Will the three of you _please_ get back to work?" Beca shouted agitatedly. She turned to Luke. "Dude, we've got an audience. Now isn't the time. Really." She gestured towards the office door. Luke looked back towards her desk and opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off. "Luke, go. Please, just go."

"Are you seriously ignoring-"

"-Luke. Get. The. Fuck. Out."

 **o~O~o  
Three Days Later  
o~O~o**

Luke laid in bed alone, wide awake long after he should have been asleep. He hated the way he'd left things with Beca. They never went more than a day or two without speaking to each other after an argument but day three was quickly coming to a close and still no word from Beca. He loved seeing Beca happy because, if for no other reason, happy looked really good on her but right now that simply wasn't the case. She'd gotten something she wasn't expecting from some random person that thought she needed to see a series of pictures that she wasn't sure what to do with and he couldn't ignore all of the information and new findings that he'd discovered that day. Luke continued to look at his phone, debating whether or not he should send her a text.

It was late and halfway across town, Beca couldn't sleep either. As she laid next to Jesse, who was fast asleep, she replayed everything that had happened over the last few days. She hadn't spoken to Luke since they argued and she was feeling sudden twinges of guilt. She'd called him because she'd needed him but then kicked him out an hour later. No wonder he'd looked so hurt as he'd left. He was as confused about everything as she was. He was her best friend, always had been, always would be and no matter what he would always be there for her. He had proven that more times than he should have had to. He'd proved himself time and time again that he earned the title of her nearest and dearest friend and she shouldn't have tried to keep anything from him. If Jesse had a problem with him, he'd have said so, Beca knew all this was on her. Trying not to disturb Jesse, she reached over and grabbed her cellphone to send Luke a text.

" _Are we ok?"  
_ " _Absolutely."  
_ " _Are you sure?"  
_ " _Swear on the Queen of England's fourth corgi."  
_ " _You and that damn corgi!"  
_ " _You're up late."  
_ " _So are you. I can't sleep… what's your excuse?"  
_ " _Can't sleep. Have you confronted Jesse yet?"  
_ " _No. It's not the right time."  
_ " _There's never going to be a good time."_

Beca thought about what Luke said. He was right… there would never be a good time to confront Jesse about what she knew. There was really no way around it. Besides wrecking her house and going to jail, what else had he been up to while she was in Oahu? Were there more pictures out there? If so, when would those arrive and what would they be of?

Several minutes passed with no word from Beca. Luke wondered if she'd gone to sleep or if he'd pissed her off again. Just when he was about to give up, he decided to send one more message.

" _Hello? Bec… What are you going to do?"  
_ _"Cry until you come over with cupcakes!"  
_ " _Cupcakes I can do. But I think Jesse might think a 3am cake delivery is suspicious."  
_ " _What do I do then?"  
_ _"You need to get Jesse to tidy up his affairs."  
_ " _He's trying Luke. He's working hard and setting aside money every week to pay rent and his share of the bills."  
_ " _Oh perfect, I can see the shiny new leaf from here."  
_ " _Don't be an asshole."  
_ " _Talk to him then."  
_ " _I don't know how. What if he is pissed?"  
_ " _You need to tell him Beca. You don't know where the pictures came from but if he finds them it's going to be much worse."  
_ " _I know."  
_ " _Why are you with someone you're scared of?"  
_ " _I'm not scared of him."  
_ " _Sounds like you are."  
_ " _Well I'm not!"  
_ " _Just talk to him."  
_ " _I will… when I'm ready."  
_ " _I can't believe I am about to type this but he may surprise you."  
_ " _How?"  
_ " _Maybe it's not what it seems."  
_ " _And if it's exactly what it seems?"  
_ " _Then you see what your relationship is really made of."  
_ " _I hope you're right."  
_ " _I know I am."  
_ " _Lunch tomorrow?"  
_ " _Sure! My treat."  
_ " _Night Luke. xo"  
_ " _Night Becs. xo"_

Beca still couldn't sleep after texting with Luke. She continued to lay in bed and alternated between staring at Jesse, who was sleeping peacefully with the gentlest of snores escaping his lips and staring at the ceiling. Finally, around four thirty, she gave up and rolled out of bed. She put on a sports bra, a pair of tiny shorts, socks and running shoes then quietly went into the home gym off the master bedroom, closing the door behind her. The gym was almost foreign to her since she hadn't been in there in weeks. She had no reason to be in there, Jesse was giving her all the cardio she needed and with the additional running around at work kept her fit. She pressed her iPod into the charging dock and stretched as the sound of the music filled the room.

When Beca was finished stretching, she started a brisk walk on the treadmill. It wasn't long before she was running at full speed, her feet hitting the belt in time with the music. Beca continued to think about the photographs that had arrived a few days earlier. When asked, Kimmy told her that a courier with a bike uniform and helmet delivered it and as it hadn't needed signing for, there was no record in the company logs. They had hundreds of deliveries every day and there was going to be no way to decipher which was which. Kimmy said that she placed it on Beca's desk and didn't think about it again because it wasn't her business. For the life of her Beca couldn't figure out who would send them. Shaking her head, she continued to run, and with any luck, she soon get it out of her head as, after all, it was probably a mystery she would never solve.

For the next forty five minutes, Beca moved around the room doing reps on each of the machines. While she didn't push herself as hard as she usually would have done, she had gotten a second wind not long after she finished doing lunges and squats while lifting kettlebells. Loving the fact that she was really working out again, she had an idea. Slipping off her shoes and socks, she walked across the room and searched for the perfect song on her iPod and cranked up the volume.

" _Give it to me, I'm worth it  
Baby, I'm worth it  
Uh huh I'm worth it  
Gimme gimme I'm worth it  
Give it to me, I'm worth it  
Baby, I'm worth it  
Uh huh I'm worth it  
Gimme gimme I'm worth it"_

Beca walked slowly and deliberately across the room to the pole she'd had installed a few months before and though she had missed a few classes, she knew the routine like the back of her hand. Wrapping her fingers around the cool metal, she twirled and spun and just about the time that she was going to drop into a viva slide, she looked up and saw Jesse staring at her.

"Um, hi?"

She winked. Saying nothing, she continued on with her routine.

Jesse folded his arms over his bare chest and leaned on the door frame as he watched Beca with wide eyes. He knew she was a dancer, he knew she worked out but he didn't have the slightest clue that she could pole dance. And from what he'd seen already, she was pretty good at it.

" _It's all on you. It's all on you. It's all on you.  
So what you wanna do  
And if you don't have a clue  
Not a clue  
I'll tell you what to do  
Come harder just because  
I don't like it, like it too soft  
I like it a little rough  
Not too much, but maybe just enough"_

Her back against the pole, her right arm was outstretched over her head grasping the rod, she dropped into a squat before slowly getting back up, sashaying her hips as she went. She was well aware he was watching her every move, but she tried to pretend he wasn't there. Doing a series of pirouettes around the pole, she then did a back wrap and proceeded to climb up the pole like a fireman and finally let herself go into the fallen angel position.

Jesse couldn't stand it any longer and began walking slowly across the room toward Beca. His unbuttoned jeans sat low on his hips in a way that really turned Beca on.

Carefully, she pulled herself up and slid down the pole like a pro. When her feet hit the floor, Jesse was right there and ready to pounce. His hands immediately went to her waist as he pulled her closer, his lips finding her neck.

She gasped at the contact between the two of them. When she attempted to remove her hand from where it was on the above her head, Jesse told her to 'leave it' then took her other hand and placed it on the pole over her head as well.

Jesse kissed her gently as he pulled the belt out from the belt loops on his jeans and wrapped it around her wrists. "You ok?"

"Mmm hmm." She hummed as she looked at him through hooded eyes and watching his every move. She had been tired and worn out from her lack of sleep and hearty workout, but within seconds, Jesse had her senses alive again.

Jesse knelt down in front of her, pulling her shorts and panties down her legs as he went. He kissed her warm sweaty skin leaving a fiery trail in his wake. Still kneeling, he lifted her legs and placed them on his shoulders as his mouth descended on her center.

Beca could feel the blood leaving her arms as it rushed elsewhere. Jesse's tongue was magic and he was more than proving that at the moment. They had had sex in many, many different positions before but this was very quickly becoming a new favorite of hers.

Jesse stood up, lifting her up and wrapping her legs around his waist as he did. Shoving his jeans and boxers down his legs in one swift movement he lined himself up and entered her, thrusting hard and fast. Gasping at the onslaught, she met his every thrust with one of her own. They rode the waves together, enjoy each and every minute until they both gave in and finally let go.

Beca milked Jesse for everything that he was worth and then some. She was out of breath and panting heavily as she looked at Jesse and asked, "Please untie my wrists."

Jesse reached up and unbuckled the belt taking her dead weight into his arms as he did. Carefully, he lowered them both to the floor. Beca wrapped her weakened body around Jesse's and tried to concentrate on her breathing, her mind wandering to places she didn't want it to go at that particular moment.

"Can you walk into the bedroom or do you want me to carry you?"

Beca took a deep breath. "Carry me… please?"

"Come on you." Jesse said picking her up.

She nuzzled into his neck when a really disgusting thought came to mind. " _Am I dripping fuck muck all over the place?"_ She really couldn't be worried about it at that point. After working out and then _working out_ she was completely worn out. All she wanted to do was sleep but she needed to tell Jesse what was going on.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee and a muffin from downstairs." Jesse told her, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Do you want anything?" He asked as he laid her on the bed.

"No but… " She started wondering if she was going to lose her nerve if she didn't tell him now.

"But what?"

"We need to talk."

"Ok, let me get coffee first and then-"

"-no, now." Beca said patting the bed next to her. "It can't wait. This is extremely important."


	20. Chapter 19: Grinches and Gingerbread

**A/N: Sorry I'm a day late posting. I hope it's worth waiting an extra day.** **Please don't forget to read & review. I love hearing from all of you.**

 **Corinne (waatp), thank you for your amazing beta skills & for always being so willing to read & reread my chapters until they're perfect. Your constant love & support mean the world to me. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 19**  
 **Grinches and Gingerbread**  
 **o~O~o**

"Wow! Just... wow." Jesse breathed out evenly as he lifted his eyes to meet Beca's. Wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. He blinked a couple of times before locking eyes with her; the truthful reality sunk in quicker than cold butter on a hot baked potato. "Are you sure?"

"I haven't been to the doctor yet but I'm pretty sure." Beca said, nodding gently to confirm her own suspicions.

"So, I'm really gonna be a dad?" Jesse asked, his eyes brimming with unspent tears.

"Yeah." Beca replied, unable to get a clear read on Jesse's emotions.

"Beca...?"

"What?"

"I'm gonna be a dad!" Jesse said, his voice rising steadily as the news began to sink in. He reached for Beca's hand and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her tightly towards him.

Beca watched his reaction carefully as she broke the news that just a couple of days before, she'd taken a home pregnancy test. Ok so… she actually took more than one but every one had two pink lines, so in reality it didn't matter how many tests she had taken because the results were the same. Jesse's reaction had genuinely taken her by surprise. She had run through a couple of scenarios of the way it could go when she told him ranging from completely denying responsibility and even questioning whether he was, indeed, the father of her unborn child or Jesse not saying anything at all and getting up and walking out on her. The thought of him being ok, let alone him being ecstatically happy about it hadn't entered into her mind at all.

She'd been in such a rush that day that she'd jammed the test back into her make up bag and thrown it into her desk drawer, rushing out to a team meeting. When her appointments were over and she was back in her office, she'd knocked a pile of paperwork to the floor and only remembered the test when she'd seen it after stuffing the knocked over files back in her drawer.

She couldn't tell Jesse that he wasn't the first to know about the baby, he would be devastated. She had called Luke, not to tell him about the baby, but to find out whether he could help her figure out where the package containing the photographs of Jesse had come from. While he was there, Luke had inadvertently seen the pregnancy test in her drawer and had persuaded her to tell Jesse, reminding her that he had a right to know. What Luke and Jesse didn't know was that she had taken three more tests that night when she got home.

"I promise I'll do everything it takes to be there for you and this little one." Jesse said, sinking to his knees and putting his face as close to Beca's tummy as he could. "Helllloooo little one, this is your Daddy! Can you hear me?"

Beca couldn't help but giggle over the ridiculous behavior and she felt a burden being lifted from her shoulders.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Jesse asked.

"That's something I can't tell you." Beca said. "It's still way too early for that."

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I got carried away..." He said, looking a bit deflated. "When is he or she due to be here? I mean, how long do they bake in there... I mean, is it soon or..."

"I'm not entirely sure. I need to make an appointment with my doctor." Beca said. "I think it happened within a few days of you being home from rehab. Maybe the first day, seeing as that was one of the only times we weren't careful."

"Hmmm..." Jesse said, moistening his lips for a moment. "What a homecoming."

"Indeed it was."

"Are you ok with the news?" Jesse asked.

"I'm shocked but at the same time, I'm not." Beca said honestly. "I mean, all sense went out of the window when you came home and we... you know."

"True that!" Jesse said and then a look of horror flashed on his face. "Wait! What we just did? That couldn't hurt the baby, could it?"

"I think it's doing pretty good in there." Beca laughed as she patted her perfectly flat tummy.

"Is there anything else you need to tell me?" Jesse joked. "I'm not sure I can take any more surprises but... whoa wait, what's that face for?"

"No face." Beca said, desperately trying to school her features.

"What's up?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I know it's nothing."

"Bec… come on. What's wrong?"

"It's just..."

"Hey, you can talk to me, you know." Jesse told her as he reached over and gently turned her face upward so he could see her eyes. "You can say anything you want to."

Beca sighed. She hadn't intended to turn the morning into a complete air and share. "It's just... I was sent some candid photos of you in the mail. You're pretty much naked in the shots or at least that's how the pictures-"

"-Oh geez; I wondered what happened to them."

"You know about them?"

"Of course I do. I met up with some guys who offered to take some headshots for my music portfolio in exchange for a couple of pictures with another one of their clients. I knew something wasn't right when they asked me to meet me at a burger joint on the beach, of all places but I didn't have money for an official photographer and I thought it was a cheap way of doing it. I knew if I'd asked you, you would have spotted me the cash for it but that just made me feel even worse. I was promised some modeling work in exchange for my time. I jumped at the opportunity to do it and completely forgot to mention it to you later on. I didn't mean anything by that, I just simply forgot. And, like I said, I didn't tell you before I went because I didn't want to have to ask you for a couple of hundred bucks and you feel awkward about me asking."

"Of course I would hav-"

Jesse put his hand up. "-I needed to try and make it on my own. The band needed me to take charge but I had no means of getting our names out there. I got the photos done and thought no more of it. I was ignorant and it was only when I had time to think, when I was alone for all that time on the road and replaying my life before I fucked up that it occurred to me that I never saw the proofs and then it hit me like a shit ton of bricks that I'd been played. I'd been asked to pose with a female model and yeah, was told to remove my clothes as it made photoshopping and airbrushing _her_ easier. I never even questioned it. I'd called the company a couple of times to see where the negatives where but I never heard back from them. Then you said you were going to Oahu and then..."

"Yeah, I know how the rest of _that_ story goes."

"Who sent you the photos?" Jesse asked.

"That's just it. I don't know. They were sent anonymously."

"You didn't think I was... wait, you thought they were candid? And proof I was having an affair or something? No! No, you didn't, right? No-"

"-Yeah, I did." Beca said honestly. "I've been stewing about it for a few days."

"Baby, why didn't you just _ask_ me?"

"I was scared of the reason. I found out about the baby on the same day. It was just all too much."

"I swear that's what happened. I have nothing to hide from you. I promise. I promised in Couples Therapy I would be honest with you about everything, even if the truth was hurtful."

"Your word is good enough for me."

"I can't quite believe the morning has turned out like this."

"I know, right?"

"Is it weird that I'm happy about the baby yet I'm not nervous at all." He said rubbing her still very flat, very firm tummy.

"Hold that thought buddy!" Beca said.

"Why?"

"You're the one who has to tell my dad!"

"Oh shit."

 **o~O~o**

The following week Beca and Jesse found themselves sitting in the warm, well appointed and welcoming waiting room at Dr. Kaiser's office. Dr. Beverly Kaiser had been Beca's gynecologist since she was sixteen and, while clinical at times, Beca appreciated her honest and direct approach. She had been the one that, with Anne's permission, had preached to Beca about abstinence, safe sex, the different types of contraception and the importance of being married or at the very least having a steady partner before having babies. As a result, Beca was dreading the moment when she had to tell Dr. Kaiser that she was pregnant… or that she thought she was pregnant. She'd made a promise to herself long ago that she wouldn't get pregnant until she was married but things change and life had a way of throwing curve balls when it was least expected. Not having been in a many long term relationships, she wasn't exactly sure she how she felt about getting married and she had no idea how Jesse would react to the suggestion. Perhaps being with Jesse was as close as she would get to marriage.

And she was ok with that.

If Beca's calculations over the last few days were correct, she was about seven or eight weeks along and she had been suddenly become sicker than she ever expected to be. The last week had been absolutely horrendous but according to everything she had read on WebMD, morning sickness was usually indicative of a healthy pregnancy.

After being called through to the back and going over all the routine stuff including a kind but stern reprimand for missing her last pap smear, Beca and Jesse were asked to wait in an exam room and told that the doctor would be in shortly. Beca was handed a cup to pee in which Jesse mocked her with until she told him he had to be the one to carry it out to the front desk for testing. She made sure filled it as much as possible to teach him a lesson for laughing at her. He returned after a couple of minutes and sat quietly for a short time before he started looking around the room. As they sat and waited for what seemed like forever, Jesse found himself getting fussed at for digging in all the cabinets and drawers.

"What the fuck is this piece of torturous equipment used for?" He hissed as he held up a pair of metal forceps.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"It's as long as your leg." Jesse said, moving quickly to Beca's side and measuring it against her thigh.

"And that's why you don't want to know." Beca smirked. "Now, put it back or we'll get in trouble."

"Surely they don't treat dinosaurs in here as well." Jesse said, throwing down the forceps. "No wonder-"

"-Good morning! And how are you today? I see you are missed your last appointment." Dr. Kaiser said as she and her midwife, Jennifer, entered the room. Looking up from the chart in her hand Dr. Kaiser noticed Jesse in the room. "Oh, I'm sorry Beca, I didn't realize you brought someone with you."

Beca smiled at Dr. Kaiser's obvious embarrassment. "Dr. Kaiser this is my boyfriend, Jesse Swanson. Jesse, this is Dr. Beverly Kaiser."

After trading pleasantries, Dr. Kaiser sat on the rolling stool and proceeded to move the appointment along. "What brings you in today Beca?"

"Umm…" Beca suddenly found her fingers very interesting and she felt her cheeks redden. "I've missed my last two periods and I took a home pregnancy test about a week ago that came back positive."

Dr. Kaiser grinned. She knew Beca was uncomfortable, especially after all of the conversations they'd had in the past. "I see…" Opening Beca's chart she smiled again. "Well, you are definitely pregnant. Congratulations! Any morning sickness?"

Beca nodded. "More like all day sickness, it's horrendous but I just started getting sick about two weeks ago so I guess I should could my blessings, right?"

"That's fine. Morning sickness isn't necessarily a bad thing and… hits people at different times and in different ways. Is it manageable or do I need to give you something for nausea?"

"When a wave of nausea hits, it's pretty bad but no, I wouldn't say it's unmanageable. Almost inconvenient but nothing to complain about"

"Ok… that's good. Have you noticed anything else?"

"I can't eat pancakes with maple syrup… the baby seems to hate it!" Beca told her.

"That's probably because pancakes and maple syrup are pretty heavy on the tummy."

"When does the morning sickness stop?"

"Well… each woman is different but honestly, there is no clear answer to this question. It usually starts to get better between 14 weeks and 16 weeks. It may not stop completely though and you may experience varying levels of nausea until about 20 weeks."

"Well… at least there's some light at the end of the tunnel." Beca said as she smiled, casting her eyes towards Jesse who automatically and instinctively rubbed the small of her back.

"So… would you two like to hear your baby's heartbeat?" Dr. Kaiser asked as she turned to Jennifer and gave her a small nod. The midwife reached over and handed the doctor a small doppler.

Looking at each other, Beca and Jesse both nodded. "Yes, please." Beca finally said as she laid back on the exam room table and Jesse stood up to make some space. She raised her top so that Dr. Kaiser could place the doppler on her tummy and they waited.

Jesse took Beca's hand in his own and kissed her knuckles. Beca was surprised that his hands were trembling and was about to speak when the doctor stopped still.

"There it is." Dr. Kaiser announced when she found the heartbeat. She held it in place so they could all hear the sound. "Sounds good… healthy." She said as she removed the doppler.

Beca couldn't wipe the smile from her face. "It sounds like galloping horses."

"It does." Jesse agreed and Beca noticed his hands had stopped shaking and his fingers began to warm up again.

"Many people have said a baby's heartbeat sounds like a washing machine but I've always preferred galloping horses. It just sounds better." Dr. Kaiser said.

"Horses definitely does sound better." Jesse told them.

Dr. Kaiser wrote a few others things in Beca's chart then looked up. "Now… according to your calculations, the first day of your last period was October 7th which put conception on or about October 20th. Does that sound about right?"

"Yes… but am I wrong?" Beca asked suddenly concerned.

"No, I don't think so, but we're going find out for sure." She told them. "I'm going to do a quick transvaginal ultrasound."

Jesse froze when he saw Dr. Kaiser stretching a condom over the ultrasound probe. Whispering to Beca he asked, "What's she gonna do with that thing? It's huge!"

"Sssh." Beca gulped down a laugh.

Beca and Jesse watched the screen as Dr. Kaiser moved the wand around after checking Beca was comfortable. She pointed out the umbilical cord, the shape of the baby and its beating heart. "Let's see if we can get a heart rate… ahh, right there. You see it?" She asked them.

They both nodded, unable to speak.

"One hundred and fifty seven beats. That's very good, nice and strong. Ok… now we're going to measure from the head to the baby's butt. It's called the crown rump length."

"This is _so_ amazing." Jesse said as he looked at the screen in total awe.

"Aww babe look… it looks like a little peanut." Beca breathed out.

"It does… a peanut with teeny tiny little arms and legs." Jesse joked as he kissed Beca's hand.

"The baby is measuring about one centimeter long."

"Is that good?" Jesse asked.

"Very good… and Beca, it looks like you're right on the money. According to the ultrasound you're about eight weeks five days today and it's looking like your due date is July 13th." Dr. Kaiser told her as Jennifer wrote a few things down in Beca's chart. "So, I want to see you back on or around the 3rd for your next appointment." She said as she printed out a few ultrasound pictures for Beca and Jesse.

"Thank you Dr. Kaiser."

"Any questions?"

Jesse looked at Beca then at Dr. Kaiser. "When do you think we'll get to see the gender of baby… on ultrasound?"

"I usually do one at the 16 week appointment then another somewhere between 24 and 28 weeks and as needed after that." Dr. Kaiser informed them. "Are you hoping to find out?"

Beca and Jesse both smiled. "Yes, we are." Beca admitted. She was, after all her mother's daughter, a complete and total planner. The sooner they knew the gender, the sooner they could go shopping.

"We should be able to see something if the little one cooperates. If he or she doesn't then I can try again at 20 weeks. Sound good?"

"It does… thank you."

Dr. Kaiser closed Beca's chart and stood up. "Here's a prescription for prenatal vitamins. You'll need to take one a day for the remainder of the pregnancy."

"I'll get this filled as soon as we leave here." Beca said as she folded the piece of paper and put it in her purse.

"Well, if that's all I'll see you on the 3rd of January." Dr. Kaiser said turning around before she walked out. "Congratulations again and Merry Christmas."

"Thank you and Merry Christmas to you too."

 **o~O~o**

It had been a little more than two weeks since Beca's visit with Dr. Kaiser and they still hadn't told her parents about the baby. The only other person who knew, apart from the medical staff, was Luke who was keeping a low profile. He'd called with his heartfelt congratulations after Beca had told him they'd been to the doctors and had promised to keep the news to himself. They had planned to tell Anne and Will at the last two Sunday dinners but had chickened out at the last minute deciding that it just wasn't the right time. They knew it couldn't be put off indefinitely, which was exactly why Jesse was pacing the family room and chewing on his thumb at three o'clock in the morning on Christmas Day. Beca had suggested to him a few days earlier that they tell her parents together on Christmas but he just wasn't sure he was ready. He thought that it was going to go spectacularly bad.

He stopped in front of the fireplace and ran his hand along the Christmas stockings. There was one with his name, one with Beca's name and one smaller one for the baby. Sticking out of the top of the baby's stocking was an envelope for Beca's parents. Beca had been on Pinterest looking for cute announcement ideas and the note was what she'd come up with. They were both finding it so hard to believe that next year, the baby's stocking would have his or her name on it and Santa would be making the first of many visits to their house.

Knowing it wouldn't be long before Beca was awake and looking for him, Jesse got a glass of milk and headed back to bed. The next day was going to be the first time he had ever gotten to celebrate Christmas with a real family. The fact of the matter was, he didn't have a _real_ family, even his brothers were only half siblings. He really didn't have anyone who was a full blooded relative… until the baby. That alone made him the happiest man on the planet.

As Jesse crawled back in bed, Beca scooted closer to him. Laying her head on his chest she mumbled, "I missed you." before drifting back off to sleep.

 **o~O~o**

When they woke several hours later, Beca and Jesse spent a couple of hours making love before they exchanged their gifts to each other privately before her family arrived. Beca gave Jesse a Versace watch and Jesse gave Beca a necklace that had the baby's heartbeat engraved on it. He promised to have the baby's name engraved on the opposite side after he or she arrived.

They showered together to save time and Beca laid out their new Christmas clothes. Jesse loved the idea of new clothes for Christmas and asked that they make it their family tradition. Beca nodded her approval as Jesse helped her with her buttons. She was really pleased to see Jesse entering into the spirit of everything and he'd been completely on board with helping prepare the food the night before so that they wouldn't have to do so much work the next day and could enjoy the time with their family and friends. He dusted and vacuumed everything in the family room while Beca took a quick bath and he also set the table, using their best china and silverware. Beca was surprised that it all looked so good and while it wasn't exactly how she imagined her Christmas table to look, she saw the effort that Jesse had taken in doing it and knew her mother would be impressed.

Beca's family, Luke and his family as well as Amy and Bumper arrived around Noon. Amy barrelled through the door clutching a homemade wreath complete with pinecones, a plastic baby Jesus and candy canes. Bumper, looking very uncomfortable in a shirt and tie, handed Beca some freshly cut flowers which brought tears to her eyes; crying over the smallest things being something that she'd picked up in the last week or so. Aubrey and Ben wore matching Christmas sweaters while Luke and Jake brought more bottles of wine than necessary and the smallest of tell tale glances from Luke suggested that he needed the alcohol to get through the day. He kissed Beca on the cheek and held onto her for a moment longer than necessary before briefly shaking Jesse's hand and introducing him to his brother.

Pretty soon the festivities were in full swing, the conversation flowed fluidly and everyone had a drink in their hand as the reminiscing began and the crazy stories started being shared. While the cornbread muffins and croissants were in the oven, everyone exchanged gifts and started the balling up of the wrapping paper for the annual wrapping paper war. Jesse thought it was weird at first but started to embrace it when he thought that this must be what _real_ families across America did on Christmas Day.

What Jesse and Beca hadn't planned on was everyone being oblivious to the clue on the mantle to announce that Beca was pregnant. Not one of them seemed to notice that there were not two but three Christmas stockings hung by the chimney with care.

As Beca tossed the dinner salad, made of baby spinach, baby shrimp, cherry tomatoes, sugar snap peas, baby corn, baby carrots and baby cucumbers she wondered if anyone would pick up on her themed dinner. Nervously, she set the table, placing the barbeque baby back ribs, new potatoes, the salad and a tray of mini cornbread muffins and croissants in the center of the table.

"Beca!" Amy called as she walked into the dining room. "Is dinner almost ready?"

"Just about."

"Good, because I'm so hungry I could stick my hand up a hog's ass and pull out a ham sandwich."

"Amy… you're _so_ gross."

"Barbeque on Christmas?" Amy questioned as she looked at everything on the table.

"Yeah… I thought it would be a nice change." Beca winked.

"Cool." Amy nodded. "Wait! Why won't you eat _my_ barbeque?"

Beca giggled. "Because you're Australian."

"So, you won't eat my barbeque because I'm Australian but you'll eat an egg that comes out of a chicken's ass!"

"When your barbeque doesn't look like something that came out of a chicken's ass then I'll try it."

"Fair enough."

"Can you let everyone know that it's time to eat?"

"Sure thing boss!" Amy said as she turned around. "TIME TO EAT! COME AND GET IT!"

"Son of a bitch!" Beca said as she covered her ears and winced. "I could have done that!"

 **o~O~o**

Jesse and Beca both thought that once everyone sat down and took in the non-traditional Christmas feast in front of them that someone was sure to guess they were expecting, or at least pass a comment on the 'baby' themed foods. Apparently, everyone was too hungry to notice the theme that Beca had put so much love and thought into. Since plans A and B failed miserably, they had to go with plan C which was dessert and if they had to go to plan D, which was the last plan they had, Beca realized her family was even more dense than she thought. Who actually came up with four separate plans to reveal a pregnancy?

"Beca… honey, dinner was fabulous!" William told her as she started to put the leftovers away in the fridge. "Great job. You may have just started a new family tradition."

"Thanks Dad. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I did… what's for dessert?"

"Well, I made that homemade key lime pie that you like so much and Granny Mitchell's famous apple pie as well as some petit fours and other little bite size treats."

William kissed Beca on the forehead. "You've outdone yourself kid. You may be hosting every holiday after this."

"And I'm totally ok with that." Beca said as she hugged her dad. "You don't have to stay in here with me, you know? Go watch the game with the guys and Amy."

"You sure?"

"Well, it's either that or sitting on the morning porch and drinking proper English tea with Mom, Aunt Gail, Aubrey and Mrs. Claire."

Claire, Luke's mom, had ' _a cuppa'_ and biscuits several times a day. She even carried her own tea bags in her purse, in the event she wasn't home at tea time. She had even been known to bring her own teapot because ' _American teapots ruin English tea'._ One afternoon during tea time, Beca snapped a picture of Claire's teapot. She spent a good deal of time the following week searching far and wide for an identical teapot so that she could have one at her house for Luke and Claire to use.

"TOUCHDOWN!" The guys yelled from the family room.

"Dad… you're missing the game. Go."

"Ok, ok…"

Jesse was walking into the kitchen to check on Beca when he passed her dad as he walked through the dining room. William actually gave him a pat on the shoulder as he passed. It was kinda nice but Jesse knew it would be short lived. He worried that after Beca's parents figured out their news, he wouldn't make through the rest of the day and gulped down his remorse at never finding out if Will had a gun licence.

"Hey babe… need some help?" He asked as he wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"Yes, please tell me that my family hasn't been totally oblivious all day."

Jesse chuckled. "I wish I could. I honestly thought they would have gotten it by now."

"What are we going to do if they don't?" Beca asked, spinning around to face him.

"Well, we've got two more things we can do… after that, there's nothing left but to just come out and say it."

"Perhaps we shouldn't have tried to make this into a game and we should have just called with the happy news." Beca said, picking up the dessert trays and holding them out to him. "Here, take this in the family room and see if anyone needs a refill on drinks."

"Got it." Jesse said, taking the tray of desserts from Beca. He turned, carefully carrying through the key lime pie that he'd been desperate to try as soon as Beca had made it.

"And Jesse?"

"Yeah."

"You're doing great."

 **o~O~o**

William looked at Jesse, taking his glasses off and putting them in the pocket of his shirt. "Jesse… can I see you outside?"

Jesse had the decency to look scared shitless and he should have been. They had just told Beca's family and friends that they were expecting a baby and while their reactions weren't as bad as they thought, it wasn't great either. If Anne could have, she would have made Jesse drop dead with her glare alone. Amy, predictably, had been overly excited about the prospect of becoming an Aunt and while her comment regarding Beca having ' _stopped blowing Jesse's didgeridoo long enough to sit on it instead'_ had gone undetected, her passing remark to Anne that she was about to be a Granny and would need to add a blue rinse to her Judge's wig had soured Anne's expression.

After a suitably long sigh in her daughters' friends' direction, Amy had muttered 'Judgey Bitch' under her breath but only Beca and Bumper had heard it. Seeing Will stand and stare at Jesse while waiting for him to move, Beca felt Jesse stiffen in fear.

Beca cupped his face in her hands and kissed him gently. "His bark is bigger than his bite." She whispered.

Jesse cleared his throat. "Yes sir… after you." He said motioning toward the door before following William out to the morning porch.

The door was hardly closed good when William rounded on him. As much as he wanted to yell and scream at Jesse, William kept his emotions in check as he paced along the patio by the pool. "What were you two thinking? You're hardly out of rehab and she works more hours than the President. You work in a mailroom downtown making a little more than minimum wage and I know Beca has been bank rolling you for months. Did you do this to get money out of her? Did you plan this? How are you going to take care of Beca _and_ a baby?"

"Mr. Mitchell, I am in no way saying that this is an ideal situation and it certainly won't be easy but Beca and I are very happy about this baby."

"Or are you happy because you've finally succeeded in trapping my daughter?"

Jesse was only slightly taken aback by William's accusation. He knew Beca's parents weren't going to be happy about the baby… at least not at first. He hoped that with time, they would come around and be just excited as they were. While he knew they were young, they weren't teenagers and were fully prepared for the responsibilities that were about to come their way.

"If I have to take on a second job then I will." Jesse said, standing up straight and puffing out his chest. "My band has been practicing and we'll be scheduling gigs soon."

"A second job and some gigs… that's great!" Will said sarcastically. " So, basically that means Beca will be alone with the baby all the time."

"I admit… it's going to rough, I get that but I really do think Beca and I can make it work. Plenty of people have less than we do and raise children with next to nothing and most of the time, those kids turn out fine. This baby will want for nothing and I know we will make it work."

"Don't you mean, _Beca_ can make it work?"

"No, I don't. I meant we."

William scoffed and looked angrily up to the sky.

"A baby is a big responsibility Jesse. It's not all fun and games and buying things they need. It's being there twenty four hours a day, teaching them right from wrong and above all, it's loving that child unconditionally for the rest of your life. It doesn't ever stop. I love Beca with everything I have and I'll do everything in my power to see her happy. What I won't stand for is her being taken for a ride."

Without even thinking, Jesse blurted "Mr. Mitchell, I want to marry Beca."

William chuckled.

Asking for Beca's hand was something Jesse had been intending to ask William all day but had never really gotten the chance to until that very moment and to be quite frank, it didn't come out like he wanted it to. Jesse begin pacing, matching Dr Mitchell's attempts to keep moving and keep his temper under complete control. "Mr. Mitchell, I love Beca. I've never loved anyone the way I love her and I've never wanted to be with anyone the way I want to be with her. In the short time I've known her, she's shown me what love is, she's shown me what a real family is. Those are two things I've longed for my entire life. I grew up with nothing, on the wrong side of town and yeah, I made some mistakes to survive. I pretty much raised my three younger brothers until I realized they needed more than I could provide for them. As their brother, I knew what was good and bad for them. I now have the opportunity to right all my past wrongs and raise this baby in the correct way, with an abundance of love and support. While I may not be able to provide everything myself, I will make up for that with time and dedication. Much like I will do for Beca. I know we're doing this all wrong in your eyes but please, give us the opportunity to make it right."

"You've said it yourself though, you are a bad egg and-" William began before Jesse put his hand up to stop him.

"-I won't listen to you say that I am not good enough. I know my faults, my limitations and my failures and I don't need to be reminded of my _past._ I've made mistakes and I've paid the price for them. I cannot change the past but I _am_ prepared for the future. I want Beca as my wife. I want her happiness as my top priority right now which is why I will ask her to marry me, with or without your blessing... sir."

William had to admit, he was impressed with Jesse's little speech but that didn't make up for what he had done to Beca since this entire sordid affair started. Things were different now, Beca was pregnant and obviously, Jesse wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

"Ok, ok. You have my blessing, although Anne maybe a little harder to convince but leave her to me." William chuckled, reaching out his hand to shake Jesse's. "But I'm going to be watching you. One foot out of place and..."

"I get it. Thank you."

 **o~O~o**

"Rebeca… upstairs… now." Anne told her daughter as soon as William and Jesse had left the room.

Beca knew her parents were pulling the divide and conquer technique; it was definitely a tried and true Mitchell method. They were going to try to wear them both down in an attempt to see things their way. While Beca didn't know how Jesse would fare with her dad, she knew for a fact that she wasn't going to back down from her mom.

"Beca… honey, what were you thinking?" Anne asked, attempting the softly softly approach as she rubbed her forehead. She sat down heavily on the small armchair in Beca's bedroom.

"Well… clearly we weren't." Beca said, rolling her eyes. This reminded her of the time she was fussed at for skipping school one morning with Luke. They decided they didn't want to go to school and ended up at the mall when they were spotted.

"What do you mean?"

"Believe it or not Mom, this baby was not planned. We're just as surprised as all of you."

"Surprised doesn't quite cover it Rebeca."

"Yeah, well, you don't like it when I swear, especially when we have company."

"Do you want to know what my biggest concern is for you right now?"

Beca rolled her eyes again but conceded to look at her mother while she talked. "Sure, it's not like I have a choice."

"This is no longer a clean break. You will be forever tied to Jesse. What happens when you two split up? Are you ready to share custody? Bounce the baby back and forth every other weekend and on holidays?"

Beca shook her head, not quite prepared to take it all in. "Mom, what makes you so sure we're going to break up?"

"It's happened once, it _will_ happen again."

"Why? Because we've known each other less than a year?"

"For starters… yes."

"What else?"

"Beca, he has a _past_."

"And? None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes."

"And you're calling this situation you're in now a mistake?"

"Yes, no, I don't know. Stop putting words into my mouth and confusing what you are really trying to say. Although unplanned, we couldn't be happier with this situation we are in. Sure, it's sped things up a little but we can't do anything to change the fact that in a few months, we are going to be adding to our family. I just wish you could accept that Jesse isn't going anywhere."

"Beca, you hardly know him."

"Mom… you met Dad and got engaged three months later. Three months after that you were married and here you are almost thirty years later, still together _and_ happily married. Don't you think you're being a bit of a hypocrite right now?"

"No, I don't. Daddy has never hurt me like Jesse has hurt you."

"Mom, Jesse and I are deliriously happy about this baby. I wish you and Dad could be happy for us too."

"Beca, since before you were born I knew you were special. I knew from very early on that you were going to be stubborn, hard headed and extremely independent but those were just a few of the things that made me fall in love with you. You are my life, my heart, my miracle and I've always wanted the very best for you… always, no matter what. I understand that you and Jesse have known for a few weeks and have had the chance to talk about things and begin to adapt but Beca, it's going to take me some time to come to terms with this pregnancy."

"I get it Mom. It took me several days to come to terms with it and then finally tell Jesse. I would much rather have been married before getting pregnant but that's not the way things worked out. So we are making the best out of everything and I really want you and Daddy involved."

"Well of course we will be, every step of the way. Although I do draw the line at running a blue rinse through my Judge's wig. And I won't be called Granny; I'm not _that_ old!"

"Careful Mom, it sounds like you are coming round to the idea."

"Like you said, there's little I can do to change the situation. And when your Dad and I have had a chance to talk about it, I am sure we will both be very excited to become grandparents."

"Will you spend some time with Jesse? Get to know him?" Beca asked and watched her mother bristle. ' _Ah, too soon to suggest that!'_ She thought.

"When will Mitchell Junior be here?" Anne asked.

"The middle of July."

"So you'll be 25 by then."

"Yes, why?" Beca asked twisting her mouth a little. She'd been wondering if her age was a problem with her Mom.

"I'm just struggling with the fact that my little girl is going to have a baby of her own."

"Yeah, but I _am_ going to be 25. I'm not that young."

Anne sat quietly for a minute or two, gently fingering the edge of one of Beca's throw pillows. Beca left her to her thoughts as this conversation had gone better than she had expected it too. She was eternally grateful that her mother hadn't asked her why they hadn't used contraception or taking better precautions.

"Have you been to see Dr. Kaiser?" Anne asked.

"Yes, everything is fine. We heard the heartbeat."

"We?"

"Yes, Jesse came as well."

"What about Luke?"

"No, he didn't come." Beca chuckled, knowing full well that wasn't what her mother was asking.

"That's not what I meant."

"What about him?" Beca asked.

"Have you considered a relationship with him?"

"Mom! He's my best friend and-"

"-the best relationships are built on a strong foundation, a secure friendship, complete and utter trust and you have that with Luke. You've _always_ had that with Luke."

"Mom… stop-"

"-No, Beca.. I won't stop. I see the way that boy looks at you. I've seen it since you were both very young. He loves you. Can't you see that?" Anne pleaded.

"Mom, I love Luke… I really and truly do but we haven't acted on our feelings because our friendship comes first. I'd rather have Luke as my best friend for the rest of my fucking life than not have him in my life at all."

"Rebeca!"

"Sorry, not sorry." Beca breathed out heavily and ran her fingers through her hair. "But Luke is the brother I never had and the friend I've always wanted. I'm not going to throw that away. I can't bear to lose him."

"That's selfish."

"You're right… it is, but I'd be lost without Luke."

"And he's lost without you. This relationship with Jesse may kill your lifelong friendship with Luke. Is that what you want? Are you prepared to lose him to keep Jesse?" Anne asked. "Every single time something has happened between you and Jesse, Luke has shown up at the house to express his concern for you. Half the time I think he worries about you more than Dad and I do."

"And I have absolutely no doubt that he does and will continue to do so until we are old and grey, wearing matching piss soaked tracksuits in our adjoining rooms at the old people's home. But Mom, rest assured… Luke's not going anywhere and neither am I. We knew things would change as we entered our twenties but I promise you, we're as solid as the day is long."

"He didn't look shocked when the news broke about the baby."

"He's known for a few weeks."

"Oh. You told Luke after you told Jesse?"

"No, I told Luke first. Or rather, he found out."

"Luke knew first?"

"Yes."

"And what did he have to say about it all."

"He was the one who persuaded me to talk to Jesse sooner rather than later."

Anne sighed. "He's always had your best interests at heart."

"Yes, I agree, he has. And I have his." Beca said confidentially. "That's not going to change. Besides, if Jesse and I have a bad day, I've got Luke. Imagine if it was Luke and I having a bad day... I'd have to turn to Amy."

"Heaven help us!" Anne laughed, her expression softening. "Come on, you've just reminded me that we've left Amy downstairs with the desserts and without supervision. God only knows what she's up to."

 **o~O~o**

"To be fair, that went better than I thought it would." Jesse admitted as he and Beca made coffee in the kitchen. While the good mood of the day hadn't changed, there was a thickness in the air and Beca had suggested coffee and Christmas cookies and some board games to get the subject away from them for a while.

"It did. Although, please be on your best behavior for a few more days. The mothership still has a few issues. Did you get through talking with my dad?"

"Yep. And similar to you and your Mom, he's not overly enthusiastic about it but I said I was in this for the long haul and would take my responsibility with the baby seriously."

"You were outside for ages. What else were you talking about?"

"Oh nothing. Nothing at all. I'm just glad I got through it with my balls intact."

Beca giggled and began to pour the hot water into the cafetière. "Can you grab the small plates with the gold trim on and take them into the family room for the cookies please?"

"Sure." Jesse replied, following through with his instructions. He sought out the plates and carried them into the family room. Beca began to hum the tune she'd had stuck in her head for a few days and was completely unaware she wasn't alone.

"-Hey, mind if I interrupt a second?"

Beca spun around and watched as Luke slowly walked into the kitchen.

"Sure. What's up?" Beca asked, reaching for the tea towel to wipe her hands.

"Are we ok?"

"We?"

"Yeah feisty mouse, you and me?" Luke asked. "I know I've been a bit distant the past few weeks and I'm sorry for that but I just wanted to check that you and I are-"

"-are being overly British and strange?"

"Yes, that's about the sum of it!"

"God, you are so weird."

"Says the girl who once asked me what currency we use in England and when I said pounds, you called me stupid and asked me what money we had, not the weight of things."

"Oh sure, mock the pregnant girl!" Beca said, throwing the tea towel at Luke who caught it easily and hurled it back at her.

"Congratulations. I'm not sure I said it before."

"You hadn't but thanks. Means a lot to hear it from you. No one else seems-"

"-Give it time. Jesse's history... you know?"

"No, I get it."

Luke walked over to Beca and pulled her into a bear hug. "I always forget how tiny you are."

"You are such an arsehole."

"Yep. That's something I do know."

"To answer your question, _we_ are fine! Just drop me a text once in a while, ok? I miss you." Beca said, remembering her mother's words.

"You got it. Now, tell me, middle of July, right?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm just making sure of my dates. Gotta make sure I'm in the country and one of the first in line for cuddles."

"Luke..."

"I can't quite believe you are having a baby."

"I am. Want to feel?"

"Um, what?"

"My tummy. You might not be able to feel anything but..." Beca said, pulling Luke's hand down to her belly. He placed it gingerly across her stomach and Beca pushed it into herself. "Feel how hard it is?"

"Yeah, but surely that's just 'cuz you had three helping of ribs. You're not infact pregnant at all, you're just a greedy bitch!" Luke laughed out, pulling his hand away.

"Sssh, don't blow my cover!" Beca giggled and they locked eyes for a moment.

"Congratulations." Luke repeated and moved down as if to kiss her on her lips, avoiding her mouth at the last second and kissing her cheek. "I'm really happy for you."

"Oh hey Luke." Jesse said, coming back into the kitchen. Beca snapped her head around quickly and caught the look on Jesse's face and realized he'd seen Luke almost kiss her on the mouth, something they'd been doing since 9th grade.

"Hey Jess." Beca said, trying to act completely normal. "Coffee's almost done."

"Cool. Amy needs decaf, she's coming off of a pretty intense sugar high." He said, his voice slightly flat.

"Well, three helpings of dessert will do that to anyone." Beca said.

"Are you coming in there?" Jesse asked and Beca nodded. "Are you having a good day Luke?"

"Yes, thank you Jesse. Your hospitality has been most gracious." Luke said in his best English accent. He nodded politely at Jesse who smiled back and dug his hands into jeans pockets, looking slightly less uncomfortable.

"I'll leave you both to it." Jesse said, sensing Luke's need to speak to Beca privately.

"No, stay." Luke said before swallowing hard. "Please."

Beca raised an eyebrow. This was the first time Luke had voluntarily spoken to Jesse.

"You ok?" She asked.

"Yeah, I just realized that I... I never said my congratulations to Jesse either." Luke reached his hand to Jesse who pulled his own out of his pocket. At the last second, Luke changed his mind and clapped Jesse on the shoulder instead, leaving his fingers there for a moment or two.

"Thanks. We're pretty excited about it all."

"I bet." Luke said pleasantly.

"We... um... actually had something we, um, wanted to ask you." Jesse said, looking over at Beca who nodded.

"Oh yes?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, um, I mean yes. We were hoping you'd be our baby's Godfather. I mean, if you'd like to."

Luke spun around to look at Beca who smirked back at him and raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?" He asked.

"Oh get over yourself!" Beca laughed, aiming the tea towel at him for a second time. "We're only asking you because you'll bring the kid presents!"

"Oh bloody typical!" Luke laughed, looking between them both. "Guys, I'd be honored. This, um, this actually means a lot to me. And I'd love to be involved." He coughed a couple of times.

"Dude, your eyes are leaking." Beca snarked.

"Oh fuck off!" Luke laughed out. "Get me some coffee!" He smiled and nodded to Jesse as he walked back into the family room. He pulled out his phone and quickly scrolled through his contacts before dialing a number. He watched as Beca and Jesse carried the coffee pot and cookies towards the family room and motioned he'd be just a minute. They nodded back. As soon as he was alone, he began to speak.

"I got the sample you asked for. Strand of hair off his shoulder. Yes, I'm sure it's his. I'll get it sent over to you as soon as I can. Then we'll know once and for all if it's him."


	21. Chapter 20: Quests and Questions

**A/N: Hope y'all enjoy this chapter. Please don't forget to read & review.**

 **Corinne... Thank you SO much for not killing me when I ask for one more read through or when I pitch a crazy idea. You're the best. Love you special fin! ;)**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Chapter 20  
Quests and Questions  
o~O~o**

Because Beca and Jesse were officially back together as a couple again, she still wasn't able to offer him a contract or have him on sign on with Warner Records. Truth be told, even if they weren't in a relationship, she still couldn't have signed him because of their past history, despite her essentially being the one that discovered The Riff. If there was one thing she had learned over the past year, it was to never mix business and pleasure. She had already learned that blurring the lines of professionalism and conduct in a workplace was clearly not appropropriate but that didn't stop her from thinking about how much she wanted a repeat performance of their antics in the elevator a few months previously.

Beca could, however, mentor Jesse and his band, who he had recently gotten back in touch with, minus a few bad seeds, in an effort to get them signed by another record company and get their unique sound out there. Unfortunately for them, they were competing against groups of younger guys who had perfected the boy band vibe.

During one of their practice jam sessions in her guest house, Beca explained that while their look, sound and stage presence were amazing all on their own, they needed to choose a genre, a sound and then overhaul their entire image. The guys were all suddenly looking at her like she was speaking a foreign language. She giggled before explaining that while one the band members in sweats, one in a pleather jacket, one in shorts and another in jeans might have worked while they were playing small gigs at pubs and bars, but if they wanted to be taken seriously, they need to try to unify their look.

Beca told them they could still continue to sing covers but in order to get signed to a record deal, specifying a genre would define and solidify who they were as a group and make getting a recording contract happen a lot faster. The guys listened intently as Beca explained it was all about marketing and clearly it was hard to market a band that was singing a cover of ' _Hey Jude'_ , while looking like the band KISS. It was a whole lot easier to sell a band that was polished, even if a little rough around the edges, than one that still didn't know what they hoped to accomplish or achieve.

The band took everything she said to heart and really worked to improve upon everything from their look to their sound. The guys piled into Casey's clunker and headed to The Grove to shop for everything from jeans to jackets. All of them went to the barbers and freshened up their look including Troy who cut off his dreadlocks. Beca was impressed by their dedication and organized, through one of her contacts in the business, for the band to get some photos taken and had Amy design a basic website using a few of the photographs and some sound clips from a few of their more recent gigs.

Beca had been working with Jesse and The Riff since early November, by the beginning of December were ready to record a demo. She had taken them into the studio after hours and after several sessions, their hard work finally paid off. They had something solid that they could be proud of. Beca had sent their newly recorded demo CD out to all of her contacts in the music industry. She persuaded Lilly and Kimmy Jin to head out to all of the promotional gigs they could find within a hundred mile radius armed with CD's, flyers and freebies. The initial response was good, and feeling like things were about to take off for them, Beca sat back to wait for the calls to start rolling in.

She waited…

… and waited.

… and waited.

… but the phone never rang. Well, it _did_ ring but it wasn't anyone inquiring about The Riff's demo CD. It was usually Anne fussing about this and that, whether she was resting enough and enquiring if Jesse was helping more around the house. Beca dutifully listened, her mind elsewhere as clearly her plan hadn't worked. So she took matters into her own hands and started sending out emails directly, making phone calls and scheduling lunch appointments with her contacts and anyone else she could think of.

Beca hated having her back against the wall. She hated calling in favors but she knew in her heart that The Riff was good and they deserved the chance to prove themselves. True, they needed a little polishing but that was what time in the studios was for. Beca called Sam, the owner of Gallagher's Pub & Grill, a sports bar in Long Beach, and asked… no, if she was honest, she had begged, him to let The Riff play. He agreed but but only had one available time slot open, it wasn't the best but it would have to do. Sam knew Beca from previous events and knew she usually could pull in the big crowds so he didn't mind the extra work involved in getting ready. He reminded her that Christmas was only a few days away and suggested waiting until the New Year which Beca told him was not an option. It was going to be tight but it was definitely doable.

Beca pulled out all the stops with the catering, decorations and additional staff. No expense was spared and Sawyer turned a blind eye to the pile of receipts that was accumulating on her desk not knowing if they were business or personal. She hosted the event and suggested that between sets the band mingle among the scouts to help promote themselves. She then spent some time coaching them on how to answer questions appropriately and what not to say. Despite a little reluctance in the beginning and a few resistant phrases from Nate such as ' _I just want to play music, not socialize with suits'_ they all seemed to be getting excited.

On the night of the event, Nate had to admit that Beca's idea worked and the evening was full of compliments which pleased her immensely. She figured if she filled their bellies with amazing cuisine that she could get them to listen to her spiel about The Riff and hopefully get someone, anyone to agree to sign them.

Once again, her plan hadn't worked. She was so tired of hearing that, while they were clearly talented and very passionate about their future, but that they didn't ' _have the right sound'_ or that they ' _weren't what the label was currently looking for'._ Even Red Bull Records, who usually signed anything out there with a pulse said it was going to be hard to find their corner of the market. They weren't a boy band as they were too old, but they weren't strong enough to carry their own lyrics just yet. Even her friend Cynthia Rose turned her down flat saying that The Riff was ' _missing something'_ but that she ' _couldn't quite put a finger on what it was'_ but that she would ' _keep them in mind'_ for opening acts and local gigs.

Beca was devastated and beyond exhausted she'd been as dedicated to this project as any of her others but she hadn't had to struggle this much before. She knew The Riff were talented and had just as much potential to succeed in the business as she'd ever seen but she needed someone to give them a chance.

She slipped out of bed on the Thursday of the second week, ignored the nauseous feelings as she crept down the stairs and took up residence in the kitchen with a mug of warm, soothing English tea. She used to laugh at Luke when he said that ' _a cup of English tea solves everything'_ but recently, she'd come to understand what he meant by that.

She was annoyed with herself for not getting The Riff signed. All of Jesse's hard work… his blood, sweat and tears were literally down the drain and all because they had decided to have a relationship. Beca was so disappointed with herself. If she had just held things together a while longer and been more in control of herself, she could have signed Jesse and The Riff to Warner and then started a relationship afterwards.

As her hand rested on the tiny swell of her belly, she knew that things didn't always work out the way they were meant to but that didn't mean that there was a second, third or fourth back up plan. It was then and there that she decided that she was going to call Cynthia Rose one last time and beg her to give them just one more listen.

After several phone calls, emails and texts throughout the day, Cynthia Rose finally agreed to meet with Beca again the following week. Former college friends, she knew Beca to be a real go getter, some might even say persistent, but she had never known her old school friend to be like this before; there was far more involved than just the usual persistence. Beca was begging and pleading with her to sign The Riff, so much so that Cynthia Rose began to second guess herself, which she never did. She had dismissed The Riff rather quickly, the market for their particular sound was dried up and almost non existent… but was there _really_ was something there?

Beca knew that Cynthia Rose was her last hope to get The Riff signed. If Columbia Records didn't want to sign them then she didn't know what else to do. Throwing her last card into the mix, Beca told Cynthia Rose about the baby and how Jesse was working very hard to support his new family. Despite the slightly underhand way of doing things, Cynthia Rose reluctantly agreed to meet up with Beca for a late lunch, at Warners expense, and she could pitch her case one last time.

On the way to the restaurant, Beca listened to the demo again. She simply couldn't understand what Cynthia Rose was finding fault with. Nothing that Cynthia Rose had told her up to that point was making any sense. It was a solid demo with perfect song selections that showcased and enhanced their sound. She had carefully and personally selected the songs to display the The Riffs talents. They sang in tune, on key and the instrumental parts were riveting. So Beca failed to see what the problem was.

During lunch, Cynthia Rose actually had the nerve and the audacity to look bored and Beca began to nervously fidget with her water glass. Cynthia Rose had been through all of this before and quite frankly, she wasn't sure how many times she had to tell Beca that she just wasn't interested. She was just here because she didn't want to cause Beca any further stress, especially after announcing quietly to Cynthia Rose that she was pregnant. She listened as Beca went on and on, her mouth moving at mach speed and if Cynthia Rose was honest, she wasn't entirely sure Beca had even taken a breath. It was the same song and dance she's heard a million times before _but_ Beca was a friend from college and _had_ done quite a bit for her in the past so she felt she owed it to her to be there.

After Beca had totally run out of things to say and was at risk of repeating herself for a third time, Cynthia Rose finally agreed to listen to Jesse's demo again just so she didn't have to hear Beca's pleas again. She promised Beca that she would get back to her after the new year, which was only a few days away.

Beca just knew it would only be a matter of time before Cynthia Rose was calling and begging to sign Jesse and left the restaurant with a spring in her step. When she didn't hear back that afternoon, she was devastated but she didn't have a lot of time to dwell on it as she had a New Year's Eve bash to get through. She figured she'd start again fresh after the new year.

 **o~O~o**

Beca's house was mass of confusion and chaos on New Year's Eve. Delivery drivers and caterers started showing up in the early afternoon to begin setting up for Beca's annual New Year's Eve bash. Every year the party seemed to grow a little because throughout the year she usually gained new colleagues, friends, business partners and neighbors.

Aubrey managed to convince Beca to extend an invite to Pepper, their pole dancing instructor, to the party. New to the area, she didn't know that many people who weren't clients and after a few months of living in a small beach front cottage, had become quite friendly with Aubrey. Along with Beca, they had gone out for coffee a few times after class and found that Pepper was quite an interesting character; a pole dance instructor by day and an exotic dancer by night. She shared stories of some of her exploits which made the usually prim Aubrey squeal with laughter and Beca found herself drawn into the conversation with ease.

Beca had given Jesse a honey-do list for the day of the party and he was more than happy to do his share. Beca secretly loved watching him refer back to his list, which had been shoved in his pocket, and crossing things off his list as he did them. It gave Beca hope for their future. He'd been kept busy making sure the lawn and garden were just so and helping to set up tables and chairs. Beca enlisted the help of Silvana to clean the day before so that the entire house was pristine. Jesse kept the backyard under control and he'd also washed and waxed both of the cars in the driveway to ring in the new year.

Guests were due to start arriving at eight o'clock and Beca's one request was that everything be ready before five to give them both a chance to rest and clean up before the party began. Beca could hear Jesse and the band setting up outside on the custom glass stage that was set up over the pool. The pool lights were shining through which was such a cool effect. Taking a break for five minutes, as everything seemed to be under control, she leaned up against the door jam with a mug of tea and watched as they spoofed their way through a warm up song. Happy that the equipment was ready, the band left to get changed, promising to be back at seven o'clock.

Jesse saw Beca watching them and gave her a half wave as he tucked some of the cables away, securing them together to keep them neat and out of the way. Beca appreciated his efforts more than she could say and as he walked up towards the house, handed him her mug to share.

"Hey." He said as he drained her cup. "You look tired."

"I'm ok though I might go take a nap for an hour or so. Will do us both some good." Beca said honestly, her hand covering her belly.

"Good idea. I'll shower while you rest and if you have anything else for me to do, I can do it while you get ready. How does that sound?"

"Good!" Beca said, taking his hand. "I do have one job for you now though."

"What's that?"

"Keep me company." Beca said, with a soft smile.

"That's a job I'm happy to do!" Jesse said, pulling on her hand, twirling her around and turning back into the house. He dropped the mug on the kitchen counter as he passed through the kitchen and wrapped his arm around her as they walked up the stairs. Stopping by their bed, he pushed her gently so she sat on the thick comforter and laid her down.

Scooping up her feet, he laid them in his lap and began to massage her toes. She moaned softly as his fingers worked their magic and she felt herself began to relax for the first time in three weeks.

"That feels so good." She said, fighting against the fatigue tugging on her eyelids.

"Yeah?" Jesse asked and she nodded.

He continued to rub her feet, moving further up over her ankles to her calf muscles and stopped at her knees when she sighed heavily. It was then that Jesse noticed that she'd fallen asleep. Instead of heading to shower as he said he would, he rolled her over onto her side and gently laid on the bed next to her, draping his arm over her hip and placing his hand over her tummy. Instinctively he rubbed her soft little bump. Beca twitched and moaned in her sleep and he kissed her cheek before settling his head on the pillow next to hers. Rubbing her belly, he whispered, "I can't wait to meet you little one. I'm going to be the best daddy I can be for you. I already love you so much."

Closing his eyes, he napped for thirty minutes, enjoying Beca's warm body as it curled into his own. When he woke from his snooze, he tried to move without disturbing Beca. He sat on the edge of the bed for a moment and thought back to where he'd been at the same time the year before. He could barely remember where'd he spent the last New Year's Eve but knew he for certain that he was drunk and high. He knew it was because of Beca that his life had been turned around and thanks to the girl currently carrying his unborn baby, he now lived in a gorgeous, safe home where he finally felt part of a family.

"I love you." He whispered as he leaned down to place a delicate kiss on Beca's cheek.

"I... love you... too." Beca mumbled as Jesse stood up.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. Where are you going?"

"To shower."

"Stay."

"I need to get ready. Sleep some more and I'll wake you soon."

"Mmm... 'k."

When Jesse was sure Beca had fallen back to sleep, he entered her closet with purpose. Months earlier, he'd hidden something he knew he might need one day and wanted to keep it safe. Taking a second to remember where'd he'd left it, he dropped to his knees, carefully he pried up the loose floorboard and felt around for the small bag he'd left behind. Storing it for safety had seemed like a good idea at the time and now, with all the stress of the past few weeks, he was extra glad he'd kept it hidden all the time he'd been back. Finding what he had been searching for, he opened the bag and looked at the contents to make sure it was exactly as he'd left it. Grinning to himself, he shoved the bag in his pocket, patted it twice for reassurance that it would get him through the night and replaced the floorboard before heading to the bathroom.

After showering and getting dressed in the new shirt and pants that Beca had gotten him for Christmas, Jesse headed back downstairs to set up the little surprise he had planned for her. It wasn't much, as his paycheck wouldn't allow it but he wanted to add a few little touches to the party. He was almost finished when he heard the back door open. Beca was awake and had come to find him.

"Close your eyes!" He called out.

"Where are you? It's so dark out here."

"Just close 'em."

"Ok!"

"Are they closed?"

"Yeah. And for the record, I feel like a dick... so hurry up!"

Jesse grinned as he plugged the long length of cable into the power outlet. "Ready?" He yelled.

"Yup."

Jesse flipped the switch to turn on his surprise and walked over to where Beca was waiting on the morning porch for him, hands resting lightly on her hips and her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Jess?"

"I'm here." He said as he jumped up onto the porch, standing behind her and wrapping his arms around her. "When you are ready, open your eyes."

He couldn't see when she had, but Jesse knew by the gasp that escaped her lips that she'd seen what he'd done. Three days earlier, he'd gone out and had purchased all of the discounted twinkle lights that he could get his hands on. He'd managed to get over fifty boxes of the tiny white lights and had wrapped them around the trees in the backyard, woven them through the plants and hedges and lined the roof of the guest house, framing it to look like a little gingerbread house. The subtle little twinkles, while not something Beca had planned for the party, looked perfect and Beca was speechless as she took in the sight.

"It's gorgeous. It's perfect." She said, turning to face him. "Thank you Jesse. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure!" He laughed, seeing the look on her face. "I've still got a few wishing lanterns to place around but I'm glad you like it."

"I really do!" She said genuinely. "How did you have time to do all of this?"

"It helps when the lady of the house takes an hour and a half nap!" He laughed loudly.

"Shit, it's that late?" She asked, grabbing at his wrist to check the time.

"Yes ma'am." He kissed the top of her head. "Go get ready, the guys and I will finish up before the first of the guests get here."

"Sounds good to me."

 **o~O~o**

When Jesse walked into their bedroom to see if Beca was ready for the party he stopped dead in his tracks. Beca was wearing a short, blush colored flowy one shoulder dress with silver beaded embellishments and strappy silver Jimmy Choo peep toe heels. Her makeup was on point and her hair, which was in a soft side bun updo, couldn't have been any better if she had gotten it done professionally.

"Wow!" Was all Jesse could manage to get out.

Beca, lost in her own little world, turned around quickly, as she applied hair spray to the top of her head. "You like?" She asked, almost shyly.

"No... I love." Jesse admitted as he put his hands on her hips and started kissing her bare shoulder, moaning softly. "If you don't get downstairs our guests are going to get an earful."

"Yeah, let's not piss my Mom off any more than she is already!" Beca laughed. "She's already prepped and ready to turn your balls into earrings."

 **o~O~o**

By 10pm, the party was finally in full swing with everyone eating, drinking and mingling about the guest house and yard. All the rooms were open and people who hadn't visited with Beca before, took a quick tour of the house and were impressed at how beautiful her house was. Everyone was in good spirits and even Beca's parents managed to keep a civil tongue in their heads when saying hello to Jesse and meeting his band. Beca stressed how hard Jesse had worked to help get the house ready so she could rest and her mother had raised an eyebrow but failed to mention it past that.

Beca stood off the to side for several minutes, taking in the scene. She was pretty sure that this party would go down as one of the best she'd ever had. The yard looked great, the food was amazing and the compliments were plentiful, the band sounded awesome and people were dancing, listening and enjoying them and the best part of the evening was she didn't have any no shows. She even had several guests comment on how good The Riff was and mentioned that they'd like to hire them for their own upcoming parties and events. Lilly and her hipster boyfriend, who she introduced as Terk, joined Beca and said that she had been approached about bookings. Beca commented to her that ' _that had to be a good sign… right?'_ , and Lilly had almost smiled normally before claiming she was going to catch fireflies for a snack.

"Hey..." Luke whispered in Beca's ear and she jumped at the warmth on her cheek. "... great party."

"Cheers." Beca responded with a huge smile. "You having a good time."

"Yeah, sure am. Quite the crowd here Mitchell."

"Free food does that dude!"

"True! But a few new faces." Luke said, looking around the crowd. "Who's the bird by the stage?"

"Which one?"

"The one who's itching to get on stage... the one in the spaghetti strap, midnight blue and ochre dress with the silver shoes."

"Dude, you ain't right. What guy says that about a dress? Most say blue and yellow."

"I'm not most blokes."

"You sure you ain't gay?"

"Wouldn't you love to know?!" Luke laughed. "But no! I've just spent too long surrounded by you and all your girliness... don't roll your eyes! I know you are a secret girly girl! ... Ow! Don't punch me! Tell me who is she?"

"You interested?"

"No, it's not that. Just not seen her before and wondered why she was gazing up at the stage the way she is."

"Her name is Pepper."

"For real?" Luke asked, looking at Beca and waiting for the joke's punchline.

"As far as I know." Beca replied.

"How do you know her?"

"She's a pole dancing instructor. Aubrey and I take her class."

"Oh... wow." Luke gulped hard.

"What?"

"She looks like _that_ and she's got a pretty hot job too. A perfect woman!"

"She seems nice." Beca said.

"She's very pretty."

"Want me to introduce you?"

"No, I'm good right now. Maybe later."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, she seems pretty interested in the band and what they are doing right now, doesn't she? I'm not sure I want to get in the middle of that!"

Beca looked over to the stage area and was pleased to see so many people watching Jesse and the rest of the band while enjoying the party. A few were taking pictures on their phones and some were even pointing fingers at them, animatedly talking about them with their friends. Beca noticed Pepper standing to the side, armed with a tall drink. She was swaying side to side, her athletic and toned body looking fantastic in her dress.

Beca was slightly confused at the look on Pepper's face as she watched the band perform. She hadn't seen anyone that enamoured for a very long time. She inwardly laughed when she realized it was how she must have looked when she saw The Riff for the first time all those months ago.

"Dude, I'm gonna go mingle. Catch up later?" Beca said to Luke, without taking her eyes of Pepper.

"Yeah, go check out what that chick is staring at!" Luke laughed as Beca walked off, not hearing what Luke had said.

Beca made her way through the crowd, stopping every now and then to chat to someone. She passed the drink station and asked for two drinks; one for her, a tall lemonade with plenty of ice and whatever Pepper had ordered before. Collecting the mojito, she continued over to the stage and caught up with Pepper.

"Hey!" She called out, above the noise of the music. Pepper jumped, spilling her drink in the process.

"Hey Beca!" Pepper shouted. "Sorry, I was miles away!"

"No worries. So glad you could come tonight." Beca said, handing her a fresh drink.

"Thanks so much for the invite, and this..." Pepper said, nodding towards the glass in her hand. "This is a great party. I can't believe your place, it really is so beautiful."

"Thanks. I'm pretty in love with it too."

"I saw Aubrey before. Is that her boyfriend, the boy with sweet face?"

"Ben?"

"I think that was his name. He offered to saw me in half."

"Yeah, that's Ben! He does magic. Embrace it, it's okay."

"Good to know!" Pepper said as she wrinkled her nose.

"Are you here with anyone?" Beca asked, not liking the way Pepper was looking at Jesse's crotch the whole time they were talking.

"No, I am Han Solo tonight."

"Huh?"

"Han Solo? Oh, from Star Wars. He's-"

"-Got it. Jesse watches that all the time. He's quite the fan."

"Jesse?"

"Yes, my boyfriend."

"Oh... wait, he... this Jesse?" Pepper said, thumbing towards the band.

"Yep. Jesse Swanson, the lead singer of The Riff is my boyfriend."

"Oh wow! That's pretty cool. He's really talented. And he's very lucky to have scored a lovely lady like you." Pepper said genuinely.

"Thanks!"

"Have you been together long?" Pepper asked.

"'bout a year."

"A year, huh? How do you get any sleep with that fine piece of ass walking around?"

Beca blushed. "Well… umm… Let's just say we're pretty good."

Pepper's eyebrows got lost in her hairline. "Ok, well… anyway, I used to be in a band myself, when I was in High School." Pepper told her in an effort to change the subject. "We we're anything like The Riff but we did win a few local competitions."

"Shame I didn't know you back then." Beca said politely. She'd heard that story a few dozen times and usually meant that the person had no talent at all."

"Right?!" Pepper said, clapping her hands together enthusiastically. "I guess I missed that boat!"

"It's never too late."

"I sing in the car and that's good enough for me." Pepper laughed. "Hey, I'm keeping you from your other guests. If you need to go and circulate, that's okay."

"Yeah, I should. Look, I'll look for you in a bit and introduce you to my best friend."

"Oh, who's she?"

"Um, it's Luke. We've been friends since we were really young."

"Oh. Sorry. But yeah, sure. I'm gonna hang out here for a little while so you'll know where to find me."

"Cool. Catch you later. Have a good time."

"You too and thanks again for the invite." Pepper concluded, turning her back on Beca to carry on watching the band. Beca walked away, looking back at the stage and smiling at Jesse who had been watching her the whole time. He winked and blew her a kiss as he nodded towards Pepper, silently asking who she was. Beca mouthed back ' _pole dancing'_ and Jesse's eyebrows shot to the top of his head. Beca laughed at his expression and went back to mingling in the crowd.

Half an hour passed by before she found Luke again and said she would take him over to Pepper. As they slowly walked through the mass of people, Beca estimating there was over 300 people at her party, she noticed Pepper hadn't left her position by the foot of glass walkway across the pool. She could see Pepper singing along with the song that The Riff was currently, a cover of ACDC's Shook Me All Night Long. Beca watched as Jesse noticed Pepper, swaying softly with her eyes half closed, as she kept up with the words. Without stopping in the middle of his set, Jesse dropped to his knee and beckoned Pepper over. She took the hand that was offered to her and jumped up the stage.

Jesse put his arm around her shoulders and Beca watched as Pepper clung onto Jesse's arm. She reminded Beca of a crazy teenage fan and while Beca trusted Jesse, the green eyed monster was bubbling up inside her. Typically she wasn't the jealous type but with the addition of her pregnancy hormones coursing through her system, there was something about the way that Pepper was looking at Jesse that just didn't sit right with her. She was sure Jesse knew by looking at her that she wasn't really crazy about the way Pepper getting all squiddy and draping herself all over him. She could see that Jesse was trying to shake Pepper off. Short of acting like the crazy pregnant girlfriend and running up to the stage to pull Pepper's hair, there was really nothing she could do about it until after the party. She rubbed her belly in an effort to comfort and calm herself and to remember what Jesse had said to their unborn child that afternoon when he thought she was asleep. There was no way that Jesse wanted anything to do with Pepper.

Beca was about to walk away she spotted Flo watching Pepper's antics. Maybe she wouldn't have much to worry about after all… especially if Flo enlisted Lilly's help. The thought of what those two crazy girls could do if Beca needed to exact revenge on Pepper had her grinning like a fool in seconds.

Beca watched as Jesse pushed Pepper aside and walk to the back of the stage. He collected a spare microphone and turned it on as he handed it to Pepper. Beca was confused as to what was going on and waited for Jesse to make an announcement that the band was taking a break for a few minutes. Thinking Pepper had told Jesse she was an accomplished singer and that she'd take the stage for a moment of two while they enjoyed a break, Beca was very surprised to see Jesse signal to Nate to change songs.

Feeling uneasy about the change in set list, she stepped closer to the stage just as the first bars of Sweet Home Alabama began to sound out around her backyard. Not a song they currently practiced, Beca looked confusedly at Jesse who winked back.

"Ladies and gentleman..." Jesse said into the microphone. "... the band and I would like to thank you for your support tonight. We would also like to thank the host of the party, Miss Beca Mitchell, for allowing us to perform at her annual New Year's Eve bash. It's an honor and a privilege to be here. May I now introduce Pepper Elaeb, who will sing with us for this next song, as a treat because it's her birthday tomorrow." Jesse turned to Pepper. "Stage is yours."

Beca reached the bottom of the stairs just as Pepper opened her mouth to start singing. She winced, unprepared for what was about to happen. Beca had one foot on the step when a sweet voice rang out, causing more than one head to turn towards the stage in surprise.

" _Big wheels keep on turning  
_ _Carry me home to see my kin  
_ _Singing songs about the Southland  
_ _I miss Alabamy once again  
_ _And I think it's a sin, yes"_

Beca stood stock still, listening to Pepper as Jesse picked up the microphone to join her in the next verse. Beca had to admit that she was good and could hold a tune, despite not having had a warm up or sung with The Riff before. She was even more shocked when Jesse's soft lilt picked up the pace and melded his voice easily.

" _Well I heard mister Young sing about her  
_ _Well, I heard ole Neil put her down  
_ _Well, I hope Neil Young will remember  
_ _A Southern man don't need him around anyhow  
_ _Sweet home Alabama  
_ _Where the skies are so blue  
_ _Sweet Home Alabama  
_ _Lord, I'm coming home to you"_

The crowd began to stop what they were doing to listen as the band played song after song while Jesse and Pepper sang. A couple of people came up to Beca and commented that it was an awesome surprise for the evening and Beca graciously said it was spontaneous and all Jesse's idea. She excused herself to go and find her parents to see what they thought, knowing they would have seen Jesse in a different light after the effort he was putting in for the evening. She was just side stepped a large flowerbed full of azaleas, when Cynthia Rose signaled to her from her spot on the morning porch.

She'd been watching the band with a hint of interest all evening and while she had to admit that they were good, she still couldn't see why Beca was so desperate for her to sign them. She had mellowed after a couple of drinks and after listening to the band and that random chick that jumped on stage with them sing Shook Me All Night Long, Sweet Home Alabama and Pearl Necklace they finally had Cynthia Rose's full, undivided attention. She was convinced that the chick singing with them made all the difference. She softened the sound just enough without making the band sound too girly. She wasn't sure exactly who the woman was but she knew she had to find out. This was total perfection. Cynthia Rose continued to listen in awe as The Riff performed Shameless by Garth Brooks. They really were versatile and unique. She sat front and center as Beca watched from afar, talking with her parents, completely and utterly satisfied.

The band took a quick break and Cynthia Rose took the opportunity to make a beeline for Jesse. Waving to Beca who returned the gesture with a face that screamed ' _I told you so'_ , she purposefully strode over to the band members as they entered the kitchen in the main house. If she had had a contract in her car, she would have signed The Riff right then and there but it would have to wait until Monday. For now, she was going to have to make one hell of a pitch considering she turned The Riff down on at least three separate occasions. Cynthia Rose knew that Beca was going to make damn sure that anything she offered the band was worth its weight in gold.

"Jesse… right?"

"Yeah… how did-" Jesse started to ask but realized who she was. "Oh… you're Beca's friend from college. Cynthia Rose… right?"

"That's me. The one and only." She said with a wink.

"You looking for Beca?"

"Nope… I'm looking for you."

"Cool… so, what can I do for you?"

"Well… this is actually more like what _I_ can do for you."

"Oh. Um, ok... I'm listening."

Beca watched the interaction between Jesse and Cynthia Rose. Judging by the looks on their faces a deal was definitely being made… or at least being discussed. Jesse and Cynthia Rose spoke very animatedly and even laughed a bit. Beca was proud of Jesse and the way he was keeping his cool. He kept eye contact and his hands steady as he listened, nodding along and pointing out the other band members and clearly talking about them judging by the way he was ticking things off on his fingers. He had been working hard and deserved this. She prayed that Cynthia Rose wasn't just blowing smoke up his ass.

"Ok… I'll see you Monday." Cynthia Rose told him, offering him her hand.

"What time is best for you?" Jesse said, giving a firm handshake in response.

"Just come by after you get off work."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to have to work late on account of me."

"I'm positive. After what I saw tonight… you're well worth it."

"Thanks." Jesse said. "Look, I hate to cut this short but I have to get back on stage."

"No worries… we'll visit on Monday."

"See you then!"

The band had another thirty minutes to play before Midnight and even though Jesse was pretty sure they had just landed a recording contract, they needed to make it good. They had a quick pow wow to discuss the final set and a few changes Jesse wanted to make.

"Ok guys… this is the last song of the night. Fellas, grab your lady love and get to the dance floor." Jesse announced into the microphone. "Beca… this one is for my love."

" _Sometimes late at night  
I lie awake and watch her sleeping  
She's lost in peaceful dreams  
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark  
And the thought crosses my mind  
If I never wake up in the morning  
Would she ever doubt the way I feel  
About her in my heart _

_If tomorrow never comes  
Will she know how much I loved her  
Did I try in every way to show her every day  
That she's my only one  
And if my time on earth were through  
And she must face the world without me  
Is the love I gave her in the past  
Gonna be enough to last  
If tomorrow never comes _

_'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life  
Who never knew how much I loved them  
Now I live with the regret  
That my true feelings for them never were revealed  
So I made a promise to myself  
To say each day how much she means to me  
And avoid that circumstance  
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel _

_If tomorrow never comes  
Will she know how much I loved her  
Did I try in every way to show her every day  
That she's my only one  
And if my time on earth were through  
And she must face the world without me  
Is the love I gave her in the past  
Gonna be enough to last  
If tomorrow never comes _

_So tell that someone that you love  
Just what you're thinking of  
If tomorrow never comes"_

When the song was over, Jesse put his guitar down and made his way towards Beca. He wanted to be with her at the stroke of Midnight. When he got to her, he wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. "Hey baby… ready to ring in the New Year?"

"I am." She said turning and slipping her arms around his neck. "I love you." Beca whispered as she kissed Jesse and laid her head on his chest.

Jesse wrapped his arms a little tighter around her waist. "I love _you_." He said before kissing the top of her head.

" _... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!"_ Everyone cheered.

All eyes were on Beca and Jesse as they stood off to the side of the crowd, ringing in the new year in their own private little bubble. Sweat had started to bead on Jesse's forehead and he was starting to looking very nervous. Beca looked at him and wondered what was wrong as he gulped and looked like he was about to throw up. Before she could ask if he was ok, he was down on one knee and reaching for her hand. Their guests suddenly got quiet and still as a few elbows were nudged in a few sides for attention. They began to back up a bit to give them some room.

"Will… you didn't say this was happening tonight." Anne said through clenched teeth as she watched Jesse reach into his pocket.

"Told you that he asked for my blessing," Will said, fearing the wrath of his wife, "he didn't tell me when he planned to ask."

"I still can't believe that you gave him your blessing." Anne hissed.

"It was going to happen regardless." Will told her as he kissed her cheek. "Give him a chance, he has changed."

"What the hell is going on here?" Anne's sister Gail asked her as she handed her a fresh glass of wine. "What I miss?"

"Apparently boy wonder over there is asking _my_ pregnant daughter to marry him." Anne announced to Gail.

"Will have you gone and completely lost your mind?" Gail asked Will as she jumped to Anne's defense.

"Oh, you missed the _best_ part… he gave _his_ blessing!" Anne snapped.

"Gail, he's changed. I won't say he's a saint but he is doing much better." Will piped in.

"Doesn't Beca know that she can't stick a bouquet of flowers in an asshole and call it a vase?"

"Apparently not." Anne said crossing her arms over her chest in disgust. She spoke loud enough for a couple of people nearby to hear. Will pulled her to him and hugged her, whispering that everything was going to be ok into her ear.

All eyes were on Jesse as he pulled the bag out of his pocket. Luke stood watching, his hands firmly jammed into his pockets as he willed this not to be happening. Amy was clutching onto Bumper's arm so tightly that he could feel the circulation being cut off and Aubrey stood, open mouthed, looking at her cousin with glee. Jesse tipped the contents of the bag out into his palm and looked directly at Beca, seeing no one else but her.

"Beca… I know we've had a couple of rough patches and we've encountered some pretty rocky roads but I promise to _do_ better, I promise to _be_ better, I promise to make this next year and every year after that better than the one before it. This is all I can offer you but it's with dedication and determination." Opening his palm, Jesse held out a black velvet ring box. As he opened it, he asked Beca a very important question, "Will you marry me?"


	22. Chapter 21: Insecurities and Interviews

**A/N: Thanks Corinne! You're the BEST! xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Chapter 21  
** **o~O~o**

" _Beca… I know we've had a couple of rough patches and we've encountered some pretty rocky roads but I promise to do better, I promise to be better, I promise to make this next year and every year after that better than the one before it. This is all I can offer you but it's with dedication and determination." Opening his palm, Jesse held out a black velvet ring box. As he opened it, he asked Beca a very important question, "Will you marry me?"_

 **o~O~o**

"I know it's not much..." Jesse said, his voice faltering as he held out the diamond engagement ring with a small round diamond to Beca. He wasn't able to read or understand her expression because she wouldn't look at him. He began to question himself and his decision to propose. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe Beca didn't want to get married. Maybe he had misread the entire situation. Maybe she was embarrassed because he'd gotten down on one knee in front of everyone. Maybe she hated the ring, clutched tightly between his thumb and forefinger. The ring, while small in comparison to the ring some other guy could have given her, meant a lot to him and even the jeweler who had cleaned it said it was very pretty and very rare. Jesse was ready to drop his hands, get up and walk away. He felt ashamed as Beca simply wasn't saying a word.

Wiping tears from her face, Beca looked way from Jesse for just a moment to glance at her dad. When her dad gave a slight nod and the smallest of smiles, she knew in that moment that Jesse had, in fact, asked him for his blessing. That small gesture meant everything to her because it meant that he respected her _and_ her dad. She looked at the ring in Jesse's hand and wondered where he had gotten the money to buy it. She could tell it was perfect and she wanted to just reach out and take it from him. She always hoped that one day they would get married but figured it would be after the baby was born and that she'd be the one shopping for the ring, not him. "... It's perfect." She finally whispered.

Jesse winked at her and inwardly sighed with relief as the consolation that he'd done the right thing coursed through his veins. "So... are you gonna leave me kneeling here all night?"

"Oh! No… I mean… yes… I mean… yes, yes, yes I'll marry you!" She said throwing her arms around Jesse's neck and planting a kiss on his lips.

The crowd erupted around them, several whoops and cheers could be heard, ringing out in the night air. Beca heard Amy's signature wolf whistle, knowing that her friend could bring a man to his knees with the piercing sound.

"Way to go!" Amy bellowed, causing Beca to look out into the crowd for the first time. "Now you can bone her officially Jesse!"

"Amy!" Beca yelled back but the noise from the crowd enveloped her protest. She looked over to her parents and saw her dad smiling proudly. She grinned at him and he gave her a thumbs up in response. She blew him a kiss in return. Her Aunt Gail was dabbing at her eyes, using her husband's tie as a handkerchief. Benji stood with his arm wrapped around Aubrey's shoulders and they both looked happy with the news. Beca swept her eyes over to her mother's face.

Anne did not look happy.

 **o~O~o**

The night had been perfect and the party was a complete success. The last guest to leave departed around four and Beca was pleased to see there was no major damage done aside from two broken champagne glasses and a red wine stain on an old tablecloth. Over the course of the evening, she'd heard several of her guests whispering that it was the best party she'd ever hosted which made all the effort of getting everything ready in time worthwhile.

"Did you have a good time?" Beca asked Jesse, as she closed and locked the back door which lead to the backyard. She wasn't worried about the mess outside, knowing that the catering company would be there around noon to collect their equipment and they would also take care of the cleaning up.

"It's been a perfect night. It was so much better than I ever could have imagined." Jesse said. He'd had a great night and was so excited to have made contact with Cynthia Rose and was excited about their meeting the following week to discuss a recording contract. But the best part of the night was the fact that Beca had said yes. She had actually agreed to be his wife. He took her hand in his and looked at the ring on her finger. It meant the world to him that she'd said yes and he'd caught her looking at her hand ever since he'd slipped the antique ring on her finger. "How are you feeling? It's been a really long day!"

"Tired but I'm good." Beca said, turning the lights off as she walked through the family towards the stairs.

"How tired?" Jesse asked as he placed his hands around her waist and pulled her towards him.

"What do you have in mind?" Beca asked, as she tilted her head to one side.

"Well..." Jesse said, leaning down to place butterfly kisses along her shoulder and at the base of her neck. "... I've got a little something up my sleeve."

 **o~O~o**

As Beca and Jesse laid in their post coital bliss, Beca admired her engagement ring. She hadn't seen anything like it before and couldn't take her eyes off of it. It wasn't big or flashy but given the fact that their relationship wasn't like that it couldn't have been more perfect.

Jesse watched as Beca laid on his chest looking at her engagement ring. She was glowing, her face was full of wonder and excitement. "It was my Granny's." He finally told her, kissing the top of her head as he ran his fingers up and down her spine.

"Really?" She asked as she rested her chin on his chest so that she could see his face.

"It's the last thing of hers that I have. The only reason I have it is because she hid it in an old coffee can that she buried in the yard behind the trailer. When she died, I went back hoping that I'd find it before the trailer was bulldozed to the ground. I wasn't going to lose the last piece of her that I could have had. I dug for hours before I finally found it. So, when I moved in with you, I found a loose floorboard in your closet and put it there for safekeeping. I forgot about it when you kicked me out so technically, you've had it all along."

"I didn't… I never-"

"-I know. I never told you about it. I figured I'd give it to you at some point, I just wasn't sure when."

"It's beautiful and I promise I'll take care of it."

"One day I'll have enough money to replace it. I promise to give you something that you really and truly deserve but for now Granny's ring is all I have."

"It means more than anything you could have bought me in a store."

"But it's tiny, the center stone is only a half carat. You deserve something that screams ' _I'm taken'_ when people see you on the street."

"It doesn't have to scream anything."

"But I want it to. I want everyone to know that you're mine."

"I _am_ yours."

"Yeah?"

"Forever."

"And ever?"

"Longer."

 **o~O~o  
** **Three Days Later  
** **o~O~o**

It was early… too early and Jesse couldn't figure out who could be banging on the front door. Jesse kissed Beca's forehead before he untangled himself from her, while silently cussin' whoever was at the door. It was Saturday morning, one of two days that he and Beca, like most other Americans, could sleep late and nine times out of ten, they did just that. Usually they weren't out of bed before Noon on a Saturday, unless Beca was slumped over the toilet, in which case, Jesse was right there next to her holding her hair and rubbing her back.

Jesse sat on the side of the bed and rubbed his face before he glanced at the bedside table… eight o'clock in the fucking morning was just too damn early for a visitor. When the pounding didn't stop, he stood up and stretched before walking over to the chest of drawers for a clean pair of boxers and a shirt. Glancing over, he made sure Beca was ok before walking out of the room and quietly closed the door behind him.

"Alright, alright… I'm coming." Jesse said as he walked sleepily down the stairs and towards the front door. He could see Luke through the glass on the double front doors and tried to recall if Beca had mentioned that Luke would be coming by so early. "Hey Luke." Jesse said opening the front door while yawning and rubbing the back of his neck.

"We need to talk." Luke told him as he pushed his way into the house.

"Please _do_ come in!" Jesse said sarcastically as Luke swept past him. Luke shot down his attitude with a look that said he wasn't there for witty conversation. Jesse blanched. "Ok fine… I'll go wake Beca and send her down."

Luke turned around. "Jesse… I said ' _we'_ as in all the three of us need to sit down and talk."

"Oh… ok. Well, help yourself to coffee or tea or whatever. You know where everything is. I'll go wake Beca and we'll be down in a few minutes."

Jesse couldn't imagine what they needed to sit down and talk about so desperately, unless Luke had decided that now was the time to protest against their engagement. Jesse couldn't quite place the look on Luke's face but he knew about his feelings towards him, and they weren't pretty. If that was the case, this discussion they were about to have would likely be the equivalent of World War II. Luke very rarely spoke to Jesse without Beca's prompting so this was sure to be an interesting morning. He quietly walked up the stairs to their room and gently closed the door behind him. He stood staring at Beca, she was sleeping so peacefully buried under a huge pile of blankets and pillows and he really hated to wake her up.

"Hey baby…" Jesse said sweetly as he sat on the bed and kissed the sweet spot on her neck just below her ear. She grumbled as she opened one eye to look at him before pulling the bedsheet over her head. "Bec… come on babe, wake up."

"Hmm… was that Matt at the door?" She asked, pushing the mountain of bed sheets off of her as she rolled onto her back rubbing her tummy and yawning. "I swear he's always walking over here for milk and eggs."

"No babe, it wasn't Matt."

"Who was it?"

"Luke… he's downstairs."

Beca, now more awake and alert, sat up holding the sheet against her bare chest. "What's he want?"

"All he said was ' _we need to talk'_."

"About what?"

"I'm not sure, but let's not keep him waiting."

The two got ready to go downstairs in relative silence, but both wondered why Luke had come by so early and what the hell he wanted. While not unwelcome, the early start prompted a couple of worry lines to appear on Beca's forehead. Neither of them was able to come up with much of anything that they thought was important enough to warrant such an early and unannounced visit. They were pretty sure that whatever he needed to say could have waited until a more reasonable hour. Or he could have just texted Beca like he usually did.

Beca was moving rather slowly and yawned as she pulled a hoodie over her head. She was not ready to be awake and she certainly wasn't ready to talk.

"Bec… you ready to go downstairs?" Jesse called from the bathroom.

Beca groaned. No she wasn't ready to go downstairs. She wanted to be asleep in her nice, warm bed. "Not quite." She said pulling a pair of leggings on.

"Come on…" Jesse encouraged her. "Knowing Luke, he's pacing at the foot of the stairs, being overly British and muttering about how disappointed the Queen is."

"Go ahead… I'll be down in a minute. I just need to get some socks and do something with my hair."

Jesse kissed the top of her head. "Ok… don't be long."

He made his way downstairs and wouldn't you know, he was right… Luke was pacing the floor near the foot of the stairs. Jesse could swear that Luke said something about a corgi. Maybe he had decided to get a new pet and wanted Beca's opinion… but at eight o'clock in the morning? "If you're not careful, Beca's gonna charge you to replace those floor boards you're wearing out." Jesse told him.

Luke rubbed the back of his neck. "You know her too well, my friend."

"That I do."

"Where is she?" Luke asked as he looked up the staircase.

"I had to wake her. You of all people should know that she's A) not a morning person and B) she's hell to get out of bed without some kind of persuasion."

"Please tell me you didn't persuade her to come down here by having a quickie." Luke muttered, a hint of humor to his tone.

"Dude no!" Jesse said looking mildly disgusted that Luke would think that they would have a quickie while he waiting to speak to them. "She's getting dressed. She'll be right down."

Luke looked relieved as he followed Jesse into the kitchen, pleased that Jesse had walked straight into the trap he set up for him. Jesse still had no idea why Luke was there or what he wanted but the fact that he was following him around like a lost puppy was really making him start to wonder.

"Coffee or tea?" Jesse asked as he filled the teapot and placed it on the stove for Beca's tea.

"Tea please." Luke said as he sat down at the kitchen island. "With milk. Cold milk." He reminded Jesse.

"Got it. Yes, almost forgot that you drink your tea differently."

"Two sugars as well please. And it's not different, just proper English tea." Luke said and upon a raised eyebrow from Jesse, offered an explanation. "It's been a long night."

Jesse noted that Luke looked like absolute shit. If he had to wager a guess, Luke hadn't slept in a few days so whatever he had to speak with them about must have been weighing heavily on his mind.

He took three mugs from the cabinet and placed one under the Keurig machine. Jesse put a tea bag in one for Beca, she could only have certain types of tea now that she was pregnant, and put her mug to the side. Remembering that Luke liked the English blend breakfast tea that Beca had, he put a pod in the brewer and pressed brew.

"Want anything to eat?" Jesse asked Luke as he poured hot water into Beca's mug.

"Whatever you're having is fine."

"Denver omelet and hash browns?"

"Sounds amazing." Luke nodded hopefully, scratching at the stubble on his face. "I'm starved."

Luke watched as Jesse moved around the kitchen with ease. Opening the fridge, Jesse took out the ingredients he would need for their omelets as well as some fresh fruit for Beca to have with her toast and yogurt.

Jesse took several condiment bowls out of the cabinet and placed them on the counter for the chopped ingredients. Moments later, he began slicing an onion and four different colored bell peppers, he liked colorful food. He placed that to the side and began slicing the ham and bacon that Beca had cooked the day before. Scrapping the ham and bacon from the cutting board and into a condiment bowl, Jesse began to finely chopped a couple of potatoes for the hash browns. Luke could tell just from watching that Jesse had learned from Beca how to slice and chop things. He was using the method that Beca had tried to show him so many times.

As Jesse cooked, he thought about the silence between himself and Luke. It was painfully awkward and both men silently wondered how much longer Beca was going to be. Jesse was beginning to wonder if he needed to go up and check on her. He worried that she was either spewing her guts or that she laid down while putting on her socks and had gone back to sleep.

"I'm just gonna go up and check on Beca. Be right back." Jesse said, wiping his hands on a dish towel as he walked out of the kitchen toward the staircase. Just as he was about to head upstairs, he noticed Beca coming down and walked up to meet her. Noting that she looked a little green in the gills he asked, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just got sick. I had to wash my face and brush my teeth again."

"I'm sorry." He said hugging her. "I would have come up if I had known."

"I know… it's ok." Beca said, grabbing Jesse's face and planting a kiss on his lips.

Jesse grabbed Beca's hand and together they walked down the stairs, through the family room and into the kitchen. As they walked past the kitchen island, Beca smiled and reached up to kiss Luke's cheek. "Hey bestie. What brings you by so early on a Saturday?"

Jesse walked past the two of them to slice a banana and some strawberries for Beca. He stayed quiet hoping that Luke would start talking. The sooner they could address the elephant in the room the better. When Beca's plate was ready, he passed it to her and ignored the flash of grey green that appeared around her jawline when she looked at her food and began serving plates for himself and Luke.

After several moments of complete silence, Luke gulped as he reached a hand out to take the plate Jesse was handing him. "Thank you Jesse. Guys, I need to talk to both of you."

"Well, that's been established." Beca said as she sipped her morning wellness tea and took an English muffin from the toaster, pushing the fruit over to make room for it on her plate. Jesse took Beca's plate, the butter and jam to the table for her. She followed Jesse to the table, taking the seat opposite Luke who was nervously fiddling with the salt and pepper shakers.

"Look… this isn't going to be easy, so just bear with me, ok?"

"The floor is all yours man." Jesse told him as he sat at the table next to Beca.

Luke took a deep breath. "I did something that will probably piss you both off but at the end of the day I hope you'll both forgive me."

"Great!" Beca said as she leaned on the table and rubbed her forehead. She was tired and feeling like absolute shit, now was really not the time for Luke to pull his crap.

"Beca, do you remember the day you called me about the mysterious photographs that showed up at your office?"

"Yeah, what about it?" Beca asked as she took a bite of muffin. She spooned yogurt all over the rest of the muffin and forked a piece of Jesse's hash brown to lay out on the top, catching Luke's confused face when he saw what she was doing.

"Well, when I was leaving, I saw a guy that looked like a lot like Jesse. When I saw him, the hair on the back of my neck immediately stood on end and I got this really weird feeling."

"And what's that got to do with the price of rice in China?" Beca asked sarcastically.

Luke rolled his eyes. He had just started telling them what happened and already Beca was throwing her sarcasm and pissy attitude around. "You had just gotten that mysterious package and I became concerned for your safety."

"So, let me get this straight… you see a guy that looks like Jesse standing outside of Warner and you become concerned about my safety. What am I missing?"

Jesse reached under the table and rubbed her thigh. "Babe, let him finish." He whispered.

"Anyway, I called Paul, my dad's private investigator friend and colleague. I explained the pictures, the guy I saw and the fact that things just didn't seem right. Paul agreed that my gut instinct was probably right and that it was worth looking into, if nothing else for peace of mind. I paid Paul cash in full and asked him to trail the guy, which he did for over a week. He took dozens of pictures. When I saw the picture he took, I couldn't get over how much the guy looked like Jesse."

"So you thought I was stalking my own girlfriend? We fucking live together." Jesse said angrily, throwing down his fork in a huff.

"I didn't know what to think. The resemblance is uncanny. And let's face it mate, I don't _know_ you from Adam. I'm looking out for Beca."

Jesse rolled his eyes, a habit he picked up from Beca. "So besides the resemblance, what does this have to do with me?"

Luke took a deep breath. "If you'd let me finish-"

"-By all means… continue, I can't wait to hear what else you found out." Jesse said cockily.

"Paul had already checked that you were, in fact, at work during the times that he had eyes on the guy, so you were ruled out. That's the good news."

Looking at Jesse, Beca thought for sure she was going to be sick again. She was clammy and pale and her stomach was churning.

"Christ… that's good news? You mean, there's more?" Jesse asked, noting Beca's demeanor he walked across the kitchen to get the garbage can, putting it next to her before sitting down again.

Luke let out a cleansing breath. "Yes, there's more."

"What's the bad news?" Beca asked, sipping her tea.

"The bad news is, the guy is following _both_ of you."

"Whoa, wait a fucking minute!" Beca said, holding her hand up and setting the cup back on the table. "We're being stalked?"

"It would appear so."

"Appear?"

Luke put his hands up. "Paul is good at what he does. While he was tailing this guy, he managed to get a cigarette butt that the guy discarded and turned it over to the crime lab in an effort to find out who he is and if he has a criminal history. Turns out, the guy has a rap sheet longer than I am tall."

"Who is he?" Jesse asked as he stood up, instantly walking behind Beca, rubbing her shoulders; a move Luke respected him for.

"His name is David Thomas Russell." Luke said and paused, letting the name hang in the air.

"Is that name supposed to mean something?" Beca asked.

"It doesn't ring a bell with either of you?" Luke asked.

Beca and Jesse looked at each other then back at Luke. "No." They said in unison.

"This is the part where you're going to get pissed." Luke told them taking a deep breath.

"Well… spill it." Beca told him.

"Because the resemblance between Jesse and this chap Russell is so strong, Paul told me I needed to do my best to collect DNA from Jesse. So, on Christmas Day, while I was here, I got a sample of Jesse's hair off of his hoodie-"

"-Luke! What the fuck dude?" Beca said standing up, her chair scraping the floor.

"Beca please… please let me finish." Luke pleaded. "Please sit down. We sent the hair sample to the same crime lab and cross referenced the results. To our surprise, there were some matching DNA markers."

"What does that mean?" Jesse asked.

"It means that your biological father is stalking you and Beca."

"My father?" Jesse asked, hating that he sounded so stupid.

"Yes."

"I don't know who my father is." Jesse admitted, which was no surprise to either Beca or Luke.

"Well, I believe it's this guy."

"And how do you know that he's my father?"

"Paul had the crime lab run a paternity test. It came back that there was a 99.9% chance that he's your father."

"Oh! Um, pretty positive then."

"Yes." Luke said, getting up from his chair. He reached for a glass from the cabinet next to the sink and filled it with cool water from the faucet.

Beca gasped. "Do you have his picture?"

"Yes." Luke walked over to his messenger bag and produced an envelope, handing it to Beca. She sat at the kitchen table and spread the contents out. When she saw the picture of Russell tears began to run down her face. Luke was right, the resemblance was undeniable. It was like she was looking at a photograph of what Jesse would look like in twenty years. But she was confused as why Luke had done all of this.

Beca got up and walked toward Luke, who was now standing near the kitchen island. "What is your problem? Are you so desperate to get Jesse out of my life that you'll stoop this low?"

"I'm not trying to get him out of your life, I was trying to keep both of you safe! If I had come to you and said that I thought you were being followed you would have blown me off and said that I was being stupid. Beca, you're pregnant. I knew I needed all the information before coming to you."

Jesse couldn't believe his eyes as he stared at the picture of his father. He was always told that Bambi never knew who his father was. There were several times during his childhood that he had asked Eleanor who his dad was and every time she swore she never knew. For what it was worth, he did believe her, it was Bambi whom he never trusted. Jesse couldn't believe that for the first time in his twenty nine years, he was looking at man who was his father.

Poking Luke in the chest Beca said "You had no right to do this!"

"Beca, you're my very best friend. You're carrying my future Godchild. If this nutcase were to hurt you I would never have forgiven myself." Luke told her. "He's literally been following you _everywhere_! The doctor. The grocery. Pilates class. Work. Home. Everywhere! Paul saw him watching the house with a pair of binoculars."

"I can't believe you! You went behind our backs!" She dropping her hand to rub her belly. "You should have damn well told me!"

Jesse walked up behind Beca, slipping his arms around her and kissing the back of her head. "Baby, you need to calm down. Luke did what he thought was right."

Beca spun around. "You're on _his_ side?"

"Yes, I am and I'm thankful that he did this. He's protecting all three of us."

Beca pushed Jesse's hand away from her body and stormed off. Stomping up each and every stair as she went, Jesse and Luke could hear her cursing and shooting obscenities as she climbed to the second floor. When she got to their bedroom she slammed the door so hard Jesse was sure it had registered on the Richter scale.

What the fuck had Luke been thinking? How dare he go behind their backs? He used the fact that they had invited him over for Christmas to collect DNA from Jesse and she was sure that he had taken pleasure in doing it.

Protecting them? He claimed he was trying to protect them from what? A man neither of them knew. She hadn't told Luke that she recognized the man as someone that had bumped into her a few days earlier at Starbucks. Should she have said something? Or did Luke already know because he had pictures? What had he hoped to accomplish by showing up unexpectedly and dropping this little bomb on them?

And what the fuck was up with Jesse? Why was he so calm and better yet, why was he on Luke's side? They hardly tolerated each other but Jesse suddenly had Luke's back. It didn't make any sense. What did this Russell guy want? And why had he chosen now to look for Jesse? Should they arrange to meet with him to find out what he wanted? She was so confused.

Then the tears came.

Big, fat, angry rivers that ran down her cheeks. Someone who she didn't know was following them for an unknown reason. And to think that it could be Jesse's father watching them in the house unnerved her no end. Perhaps Luke _had_ done the right thing.

 **o~O~o  
Monday Morning  
o~O~o**

Jesse called Cynthia Rose just as she asked him to. He raised an eyebrow when she insisted that they had to meet that day. Unsure what to think, he hoped it was a good thing that she was so interested and eager. He was as keen as anything to discuss a recording contract for The Riff and felt an enormous responsibility to the band; this was a huge deal for him as it was make or break time.

He was sure he had never been so nervous in his life and to prove his point, he fidgeted all the way to work. Beca had to snap him out of his daydream and get him to focus, his leg bouncing up and down as she pulled up outside Cynthia Rose's offices at Columbia. She'd suggested she drive him, seeing his nerves that morning.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Beca asked. She knew what his answer would be but wanted to make the offer anyway.

Jesse shook his head as he gazed out the window. "No, I'm good." While he appreciated her love and support, this was something he had to do on his own.

"You've got this." She told him reaching over to hook his chin, turning his head so she could kiss him gently. "I love you. Go get 'em."

He smiled. She was right, he definitely had this. Beca gave him the confidence he needed to accomplish anything and he loved that about her.

As he sat in the reception area of Cynthia Rose's office, he wondered why he hadn't accepted Beca's offer to go with him. He had arrived early hoping that Cynthia Rose would go ahead and see him but she had been in a meeting. So he sat watching music videos and making numerous trips to the water cooler. If he drank anymore water he was going to spend his entire meeting in the restroom.

Just as he was about to get out of his seat for another cup of water, an attractive, tall, bodaciously built brunette wearing a dangerously low cut blouse, a micro mini skirt and come fuck me heels walked into the room. "Jesse Swanson?" She called as she looked around the room.

"I'm Jesse."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Stacie... Cynthia Rose's assistant." She said giving him the once over as she held out her hand to shake his.

"Nice to meet you too."

"Follow me please."

"Lead the way." He told her, motioning with his hand.

As they walked, in silence, to Cynthia Rose's office, Jesse began to wonder how many more twists and turns they'd have to make before they got there. He hoped someone was planning to walk him back out because he was certain that he was never going to find his way out. The offices at Columbia were light, spacious, and mostly open plan from what he could see. As they walked further down the corridor, he noted that they entered the executive office area and felt his nervousness fluttering around in his belly.

"Have a seat in here." Stacie told him as she held the door open, indicating a huge, black leather couch flanked by two very large ferns. "Cynthia Rose will be with you in a few minutes, she's just finishing up with One Direction."

"That's fine, thanks."

Jesse tried to swallow down the bile as it rose in his throat. He looked around at the pictures on the shelves and all the records that lined the walls. He looked in absolute wonder and amazement just as he had done when he saw Beca's office for the first time. He played a game with himself to name as many bands as he could and was up to thirty one, when a familiar voice could be heard down the corridor. Jesse smoothed down his shirt and quietly cleared his throat.

"Hey Jesse!" Cynthia Rose said as she walked into her office and dropped her things on the desk with a loud clatter.

"Hey! How are you?" Jesse asked, offering his hand.

"I'm good… sorry to keep you waiting. My meeting ran a little long." Cynthia Rose shook his hand warmly.

"No worries at all. If Columbia is anything like Warner, then I know you're busy."

"Well… let's get started." She said as she motioned to the chair on the other side of her desk. Jesse sat, ready to listen to a spiel similar to the one Beca rattled off the night they met. "I won't bore you with all of the details as I'm pretty sure you've heard it all before." Cynthia Rose started. "I don't expect you to sign anything today, this is simply about negotiations. I trust that you'll have Beca look everything over and advise you."

Jesse nodded. "Yes, that's what I planned to do."

"Good. Now… this is the part you probably won't like. I'm not one to beat about the bush and I'm damn sure not a babysitter."

Taking a deep breath, Jesse looked at her and said, "Lay it on me."

"It's no secret that Beca has been trying to persuade me to sign your band. She's very proud of you and want to see you succeed. I can see the potential but I think there's something missing."

"Missing?" Jesse asked, a little more high pitched than he intended.

"Yes… I figured out what it was on New Year's Eve."

"Ok, I'm listening." Jesse said, leaning forward linking his hands together.

"Do you remember the girl that sang with the band that night?"

"Yeah, Pepper something."

"Do you know her last name?"

"No, New Year's Eve was the first night I'd met her. I think Beca and her cousin Aubrey know her."

"Right. Well, this is the offer… I will sign your band to Columbia with a pretty decent advance and recording budget which you'll see when you read through the document. I will promote you, get your name out there and for as long as the band is committed, I am in it for the long haul. There'll be fast cars, expensive hotels, fine dining and all the trappings of a rock and roll lifestyle."

"So what's the catch?!" Jesse asked, nervously.

"I think The Riff has potential, however, I will _only_ sign you if Pepper becomes a member of the band."

"You can't be serious? I don't know her… why would I invite her to join my band?"

"Because she's what you need to make it in this industry. No Pepper… no recording contract. Simple as that." Cynthia Rose told him, as she sat back in her chair.

"That's not fair. I don't even know how to contact her." Which wasn't exactly true. Pepper was Beca's pole dance instructor, he could definitely get her phone number but he just didn't want to. "What makes her so… great?" Jesse asked trying really hard not to throw an 'F' bomb into his question.

"She gives the band an amazing sound. Her voice is rich, deep and full of flavor."

"So, you're saying we sound like shit without her?"

"No, not at all… The Riff is edgy but her sound gives you an edge that wasn't there before, if that makes any sense."

"Nope, not at all but… by all means, please… explain."

"Are you familiar with Fleetwood Mac?"

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with us?"

"Stevie Nicks is ballsy. She's full of sass and edge… that's exactly what The Riff needs. It's what was missing."

Jesse had to admit that Cynthia Rose had a valid point. Pepper had an amazing set of pipes and she did add something to their performances at the party. He could admit to himself that he had tried a little bit harder when she was on stage so as not to show himself up. She was good but could that carry over to in studio recording and future performances?

"Ok… I can see your point but I can't make the decision for the band. This is something we'll have to discuss as a group."

"I completely understand and appreciate that." Cynthia Rose said. "So, when can you get back to me?"

"End of the week soon enough?"

"Perfect." She said standing up to shake Jesse's hand. "I look forward to hearing from you."

As Jesse left Columbia Records, he pulled out his phone to call Beca. He knew he should wait until they both got home to talk but his mind was racing with thoughts. He wondered how on Earth he was going to convince the guys to give Pepper and Cynthia Rose a shot. They had always been so against taking on new people, having all come together when they first got out of Juvenile Hall, Nate had said it was what bonded them together. He decided, if any of them asked him why he wanted to do it, he would say 'what do we really have to lose?' Jesse knew that if it didn't work out then they were no worse off than they were before he met Beca… or were they?

Scrolling through his contacts, he paused at a name which he could have sworn on a stack of Bibles hadn't been there the week before. Confused, he looked at his phone, as he saw Pepper's name in his contacts before deciding it was Beca who added the number as he didn't remember doing it. Putting the phone to his ear as he placed the call to Beca's office phone, he began to walk down the street, in the direction of Warner. He absentmindedly strolled, lost so deep in thought that he wasn't quite prepared for someone stepping straight into his path. He looked up sharply as he collided with a gentleman wearing a faded school jacket and a pair of cheap sunglasses. He heard himself gasp as a thin flash of silver appeared and was aimed at his stomach. He was about to run away when he looked at the face of his would be attacker.

"It's you! What the fuck do you want?"


	23. Chapter 22: Nugget and Nevada

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. The last several weeks have been absolutely insane! Please don't forget to read & review.**

 **Corinne, Thanks for always bouncing ideas around, reading through 'one last time', for standing by me & helping me to meet the crazy goals I set for myself. You're the best & I don't know what I'd do without you. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Chapter 22  
Nugget and Nevada  
** **o~O~o**

A few days before her sixteen week prenatal appointment, Beca woke from her peaceful slumber with a jolt, her hands immediately rubbing the swell of her tummy. Once she realized what was happening, she giggled as she marvelled at the sudden movement inside of her.

Up to that point, she had only felt little flurries, fluttering little butterfly movements that could only be felt from the inside, but _now_ she was able to feel the movements on the outside as well. She knew Jesse would be excited, he'd been wanting to feel the baby since Dr. Kaiser had told them a few weeks prior that it could start happening at any time.

Continuing to rub her tummy, she smiled and whispered, "Good morning my lil' nugget. Did you have a good night?"

"You know… we really do need to start talking about proper names." Jesse said sleepily as he rolled over. His hand was immediately drawn to Beca's tummy and he began to rub soft circles on her skin. "Nugget is a great nickname but he or she needs a _real_ name."

"What names do you have in mind?"

"I've had a girl name in mind since you told me you were pregnant."

"Well, what is it?" Beca asked, her face full of excitement at his obvious interest.

"Sunday Rayne."

"You can't be serious?! You want to name our daughter Sunday Rayne Swanson?"

"Of course I'm serious."

"Umm… Why?"

"It was a rainy Sunday afternoon when you got pregnant." He said, nuzzling her neck. "Kinda fitting… dontcha think?"

"Ahh... not just no, but _hell_ to the no."

"But why not?" Jesse whined.

"Because at some point we'll have to explain that stupid name and there is no way in hell I'm telling that story to our daughter. What else ya got?"

"I have a few more, but they're all girl names."

"No boy names?"

"No, I guess deep down I think the baby is a girl. What about you?"

"I've come across a few boy names that I like, girls names have been-."

"-I felt it!" Jesse smiled as he felt the baby kick. "Oh my God that was amazing! I'm _so_ jealous that you get to feel this all the time."

Beca ran her fingers through Jesse's hair as he gently poked her belly in an attempt to get the baby to kick again. "It is very cool."

"Hey… what about Sophie Christine?" Jesse offered as he kissed her belly before whispering, "Come on baby, wake up and kick Daddy again."

"Sophie's not bad. It can definitely go on the list." Beca said, moving Jesse's hand to the side where she felt a tiny flutter.

"The list? There's a list?"

"Yes, a list. Why are you laughing at that? It's not color coded and alphabetized like Aubrey would do but we should each make a list of the top five names we like then trade lists. We can score the names on a scale of one to five. One being the worst and five being the best. Which ever name gets the most points gets the highest consideration and moves to the final list where we'll score them again."

"You want to name our child based on a _point system_?"

"You got a better idea?"

"No… just making sure I understand the rules." Jesse told her, hiding the softest of smiles. "What are some of your ideas?"

"Well, I like Dominic, Wyatt and Bodhi." She told him. "I like Rowan too but it sounds a little weird with Swanson."

"Well… I really like Wyatt and Bodhi. Let's definitely go with one of those."

"That was easy." Beca smiled. "Now, we just need a girl name… or two."

"So, Sunday Rayne is definitely out."

"Yes, it's _definitely_ out but Sophie can stay on the list." Beca told him as she watched Jesse's face light up like a Christmas tree when the baby kicked his hand as he continued pressing his fingers gently into her abdomen.

"Man, can we just stay in bed all day so I can keep feeling this?" He laughed, loving the sensation.

Beca grinned at his goofy expression. "I doubt that I'd be able to explain _that_ to Sawyer! You'll be able to feel it again later. Now, come on, we've gotta get going or we'll both be late for work. Keep thinking of those names." Beca said, as she slipped out of bed and walked into the bathroom.

Picking a name for their child was going to be a lot harder than Jesse thought. Beca really had come up with some great names and all he had come up with was something silly. He definitely needed to sit down and give it some serious thought. Whatever name they chose would not only define who their child was but it would follow him or her for the rest of their lives. Picking the wrong name could cause their child to get made fun of and that was something he certainly didn't want. He and Beca had one chance and they couldn't screw it up. This was their first test as parents and they needed to do everything in their power to pick a great name.

Jesse walked in the bathroom and stood at the sink to shave while Beca turned the shower on to warm up the water, she hated the initial shock of standing under the first spray of cold water. She was about to step under the stream when she heard her text tone coming from the bedroom. Noting it was too early even for Luke to be texting, she left the bathroom to get it in case Amy needed a ride to the office. A few days earlier Amy had her car towed after she collided head on with a garden gnome in a neighbor's front yard, which she claimed jumped out in the road as she was driving.

Jesse happily watched Beca's naked ass as she went into their bedroom, resisting the urge to playfully slap it. He grinned as he lathered his face and waited for the sink to fill with hot water.

Every morning their routine had them getting ready for the day in tandem. Since they rode downtown together they spent the mornings moving in sync, not only around the bathroom but around the house as well. It was a system that worked very well for them, so there was no real need to change anything.

Beca returned a few seconds later with her phone in her hand. She placed it on the counter before turning and walking back toward the shower. "Hey... umm… don't be mad but-"

"-but what?" Jesse interrupted, flexing his guns in the mirror.

"So… umm… Emily's debut is coming up and-"

"-And what?" Jesse asked, genuinely curious about what Beca had to say but still extremely interested in the gun show he was putting on.

"Well, Sawyer has scheduled her to play at a music festival in Vegas and I have to go with her." Beca told him as she stepped into the shower, closing the door behind her.

"What?"

"It's only a few days and it's too good an opportunity to miss."

"Why can't Sawyer go with Emily if it's so important?" Jesse grumbled

"'Cuz it's not his job to go." Beca replied as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair. "And remember, he's always preaching about how he wants _'perfection, perfection'_ , so he's sending me to -"

"-When?" Pulling at his face so that he got a close shave, Jesse rolled his eyes. He was not happy about the idea of Beca traveling so far away from home, especially while she was pregnant.

"My flight to Vegas leaves at 9:07am on February 19th and I land back at LAX at 2:33pm on Monday the 24th." She told him. "They're direct flights so 45 minutes in the air… tops."

Jesse groaned as he turned around and saw that she was bent over shaving her legs. "Uhh… are you sure it's safe for you to travel?" He asked as he felt the tightness in his boxer shorts.

"Well, we can ask Dr. Kaiser at my appointment on Wednesday but I'm pretty sure that as long as I'm healthy, which I am and you know I am, it's perfectly safe for me to fly until I'm about thirty six weeks. I've heard that some airlines are sometimes unwilling to allow women who are more than twenty eight weeks pregnant because of the risk of premature labor. We'll check with the doctor and the airline to ease your worries."

"I think that's a good idea. I don't want to take any chances with you and our little nugget."

"Babe, pregnant women travel all the time. I'll be at the halfway point by then so I'm sure everything will be fine."

Jesse nodded. She was right, pregnant women do travel all the time. There would come a point in her pregnancy when she would no longer be able to travel but there was no reason why she shouldn't travel until that point. Besides, Sawyer always made sure that she was well taken care of when she was out of town, and he was sure that this time would be no exception, so there really was nothing to worry about.

"You could always come with me." Beca said, pulling him out of his thoughts. "We can make a weekend of it, away from everyone else and it would just be the three of us."

"That's true. I'll have to see what Cynthia Rose has planned for us. If we don't have anything going on and I can get Bob to approve the time off, then I'd love to go."

"I think Sawyer was going to speak to Amy and see if she was was coming to meet with a new designer so she might be going too. She's pretty good in places like that so if you can't come, she'll be my personal bodyguard. You know how protective she is!"

"Yep! I seem to recall being shooed away on at least one occasion over Christmas for breathing too close to you. But joking aside, I'd feel a lot happier knowing someone was put there with you if I can't join you."

Beca turned off the shower and stepped out. "You worry too much!"

"I know, but you're carrying precious cargo in there." Jesse said, handing her a towel as he placed a protective hand across her belly, gliding his fingers over her damp skin.

Beca playfully slapped his hands away, "We're going to be late for work if you start that business. I'm meeting Luke for lunch today and can't skip that because you made me late for work! Later, OK?"

"I'll hold you to that."

 **o~O~o**

Four weeks later, Beca was off to Vegas… without Jesse

Beca landed in Vegas right on time, after a textbook flight and a gentle landing that she certainly appreciated. Emily and her mom, Katherine were scheduled to arrive a little over an hour later in the same terminal. After collecting her suitcase from baggage claim, Beca found an available table at the small Starbucks, sent Emily a quick text to let her know where they were to meet her after they collected their luggage, then pulled out her laptop and began answering emails while drinking hot tea and devouring two chocolate muffins in record time.

Beca was so lost what she was doing, typing out a reply to Snoop Dogg, politely declining his request for a fourth Christmas album, that she didn't realize how much time had passed until she felt Emily tap her on the shoulder.

"Hey!" Beca said, jumping slightly as she turned and stood up, brushing the muffins crumbs from her lap.

Katherine smiled as she held out her hand, and tentatively started rubbing Beca's stomach. "You have the cutest little baby bump I think I've ever seen!"

"Thanks." She said smiling and rubbing her belly at the same time.

"Do you know what you're having?" Katherine asked. Beca was half tempted to give the woman an eye roll and a smart ass reply of, ' _a baby',_ but she decided to play nice.

"We had an ultrasound a few weeks ago but the little turd wouldn't cooperate. So, we're going to try again at my next appointment, but for the record I think the baby is a boy." Beca told her and watched as Katherine smiled and nodded along. There was a silence in the air and Beca remembered she was supposed to ask questions back. "Did you find out when you were expecting Emily?"

"No, Miss Priss hid the goods so we were surprised on _the_ day." Katherine shared, playfully nudging her daughter who was twirling a piece of her hair in her fingers. "Luckily, we had two names picked out, Ethan and Emily. Do you have names picked?"

"We've been tossing a few around but haven't really decided on any as of yet. I think it'll be easier once we know what we're having."

"If you don't find out beforehand, you'll definitely know his or her name the minute you meet."

"I really hope so. Are you two are ready for lunch 'cuz this baby bump is starving." Beca announced as she rubbed her bump.

"I was watching Diners, Dives and Drive-Ins a few weeks ago and saw that Guy Fieri has a restaurant that's about ten minutes from The Palazzo." Katherine offered the suggestion. "We could go there?"

"Sounds good. Do you remember if there's barbeque on the menu?" Beca asked as she packed up her laptop.

Katherine nodded as she looked at her phone. "I just pulled up the menu. There's chicken wings, ribs and brisket. Will that work?"

"What are we doing still standing here? Let's go." Beca said happily as she lead the way out of the airport.

 **o~O~o**

Attending the music festival had been extremely successful and was beyond Beca's expectations. Emily's first two performances had gone off without a hitch and early feedback suggested that she was destined for bigger and better things. Beca was pleased for Emily; she was a good kid with a sensible head on her shoulders but above all she had a very supportive Mom, which always helped especially since Katherine had no desire to be a 'Momager'.

Just before Emily and Katherine flew back home, Beca arranged a meeting for the following week to extend Emily's current contract. Emily was currently signed to a probationary one year contract and while the year wasn't nearly close to being over, Beca was eager to get her signed to something more permanent. She knew that if Warner didn't scoop Emily up someone else would. Emily excitedly reassured Beca that she was happy to stay with her and Warner which pleased her to hear.

As an added bonus, Beca had also made contact with several other artists that she thought would be a great fit for Warner. She called Kimmy, gave her all the information and asked her to line up some meetings for the week she got back. Kimmy gave her usual cold, one word replies but Beca knew by the time she got back in the office on Monday, that everything would be taken care of.

After speaking with Kimmy, Beca called Sawyer. He was extremely pleased that she was so enthusiastic and really happy to hear she had some potential acts to do call backs and features on. He filled her in on a new opportunity that was about to take place at Warner Studios and surprisingly Beca didn't immediately dismiss the idea of MTV coming in to do a behind the scenes documentary. The part she wasn't too crazy about was that a film crew would be shadowing her and her team, something that could go badly considering her team consisted of Lily, Kimmy and Amy, for a week at Warner. She suggested a couple of ideas to Sawyer but he warned her to take it easy. Beca laughed and said she was better than she had been in weeks and felt like she had definitely gotten back in the groove over the last several months. Everything seemed to be going really well for her both personally and professionally.

Jesse and Beca spoke at least once during the day, usually during Jesse's lunch break and every evening before going to bed, that was really the only times their busy schedules allowed them to talk. Jesse told Beca that staying in the house alone felt weird and that he _really_ missed her. He even suggested that they get a puppy, which made Beca giggle though she wasn't opposed to the idea and agreed to talk about it more when she got home. Beca assured him that she would be home soon and make it up to him when she got there. Right before their calls ended, Jesse would ask Beca to put the phone on her belly so he could talk to the baby. She really couldn't believe how cute he was about the whole thing.

In a way, Beca was glad that Jesse had been unable to get the time off to join her in Las Vegas. She had been really busy and wouldn't have had much spare time to spend with him though she knew he would have really enjoyed the music festival. Amy had been due to fly out the day before Beca but instead had to attend a few last minute meetings at Warner and her plans got changed. Amy had been looking forward to the trip as she never been to Nevada but Beca secretly wondered if Nevada was ready for Amy.

After telling Beca that he couldn't get the time off work to go to Vegas, Jesse told her that he planned to get the band together to work on some new songs, while he had the spare time. He asked if she minded if the band came over to use the guest house as somewhere to practice. She was touched that he asked permission even though she said he didn't have to. He suggested Beca text Amy and see when or if she was going to make it to Vegas, which she had to admit wasn't a bad idea. Luckily, Amy told her that she would be flying out to Vegas late on Friday night to spend the weekend with her.

When Amy asked Beca what they were going to do for the weekend, she told her that she wanted to go wedding dress shopping and needed help picking something out. Amy had asked why she didn't want to take Aubrey with her, and had giggled when Beca had messaged her back saying that she didn't want to wear anything that was ' _God-awful Aubrey pink or frilly, fru fru crap'_. On Thursday evening Amy sent Beca a text, ' _because I've been on my best behavior Sawyer let me have Friday off'_ and ' _I changed my flight quicker than you forget Bumper's name'_.

Beca was excited that Amy would get to spend three full days in Vegas with her. They could shop during the day and attend concerts at night in addition to seeing a show or two.

When Amy arrived, she hardly had time to set her bags down in Beca's suite at The Palazzo before she was being dragged down the strip to go shopping. Complaining that she was hungry, Beca promised her a nice lunch if she behaved herself, didn't molest any store mannequins or get involved in anything that would involve Beca spending the rest of the weekend trying to bail her out of jail.

After a couple of hours shopping, Amy wanted to tour a few of the hotels and Beca had to admit that she was ready to get a drink and sit down for a little while. She wasn't surprised however, when an hour later, she saw Amy being walked out of one hotels by a member of the security team. While she wasn't in any serious trouble, the guard told Beca that skinny dipping in the Venice hotel's canal was against all the rules. Beca dragged Amy away but she couldn't help doubling over with laughter at the image then vowed not to let Amy out of her sight again for the rest of the weekend. Together, the girls managed to get plenty of shopping done and Beca even managed to bribe Amy with ' _one more shop'_ by offering to treat her to a dinner and show, something Amy became far too excited about.

Later that night, before they went out to dinner, they looked through all of their purchases, pleased with everything they'd picked out but by far, Beca's favorite find was her wedding dress. She bought the flowy empire waisted dress knowing that she wouldn't be confined and that her tummy would be more visible by then. Beca was beyond excited to wear it when she walked down the aisle to become Mrs. Jesse Christopher Swanson in May. She hoped it would still fit, but if it didn't, she'd just buy something else.

After an eventful weekend, Amy had flown back to Los Angeles on Sunday afternoon because Sawyer told her she had to be in the office bright and early on Monday for a meeting with Echosmith about the cover art for their new album. It was a meeting that Amy was looking forward to and was very excited about.

It had definitely been a very long five days and Beca was more than ready to fly home the next day. While she had enjoyed the time with Amy, she was pleased to have one last night to herself before heading home the next day. She missed her house and her bed, she even missed Sawyer and all of the girls but she missed Jesse the most. Sleeping in a king sized bed all alone sucked and in an effort to feel less alone, she tucked a couple of pillows behind her but it still wasn't anything like having Jesse laying next to her.

It was getting late and after eating dinner in her room, Beca finally got to relax in the tub. She enjoyed the warm water as it enveloped and soothed her tired body. Looking after Amy around the bright lights and endless sounds of Las Vegas had taken its toll on her but Beca reasoned it was good practice for when she had a small child to look after. Her body was completely relaxed and she had actually started to doze off when she began to experience some mild twinges in her lower abdomen. While shifting into a more comfortable position she felt another jolt shoot across her tummy. It was something she hadn't felt before and if she was being honest, it scared the shit out of her. She began rubbing circles on her belly and after a few minutes, the twinges stopped. She chalked it up to walking up and down The Strip so much over the weekend or the baby settling into a new position. She lay there for a few minutes wondering if she'd eaten too much rich food and vowed to get back to healthy eating when she got back home.

When she was finished in the bath, she was towel drying her hair when she felt a sharp pain ripple through her belly. Carefully, she stood upright and grabbed her side where she was feeling the pain. Walking slowly across the room, she grabbed a robe and wrapped it around herself before laying on the bed for a moment or two until the pain subsided but ultimately, decided to call Dr. Kaiser to put her mind at rest. After leaving a message with the answering service, she laid down and tried to relax, reassuring herself that everything was going to be ok.

"Hey Beca… I got your message from the answering service. What's going on?" Dr Kaiser asked, fifteen minutes later when she returned Beca's phone call.

"I've been in Vegas on business and I'm due to fly home tomorrow but for the last thirty minutes or so I've been feeling these weird twinges and pains." Beca said, the words tumbling out of her, all in a rush. "My stomach gets tight for a minute or so then it eases up for a bit and starts all over."

"How are you feeling generally?"

"I'm ok. Had a busy few days but I'm doing well."

"Ok… it's probably nothing but I'd feel better if you'd go to Desert Springs Hospital Medical Center and ask for Dr. Brian Jackson. He's a colleague of mine. I'll call him and tell him to expect you."

"You really think I need to go to hospital?" Beca asked, her eyes welling up.

"I think it's better to be safe than sorry."

"So this is just a precaution… right?"

"Yes, I'd feel better if he checked you out before you get on the plane tomorrow."

"Ok, I'll get dressed and get myself over there."

"Do you have anyone with you?"

"No, it's just me. I'll be fine."

"Ok. Call me with any updates. I'll have my phone with me."

"Thanks Dr. Kaiser."

"You're welcome Beca. Take care."

 **o~O~o**

After explaining her situation to the hotel manager, Beca made arrangements with them to stay a few extra days if she needed to. The hotel staff were more than happy to oblige and offered their services should she need them. She thanked them for their support, glad that she made the decision that she wasn't going to travel until she was given the all clear. She closed out the existing reservation, charging everything work related to her company American Express then gave the girl at the front desk her personal credit card for the new reservation. When everything was squared away, she called Uber for a car to take her to the hospital, silently wishing Amy hadn't flown back to Los Angeles after all.

Upon arriving at the hospital, she took the elevator to the third floor and asked for Dr. Jackson. Ginger, the labor and delivery nurse at the desk, told her that Dr. Kaiser had called ahead to let them know that Beca was on her way. She had also emailed Beca's medical records so that Dr. Jackson could begin to familiarize himself.

Ginger explained that Dr. Jackson had already made the decision to keep her overnight for observation as she guided them down a long corridor. Beca barely had the time to look around amid the sense of urgency surrounding her arrival. Ginger took Beca into a Labor and Delivery suite which Beca was about to question when they arrived in the room. Ginger briefly explained where everything was kept and, opening a tall cabinet by the door, asked her to change into a gown and said that she and Dr. Jackson would be back in shortly.

Beca sat down on the bed and picked up the gown Ginger had left on the end of the bed. It felt stiff and overly clean and this seemed to make Beca feel quite vulnerable. She checked the door was closed before stripping off her clothes and quickly changing before climbing onto the hard hospital bed. She fidgeted nervously with the blanket covering the bed and tried to calm her nerves by breathing deeply and taping her foot against the side of the bed.

Like most people, Beca didn't like hospitals and feeling extremely nervous and afraid of the unfamiliar surroundings, she didn't like that the decision had already been made to keep her overnight especially since Dr. Jackson hadn't even seen her yet. Unconsciously, she started rubbing her belly and talking to the baby.

"Daddy isn't here to talk to you right now so you are stuck with me. It's _way_ too early for you to come, so I'm gonna need you to be really brave and strong little one."

She began to gently rub her bump and subconsciously began to recite the book Goodnight Moon from memory. She had read that it was never too early to start talking, reading and singing to her bump and while she thought Jesse was silly for doing it, she secretly read Goodnight Moon every night to the baby before going to bed. It was the only way she knew how to comfort her unborn child _and_ herself at the same time.

 _"In the great green room  
_ _there was a telephone  
_ _And a red balloon  
_ _And a picture of the cow jumping over the moon._

 _And there were three little bears sitting on chairs  
_ _And two little kittens and a pair of mittens  
_ _And a little toy house and a young mouse.  
_ _And a comb and a brush  
_ _And a bowl full of mush  
_ _And a quiet old lady who was whispering, "Hush."_

 _Good night, room. Good night, moon.  
_ _Good night, cow jumping over the moon.  
_ _Good night, light and the red balloon.  
_ _Good night, bears. Good night, chairs.  
_ _Good night, kittens. Good night, mittens.  
_ _Goodnight, clocks. Good night, socks.  
_ _Good night, little house. Good night, mouse.  
_ _Good night, comb. Good night, brush.  
_ _Good night, nobody. Good night, mush.  
_ _Good night to the old lady whispering, "Hush."  
_ _Good night, stars. Good night, air.  
_ _Good night, noises everywhere."_

Beca drifted off to sleep as the last few words tumbled from her lips. It was really late and she was beyond tired. She wasn't sleeping for long when Ginger appeared with some ice water for Beca and told her to take little sips to keep hydrated. She was grateful for the drink, the stress had made her mouth quite dry. Ginger stayed for a minute or two, patting Beca's hand and asking her some questions about what she was doing in Vegas. Beca knew Ginger was trying to keep her calm with her company and appreciated all she was doing for her.

The next time Ginger entered the room, she hooked Beca up to the fetal monitor so that the baby could be monitored very closely. As Beca listened to her baby's heartbeat, she continued to have twinges and knew something wasn't right. She tried to remain calm knowing she had to call Jesse to let him know what was going on as soon as she found out what was going on. He wasn't going to be happy, especially since he didn't want her to go on the trip in the first place.

She knew Jesse would be in bed, but she had to call him. The phone rang four times before Jesse answered. "Hey baby. It's so late, why are you still up?"

"I know it's late. Did I wake you?" Beca asked, blowing out the air silently from her mouth.

"No, I was just getting out of the shower." He told her. "You ok? Ready to come home tomorrow?"

Beca took a deep breath. This was going to be harder than she thought. He was definitely going to freak out.

"Beca… you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"What's going on? What's that weird beeping?"

"Ok, I'll tell you but don't freak out-"

"-Beca… just spit it out."

"Umm… I'm in the hospital." She told him and heard him gasp on the other end of the line. "I'm having these little twinges that come and go. I called Dr. Kaiser and she recommended that I get checked out before coming home tomorrow. It's just as a precaution."

"What hospital?" Jesse said. Beca heard him immediately start pulling a pair of jeans on.

"Desert Springs-"

"-I'm on the way."

"Jesse, I'm sure I'll be home tomorrow or the next day even. You don't have to rush here tonight."

"I said I'm on the way." He reiterated sternly, his voice muffled for a second or two as he pulled on a shirt. "I'm headed to LAX. I'm gonna get on the next flight out."

"Ok… use my credit card."

"I will. I love you and I'll see you soon… ok?"

"Ok… I love you too."

Beca felt a huge sense of relief. She wasn't going to be alone for much longer. Hopefully, Jesse would be able to get on the next flight out and be at her side within a couple of hours, then they could both rest easier.

She laid in the bed listening to the beat of her baby's heart. The loud thwap was encouraging, it meant that the baby was safe and alive. It also meant that maybe she had overreacted to the twinges she had been feeling. She hadn't exactly been taking it easy. The twinges were probably just the result of her overworking. She made a mental note that she needed to take it a little easier once she got home. No more long days, no more late nights. She needed a more reasonable, dedicated schedule.

She began to drift off again when she heard a soft tapping and the door opened. Dr. Jackson and Ginger were finally there to check on her. Ginger walked up the bed and laid her hand on Beca's knee. "Hey Beca… this is Dr. Jackson. Sorry it took us a bit to get back to you. It's been a busy night, three babies in four hours. I think that's some kind of record."

"Hi Dr. Jackson." Beca said, her voice slightly thick with fatigue.

"Hello Ms. Mitchell, how are you feeling?"

"It's Beca and to answer your question, I'm feeling pretty good." She said as she pushed herself into a sitting position.

"Beca it is. So, I've reviewed the chart that Dr. Kaiser sent over." He said flipping through the printout. "Looks like everything has been textbook so far."

"So far, so good." Beca said rubbing her tummy as another twinge hit her. "Oh!"

"Are you ok?" Ginger asked, her eyes darting to the fetal monitor instantly.

"No… I don't think so." Beca said as rolled onto her side, wincing in pain. "This one is a lot worse than the others."

Putting Beca's chart on the tray near the foot of the bed, Dr. Jackson said, "Let's see what's going on with your little one. Ginger, please get the portable ultrasound machine."

"Sure thing. I'll be right back." Ginger said, giving Beca a brief, reassuring smile as she walked out of the room.

Beca winced again. "Oh shit! This hurts."

Dr. Jackson looked at Beca knowing exactly what was going on. "Beca, is there anyone you want to call?"

"My fiance is already on the way from Los Angeles."

"Any idea when he'll arrive?" The doctor asked, as he pulled on a set of gloves.

"No. Why?"

"Can you get a message to him?"

"This really hurts!" Beca said wincing again. "But, yes I can message Jesse. Why though?"

"Beca, you need to tell him to hurry."

"Hurry? What the hell is happening?" Beca cried out.

"I think it's best if someone is here with you. You shouldn't be alone." Dr. Jackson said as Ginger knocked on the door discreetly before entering the room with the ultrasound machine. "Thanks Ginger."

Ginger nodded as she began setting up the machine, and handing the doctor the wand. He turned to talk to Beca.

"I'm going to have a look and see what's going on. This may be a little uncomfortable as I need you to lay flat for me but bear with me and I'll be as quick as I can."

"It's ok." Beca said, "Please just do what you have to do."

The room fell silent as the doctor concentrated on the flickering screen in front of him. Ginger squeezed Beca's shoulder as Dr. Jackson wrinkled his nose.

"It looks as though part of your placenta may have detached itself from your uterine wall. Have you experienced any bleeding, cramps or discomfort?"

"Only what has been happening in the past couple of hours."

"I'm going to run a couple more tests to be sure."

"Is it serious?"

"It can be but you are in the best place to be looked after. This could be nothing to worry about at all, but it could also mean cutting back on some hours at work-"

"-I can do that." Beca said urgently.

"It could also mean bed rest or partial bed rest if there aren't any more problems."

"I'll do anything and everything to takes to keep the baby safe." Beca said, immediately not liking the idea of spending the next few months in bed. She immediately wondered how Sawyer would take the news. She looked over to Ginger who she noticed looked strained. Turning back to Dr. Jackson, she asked a simple question. "Will I lose the baby?"

"Let's not go down that road." He said kindly, patting her gently on the knee. "We are a dozen possibilities but I'm going to run a few more tests before we jump to any conclusions. I know it's hard, but try not to worry too much. Get some rest, Ginger will draw some blood and I'll be back in an hour to check on you again."

Beca watched as they both left the room. As soon as she heard the door click, she burst into hot, fat tears that rolled down her cheeks in rivers. She had never been so scared in her whole life and needed Jesse more than ever.


	24. Chapter 23: Worrying and Wandering

**A/N: HUGE apology for the long wait. Hope y'all like it. Please don't forget to read & review!**

 **Corinne, You're my rock! Thank you for always believing in me, even when I don't believe in myself. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 23**  
 **o~O~o**

 **~Jesse's POV~**

When I stop and think about where I am right now it's hard to believe how much things have changed in a single year. True, there's been some shit; I nearly lost Beca, I was homeless, I got beaten up and I ended up with nothing. But on the flip side, I nearly lost Beca, I was homeless, I got beaten up and I ended up with nothing.

Let me explain.

I'm Jesse Christopher Swanson. I'm twenty nine years old and grew up in a trailer park that had a reputation of just being downright awful. If the cops did a drive by, there was always a minimum of three cars and they never entered the park if there was trouble. Instead, they just sent in the SWAT team who usually arrived in full uniform and more than ready to kick ass.

Luckily my sweet Granny, the only parent I ever knew, lived on the better side of the trailer park, the one that didn't smell like garbage and danger. I mean, she tried, she really tried and taught us right from wrong and kept us from the bad part of the park, which I am still thankful for, seeing that most of the guys I knew from school either ended up in prison or dead. With the exception of my excuse of a mother, my childhood was ok. I mean, yeah, we were hungry a lot of the time and had to make do with clothes we could afford from goodwill but Granny baked cookies when she could afford the ingredients and the trailer was always filled with singing and believe it or not, there are some good memories. For our birthdays, we were treated to a barbecue dinner, a small gift which was just for us and cake. For Christmas, we'd string up yards of popcorn and then spend most of the time pretending we weren't eating it. I loved Granny for everything she tried to do for us, all the sacrifices she made and every time she hauled my ass over the coals.

I fell in with a bad crowd despite her trying to keep me at home but I always had high hopes for myself, which I know makes me sound like I'm full of myself but I always knew I was better than prison. I did do time in juvie but it was just for stealing food and stuff that we needed. When I got out, I realized that everything I owned fit into a small backpack and it summed up my entire life. I was practically nothing but ultimately it was just the kick in the ass that I needed.

I could sing a little and I could play the guitar. But I knew that wasn't going to get me far on my own. I teamed up with some guys and we started a band going. But all the auditions, the try outs, the open mike nights... ended with jeering crowds, people not listening and hearing that 'thanks, but no thanks' plea which translates as _'get the fuck outta my club, asshole'_.

We practiced like hell; every waking moment was spent trying to find places to get a gig and somehow we ended up on Battle of the Bands. That day. That day changed my entire life. Before that, we had slowly started to get our name out onto the music scene, and I was getting used to a few of the chicks pawing at me to get attention. And yeah, dammit, I loved the attention. On the day of Battle of the Bands, a tiny, dark haired, stunningly beautiful girl in the front row caught my eye. There was something about her. She never took her eyes off of me, watching my every move. True, I shook my hips a little more in her direction and maybe made eye contact a few too many times but, I can happily admit now, I liked what I saw and apparently she did too.

I never actually intended on falling for her.

I thought she would be a quick fuck, maybe even a morning treat but when I woke up, she'd cooked me breakfast and clearly was up for more as she dragged me off to the pool for more fun. I couldn't believe my luck. Telling Casey in modest details a few hours after I left, he asked what I'd managed to lift from the house and gave me the oddest look when I said nothing and that I'd just enjoyed my time with an amazing girl.

Beca didn't know about my background then. She just accepted me as Jesse, leader singer of The Riff, where as everyone else knew me as Jesse, the troublemaker, the kid from the bad part of town. I loved how she was trying to do nice things for me, although I know now that's just her way. I started to feel, dare I say it, happy. It was like the past twenty nine years of crap meant nothing if she was my reward.

She was the hottest woman I'd ever seen. She had a kick ass job, an incredible house and a car that slipped over the asphalt like a hot knife through butter. She cooked, she danced, she sang along to the radio when she thought no one was listening, she even sat through my painfully awkward attempts to be normal when the enormity of situations came crashing down on me. She asked for nothing in return but my love.

And I betrayed her.

I partied when she went away, took drugs, drank too much. My ass got put in jail and looking back now, I deserved every single damn second of that cold bench in cell number three. At the time, I felt she owed me though. Her friends, while accepting, were too good for the likes of me. Her best friend was cold, distant and I couldn't get through to him, despite Beca's desperate reassurances that he was a good guy deep down and would eventually come around.

I fucked up. I fucked it all up.

Spending my days and nights on the streets, getting beaten up for being a bum made me realize how fucking stupid I was, how I lost the best thing that had ever happened to me. I'd lost so much already; Granny, my brothers, my mom, the most stable and comfortable home I'd ever lived in but losing Beca was the hardest thing I'd ever had to endure.

I wanted to die but my friends Jack, Jim and Jose helped me through it. I had nothing to live for, no where to go and imagined I'd be on the streets for the rest of my miserable life until that day Beca found me again.

Like the angel she is, she took me back into her home. It didn't take long for her to open her heart to me and I played the game, did as she asked, got help for my addictions and proved my worth to her. Finding a job was a huge achievement for me, especially for a kid who spent time in juvie and had no real work experience. I can admit, while it's not an exciting job nor is it going to get me far in life, it is honest pay for honest work and it meant that I could contribute a tiny bit towards the household bills. Everything was coming together so well again that I just knew Beca was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It wasn't hard to make that choice and I hoped and prayed she'd agree to spend the rest of her life with me.

She taught me to man up, work hard and began to accept my past for what it was. She didn't take my excuses or my weakness, she showed me where I had potential and where I lacked skills. And I listened, maybe for the first time in my life.

New Year's Eve was incredible and the perfect start to the rest of our lives together. January started with a bang. I was able to line up a meeting with Cynthia Rose to discuss a recording contract for the band. Beca agreed to wear my Granny's ring and wouldn't even entertain the idea of me getting her something else. But I will admit, the reason I knew that the year was going to be great was that small, rapidly growing, little nugget in Beca's belly.

I know a lot of people think that a guy can't be as involved with a pregnancy as a girl; I mean, aside from the obvious. No, we can't ever begin to understand what it feels like, what hurts, what tickles, what flutters but we see the changes in our girlfriend or wife. We see the contented smiles, the beautiful thoughts running through her mind and the yearning for the nine months to be over. We sit by and hold their hair as they puke, head out at three in the morning for a cheeseburger and rub swollen ankles.

But we also listen.

Because in the dead of night, you can hear a second heartbeat, you can see the movements as your baby rustles underneath the sheets, encased in safety in their mother's womb. You can watch as your partner reaches out a sleepy hand to calm a wiggling little nugget. And you love that tiny baby for everything they are giving to their mommy and that's when it hits you. That he or she is also a part of you and you get to start over. The baby doesn't care about your past, it's actually investing in your future. You get to make new plans, see the world through a child's eyes and get to do things that, for someone like me, was impossible just a year ago.

I'd already imagined taking my baby out in a stroller, just for a walk so Beca could get some rest. I knew I'd be around for the night feedings, the poopy diapers, the bedtime stories and everything else in between. Heck, if I was honest, I'd even thought about how I'd feel as my kid graduated. I had it all planned out, and nothing was going to change that.

And life was going ok. The band and I were ironing out the contract with Cynthia Rose, which made me so happy as I wanted to contribute more to the family budget. I wanted Beca to take the time out with the baby and not have to worry about bills as I had it covered. I wanted to paint the nursery over the last month, I had saved up the money for the paint. Casey, who was tickled about being an uncle, offered to come over and help. I'd even began to clear out the room that I knew Beca wanted to use as the nursery. It was right across the hall from the master suite and the only room Beca reassured me that Amy hadn't crop dusted.

I'd wanted to make a start while Beca was away in Las Vegas but I got caught up with a few things. I knew she wouldn't mind. I had most of the Monday to get a couple of walls painted and knew I could get a lot of the woodwork painted before she got home, later that afternoon. That is, until I got the phone call that I could just sense meant my happy bubble was potentially about to burst.

And I blamed myself for being happy.

Karma was kicking me in the balls with both feet.

In my rush to get out of the house after hanging up with Beca, I simply threw a quick change of clothes, a toothbrush and my phone charger into a backpack and ran for the door. My mind was racing despite Beca's forced calmness. I knew her well enough to know she was scared. And I was kicking myself as I pulled out of the driveway, angry that I'd let her go so far away from home on her own. Where the hell was Amy in all of this? She'd supposedly gone out there for the weekend so why was Beca on her own? What about the two women Beca was meeting up with? Where were they?

I'd gotten to the guard shack at the beginning of the gated community we lived in before I calmed down. Beca wouldn't want me angry and I breathed through the tension as I made the right onto the highway. I had a forty minute drive to LAX and careening off the road was not part of the plan. I had a crazy thought to just drive to Vegas to get to my family quicker but it was a good five hour journey and while I was stupidly alert for the time of night, three hundred miles was not an easy distance to cover.

I had to make the last flight out of LAX. I'd book a cab from the airport, straight to the hospital and I'd be there for Beca and my baby. I wasn't really a praying man, let alone any sort of religious nut but I found myself talking to God, asking him to do what He could to keep them both safe. I figured I had a one time pass, despite my checkered history where He would actually listen, rather than me have to leave a voicemail.

Oh man, I spilled my guts out in the car. I promised everything in return if this one tiny favor could be done for me. I swore I'd volunteer at the homeless shelter in return for Beca being ok and I'd take up damn crochet if it meant my son or daughter was safe. In my heart of hearts, I believe I was listened to as I felt a warmth grow between my shoulder blades that was exactly the same spot that my Granny used to rub when I was a small boy.

Granny was with me and it was all going to be ok.

The drive took forever but I made it to LAX albeit later than I thought I would. I took a couple of wrong turns coming off of the freeway and ended up in the cargo area of the airport. I was more tired than I thought and my emotional prayers and pleas had taken its toll on me. I pulled into the first available parking space, grabbed my backpack off the front seat and ran to the terminal.

I was acutely aware as I headed to the ticket counter just how empty the concourse was. The agent behind the desk looked up in surprise and I realized I must have looked a sight; the desperation must have been etched on my face as I approached him. In a rush, I explained I needed to get to Vegas an hour ago, I had no baggage to check and would sit on the toilet if I needed to.

But no matter how hard I pleaded, how much I offered to pay, I'd missed the last flight out by fifteen minutes. He was quick to offer me solutions, even called another nearby airport but there was no other option but to wait until the next flight which was in four hours.

I did the math in my head. Four hours wait could potentially mean four hours sleep and then an hour long plane ride and a probable second hour to get out of the airport to the hospital. Six hours. Yet, a voice in the back of my mind was telling me that I could drive it, if I drove above the speed limit, in less than five. And at least I'd be on the way and doing something. I could tell Beca I was coming and mean it and then hopefully she'd be the one to sleep easier.

Thanking Steve, I headed back to the car making a mental note to write to his employers to praise him for his help and understanding. I punched the hospital details into the sat navigation system and, slipping the car into drive, I drove with purpose back out on the freeway. Once I was on the interstate, I called Beca to let her know what was going on but it went straight through to voicemail. I told myself it was because she was sleeping. I left a message for her anyway.

 _"Hey baby, I hope your phone is going to voicemail because you're resting. I wanted to let you know that there's been a change of plans. I'm driving to Vegas instead. I just missed the last flight and there wasn't another one for four hours. I figured my time was better spent on the road than waiting at the airport. See you soon, I love you and Nugget more than you know."_

I hung up and concentrated on the road. While there were other driver's out like me in the middle of the night, it obviously wasn't as busy as it usually was. Staring ahead with no other distractions, I began to feel the pull on the corner of my eyes; the telltale signs I was tired. Wishing that I'd taken an extra couple of minutes to brew some coffee, I kept my eyes out for a coffee shop and decided to make a pit stop at the first one I saw.

The good thing about driving late at night was that I could use the cruise control on Beca's car. There were no cops about so I drove above the speed limit and alternated between watching the speedometer and the road in front of me. Pretty soon, I saw a sign for a Starbucks and made the sharp turn off to the small and dusty set of services that boasted restrooms. Wishing Beca was with me to share the joke, I hopped out of the car and jogged to the Starbucks.

I couldn't quite believe my luck, when I saw the 'Closed' sign hanging from the door but tugged on the door anyway. It rattled and squeaked but it was most definitely locked. Taking a step back, I looked to see if they was another branded coffee place nearby but was conscious of the fact I was losing precious minutes. Close to tears, I ran my hand through my hair and was just about to turn around to get back in the car when the door opened.

"Hello? Are you ok?" A small blonde asked as a taller guy stepped up behind her.

"Yeah, just got a crazy emergency drive to Vegas and needed some caffeine. It's ok, I see you're closed."

"We've only just closed."

"Yeah, being a few minutes late seems to be my theme of the evening."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. Don't worry. I gotta book. Thank-"

"-Wait a minute. You look like you could use some coffee. If you don't mind extra strong coffee, we brewed some for the night guard about ten minutes ago. It's still pretty hot if you want it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, of course. Come on in."

The manager, who I learned was named Sarah as soon as the lights went up, bustled behind the counter for a minute or two as the guy, whose name I never did get, went into the kitchen area at the back of the store. Within a minute or so, Sarah handed me a very large to go cup of French roast coffee and a huge carafe of, what I assumed, was the rest of the pot.

"I just need a cup." I said, fishing around in my pants for some change.

"Take it, it's yours. I'd only have to throw it out anyway." Sarah said kindly. "You look like you need it and it would be a shame to waste it, umm... " She looked at me and I knew she was asking me my name.

"Jesse. Thanks, I really appreciate it." I said, feeling the warmth spread through me. "This evening has been one hell of a shock."

"Are you ok?" She asked again.

"Yeah. My fiancée, my _pregnant_ fiancée flew out to Vegas for work and has ended up in hospital. She called for me and she's not the type to over dramatize a situation."

"Oh wow. I'm sorry to hear that. Truly. I understand the need for the coffee, that's a long trip you've got tonight."

"Yes ma'am. Look, I'd better get going."

"Yeah, I get it. Have a safe drive."

"How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house."

"Are you serious?" I asked wondering if my chat with God had made an impact. "Come on, how much do I owe you?"

"I've already closed out the register and settled the credit card machine. It's on the house." Sarah said walking back to the other side of the counter. "Here… take this too." She said handing me a couple of muffins and chicken wraps that the guy in the kitchen had warmed up for me.

"No really… this is too much. The coffee is more than enough."

"You've got a long ride ahead of you. This will keep you from having to make anymore unnecessary stops. When you get the opportunity, just pay it forward… ok?"

"Thank you. This means a lot."

"Drive safely. I'll say a prayer for you, your fiancée and your baby." Sarah told me as she walked me out the front door. "I hope everything is ok."

"Thanks Sarah. I really appreciate that and I hope that one day soon I can pay your kindness forward."

"It was really nice meeting you Jesse."

"Same here… take care."

We parted ways and I couldn't believe my luck and the kind understanding of strangers. Before pulling out of the parking lot, I made a note of the address in my phone as I know that once I'd told Beca what Sarah had done for me, she'd want to send her a thank you note or something.

I was soon back on the road and very much alone with my thoughts. The longer I drove the more my mind wandered and not to very good places. I wondered how Beca was doing. I wondered if I'd lose Beca or if I'd lose both Beca and the baby. I couldn't let any of those things happen. Pounding on the steering wheel, I made a vow that when Beca was released from the hospital, I would do everything in my power to make the rest of her pregnancy as comfortable and worry free as possible.

My mind wandered to an event from a few weeks ago, something I hadn't told Beca about yet. I had intended to, I didn't like keeping secrets from her but it was something so huge, I didn't know where to start. I'd gotten home that night, sporting a couple of bruises that I needed to hide and a small knife nick in my gut that took a few days to heal. I wasn't ready to tell her about it just yet but I virtually kicked myself for not telling her immediately and now she's in the hospital. She's fragile and I probably shouldn't tell her right now.

I continued to drive like a bat out of hell, the hum of the road and music playing in the car doing absolutely nothing to calm my rapidly fraying nerves. I needed to get to Vegas as soon as I possibly could, Beca needed me and if I was honest, I needed her. With each mile I drove, I realized just how much I missed Beca and would occasionally glance over at the navigation screen to see how much longer it would be before I would be arriving in Vegas. Then I wondered… _'Should I call Anne and Will? Or should I wait until I know more?'_

* * *

 **~Beca's POV~**

"Well Beca, the baby sounds good. The heartbeat is strong and steady." Dr. Jackson told me. "I know it's hard but you need to try and relax. Your blood pressure is elevated and we really don't want you to get sick or pass out." He said kindly. "I'm going to do an ultrasound for you and then I'd like you to get some rest."

In that moment, I released the air I'd been holding onto and immediately breathed a sigh of relief. My baby was ok… for now and hopefully, he or she would stay that way for the foreseeable future. In such a short amount of time, this baby had come to mean the world to me and I realized that I'd do anything to keep it safe. I vowed to stand on my head for the next nineteen and a half weeks if it meant that my baby was safe.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother and I always knew that I would that I would be the fierce momma bear that my own mother was and still is. My mom would walk to the end of the Earth across broken glass and hot coals for me and though I've only known this baby for a short time, I'd do the same thing.

Suddenly I remembered something that I hadn't thought about in years then I wondered why I hadn't thought about it when Jesse and I were discussing baby names. I had often wondered what baby brain was and I now had a small inkling! When I was fifteen years old we went to the beach for a long weekend. While laying on the beach with Amy and Aubrey, I noticed a family with two little girls, one of the girls was about three years old and the other was about five years old. The girls began screaming as they threw a handfuls of sand at each other. When the mom saw what they were doing, she called out _"Molly! Arabella! Stop that!"_ and I thought, _'What beautiful names?'_ as I watched them play.

For whatever reason, when we got home from that trip, I looked up the meanings of the names Molly and Arabella and was pleasantly surprised to find out what the names meant. Molly means 'wished for child' and Arabella means 'beautiful answer to prayer'. From that moment on, I started praying that one day, when the time was right, that I would have a daughter and we would have a relationship like the one I have with my mom.

Fast forward to today and I'm not only fighting for my own life but for the life of my unborn baby. Any false or sudden moves could result in a further rupture of my placenta and one or both of us could die. As I lay here with nothing else to do, I'm forced to remember a bible verse I learned in religion class when I was ten years old, _"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart"_.

Since I've been forced to slow down and just lay here unable to do anything but think, I've been reminded of a faithful God who does, in fact, give us the desires of our hearts. Not only did I start praying for my pregnancy, but I prayed for a happy, healthy baby. God just had to hear my prayers and my pleas… right? It was in those quiet, peaceful, prayerful moments that I decided if this baby was a girl, her name would be Molly Arabella. It was a name that I was sure Jesse would love, especially given the current circumstances.

"Beca… I'm just going to draw some blood now." Ginger told me as she gently rubbed my upper arm and snapped me out of my thoughts. I hadn't even heard her come in.

Turning my head toward the windows, I straightened my arm toward Ginger and said, "Sure, do whatever you need to."

Dr. Jackson was completely unfazed by our brief exchange and continued with the ultrasound. He was being very thorough but wasn't saying much, only stopping to make notes in my chart.

As much as I wanted to know the baby's gender, I refrained from asking. Now wasn't the time and really, Jesse should be with me when we found out. I laid there silently wondering how long it would be before Jesse got here and if he had been able to catch a flight. Not long after thinking about Jesse, I thought I heard my phone ringing but couldn't get to it at the time.

I'm not one to admit fear but this was one of those times when I had to pull my head out of my own ass and admit that I was scared shitless. The pain in my abdomen was starting to dull but it never really went away. I could feel the baby kicking and hear its heartbeat so I just kept telling myself that was a good sign.

Dr. Jackson stood up and carefully wiped the gel from my belly. As he made a few more notes in my chart, he told me that we'd know more after the blood tests came back and that he wanted to continue to monitor me and the baby throughout the night. He told me that laying on my left side would increase blood flow and help with the pain. After giving me some medication for the pain, Ginger helped me get comfortable. They left the room, promising to be back in a hour to check on me and the baby and update me on our progress.

As I laid there on my left side, with my knees bent and a pillow between my legs, just as I was instructed, fear coursed through me as I wondered what would happen if I moved. Rubbing my belly, I also wondered if the doctor had told me everything or had he sugar coated things in hopes of keeping me calm? The only thing keeping me from completely losing my mind was the soothing sound of my baby's heartbeat. It was strong, loud and most of all it was steady… that had to mean something, at least that's what I kept telling myself.

"It's just you and me Nugget." I whispered softly, trying not to sound scared. I'm not sure who I was trying to convince, myself or the baby. "Daddy will be here soon."

I wasn't sure if I was finally giving in to exhaustion or if the medication was taking over, but I had to admit that I really didn't care. I was tired. For the first time in hours, I finally felt myself relaxing enough to drift off into a semi peaceful sleep. As I did, I prayed that the worst was over and that when I woke up, Jesse would be sitting in the chair next to my bed, ready to take me and our little nugget home. I missed him immensely.

I wasn't sleeping long when I heard the door open and someone walk in. Slowly I opened my eyes and turned just my head to look over my shoulder to see who was coming into the darkened room. Before my eyes could adjust, I called out, "Jess?"

"No, Beca… it's only me." Ginger said as she entered the room, flipping on the small light on the bedside table.

"Has it been an hour already?" I asked groggily.

"A little longer actually." Ginger said as she placed a tray on the rolling table at the foot of my bed. "I needed to check on you and then I realized that I hadn't asked you when the last time you'd eaten was so I thought you might like a little snack."

"That's really sweet. Is it ok to sit up?"

"Yes, I'll help you." Ginger carefully helped me roll over and adjusted the bed to a sitting position before pulling the tray closer to me. "It's only juice, fruit salad and some toast but it'll hold you over until breakfast."

"Thank you." I said thankful for the snack and for the fact that it was light since I wasn't in the habit of eating anything in the middle of the night.

Ginger watched me for a moment before stopping to ask me a couple of questions. "How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?"

Taking a deep breath, I put my fork down on the tray and wiped my mouth with a napkin. "The pain has subsided. It's more of a dull ache right now."

"That's good. It means the medication is working." She said with a smile as she checked the monitors and made a few notes. "Ok, I'll leave you to it. If you need anything just hit the call button and I'll be back." She said as she walked toward the door.

"Wait… Ginger, please don't go."

"Are you feeling ok? Do you need something?" She said quickly, spinning around to face me.

"Just some company, if you don't mind." I said shyly. Usually I was one who could spend hours alone and it wouldn't faze me in the least but right now I needed to know that I wasn't by myself.

"Sure. I can stay for a few minutes."

"You won't get into trouble, will you?"

"No, everyone else is asleep and if I'm needed Carrie knows where to find me." Ginger said pulling the chair up to the side of the bed and taking a seat. "Have you heard from your fiancé?"

"I heard my phone go off earlier but I haven't checked it. I'm sure he's on the way though."

"Sounds like a good guy."

"He's had a rough life. Things haven't been easy for him."

"Oh… How so?" Ginger asked, sounding truly interested.

"He was raised by his grandmother because his mother was a crack whore. She died a long time ago and until recently we didn't even know who his father was. He got into trouble, spent some time in juvie, fell into more bad luck but with some support from me, he's finally finding his way and putting his stamp on the world through his music." I said without realizing until afterwards how callous it sounded. "Until now, he really had no idea what the meaning of real family was."

"That's sad but it sounds like he's doing well."

"He is now." I admitted. "He's only been out of rehab for a few months."

"If you don't mind me asking, what was he in rehab for?"

"Drugs and alcohol but he's been doing really well. He goes to meetings and sees his sponsor once a week." When I realized how much information I had divulged I decided to change the subject. "So… what about you? Do you have a family?"

Ginger smiled. "Yes. My husband Dan and I have been together for eight years. We have five year old twin boys, Hudson and Holden and a two year old daughter named Harper."

"Oh wow! You have your hands full."

"I do but I wouldn't have it any other way." Ginger said. "Is this your first baby?"

Tears welled in my eyes as I rubbed my belly. "Yes and I'm so looking forward to meeting this little nugget."

"I remember that feeling with both of my pregnancies. Being a mommy is the hardest and most rewarding job there is."

"I can't wait."

Silence filled the room for several minutes. It was like neither of us knew how to carry the conversation any further with the elephant in the room. I was looking forward to motherhood but we were still unsure if I'd stay pregnant or for how long. I felt like a ticking time bomb.

"Ginger, I want to ask you something and even if the truth hurts I want you to tell me."

"Ok, I'll do my best."

I didn't mince words, but rather cut to the chase. "Am I going to lose my baby?"

"Right now, everything looks good. We're managing your pain and y-"

"-I need to mentally prepare myself for whatever is going to happen. You're a mother, please put yourself in my place."

"Beca, none of us knows what tomorrow will bring. Right now, everything is fine, and we have to hope and pray that it stays that way."

"Ok. When will Dr. Jackson get the results back?"

"It shouldn't be too much longer."

"And you'll come back with the results as soon as he has them?"

"I will."

"Thank you for sitting with me. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome Beca. I'm going to let you get some rest and will be by to check on you soon."

* * *

 **~Jesse's POV~**

Everything had been smooth sailing on my drive until I got just past Halloran Springs. For more than forty miles there was ongoing road construction which brought all three lanes of interstate traffic down to just one. Because it was a construction zone, monitored by the police, I was forced to slow down from eighty five miles an hour to a mere thirty. I felt like I was going nowhere, like the car wasn't even moving. It was almost two in the morning and these guys were out on the road working like it was two in the afternoon. I was sure that I was going to go absolutely stir crazy as the car coasted along the road.

As I approached Mountain Pass I could see that I was almost past the construction. The closer I got the further away I felt. Once I was beyond the all of the construction, I continued to drive carefully for another mile, just to be sure that there weren't any cops around then I gunned the car in an effort to make up valuable time. At the rate I was going, I wouldn't get to the hospital until five in the morning and the damn construction added an hour to the already long drive.

My thoughts soon drifted to Beca and the baby. I hadn't heard from her in hours and hoped like hell that no news was good news. I hoped that it meant she and the baby were and that this was just a close call. When we got home, I'd call Sawyer to fill him in and hopefully, he'd agree with me that Beca needed to take a few days off to rest. She had more sick and vacation time than God and she needed to start taking some time off.

I looked at the navigation screen and was relieved to find that I had less than an hour to Vegas. Less than an hour! There was finally light at the end of the tunnel. It also meant that I'd soon be able to breathe again, if only I didn't have to stop and pee.

After a brief stop, I was back on the road and luck was no longer on my side. I could see the strip, the lights were bright enough to land planes but I couldn't get to where I needed to be because of a fatality accident. In addition to all the lights of the strip, there were lights from fire trucks, police cars and several ambulances.

Everything seemed to be conspiring against me.

I heard my phone ding and patted the seat next to me for the device. Thinking it was Beca, I quickly swiped the screen without taking my eyes off of the road. Pressing the left hand side button, the phone's metallic voice read out the message.

 _"Hey stud, whatcha doin'?"_

Confused, I looked down at the phone and was surprised to see that the message was from Pepper. Slowing the car down a little, I typed out a quick reply.

 _"Pepper, this is Jesse. I think you have the wrong number."_

 _"No, I definitely have the right number. I was just thinking about you."_

 _"You don't usually send text messages. You call me."_

 _"Well, maybe I wanted to try something new. You usually like it when we try new things."_

 _"It's not a good idea to text right now."_

 _"But I'm lonely. Call me."_

 _"It's late. I'm in bed."_

 _"No, you're not."_

 _"Um, what?"_

 _"You aren't home. I already tried coming by the house. I know Beca is outta town."_

 _"How did you get past the guard shack?"_

 _"As you already know, I can be very persuasive."_

Needing to knock Pepper down a few pegs, I dialed her number and prayed that she'd answer quickly. Pepper excitedly picked up on the second ring.

"Hey babe!" She said excitedly.

"Pepper, what do you want?"

"You know what I want Jesse."

"Not now."

"You keep saying that. I can't wait forever."

"This is ridiculous. I told you where I stand."

"Where are you anyway?"

"Headed to Vegas."

"At this hour? Why?"

"Pepper, why are you-"

"-Have you told Beca about me?"

"What?"

"Have you?"

"There's nothing to tell."

"We'll see what she had to say about that, shall we?"

"What ... there's nothing ... hello? Pepper? Hello?"

I looked at my phone and saw that she'd cleared the call. The chick was crazy but I needed to keep her on my side to get the recording contact since Cynthia Rose was unwilling to bend. After that I had every intention of cutting her loose and doing my own thing with the guys but for now, I was going to be selfish.

As I sat and watched the clock, I couldn't believe that if I had just stayed at the airport and waited for that flight I was offered, that I'd already be with Beca or would I? Suddenly it hit me like a shit ton of bricks… what hospital did Beca say that she went to? Was it Desert Valley? Sunrise Springs? Vegas Springs? Why hadn't I asked her to to text me the hospital information? Shit! What the fuck is the name of the damn hospital?

After calling Beca twice and getting no answer, I decided that I'd just have to stop at every damn hospital in close proximity to the strip. Traffic was finally starting to move, albeit slowly due to bottlenecking no doubt, but at least it was moving.

I'd just typed in 'hospital' into the navigation system and followed it to the closest hospital, hoping that the first one was the right one. But according to the navigation system, there are quite a few hospitals… just my fucking luck. I'm prepared to go to each and every one of them in order to find my girl.

I pulled into the parking lot of the fourth hospital, I parked in the first and closest spot I could find then jumped out of the car and sprinted towards the door. As soon as I was inside, I located the front desk and began my quest to find Beca.

"Good evening sir. What's your emergency?"

Looking at the lady, I noticed her name tag. "Gloria, I need to find my fiancée."

"What's her name?"

"Beca… Rebeca. One c."

"Does Beca… Rebeca with one c have a middle initial and a last name?"

"Oh yeah… umm, Swanson."

"And the middle initial?"

"Shit! I don't remember her middle name."

"Well Mr..."

"Swanson… Jesse Swanson."

"I'm sorry Mr. Swanson, we don't have a Rebeca, with one c, no middle initial, last name Swanson as a registered patient."

"Elizabeth! Her middle name is Elizabeth!"

"I'm sorry sir, I don't have a Rebeca Elizabeth Swanson in the system."

"Mitchell…"

"Mitchell?"

"Her last name! Her last name is Mitchell, not Swanson. She won't be Swanson until May." I was rambling and Gloria, was rolling her eyes. "I'm sorry, would you please check again."

Gloria shook her head as she typed the information into the computer. "Rebeca, with one c, Elizabeth Mitchell." She said as she typed. "I'm sorry Mr. Swanson, she's not here."

"FUCK!"

Finding Beca was going to be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Why wouldn't she just answer her damn phone? She had to know I'd be worried sick and that there was no way on Earth that I would know what hospital she was in.

"Mr. Swanson… would you like me to call Desert Springs for you? She might be there."

"Yes, please and thank you."

After several agonizing minutes, Gloria told me that Beca was in fact, at Desert Springs and under the care of Dr. Jackson. She wrote down the address and even gave me Beca's room number. I thanked Gloria profusely and apologized for my caveman like behavior before handing her a twenty dollar bill and telling her to "enjoy breakfast on me."

"Good luck Mr. Swanson! I hope and pray that Beca is ok." She called after me.

I found her! I finally found her. I entered the hospital address into the navigation system and I was on my way, pleased to find that I was less than five minutes from where I needed to be.

As I pulled into the parking garage, I parked in an "expectant parents" parking space and took a moment to collect myself. I couldn't let Beca see me this upset. She would already be disappointed that it literally took forever for me to get here, so going in scared and on edge wasn't going to help matters at all.

Grabbing my backpack and cellphone, I exited the car and made my way into the hospital. My legs felt like they were moving at warp speed yet I didn't seem to be going anywhere. Once I was in the elevator, I thanked God that I only had to go to the third floor because the damn thing seemed to be moving in slow motion.

Finally! The third floor! Sweet Jesus that elevator ride was the longest elevator ride in history! Now, to find Beca and room 307…

When I arrived at her room, I double checked that her name was on the door and took a deep breath before knocking softly and walking in. The room was quiet, peaceful and serene, softly lit by the lamp on the bedside table and the sun as it began to peek through the open window blinds, revealing the most beautiful sunrise over Sin City. Beca lay perfectly still, curled up on her left side facing the wall of windows, her back to the door.

"Beca?"


	25. Chapter 24: Young and Yearning

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to you Corinne. You know why. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Chapter 24  
** **Jesse's POV  
** **o~O~o**

"Beca?"

I'd never seen a room look so peaceful, so still and so serene. I hated that the noise of me entering the room might wake her up. I slipped my backpack off of my shoulder and quietly set it down by the chair in the corner. I wondered if I could catch a half an hour nap before she woke up. I wanted to be ready to help and run out for coffee, tea, bagels or anything else she wanted.

I needed to do my part, however late I was to this particular party. I heard movement in the room next door and the soft wailing of a newborn a few doors down, crying out at the shock of being forced to enter the world.

I inwardly smiled to myself. I was so looking forward to holding my baby in my arms and I was hoping Beca would wake me up with the news that I could take her home soon. Thinking everything through as I sat in the rocking chair near the foot of her bed, I wondered whether I should book a hotel room for that night so we could both relax before going back home tomorrow. I really didn't fancy the long drive home, although I was glad I'd brought the car since flying might not be an option.

I looked over at her, lying so quietly, so still. She had an IV attached to the back of her hand and I was mesmerized temporarily as I watched the slow drip, drip, drip as the solution filtered into her veins. I was so glad she'd had the sense to get to the hospital where she could get the care she needed. I knew she already loved the baby more than life itself and it gave me comfort to know she was willing to do anything, despite her hating hospitals, to keep our child alive.

I closed my eyes for a moment, the memory of the day that Beca told me that I was going to be a dad washed over me, filling me with the same rush of emotion... pure joy. The thought of whether we were doing the right thing never even entered my head.

* * *

" _Wow! Just... wow." I breathed out evenly as I lifted my eyes to meet Beca's. Wiping a bead of sweat from my forehead, I blinked a couple of times before locking eyes with her; the truthful reality sunk in quicker than cold butter on a hot baked potato. "Are you sure?"_

" _I haven't been to the doctor yet but I'm pretty sure." Beca said, nodding gently to confirm her own suspicions._

" _So, I'm really gonna be a dad?" I asked, my eyes brimming with unspent tears._

" _Yeah." Beca replied, unable to get a clear read on my emotions._

" _Beca...?"_

" _What?"_

" _I'm gonna be a dad!" I said, my voice rising steadily as the news began to sink in. I reached for Beca's hand and pulled her to her feet, wrapping my arms around her back and pulling her tightly towards me._

* * *

I didn't deserve to be this happy. I was sincerely looking forward to giving my fiancee a huge hug when she woke up. I yawned a couple of times and tucked my head onto my shoulder for a quick nap… that wasn't meant to be.

Something woke me just a couple of minutes later. I thought Beca might have started to wake up but she hadn't moved, she hadn't turned nor had she acknowledged my presence in the room. I didn't mind, hoping, with any luck at all, that if I had disturbed her, she would go back off to sleep.

I needed to use the restroom, and as I stood, feeling pretty groggy, I kicked my backpack over. Knowing I was going to trip over it a dozen more times before the day was over, I thought it was best to put my backpack in the cabinet out of the way. As I walked over towards the cabinet at the foot of Beca's bed, I could hear her singing softly. It sounded like she was singing in her sleep; it was so gentle and soft so I stood for a moment, before slowly making my way towards her again.

 _ **"Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)"  
**_ _ **By: The Dixie Chicks**_

" _Dragon tales and the "water is wide"  
_ _Pirate's sail and lost boys fly  
_ _Fish bite moonbeams every night  
_ _And I love you_

 _Godspeed, little man  
_ _Sweet dreams, little man  
_ _Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings  
_ _Godspeed  
_ _Sweet dreams_

 _The rocket racer's all tuckered out  
_ _Superman's in pajamas on the couch  
_ _Goodnight moon, will find the mouse  
_ _And I love you_

 _Godspeed, little man  
_ _Sweet dreams, little man  
_ _Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings  
_ _Godspeed  
_ _Sweet dreams_

 _God bless Mommy and matchbox cars  
_ _God bless Daddy and thanks for the stars  
_ _God hears "Amen," wherever we are  
_ _And I love you_

 _Godspeed, little man  
_ _Sweet dreams, little man  
_ _Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings_

 _Godspeed  
_ _Godspeed  
_ _Godspeed  
_ _Sweet dreams"_

 _ **o~O~o**_

I leaned over her, preparing myself to give her a kiss, to say good morning. Instead, I felt everything within me, inside my core, flushing red hot with adrenaline and icy cold from shocked surprise. I had no idea what was going on or what was happening right now. I thought Beca was asleep, and instead she was lying stock still in bed, holding something so very, very small.

There, nestled in the crook of Beca left arm was a very tiny, very beautiful baby boy wrapped in a little blue and white blanket with puppies on it. It took me a full thirty seconds for everything I was seeing to register before I realized that what she was holding so very tenderly was, in fact, my son.

My emotions were all over the map. I didn't know if I was excited. Or if I was scared. Perhaps I was angry. I stood for a few more seconds, gulping through the emotions. I suddenly felt everything but happiness. Most of all I was pissed that I hadn't made it in time to see the baby being born. I was so disappointed that I'd let Beca down and I was angry that she had to go through everything alone.

Then it dawned on me… like a bullet through my brain, that they were both lying too still for everything to be all right. She hadn't even turned her head to look at me and there was no way on Earth that the baby was ok. I started doing the math in my head… Beca was only about twenty weeks and five days along, just slightly more than halfway through her pregnancy. I'd read the books and I knew that there was no way that a baby born at less than twenty five weeks had any real chance of survival.

' _What the fuck am I looking at here?'_ I asked myself.

As I looked around, there wasn't a crib in the room. There were no wires or tubes on our premature son, he wasn't in an incubator or receiving any sort of assistance. Looking at the baby again, I realized… that his tiny chest wasn't moving. Our baby… our son was already gone.

Gone, before I had gotten the chance to meet him.

Bile rose in my throat. Thick chunks of fear made me cough and gag. This wasn't right. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I was supposed to teach him to ride a bike, play football, climb a tree. My role was to nurture, to provide for, to protect, not stand by and watch as his perfect little soul transported itself up to Heaven.

Had he taken a breath? Had he made a sound? Had he moved at all? Had he known his mother before he passed? Had Beca been left alone by choice? Had she made everyone else leave? Why wasn't I doing anything?

I just stood there, paralyzed, not really knowing what else to do. Beca looked so tiny and broken lying in the giant hospital bed, her eyes firmly closed and the only part of her moving was her chest, heaving with each breath as she obviously struggled to maintain her rhythm. I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything would be ok, but in my heart I knew that was lie. Everything was different now and I wasn't sure that it would ever go back to the way it was.

Realizing I had been standing there far too long to be acceptable, I stepped right up to the bed and laid my hand on her side, hoping to stir her. I rubbed my hand over her hip and waist and swallowed down the lump in my throat that was threatening to choke me. I didn't have time to think about me right now, this had to be about her.

"Beca… I'm here." I said, not knowing what to say. Everything was just going to seem so stupid right now.

She didn't acknowledge me.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. I tried to get here quicker but the traffic was..." I hated the way it sounded like I was making excuses.

Still nothing.

"Did you get my voicemail?" I pleaded, hoping she had so she knew I was trying my best to get to her as soon as possible. She opened her eyes but didn't look at me, just stared at the beautiful little person on the bed next to her.

"Beca… are you listening?" I tried a different tactic, starting to feel a little angry myself. She had chosen to go away from home when she was twenty weeks pregnant. I told her my concerns but she went anyway, completely dismissing my feelings about the matter. This was all _her_ fault!

' _Swallow it Swanson.'_ I told myself. ' _Now is not the time for blame. Find out what happened and protect your fiancee. Man the fuck up you asshole!'_

"Baby, can you hear me?" I felt the tears begin to sting the corner of my eyes and I willed them not to fall. I took my hand off of her hip and walked around to the other side of the bed. I tried so hard not to look at the baby again; doing so might have me fall apart right there and then.

I crouched down and looked directly into Beca's eyes. She wasn't looking at me, I didn't seem to register even in her peripheral vision. She blinked slowly and I noticed immediately that the sparkle in her eyes was gone. Her usually pale skin was almost white and the dark circles under her eyes made my heart ache even more. I had to get through to her. I was here for her and she didn't have to go through this alone. I knew she'd shut down before, the last time I'd let her down, and all I could hope was that she didn't blame me right now.

"Beca… please."

Nothing. She said nothing. Not a word. I reached out my hand again, desperate to do something, anything to get her to react. I stroked her foot, the only part I could reach from where I was squatting. She recoiled her foot and I took the hint.

"Baby, talk to me. Don't shut me out. Please. I love you."

A short gasp sounded from her and my eyes met with hers for the first time, although I do think she actually looked _through_ me rather than at me. She began to cry and then I really didn't know what to do.

Her body was wracked with sobs and sniffles, and quite honestly, I felt worse than I did before. I've never seen her this way, of course, she's never lost a baby before either.

But neither had I. And I needed _her_ right now. I wanted to hold _my_ son. I had to have some answers for the ache in my chest that was beginning to really hurt. I stood up, hoping she would react as I pushed a few strands of hair away from her face. My heart broke as I watched her jaw clench in reaction to me touching her.

I looked down at the tiny body on the bed and my arms ached to hold him, to tell him how sorry I am for all that has happened and more importantly, to let him know, somehow, that his daddy loved him.

"Can I-" I started to ask Beca as I tried to touch the baby, wanting to peel the blanket away so I could get a better look at his face. Without a word, she pushed my hand away, never taking her eyes off of the baby. As I looked on, watching the two most important people in my life, I could feel my heart breaking into millions of pieces.

At this point, other than pushing my hand away, Beca still hadn't properly acknowledged my presence in the room. She never took her eyes off the baby. He was laid on the bed, safely in the crook of her arm and she gently stroked his tiny little face.

I leaned down and kissed Beca's forehead and cheeks, her cheeks tasted salty from the tears that stained her face. Slowly backing away, I took the chair next to the bed and for the first time since I arrived, I really took in the sight of my son. He was no bigger than the size of my hand and his skin was so thin and delicate. I'd never know the color of his eyes or know if he'd inherited my curly hair or Beca's strong waves. His tiny mouth was formed a little 'O' and I could see he'd inherited my chin. To me, he was absolutely perfect.

I'm alone and left with my thoughts, wondering what happened.

Beca wouldn't talk, no matter how hard I tried, she just wouldn't speak so I sat in silence, watching… waiting… hoping… praying for a miracle, for someone to shake my shoulder and wake me from this horrible dream I was so sure I'd fallen into. I needed someone to talk to and thought about calling Casey. Then it dawned on me, I needed to call Anne and Will. It was no longer a matter of if I should call them but when. I needed more information before I could do that though and figured I'd go in search of a nurse soon.

As I sat there not knowing what else to do, I began to feel so helpless. Moments later I heard a light tap on the door and the creak of the door opening. A nurse with a very sweet, solemn face came into view, I was about to speak when she saw me.

"Oh! Hello… I'm Ginger." She said quietly, beckoning me over before closing the door behind her. I stood and walked towards the chair I first sat in, where I ridiculously thought I was going to nap until I realized my son had been born.

"Hello, I'm Beca's fia… I'm the baby's fath… I'm too late. I just… I drove and I'm too ... " Dropping my head in my hands as I fell into the chair. I just couldn't manage to finish a single thought or sentence. My son was gone and my fiancee wasn't speaking to me. It was simply too much.

"Are you Jesse?" Ginger asked softly as she slowly approached Beca's bedside to check on her. She turned back to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. Never before had I been so grateful for human contact.

Looking up into her apologetic eyes, I finally found my voice. "Yes, I am."

"It's a pleasure to meet you though I wish it were under different circumstances." Ginger admitted. "Beca spoke of you very fondly last night. We spent some time talking."

"Umm… can I ask you some questions?" I asked, the threat of tears present again.

"Sure. I'll do my best to answer them." Ginger said, keeping an eye on Beca as we spoke.

"What happened? Beca is unable to tell me and I need to know. I have to call her parents and they'll demand details."

"Beca's placenta ruptured." Ginger explained.

"What does that mean?"

"A placental abruption occurs when the placenta partially or completely separates from the uterus. It can deprive the baby of oxygen and nutrients, and cause severe bleeding that can be dangerous to both the mother and the baby. It also increases the risk that the baby will have growth problems, can be born prematurely, or be stillborn. I know it's a lot to take in and I'll be happy to talk you through it as many times as you need me to."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Glancing over at Beca and the baby, I asked. "Was he... stillborn?"

"No, he was born alive at 2:47 this morning."

"How long has he been gone?"

"He passed around 2:51am. He was alive for less than five minutes."

"How long has Beca been like this?"

Ginger took a deep breath. "Since the baby passed. We did everything we could, he just came too early. I'm so sorry."

"Was Beca alone when the baby passed?"

"No, I've been with her since she arrived. I just stepped out to fill in some paperwork."

"Thank you." I said and blindly reached out my hand to grasp hers.

"Have you held him yet?"

"No. I tried but..." I trailed off. I didn't want to upset Beca, she'd been through an emotional trauma that I couldn't possibly comprehend.

Ginger nodded, then walked over to check Beca's vitals and wrote a few things in her chart. "Beca, sweetie, Jesse is here. Can he hold the baby?"

Beca nodded her head and closed her eyes. Tears streamed down her face as Ginger lifted the baby's body from the bed, tucked the blanket around him to keep him safe and then she carefully placed him in my arms for the first time. He was so tiny, such a new and wanted little life yet, it was cut short and as his father, there was absolutely nothing I could do to bring him back.

"Jesse, just thought you should know, Beca hasn't had anything for the pain in hours. She delivered the baby naturally, refusing all medications once we realized that we couldn't stop her labor."

"That sounds like her. She can be pretty stubborn."

"She handled it beautifully, although very distressed, she understood there was nothing we could do to stop it. She did everything we told her to do to prevent this from happening and we had a team standing by to take him to the NICU, just in case, but while he took a strong breath when he came out, he was struggling. The decision was made to let him go and Beca held him the whole time."

"Did she... was I... did she ask... umm..."

"Did she ask for you?" Ginger asked the question that I couldn't find the words to ask.

"Yeah."

"She did. She knew you were trying to get here. We tried to call you but the line was busy and then there wasn't time, things started happening very quickly. She has refused to speak to anyone and while I have encouraged her to make some calls, she has rejected the idea."

"I'll do that. I'll make the calls." I said, the guilt flushing over me at the thought that I had probably been on the phone with Pepper when Beca tried to call me.

"It may not seem like it yet, but you'll both get through this. In time."

"I'll do what I need to for Beca. You have my word on that."

"She's a very special girl."

"Yes ma'am. She really is. She's my life." I said, my voice faltering at the end.

I couldn't believe we were talking about Beca like she was the one that was no longer with us. She was lying right there in the bed, sobbing, soaked from her own tears and we were talking about her like she's wasn't there.

Before excusing herself from the room, Ginger turned and said, "If either of you need anything, please hit the call button. I'll be right outside at the nurses station."

"Thank you… for everything."

As the door clicked shut, I looked down at my baby boy and my flood gates fell open. I couldn't believe that this beautiful little life was given to us then taken away so soon.

 _This_ is what pure torture felt like.

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Beca's POV  
o~O~o**

In my life, I've been known to handle just about anything thrown my way with confidence, ease and unflappable understanding. Sawyer had been known to call me at 4:30 in the morning with crazy ideas and then expect me to have coffee and donuts ready for a 7am team meeting where we would discuss all the pros and cons of his cockamamie idea.

Any time that Luke needed me to unBritishify his terribly proper ass, I was there. I was there even when he didn't need me. Ok, maybe that wasn't always completely true. This last year, I've been a shitty friend more than I've been a good one. But I know deep down that he would say that it's okay as long as he gets his shitty friend year another time. And I'll handle it when the time comes.

Although it took a while, I managed to get over the disappointment that Jesse caused when he went off the rails. I questioned my intentions when it came to our relationship, especially after finding out that he was partying it up while I was busting my ass at work. Our break-up, while extremely difficult on both of us, was probably the best thing that could have ever happened. After finding Jesse on the street, he agreed to get clean and sober. With my help, he's done just that. He's been doing well and holding up his end of the deal as far as his rehabilitation. He got a job and has gladly gone to work everyday with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. And if he goes off the rails again, I'll handle it.

I'm used to working crazy hours without any time off, let alone a real vacation. I spend all day at the office, then come home and cook homemade meals from scratch because I like it and I find it therapeutic. I can survive on little sleep for weeks on end without any real downtime. I can deal with my parents overprotectiveness and my mother's disapproval of my choice of men and laundry detergent. I can handle life.

But I can't handle _this_.

Two days ago, I was watching a show on the Las Vegas Strip, protecting my dinner from being eaten by Amy and fending off her grabby hands from wanting to see how big my boobs had gotten since becoming pregnant. I was on a high, having watched Emily perform like a pro and finding a decent selection of new acts to talk offer contracts to.

While I missed Jesse, I was enjoying some time away from the everyday grind. Amy and I had eaten more than we should have, tried on dresses for the wedding and walked for what seemed like miles. The weather was perfect and even though I was tired, I wouldn't have changed any of it. I hadn't overdone it or messed around, I avoided all the foods Dr. Kaiser told me to even though I was craving soft cheese. I hadn't lifted anything too heavy though I had spent a good deal of time on my feet. I showered in water that was just right, slept with my feet raised and took my vitamins.

But now… now, I'm just a crying, sobbing, tear stained mess that seems to have lost the ability to speak, put together a coherent thought or seemingly function without help. And my life and everything around me all changed within a matter of moments. How can a life that seemed so perfect on paper be turned on it's head so quickly? How does life go from idyllic and envied with the promise of all things wonderful to broken and shattered in the blink of an eye? My son was a surprise but he was so wanted and so loved. I'm tired and I feel lost, lonely and most of all empty. Just twenty four hours ago my son was safely ensconced in my womb and happily kicking around without a care in the world; neither of us knowing what tomorrow would bring.

My chest hurts, my heart aches and no amount of pain meds can help me. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure that this is something I'll ever get over and right now, I wish it were me who was dead. I've known people who have lost children before and they seemed to function ok so why have I fallen apart so badly? I can't even bring myself to say anything out loud. It's like my brain stopped sending the signals to my mouth to make it move, and that's definitely not a problem I've ever had before. I usually have a problem with thinking something and having those thoughts immediately fall out of my mouth. Somehow, somewhere I seem to have found my missing filter.

As I lay here watching Jesse with our tiny, lifeless son, I'm forced to wonder if things would have ended differently had he been here. If only I had been able to hold on for another few weeks he would have had a chance. Had getting on the plane caused this? I'd packed light so I didn't have to manage heavy luggage and used the luggage carts at the hotel to prevent over straining myself. Amy had carried all the shopping bags and insisted on walking a step ahead to keep anyone on the crowded street from walking into me. I'd eaten well, drank plenty of water and slept as much as I could, although granted a couple of extra hours wouldn't have hurt. I'd called Dr. Kaiser as soon as I could and I had taken her advice. I'd followed Dr. Jackson's instructions and let Ginger look after me. I'd done everything right.

I'd rested, tried to relax and laid the way I was told to. So, why, just half an hour after Ginger had left the room after she'd told me about her family, had a searing pain torn through me causing me to scream in agony? Why, upon rushing into my room did Ginger find me in blood soaked sheets, writhing in agony and sweating with the pain? Why didn't the powerful concoction of tocolytics and magnesium sulphate work? I heard Ginger and Dr. Jackson talking about it possibly being too early for the baby to cope with it but I was distracted by the powerful contractions rippling through me at the time. Why? Everything was supposed to be okay! Why could they not stop my labor? I'd heard them say that they were really surprised at the speed of my labor and delivery. Why could they not save my little boy? Why did this have to happen? Why? I didn't want to have to push the little guy out but my body took over and forced me to. I didn't want to feel so fucking alone. I'm not a bad person. I didn't deserve this. Jesse didn't deserve this. My parents didn't deserve this. Oh my God... my parents.

I want to tell Jesse to call them. To tell them the news that I am not ready to share. My mother, although mortified at first, had, according to my father, been buying baby clothes and gifts and putting them away for weeks. How can I possibly break the news to them that the dream is over. Jesse needs to call Aubrey because even though I haven't spoken to her in weeks, she needs to know. He also has to call Amy before she hears it from someone else. And of course, he has to call Luke.

Hot tears fall from my eyes as I think about my baby's Godfather. Luke would never have let my baby down, he would have treated him like a son, a friend and an extension of me. He would have taken him for the night if Jesse and I had to be somewhere. He would have been there for every birthday, every Christmas, every Easter and every school play and piano recital. And that had been taken away from Luke as well. Luke was the second person to know that I was pregnant. He was the one who told me that I had to give Jesse a chance to prove he was capable of being a father. And Luke was right, Jesse _had_ stepped up. Until he took his damn time getting to me.

Luke wouldn't have taken seven hours to get to me. He'd have found a quicker way and been by my side as nature forced me to have my boy earlier than I should have. He'd have prevented this early labor and not let my son come into this world until it was time. He'd have held my hand and talked me through all my fears. He'd have known what to do. He'd have said the right thing or if words failed him, he'd have climbed on the bed regardless of whether I'd batted his hands away and held me tight and close until I felt better. He wouldn't have stood there like a dick, blinking in shock and surprise. He'd have been a man in this situation.

But in my heart and in my soul, I know this wasn't Jesse's fault and I was just overwhelmed and overcome with more emotion than I'd ever felt before. He had told me not to fly to Vegas but I told him I'd be fine. Lie number one. He warned me that I was doing a little too much but I told him I could handle it and even hinted that Sawyer had all but forced me to go. Lie number two. The truth was that if I'd explained my fears to my boss, he'd never have made me get on that plane. This was all on me, this was all my fault, I didn't do a good enough job of keeping the little guy safe for another few weeks. I murdered my son. His blood was on my hands and my hands alone.

I'd heard Jesse come into my hospital room, softly calling my name like he knew I'd be pissed he was late. It wasn't his fault, I knew there had to be a valid reason and he would be beyond remorseful when he knew what had happened but I was being stubborn for my own selfish reasons. I heard him moving around before the chair squeaked and I knew he'd sat down. He hadn't seen the baby lying on the bed next to me. I hadn't called out to him but he didn't approach me either. I know he was tired from the journey but really? Luke would have known to wake me if he knew I'd been waiting for him, so why didn't Jesse?

I wasn't sure if my son's soul was still in the room and if it was, I was going to make damn sure he knew I loved him before he made the trip up to Heaven. I decided to sing to him; it was all I felt capable of doing in that moment. It was my first and final job as his mother. The song that popped into my head was a perfect choice as far as I was concerned. It couldn't have been better if I'd written it myself. I woke Jesse without meaning to and that's when he realized that the worst scenario had happened. The look on his face was pure shock, horror, bewilderment, fear and then pain. A whole range of emotions in just three seconds.

I couldn't look at him. I couldn't manage his pain as well as my own and I don't know if that's guilt on my part. Every one of my nerve endings was on fire, my stomach was still raw and painful, my heart was in pieces and my soul was destroyed. I knew he was feeling the same. I _knew_ what this baby meant to him. He was supposed to have been Jesse's new beginning and a fresh start, to prove to himself, me, my family and friends that he'd changed, grown up and was worthy of being a father and husband. And now his chance had been ripped from him. And I felt so sorry for him.

He tried to take the baby from me at one point but I pushed his hands away. Holding the baby was hard for me and I thought if he didn't touch him, then his mind might convince him that it didn't happen. I regretted it though, as soon as he whimpered when I rejected his unspoken plea. I wanted to take it back but all I could do was cry.

I had plans for my life with the little guy who already bore a strong resemblance to his father. I wanted to get him interested in music, to teach him to cook, to do laundry so that one day he'd make a girlfriend or wife happy when he didn't act like a caveman. I wanted to teach him how to work hard, give to charity and work with people who didn't have the lavish homelife he would have had, to appreciate everything but take nothing for granted. I'd imagined buying him a small piano to learn on and to put on little concerts at Christmas to please his grandparents. I imagined long walks to the park, afternoons playing in the pool and watching Jesse build him a treehouse in the back yard like the one I'd shared with Luke. I'd imagined everything for him but I hadn't ever imagined this.

I rarely failed at anything in life. I didn't really make many mistakes. I was genuinely a good judge of character and it wasn't in my nature to let people down.

But my most important role ever had come to an end because of something I did wrong.

It was only when Ginger came into the room and talked to me that I could finally move my head and let her take the baby from my arms and to allow Jesse a chance to hold his son. I couldn't watch my baby leave me; I hadn't ever been apart from him, so I closed my eyes and pretended he was still there.

I could hear them talking about me, like I wasn't in the room but Jesse needed and deserved answers to his questions. He would need to make some calls. He needed to organize our trip home. He needed to sort us out some time off of work. He needed to be my voice for now and to be able to make decisions for me as I am incapable. I want to call out to him but I have lost my words.

But first and the most important task of all was spending time with his son. And I knew that. I understood that. I loved him unconditionally for that. I respected him for that.

I want more than anything to be held.

But I don't know how to ask.


	26. Chapter 25: Jinxed and Jealous

**Author's Note #1:**

 **Corinne, Your strength never ceases to amaze me. You are a true inspiration.** **I'm beyond blessed and extremely thankful to have you in my life and to be able to call you not only my best friend, but my sister. Saying thank you just doesn't seem to be enough. xxx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Chapter 25  
Jinxed and Jealous  
o~O~o**

 **~Beca's POV~**

I don't know what hour it is.

I don't even know what day it is.

All I know is that I feel lost, alone, empty and very afraid of what tomorrow is going to bring. I know in my heart that this is about the worst I will ever feel and I'm absolutely dreading telling people what happened. I have to come to terms with what's happened myself before I can even think about talking to anyone. I have to wonder though, will I ever come to terms with it?

Jesse is here and I'm glad that I'm no longer by myself but the one thing that troubles me is that he's also grieving and I really don't know what to say to him, to help him deal with all of this. After the baby was taken to the hospital morgue, I finally gave in and let Jesse hold me while I laid curled up on the bed and I just wept. He seemed almost relieved to be able to do something for me but I know he needed comfort from me as well. He laid on the bed next to me and pulled me back gently towards his chest. He laid his head in the crook of my neck and I suddenly felt his body wrack with sobs and his tears as they fell from his eyes. I reached behind me and grabbed his hand and he linked his fingers with mine. A simple gesture but it was what we both needed.

As we laid there, rocking slightly together, I could hear the other babies in the maternity ward crying and with every one of their cries I could feel a throbbing in my breasts. By that evening, my breasts were leaking which made me cry even more. The milk that was supposed to feed and nourish my son, was now relieving itself from my body and being absorbed into hospital grade nursing pads.

This was all _so_ fucking unfair.

I finally managed to find my voice around dinner time. Ginger brought both Jesse and I some food just after six and I was surprised to find I was a little hungry. I picked at my sandwich and I had a few spoonfuls of chicken soup while we sat in silence. I noticed that Jesse looked exhausted but the food and a quick shower seemed to help him perk up a little. He seemed more relaxed, if that were possible, after we had laid together.

After eating, Jesse seemed ready to tackle the task of calling my parents to let them know what happened. Poor Jesse didn't know what to say or do and he looked so uncomfortable as he paced the room. I heard my Dad ask for me and Jesse told him I was sleeping, which he seemed to accept. Apparently, both of my parents hammered Jesse with hard questions that he did his best to answer. Luckily, Ginger walked in the room at just the right time and was willing to step in and speak to my mom, who, in her best judges voice was confusing Jesse. I was used to her grilling techniques. Ginger was able to put my mom's mind at ease and explaining that she only needed to catch a flight if she really wanted to but that it wasn't necessary, and that I was going to released in a couple of days. I could hear Ginger reassuring my mom that I going to be ok and I could hear a few sobs, something completely uncharacteristic of my mom. I held out my hand for Jesse's phone and spoke to my mom for just a few minutes.

Once Ginger left the room and I wrapped up the call with my mom, Jesse was there to take care of my every need, as if he'd assumed a new role. I wasn't allowed to even get up to pee without him being right there. He helped me out of bed and held my hand as I walked across the room to the bathroom, then he would wait outside until I was done so he could walk me back. While I appreciated his help, it was getting slightly annoying to say the least but the last thing I wanted was to offend him or be alone. I was confused about what my head and heart were telling me.

Everything was going as well as it could and I was healing better than I was expected to. I had always been pretty good at taking care of myself physically, although I knew I needed help with the psychological pain. Emotionally, I still had my moments. The times I fell apart were mostly when I could hear babies in the surrounding rooms. Hearing their cries was like a knife to my heart. Another mistake I made was trying to distract myself by looking at my Facebook page and while I was happy for an old school friend, seeing her announce her own pregnancy on her timeline was more than I could handle. I turned my phone off.

The next morning as I sat in bed, I was uninterestedly picking at my breakfast and waiting for Jesse to wake up, when I completely fell apart again. I tried to keep the crying to a minimum, especially when Jesse was awake. I noticed that when I cried he got nervous, started fidgeting and began asking what he could do to make things better. I didn't have the heart to tell him that what he was doing was only making things worse. I needed to find something else to focus on, so I could begin to move on and try to get my life back and be as normal as I could be.

I was just about to get my phone so I could call my mom when Ginger came in to check on me.

"Good morning." She said, knocking on my door as she entered my room.

"Mornin'." I said, pulling myself out of my daydream as I looked gratefully towards the door, happy to see her since I hadn't seen her before she left the previous evening. I had finally gone to sleep for longer than thirty minutes and I was told that she hadn't wanted to disturb me.

"How are you feeling?" Ginger asked, casting an eye over to the chair where Jesse was slumped, taking a nap from his nursing duties. She walked toward the bed, placing something by the footboard before straightening the blankets that had shifted as I sat up to eat breakfast.

"I'm good." I lied as I put down my piece of toast and wiped my mouth before pushing my breakfast tray away. After only a few bites, I was full and not eating much of it anyway.

She gave me a knowing look, before casting another glance in Jesse's direction. "Ok… now, do you want to tell me the truth?"

I looked up, trying to say what I needed to say without actually using words. Ginger's silence told me that she knew what I was trying to say but I figured it was best to just say it. "Better… though not great. I hurt. When will the pain go away?" I finally admitted as I winced; a dull ache rippling across my belly. The cramps were evil but I didn't want to take anything to alleviate the pain.

"It's gonna take take some time, but you'll start to feel a little better, stronger everyday."

"That's what everyone keeps saying."

Ginger winked and patted my hand. "Cuz it's true."

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Dr. Jackson just told me that you're being discharged tomorrow morning."

"That's what the night nurse told me."

"Are you ready to get home?"

I turned my head and looked out the window at the sun shining over Sin City. "I don't think any new mom is ready to go home empty handed." With tears streaming down my face and my hands immediately finding my now empty womb, I quietly asked, "Am I really even a mom? I mean, my baby died because I couldn't keep him safe, so I'm not a mom… right?"

"Oh Beca… sweetheart, of course you're a mom."

"I don't feel like one. I failed my first task… keep the baby safe inside for 9 months."

"Beca, you have to stop beating yourself up. These things happen and I know it's hard to understand. I know better than most as I went through it twice myself. Miscarriage is nature's way of discarding a pregnancy that didn't proceed in a way compatible with life."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Nothing and no one can ever take away your pain. I'm merely trying to tell you that this was not your fault, it's nature's fault. In a few days, you'll begin to accept it into your head; your heart is another matter but it will happen."

"Nature sucks ass."

Ginger chuckled. "Yes, it does."

"I'm really sorry it happened to you too." Beca said genuinely.

"Thank you. It may not seem like it will happen now but there will be babies for you one day and you'll love them that much more because of this. Trust me."

"I couldn't have made it through the past few days without you."

"I'm sure you would have, it's-"

"-I'm not good at this sort of thing. I'm usually in such control and ..."

"I know. I understand."

"I guess you need to get back to your work huh?" Beca said, moving the conversation along.

"I do have to get back but, I brought something for you."

"Oh!" I said as I looked around for the paperwork I assumed she had brought me to sign.

Ginger suddenly looked a little guilty. Taking a deep breath, she finally started talking. "As you know I went home late on Monday because I didn't want to leave you after-"

"- About that, I'm so sorry I kept you. I hope your family wasn't upset."

"Please don't be sorry. I was right where I wanted and _needed_ to be." Ginger told me as she took a seat next to me on the bed. "When I finally got home, I was exhausted but it was dinnertime and I wanted to eat with my family and hear about their day. When it was my turn to share my day, I told them about you and well… I hope you don't mind but we have something for you." She said as she reached down to get the bag she'd brought in with her and handed it to me.

I wasn't sure what to make of it, but her thoughtfulness made me tear up. Ginger had been my rock when I needed one. She had been the one coaching me through labor, telling me what was happening and doing the best that she could to keep me calm. I had been frightened and more aggressive than I meant to be but she held my hand and _made_ me understand the gravity of the situation. I should be the one giving Ginger a gift, not the other way around. I took a deep breath and reached into the bag, when I saw what was inside I gasped.

"Hudson and Holden wanted to make something for you. They just love modeling clay." Ginger explained. "When I told them your baby went to Heaven, they asked if they could make you an angel baby with rainbow wings. I really hope you like it."

I carefully held the angel, which wasn't much smaller than my own son, in one hand, as my other hand explored the little body and wings. Of course, the baby wasn't perfect but he was beautiful, just like my baby boy always would be. "It's perfect, thank you." I was finally able to say. "I'll treasure it always."

"I'm so glad you like it."

"Like it? I love it." I said cradling the boy's project in my hands.

"Of course, Harper wanted to do something as well, but since she isn't allowed to play with modeling clay, she colored a card." Ginger said handing Beca a homemade card, complete with glitter spots and some feathers that made no sense. I loved it immediately.

"It's beautiful. She did a wonderful job."

"Beca, you've touched my heart and my family. I hope that once you're back home and feeling more settled, you'll stay in touch."

"I will. I promise." She said as she moved closer to Ginger and hugged her.

 **o~O~o**

On Thursday morning it was time to leave the hospital… and my baby. I never imagined that I'd be going back home without my son. Leaving was going to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. My son's body had been taken to the funeral home and would be prepared for cremation. Even with as tiny as he is, there's still protocol to follow so he wouldn't be ready for us to take home. We'd have to come back next week to collect his remains. Under normal circumstances, I would have stayed until he was ready to come home with me, but I needed and wanted to be home. I craved my own space and wanted to get there as soon as possible.

As I was preparing to leave, packing up the few items I had with me after Jesse had collected my suitcase from the hotel and settled the bill on my behalf, a lady named Evelyn with administration came into my room with some paperwork for Jesse and I to sign. She explained everything and said that we could leave everything with Ginger before we left.

As Jesse sat down to read the paperwork he said, "We need to give him a name."

This was the conversation I'd been dreading. "He _has_ a name."

Looking surprised, he looked up from the papers in his hand and asked. "And what would that be?"

"Bodhi _{pronounced: bow-dee}_ Christopher."

"I thought we had kinda decided on Wyatt? Can we discuss it?"

"It's too late. I've already filled out the birth _and_ death certificates. You weren't here."

"How?"

"What do you mean ' _how'_? I put pen to paper. You weren't here and a decision had to be made."

"I'm sure it could have waited until I got here."

"They handed me the papers and asked me to fill them out… so I did."

"So, now what?"

"You sign the papers."

"And that's it?"

"That's it."

As far as I was concerned the matter was closed. There was nothing to discuss. I had been presented with paperwork not long after Bodhi passed and a decision needed to be made. I made it. Maybe I was a bitch for naming our son without Jesse's consent but what was done was done. The list of names was something that had been fun to discuss and I just wanted it over with, it wasn't done maliciously.

Our son's name was Bodhi Christopher Swanson. He was born on February 24, 2014 at 2:47am. He weighed 9.3 ounces and was 5¾ inches long. My tiny little Bodhi died in my arms at 2:51am. Four minutes… I had a total of four minutes to tell him a lifetime of secrets. In that time, I recited Goodnight Moon one last time. I had been reading it to him for weeks and it felt like the right thing to do. I told him how much his daddy and I loved him and how I wished things could be different. I silently prayed that Mamie, my dad's mom, would be there to welcome my Bodhi into Heaven. I couldn't imagine him getting there and having no one to hold him.

A couple hours later, Ginger came by to say that she would be back shortly with a wheelchair to escort me to the car. Jesse took that as his cue to get the car and for the first time since he arrived, I was on my own in the suite. I was alone in the room where I delivered my son, where he took his first breath and his last. This moment was bittersweet. My angel was in Heaven and he was looking down on me and Jesse, at least I hoped he was. I just hope that he can work a little magic because that's what this relationship is going to need to survive.

As I looked around the room, I realized that the walls had seen a lot. Not just in the last few days, but everyday that it was used. The room had seen more joy and more pain than a lot of others, but for a few short days, it was my home, my sanctuary and my safe haven. Now it was time to go so that someone else could experience something so beautiful and life changing that words alone couldn't describe it.

I looked out of the window, at the most gorgeous sky and there over Sin City was the most beautiful rainbow I'd ever seen. With tears in my eyes, I looked to the Heavens and said, "Thank you God for giving me the most beautiful and amazing gift. He's yours now, please hold him close and look after him until we meet again. I love you Bodhi Christopher, forever and always."

Just as Ginger promised, she came back with a wheelchair. As I looked around again, I wasn't sure I was ready to leave and I hated myself for it. I hated that I felt like I no longer had control over my life. In a very short amount of time, my life had changed so much and once I left the confines of this room, the absolute reality of the situation would become even more real. But I knew I needed to get home, back to reality and going back to work would help; it was all I had left.

"Ready?" Ginger asked sweetly, snapping me out of my daydream.

I turned to look at her and felt tears beginning to sting my eyes… again. In all honesty, the answer to her question was no, but I couldn't stay and I knew that. I feared leaving my room and seeing happy new mommies and daddies with their new babies. We were supposed to be those happy parents too and yet, here we were leaving the hospital babyless, with hearts full of pain and sorrow. Why did it have to be this way? Why did _my_ baby have to die?

"Beca?"

"Beca…"

"Beca… honey are you ok?"

"Do you need me to call the doctor?"

I looked at Ginger and shook my head, not knowing exactly how long she'd been calling my name. I was lost for words, something I still wasn't used to. I always had something to say about everything… until now. Still looking blankly at Ginger, I carefully lowered myself into the chair near the window.

Ginger kneeled down in front of me, taking my hands in hers. "Beca, you're going to be just fine. It might not be tonight, tomorrow or the next, but everything's going to be ok. You just need to give it some time."

Leaning forward, I hugged Ginger like my life depended on it. She had been my everything over the last several days and now, I needed to learn that it was ok to depend on Jesse.

 **o~O~o**

As promised, Ginger took me to the car. I'm pretty sure she took me the long way around so we didn't have to pass the nursery and coincidentally, the crying babies seemed to have all been pacified at the same time. The halls were quiet… too quiet.

While I had hoped to fly back to LA, I was told that in my condition it wasn't an option so we'd have to drive. In an of itself driving wasn't a real problem but I wasn't sure that I was ready to be in such a confined space with Jesse just yet. Being in the room was one thing, being in a car was something totally different and we'd just had an argument about Bodhi's name. Because I had been giving pain medication so the ride would be bearable, I hoped sleep would come quickly and easily otherwise, this was going to be a long trip home.

 **o~O~o  
Jesse's POV**

 **o~O~o**

The ride home from Las Vegas was long and quiet. Beca laid the passenger seat down and turned her back on me, choosing to curl into a tight ball and cry rather than actually talk about what she was feeling. A couple of times I reached over to rub her side before resting my hand on her hip. She knew that I was also having a hard time but she didn't know how to grieve and be there for me like I needed her to be.

In my defense, I did try to make conversation. I tried singing to her. I tried being quiet. I tried listening to the radio. I had even tried to get Beca to eat when we stopped for lunch. She wasn't having any of it. Except for the fact that Beca was right next to me while I was driving, it was like she wasn't in the car at all.

After getting her settled in the car after our lunch stop, but before getting back on the road, I sent a quick text. I needed to enlist the help of others to make Beca's homecoming as smooth as possible. I texted the only person I knew would do as I needed him to do.

" _Dude, I need your help."  
_ " _What is it?"  
_ " _Can you go by the house?"  
_ " _Sure. What do you need?"  
_ " _Get all of the baby stuff out of the house."  
_ " _Where should I put it?"  
_ " _In the pool house for now. I'll take care of it next week."  
_ " _Anything else?"  
_ " _Can you make that tomato basil soup Beca likes?"  
_ " _Of course. I'll stop at the store on the way."  
_ " _I do have one more favor to ask."  
_ " _Of course you do."  
_ " _Please be at the house when we get there."  
_ " _My pleasure."  
_ " _Thanks Dude… I owe you one."  
_ " _You owe me more than one."_

Shoving my phone back in my pocket I walked around the car, silently hoping I had done the right thing by asking for Luke's help.

I know Beca's body ached and missed the life that had been growing within it. She had just gotten used to feeling Bodhi moving around inside of her and I guessed she longed to feel his kicks just one more time. Her arms ached for one more second, one more minute, one more hour with Bodhi. She had probably never felt so lost and alone as she did when Ginger handed Bodhi's tiny lifeless body to me so that I could have some time with our son.

She could have easily allowed me to lay with her and the baby but she couldn't bear it. She wasn't ready and I knew the hand holding exercise was just for show. I knew she needed to forgive me for not being there but it wasn't something that was going to happen overnight. It would take time, just like it was going to take time for her heart to heal, though I knew losing Bodhi was something she would never get over.

And neither would I.

But I knew I had to worry about me another time. Now was the time to concentrate on the road home, ignore the desperate thirst for a shot of whiskey that was sitting in my throat and swallow my sadness.

When we arrived home, Anne, Will and Luke were there to greet us and I was happy to see their cars in the driveway. As I pulled in I saw Anne and Will standing together, watching out of the kitchen window. Luke stood at the front door and watched as I helped Beca out of the car. Her tiny body looked thinner and more frail than I'd ever seen and I slipped my arm around her as her parents walked out of the house to greet us. She pulled away from me and hugged each of her parents tightly, silently wishing that they could fix this just as they had fixed everything for her when she was small.

As she looked up, I watched as her eyes met Luke's and something washed over her face but I couldn't place the expression; it was almost relief. He slowly walked toward her, waiting for her to make the next move. She walked as fast as she could until she was standing right in front of Luke. It wasn't long before she was throwing her arms around his neck.

"He's gone." She whispered to Luke, her first words since we left Las Vegas. "My baby's gone." She sobbed inconsolably as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her so easily that it made my blood boil.

I seethed as I took the luggage out of the car. The interaction between the two of them was more than I could handle, and my need to escape this scene was probably evident.

Beca was extremely unsteady on her feet and judging from Luke's concerned expression, he knew from experience that her legs were about to give out. I continued to take in the scene that was unfolding before my very eyes as I wheeled the suitcase towards the door. Beca buried her face in the crook of Luke's neck as he scooped her up and carried her into the house, followed closely by Anne and Will.

What was wrong with everyone? Was this really happening? Had I just become completely invisible?

Sure, I asked Luke to be here because I knew Beca would want to see him. And I knew that he would make her homecoming easier. They'd been through so much together throughout the years, but I never in my wildest dreams imagined this is what would happen. He hadn't even acknowledged me.

I know that Beca has been through so much more than any one of us could ever imagine but I lost my son too and somehow, I've been forgotten. Without a second thought, I put the luggage in the foyer and walked back outside, closing the door quietly behind me.

As I got in the car and started the engine I scrolled through my contacts and hit the call button. It wasn't long before I was barking into the phone. "Are you there? I need… forget it, I'm on my way!"

* * *

 **Author's Note #2:** I apologize for this lengthy author's note but I'd like to address "Guest" and a few concerns he/she has had regarding my story. Well "Guest", I'm gonna call you 'Reggie' because I don't like calling someone "Guest" if I can help it; it all seems rather impersonal and that's the complete opposite of who I am. You don't want me to know who you are which is fine, that's your choice although I recognize your style of writing and have a pretty good idea who you are. You've left me quite a few negative reviews, not addressing the story, but attacking me as a writer. Again, this is your prerogative but I've noticed you're not actually reading the story properly. Here, let me explain...

Dear Reggie,

I'll start by saying that I would have messaged you directly but since you reviewed as a guest I can't direct message you, so I'll address you and your concerns here.

I'd like to begin by first saying that I do not take any of the subject matters I write about lightly, it's actually quite the opposite, hence why I take my time to post my chapters. I appreciate your point of view about Beca and Jesse's baby dying but please understand that I've researched the subject at great length. While it is not impossible for a baby delivered at 20 weeks 5 days to survive, in most, if not all cases, it's improbable. Babies born at that gestational age are usually only about 6 inches in length and weigh no more than 10 ounces. Being born that early puts the baby at risk for issues such as loss of sensory functions (sight and hearing) and their organs, brain and immune system are not developed, equipped or strong enough to sustain them outside of the womb without the assistance of many machines, years of struggle to come and a promise of a far from perfect life. Cognitive functions can be affected and babies are more susceptible to chronic illness. Premature babies are more susceptible to learning and physical disabilities as well. Well educated doctors and healthcare professionals can make the call as to the strength of the newborn and they'll usually know within seconds whether the baby will make it.

When making bread, you wouldn't pull it out of the oven twenty minutes early and try to slice it because it wouldn't be baked all the way through. There is a reason we have to bake for 9 months before we're born, and it's been that way since the beginning of time.

I have not only researched this topic properly, realistically and sensibly, I've also gotten first hand accounts to back up everything I've written and have tactfully represented their memories without going so far as to overstep and make my readers beyond uncomfortable. Not everyone's lives are perfect. I reflect that in this story quite a bit. I'm pushing myself as a writer to go beyond my comfort zone by creating and telling a unique and hopefully enjoyable story. Anyone can write a mushy, cliche oh so happy Jeca story, I've been there, done that but with this story I wanted to create something new and different by using the characters we all know and love.

In this story, Beca chose to let her baby go naturally and with dignity rather than have tubes forced down his very tiny, under developed airway and prolonging his pain. Doing so, would more than likely have caused more harm than good and to do so would have only been delaying the inevitable. The ONLY bonus to opening the baby's airway and forcing oxygen into his lungs would have been to wait for Jesse to arrive and even that wasn't a guarantee and would have given them false hope of the baby's survival. Doing so the tubes and machines would have prevented the baby from having any skin to skin contact with his mother before his passing making his death very cold and clinical. He died nestled in the warm, loving arms of his mother and was comforted in his final minutes by the beat of her heart. Beca loved him more than life and did her best to grow and protect him for almost 21 weeks. Would you have rather had me write about the baby dying in an incubator, alone, with little or no human contact? Beca made the only decision she could given the circumstances and knowing that babies delivered before about 24-25 weeks gestation almost never survive.

Unless you've been in this situation, you have no idea how you will react and I humbly include myself in this statement and the same goes if it happens more than once. I was blessed with easy fertility but not everyone is lucky like me. I've seen people suffer loss and these stories need to be told; for all of the babies who were born sleeping and for their parents. It breaks my heart that anyone has to go through this but if this story helps one person understand they are not alone to deal with one of the hardest things that life will throw at someone, then I have done my job as a writer.

I'd like to point out the fact that you've done nothing but complain in every "review" you've left. The point of a review is to review what you've read, not gripe, moan and complain about a writer's storyline, plot bunnies and cliffhangers. Please take into consideration the next time you "review" that a lot of time, blood, sweat, tears and research go into each chapter. I don't get paid to do this, I do it because I love it. Yes, I've left many cliffhangers that to date remain unresolved but by the end of this story all will be tied up in a nice little bow; isn't that the point of a story and what keeps someone coming back?

If you like the story, which you must, because you keep coming back to read each chapter as soon as it's posted, then please continue to read otherwise there's the door... don't let it hit you where the good Lord split you.

I appreciate each and every review and would like to thank all my readers for taking the time out of their busy schedules to do so. I hope that you'll all continue to stick with me on the rest of this journey and again, I'm sorry about the length of this author's note but I needed to explain myself and this seemed to be the best avenue.

With love,  
CQ714


	27. Chapter 26: Knavish and Kindhearted

**A/N:**

 **Corinne, Your dedication to helping me bring this story to life amazes me. Thank you for always being willing to bounce ideas & for believing in me even when I fail to believe in myself. Most of all thank you for your continued friendship, without it, I don't know where I'd be. xx**

 **Without further ado, here's chapter 26... I hope you all enjoy it. Please don't forget to read and review.**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Chapter 26  
Knavish and Kindhearted  
** **o~O~o**

It was a week later and the Mitchell/Swanson household was far from normal. Everything was too quiet, too clinical and far too polite. For Beca and Jesse, it felt as though all the joy had been sucked out of their lives and despite it only being ten days since they lost their son, both of them expected to feel at least as though they had taken one step on the road to recovery.

Beca spent most of her time in her bedroom, curled up in bed, sleeping the days and nights away. She only got up to use the bathroom or get a drink and occasionally a lite bite from the kitchen. She wasn't in the least bit hungry but she knew she needed to eat _something_.

The nights were the longest.

One evening, she watched quietly as Jesse collected some of his things and moved into one of the guest rooms, explaining in just a few words before he left, that he thought she'd sleep better if he wasn't there. She didn't have the energy to argue or explain that she actually needed to feel him close by, even if they were both incapable of words.

After he left the room, she moved over to his side of the bed and curled up, missing him more than she did over the last week. Hours later, still awake after spending most of the day asleep, she was surprised and secretly pleased when he crawled quietly in the bed with her and went right to sleep. She laid there watching him for a little while before he turned his back on her in his sleep. While they had been sleeping in the same bed, it was like they were actually miles apart. There was no touching, no intimacy, they were just there. They were co-existing, co-habitating and both hugged different sides of the bed so as not to meet in the middle.

They were inches away from each other, but oceans apart.

She spent a lot of time texting her parents and Luke. Her mom had offered to move in for a few days to help out but Beca knew, as much as she loved her mom, that they'd end up at odds with each other and that wouldn't help anything.

Grief was boring and the hardest thing was that there was no set time limit, no protocol to follow and no one to tell them how they should be acting. Jesse had dealt with hardship throughout his life but nothing could have prepared him for his feelings of utter devastation at the partial loss of his family. He wasn't sure he could get it back.

While Beca spent as much time as possible in her bed, buried under a mound of blankets, Jesse was spending an equal amount of time away from the house. There was something about the warm colors, pretty soft furnishings and interesting knick knacks that now annoyed him. He wasn't feeling it; it had lost the homely feel, it had lost the spark.

He didn't tell Beca where he was going when he went out, and Beca didn't ask him. Truth be told, she couldn't be bothered to care when he poked his head into the bedroom to say he'd be back around dinner time.

On the eighth day after she got home, Luke visited with warm cinnamon rolls. Upon finding Beca laying in bed, looking worse than she had the day she had come home, he tried to persuade her to get up and take a short walk with him.

She, of course, had protested vehemently and argued that she wasn't ready but Luke had ignored her pleas and took all the blankets off her bed before walking into the bathroom. Returning to her bedroom with a wet washcloth, he threw it at her, soaking her pajamas and making her squeal.

"I hate you!" She bellowed, narrowing her eyes and balling up the wet cloth.

"At this point, I don't give two shits." Luke said, retreating to a safe distance, knowing Beca couldn't throw worth a damn but not wanting to risk it.

"Get out." Beca yelled, pissed off that Luke wasn't doing what she wanted him to do. She pulled her top off over her head and sat there in just her shorts and sports bra. Luke looked at the girl he had known since he was a boy and saw she still had the soft rounded baby bump. He swallowed the lump in his throat, realizing what she must have been going through as he approached her cautiously. She was too busy retying her hair into a messy ponytail to notice him until he took a seat on her bed.

"Beca..."

"What?" Beca snapped.

"... I'm _really_ sorry about Bodhi. I know he was wanted and loved and everything-"

"-Yeah, well, it wasn't meant to be, right? I guess I'm not supposed to be a mother."

"Don't say that. You _can't_ say that."

"I kinda can. You _don't_ know what I'm going through."

"No... you're right, I don't. How can I? I can't ever experience your loss. But as your best friend, a man, dammit, even a human, I _can_ empathize."

"Luke... , I..."

"I get it. It's ok to feel like shit. It's ok to be angry. It's ok to feel useless. But it's not ok to throw your life away. You are too damn important."

"I'm nothing without Bodhi."

"But you are. You are still his mum. You always will be. And in his memory, you have to live your life. You have so much left to achieve Beca. Don't throw it away."

"I don't know how to carry on."

"Well, take one day at a time. Today, you can shower. Tomorrow you can brush your birds nest of a hairdo. And the day after, perhaps change your clothes. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do it."

"I feel so alone."

"I'll be right by your side. I'm not going anywhere. I made you a promise when we were fourteen. Do you remember?" Luke asked. Beca shook her head but he knew the look in her eye that suggested otherwise. "Well, it was ' _I, (sing your name), always promise to share food with you, send you links to things you will find funny to brighten your day, to text back as soon as possible, to never sweat the small stuff and to love each other without question for all eternity'_. Now, don't tell me you forgot that?"

"I didn't." Beca said in the smallest of voices. "I didn't forget."

Beca turned over slowly in bed and reached into the top drawer of her bedside table and pulled out a picture frame. The frame proudly displayed the title 'best friends' and held a photo of a carefree, happy couple of thirteen year olds with their arms around each other and sporting stupid, sloppy grins. The other side of the frame held the same oath, hand written in purple ink and signed by them both.

"I've been a shit to you this year." Beca said. "I can't even try to explain it. And you being here right now is what I need but you can't understand what I'm going through. I wish you could because I know you would make it right."

"I wish I could take all the pain away." Luke leaned forward and embraced his best friend, holding her tightly as tears flowed from her. "You are going to hate what I am about to say and in a way, I can't quite believe I am even thinking along these lines."

"Spit it out."

"There is _someone_ who can understand what you are going through."

"Who?" Beca asked, her mind immediately thinking of Ginger.

"Jesse."

"He can't possibly-"

"-That's the thing. He can. Bodhi was his as well. Bodhi was his fresh start and a new beginning, his connection for eternity with you. He didn't physically lose Bodhi but you need to understand that he lost his son... and dare I say it, he's lost you. You have quite clearly shut him out. He's grieving as well, but you are too wrapped up in yourself to see it."

"You can't talk to me that way."

"I can. I don't mean to sound insensitive but I always promised you that I would tell you when you needed to pull your head out of your arse, and now is one of those times. You need to let Jesse back in. And he needs you just as much. You can only begin to heal if you work together."

"Did he ask you to say something?" Beca asked, her eyes narrowing as she pulled away from Luke.

"No, not in the slightest."

"He was going to move into one of the guest rooms."

"Can you blame him? You have kinda shut him out."

"He _should_ have been there."

"From what I've gathered, he tried."

"He didn't go through what I did. I was all alone Luke. I went through this traumatic experience _by_ myself."

"And Jesse went through it by himself. I can only imagine how he felt seeing you holding Bodhi when the last message he got from you was that everything had settled down."

"Luke, I want you to leave."

"Well, I want a home in the country, a million dollars and one of the Queen's corgis but we can't always have what we want. Trust me, I know that all too well, in fact, better than you think."

"Why are you here?"

"To pull your sorry arse out of bed, to get you out in the fresh air and feed you something better than..." Luke looked around the littered bedroom. "... salsa chips and... wait, you've pigged out on Godiva chocolate bars."

"I needed candy."

"What you need... is-"

"-My son."

Luke looked over at Beca, her eyes brimming with more tears than he'd ever seen her cry and pulled her close to him again.

"This is going to take time. Let yourself grieve for your son and then, when you're ready, you and Jesse could buy a tree sapling, plant it somewhere in Bodhi's memory and then be thankful for his life, however short it was. It's all you can do for him now, except to remember him and be grateful for his footprint on your heart. But firstly, you need to start forgiving yourself, just a tiny bit. This wasn't your fault, it was nothing you did and you have to know that. Shitty things happen to good people. Then you're going to take a shower, because you _do_ stink, you're going to eat something that requires thought and you're going to take a walk with me to get some air."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"Yeah. Please go make me a sandwich while I shower."

"Ok. You got it."

While the half an hour walk with Luke didn't cure all of Beca's inner demons, she realized that he was, in fact, right and she did need the time away from the house. They walked slowly, holding hands, as they talked about everything other than Bodhi. Beca even managed a smile as Luke put his spin on the tale of how they first knew each other, meeting all those years before, in the park. He reminded her of how strong and doggedly determined she was and this horrific time in her life was temporary and she would learn and grow from it. He also reminded her that she wasn't the only one devastated by the loss of her baby. He gently quieted her as she protested again and suggested that she call her parents who were also mourning the loss of their first grandchild.

She quietly accepted what he had to say, taking it all in. When they returned to the house, she kissed Luke's cheek and thanked him as he got into his car. She watched as he pulled out of the driveway and down towards the guards shack, thanking the stars above that she had him in her life. Beca had listened and while she wasn't ready to talk to Jesse, she wanted to let him know that she was thinking of him and she'd be making dinner that night.

" _Hey, I'm going to make penne pasta with spinach and bacon for dinner. What time will you be home? XO"_

Beca laid her phone on the kitchen counter and walked to the fridge. She hadn't noticed before that Silvana had bought her groceries and restocked her pantry but she was grateful and pulled out the ingredients that she needed to cook. She took her time in preparing the familiar dish; it usually took her twenty five minutes but she was surprised by the time she had finished to see that nearly an hour had passed. She wasn't hungry but the normality of the situation helped take her mind off of everything else. Beca served up two bowlfuls of the pasta and checked her phone to see if Jesse had replied.

He hadn't.

And she ate alone.

And slipped straight back into her depression.

 **o~O~o**

"Was that your phone?"

"Yeah." Jesse answered with a lazy smile. He'd heard the message tone, signaling a text from Beca on his cell but he was far too comfortable to move.

"Is it the little wifey?"

"She's not my wife." Jesse replied, curling his lip ever so slightly.

"Do you want another coffee? Or you gonna run back home to her?"

"She won't care whether I am there or not."

"'Cuz of the kid?"

"Yeah."

"So you've got time for a coffee then?"

"Ok."

"Don't go anywhere."

"I won't." Jesse lazily replied as he rolled into the empty space left as Pepper got up to fetch two more coffees. Jesse watched her walk to the counter and licked his lips when she bent over to pick up the dollar she dropped. He wasn't sure if it was deliberate but frankly he didn't care. He liked the image, he liked Pepper and he liked how he was feeling at that point. Pepper was there for him, unlike Beca and he ignored the reminder chime on his phone telling him he had a message.

' _Beca has ignored me since Vegas, it's time she get a taste of her own medicine.'_ He thought to himself before the lump in his throat appeared and he realized what he was doing. He loved Beca, more than life itself, but he needed her and she'd pushed him away. Everyone had ignored him, his feelings and his state of mind... everyone except Pepper.

Pepper returned with her peppy walk and sashaying hips. She handed Jesse his coffee as she edged past him to take her seat. She was fully aware that her ass was dangerously close to his face as she almost sat on his lap, pretending to miss the seat. Jesse playfully slapped her denim clad butt, letting his finger linger a little longer than necessary. Pepper wiggled her rear in his face and giggled.

They both turned towards each other as Jesse dug around in his inside pocket for a bottle to turn his coffee Irish. He held it in his hand for a moment or two, before deciding which way to go. He was oblivious to anyone else around him and Pepper made him laugh, something he needed in his darkening times.

He didn't realize his every move was being watched.

 **o~O~o**

Luke was pissed. How could Jesse do this to Beca? He knew Jesse was mourning the loss of Bodhi and that everyone mourned differently but Jesse had no business being in a bar, especially given his history. All of that temptation in front of him and he had been doing so well, despite it looking like he had only ordered coffee. And what was worse was that while he was in a bar with the redhead that Luke had seen at their New Year's Eve party, Beca was home alone.

Luke had been supposed to meet up with a girl he'd met through work but after seeing Jesse, he'd chosen not to confront him in the bar and instead texted Heather and explained that something had come up. She sounded concerned in her response and quickly agreed to postpone their first date for a couple of days. She explained that she had been caught up at work and was running late and had been toying with the idea of canceling or postponing anyway. They chatted on the phone while Luke drove back to Beca's house. He wanted to let his best friend know where he'd just seen her fiance.

When Luke arrived at Beca's house it looked like no one was home, but he knew better, having left her just a few hours before. All the lights were off and her car was still parked on the driveway. Luke knew she had no plans to go out, since the doctor had told her it would be weeks before she was fully healed. It had only been a little over a week since she had gotten home from Vegas and Luke couldn't believe Jesse was already fucking about. Luke knocked on the front door, waiting for Beca to answer. When she didn't, he rang the the doorbell and waited. Still… no answer. Using his emergency key, Luke let himself in.

Looking around he could tell that Silvana had been there since he'd left Beca just after lunchtime. Everything was in it's place and smelled freshly cleaned and, as he walked past the kitchen, he noticed a bowl of pasta and a glass of tea sitting on the table. He stepped forward to read the note that was propped up against the bowl, ' _Jesse, reheat in the microwave for two minutes xx',_ and his heart sank as he retreated out of the kitchen. Luke dropped his keys and wallet on the table in the foyer, before heading toward the staircase. Suddenly, as he started up the stairs, he worried about the state that he was going to find Beca in and wished he hadn't left her. He hadn't told her about his date, it didn't seem the right time with everything else going on. While he was desperately sad over everything that had happened, Luke also knew that life did go on. He was grateful, on occasion, for his stiff British upper lip.

He tapped lightly on her bedroom door and waited for an answer. He hated to just walk in especially when he was unsure of what was going on in her room. As he turned the doorknob, pushing the door gently open, he was taken aback. Beca was sobbing as she seemed to be dreaming, once again buried under a few blankets, rubbing her belly with one hand and the other hand holding her copy of 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' to her chest. Even though she had lost the baby, she hadn't stopped reading the book. Luke couldn't decide if that was healthy or not. He decided on the latter and wondered if he should wake her. Given her current state he couldn't burden her with what he had just seen at the bar. It could wait.

He picked up one of the loose blankets that had fallen onto the floor, climbed onto the bed beside her and molded himself around her, covering them both with the blanket. He felt her relax into him and she stopped the swirling movement around her tummy. Luke knew that for the first time in a very long time, Beca had fallen into a deep sleep as he held her.

 **o~O~o**

After almost two weeks of crying and mourning the loss of her son, Beca finally decided she needed to get out of bed for more than just a few minutes after replaying her conversation with Luke a few times. What he said made sense and she was tired of laying around and she was surprisingly bored. She was tired of feeling alone and most of all she was tired of being tired. Laying in bed wasn't solving anything and it certainly wasn't bringing Bodhi back.

This was the day she had been dreading the most, it was the day she and Jesse had to attend Bodhi's memorial. Originally she wasn't crazy about the idea. She was mourning Bodhi the best way she knew how, which was to hide herself away from the world and everyone in it. Her mom and dad insisted that a memorial was needed for those who loved Bodhi but never got to meet him.

Anne and Luke worked tirelessly to make sure that the memorial would be just so. It would be small and intimate and only for those closest to the family. Beca didn't feel it was necessary but eventually gave in because it gave her mom something to focus on and she had heeded Luke's words about letting people grieve in their own way.

Looking at herself in the mirror as she brushed the knots out of her hair, Beca gasped. She was pale… even more pale than usual. Her cheeks had a hollow appearance and she had dark circles under her eyes. She was a mess and she wasn't sure that makeup could cover it all.

As she showered, she felt what she hoped was the last bit of pent up tears pooling in her red rimmed eyes. She was sure that over the last two weeks she had cried every last bit of fluid out of her body but she guessed now that she was wrong. She was weak, she'd dropped a good bit of weight since losing the baby and had only been eating and drinking just enough to take pain meds when she needed them and to keep hunger at bay.

Beca looked down at the tiny swell of her abdomen; instinctively she rubbed it. It was the place where her baby boy had lived for almost twenty one weeks. She felt so alone and so empty. Selfishly she wondered if she would ever feel whole again and would she ever get over losing Bodhi.

She had cried so hard when she saw him for the first time. He was perfect, fully formed and everything was there. She watched as his tiny heart beat slowly in his chest, his paper thin skin desperately trying to not tear as he was laid out across Beca's own heart. Beca held him, cuddled him, while his tiny heart was beating. She held him close to her own heart while she counted each of his fingers and toes and kissed his tiny head.

He had been so small yet he had already come to mean so much to her. Seeing the little person that had been dancing in her belly take his last breaths was so hard but at the same time those moments were the most beautiful and treasured she had. In her heart she knew that she'd done everything that she could to grow him and keep him safe but her head was telling her that his death was her fault and it was killing her softly and slowly.

After showering, she pulled on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and one of Jesse's hoodies. As she walked down the stairs she called for him a couple of times but he didn't answer. She looked throughout the house and couldn't find him. When she checked the garage both cars were there so she knew that he couldn't have gotten far. As she stepped out onto the morning porch she heard the strum of his guitar coming from the guest house.

Wondering what he was doing in there, knowing it was where all of Bodhi's baby things were currently being stored, she walked across the backyard and towards the guest house. Nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to walk in on.

The door was cracked open and as Beca pushed it aside, Jesse began singing. He was sitting on a bar stool with his back to the door, as he strummed his guitar. She didn't disturb him, she just stood and listened.

" _'Cause you are my one and only.  
_ _You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
_ _You are my one and only.  
_ _You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
_ _And you'll be alright._

 _'Cause you were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life.  
_ _Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why."_

Jesse turned as Beca gasped. She realized, in those moments, how selfish she was when it came to Jesse and just how right Luke had been; Jesse was hurting just as badly as she was but he chose to hide it from her and she had just as willingly ignored it and him. He turned away from her and hung his head. As Beca walked in, she saw the whiskey bottle and a glass on the bar. Next to the glass were the 16 week ultrasound picture and the sobriety chips Jesse had received every week he went to his support group.

Jesse set his guitar aside, as she stood in front of him. Cradling his face in her tiny hands, she begged, "Jess… please, tell me you didn't. Please."

"Beca, can we not do this right now?"

"Jesse, tell me you haven't had a drink."

He shook his head and turned away from Beca. "I did but-" He said, having the decency to look ashamed. He had been clean and sober for almost six months and just that quickly, he had slipped back into his bad habit.

"-But what?!" Beca snapped as she slapped him across the face. "Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

"I thought if I could have one drink that I could handle what's happened but one drink turned to two and..." Jesse admitted.

"... and what?"

"I couldn't stop… the burn felt too damn good."

"How could you be _so_ fucking selfish?!" Beca yelled at him, beyond disappointed.

"I'm selfish? What about you? You haven't said more than two words to me since the day I arrived at the hospital, yet you were all over Luke as soon as we got home. You really have some fucking nerve calling _me_ selfish. You didn't even let me have a say in _our_ son's name!"

"I lost control over everything… including my body. It was betraying me in the worst imaginable way. I named Bodhi because it was the one thing in this whole screwed up mess that I _could_ control!"

"Oh that's _so_ fucking rich! Miss OCD couldn't control something-"

"-But-"

"But what Rebeca? _But_ what? Do you think I don't see what's going on here? You've shut me out. You've pushed me away. You've turned cold and just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, after everything that's just happened, you call me selfish." Jesse repeated. "I didn't endanger our son's life by getting on an airplane, working more hours than necessary and then blame everyone else when it all went wrong."

"You blame me for this and you know what, that's fine. You're absolutely correct. I blame myself too. I'm the asshole who didn't sit in my ivory tower and expect to be waited on hand and foot while pregnant. I've never relied on anyone before and I wasn't sick, I _was_ pregnant."

"You need to get over yourself!" Jesse bellowed and Beca smelled the whiskey fumes from his breath. Anger bubbled inside of her.

"You're right, I have been quiet. I have kept my thoughts to myself but I have _not_ been selfish. I had a life ripped from my body before it was time. I sat in agony as I watched Bodhi take his first breath and his last. I laid there alone in my grief with his body next to mine as I felt the life and his soul slowly leave his body. That's not something you just ' _get over'_. Everyday for the rest of my life, I will mourn his loss and every February 24th at 2:47am, I will remember and relive the moment that Bodhi came into this world and was placed in my arms. And on that same day, at 2:51am, I will mourn the moment he left me. I was there for his first breath and I was there for his last. I watched him struggle for every single breath he took in between. So don't you _dare_ call me selfish!" Beca yelled as hot, angry tears rolling down her cheeks.

"That's right Beca… it's _all_ about you! Every last fucking bit of what happened! The entire world revolves around Beca Effin' Mitchell."

Beca gasped and felt the air violently leave her lungs. She was truly shocked and couldn't believe what she heard. Jesse couldn't have meant any of it. It was his anger talking but that didn't take the sting out of his words. And the worst part of all... was that she knew he was right.

She looked him in the eye for a few moments, recognizing the nervous twitch he got around his left eye when he'd had too much to drink. Wanting to say more, but at the same time being lost for words, she turned and started walking toward the door. As she reached for the knob, she began sobbing and in a voice just above a whisper, "Some have only ever dreamed of angels, that day… I held one in my arms." She said right before she walked out. The door closed quietly behind her.

And with that… she was gone.

Jesse stared at the door, willing Beca to come back. He hadn't meant what he said. He didn't blame her, he was just angry at the situation and beyond all reasonable thought… of course, the booze really wasn't helping matters at all. When Beca didn't reappear in the doorway, he knew it was best to leave her to stew for a minute or two. He saw the half empty bottle of alcohol, knowing that was the reason for his cloudy head, unkind words and muddled mind. He swiped his arm across the counter, sending glass and whiskey everywhere. Why couldn't anything in his life just be easy? Why did his life have to be one soap opera drama after another? It didn't seem fair.

Jesse hated himself in that moment. Beca was right. He hadn't been there. If he had just waited for that damn flight, maybe he would have made it. Maybe he would have gotten there in time to hold Beca's hand and tell her that everything was going to ok.

"Fuck!" Jesse mumbled, as he realized he had cut his hand on the broken glass. He watched as the blood began to seep out and he felt his shoulders begin to shake as the tears ran down his face.

He regretted the words he'd said as soon as they rolled off his tongue. He had one job as Beca's fiance and as Bodhi's father and he failed both of them. Now he had to wonder if he just lost the love of his life for good.

As he sat swathed in his own misery, he heard his Grandma's voice in his heart, ' _Get up, go and find her and make it right'_.

Jesse left the mess that he'd just made in favor of going to find Beca. He was determined to apologize and make things right. He had so much to apologize for that he didn't know where to start. He pulled out his phone and made a quick call before searching the house wondering where she was before finally realizing _exactly_ where she would be. As he approached the door to what should have been Bodhi's bedroom, he silently said a prayer that Beca would forgive him and listen to what he had to say.

"Beca…" He said softly as he tapped on the partially open door.

Beca sniffled as she clutched the tiny blanket that Bodhi's body had been wrapped in and the Peter Rabbit stuffed animal that she loved so much as a child. Her mother had brought the rabbit to her a few days after the new year as a gift for the baby and most importantly as a peace offering to her daughter for not accepting her happy news right away.

"What?" She snapped a little too bitterly, looking up to see her fiance as he stood nervously rubbing his hands together in the doorway.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there. I'm sorry for the things I've said and done and most of all, I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I appreciate and accept your apology but ' _I'm sorry'_ doesn't repair what's happened." She said not looking at him, choosing instead to look out the window at the tree she had hoped would house a treehouse for their children.

"I called my sponsor. Donald is on the way over now. I fucked up but I'll make it right. I promise."

"I'm proud of you for calling him." She said after a long pause.

Beca wasn't quite sure how to take Donald. He was more than just a little weird with his perfectly coiffed pompadour haircut, thickly rimmed glasses and unusual style. The man had the ability to rap and beatbox like a pro, always had some quick quip and made a lot of musical references, like saying treble instead of trouble. He was handsome and unique in an modern Asian Indian Buddy Holly type of way.

"I can't risk losing you again." He said as he kneeled next to the rocking chair. He reached out his hand and placed it carefully over hers. His heart leapt when she didn't pull away. "We've already lost Bodhi… we can't lose each other too."

"I'm not going anywhere." She told him quietly, looking at his tear stained face as she leaned forward and kissed him gently. "I'll do what I can to keep you clean and sober but you _have_ to do your part too. We can't keep going down this road. I won't survive it and neither will you."

She had seen Jesse at his best and she had seen him at his worst. She had helped him through some pretty rough, dark times and the one time she really needed him he wasn't there. And yet when he was, she wouldn't let him near. The two of them were at a horrible cross roads, an impasse she wasn't sure they could overcome.

Jesse lifted the hoodie she was wearing and kissed the now empty swell of her belly, something he had been doing since she told him she was pregnant. He was having trouble wrapping his mind around the fact that not long ago, Bodhi had been hanging out in there, growing like normal. Together they had enjoyed feeling him kick and now he was gone. It seemed so cruel, so unfair.

"He looked like he was sleeping…" Jesse told her as he continued to rub her belly. "… he was so tiny and so perfect."

"And he'll always _be_ perfect." She agreed, closing her eyes and remembering the sight of her beautiful, tiny son wrapped in blankets as he was placed in her arms where she held him while he was taking his first and last breaths. She had been there when Bodhi was brought into the world and she was there when he left. It had been the most precious moment of her life and while it was also the most painful, she wouldn't have changed it for the world. "How lucky am I to have someone so precious that it makes saying goodbye so hard?"

"Extremely lucky." Jesse said as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

"What do you think he's doing up there?" Beca asked as her hand found Jesse's. He squeezed their palms together.

"I'd like to believe that he's up there playing with the thousands of other little angel babies and with any luck he's found a best friend, just like you have with Luke. Someone he can tell all his little secrets to."

Beca smiled. She and Luke had been virtually inseparable since they were kids. There was nothing about her that Luke didn't know and vice versa. One of her biggest fears was the day when Luke grew tired of her crap and was no longer there for her.

"Why did you choose the name Bodhi?"

Beca took a deep breath and walked over toward the window, gazing out over the yard that she hoped she'd one day watch her children playing in. "A few days before, I started researching the names that we discussed, then… well… it happened. Anyway, I remembered reading that the reflected image of a Bodhi tree represents life's perfection and to me, Bodhi was and always will be perfect. A few of the symbolic meanings of the Bodhi tree are innocence, peace, hope, light, tranquility… All the things I wished and hoped for Bodhi in his transition from life to death."

"It makes sense now. I should have asked sooner." Jesse said as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, gently rubbing her tummy. "Does it hurt?"

"Does what hurt?"

"When I touch your tummy… does it hurt?"

She turned to face Jesse. "No, I mean _I_ hurt and I'm still a little sore but you touching me doesn't hurt."

Jesse reached up to cradle her face with his hands and kissed her gently. They hadn't really touched since Beca had come home from the hospital; they both missed and needed it desperately. Breaking their kiss because he knew they couldn't finish anything they started, he kissed her cheeks, nose and forehead.

"Where do we go from here?" He asked as he mashed their foreheads together.

"Well… for starters, you need to stop bottling everything up. And definitely stop _reaching_ for the bottle."

"And you need to stop shutting me out."

Beca turned her head away from Jesse. "It's not that easy."

"Why?"

"Because you're angry with me."

"Yes, I'm angry but not with you. I'm angry about the situation. We did everything right and it wasn't good enough."

Desperate to change the subject, Beca smiled. "I think we should focus on your sobriety, then we can get married as planned and try again. It won't bring our little man back again but with hope, a child will happen for us." She told him with a small smile on her face. "That's what everyone keeps telling us… right?"

"So… you still want to get married?" He asked, unable to keep the shock out of his voice.

"Yes, I can't wait to be your wife."

"Are you sure? We can put it off for a while you know?"

"Put what off?"

"The wedding… more kids."

"Jess, I _need_ something to focus on. I need a distraction; I can't stay in bed forever. I have to work and we have a wedding to finish planning. We lost Bodhi but we have to remember that even though he's not here with us, _we're_ still living. As much as it hurts, we have to go on… for him."

"Ok… then I guess we plan a wedding." Jesse smiled wrapping his arms around her waist. "I love you."

Beca lowered her lips to his. "I love you too… more than you'll ever know."

They held each other for a few minutes, heads buried into necks and arms wrapped tightly around each other. They were in no way healed, but the hug symbolized a huge step on the road to their recovery.

"As much as I love this," Beca said, pulling away from Jesse, "we have a memorial to attend to honor our son."

"Yeah, your Mom has worked hard on it. Luke too." Jesse said, standing up and holding out his hand to help Beca up.

"If it's what she needs to get through the day, then it is what it is." Beca said simply.

"Maybe we could invite them over for a dinner when you're feeling up to it."

"Jesse Swanson, are you voluntarily agreeing to have dinner with my parents."

"Yes ma'am, I guess I am." Jesse grinned, pulling the door to the former nursery closed behind him. They walked back to the master bedroom. "My dark blue suit, it's back from the cleaners, right? Thought I'd wear that this afternoon."

"I think that would be lovely." Beca said quietly. "And when we get home, I'd really like for us to spend some time together. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

 **o~O~o**

Beca had good days and she had bad days. The bad far outweighed the good and in the two and a half weeks since she'd been home, she had willing gotten out of bed only a handful of times. Most times she was forced out bed so that Silvana could change the bed sheets. Beca would sit in her favorite chair by the window, listening as Silvana mumbled prayers in Spanish while she was working. It was strangely comforting to listen to Silvana. She knew that Beca would recognize the prayers and hoped that she appreciated them.

While things had gotten a little better with Jesse, they were at least speaking to each other, she missed him but she wouldn't dare say it. She was too angry at the world and everyone in it to actually say it, so instead, she took comfort in his scent left on the sheets. She hated when Silvana changed the sheets because it meant his scent was no longer there. The scent of his body wash and cologne lingered in the room long after he'd gotten up and gone to work.

Today was a particularly bad day, especially since they had had yet another fight a few days before. Try as he might, Jesse couldn't get Beca out of bed. He begged, pleaded, apologized and even tried bribing her with all of her favorite foods and a relaxing dip in the hot tub. He tried telling her that he wouldn't make her watch a movie, as long as she got out of bed. When nothing he tried worked, he called Luke. Unfortunately, Luke was on a date with his new girlfriend Heather and couldn't come over. The next call Jesse made was to Amy. When he told her what was going on she told him, "I got this mate. Be there soon."

Thirty minutes later Amy came barreling through the front door and into the house like a bull in a china shop. "Where is she?"

"Still in bed." Jesse said, pointing upstairs. "She hasn't moved an inch in two days."

"Why?" Amy said giving Jesse the stank eye.

Jesse had the decency to look guilty. "We _may_ have had a pretty big fight a few days ago."

" _May_ have had a fight?"

"Ok… we had a fight."

"And?"

"I _may_ have called her selfish but-"

"-Well, mate… I _may_ have to kick your ass."

"Amy, we both said things we shouldn't have said."

"Would it kill you to show her some compassion? She lost a baby."

"Damn it… so did I!" Jesse bellowed.

Jesse's sudden outburst startled Amy… something that wasn't easily done. She took a step back and soaked in what Jesse had just yelled at her, narrowing her eyes as his statement made its way through her brain. It was true Beca had lost a baby, but so had Jesse. Maybe she needed to cut him a little slack.

"Well mate, she's getting out of bed today." Amy announced shoving Jesse out of the way and stomping up the stairs. "And after I'm through with her, it's your turn."

Jesse watched as Amy and thought, ' _This could go one of two ways.'_ , and either way he had to be prepared to protect his junk.

Throwing the door to master bedroom open, Amy yelled, "Get up munchkin! It's beach day!"

"Damn it! You're too fucking loud. Get out." Beca mumbled into her pillow.

"No. You're getting up and we're going to the beach."

"No, I'm not. It's too cold to go to the beach."

"I didn't say we were swimming." Amy told her. "We're going to get some fresh air. I even packed a picnic lunch."

"Good for you. Have fun."

Amy crawled in the bed and snuggled Beca. "Aww, come on Bec. Come to the beach with me. Please?" She pleaded.

"Call Aubrey... she'll go with you."

"I'm not calling Aubrey. She's no fun!" Amy rolled her eyes. If she had wanted to go to the beach with Aubrey she would have called her. "I'm not going to the beach with her. She criticizes the way I make sand castles... Something about the angles being catty wompus or something equally OCD and anal retentive."

"I'm not going to the beach Amy."

"Please! Please go with me Beca." Amy begged with sad puppy eyes. "Pleaseeeee! I love going to the beach because the ocean makes my butt look so much smaller than it actually is."

For the first time since Amy arrived, Beca giggled because only Amy would compare the size of her ass to the ocean.

"If you say yes, I'll promise not to sing or tell crude jokes at the office for a whole day."

"A week."

"A week? That's too long, how about three days and no more naked pictures of my Bumpy as my screensaver."

"Why can't I have normal friends?"

"Come on Beca. It'll be fine. I'll buy you an ice cream."

"Ok... fine! I'll go!" Beca said throwing the blankets off of her.

"Yeah! We're going to the beach, beach, beach! Let's go get away and-"

Beca turned and cut her eyes at Amy in a way that suggested that if she wanted to remain among the land of the living then she should shut the fuck up. Amy kissed Beca's cheek before she crawled off the bed and said she'd be waiting in the kitchen for Beca when she was ready but if she wasn't down in fifteen minutes, it wasn't Amy's fault if she accidently went skinny dipping as a result.

As Beca walked downstairs with a scowl on her face and her beach tote in hand, Jesse began to wonder why he hadn't left the house while the coast was clear and he still had the chance.

"Did you call her?"

"I might have." Jesse said wincing.

"We'll discuss this when I get home but if by chance I don't make it back, just know that my parents will kick you out of the house and you'll get nothing since I still haven't changed my will." She said as she poked him in the chest with every word she uttered. "I love you!" She called over her shoulder. "Amy… let's do this!"

Jesse has clearly dodged a bullet and he owed Amy a huge debt of gratitude. She had done something that so far, no one else had been able to accomplish and Amy shot him a knowing smile as she raided their fridge.

"I thought you said you'd packed a lunch..." Beca said, poking her head around the kitchen doorway. She watched as Amy filled a shopping bag with treats.

"I did. You just saw it." Amy smirked. "It just so happened to be outta your fridge, not mine. So long Jesse!"

Not knowing how long the girls would be gone, Jesse picked up his keys and headed for the garage as soon as he heard Amy's car leave the driveway. He was on a mission to tick a few things off of his to do list and he was determined to get it done that day. He'd made plans with Pepper to go over the contract but first he had to meet Will for lunch.

And he wasn't quite sure which way either of the meetings was going to go.

 **o~O~o**

Beca enjoyed the drive to the beach, though she was glad that she put her hair up in a messy bun since Amy decided to put the top of her convertible down. Amy was right… something Beca rarely admitted. The weather was amazing and it would have been a shame to waste the day in bed. Beca found herself looking forward to feeling the sand between her toes, some fresh air in her lungs and a breeze on her face.

When they arrived at the beach Beca was happy to see that they were a part of the rare few that chose to spend a brisk March day in the sand and the surf. Santa Monica was always gorgeous, but today it was exceptionally so, and she looked longingly out of the window as the mid morning sun danced across the waves breaking lazily on the sand.

After unloading the car and selecting a great spot, the girls settled in for a day in the sun. Beca was surprised that Amy had brought so much with her but as she unpacked picnic blankets, chairs and a small stereo, Beca was touched to see that Amy had thought of everything. As the girls relaxed into their beach chairs, the conversation came easily. Amy filled Beca in on what had been going on at the office and even admitted to missing her distant moodiness. Amy also told Beca that Lilly and Kimmy Jin seemed to miss her too and asked repeatedly when she planned to return to work.

Beca admitted that she missed work and everyone at the office… even Lilly and Kimmy Jin. They had kept her house filled with flowers, plants and get well baskets of fruit and cookies since she'd gotten home. She was very appreciative of all the well wishes and condolences but agreed that she would see how she was feeling the following week before she made a decision about going back to work. Technically she didn't have to rush back, she had been granted bereavement leave but she was also still on medical leave. Dr. Kaiser cleared her to go back when she was ready and agreed that she would provide a doctor's note for Sawyer when Beca gave her the word.

Amy and Beca were thoroughly enjoying their girl time. It had been a while since Amy had seen Beca smile and she wanted more than anything to be able to help her friend, she missed her. Amy knew there was nothing that she could say or do that would make things better but she hoped by spending time with Beca that it would help her ease back into life as she once knew it.

"Amy, what is Fender's real name?" Beca asked, breaking up a quiet moment as she bit into a slice of apple.

"Bumper..."

"Fender… Bumper… Same thing… right?"

"Not exactly."

"Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto." Beca rattled off the popular phrase. "Come on, spill it, what's Spark Plug's real name?"

"Bumper…" Amy insisted as she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah... Amy whatever. So… what's his real name?"

Amy folded her arms over her ample bosom. "I'm not sure I should tell you."

"Why? It can't be worse than Mudflap."

"Don't be so sure."

"Come on Amy... Just tell me! I can't call him Clutch forever."

"Ok... ok!" Amy huffed, knowing she was going to get grief for Bumper's name. "His name is Richard Babcock."

"I'm sorry, it's what?" Beca asked as she choked on a grape.

"RichardEdweenieBabcock." Amy rattled off quickly, hoping Beca wouldn't catch what she said. "There! I said it!"

"Edweenie?"

"Yes, there was a mix up at the hospital. It was supposed to be Edward, but whoever typed up the birth certificate made a typo.

"Dude! That's one fucking awful typo! Richard ' _Dick'_ Edweenie Babcock! That's awesome! And his parents didn't get that shit fixed? How fucking cruel?! They must truly hate him!"

"Apparently they never got around to changing it because Bumper was a terrible baby."

"Not surprising." Beca said, staring at a cookie for a moment before ultimately deciding to eat it.

"Shut up! He had colic."

"So, ya boy was full of gas… how fitting? Is that why they called him Bumper?"

"No! His nickname is Bumper because his mom was backing out of the driveway and she saw him right before the bumper hit him in the forehead."

"This story keeps getting better and better!" Beca laughed as she rolled around on the beach blanket.

She hadn't laughed that hard since she and Amy were in Vegas. When she realized that was the last place she really laughed she stopped, sat up, reached into her tote and pulled something out.

"What's that?" Amy asked, both curious at the sudden change in Beca's demeanor and what she was holding in her hands.

Beca took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat as tears streamed down her face. "It's … Bodhi."

"What do you mean ' _it's Bodhi'_?"

"This box holds his ashes." Beca said as she stroked the box.

"Ok… and, why did you bring him to the beach?"

"Because…" Beca started before carefully placing the box back into her tote. "Amy… I need you to take me somewhere."

"Ok… where are we going?"

"I'll tell you in the car." Beca said as she took her phone out and started to make a call. "Amy, you ready to go?"

"We're going now?" Amy asked, watching as Beca dusted the sand off of her toes.

"Yep."

"But... but I didn't get to build my sandcastle." Amy said, the disappointment clearly evident in her voice.

"I know." Beca said, packing up her bags quickly. "We'll come back and do it another day."

"Promise?"

"As long as Dick stays at home, yeah?" Beca said, standing and gathering up the picnic blanket. She folded it quickly and Amy picked up all of their belongings. Amy was about to speak when Beca's call finally connected and she started speaking.

Amy watched in confusion. She had no idea who Beca was talking to or why but whatever it was, it was serious. "Thanks Kat, you're the best. I'll see you in about an hour or so."

When Beca ended her call, she put an address into Amy's navigation system and they were on their way. The mood seemed to lighten up again as they talked. During the course of the conversation they got back to Bumper's given name.

"At least his mom didn't name him after a kitchen spice like that hooker chick Pepper's mom did." Amy quipped.

"I don't know Ames… I think I'd rather be named Pepper."

"Car parts are so much sexier than your average everyday run of the mill kitchen spices!"

"Says the chick that's fucking a car part."

"Car parts have weight and texture. You can feel them in your hand... Kitchen spices dilute in broths and disappear, leaving nothing more than a lackluster taste in your mouth."

"I'd rather get fucked by something spicy than have to touch your fender bender."

"What he can do with his _part_ usually leaves me _exhausted_!" Amy laughed, the navigation system indicating the freeway exit they should take.

"Probably because he's full of gas." Beca answered back. Amy reached over and patted Beca's leg.

"It's good to hear the sarcasm."

Beca smiled. "It's good to be back."

They drove the rest of the way listening to music and the monosyllabic tone of the sat nav system giving Amy instructions. When they pulled up outside of Kat Von D's High Voltage Tattoo parlor, Amy looked over at Beca and wondered what she had up her sleeve but didn't dare ask. Whatever it was put a smile on Beca's face and that was all that mattered.

 **o~O~o**

Lunch with Will had gone better than expected. Jesse had initially thought that Will was going to show up with a check and pay him to walk out of Beca's life. To his shock and surprise, that didn't happen. Will had chosen a small French cafe that had just opened at The Grove and Jesse was pleasantly surprised that the menu, and food, was as good as it was. He was desperate for a drink but he remembered his promise to Beca to stay sober. He texted Donald before and after the meal to let him know he'd gotten through lunch ok. He'd turned his ringer off to give Will his full attention and when he turned it back on, he was surprised to see he had eleven missed calls from Pepper.

Resisting the urge to call her back, Jesse had shaken Will's hand warmly and agreed that Jesse should bring Beca to the ' _Petit Cafe'_ when she was feeling more like herself.

As Jesse sat at a red light, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, Will's words kept running through his head, replaying over and over like a bad infomercial. Their talk over lunch had been most informative.

" _Don't give up on her. I know it's hard, but I've been right where you are, twice before we had Beca and once after. Anne was devastated and felt like a failure as a woman. That's something we, as men, will never understand. It's different for a woman. Their bodies go through everything while we sit back and watch. As much as you try to understand, you can't. I don't mean to minimize your loss because you've lost just as much as Beca but please, don't give up on her. She's never given up on you. And whether she admits it or not, she needs you."_

Will had an idea while they were at lunch and though Jesse was on the fence about it, he decided to follow Will's lead as, after all, he knew his daughter better than anyone. And truth be told, his idea wasn't completely terrible… or was it? This idea had the potential to blow up in Jesse's face if Beca rejected it.

The entire drive home, the words Will spoke haunted Jesse… "... _please, don't give up on her. She's never given up on you."_

It was true, Beca had never given up on him.

Jesse's guilty conscious was getting the better of him. He knew he was wrong for what he'd been doing but he was helpless to stop it, especially since Beca had checked out physically and emotionally. As a man, as a human, he had needs and he hated himself for giving into temptation so easily.

He pulled into the driveway and sat there for a minute, gathering his thoughts and his nerve before getting out. Walking around to the other side of the car, he opened the door and took the box off the back seat. "It's now or never." He said as he closed the door with his foot and made his way to the front door.

He walked in the house, unsure if Beca and Amy were back from the beach. "Beca! I'm home."

"Be down in a minute." She called from upstairs.

He was surprised, she almost sounded like her old self. Maybe the time with Amy at the beach had been just what she needed after all.

"Hey!" She said as she walked down the stairs. Jesse immediately noticed she'd showered and put on fresh clothes.

"Hey babe! How was your day with Amy?"

Beca gave Jesse a quick kiss and said, "It was good. It was nice to get out and get some fresh air."

"I have a surprise for you but-"

"-But what?"

"If you like it, then it was my idea but if you don't, it was all your dad's idea."

Beca smiled. "What is it?" Jesse pointed to a box sitting in front of the fireplace. "That's a pretty big box." Beca finally said before walking over and bending down in front of it.

"Are you going to open it or just look at it?"

"Help me with the lid?" Beca said as she kneeled down and lifted off the lid with Jesse's assistance. The gasp that left her lips as Jesse swung the top of the box over her head made him jump but he looked down at her to see the widest smile that he'd ever seen on her face.

"Surprise!" He called out as she turned to look at him before reaching into the box.

"PUPPIES! Oh my God! You got me rottweiler puppies!"

"I did." He smiled as he watched her pull one of the wiggling, furry, squeaking young dogs onto her lap. She lovingly kissed the top of its head before going back for the other one who was making a pathetic attempt to bark at the absence of its friend. Beca held them both to her chest as they burrowed little wet noses into her neck. Jesse grinned broadly as the puppies began licking Beca's cheeks. "Do you like them?"

"I love them already, but why two?"

"Well, I couldn't decide if you'd want a boy or a girl so I got one of each."

"Do they have names?"

"No, you get to name them."

"Well…" Beca started. "They have to have badass names because Fifi and Sam just won't do."

"No, I guess they won't." Jesse chuckled. "What are you thinking?"

"What do you think of Jagger and Roxie?"

"They're perfect!"

"Thank you Jess." Beca said sincerely, batting one puppy away as he tried to nibble her nose.

"No baby, thank _you_."


	28. Chapter 27: Zephyrs and Zealot

**A/N:** **Corinne, You are the bestest beta ever. I appreciate all the time you put into helping make sure this story is perfect. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Chapter 27  
Zephyrs and Zealot  
** **o~O~o** **  
**

" _No! Don't pee there!"_

" _Leave that alone!"_

" _Stop biting your sister's tail!"_

" _Oi! That's_ _ **my**_ _toe!"_

" _Don't eat that!"_

" _NO!"_

" _Sit... sit... I said sit! Oh Jesus... I said sit, not shi-"_

" _Who's idea was this to get you two?!"_

" _Get off."_

" _Oh for the love of a capella... if I feed you AGAIN, will you leave me alone?"_

Beca lay in bed, smiling contentedly as she heard Jesse talking to the two latest additions in the Mitchell-Swanson house. It felt good to smile again, even if she wasn't ready for anything else just yet. She knew she should get up and help him with the puppies but she was rather enjoying listening to him struggle to control the four legged fur balls.

Beca had bonded with them both immediately and they loved her already, tucking themselves into her side when she sat on the floor to play with them. Jesse was a little stricter with them, more reserved and less inclined to play. He asked Beca that they have a few ground rules with the pups; no sitting on the couch, no playing ball inside and they were definitely going to sleep in their kennels or their beds in the family room.

So far, that wasn't going according to his plan!

Subconsciously she rubbed her tummy but the burning pain was no longer in her heart. The two naughtiest puppies in the world had helped her take the step to the next stage of her life and she had half a smirk on her face as she remembered Jesse's instructions that the dogs weren't allowed upstairs in their room. He didn't know that she crept downstairs with a blanket as soon as he had fallen asleep at night and slept on the sofa in the family room with her furbabies, if they were making too much noise in their beds. She usually managed to slip back into their bed before Jesse woke but on the one occasion she heard him in the shower, she quickly went into the kitchen and sat with a coffee when he came to find her, claiming that she had a little trouble sleeping and had only _just_ gotten up.

After a week… that all changed.

Jesse believed everything she said, he was so grateful to see a light in her eyes again. He didn't want to forget his son but he knew that to move on with their lives, they needed to close that particular door and try to make some sense within themselves. As a child, he'd had a couple of stray, flea ridden dogs that seemingly adopted their trailer as home and Jesse remembered his Granny saying that dogs should be kept outside as they'd bring fleas and all sorts of diseases into a home. While Jesse knew that the two wiggling fluff balls he brought home were of pedigree grade and had all of their innoculations and check-ups, his Granny's words rang in his ear. He didn't want the dogs laying on his bed, but that was partly because he wanted Beca's attention for himself.

He wasn't selfish, he understood that she wasn't ready to make love yet, but he missed her and wanted the closeness with her. While Beca was happy to curl up to his side, he wanted and _needed_ more. His mind was a jumble of emotions, questions and what ifs and he knew he only had himself to blame for his trouble sleeping at night.

For a week after Jesse brought Jagger and Roxie home, Beca was on cloud nine. The puppies kept her very busy and Jesse was thankful that Will was right about what she had needed. She enjoyed shopping for cute dog beds, leashes, toys, bowls and bones for the puppies and he loved seeing her face as she showed him what she'd bought that day. He noticed that she had begun to check through her work emails again as she sat on the floor getting covered in delicate licks of puppy love, the sound of pathetic little barks filled the air. He was pleased to see that Beca was beginning to look like her old self again and when she brought up the subject of going to work for an afternoon, he encouraged her to meet Sawyer in the lobby so that she didn't have to go in alone. He texted his boss and asked for the day off to be at home with the puppies so Beca wouldn't find an excuse not to go at the last minute. Bob had agreed, having appreciated all of Jesse's dedication while they were healing.

With strict instructions on how to care for the ten week old pups, Beca left Jesse in charge and decided that she would go to the office just after lunchtime, four weeks after they'd lost Bodhi. She showered, washed and styled her hair and carefully applied simple make up before pulling on a comfortable pair of jeans and her favorite shirt. She was shocked to see how much weight she had lost but as she checked herself in the mirror before she left, she also noticed that the gaunt, pale look she had the week before had all but disappeared.

Kissing Jesse's cheek, she collected her purse and keys and headed out to her car, unable to remember the last time she had driven it. Slipping into the driver's seat, she waved at Jesse as he stood watching her from the front door. As she passed the guard shack on the way out of the subdivision she dug around in her bag for her phone, expecting to find a text as she pulled up to the traffic light. She'd seen Jesse fiddling with his phone as he waved goodbye and thought he was sending her a good luck message for her to read when she got to the office. He hadn't but she thought no more of it as she continued to drive.

Beca was surprisingly nervous as she approached the Warner offices. She turned into the parking lot, pulled into her assigned space and sat for a couple of minutes with the engine running. She closed her eyes and leaned her head on the back of the seat as she listened to the end of the song on the radio.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a couple of taps on the window from the passenger side. Spinning in the seat, she was grateful to see that it was only Sawyer, loitering nervously, silently begging her to put the window down. He looked as uncomfortable as she felt and for some unexplainable reason, this made Beca happy. She smiled as she hit the button, putting the window down.

"Hey you." She said and watched as Sawyer bend down to stick his head through the window.

"Mitchell." Sawyer said formally, in way of a greeting. "I need your opinion on a hot coffee and a Danish in my office."

Beca closed her eyes for a moment, appreciative that he wasn't being too weird around her. "Yes sir!" She said, mock saluting him before pressing the button that sent the glass upward and taking the keys out of the ignition.

She grabbed her purse from the seat and got out of the car. Sawyer was immediately by her side, making Beca wonder if he'd run around the back of the SUV. He pulled her into a tight, friendly but very necessary hug and Beca wrapped her arms around him, remembering Luke's words that other people were also sad about what happened.

"There are a stack of contracts that are desperate for my best talent scout and producer to look through." Sawyer said as he released her.

"I bet there are." Beca groaned, rolling her eyes for good measure. "No one else was available to keep that stuff off my desk, huh?"

"Well, that's the thing..." Sawyer explained as they began to walk towards the building. "... we've all had to help out with your workload, and I had to come up with a detailed babysitting schedule to keep Kimmy Jin and Lilly from doing anything illegal."

"That bad?" Beca laughed, appreciating his efforts to make her return feel as normal as possible.

"Well, everything was going well until..." Sawyer held the door open for Beca as they entered the lobby. Beca smiled and gave a small wave to the girls in reception as they passed through the entrance towards the elevators.

"... until?" Beca reminded Sawyer as he pressed the call button.

"Until it was Amy's turn." Sawyer said.

"Uh oh!" Beca tried not to laugh at the thought of Amy trying to supervise Kimmy Jin. "Any permanent damage?"

"The fire in the break room was under control in two minutes." Sawyer humorlessly explained but Beca could see the twinkle in his eye.

"Lilly?"

"Lilly." Sawyer confirmed as the elevator door opened. "Then there was the incident with the refrigerator."

"Dare I ask?"

"Well, did _you_ know Lilly can fit in there?"

"Umm, can't say that I did!" Beca said, suppressing a giggle. She automatically pressed the button for her floor.

"Yes, she apparently wanted to see if the light really does go off in there when the door is shut."

"And does it?"

"She said it does but that the evil troll ate all of her lunch." Sawyer told her. "By the way, I think the ' _evil troll'_ is Kimmy Jin."

"Had she, by any chance, been sniffing the permanent markers before all of this happened?" Beca asked, watching as the floor numbers rose.

"Yes. She was found with four in her pocket. She used the flashlight app on her cellphone to light up the fridge then proceeded to decorate everyone's lunch boxes and bags with smiley faces. How did you know?" He asked and Beca just smiled as she elevator doors opened to their floor. Sawyer held out his arm, offering for her to go first then walked towards her office.

"I'm glad that was all that happened. A lot worse could have occurred in my absence." Beca said, looking at Sawyer. When he didn't respond, she reached out for his arm. "Please tell me neither of them were left alone in the copy room?"

"Ummm..."

"How many?" Beca asked.

"Nearly 400."

"Kimmy or Lilly?"

"Kimmy. She mocked up an FBI most wanted poster and I have to say the picture she created for Lilly was quite good. The girl has talent!"

Beca couldn't control herself anymore and she burst out laughing. "And you wonder why every year when we discuss my raise, I ask for more than the standard five to seven percent. It's because of what I have to deal with!"

"Name your price next year." Sawyer said with amusement as they reached Beca's office. She took a deep breath as she rounded the glass wall and came upon her two assistants who were sitting stiffly in their chairs, staring at each other.

"Ladies..." Sawyer began but Beca held up her hand to stop him.

"Don't bother. They're having a staring competition and I could offer them a thousand dollars to stop but neither of them will budge until the other one gives up."

"I'll never understand these two!" Sawyer said. "Well, I'll give you a couple of minutes to leave your things. Come to my office and we'll have a quick run through of everything that has been going on while we have that coffee I promised you. Oh... ignore that rather large hole in your office wall. Neither one has confessed to it yet."

Beca shook her head as she turned away from Sawyer and headed into her office, immediately finding comfort in the familiar surroundings. Here, she was Beca Mitchell, Talent Scout and Producer for Warner, not, Poor-Beca-Who-Lost-Her-Baby and surprisingly, she could almost forget about it for a few hours. She set her purse down on her desk and sighed heavily at the huge pile of paperwork on her desk. She was about to turn on her laptop when there was a discreet knock on the door. She looked up, surprised to see Kimmy Jin standing there. Usually their staring battles went on for a good couple of hours.

"Hey." Beca said softly, preparing for an onslaught of bitter words and complaints from Kimmy Jin. She was surprised when her assistant crossed the room quickly and stood closely to her. "Everything ok?"

"Beca, I'm..." Kimmy Jin started. Beca was astonished to see her looking so perfectly normal. Without the glaring and twist to her mouth, Beca noticed how pretty she was. "... It happened to me too, twice in fact, and I just wanted you to know, if you need someone to talk to, someone who understands, I'm here for you. Call anytime, day or night."

Beca raised an eyebrow in Kimmy's direction. "Thank you. I appreciate you saying that. I'm sorry that it happened to you."

"It won't mean anything now but I wanted to give you this. Please don't open it until you're ready, there's no rush. Someone gave me the same thing and it got me through the dark times." Kimmy Jin held out a small bag towards Beca.

"Kimmy, thank you." Beca said, taking the small gift being given to her. She was further taken aback when Kimmy suddenly lurched forward and embraced Beca into one of the warmest hugs she'd ever received. Beca squeezed her back and the two women held onto each other for a few moments.

As they parted, Beca was almost relieved to see Kimmy Jin had her icy expression back. "Tell no one of this encounter." She almost barked as she turned on her heel and left Beca's office quickly.

Confused but warmed by the words and Kimmy's return to her usual demeanor, Beca sat down in her chair and placed the gift bag by her purse. She wasn't quite ready to open the gift yet and if there was something inside the bag that could be considered harmful, she preferred to have witnesses.

She was just about to type her password onto the login screen of her laptop when she was suddenly aware of someone standing behind her. Spinning in her chair, she looked into the large, almond shaped eyes of her slightly more eccentric assistant.

"Lilly? How did you-"

"-Shh, you'll use up your word count for the day." Lilly whispered, putting her finger up to Beca's mouth and quieting her without actually touching her. She straightened up and slipped her hands into her cardigan pockets. Not taking her eyes off Beca, she continued, "Are you ok?"

"Me?" Beca asked, unsure what she should say.

"I've already checked the room for recording devices."

"Oh."

"It's clean, if you are interested."

"Um, thanks." Beca said, wishing Sawyer would walk through the door and help her escape.

"Seriously though Beca, are you ok? You've been through the mill recently. And we've all been really worried about you. At my church, we all said prayers for you." Lilly said, in a perfectly normal voice.

"Church?"

"Uh huh."

"I didn't know you went to church."

"Twice a week. Once on Sunday and usually on a Wednesday to help with the soup kitchen." Lilly said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh." Beca was lost for words, she hadn't expected that from Lilly.

"I've never gone through what you have but I wanted you to know we have all missed you and hope that you and Jesse have the strength to move onto the next stage of your lives. It was strange without you being here and I hope you will come back to work full time really soon."

"Thank you Lilly. And thank you for all the care packages you have been sending."

"It was just a few treats to let you know I was thinking of you."

"And the cactus?"

"Oh, that was to say that I know life can be prickly sometimes but really it is also a beautiful thing."

"Lilly, I do think this is the first normal conversation we have ever had." Beca remarked and watched as Lilly pulled her comb out of her pocket and began to run it through her bangs.

"Sssh, don't tell anyone." She said normally before dropping her voice back to a whisper. "I have a ninja in my bottom drawer who is making Christmas tree ornaments out of paper clips."

Beca closed her eyes for a second as she struggled not to laugh but when she opened them to ask Lilly about the ninja, she was surprised to see she was the only one in the office. Shaking her head and going back to her laptop, she typed in her password and opened her email. She watched with slight dismay as the unopened mail count hit over two thousand but was distracted as an instant message that popped up on the screen.

' _Shortstack! You live and breathe!'_

' _Hey Ames.'_ Beca typed back, happy that Amy wasn't barreling through the door to welcome her back.

' _Well?'_

' _Well what?'_

' _What did J-Dog think of your tattoo?'_

Beca remembered the conversation she had with Jesse the night they got the puppies, that day she had been to the beach with Amy and they had visited Kat von D's tattoo parlor. She had asked Kat to ink her with something very special using some of Bodhi's ashes and she had been unsure how Jesse would react when she told him, and more importantly, showed him.

The tattoo, while small, was extremely meaningful. Bodhi's ashes were carefully mixed with beautiful white ink and meaningfully tattooed on Beca's rib cage, right over her heart. A tattoo of Bodhi's tiny footprints were surrounded by beautiful angel wings and underneath was his name and the date he passed away. Bodhi had been in her life for a very short time, but his impact on Beca's life would be eternal.

' _It kinda got lost when the puppies arrived but he did see it as we were going to bed that night. He didn't really say much but when he thought I was asleep, I felt him running his fingers over it.'_

' _Well, I'm glad he liked it.'_ Amy typed. ' _Bumper's meeting me for lunch so I gotta shoot. Give me a holler over the weekend or something and we'll grab coffee.'_

' _Say hey to good ol' Dicky No-Nuts Babcock for me.'_

' _I will forever regret telling you his name.'_

Beca smirked as Amy logged out of their current chat. She cast her eyes over the ever growing list of emails and one particular contact caught her eye. It was from Cynthia Rose, Beca had been copied in on a message sent directly to Jesse. She read what Cynthia Rose had to say and was quite surprised at the tone but wanted to talk to Jesse about it when she got home.

Knowing Sawyer was waiting for her with coffee and danishes, she abandoned the rest of her work and left her office, ignoring Lilly who was practicing yoga moves on her desk. Beca chuckled to herself before heading to Sawyer's office for a couple of hours.

 **o~O~o**

"This really is a very pretty home Jesse. You did well to get this place."

"It's actually Beca's house." Jesse said without malice. "I moved in almost a year ago but she asked me to leave when she caught me messing about and-"

"-Messing about?"

"She went away for work and I fucked up. Threw a party that got out of hand. We sorted through everything and then I moved back in." Jesse explained.

"So, you've messed about with lots of girls before, have you Jesse?"

"Um, no." Jesse said, going red in the face. "Not girls. Booze."

"And she took you back?"

"Yes." Jesse said confidently.

"And as far as she knows, you've behaved ever since?"

"It needs to stay that way."

"Strange choice of words to use."

"How do you mean?" Jesse asked.

"' _Needs to'_ rather than you _want_ it to."

"Slip of the tongue." Jesse said.

"And we both know how that tongue of yours _slips_ , don't we, baby?"

Jesse coughed loudly as he finished showing Pepper around the rest of the house. He still wasn't sure what possessed him to text her the minute Beca left to go to the office to meet up with Sawyer but he really wanted to see her. She had arrived half an hour later, just as he was kenneling the puppies in the family room. He was flustered from dealing with the dogs but calmed as soon as he saw her on the doorstep. He showed her around, despite her being there a few months before at the New Year's Eve party. He was awkward about her being there as he'd suggested they meet up at the local Starbucks for coffee, even though he had promised Beca he'd stay in with the puppies. She had insisted on coming to him and he hadn't put up much of a fight.

"So how long has Beca been gone?" Pepper asked, shrugging her jacket off her shoulders and handing it to Jesse as they stood in the hallway.

"Less than an hour. She went to the office for a while so I guess she'll be home around four. She'll probably text me when she leaves."

"Awesome. Well, I'll have a coffee before we get down to business."

"Business?" Jesse spluttered out.

"You wanted to go through the contract for the third time, right?" Pepper said innocently, pulling a long tendril of her hair over her shoulder and twisting it in her fingers.

"The contract? Oh… yes, the contract. The contract." Jesse said, passing Pepper's coat from one hand to the other. Feeling flustered and trying very hard not to look at Pepper's cleavage, which was fully on display in her tight v-neck shirt. He looked around for a place to hang her jacket before deciding that the knob on the French doors between the kitchen and dining room looked like the easiest, most accessible place. He slung it over the handle and headed into the kitchen, making a beeline for Keurig machine and grabbing a mug on his way through.

"Oh Jesse." Pepper laughed as she watched him hovering in front of the coffee maker. "You have so much to learn at times."

"What do you mean?" Jesse asked, looking confused. Pepper took the mug from him and set it down on the kitchen counter.

"Coffee. I didn't mean..." Pepper said, sliding herself up to him and placing a hand on the back of his neck, drawing his face towards hers. Their mouths were soon an inch apart.

"What did you mean then?" Jesse asked, his heart pounding in his chest.

"There was one room you didn't show me upstairs." Pepper said, lowering her voice as her lips gently brushed over his.

"Which one?" Jesse mumbled, conscious of his mouth ghosting over Pepper's as he spoke.

"Well, I didn't see the master suite."

"Oh."

"And I'd _really_ like to."

"Oh."

"Uh huh." Pepper said, reaching down to the front of Jesse's jeans and placing her hand over the zipper.

"Oh. _Coffee_."

"Yes..." Pepper said as the realization of what she had meant finally hit Jesse. " _Coffee_."

"I see." Jesse said, pulling away from her. "Beca will-"

"-won't be home for hours. You said so yourself."

"Yes, but-"

"-No buts, unless it's your naked butt in your bed."

"We'll get caught."

"By whom? Come on Jesse. It's obvious you want this as much as I do."

"That's... I mean, I love Beca."

"And I love Dr. Pepper but that doesn't mean I don't love a Sprite every now and then. As long as Dr. Pepper doesn't find out, what's the problem?"

"The problem is-"

"-Do you want this?" Pepper asked as she held the hem of her shirt and pulled it straight over the top of her head, unclasping her bra in the next movement. She threw both items onto the floor as she held both of her breasts in her hands and looked at Jesse. She heard him whimper as he took in the sight of her. "You like the look of these, don't you? Better than Beca's, huh?"

Jesse would have been inclined to agree, but he would never tell Beca that. He almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of it all. As if he could tell Beca he was staring at another woman's naked breasts. As he examined the display in front of him, he couldn't help the fire in his groin from starting. He thought Pepper was extremely attractive with her plump, perky breasts and perfectly toned body. Not that he didn't think Beca was beautiful and had a kick ass figure but it had been a while since Little Jesse had been given something to get worked up about.

Doing his best to control himself, he didn't notice Pepper take a couple of steps back, dropping her hands on to her hips. Looking up as she coughed slightly, he couldn't take his eyes off of her ruby red lips with the corners of her mouth turned up into a sly smile. Her tight jeans were riding just a little low, allowing a taunting view of the top of her panties emphasizing the narrowness of her waist and the round softness of her hips.

Pepper broke the silence, "How do I look?"

"Meh." Jesse responded, shrugging his shoulders. He was so torn. He wanted to tell Pepper to get the fuck out but at the exact same time, he wanted to scoop her up in his arms and kiss her with everything he had.

"I'll show you meh!" Pepper laughed as she playfully punched Jesse on his arm.

"I think you should go." Jesse whined, weakly.

"Is that what you really want?" Pepper asked, slowly beginning to unbutton her jeans.

"Yes." Jesse said, closing his eyes.

"Is it?" Pepper asked again.

Jesse didn't answer and tried to train his thoughts back to Beca but all he could see was the beauty in front of him.

"Jesse? Do you want me to leave?"

"No." He said, in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Then let's go upstairs." Pepper said as she held out her hand for Jesse to take. "And I'll make you forget everything else for a couple of hours."

"No one can know about this." Jesse said cowardly.

"Deal."

Jesse took the hand held out to him and allowed himself to be pulled out of the kitchen and towards the staircase. "Enough with the puppy dog eyes. You want this as much as I do." Pepper said, pausing at the first step. She looked down at the bulge in his jeans. "It's kinda obvious."

For the first time in a couple of weeks, Jesse allowed himself to be indulged in the moment as he let the sane part of him be talked out of all rational thinking and like a switch, he felt the wash of his addictive personality flood over him. Immediately, he felt comfortable with what was happening and he already had a dozen excuses lined up if Beca came home early and saw Pepper's car in the driveway.

Pepper's eye lit up like a Christmas tree as she saw the change in Jesse. "There you are!"

"Here I am!" Jesse said, grabbing Pepper around the waist and kissing her bare shoulder. "You'd best get upstairs before I change my mind."

Pepper giggled as she ran up the stairs with Jesse chasing her, just a split second behind. At the top of the stairs, Pepper let Jesse take charge and he grabbed her by the hand and pulled her towards the master bedroom.

"The royal entrance!" Pepper giggled as he kicked the door shut with his foot.

"Do _you_ have a royal entrance?" Jesse smirked as he unzipped his hoodie.

"Depends on if you are a prince or a king." Pepper encouraged the playfulness as she laid out on the bed, mildly impressed by the opulence of the room. She watched as Jesse took off his shirt and kicked off his shoes, not caring where they landed.

Pepper crawled on the bed, tucking her knees underneath her. Her back was turned slightly towards Jesse. She batted her eyelashes and held her finger to her lips in a mock-sensual pose.

Jesse laughed and raised an imaginary camera to his eye and pretended to start taking pictures, rotating the fake camera, mimicking a photo shoot. "Yes, yes, make love to the camera, daaaahlin'," he said in a faux European accent. He had no idea where it came from as he refused to consider he was mocking Luke, not wanting to think about anything to do with Beca in that moment.

Pepper tried to stifle a laugh as she continually changed poses. She held her hair up and pushed her chest out before dropping her head back and licking her lips. She was thoroughly enjoying watching Jesse appreciate her role play and her curves. She raised herself up onto her knees and leaned forward onto her elbows, giving Jesse a view of her denim clad ass. Jesse knew there was definitely no turning back at this point but he no longer cared. He was so turned on by some of the poses, that he wished the pretend camera he was holding was real so he could have kept the photos for future reference and viewing.

As Pepper struck another pose, her yoga and pole dancing skills started coming out in force, she looked behind her and giggled. "Oh God, that _is_ embarrassing." She laughed, spotting the waistband of her thong over the top of her jeans. She started to tuck it back in, making sure Jesse was taking in all of the details

"I wouldn't call it embarrassing. I was actually thinking it was looking pretty hot!" Jesse breathed out. Pepper smiled, knowing exactly what she was doing as she and pulled her thong a little higher out of her pants, making it more distinctive. She watched Jesse smile behind the imaginary camera.

As their game continued, Pepper's poses started to get more provocative. She held her breasts in both hands, tweaked her nipples, slapped her ass and ran her fingers between her legs. Jesse began to get more and more involved, making suggestions of what she should do next, "Turn on your side and lay like Rose in the Titantic... what if you opened your legs a little wider... yes, lick your fingers like that. Jesus, that's good..."

"What if I take my jeans off?" Pepper suggested innocently.

"Uh, yeah, I think that would look good."

Kicking off her leopard print heels, Pepper lowered her already unzipped jeans over her hips and slid them down her legs. Leaving her thong in place, she lay back on the bed and let her knees fall to the side as she tried to look innocently at Jesse. He watched, enraptured, hooked by what he has seen so far. He couldn't help but want more.

"How about if you turn over onto your stomach?" Jesse asked.

Pepper complied. Her round ass was exposed as she lifted her hips and once again tucked her knees underneath her. She looked back at Jesse with stunning blue eyes, her hair falling over one shoulder and framing her face perfectly.

"You look amazing," Jesse says, barely even blinking as he stared at Pepper's supple yet athletic body. Pepper smiled and turned her head back so she could stare back at Jesse.

"Come here." She said, calling him over. Jesse walked towards her, laying on the bed that he shared with Beca. Pepper crawled between Jesse's legs and like the vixen she was, unbuckled his belt with her teeth, growling slightly as she pulled on the strap. She unzipped his pants with fast, nimble fingers and pulled them down past his knees. Her face was level with the bulge in Jesse's boxers. She leaned forward and bit down on the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down as her fingernails dug into the back of his thighs.

Jesse's cock bounced free, grazing Pepper's cheek. She looked up at him and nodded appreciatively. Without further words or warning, Pepper opened her mouth to envelope his junk.

Jesse was mesmerized as his penis disappeared inside Pepper's mouth. In the back of his mind he was willing himself not to cum immediately, but seeing Pepper's naked body above his while she sucked his cock was so incredibly hot and so unforgivable that he didn't want the moment to end. She swirled her tongue, slowly circling the head of his cock.

Jesse blew out the air in his mouth as he held the back of Pepper's head. ' _I'll put an end to this in a minute.'_ He promised himself as she continued to suck and lick Jesse's hard cock. Saliva dripped from her chin as she greedily pulled on his shaft. Jesse knew he couldn't last much longer, he could feel the beginning of the tension of an orgasm. He pulled back from Pepper with an audible slurp escaping her mouth.

"It's my turn now, Pep."

It only took a moment, but Pepper realized what he meant. She giggled as she rolled over. Jesse removed the rest of his clothes and crawled on top of her. His face level with her wet panties as his hands slid up the outside of her thighs. She shivered as he pulled her panties down past her ankles and tossed them on the floor. Jesse opened her legs and lowered his face down into the apex of her thighs.

She gasped as he ran his tongue from the bottom of her slit slowly up to the top. Her body almost convulsed when he finally made contact with her sensitive clit. She was impressed that he seemed to know what he was doing. She brought her legs up around his head as Jesse began probing her with his tongue, swirling around her clit and penetrating her entrance.

Pepper started to moan, writhing under Jesse's onslaught. "Don't stop, Jesse. Please." He nodded in agreement as Pepper began rocking her hips; she had been expecting a quick, fumbled fuck and hadn't banked on Jesse taking the time to do her properly. She had wanted a release after months of frustration, her last proper lover having left her for her best friend's sister. She'd made do with a couple of one night stands since then. She reached down and ran her fingers through his hair as he continued to suck on her clit.

She could feel an orgasm beginning and held her breath to increase its intensity. She thought of all the times she had managed to do that on her own while touching herself, while thoughts of having Jesse do this to her were running through her mind. She didn't want to think about the fact that he belonged to someone else, she felt she deserved what was happening and couldn't bear the thought that rich chicks always got the decent guys.

Jesse's wandering tongue struck a nerve, bringing her back to the present moment as the waves of pleasure began in her toes. ' _It's really happening!'_ She thought as her orgasm came crashing down, her body tensing as she called out, "Ohhh, yes! That's the spot! Yes! Don't stop!" Jesse continued his oral feast until it was more than she could bear. She pushed his head away and turned onto her stomach to escape the constant orgasm and looked up at Jesse.

She couldn't quite place the look on his face as her breathing returned to normal. She could see Jesse was overcome with passionate desire for her. But he also had an expression that turned her on, it was the bad boy image he wore when he played with his band, the in control look of someone who took no orders from anyone else.

"I want to fuck you, Pepper. Hard." He said, breaking the silence.

She nodded as he flipped her over and crawled up her body. She could see his junk bobbing, desperate for its release as she opened her legs as far as possible, letting Jesse's hips sink between her thighs. His cock lined up with her entrance, feeling the warmth of her core on the head of his junk. Without asking permission, Jesse leaned forward on his arms and shoved himself in between Pepper's legs with one long, very hard thrust.

He penetrated her so deeply that Pepper let out a loud gasp, "Oh God, I've wanted you so bad for so long."

"I've wanted you too, Pepper. I've wanted to be inside of you so bad." Jesse murmured, unsure of what he was saying.

Jesse began to long stroke her, drawing himself almost completely out of her before thrusting into her relentlessly, fucking her with everything he had as he pushed deep against her swollen walls. Pepper began to unashamedly moan, begging him not to stop. Her hands wandered over his shoulders as he picked up the pace and her eyes rolled as he thrust painfully inside her. Jesse grabbed her wrists and pinned them down, outstretched to the side of her. Pepper started panting and her breathing became more labored as Jesse pounded against her, his rocking motion catching her clit in such a manner that she had orgasmic ripples flood over her in a painful wave. She was so turned on by Jesse taking control of her body, from being used so vigorously after such a slow start. She had dreamed of Jesse simply taking her one day, and fucking her until she was numb.

She pushed upward to meet his thrusts, desperate for him to be even deeper inside of her. Pepper looked over at the bedroom door, wishing with all her might that Beca would walk through and catch them so she could keep Jesse forever. The thought of her lover's fiancée catching them triggered another massive orgasm, and she let out an incredible scream.

Jesse could feel Pepper's walls tighten around his cock as she fell apart underneath him. He was fucking her wildly, feeling his impending orgasm build up with every second. He was so desperate to kiss her but despite everything he was doing to another woman, he didn't want his tongue in someone else's mouth. Soon he could feel the tingling in his balls and knew he _should_ pull out and stop.

"I'm going to cum." He moaned, unable to control himself.

"Cum inside me, Jesse. I want to feel your hot cum inside of me!"

Moments later, Pepper could feel herself fill with Jesse's hot cum as he grunted and collapsed on top of her. She could feel his sweat mixing with hers as they lay rocking gently to catch their breath.

"Was it as good as you had hoped it would be?" Pepper laughed as Jesse looked her in the eye. She could see the change in him immediately.

"Oh my God… what the fuck have I just done?"

 **o~O~o**

"Jesse, I'm home!" Beca called as she walked into the house.

She was exhausted after spending a few hours in the office and had to resist calling Luke on the way home to see if he wanted to grab a quick drink. She wanted to get home to Jesse and their puppies and see how he had managed with them on his own. As she hung her coat on the hook in the closet, she immediately heard the washing machine going and smelled the fresh, lemon scent of her cleaning products.

"Jesse?" She called again as she walked into the kitchen, not seeing him anywhere. She heard a yelp coming from the direction of the family room and quickly headed in that direction. As she entered the room, she was met with a flurry of excitable puppy yips and little barks. "Hey! You two missed me? How are you? What a welcome home!"

Beca sunk to her knees, opened the kennels and loved on the puppies for a few moments.

"Where's..."

"Hey..." Jesse said and Beca's head snapped up to see Jesse uncurl himself from the sofa.

"Hey!" Beca said, rising quickly and walking over to him. She bent down and kissed him. "You ok?"

"Yes. Why?" Jesse said sharply as both of the puppies growled at him, clearly unhappy about having been locked in their kennels all afternoon.

"No reason." Beca said, surprised at his tone. "You've showered."

"Yeah, um, I got, um..."

"Covered in puppy love?" Beca smiled.

"Something like that."

"I'm just gonna run upstairs and get changed. Are you ok? You look a little flushed."

"I'm fine." Jesse said, sitting up on the couch and looking at the floor.

"Ok. Well, I'll just be a minute and then you can tell me all about your afternoon."

"Why?"

"Jesse, what's wrong? You are acting-"

"-Sorry." Jesse said quickly, not able to look her in the eye. "I think I'm coming down with something. I'm feeling a bit off."

"Oh babe..." Beca said, moving to sit next to him on the couch. She pressed her hand to his forehead as he turned his head towards her. She could see his red rimmed eyes and knew right away that he had been crying. She decided not to press him for any more information and pulled him to her for a hug, ignoring his stiffness. She kissed his cheek. "I can make your favorite dinner tonight, that might make you feel better."

"Might do." Jesse said quietly.

"Stay put with the puppies and I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Ok."

Beca kissed him on the lips before she headed upstairs to get changed into her sweats. She felt better than she had in a month and was really sad that Jesse looked so upset, guilty almost. She pushed their bedroom door open and was surprised to see that the bedding was different than Silvana had put on their bed just a couple of days before.

Thinking that Jesse had gotten really sick while she was out, she quickly ran down the stairs to talk to him. He was just tucking his phone into his pocket as she walked into the room, watching her footsteps as one of the dogs tried to climb up her leg.

"What happened to the sheets?"

"Upstairs?" Jesse questioned.

"Yeah."

"I changed them cuz Jagger lifted his leg on the sheets."

"Wow!"

"Wow what?" Jesse gulped.

"I can't even get them to follow me up the stairs without them tumbling back down." Beca laughed as she reached out to stroke Jagger's head as he tried, unsuccessfully, to climb up on to the sofa next to her. Reaching down, she pulled him into her lap, followed by Roxie. "One afternoon with you and they are climbing the stairs and peeing on the bed." She teased and Jesse smiled. "You have the magic touch."

"I guess!"

"If you're feeling bad, do you want to go and lie down?" Beca asked.

"No, I do actually need to talk to you about something." Jesse said seriously.

"Ok." She said, standing up. "Follow me upstairs. I'm gonna take a quick shower. I want to wash the office funk off of me."

"All right." Jesse said. "I'll be up in a second."

Jesse watched her as she put the puppies back down on the floor and walked out of the room, a pang of regret in his heart. Swallowing it, he vowed to make it up to Beca somehow. He wasn't going to let one more moment of stupidity ruin what they had. Standing up, he gathered up the paperwork he'd been looking over for the past few weeks. He was really pleased to see that Beca was approachable after her return to work. He hadn't wanted to talk business with her for so many reasons, which is why he was hesitant to approach her about reading over the contract for the band. He wasn't sure she was ready to come back down to Earth just yet. Seeing her look almost back to normal, he knew it was the right time and after ignoring urgent emails from Cynthia Rose, it was necessary to get it signed and returned soon.

Jesse had been carrying the contract around for weeks but with everything that had happened there never seemed to be a good time to bring it up with Beca. The problem was, Cynthia Rose had called… again, just before Beca had gotten home, only this time she was was very stern and a lot less than understanding. She gave Jesse exactly forty eight hours to make a decision or she was going to terminate the contract. So, it was now or never.

"Hey babe…" Jesse called nervously when he heard Beca get out of the shower. He was sitting on the edge of their bed, doing his best not to look guilty about the afternoon's activities. "Can you take a look at something for me?"

"Sure… What is it?" Beca called from the bathroom.

"Umm… the contract Cynthia Rose gave me."

"Oh, yeah… I'd love to." Beca said as she walked into their bedroom wrapped in a towel and followed by two very happy puppies who were doing their very best to lick all the drops of water from her legs.

Beca had gotten used to the puppies following her everywhere she went in the short time they had had them. If she was up and moving around the house, the puppies were hot on her heels, barking pathetically at her flip flops or growling at anything she was doing if she wasn't playing with them. And while Jesse thought they _should_ sleep in the family room, Beca thought differently. They tried things his way for about a week, it wasn't long before Beca won the argument. The puppy beds were safely tucked under the window on Beca's side of the bed.

"You sure you don't mind? I mean, I know you're not back at work full time yet and it's technically a conflict of interest because I'm signing with a competing record label but I just-"

"-Just don't want to get taken to the cleaners?" Beca smiled, holding out her hand.

"Yeah, something like that." Jesse said as he handed Beca the contract.

Jesse sat on the bed and watched nervously as Beca read the contract. He took in every facial expression she made and silently wondered what each one meant. Jesse was clearly nervous because reading the contract would cause Beca to ask questions that he really wasn't prepared to answer. He began wondering if he should have asked her to read through it at all. Would it have been that bad to just sign the damn thing? From what he knew of Cynthia Rose, she didn't seem to be the sort to offer him a bad deal.

Beca chewed on the end of her ink pen as she read, making a few notes in the margins as she went. The contract was pretty cut and dry, though in Beca's opinion, there were a few things that could be tweaked and negotiated but otherwise it was solid and offered Jesse and The Riff some great perks and benefits. Cynthia Rose was usually straightforward when it came to her business dealings and always made sure to dot all of the i's and cross all the t's. This contract was no exception.

"I can hear you breathing!" Beca said, looking up at him. "I know this contract is important to you and the guys but Cynthia Rose won't sell you out. Listen, go and get some iced tea for us and I'll be finished reading this by the time you get back, then we'll email Cynthia Rose the revisions and you'll promise to sign it tomorrow provided she makes the suggested changes."

"Ok, sounds good."

"I saw one of the emails from her today and to say that she was on your case is the understatement of the century."

"Yeah, I've been putting it off with everything that has been going on. But I feel it's on me to get everyone a good deal. The guys and, um, the, um, female singer, are, uh, all relying on me."

"If by the ' _female singer'_ , you mean Pepper, I think you are offering her a great opportunity." Beca said innocently.

Jesse stood up quickly. "I'll get the drinks." He mumbled before heading out of the door. He reached the kitchen just as the phone buzzed in his pocket.

" _This afternoon was fun. I ache, but in an ah-mazing way."_

" _She doesn't suspect anything."_

" _Told you so. Same time next week?"_

" _I'm not sure that's such a good idea."_

" _She'll be back to work soon and we'll be busy getting the band into the recording studio. She won't suspect anything."_

" _This was a one time deal."_

" _You can't deny the chemistry Jesse."_

" _I know. I do kinda miss you."_

" _So, same time next week?"_

" _Ok."_

Changing into something more comfortable, Beca ran a brush through her hair and tied it up into a messy ponytail. There was something bugging her about the contract and she needed Jesse to explain something. She pushed her feet into a pair of comfy slippers, clicked her fingers for the puppies to follow her and walked slowly down the stairs, encouraging the dogs to negotiate the stairs themselves. She found Jesse in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with two glasses of iced tea next to him. After reading the contract through twice, Beca had just one nagging question for Jesse.

"Well… does it look good?" Jesse asked, nodding towards the paperwork in Beca's hand.

"Yeah, I think."

"You think?" Jesse asked.

"Did you add another female backup singer?"

"No… why?" Jesse questioned knowing this was going to come up at some point.

"I'm confused." Beca said.

"Why? Do you think Cynthia Rose made a mistake?" Jesse asked, knowing clearly that she hadn't.

"It's possible but not probable."

"Umm… ok, then what is it?"

Beca arched her brow and went on the defensive. "Jess, I thought Pepper was being named on the contract."

"Uhh… She is."

"Show me… where is her name?"

"Right here." Jesse said pointing to the contract.

"So, Pepper's real name is Chloe Beale?!"

* * *

 **A/N: So... I ended this chapter with cliffhanger number 1,594,358... and I think it may just be one the best cliffhangers this story will offer. Please don't kill me! Once your shock has worn off, I look forward to hearing your thoughts.**


	29. Chapter 28: Judgments and Jeering

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. The holidays are a killer!**

 **Corinne: Thank you for always having my back & kicking me in the ass when I need it. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 28**  
 **May 31, 2014**  
 **o~O~o**

Luke adjusted his tie as he stood in front of the highly polished glass door of the guest house that morning. He'd spent the past few weeks by Beca's side. He was there for all the good days and the bad, for all the appointments, the dress fittings, the trips to the florist and numerous cake tastings. He had even been there when Beca called him at three in the morning, crying because Jesse was acting distant, weird and she was really worried that he was getting cold feet. Luke wanted to kick Jesse's ass but ultimately decided to calm Beca down first before he encouraged her to speak to Jesse about her fears and what was going on. Hours later, she called back to say that she'd talked to Jesse and that he promised her that he was fine. She admitted that she still wasn't really sure but Luke swallowed before reassuring her that Jesse probably just had a case of the jitters and to enjoy the time leading up to the wedding. Despite choking on his own assurances, he seemed to have found the words necessary to calm Beca down.

Luke had been Beca's right hand man while she prepared for the wedding and she knew she couldn't have gotten through all those weeks without his constant, unwavering support. Most guys would have made up a laundry list of excuses why he couldn't help out, but not Luke. Helping Beca was a something Luke didn't mind doing, because they got to spend time helping her plan the most important day of her life.

As important as everything else was, Luke had one job left to do.

When he was certain that he looked presentable, he knocked and waited patiently for Jesse to answer the door. He was amazed to see Jesse was still wearing his sweats when he should have been dressed for the wedding especially since he was getting married in less than two hours. Luke took a deep breath, gritted his teeth and smiled the warmest smile he could manage.

"Hey Luke… what's up?" Jesse said, slightly shocked by the surprise visit from his arch nemesis. He held out his hand for Luke to shake which Luke took reluctantly.

"Good afternoon. May I please have a word with you?" Luke asked.

"Sure, come in." Jesse said opening the door wide enough for Luke to walk through, pushing a trash bag with his foot to make room. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes." Luke said, and cleared his throat. "I want to have a quick word before the wedding."

"Ok… have a seat." Jesse said, motioning towards the couch.

Luke nodded, mumbling under his breath as he heading towards the sofa. He unbuttoned his jacket, smoothed down his tie and he sat down, careful not to crease his suit before the festivities started. "Look, I'm not going to mince words, bugger about, dance around the issue, flog a dead horse or pretend there isn't an elephant in the room so just hear me out."

"Sure but you were quite long winded so…" Jesse tried to joke but stopped when he saw the look on Luke's face and quickly cleared his throat. "... what can I do for you?"

"You can listen because what I have to say is bloody important." Luke told him in response to his obviously stupid question, maintaining fixed eye contact the whole time. "As Beca's _best_ and oldest friend, I feel it is my duty to stand up for her when she is unable to do so for herself. For some, frankly unfathomable reason, she loves you with everything she has and while I cannot fully comprehend what she sees in you, I have to trust that she is making the decision with her heart... _and_ her head... when she becomes your wife in a couple of hours time. I believe it is necessary to tell you that if you _dare_ fuck this up, you will have to answer to me and trust me, I will not play nice."

Jesse nodded knowing full well that Luke wasn't kidding. If he hurt Beca in any way, he was a dead man.

"This last year has been extremely difficult for her, well for both of you and losing Bodhi almost killed her and, quite frankly, I am not sure she'll survive anymore of your shit. When you hurt her and you hurt me." Luke continued. "If necessary, I will go all British on your arse. And if you think her mother is scary, you should know that I have _connections_ and there is nothing that the Queen's Royal Guard would not do for me or my family. It is no secret that you and I are not friends but for Beca's sake, we need to get along. Please do not give me any cause to call on the Corgis."

Luke waited for some kind of response from Jesse but all he got was a blank stare, there wasn't even a hint of recognition that Luke was lying through his teeth about having connections to the Queen. Even when faced with the facts, Jesse couldn't manage to defend himself and sat looking at Luke, wishing that he had the guts to tell him to get out. He was only feeling that way because he knew what Luke was saying was actually true. Luke shouldn't have expected anything different from Jesse, he was the definition of a coward.

"I am not sure if any of what I am saying is penetrating your thick skull or not but just know that Anne and Will can and will make your life a living hell." Luke continued. "If you fuck this up, I will personally kick your hoofwanking bungle prick arse clear into the next century. Have I made myself crystal clear?"

Jesse gulped but managed to nod a couple of times while wondering what in the hell a hoofwanking bungle prick was. In truth, he was a little intimidated by Beca's best friend and he knew he probably had guilt written all over his face. Luke's size alone was pretty scary, but his dedication to his best friend was even scarier. The dude worked out very faithfully at least twice a day and while Jesse wasn't a lightweight, he didn't stand a chance in hell against Luke. "I don't plan on fucking anything up."

Luke chuckled humorlessly. "You really are as dumb as you look."

"What do you mean?" Jesse asked, beyond confused.

"No one _plans_ to fuck up, but when we do, we do not plan on getting caught." Luke warned, standing up from the couch. "You had better not ever let me catch you having your cake and eating it too. If I do, I will fuck _you_ up. Beca means the world to me and I would move Heaven and Earth for her. I would do anything for her, even if it means going to jail for killing your lying, cheating, scheming, no good, gold digging arse."

Jesse threw his hands up. "Luke, I don't know where this is coming from-"

"-And you do not _need_ to know. What you _do_ need to know is that I will be watching you. One toe over the fucking line and your arse is mine. I do not trust you one little bit but I will not ruin Beca's life over my reservations. I hope like hell that you prove me wrong because this is the one and only time that I would love to be wrong. Now for the love of God man, hurry up and get ready. You look bad and smell worse than a baboon's ass. Grow a pair and quit acting like a wanker."

Luke didn't wait for a response, he just walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Jesse was left standing there not knowing whether to scratch his watch or wind his ass. Did Luke already know what he had done with Pepper? Was Luke having him followed? Should he call the wedding off? It was only too late once he and Beca had said ' _I do'_.

While he would happily admit that he was scared shitless of Will, Anne _and_ Luke, did he want to let them win or would he rather prove them all wrong? Jesse pondered the idea of fleeing to Mexico. He knew he had enough cash in his wallet to get to get there but was walking or in this case running away really the answer? Alone with his thoughts his eyes swept across the room in an effort to focus on something as thousands of thoughts were running through his mind.

Walking away would hurt Beca but Luke would help her pick up the pieces and in time, she would fall in love again. Could he do that to her? He'd already done so much to her that she knew absolutely nothing about. He did love Beca but was it enough? He'd never fallen out of love with her, even when he was homeless and angry at her and the world, he still loved her.

Jesse was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear Casey walk up behind him, completely forgetting his brother was in the guest house with him getting ready.

Casey entered the room, carefully making sure the coast was clear before he came out of the bedroom and looked cautiously towards the door. "You ok bro?"

"Dude… did you hear what just happened?" Jesse asked, still shocked about what happened. "Did you hear what that asshole said to me?"

Casey's eyes got as big as dinner plates. "I think everyone within a ten mile radius heard that. Is Luke really Bruce Banner in disguise? Dude has some real anger issues. You might want to-"

"-Can it Casey! I don't have the time or patience for your jokes right now."

"No need to act like a toddler in a tiara." Casey said jokingly in an attempt to lighten the mood but all was lost on Jesse as he paced the floor like a caged animal. "I'm on your side, remember? I'm just saying that the dude is huge and he's angry that _you_ got the girl. His girl, his best friend. I'm not sure I'd fuck with him."

Jesse was getting ready to respond to Casey when he received a text message. Thinking it was from Beca, he excitedly pulled his phone from his pocket, grateful for the distraction from what had just taken place.

"Dude… what are you doing?" Casey spoke quietly a couple of minutes later. He had watched Jesse exchange a few messages with someone but Casey knew it wasn't Beca who was messaging him. The look on Jesse's face clearly showed this was something new and exciting, rather than the look of familiarity from the woman he was about to wed. Casey was beyond pissed off. Like his brother, he'd had a rough start in life but on the day of his wedding, he shouldn't have been messing around with another woman.

"What do you mean?" Jesse asked, finally looking up from his phone.

"You're getting married in a few minutes and you're standing here texting that hooker." Casey said bluntly.

"What hooker? What are you talking about?" Jesse asked, slipping his phone back into his pants pocket. "And what's it to you anyway?"

"You _need_ to end it. What you're doing isn't right." Casey told him sternly.

"I have no idea what you-"

"-Jesse." Casey sighed. "You may think that by sneaking out into the backyard at three in the morning, no one is going to hear you but dude, you might want to check who else is awake before you fiddle the flesh flute."

"What the-"

"-Yeah bro. I thought hood rats jumped the fence so I got up to see what was going on. I heard you liquidating the inventory while you were talking on the phone to someone that definitely wasn't Beca. At first, I thought you'd called one of those phone sex hotlines, but then this morning, I came out to get a drink and saw your phone on the counter with a picture of Pepper in quite a compromising position."

"You went through my phone?" Jesse asked, paling quickly.

"No brother, I didn't. But I've been around the block with you enough to know you. It didn't take long to figure out what you were up to."

"What I do is none of your bus-"

"-You're stringing _both_ of them along. It's going to jump up and bite you in the ass one of these days. And that ain't gonna be pretty for anyone… least of all you."

Jesse sighed as flopped on the couch and sank into the cushions. He looked up at his brother, knowing he was right but he also knew that he couldn't help himself. "It isn't as easy as that. I'm addicted to her and fuck if she's not feeding into the addiction... probably on purpose."

"All the more reason to break it off."

"I can't help it. I _need_ Pepper as much as I _need_ Beca."

"You're an asshole!" Casey yelled. "An absolute fuck up! What has Pepper got over Beca? Shit dude, Beca is beyond the perfect woman for you."

"Except for..."

"Except for what?"

"Nothing."

"Is this about Bodhi? Are you seriously blaming her for losing your boy?"

Jesse sighed so hard, Casey felt his brothers breath on his face. "No, I guess not."

"Don't be a fucktard. Get your shit together, right now... because you are about to make a commitment to a girl who truly loves you. And yeah, like that British bulldog, I don't know what the hell Beca is doing with you but she's beyond cool and you need to-"

"-She knows how to make me tick. She pushes all of my buttons."

"Beca does?"

"No... Pepper. She's intoxicating."

"Well then, you need to break it off with Beca-"

"-I can't! I won't!"

"You _have_ to!"

"When did you become Mr. Holier-Than-Thou?"

"I never said I was-"

"-Well you're sure as hell acting like it!"

Casey ran his fingers through his hair. "I know you don't believe me but when I met Amber something changed. She makes me a better person. She makes me _want_ to do the right thing. Amber is a good person and most importantly, she sees the best in me."

"Oh so because you've me-"

"-Listen, do what you want but if you're going to continue to fuck the floozy, then you can't marry Beca and I won't stand by and watch you fuck this up."

"I'll do what I damn well please!" Jesse blurted out, more through fear of losing Pepper than of losing Beca.

"Fine! But I'm not going to be any part of it and I'm not going to allow my daughter to be ruined or influenced by the likes of you!"

"What's wrong with you? We used to be thick as thieves."

"Even thieves need to retire Jesse."

"And you're not going to let me be a part of Willow's life?"

"Willow needs her uncle to be smart and strong and above all else… honest!"

"But I am those things!"

"I used to think so. I used to think the world of you." Casey said shaking his head. "Willow should be able to look up to you."

"She's a month old. I can't really ruin her right now… can I?"

"Jesse… she won't be a month old forever. And one day, you'll have to explain to her that you walked out on the perfect girl, her aunt, on your wedding day because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants. You need to stop being so selfish and cruel. It's not always about you!"

"Wow!" Jesse said with a shitty smirk on his face as he clapped. "Bravo!"

"Do you think I enjoy saying these things to you? You're my brother and I love you but you _need_ help."

"I don't _need_ help!"

"Really?! You have an addiction to drugs and alcohol and you just admitted you're addicted to this Pepper chick… or Chloe… or whatever her fucking name is! Do you even know what her _real_ name is? This is just one more thing to add to your ever growing list of addictions."

"I'm fine!"

"No! You're not! And I damn well wish I could make you see what you have. You have the world at your fingertips and you're throwing it all away."

"You think I don't see?"

"I really do wonder sometimes." Casey said shaking his head. "That woman would lay her life down for you. The love she has for you oozes from her pores. She has gone above and beyond for you. She has believed in you when no one else did and this is the thanks she gets?!"

"What makes you think that she hasn't been thanked?" Jesse asked.

"Oh for fucks sake Jesse! This isn't about sex or cooking or walking the damn dogs or putting the fucking seat down after you take a piss!" Casey yelled. "This is about you being a lying, cheating, no good son of a bitch! If it wasn't your wedding day, I'd punch you in your fucking face!"

"Don't hold back… tell it like it is."

"Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?"

"Why do you assume that I see two roads?"

"Whatever." Casey said throwing his hands in the air. "I can't keep going down this road with you."

"Can't or won't?"

"Won't… You're on your own."

"So that's it huh? You're just going to leave me when I need you most?" Jesse asked. "You're _just_ like Bambi!"

"Don't you dare bring Mom into this!"

"Well… what do you expect? You're leaving me, just like she did."

"Because I can't sit by and watch as you ruin your life… _again_. Beca is the _best_ damn thing that has _ever_ happened to you and yet, no matter how hard she's tried, even she can't keep you off the express train to Fucksville. Do her a favor and give her the greatest gift imaginable... walk away from her before it's too late. Give her a real chance at happiness… with someone who's going to love and appreciate her." Casey told him as he picked up his backpack and made his way toward the door. "Good luck… I'm out."

"Case… don't go!" Jesse pleaded as Casey slammed the door, the echo resounding around the room like a gunshot. "Well… fuck! Now what?"

Jesse had never felt more alone or more vulnerable than he did in that moment. Sure, he and Casey had falling outs before but what made this one the worst of all was that he had to admit that Casey was right. Even worse than that, Casey had had the balls enough to call him out on it.

He and Beca were supposed to say their 'I do's' in a little over an hour and he had managed to piss off not only Beca's best friend but his own brother as well… and all in one fell swoop. That was a trick that only Jesse Swanson could pull off in such spectacular fashion.

He picked up the phone to text the one person he knew would make him feel better.

And it wasn't Beca.

 **o~O~o**

The atmosphere in the main house was electric and the buzz of excitement that had started not long after the sun rose had escalated into a frenzy of deliveries, caterers, florists and people moving about the house to prepare for the big event. The sound of instructions and the excited noises from the puppies was nothing in comparison to Anne's voice rising above everyone else. She was clearly in charge and let everyone know it. Nothing was going to distract her from giving Beca the perfect day.

Nothing.

Anne had given Silvana the day off, explaining that she was a treasured member of the family and that they wanted her to enjoy the wedding with them. Silvana couldn't help herself, the urge to follow everyone around cleaning as she went was too great and she only just stopped short of dusting one of the delivery men before she realized what she was doing.

Beca smiled as she gazed out of her bedroom window and into the backyard. The day couldn't have been more beautiful. There wasn't a cloud in the sky on the mild May day in Los Angeles. A crisp late Spring breeze hung in the air, ruffling the leaves on the trees and moving the warm air around the sunny atmosphere. She watched as everyone scurried around the backyard like little worker ants for _her_ big day.

The yard was full of orchids and calla lilies and the light, delicate fragrance had everyone sniffing the air around them. Twinkle lights had been hung in the trees and the chairs and tables had been covered in white linens and decorated with bunches of purple orchids… everything looked amazing. The florist had used ladders to delicately drape orchids from the trees to soften the hard edges, creating the romantic and intimate atmosphere Beca desired, yet still allowed for the structured look that Anne craved. Everything was coming together nicely.

Jesse mentioned that he wouldn't have any family at the wedding and felt like it was going to be a ' _lopsided event'_. Hearing him say that broke Beca's heart. She wanted to share the day with her loved ones but didn't want her side to be full while Jesse's side was mostly empty. It was extremely important to her that Jesse felt loved and important, after all… it was his day too. She made it her mission to find a creative surprise that would make Jesse's guests feel just as comfortable as her own.

As Beca watched the wedding coordinator place a sign near the end aisle that said, "Choose a seat not a side", she smiled so big that her face hurt. She was trying to do everything that she knew Jesse would like and most of the things that he hadn't thought that he wanted. She wanted him to feel the love of her family as they exchanged their vows and she was happy to go the extra mile for him.

While she had insisted on a small intimate gathering, Anne had imagined something much bigger. Neither of them had gotten their way but had agreed to meet in the middle, each bending just enough to please the other. One evening, in a quiet moment alone, Will had reminded Anne that it was Beca's day and she needed to be the one to make all the final decisions. Anne hated hearing it but knew that Will was right.

 **o~O~o**

Beca gritted her teeth over the number of people fussing around her. In truth, while she was extremely excited about the day, but, in that moment, she just wanted a glass of wine and a long, hot bath. She was craving some peace and quiet to contemplate what the day had in store, instead she was listening to her mother asking, what she felt, were stupid questions about thigh highs, bras and panties.

However, Beca did understand why her Mom was asking about the bridesmaids dresses. Amy had been dropping hints for weeks that she was going to go commando for the wedding. Apparently, it was time to 'air out' her 'lady garden' and her pretty new dress offered the opportunity to do just that. Anne, of course, was appalled at the very thought of it all and Beca had almost broken her teeth in an attempt not to laugh at the look on her mother's face.

After hearing that Beca donated the dress she purchased in Las Vegas to an organization that helps underprivileged teenagers find prom dresses and in an attempt to get off Beca's shit list, Aubrey offered to go with her to shop for a new wedding dress. Hearing Beca say that she was happy to just 'buy a dress off the rack', caused Aubrey to get the dry heaves. Beca couldn't help but giggle at Aubrey's expense but eventually agreed to hit the streets of LA in search of a new dress. After trying on several dresses, Beca finally decided on was very sexy and daring. It was a fitted, mermaid style dress with a sheer, strapless, lace corset style bodice that had a neckline. It was what Amy dubbed a ' _rocker chic'_ dress that made ' _Beca's tits and ass look like a million bucks'_.

To Beca's surprise, while out shopping, Amy and Aubrey amazingly had agreed on a short, flowy, strapless bridesmaids dresses with flowing cascades which created a soft romantic silhouette on both girls. Beca was shocked, being such different body shapes, the dress fit and flattered them and even accentuated their unique features. She noted, with humor, that the dress did cover Amy's lower half and unless she grabbed her ankles, none of what she had for breakfast would be on display. The color of the dresses was called wisteria, which was a gorgeous shade of purple, and complimented the girls skin tones nicely, not that it mattered, but it definitely helped. The last thing Beca needed was bridesmaids that looked like that awful shade of green everyone gets when they're just about to puke.

And for Aubrey that was quite important.

Aubrey had been acting quite strange in the weeks leading up to the wedding but Beca was so preoccupied with the preparations that she barely had time to notice. It was only when Anne called at a quarter to eleven one night that Beca finally stopped fussing over the color samples for the linens she had laid out in front of her and concentrated on what her mother said.

"Run off she did." Anne had wheezed down the phone stopping Beca in her tracks. She had agreed with everything her mother was saying when she realized that she had not listened to a word her mother was saying.

"Mom, you sound like Yoda. What's happened?"

"Aubrey. That's what happened. Aunt Gail's beside herself."

"Ok, rewind. It's late and-"

"-and you haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?" Anne had quizzed Beca.

"Nope." Beca had to try not to smirk at her mom's question.

"I said… Aubrey ran off with Ben."

"Where?" Beca had asked, her mind working out who could take Aubrey's place as bridesmaid. She had thought that Pepper was about the same size as Aubrey and might step in. Beca didn't know Pepper all that well, but Jesse seemed to have developed a nice friendship with her which pleased Beca. He needed friends.

"Some skanky place in Tennessee. When she got home-"

"-Oh, she's home. So what's the drama?"

"The drama..." Anne had breathed out heartily and Beca had just _known_ Anne was flaring her nostrils as she spoke. "... was that she got married in a _barn_. A barn! In the backwoods of Tennessee."

"Aubrey got married?! Wait, what?" Beca had suddenly found the conversation quite interesting.

"Yes." Anne had sighed.

"That's so exciting!" Beca had exclaimed.

"You aren't the slightest bit concerned that we weren't invited?"

"Not really but that's clearly a problem for you!"

"They. Were. Married." Anne had paused for dramatic effect. "... oh, poor Gail... they were married by a half naked hillbilly, in dirty overalls! Oh my God Beca! The guy..." Anne had gulped again and Beca did all she could not to bust out laughing. "... makes _moonshine_ for a living."

"Mom, if they are happy then-"

"-Are you not upset about missing the wedding?" Anne had barked.

"I can't exactly miss something that I didn't know happened."

"But Aubrey is your _only_ cousin!" Anne shrieked.

"Mom, you sound like a corgi, calm down a bit. No, I would love to have been there to see Aubrey and Ben tie the knot but if they wanted to escape the crazy wedding planning, I'm down with that."

"Well Gail is-"

"-Yes, I guess she is upset but it's Aubrey's choice. It's her day, and she did it _her_ way. There's something to be said about the simplicity of eloping."

"Is that a small dig at my wedding planning Rebeca?"

"No _mother_ , it's not. Although I agree, Bree running off to get married in the hills of Tennessee isn't exactly was I imagined her doing but I'm just happy she's back for my wedding. I haven't seen her in a few weeks so-"

"-Of course, her dress will have to be altered."

"Why?" Beca had questioned. "Did the moonshine make her grow a third arm or something?"

"No!" Anne had shrilled. "Ben planted his seed in Aubrey's lady garden."

"Wait… she's pregnant?" Beca's eyes had widened and her pulse had quickened.

"Um..." Anne suddenly wished that she'd kept her mouth shut. "... yes, she is... expecting so the shotgun wedding was planned and executed before they told the family about the new additions."

"That's crazy! I'm so happy for her. I wish she'd told me herself and... wait, you said additions."

"I did. She's having twins in four months."

"Four months… Fuck."

"Rebeca!"

"Don't ' _Rebeca'_ me. This is the one time I can say that word _and_ get away with it." Beca said with a smirk. "By the way, Aubrey is still gonna rock her dress."

"You're still going to have her stand as your maid of honor? Even with a baby bump."

"I think she's gonna be beautiful."

"Beca, very occasionally, you surprise me."

"Yeah, well… sometimes, I surprise myself!"

Making Aubrey wear a hideous shade of puke green while pregnant with twins would have been justified though and for a fleeting moment, Beca had thought about changing the color scheme. Beca was hurt that Aubrey secretly ran off and married Ben but only because she would have wanted to be there but knowing how crazy her Aunt was, she knew Aubrey had done the right thing.

When they had met for the final dress fitting, Beca had hugged her cousin tightly to her and had appropriately patted her belly and congratulated both her and Ben. Aubrey had tried explaining that because Beca had just lost Bodhi she didn't think it was the time or place to mention her shotgun wedding or the babies. Beca argued that she could have used something to be happy about and that she wished Aubrey had just been honest with her. They'd both cried as Beca asked to see the ultrasound pictures, which prompted Aubrey to ask her to be the Godmother. To Aubrey's surprise, Beca actually squealed with excitement and said that she would organize the baby shower as soon as she and Jesse got back from their honeymoon.

The two cousins bonded during their day out. Aubrey had filled Beca in about the 'backwoods wedding' that had, in fact, taken place in a small wood frame church in the tiny Tennessee town where Ben's grandfather lived. They both agreed that having Gail and Anne continue to believe it was in front of a semi dressed hillbilly was far too funny to correct and decided to continue to let them think that for as long as they could.

 **o~O~o**

Will, ever the dutiful husband and father, had been given several things to do throughout the day, the most important of which was to keep an eye on Anne's mother, Betty. Seventy nine year old Elizabeth 'Betty' White Abernathy was quite a spry character and was well known for keeping everyone on their toes at all times. She was always up to something. In fact, Anne had been called to the senior center several times with regard to her mother's antics and behavior. So… yes, Betty was most definitely something else.

Betty lived with Anne and Will but went to Belmont Village Senior Center three times a week to " _help the old people play bingo"_. That was her story and " _with God as her witness"_ , she was sticking to it. To hear the nurses tell it though, Betty was the lead instigator in high speed wheelchair races down the hallways and in the courtyard. She had even staged a coup when the meatloaf served at lunch one day was too dry and was " _hard as a hockey puck"_.

It quickly became apparent that the fire alarm would 'accidentally' get pulled only on the days that Betty was at the center. Each call was followed by a visit from the local fire department. Betty, ever the spirited senior, was always up front and center when the fire trucks arrived because she wanted "to check out the hunks".

Thanks to Beca, her MawMaw Betty was the proud owner of a shiny new iPhone which she successfully learned to use in record time. What the nurses didn't know was that Betty used her iPhone to hijack the new aerobics instructors music and play Beca's mixes, which meant that instead of peaceful, easy listening music and some gentle stretches, the room was filled with a loud mashup of David Guetta, Nicki Minaj and Flo Rida. The instructor, who didn't understand what had happened, instead took the seniors through a brisk workout, which resulted in hospitalization for one and confining three others to their rooms for several days.

Betty wasn't all bad though, she definitely had good attributes about her as well.

Even at her age, Betty was an amazing dancer. Years of lessons, allowed her the ability to assist the dance instructor in teaching the residents to ballroom dance. Once a month, the center would play host to dance for the residents, which also lead to a dance competition held every June.

One Saturday afternoon, Betty showed up at the center with Luke, her 'adopted grandson'. The ladies swooned over Luke. They couldn't believe how handsome he was and thoroughly enjoyed pinching his cheeks and rubbing his rock hard abs. After pulling Luke away from the ladies, Betty explained that they were there to throw an English tea party in honor of the country's patron saints birthday. Luke enjoyed helping Betty lay out sandwiches, cakes and ginger beer for her friends.

If anyone from the center was sick, Betty always sent a card and she also never forgot a birthday. She would bring homemade soup to the sick and cookies, cakes or brownies to share with everyone to celebrate birthdays.

So, while Will loved his mother in law, he was less than crazy about the idea of keeping her out of trouble on Beca's wedding day. The woman had a mind of her own and even though she was up in age, her mind was like a brand new shiny steel trap.

After checking on his mother in law, who for some unknown reason was in the kitchen happily singing and making brownies, Will went in search of his wife. He had a nagging feeling that there was something else he was supposed to be doing.

He found Anne sitting on the morning porch, enjoying a cup of tea and watching as the caterers laid the linens on the tables. Everything was starting to take shape and for the first time Anne could see Beca's vision for the day.

Will stood quietly behind Anne, rubbing her shoulders. As she took a deep breath, he could feel her relax.

"How's Mom?" She asked, reaching for her mug.

"She's good… keeping busy by making cookies and brownies for the girls."

"And driving Silvana crazy I'm sure."

Will chuckled. "How'd you guess?"

"We are talking about _my_ mother… remember?"

Will sat down next to Anne and reached over to take her hand in his own. He knew Anne was nervous about the day and remembered that she'd mentioned several times in their nearly thirty years together that his touch was calming.

The two sat quietly as they watched everything take shape. Anne had to admit that Beca was right, her backyard was the perfect spot for the wedding. While she would have preferred to have the wedding at Lobo Castle, the views from Beca's backyard were spectacular and with the sunset the background, the pictures would be fantastic.

"Will, is Beca doing the right thing? You know... marrying Jesse?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure."

"She could do so much better." Anne told him. "Hell, she's got a ticket-"

"-Anne, it's her wedding day and she's happy."

"I know she is but I'd give her 2 bottles of whiskey and a flashlight if she'd leave him."

"That's a nice thought but I don't see that happening."

"There's got to be a nice young man out there somewhere."

"Well honey, as we've already discussed, Chris Hemsworth is taken and Jared Leto, while he has great hair, is just plain weird." Will told her.

"Matt Bomer?" Anne said hopefully.

"Gay."

"Ben Affleck?"

"Married, soon to be divorced, three kids… cheated on his wife with the nanny."

"Chris Pine?"

"He as born to be charming, not sincere." Will said, with a wink.

"George Clooney?"

"Up in the Air."

"Jeremy Jordan?"

"I don't know where he's been for The Last Five Years."

"John Krasinkski?" Anne asked, wracking her brains for good looking men.

"To put it bluntly, he's married too."

"Harry Styles?"

"That boy's only going in One Direction."

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt?"

"You got a 50/50 chance of getting him on the hook."

"Jake Gyllenhaal?" Anne continued to pull names off of the list of men that Beca liked.

"No, absolutely not! He broke his back on a mountain."

"Justin Beaver?"

"I think you mean Beiber… and NO! He's Canadian and has more tattoos than Beca!" Will said playfully.

"Ian Somerhalder?"

"He got Lost on an island somewhere." Will told her. "Babe, you really need to get out more."

"Jake Johnson?"

"He's got a Wilde Drinking Buddy."

"Ryan Reynolds?"

"He hears Voices."

"John Francis Daley?"

"He's got Bones about him."

"Jamie Dornan?"

"Uhh… he spanked Dakota Johnson too hard and she left."

"Zac Efron?"

"He's already got a date for the wedding."

"Sam Rockwell?"

"He ain't no Mr. Right."

"Chase Crawford?"

"Bitch please… his brother-in-law plays for the Dallas Cowboys!" Will chuckled. "Darlin', I think it's time you lower the bar a little."

"Ok, maybe I _do_ need to lower the bar… a little, but did Beca _have_ to lower it _that_ much?" Anne asked, pointing toward Jesse. "If stupid could fly, that boy would be a damn jet!"

"Annie, stop being such a judgy bitch."

"I just want her to have what we have-"

"-and she will… one day." Will said as he kissed Anne's cheek. "Aren't you supposed to be helping our girl get dressed?"

"Yes, I am but Amy's up there."

"Soooo…"

"Soooo… it's supposed to be me and Beca in the room. Not me, Beca, Amy and Amy's camel toe."

"Please tell me she's not wearing spandex again?"

Anne laughed. "Oh yes! The girl looked like Violet Beauregarde when she walked in."

"Violet Beauregarde? Who's that?"

"The girl that turned blue and blew up in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."

Will shuddered. "Shit! That was a visual I didn't need."

Anne laughed as she gave him a sideways glance. "Yeah well, you don't have to be in there with the hot mess express."

"Try not to be so serious. Go… have some fun with Beca before the festivities start."

Shaking her head, Anne stood up and hugged Will before they walked into the house hand in hand. As Anne's made her way toward the stairs she stopped and looked up to the Heavens. "Sweet Jesus keep me close to the cross because being in that room with Amy will make me lose what little religion I have left in my body."

"Hey babe…"

"Yeah…" Anne answered as she turned to face Will.

"Talk to Jesse when you get a minute. It might make you feel better." Will told her.

Anne smiled. "I think I will. Thanks honey."

 **o~O~o**

An hour later, Anne had finally talked herself into speaking with Jesse. If her daughter loved him enough to marry him, then she needed to trust her judgment and extend an olive branch to Jesse.

Jesse heard someone knock on the door then walk into the guest house without waiting for him to answer. Thinking that Casey had a change of heart and decided to come back, he was about to call out to him when he heard a female voice. "Jesse… are you in here?" Anne called out as she poured herself a glass of water.

Jesse took a deep breath and pulled his undershirt on. "I'm here." He said as he walked into the kitchen to find Anne looking around at the mess in the room. After the other discussions he'd already had that day, he was extremely defensive and couldn't imagine that this one was going to go any better than the last two but he smiled at his future mother in law.

"Do you have a minute? Can we talk?" Anne asked politely.

Jesse didn't mean to but he rolled his eyes. It was something he had picked up from Beca and he knew Anne hated it with a fiery passion. "Sure… what did I do now?" He asked as he kissed Anne's cheek.

Anne looked confused. "Who said you did anything?"

"Everyone else has chewed my ass today, why not you?"

"I didn't come here to chew you out." Anne admitted. "I just wanted to talk."

Jesse shook his head, his mood already rock solid and extremely dark. "Look… I'm marrying Beca today and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Whoa! That isn't what I came out here to talk with you about but since you've gone right off the defensive deep end, I'll just say what I've always thought." Anne said narrowing her eyes at Jesse. She paused for dramatic effect, there was no holding back. "You'll never, _ever_ be good enough for her."

"Really?" Jesse asked. "Is that how you've always felt?"

"Yes… she deserves _so_ much better than you."

"So, I guess that means Luke… right?"

"I never said that but yes, Luke is a fine young man and I do approve of him."

"Nothing I do will ever be good enough as far as you're concerned, will it?"

"You're probably right about that but this little attitude you have right now isn't helping matters at all." She told him. "You don't have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of, so why _did_ you ask Beca to marry you?"

"What's that got to do with the price of rice in China?"

"Everything."

"You really want to know why?"

"I asked you… didn't I?"

"I want to marry Beca because we make each other happy but you're just never going to let that happen… are you? I actually happen to love your daughter with every fiber of my being. She's my reason to keep on the straight and narrow, my port in a storm. Without her I'd-"

"-and it helps that she's got money."

"Seriously? That's what you think this is about?" Jesse asked before turning his back on Anne and looking out the window into all the activities currently going on in the backyard. He sighed as a couple of scenarios ran through his mind. "My God… I can't believe that I'm going to say this…" Jesse paused. "...you win Anne."

"What do you mean?" Anne bristled.

"I'll call the wedding off!" Jesse said, angrily stomping towards the door, throwing it open and storming out. He cast his head over his shoulder and left Anne with one last sentence. "If all of you had just backed off and left us alone, we would've been perfectly happy. All of you think you know what Beca wants but has anyone... ANYONE ever asked her what she wants? No! Because you think you all know best. Well, congratulations, I'm outta here." He yelled.

Turning, he picked up the pace as he started toward the house, almost running over Will.

"Jesse?" Will called out. He'd heard the raised voices and had come to see what was going on. Seeing Anne's face, Will walked into the guest house and closed the door. "What was that about?"

"I came in here to talk to him and right away he got all defensive with me."

"How so?"

"He said something about everyone chewing him out today."

"I think he's just really caught up in the emotion of the day."

Anne and Will stood quietly for several minutes before she finally admitted what her true feelings were. "I just want Beca to be happy and I don't think she'll ever truly be happy with Jesse. She'll constantly be worried about him falling off the wagon." Anne told him as she wiped tears from her eyes.

"But that's her cross to bear." Will said simply. "My mother didn't want me to marry you, remember"?

"That's different."

"How so? You had big hair, short skirts, enormous platforms and the word ' _fuck'_ was every other word out of your mouth."

"True, but I wasn't an addict."

"You're right but you also didn't have the rough start that Jesse had."

"I just want Beca to be happy."

Will sat next to her, putting his hand on her knee. "What makes you think that she isn't happy?"

Anne looked away, trying to think of something, anything that she could say but words failed her. She kept thinking back over the last year and a half of Beca's life and how much had changed in that time. "I look at her and see that she's happy, she tells me she's content and that Jesse is ' _the one'_ but my heart hurts knowing that it's not forever."

Will had to admit, Anne was right. Jesse wasn't Beca's always and forever. He wasn't the person she was going to spend the rest of her days with but they had to allow her to make her own mistakes. He pulled Anne close to him and she laid her head on his shoulder.

"What are we going to do?" Anne asked.

"I'll go and find him, convince him to go through with the wedding despite all that has happened and all that has been said. Then we'll wish them well. We'll welcome him into our home and treat him like a son. And when the fairytale ends, we'll pick up the pieces."

"Let _me_ talk to Jesse."

"Are you sure?" Will asked.

Anne nodded but Will could see her conviction didn't reach her eyes.

 **o~O~o**

When Jesse stormed away from Anne, he ran around to the front of the house and stood in the driveway. His breathing was ragged and his heart was thumping in his chest. He was beyond pissed but as the conversation replayed in his mind, he began to realize that perhaps Anne was right. He wasn't good enough for Beca and despite the fact that he did love her, he couldn't be everything she needed and deserved. He also realized that what Casey had said was true. He was doing something beyond despicable to Beca and it was time to do what was right. It was time to let her go.

He walked through the house, stomped up the stairs and straight to the bedroom that he shared with Beca. He was about to burst through the door but stopped short of walking in. "Beca!" He called as he banged on the door.

Jesse could hear Beca shuffling to the door as fast as her dress would allow. "What are you doing up here?" She called through the door and waited a moment for him to answer before she whispered. "Jesse, are you ok?"

"Open the door."

"No! It's bad luck for you to see me before the wedding."

"Bec… I said, open the door."

Beca cracked the door and reached for Jesse's hand. They couldn't see each other but just feeling her hand in his calmed him instantly. "What's wrong? Are you nervous?"

"Beca, I need-"

"-Jesse, I need to talk to you." Anne announced as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Beca, can I come in… please?" Jesse begged.

Before Beca could respond, Anne begin talking. "Jesse, we need to talk. It's really important." Anne told him. "Please come downstairs with me."

"Mom, just give him a minute." Beca called from the other side of the door. "Babe, what's wrong?"

Jesse turned to look at Anne and suddenly felt torn. He needed to speak with Beca but knew that he needed to give Anne the chance to clear the air especially since he was pretty sure that he'd jumped to conclusions just a few minutes earlier.

"Please…" Anne pleaded.

"Jesse, what's wrong?" Beca asked again tugging on his hand.

"Bec, I'll be right back. I love you." He told her as he kissed her hand.

"I love you too." She said before closing the door.

 **o~O~o**

Jesse followed Anne downstairs to the guest room. Closing the door behind them, Jesse turned to face Anne. "What do you want Anne?" Jesse asked a little more forcefully than he should have.

Anne took a deep breath before speaking. "I don't want you to walk out on Beca or call the wedding off."

"You don't?" Jesse asked, looking surprised.

"No, I don't."

"What about all that stuff you just said?"

"After you left, I thought about what I said-"

"-So, am I supposed to believe that you've had some sort of epiphany in the last..." Jesse looked at his watch. "... seven minutes. You said I wasn't good enough and that I never would be."

"Jesse, it's never been about you."

"Then please, by all means enlighten me because I'm not understanding what's happening here."

"I've always been so afraid of losing her. To anyone. I had such high hopes that she'd marry a doctor or a lawyer, just like any mother would. I forget that she's like me, very headstrong and independent, someone who knows their own mind and is far more capable than the world gives them credit for. She's my only child and-"

"-This is _my_ chance for a _real_ family Anne." Jesse told her. "And if I'm totally honest with you, _I'm_ scared to death of ruining it."

"Jesse, I'm begging you… please don't blow this opportunity. You've never needed my blessing or my approval. Beca has loved you from the start and she'll love you to the end. A strong woman will stop trying when she feels unwanted, she won't beg or plead, she'll just walk away. The truth is, even when the two of you broke up, Beca never truly walked away from you. She was always with you." Anne confessed as she looked him in the eyes. She saw something in Jesse that she hadn't seen before and was unsure exactly what it meant. "I promise that I'll get out of your way and let the two of you be happy."

"Damnit Anne! That's not what I want. I want you to be involved in our life. We're going to need your guidance and support not only with our marriage but when we decide to add to our family. And when we are blessed with children, we will decide what's best-"

"-Well, you know… Will and I have raised an amazing daughter and my advic-"

"-Will be requested when and if it is needed, not before."

Looking defeated, Anne agreed. "Ok. Will you name one of your babies after me?"

"We can do that." Jesse smiled, with a small wink. "And about the holidays…"

Anne gasped. "Am I not invited?"

"You're always welcome here. Promise me that you'll be here for every holiday, birthday, school play, piano recital, and soccer game in our kid's lives. I want you to love them, and spoil them and teach them all the things that Beca and I can't. I want you there, Anne. You _and_ Will."

"I can do that." Anne said. Jesse held out his arms in a friendly, non threatening way that Anne recognized as a plea to be hugged and she stepped forward eagerly. As she embraced Jesse, she whispered, "Please take care of my girl Jesse, she's all I've got."

"I promise to always take care of her. You have my word." Jesse said, wrapping his arms around his future mother in law. Maybe being a part of Beca's family wasn't going to be so bad after all.

"Now... we don't have time to be standing around chit chatting." Anne said, straightening up and brushing her clothes gently. "We have a wedding to attend and you are quite clearly _not_ dressed for the occasion. Where is your best man?"

"He had to... we had a fight... and he left."

"You finish getting ready. I'll call Casey." Anne said, giving Jesse a gentle shove towards the bedroom door.

"He won't come back and what about-"

"-Let me have your phone and I'll sort it out."

"But-"

"-No buts. Now scoot."

"Yes ma'am." Jesse said, pausing with his hand on the doorknob as he dug around in his pocket for his phone. "And Anne..."

"Yes?"

"Thank you.

"You're welcome." Anne said, taking the phone in Jesse's hand. "Now, hurry along."

As soon as Jesse left the room, Anne sat on the couch. She was fighting back the tears that threatened to fall as she didn't want to ruin her makeup before the ceremony even started. Sighing heavily, she looked down at the phone in her hand, sliding her thumb gently over the home screen. Unlocking the phone she saw Jesse had a message.

Anne wasn't sure whether to tell Jesse that his friend was running late for the wedding but she needed to make things right with his brother first. Scrolling through Jesse's contacts, she was surprised at just how empty his list was. Feeling a pang of guilt, she found Casey's number and pressed the call button. He answered after two rings.

"Jesse, don't fu-"

"-Casey? This is Anne… Rebeca's mother."

"Oh... hi Mrs Mitchell. I'm sorry, I thought... wait, why are you calling from Jesse's phone?"

"Jesse is just getting dressed and I hoped I could have a moment of your time to see if I could persuade you to come back for the wedding."

"I'm listening." Casey said.

* * *

 **A/N: So... What do you think happens next? Will Casey return for the wedding or will he rat his brother out once and for all? Please don't forget to read and review. I love hearing from all of you.**


	30. Chapter 29: Matrimony & Mary Jane

**A/N: Happy Sunday...** **And to those here in the states... Happy Oscar Day!**

 **Sorry it's taken me so long to post this chapter.** **Thanks** **for your support and for reading and reviewing my chapters. I appreciate every review and PM. Y'all are truly the BEST readers a writer could ever ask for! KMS has clearly taken on a life of its own and with every plot line I write, I think of four more... this story may never end! I sincerely hope that y'all will continue to ride this crazy roller coaster with me. I have so much written that I cannot wait to share with all of you!**

 **Corinne... Thank you for always giving me the kick in the ass I need when life takes over and writing takes a back seat. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 29**  
 **Matrimony & Mary Jane**  
 **o~O~o**

After a few crazy months, the day that Beca had been waiting for had finally arrived. Waking up on the morning of her wedding day, she knew that the only things left to do in preparation for the day were to get ready in time for the ceremony, not to get mad at her Mom for fussing too much and making sure that Amy wore panties.

Beca couldn't wait to become Mrs. Jesse Swanson. It was all she'd been thinking about for the past few weeks even though they'd been to hell and back over the past year. With the loss of Bodhi being the most difficult thing that they had ever endured, Beca knew that, as a couple, they had come through it together, and they would ultimately be able to survive whatever else life had to throw at them.

Stretching out under her blanket, in that split second between sleep and awake, she reached out for Jesse before remembering he'd spent the night in the guest house. There had been a lot of fuss over the wedding details and as well as discussions about whether tradition was better than unique, but ultimately, they decided to keep at least one of the traditions safe. As Beca ran a sleepy hand over her eyes, a twinge of excitement ran through her as she realized that the previous night was the last night she'd have to spend away from Jesse. Desperately wanting to speak to him to see how he was doing, Beca picked up her phone to send Jesse a text. She was about to press send when she heard a soft knocking on her bedroom door.

Beca threw her arm over her eyes, took a deep breath and said, "Yeah?", before mentally preparing herself for her mother to come busting in, demanding that she 'rise and shine' and start to get ready.

"Are you awake?"

"No!" Beca answered, hearing the dulcet tones of her best friend from outside the door.

"Then how are you answering?" Amy asked, tapping on the door again.

"Just get in here." Beca said, raising herself up onto her elbows and taking a deep breath. The bedroom door opened slowly and Amy peered through the opening.

"Hey!" She said.

"You good?"

"Yeah. I brought you some tea."

"Well, get your ass in here then."

Beca managed to not roll her eyes as Amy rounded the door, wearing an illuminous pink onesie, bunny slippers and a tiara on her head.

"Your Mom said you have to drink this and let her know when you want her to run your bath."

"I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself." Beca said, taking the tea from Amy. She looked into the cup and sniffed. "Did you make this?"

Amy shook her head. "No, MawMaw did."

"Thank you." Beca said, giving the smallest hint of an eye roll and placing the mug on the bedside table. There was no way she was going to drink anything her MawMaw made on the day of her wedding. Not that she didn't love her grandma to pieces; she certainly was always a great source of entertainment, but the family matriarch was known to play a prank or two and Beca didn't want to spend the morning of her wedding flying as high as a kite. "Have you seen Jesse this morning?"

"Nope." Amy said, fiddling with the zipper on her onesie. "But I heard him and Casey talking rather loudly out in the back yard earlier. I was helping MawMaw make pancakes so I didn't go see what the fuss was all about."

"Pancakes?" Beca asked suddenly interested in what was going on downstairs. "Where's mine?"

Amy smiled wickedly. "If I told you I ate them, would you kill me?" She asked as she stepped out into the hall to get the breakfast tray with a heaping plate of MawMaw's famous buttermilk pancakes and homemade maple syrup.

"No…" Beca thought for a moment. "Killing you would be too messy and there's no time to find someone else to wear your dress for the wedding." Beca smirked.

Amy put the tray on the bed in front of Beca. "Was that a fat joke?"

"No… not at all." Beca said as she poured syrup on her pancakes.

"Look… I've told you I can't diet." Amy explained as she ran her finger through the whipped cream on the top of Beca's pancakes.

Beca swatted Amy's hand. "And I've told you that you can do anything you put your mind to." She said around a mouthful of pancakes.

"And I've told you that I saw a dietician. Basically she told me that I can have an almond for breakfast, lick an apple for lunch and yell at a picture of a Victoria's Secret model for dinner. I just can't do that."

"That's bullshit and you know it." Beca said, calling Amy out on her shit.

"It's not! These curves need nourishment." Amy said while sashaying across the room.

"Amy, you can't keep making excuses. You need to get healthy-"

"-Anyway…" Amy said changing the subject. "... we have to get you ready for your big day!"

"Yeah, yeah…" Beca said, hurriedly forking another piece of pancake. She was pleased that nothing tasted funky so she trusted that her grandma had behaved herself. After she finished her breakfast, she placed the plate back on the tray. She got a little worried when Amy began to look a little fuzzy around the edges. She suddenly worried that her MawMaw had actually put something in the pancakes. Beca blinked a few times before closing her eyes for a few minutes hoping that when she opened her eyes she could focus. When she opened her eyes, Amy was dancing around the room. Rather than get agitated at her friend, Beca began to laugh uncontrollably and crossed the room to hug Amy. She wouldn't have the morning of her wedding start any other way…

... and so the day began. A day full of merriment and wonder. A day of memories shared and memories made.

o~O~o

The day was proceeding exactly as Beca had envisioned it would. Her mother was fussing just as much as she expected and her Dad was keeping up his end of the unspoken bargain by keeping out of Anne's way. Beca watched as her dad walked across the back yard with an electric screwdriver firmly clutched in his hand. She wondered what was going on and giggled childishly to herself seconds later when she heard her dad call out across the swimming pool to her Mom that he was going to give it a 'jolly good screw'.

Anne laughed then responded, "You're not British! Lose the accent and the pretense... sir!"

Shortly after Noon, Beca heard shouting in the back yard and thought she'd heard Casey yelling at Jesse. Knowing that the tension of the day was probably getting to the both of them. She understood that family gatherings were hard for them because they didn't have much of a family of their own. Beca wanted to reach out to them both and tell them everything was going to be ok. She was about to pick up her phone when she heard a soft knocking on her bedroom door.

"Hello?" She called out, pulling on her robe as the door gently opened.

"Hey, it's me." Luke said, slipping in through the opening.

"What are you up to?" Beca asked, noting the weird look on his face.

"Huh?"

"Why are you skulking around like a creeper?"

"Perhaps because it seems a little odd to be coming into your bedroom on the day that you are getting married?"

"Why?" Beca asked, curling her lip slightly at him and thinking her best friend had finally lost the plot.

Luke sighed heavily. "Well, today is the day that signifies the end of an era. It-"

"-Dude, are you going to give me one of your speeches about-"

"-Sssh a minute, will you?!" Luke said in a tone he hoped didn't sound too aggressive. Beca rolled her eyes at him. "I just have something I want to say to you."

Beca took a moment to look at her best friend, noting the serious look on his face. She saw the stress in his eyes and the nervous way he was chewing on the inside of his lip. She knew from experience that he had something on his mind.

"Go ahead." She said, sitting down on the edge of her bed. Luke sat down next to her and picked up her hand, interlacing their fingers as they always did.

"There are times in my life that I wish I'd never met you." He began. "I know that sounds weird but let me explain. I moved here as a child, a young boy, who knew no one and did not understand the customs of a foreign country. On my first day here, I met you. I saw you at the park, beating some kids arse because he was acting like a moron, throwing codswallop about. It was then that I knew that I was destined to have you in my life."

"I felt the same way." Beca said, not sure if she was understanding what Luke was trying to say. This sounded like a goodbye speech to her.

"From that day forward," Luke continued, "I had you, up front and center in my life. We saw each other all the time, lived our lives together and formed a friendship so deep rooted, I am, on occasion, not sure where one of us starts and the other one finishes. But with that, also comes the stresses that only loving someone can bring. At times, I wondered if our friendship was healthy."

Beca nodded but didn't interrupt.

"And that is the problem. It was always just us. Yes, you had Amy and Aubrey in your life and I had Cole and Nick to hang out with when you were busy, but we barely spent a day apart. I believe God put us both on this Earth to be friends. I cannot imagine my life without you in it."

"You do know I'm not going anywhere, right?" Beca asked, squeezing Luke's hand tightly. She was surprised when he didn't respond.

"I have never hidden the fact that Jesse is not my favorite person. In fact, I have just told him how I feel and he knows that if he dares to fuck this up, he will have me to deal with."

"Luke, what's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing is 'going on'. I am not even sure what I am now trying to say. MawMaw was trying to get me to sample one of her brownies and the glint in her eye freaked me out so I thought I would escape-"

"-Awww, you need rescuing from my little old MawMaw?!" Beca laughed.

"She just tried to accost me!"

"Dude, American English please."

"She was making brownies and she smacked my buttocks with her wooden spoon and told me she wanted to ride me until my ears began to bleed."

Beca laughed out loud. "You know she's kidding, right? She says that to-"

"Mate, she was undoing her blouse and beckoning me towards the pantry in the kitchen!"

"Yeah, ok. She may have overdone her heart medication."

"Does heart medication look like mixed herbs? Because that is what she was happily lighting it up."

"MawMaw is crazy and you know it!" Beca giggled.

"Yes, that's for damn sure! I wouldn't change her for the world but please, for the sake of our friendship, do not, I repeat, do not, leave me alone with her. I fear for my... man parts."

"I'll make sure Little Luke is protected at all times. Anyway, what were you waffling on about?"

"Beca, you are my very best friend in the whole world." Luke continued. "I wake up every day and the first thing I do is check my phone. I look for a message from you before I get out of bed in the morning and I wait to hear from you until you do. This last year, my own routine has been shaken by you dating Jesse. Things changed between us when you met him and-"

"-I-"

"-and that is all right." Luke didn't allow Beca to finish her thought. He knew what he needed to say. "It is how life is supposed to be. He makes you happy and so he gets to stay. You know my feelings and I am not here to put a damper on your wedding day. I just wanted to-"

"-Are you doing your usual Britishy thing where you take four hours to say one thing?" Beca said, raising an eyebrow in Luke's direction. He grinned, taking the bait.

"Something like that, yes. I was going to write you a letter to read today but it felt like I was saying goodbye."

"That's good, because that's the last thing I want."

"Is it?" Luke asked and Beca nodded.

"Of course it is. You and are it. We're what friendship is all about. I never thought I'd be the one to get married first. Weirdly, I always thought it would be you. I imagined it was going to be me organizing your bachelor party and I gagged at the thought of having to organize strippers but I'd have done it… for you. I'm not going to sit here and ramble on about why we're best friends and saturate it with all the generic reasons and adorable anecdotes that you can spin out of the top of your head. I'm not going to do that, because you already know it. You know why we are best friends. If we weren't, then I don't even know how we've remained friends all this time. Of course, I have no recollection of time, although I do know my mother will be up to curse at you if you don't let me finish getting ready."

"I apolog-"

"-She can wait. Listen to me, without you by my side, I wouldn't be half the person I am today. Without you, I'd never remember a birthday or graduation or any other important event. My diary is my nemesis and the reason why I messaged you every morning was because I knew there would be a subtle reminder from you in your reply about something I was supposed to know. You bailed me out more times than I can remember. That's the type of person you are. I can barely get anywhere on time without you chewing my ass out. You remember all the small details about me, my family, my friends, my life. You know exactly how long we've been friends, what we were wearing when we met, and knowing you, what you'd eaten for lunch that day. Thank you Luke, thank you for knowing all of that and so much more. Thank you for knowing all the things I don't."

"You are welcome."

"Thank you for always being closest to me even when we were in separate time zones when you took a trip back to England. Even when boyfriends and girlfriends came along, you were there for me. It hasn't always been easy and I thank you for not letting us get split by dumb facts like you preferring the San Francisco 49ers over the Oakland Raiders. You wouldn't let us drift apart. You were the glue that held us together. We all get distant to a certain degree when we make huge transitions but you didn't let me get very far because you knew what was truly important."

"I was supposed to be the one in here saying what you mean to me!" Luke laughed but Beca could see that his eyes were filling with tears. She reached over and kissed his cheek.

"Sorry!" Beca laughed. "Go ahead."

"Well, thank you for taking care of me in every way possible, for being there when no one else was or wanted to be and when you didn't even have to be. I was that weird English kid who everyone laughed at for having a different accent and saying things all wrong. Everyone has those friends who you are close to but still manage to be awkward around and weird about asking for help but you were never like that with me. You were and are there for everything, no bargaining or explanations needed and even when you and Jesse were starting out and you were distant, deep down I knew that if I truly needed you, you would have been there."

"Yes, I would have been."

"Thank you for not being an ordinary friend. I have got people I can go to art museums with but we have never done that."

"Dude, you're right."

"I know I am." Luke winked. "I will not take you to places like that because we would end up taking the piss out of the naked pictures like a couple of schoolkids and knowing us, we would get asked to leave. There is no point in us really going out for drinks because after three or four, you have this urge to take your clothes off around me to show me your latest piece of lingerie. You turn up with dinner when I have no energy to cook, you send me those dorky messages and pictures of funny cats when I am deciding whether I am in a bad mood or not and just when I feel a bit of a failure, you ask me to come around to help you hang a picture, making me feel useful and needed. I run everything past you, even when I don't ask your opinion. I always think to myself 'what would Beca suggest?' before making any decision. Thank you for always being fun even when we're not having fun. I do not know how else to explain it so that will have to do."

"Thank you for believing in me when I was too weak and exhausted to believe in myself." Beca said, tears rolling down her face.

"Thank you for pushing me, for repeating those affirmations that do not mean anything in inspirational songs but mean everything when someone who cares about you says them."

"Thank you for not judging me when I did something really stupid, but also thanks for telling me I was an idiot and probably shouldn't have done the stupid thing." Beca said, a thousand memories coursing through her mind.

"Thank you for always being honest." Luke said earnestly.

"Thank you for doing all the things a real best friend does; for letting me sob into your shoulder when I need to and handing me a tissue when there aren't any more words."

"Thank you for always knowing who I am and reminding me of that when I forget." Luke nodded. "Thank you for being genuinely concerned with the outcome of my life and always listening, even when you are tired."

"Thank you for telling me the things no one wants to hear and sparing the bullshit advice. I can't think of many other people whom I would actually take a bullet for."

"The value of our friendship cannot be measured." Beca said, looking into Luke's eyes. "I may be marrying the man I love today but I will still be me. I still need and want you in my life."

"I cannot imagine a life without you in it. I wish you the very best today. I know in your heart that you love Jesse and today you reaffirm that in front of friends and relatives."

"I couldn't imagine doing this without you by my side. This life journey we're on, we are in it together. Forever."

"Forever."

o~O~o

After Luke left and she had had time to contemplate his loving words, Beca's mind wandered back to Jesse and Casey's raised voices. As she made her way to her bathroom to shower, hanging her robe up on the back of the door, she tried to think of ways to get the two brothers to reconnect. Since Willow had come along, Casey had changed and Beca was one of the first to say that it was definitely for the better. She knew Jesse struggled slightly with the fact that Willow would have been roughly the same age as Bodhi but he seemed to appreciate Casey's efforts to keep on the straight and narrow.

Beca was out of the shower within minutes and already thinking of an excuse to tell her Mom as to why she hadn't had the long soak in the bathtub that she wanted. Beca knew if she explained to her mom that the conversation with Luke was more important than bubbles, her Mom would get it. Her entire family absolutely adored Luke.

Amy arrived a few minutes later to help Beca finish getting ready, finding her friend in a bit of a flustered state, sitting on the floor, surrounded by various open boxes and bags.

"Everything all right?" Amy asked, mildly concerned at seeing Beca so unorganized. It was a rare sight and Amy took a moment to ponder whether it was safe to mock Beca but saw the look on her best friends face and decided it wasn't the right time for jokes.

"Yeah, I'm running so far behind schedule that I'm... I don't even know anymore."

"So, you're a little late, what the big deal?!"

"The big deal is that I may show up in my bra and panties to my own wedding."

"So, we start with you getting dressed, right?" Amy asked, looking down at the boxes of clothes all over the floor. "You gotta get all of that clobber on?"

"Yeah, I guess. Mom organized all of this crap... I'm just not even sure where this is supposed to go." Beca moaned, holding up a thin piece of lace in the shape of a butterfly.

"Do I need to call for Anne?" Amy asked.

"Not sure I could handle her right now." Beca moaned.

"Ok, but sitting there like a nancy isn't going to help, is it?"

"What the fuck is a nancy?"

"No idea. I heard Luke say it once."

"Help me up?" Beca said, holding out her arm for Amy to pull her up. Reaching down, Amy grabbed Beca under the armpits and pulled her to her feet. Beca's towel dropped to the floor. "Jeez Amy! Let me have a little dignity."

"Nothing I ain't seen before." Amy declared, turning to check the bedroom door was closed before admiring her best friend's form. "Damn girl... perhaps I do need to rethink going on a diet."

"You are very odd."

"And your life would be so very different without me in it."

"I guess that's one thing we can agree on. Ok, seeing as you aren't going to stop staring-"

"-Prolly not."

"Pass me my panties."

Aubrey arrived, just as Amy was trying to singlehandedly wrestle Beca's dress over her head. Beca was red faced and bothered at Amy's enthusiasm and forgot to care that Aubrey was over an hour late.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." Aubrey said, air kissing Beca and dodging Amy's hands on her swelling belly. "I've been peeing every ten minutes and I swear one of these babies is gonna be just like you Beca!"

"What's that?" Beca said, surrounding by swathes of lace and crinoline.

"Cute and cuddly?" Amy asked out of the corner of her mouth.

"More like small and stubborn." Aubrey murmured back. "Ok, so where we at?"

"Really?" Beca called out, perplexed as the situation she was currently in, bent over and stuck in her heavy wedding dress. "Help me! I'm dying! I'm dying! It's hot in all this shit! Both of you, get your fat asses over here."

"Not a nice way to ask for help." Aubrey said.

"Shall we go and get a coffee?" Amy asked Aubrey who agreed that was a good idea.

"I didn't mean any of that stuff I said!" Beca cried out. "I love both of you! I love both of you awesome nerds. I'm just so stressed out right now that-"

"-Why the stress?"

"I'm going to be so late." Beca wept, fighting to get the dress off of her, uncaring as to whether it ripped into twenty pieces.

"You've got three hours to go before 'I do'." Aubrey said, looking at the thin gold watch strapped to her wrist.

Beca stopped in her struggle and brushed the fabric away from her face. "Three hours?" She questioned, looking at Amy with sharp eyes, immediately seeing a smirk appear on her Aussie friends face.

"I may have changed the clocks while you were sleeping."

"Amy!"

"I knew you'd hate to be late for your own wedding so I thought I was helping." Amy whined.

"Get me out of this..." Beca said and Aubrey took a hold of the bodice of the dress and Beca wiggled out of the garment.

"Nice hair!" Aubrey laughed.

"Shut up." Beca growled.

"Why didn't you step into the dress, like a normal person?" Aubrey asked.

Beca's answer was to thumb in Amy's direction. "Someone was being helpful."

"I'm doing my best." Amy said, looking hurt for a moment. Beca felt immediately guilty and walked over to her friend to give her a hug.

"Where's Aunt Anne?" Aubrey said, realizing for the first time Beca's Mom wasn't in the room.

"I think some of MawMaw's pot brownies might have gotten to her. When I texted her earlier to find out what time she was coming up to the room, she sent me a picture of a camel's foot."

"A camel's foot?"

"Yeah." Beca said, reaching over for her phone, unlocking it and scrolling to her Mom's latest picture. She showed it to both Amy and Aubrey.

"That's an Australian camel." Amy stated.

"How do you know?" Beca asked, knitting her eyebrows together as she looked at the screen.

"Says so in the bottom right hand corner." Amy pointed and Beca rolled her eyes at her own stupidity.

"Why has your Mom sent a picture of an Australian camel toe?" Aubrey asked, rubbing her belly with one hand as she started to hop from foot to foot, clearly needing to pee again.

"Oh!" Beca said, smacking herself on the head.

"What?"

"Amy."

"What'd I do now?"

"Australian camel toe. Dude, loosen your belt a bit cos that's what's on show right now."

Amy looked down at her crotch and grinned. "It's designer. One of a kind."

"Gross." Aubrey said, heading off into the direction of the en suite.

"Come on shortstack, let's get this monstrosity on you while Aub-Pee is in the bathroom."

Beca laughed and picked up the dress off of the floor. She smoothed out the layers and had Amy hold the bodice open as she stepped into it. Amy had just finished jamming Beca's boobs into her dress when there was a furious banging on the bedroom door.

"Beca!" Jesse yelled through the closed door.

Beca shuffled to the door as fast as her dress would allow.

"Beca?" Jesse called again.

"What are you doing up here?" She called through the door and waited a moment for him to answer before she whispered. "Jesse, are you ok?"

"Open the door."

"No! It's bad luck for you to see me before the wedding."

"Bec… I said, open the door."

Beca cracked the door and reached for Jesse's hand. They couldn't see each other but just feeling her hand in his calmed him instantly. "What's wrong? Are you nervous?"

"Beca, I need-"

"-Jesse, I need to talk to you." Anne announced and Beca was more surprised that she could hear her mother's voice out in the hallway. She turned to look at Amy and Aubrey in confusion.

"What's up?" Amy hissed and Beca shook her head.

"Beca, can I come in… please?" Jesse begged but before Beca could respond, Anne begin talking. "Jesse, we need to talk. It's really important." Anne told him. "Please come downstairs with me."

"Mom, just give him a minute." Beca called from the other side of the door. "Babe, what's wrong?"

"Is there a problem?" Aubrey asked and Beca looked at her cousin and shrugged her shoulders. "There isn't time to be messing around right now."

"Please…" Anne pleaded.

"Beca, is he sick?" Aubrey asked, pushing the issue.

"Jesse, what's wrong?" Beca asked again, tugging on his hand.

"Bec, I'll be right back. I love you." Jesse told her as he kissed her hand through the opening.

"I love you too." She said before closing the door.

"What was all that about?" Amy asked as Beca gathered up her dress and walked back to the chair in the middle of her bedroom.

"I have no idea but the mothership has taken over so I'll wait until she tells me later. I don't have time to be worrying about squabbles right now."

"Ok." Amy said. "Turn around then, and I'll zip you up."

Beca did as she was told and trusted Amy with the delicate laces and the corset back.

"Oh. My. God." Aubrey squealed, coming out of the bathroom. She threw her hands across her mouth as she stifled a second scream.

"What's wrong?" Beca immediately asked, stepping forward and almost tripping over Amy in her efforts to get to Aubrey. "Are you ok?"

"Have you gone into labor?" Amy asked, her eyes widening. "I kinda hope so as I have always wanted to deliver a baby. I want one named after me!"

Beca and Aubrey exchanged a look before Aubrey started fanning herself again.

"No. Everybody is staying where they should for right now."

"Why the theatrics then?" Beca asked.

"Look at you!" Aubrey said, taking a step back.

"What about me?"

"You look aca-amazing."

"Oh." Beca said, rolling her eyes.

"No, don't do that." Aubrey said, shaking her head.

"Dude, my hair is a frizz ball, my face is bright red and I'm pretty sure I've got a run in my thigh high."

"No." Aubrey breathed out. "You look beautiful."

The two cousins embraced for a moment, separating with the smallest of tears in their eyes.

"Not quite sure what I can do with my hair though. It's a bit wild." Beca said, trying to smooth down her mane.

"Well, we know someone who can deal with that!"

"Who?" Beca asked, gathering up her dress and walking back across her room.

"Pepper, from pole dancing and the other reason The Riff got signed, is also a hairdresser. She's coming today, right?"

"Yeah, we invited her." Beca said.

"I can send her a text and see if she can come and rescue... um..."

"Anything is worth a shot. I'd rather not have my Mom fussing cuz I've got a bird's nest on top of my head."

"I'll be back in a minute." Aubrey said, retreating back into the bathroom, digging in her purse for her phone at the same time.

"Now..." Amy said, sitting down heavily on Beca's bed. "... are you sure you don't want me to do your wedding makeup?"

o~O~o

Standing in front of her bedroom mirror and taking a deep breath, Beca opened her eyes and took the first proper look at herself that day. She wasn't one to think too highly of her appearance; clean, respectable and trendy were her only stipulations on a daily basis, but even she could quietly admit that she thought she actually looked pretty good.

Her dress was very sexy, daring and was the perfect fit for her slim frame. It showed off every curve to perfection and while her fingers lingered over her now flat stomach, she didn't let the memory of losing Bodhi interrupt her tranquil thoughts. Even Amy remained quiet as Beca took stock of herself.

The dress was a very fitted, mermaid style dress with a sheer, strapless, lace corset style bodice that had a neckline that mimicked Princess Tiana's in the Disney movie 'The Princess and The Frog'. Amy got a good laugh at Beca's expense over that little detail. Beca didn't let it bother her though, she loved the dress and that was all that mattered. Amy dubbed the dress 'rocker chic' and said that it made 'Beca's tits and ass look like a million bucks'... which it did.

Gently touching her long bouncing curls, Beca turned to thank Pepper for her hard work and attention to detail. Her once frizzy complication was now coiffed to within an inch of its life, a perfect copy of what she had hoped it would be. Her makeup was flawless and the red splotches, and one tiny pimple were carefully hidden under several subtle layers of spackle, paint and glitter… Amy's words… not Beca's.

Turning a little, she watched Amy dab her eyes in the reflection. "You all right there Ames?" She asked.

"Yeah. Just thinking that you scrub up quite nicely." Amy said, loudly blowing her nose like an elephant and spoiling the moment.

"You really do." Aubrey said, smiling at her trussed up cousin.

The discreet knock at the door stopped any further conversation and Amy slipped over to see who was there.

"Is my favorite Granddaughter in here?" MawMaw asked quietly.

"MawMaw! Get your butt in here." Beca said.

"Wait, which Granddaughter is she referring to?" Aubrey asked, her mouth in an amused twist, knowing her Grandmother had no favorites.

Walking in the room, Betty took in the sight of Beca in all of her lacy glory. She gasped and in a move that copied Aubrey's perfectly, she covered her mouth with her hand. "My sweet child, you look... well, you just look stunning."

"Thank you MawMaw." Beca said, hugging her Grandma.

"Aubrey, dear, have you put on weight?" Betty asked her other granddaughter.

"No MawMaw, I'm pregnant, remember?"

"Not in the slightest. I'm 79 years old, far too old to be having babies. Silly girl, did you forget everything you were taught in biology."

"No MawMaw, I'm having twins. Do you remember Mom telling you?"

"Beca dear," Betty said, "please tell Aubrey that she shouldn't be eating too many cakes and treats today. She's gotten very fat."

"MawMaw, really?" Aubrey said, heading towards the door. "I'm going to get my ultrasound pictures to prove it to you."

Beca laughed as she watched Aubrey disappear down the stairs. "You don't remember Aubrey telling you that she and Ben-"

"-Of course I do!" MawMaw winked at Beca. "I just like fucking with her!"

"MawMaw! You can't use language like that."

"Aww, don't get your panties in a bunch. Wait, are you even wearing any?"

"MawMaw!"

"Well you..." Betty began as she took in Beca's dress again. "... dear, you do know you've got a hole in the back of your pretty dress, don't you?"

"Haha MawMaw, very funny."

"Beca, my love. For once, I am not kidding around."

"Sure MawMaw. I'm not going to fall for that with you and-"

"Beca." Amy said. "I stood on the back of your dress and my heel tore a hole in it."

"Oh, don't you start!" Beca laughed, pretending to be mad at Amy. "Are you and MawMaw-"

"I'm sorry." Amy said, her voice suddenly so serious that Beca was surprised.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Beca asked turning around and bending over slightly in an attempt to get a better look at the back of her dress.

"Does this dress make my ass look big?" Amy said putting her butt directly in Beca's face in a poor attempt to change the subject.

"Oh… I don't know! Could you get a little closer? I still have some peripheral vision left!" Beca barked as she swatted at Amy's ass.

"Ok girls… no need for panic. I can fix this in a jiffy." Betty said as she sat in the chair by the window. "Amy dear, go fetch my purse. I have a sewing kit in there."

Amy turned on her heel and walked quickly out of the room. Beca plopped down on the edge of the bed. She couldn't believe her bad luck. First Jesse freaked out, then he had an argument with Casey and now her dress was torn. Could things get any worse?

"What happened?" Beca asked quietly.

"It was when I was lacing up the back of your dress. My heel caught-"

"-It's ok. I know you didn't mean to do it." Beca said honestly.

Betty watched as Beca's shoulder slumped and her eyes began to fill with tears. "Beca… my love, come here. Come sit on MawMaw's lap." Betty said as she patted her legs.

"MawMaw, I'm too big to sit in your lap." Beca said, sniffling.

"No ma'am, you'll never too big for my lap. Now come on."

Beca got up and walked across the room. She stood in front of her grandmother for a moment before finally giving in and curling up in Betty's lap. It had been a very long time since she had sat in her grandmother's lap but as soon as she did she suddenly felt safe and at home.

"You're not going to let a little tear in your dress ruin your special day… are you?"

Beca sniffled again. "I've tried so hard not to break any traditions and look what happened." She said pointing to her dress. "It's got to be a sign… don't you think?"

Betty giggled. "No honey, I don't think it's a sign."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, we can't ever be sure but-"

"-But what?"

"Have I ever told you about how I met PawPaw?"

"No, I don't think I've heard that story."

"I met your PawPaw in 1950, when I was just 16 years old. PawPaw was 18 and boy was he handsome. I was at the Frostop Soda Shop sitting at the counter with a few friends when he walked in with his brother Thomas. When I heard the bell over the door ring, I looked up and the minute our eyes met I knew he was special. He was 'the one'."

"How did you know?"

"Shh… just listen." Betty told her as she rubbed Beca's back. "He was so tall and there was just something about his strong build, dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes that captivated me. Without missing a beat, he walked over and introduced himself. We started talking and we immediately hit it off. He was a real charmer. About thirty minutes later, we decided to get a booth and shared an order of fried and a strawberry milkshake. We talked about anything and everything and were never at a loss for conversation. It was getting late and I needed to get home before curfew so he offered to walk me home. It was the most beautiful night. The sky was clear and the stars could be seen for miles. When we got to my house, he wished me good night, kissed me on the cheek and ask if he could see me again. I don't think I've ever been so excited in all my life. My heart was beating out of my chest. The next night we went to the drive in to see a movie about Annie Oakley called Annie Get Your Gun. I'm not really sure how much of the movie we actually watched. We spent a good bit of time talking and the rest of the time we-

"-MawMaw! No! Just… no!"

Betty laughed. "Two weeks later we were engaged and three months after that we were married."

"Is mom named Anne because of the movie?"

"She sure is. Thought it was funny to name her after the movie. She thinks it's because she was conceived when we were supposed to be watching the movie. What she doesn't know hasn't killed her so far."

"Gross." Beca mumbled.

Betty smiled. "Beca, I met PawPaw and we were married in less than a year. Much like your romance with Jesse, ours was a world wind romance but I wouldn't change it for the world. I won't tell you that marriage is easy. In fact, it's the hardest thing in the world but it's also the most rewarding. You and Jesse have had a lot of ups and downs but I truly believe that he's a good boy. If he's not, and he's pulled the wool over my eyes, well… then I just can't be held responsible for what happens to him."

Now it was Beca's turn to laugh. "MawMaw, I love you."

"I love you baby girl." Betty said as Amy came barreling back into the room like a bull in a china shop. She was clearly struggling to carry the purse and let out a strangled 'oomph' as she put it down on the floor. "It's about time Amy! I was getting ready to call the National Guard."

"Sorry… I smelled brownies when I got downstairs and well…"

Beca suddenly sat up very straight. "Oh Amy! You didn't!"

"Beca… how could I not? You know how I am about brownies!"

Beca rubbed her forehead. It was too late that damage was already done. Amy had already ingested God knows how many brownies and the only thing left to do was to wait for the pot to wear off.

Betty rubbed Beca back. "Alright… up you get. Let's get that dress fixed. Amy, please pass my purse."

Amy reached down and struggled to lift Betty's bag from the floor. "What do you have in here? Rocks?"

"Yes actually… on second thought, you're stoned my dear, nothing to do with rocks. Just pass me my lace handkerchief before you do any more damage."

"MawMaw, what are you going to do?"

"Give me a minute sweet child." Betty said, picking up the train on Beca's dress and taking the handkerchief that Amy was waving around. Beca stood waiting patiently and tried not to listen to the sound of fabric being torn. She almost wished the hole hadn't been found, at least she would have been blissfully unaware.

After what seemed like an eternity but was, in reality, only a few of minutes, Betty announced she was finished. Beca tried turning around to look but the dress was turning with her.

"Amy, is that better?" She asked her friend, hoping she had come down from her brownie high. It looked as if Amy's eyes were at trying to focus.

"Lemme look."

Amy made a big show of spinning Beca around so that she could see the repair job and threw herself down onto the floor like a petulant toddler to get a better look. After a couple of minutes, she jumped back up again, adjusted her boobs and declared that MawMaw was inhuman and had fixed Beca's dress. "It's perfect. And now I must go chase the dragons."

Beca stared as Amy galloped out of the room on a pretend horse. "MawMaw... just how much weed did you put in those brownies? Just so I know how long it will take Amy to come down off of her high."

"None."

"None?"

"Nope. Not in the batch that girlfriend stole. That bat shit crazy is all her. Dear, I gave the loaded ones to your mother and father."

"MawMaw, have I told you how much I love you?"

"You being so like me is love enough."

Beca and Betty embraced for a few moments before Beca remembered the hole in her train. "How did you fix my dress?"

"I tore my lace handkerchief in half, sewed one half over the hole and the other piece on the other side so that it looked as if it should be there."

"How did you sew it? I mean, I didn't see a kit..."

Beca watched as Betty dug into the front of her dress. "Who do you think taught Amy about a cleavage purse?"

Beca laughed and had a warm feeling that whatever life threw at her, somehow ... just somehow, everything would always turn out ok.

"Let's go and get you married, shall we?

o~O~o

Taking her Dad's arm, Beca knew this was the moment she'd been looking forward for a very long time. Counting the beats of the music in her head, she turned to look up at her father.

"You ready kiddo?"

"I am. Dad... I just want to say... in case I forget to say it later... I love you."

"Your mother and I love you very, very much." Will bent down and kissed Beca's cheek, careful not to muss her coiffed hair and neatly made up face. "We are really so very proud of you."

"Thank you Daddy."

"You ready?"

"Yes." Beca said simply, nodding along with the beat of the song for a moment or two as if she was waiting for the song to envelope her. Taking a deep breath, she repeated herself. "Yes, I am."

Beca and her Dad began to walk together down the carefully crafted path, laden with pretty petals towards the flower covered archway where Jesse stood waiting, shoulder to shoulder with his brother.

o~O~o

From the guest house, Beca and Jesse could hear the introduction to the Black Eyed Peas 'I've Got A Feeling' and knew that was their cue. After a few short minutes alone, it was finally time for them to be introduced to their guests at the reception. It was a moment they had both been waiting for.

"Ladies and gentlemen... may I please have your attention as we welcome the new Mr. and Mrs. Jesse Swanson! Please join me in congratulating the happy couple!"

The level of applause increased as more and more people rose to their feet to celebrate along with Beca and Jesse as they entered under the canopy decorated with twinkle lights and fresh flowers. Jesse clutched Beca's hand tightly in his and tugged gently on her arm just before they entered the seating area where their guests were waiting for them.

"You ok?" Beca asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. I just wanted to say thank you to you for today. You should be really proud of yourself for putting this amazing day together."

"You're welcome. I love you."

"I love you too." Jesse said quietly. "Whatever happens down the road, never forget that."

Slightly puzzled by his words, Beca shook her head to clear any negative thoughts. "Come on, I'm hungry and if we don't get to the front before Amy, there won't be much left!" Beca winked at him and was relieved to see Jesse laughed.

"Very true. One kiss before we go in." Jesse said, bending down to kiss Beca's lips. He pulled her towards him and hugged her hard.

"Dude, these people won't stop clapping until we go in!" Beca laughed as she hugged Jesse back. Taking Jesse's hand in her own, she interlocked their fingers and felt him relax as they stepped out from the canopy and into the room where the clapping and cheers reached a crescendo.

"Bravo!"

"You're finally here!"

"Congratulations!"

"'Bout time, I'm starvin'!"

Words filled the air around them and they caught sight of the most familiar faces as they pushed through the throng of people that rushed forward to congratulate them. They caught a few snippets as they choreographed a path through the tables but Beca stopped in her tracks when she heard her Grandma's comment.

"What took so long? Were you two boinking?"

Beca laughed at the look of shock on Jesse's face as she guided him to into the room. They were greeted with many congratulations and well wishes as they made their way to their places at the head of the room. As soon as they sat down, the 180 guests followed suit and the scraping of the chairs on the floor signaled the beginning of the meal.

Before the meal began, Will and Anne stood up to toast the newlyweds. As Beca listened to her dad's words and wishes for them, she was swept up in the moment. This was the day that Beca had dreamed about for so long. She looked around at all of the guests surrounding them, joining them on their most special day; family and friends that had been in her life from day one as well as people she met along the way. Each one was important and necessary to their life's journey and Beca wouldn't have had the day any other way. It was perfect. All of them were there because they loved Beca and Jesse and wanted to wish them well. Beca looked around at the smiling faces, nodding and returning her wide grin as her eyes swept the room. The gazebo was large, airy and filled with twinkle lights, flowers and delicious food but the people inside made it feel comfortable and homely. This was most definitely the best day of her life so far.

Jesse was also looking at all of their guests. As much as he tried not to be, he was quite overwhelmed with everything and wished with everything he had that he had a drink in his hands to calm his nerves. The gazebo was stifling and he hated that everyone was looking at him, judging him on his choice of shirt and tie. He was desperate to loosen the knot around his neck and more than anything, he wanted out of the reception, he couldn't wait to be upstairs in their room. He had more on his mind than he could ever tell anyone least of all Beca. Sensing that Casey was watching his every move and in an effort to calm his rapidly fraying nerves, he rubbed Beca's thigh as the speeches came to a close but even that couldn't help him ignore the rapid vibration of the phone in his pocket.

He knew the messages could potentially ruin everything.


	31. Chapter 30: Celebrations and Challenges

**A/N: Here we go again! Thanks for coming back... All aboard the KMS Roller Coaster! Man oh man are y'all in for a ride! I hope y'all love this chapter as much as I do. It serves as the gateway to major changes as the plot begins to open. We're FINALLY getting to the chapters of the story that I wrote over a year ago and I cannot wait to hear what all of you think.**

 **Corinne... as always, a huge thank you for being the best beta ever! You make Luke sound so perfectly proper and oh so British. I'm not sure I could write his character without your help. Thank you for being my biggest fan and the best supporter. Your friendship and loyality have allowed me to push the envelope with my writing. It's also made me see that there's more to life than sunshine, unicorns, rainbows and glitter. You've allowed me to experience the darker side of writing and I'm loving it. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Chapter 30  
Celebrations and Challenges  
o~O~o**

The months after Beca and Jesse's pretty wedding were filled with plenty of memorable and life changing moments, not just for the newlyweds but in the lives of the people they loved the most. They rarely sat still; work and the general stresses of homelife seemed to take up most of their spare time. On a rare evening home together, they took the opportunity to sit at the dining room table and, without the distractions of the television, to talk about the previous weeks.

Beca prepared lemon rosemary chicken and rice pilaf and while Jesse had been in charge of organizing the dessert, she wasn't entirely surprised to see that he dished up a bowls of Haagen Dazs midnight cookies and cream ice cream. She could tell that he had been pretty distracted over the last few weeks so didn't want to push him, in case it came across as disapproval or nagging; she did understand how much pressure he was under trying to get the band's name out there in the music world. As he took their used bowls and spoons to the dishwasher, Beca turned on the coffee pot and added their new favorite blend, a pleasant end to their meal.

"Smells good." Jesse said, shutting the door to the dishwasher.

"Yeah, it's that stuff we found on our honeymoon."

"Oh." Jesse said, turning his back on her to wipe the kitchen counter down. Beca saw the anxious look on his face and moved forward to wrap her arms around him.

Beca and Jesse's honeymoon hadn't gone exactly as planned. Jesse had been given one thing to do for the wedding, which was to plan the honeymoon. It quickly became apparent that sometimes, men shouldn't be given even the simplest of tasks… and this was one of those times. When they got in the car, the day after the wedding, Beca was unsure of where they were going and got extremely confused when they didn't head toward the airport, as had been the idea when she'd subtly left the travel brochures lying around on the kitchen counter and the coffee table. To be extra helpful, she'd even turned over the corners of a few pages as a massive hint that she was hoping to go someplace remote and romantic… but the only part of the memo Jesse seemed to get was the _remote_ part.

By the time they arrived at their destination, some four hours after leaving home, Beca was pretty sure things couldn't get any more remote if they had been on a deserted island. She'd imagined white, sandy beaches, palm trees and coconut mai tai's but instead, Jesse pulled up to a rustic old cabin bearing the words " _Danger, Keep Out!"_ written in runny red paint. Beca had turned in her seat, looking at him, waiting to be told the punchline of the joke, but instead Jesse grinned and popped the trunk before getting out of the car with renewed enthusiasm. To completely eradicate her good mood, as the driver's door closed behind Jesse, it began to rain.

Beca watched him walk past the cabin with the collapsed roof to a small hut around the back. He returned five minutes later with a large dufflebag and a wooden mallet under his arm, waving at her to come and join him. She pointed to the sky and shook her head. She had come to realize that Jesse wasn't joking and they were going to be spending their two week honeymoon at ' _The Garden of Eden Campgrounds'_.

Eden it was not.

Grabbing her phone, she was shaking as she unlocked the screen and scrolled through the apps to her messages. Watching as Jesse began to lay out the canvas tent that was going to be their home for two weeks, she held back the tears as he began to whistle with happiness. Beca truly loved her new husband but this was one of those times that she wondered where the hell his head was.

" _You'll never guess what he's done now!"  
_ " _Well hello to you too princess!"  
_ " _Fuck off asshole!"  
_ " _Wow… such ugly talk for a beautiful girl."  
_ " _You sound like my mother."  
_ " _That hurt."  
_ " _You deserved it."  
_ " _Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon?"  
_ " _Yes! I'm supposed to be screwing my husband senseless… but I'm not!"  
_ "So a _re you texting me for guidance? You lay on the bottom and he gets on top. When you get bored, you switch. Have fun princess."  
_ " _WTF?! Are you reading my texts?"  
_ " _Yes… but you've been very vague."  
_ " _He had ONE thing to do...ONE!"  
_ " _Calm down. What happened?"  
_ " _He wants me to sleep in a fucking tent!"  
_ " _Come again?"  
_ " _You got it. Tent. Camping."  
_ " _*dying*"  
_ " _Luke! Help me!"  
_ " _Sorry. Where are you really?"  
_ " _Some remote piece of shit field in the middle of fucking nowhere. All I can smell is cow crap and hear are wild, rabid dogs."  
_ " _He's gone barking mad!"  
_ " _Tell me something I don't know."  
_ " _What's he doing?"  
_ " _He's pitching the tent while I'm sulking like a petulant five year old."  
_ " _Wow… you two really know how to celebrate."  
_ " _He's just smacked his hand with the wooden hammer thing."  
_ " _Mallet?"  
_ " _What?"  
_ " _A mallet?"  
_ " _Like the bad haircut?"  
_ " _No you div. A mAllet. Wooden hammer 'thing'."  
_ " _Dude, why can't you just say wooden hammer."  
_ " _Has he hurt himself?"  
_ " _Huh?"  
_ " _When he hit himself with the mallet... the wooden hammer… Did he hurt himself?"  
_ " _I think so. He's got his hand between his legs and he's dancing round on one leg in a circle, swearing at the sky."  
_ " _Now that IS something I'd like to see. Seriously though, you need to go and help him."  
_ " _No."  
_ " _Why not? In sickness and in health, remember?"  
_ " _Don't get me started, ok?"  
_ " _What's up your arse?"  
_ " _I'm fine… thanks for asking. PS: It's raining and I refuse to get out of the car."  
_ " _So, what are you going to do?"  
_ " _I don't know… find the closest roach motel I guess."  
_ " _Why are you giving in?"  
_ " _Dude, cow shit, barking dogs, no shower and far too much nature."  
_ " _Ok… two ticks."  
_ " _Ok? Dude, I hate when you say 'two ticks' cuz it feels like an eternity."_

 **Two minutes later…**

" _Hello!"  
_ " _Luke! You there?"  
_ " _Damn it! So much for 'two ticks'!"  
_ " _Oh for fucks sake!"  
_ " _I give up!"_

 **Fifteen minutes later…**

" _Patience is a virtue princess!"  
_ " _Finally! I was starting to grow old!"  
_ " _Whatever! Go to Badger Chalet in Big Bear Lake… when you get there, ask for Alice."  
_ " _Dude… how do you know where I am?"  
_ " _I used my find a friend app."  
_ " _Creeper!"  
_ " _Just go."  
_ " _Why, what's there?"  
_ " _A quaint cabin with a real roof and indoor plumbing."  
_ " _Seriously?"  
_ " _Yes… there's also a full spa, activities and fourteen places to eat. Enjoy but don't tell Jesse what I've done."  
_ " _Thanks Luke… you're the best."  
_ " _Yeah, I know."  
_ " _I owe you big time."  
_ " _And I intend to cash in."  
_ " _Just say when."  
_ " _Go… have sex with your husband. Ugh… I just threw up in my mouth!"  
_ " _Nah, I think I have a really bad headache."  
_ " _You are very bad!"  
_ " _Yeah, I know."_

Shortly after the text exchange with Luke, Beca covered her neatly curled hair with the hood of her sweater and braved the rain to go and stop Jesse from hurting himself any further. At first, he was disappointed that Beca wasn't willing to try tent camping but had to admit that after she showed him the weather forecast and the absence of several horny bovine, the cabin with indoor plumbing seemed preferable. He was also disappointed that he didn't quite understand ' _the memo'_ but after Beca showed him pictures of Badger Chalet, he had to admit, that it looked much better than the tent.

Promising to make it up to Beca, Jesse returned the tent to the campsite manager, telling him to keep the money and got back in the car. Feeling much better already, they both began to laugh about it as they headed towards the mountains and Big Bear Lake. Beca decided that she wouldn't ever tell Jesse that Luke had arranged the change of venue. It was something he didn't need to know about and as the miles disappeared on the journey, Beca's mood lightened and she realized that, while not what she wanted or had in mind, Jesse had _tried_ to make plans for a honeymoon and that had to count for something.

They stopped for lunch in a small town about twenty miles from Big Bear Lake. While waiting for their food to be served, Beca noticed that Jesse was fidgeting. He kept checking his phone and looking over his shoulder to a spot in the parking lot. When she pushed him to open up about what was bothering him, he wildly tried to explain that he was checking for updates from Cynthia Rose. Beca decided not to push any further and knew he'd open up when he was ready.

Jesse seemed to calm down after his meal arrived and he attacked his double cheeseburger with enthusiasm and even managed to laugh and joke about Amy's antics at their wedding. He brought up the subject of Beca discovering her parents shagging like rabbits in their guest room while high on pot brownies and Beca enjoyed sharing Luke's tale of MawMaw pinching his backside after shoving him in the hall closet, falsely telling him there was a large spider inside that needed to be stomped.

The mood in the car was noticeably lifted after their brief stop and after another thirty minutes on the road, Beca and Jesse pulled up to the most precious cabin with all the modern conveniences of home. Luke had done a good job and addition to securing the cabin, he had arranged for the delivery of a gourmet meal, chocolate dipped strawberries and sparkling cider as well as a couples massage.

After spending a couple weeks without cell service; Luke had instructed Alice to disconnect the wifi, Beca and Jesse were ready to head home. The break had helped them to shut the world out and enjoy the trip to the fullest. Days were spent parasailing, jet skiing, ziplining and biking along the trails, while evenings were spent taking in the gorgeous sunsets from the hot tub on the back deck. What could have turned into a complete disaster, ended up being a really great trip.

They were on the road for thirty minutes when they finally got back into cellphone range. Jesse's phone started going crazy with messages, as he began listening to message after message from Cynthia Rose, the smile on his face got bigger with each one. In the two weeks that he and Beca were gone, Cynthia Rose had managed to pack The Riff's schedule with appearances. They were due to appear on both local and national morning and late night shows as well as gigs at a few music festivals around the country. According to the last message Cynthia Rose left, Jesse had just enough time to go home and get some laundry done and pack a fresh bag before he had to head to LAX for his flight to New York.

This wasn't exactly the start to married life that Beca had expected. She knew it would be crazy and that life had to continue, but she had no idea that Jesse would hit the ground running the moment they returned from their honeymoon. She was hoping for a few quiet days at home before returning to the everyday grind. Realizing that wasn't going to happen and not wanting to sit around the house by herself, she messaged Sawyer to let him know she'd be returning to work earlier than planned.

Jesse, on the other hand, was extremely excited about visiting New York. He'd never been to the East Coast before but had always heard such wonderful things about it. While he was in New York, the band got to promote their upcoming album and performed on Good Morning America, The Today Show, LIVE with Kelly and Michael as well as The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and Late Night with Seth Meyers. The positive reviews poured in and he called Beca in excitement although she had to ask him to slow down as he was talking so fast. She also noticed that he had developed a pretty nasty choking cough.

Upon his return to Los Angeles, it was more of the same, more talk shows and appearances but by far his favorite appearance was on The Ellen Show. Ellen was down to Earth and quirky and said that she loved that the band came from humble beginnings and slowly made a name for themselves. She had also admitted to following them prior to their rise to stardom which had Jesse grinning like a lovestruck fool on stage.

Casey was noticeably absent from all of the appearances The Riff made. While he had returned to his Jesse's side for the wedding, at Anne's request, he ultimately decided that the rock and roll lifestyle was not for him. Casey, Amber and Willow were a happy family and he was afraid to miss one minute of their time together. He didn't want to watch Willow grow up via FaceTime, he wanted to be there to see and experience it all first hand. He told Cynthia Rose and the band of his decision and took a job with Amber's dad working for a construction company. It was a difficult choice for him to make but it was one that would allow him to be home with his family every night. After many heated discussions, it was announced that Pepper, or Chloe as was her real name, would become the lead singer of The Riff. It seemed to sit well with everyone.

Jesse found that he was away from home more than he ever expected to be and his time with Beca was limited. They always seemed to make the best of the time they had together and made a pact to never spend more than a week apart. Beca traveled with Jesse when she could, which they both seemed to enjoy, in the beginning... then Jesse began acting weird. She couldn't put her finger on what was wrong but chalked it up to all the travel and time away from home. He seemed increasingly tired, exhausted even and took to skipping meals to get more time in bed.

Some musicians were made to travel and did so with ease, others weren't so lucky. Jesse seemed to be one of the unlucky ones. The traveling was wearing on him very quickly, so quickly, in fact, that when Beca suggested a quick weekend away, just the two of them, that he rudely snapped at her. Beca didn't think anything of his behavior, rationalizing to herself that he would just prefer to be home rather than another hotel. She had also noticed that he was getting sick a lot more often and had a nagging cough that he couldn't seem to shake, which worried her.

She carefully broached the subject at home one evening as they were making pizza's together. Jesse was busy decorating his half with slices of pepperoni and cheese when he had to step outside to get some air. After returning to the kitchen, Beca had wiped her hands on a dishcloth and forced him to sit on one of the kitchen stools and listen to her concerns.

Very reluctantly, Jesse finally agreed to see a doctor about the cough but when Beca offered to go with him he declined stating that he ' _could go by himself'_ and that he ' _didn't want both of them missing work for a silly little cough'_. Beca ignored the tone in his voice, knowing that something was clearly not right and her fears and worries were soon confounded.

As it turned out, it wasn't just ' _a little cough'_ , Jesse was dehydrated and diagnosed with bronchitis, in fact, he was on the verge of pneumonia. He was immediately admitted to the hospital for observation and given breathing treatments, IV antibiotics and fluids. Jesse hated being fussed over and watched so closely, he just wanted to be left alone.

He was adamant that Beca go to work. There was nothing she could do but sit and watch him all day. Beca understood that feeling completely; hospitals reminded her of the time she was in Las Vegas with Bodhi but she visited Jesse twice a day, bringing him home cooked treats and his iPod.

After spending three nights in the hospital the doctor signed Jesse's discharge papers, ordered him to bedrest for the rest of the week and strongly encouraged him to quit smoking, which Jesse wasn't happy about at all. By going to rehab, he was able to give up drugs and booze, which was made easier because he could still smoke. Smoking was his last vice, a pretty big vice considering he went through almost two packs a day and now he was being told that he needed to give that up too. He promised the doctor that he would try to cut down but that he couldn't give it up completely.

 **o~O~o**

Exactly two months to the day after Beca's wedding, on July 31st, Aubrey's twins were born after a relatively easy pregnancy. Prudence Rachel "Pru" and Penelope Rebeca "Penny" were born four weeks early, during a heatwave and ' _in the middle of the fucking night'_ which really pissed Aubrey off because her hair and makeup weren't done. During their natural delivery, Aubrey managed to break one of Ben's fingers and his shrieks of pain were louder than hers. The babies were tiny but they were healthy and a very welcomed addition to the family even though everyone thought the babies names were weird.

Amy, on the other hand, thought the babies names were simply perfect, though she did think that Penny's nickname should have been ' _Peca'_. She very excitedly reminded everyone that the babies were born on Harry Potter's birthday and that their unusual names would most definitely secure their spot at Hogwarts. She couldn't wait for their eleventh birthday when they would get their letter from Hogwarts and even promised to buy the girls a snowy white owl named Gertie and a ginger kitten name Hoofwank to take with them.

Beca responded by rolling her eyes and wondering if Amy had been hitting the pot brownies again. "Really Ames?! Hoofwank?! Some of Luke's Britishness is rubbing off on you."

"Can't exactly call the cat Bungleprick now can we? McGonagall would have them expelled quicker than the full moon can make Lupin transfigure into a werewolf."

"Amy… Lupin died in the eighth movie."

"Oh… Well… I'm still right you know? He can't exactly transfigure if he's six feet under."

Beca quickly came to the conclusion that Amy was most definitely hitting the pot brownies pretty hard and that perhaps an intervention was necessary, or maybe she just needed to be kept away from MawMaw. Beca knew that Amy and Betty had a special relationship which she loved and encouraged because Amy's grandparents were in Australia and she only saw them a few times a year. Amy and Betty had a standing Saturday brunch date every week since Beca's wedding which Beca knew her grandmother was thoroughly enjoying because she did occasionally tag along. Amy had to be told to not take MawMaw clubbing as too much excitement for the old girl was not good for her heart. MawMaw's response was to book a skydiving trip although Amy was mysteriously busy that day when asked if she wanted to join in.

As hard as she tried to hide it, Beca had a hard time meeting the new babies. It hadn't been that long since she had lost Bodhi and she prayed that she would be pregnant again soon. She ached to fill the void and though she knew no one could ever take Bodhi's place, she prayed a new baby would help to ease the pain.

Looking into the sweet little faces of Penny and Pru, Beca hoped it wouldn't be long before she was giving them a cousin to play with. While Beca enjoyed the feel of a new baby in her arms, cradling the tiny human so easily into the crook of her elbow the family watched her, secretly wishing and hoping for the same thing she was.

"Beca…" Aubrey said trying to get Beca's attention after Beca had bent down to kiss the baby's forehead and not come back up for over ten minutes.

"Just one more minute Aub, I promise I'll give Pru back."

"It's ok… but let's switch. Here… take Penny." Aubrey smiled.

Beca finally took her eyes off the baby, "Sure." she said as she walked toward Aubrey's bed.

The girls carefully switched babies before Beca perched herself on the bed next to Aubrey. "They're perfect Aub… absolutely perfect. You seriously make pretty babies."

"You don't think their names are weird?"

Beca thought for a moment. Prudence and Penelope weren't exactly her taste but the names weren't completely awful. "A little old fashioned but not weird."

"My mom hates their names."

"Since when do you care what your mom thinks?" Beca asked as she stroked the baby's face.

"I don't really but she suggested that we give them ' _normal'_ middle names."

Beca snickered. "Aub, you gotta do you. Name your babies whatever you want to name them."

"Thanks, that means a lot."

"What are their middle names?"

"Pru's middle name is Rachel."

"And Penny?"

"It's Rebeca… after her Godmother."

Beca was shocked as her eyes met Aubrey's. "Me? Really?"

"Yes you!" Aubrey smiled.

"Are you sure? Cuz you can totally change your mind and I'd be ok with that."

"I can't imagine anyone else being her Godmother."

"Why me?"

"Honestly? Because she's the feisty one, even in utero." Aubrey grinned. "Pru is more like me."

Beca laughed. "Uh oh… I'm not quite sure the world is quite ready for two Aubrey's!" She looked down at the little girl, sleeping sounding in her care and smiled at her. "I'll be there for them Aubrey, forever and always. Thank you for choosing me."

 **o~O~o**

August and September brought even more family celebrations. On August 26th, Beca's MawMaw celebrated her 80th birthday. When Beca asked her MawMaw what she wanted to do for her birthday, she responded by saying… "Anything that involves good food, Pina Coladas and a personal cabana boy. Is that handsome Luke free?"

Beca took the idea and ran with it, although she did warn Luke that he might want to bring a date to the shindig so that MawMaw wouldn't get too frisky with him. Luke had laughed loudly but had quickly scrolled through his phone to find someone to ask. He offered to help Beca out with any of the plan as Jesse was so busy sorting out his future with the band and out of town quite a bit. Beca was grateful for the help as the heat of the endless and particularly hot summer was beginning to take its toll on her. Luke had come over every evening to help move furniture, decorate with paper streamers and help move the half ton of groceries that Beca had bought.

The result was a large surprise luau in Beca's backyard and MawMaw loved it. The photograph of the entire family, with MawMaw up front and center, surrounded by the people she loved the most was hung on her bedroom wall.

September marked Anne and Will's 30th anniversary and Beca treated them to a five day trip to New York. To complete the surprise, she'd booked a helicopter tour of the city, a evening cruise with a private chef, a personalized trip to Tiffany's where they could both choose something to remember the past 30 years and lastly, and Will's secret favorite excursion, a trip out to Hoboken and a visit to Carlo's Bakery where he ate more cannolis than Anne though humanly possible. They loved their trip and thanked Beca at least a dozen times as she met them at the airport to bring them home. Despite the long journey, Anne insisted that Beca stay for dinner, citing that she looked tired.

"I'm fine Mom… I swear. Just busy at work."

"And where's Jesse?" Anne had asked as she put the key into the front door and shrieked with delight as she took in the huge bouquet of flowers that Beca had arranged as a last surprise. "Oh, Becs, they are beautiful!"

"I thought you'd like them!" Beca grinned as her dad gave her a happy thumbs up for the extra mile she'd gone to make sure their anniversary was special.

"No Jesse?" Will asked, reminding Beca of Anne's earlier question.

"He's working." Beca stated flatly. In truth, she'd hardly seen Jesse in a month and while they messaged all day long, her start to their married life hadn't been everything it was supposed to have been and what she imagined it would be like.

"Extra hours with Bob?" Will asked, setting the suitcases down in the hallway.

"No, this is with the band. He and Pepper are spending loads of time down at the studio."

"Well, at least he is trying to make things work." Anne said as she headed upstairs to get changed.

"Oh, I'm not complaining." Beca said, with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. "I know what it takes to get a band off of the ground."

"Then what is it?" Bob asked, leaning against the banister.

"He needs a break. He's been working so hard that when he does finally come home, it's usually around midnight and he's asleep by five minutes past. Then he's up at four when that damn cough he can't get rid of wakes him up and then he's out the door before I'm showered in the morning."

"Are you both ok?"

"Yeah, we're fine. Just looking forward to spending some proper time together, you know?"

"Married life isn't all highs, there's plenty of lows too. I should know!"

"I heard that!" Anne called from upstairs.

Will and Beca looked to each other and smiled. "Hang in there kiddo, it will all work out for the best."

"Thanks Dad."

"Have you heard from Amy? How are the wedding plans going for that crazy pair?" Anne asked, coming down the stairs with the house phone in her hand which she held out towards her husband. "Call for takeout, will you dear? I'm too tired to cook."

"There's a homecooked meal in the fridge for you." Beca stated and both Will and Anne snapped their heads up to look at their daughter before looking at each other. "All you have to do is warm it up."

"We might have faults Anne, but I can say with clarity that we raised an amazing and thoughtful daughter."

"Thanks Dad. I love you both so much."

"We love you more."

 **o~O~o**

At the end of the month, Amy and Bumper got hitched in a surprisingly sensible and almost straightforward ceremony at one of the nicer hotels in the area. Amy had threatened to have kangaroos as her bridesmaids but had opted for her younger cousin, Beca and Bumper's five year old niece. Her color scheme was hot pink and while Beca had cursed under her breath at first at the garish dress Amy wanted her to wear, even she admitted that once the wedding party was put together, it did look really good.

As they put the finishing touches to Amy's outfit, a strapless dress with a bodice encrusted with thousands of tiny crystals and sequins, Amy poked Beca in the ribs and told her she was looking really skinny.

"Jesse's a real man!" Amy purred as Beca pinned up an escaped hair curl.

"Huh?"

"Bones are for dogs Beca. Jesse needs some meat on his woman."

"Oh. Wait, what?"

"Are you forgetting to eat?" Amy asked. "I know it's been a busy few months."

"Focus on your wedding Ames. Don't worry about me!"

"Beca, you're my best friend and I love you to pieces. You are the only person who never complains when I steal $20 from your purse every month. But you gotta start looking after yourself!"

"I do!" Beca said, giving Amy's hair a light spray of glitter hairspray. "Look at this pudge around my middle. I gotta start working out more, not less!" She smoothed down her dress to show Amy her tiny hint of a belly. "Middle age is getting me and... wait! You're _still_ stealing money from me?"

"Oh gosh, is that the time?" Amy exclaimed, looking at her wrist that didn't have a watch on it. "Time to go!"

Beca laughed and shook her head as she helped Amy gather up her dress and pushed her through the door to the waiting car outside. "We'll come back to that another time."

"Thank you for everything you've done to get me looking less like a wallaby."

"You never have looked like a wallaby. But I will say one thing..." Beca said, spinning Amy around to look up at her friend for a moment. "... you've never looked more beautiful than you do today."

"Thank you." Amy said, unnaturally quiet for a moment.

"As much as these words will probably choke me to say it, Richard Babcock is a lucky man to have you in his life."

"Damn right he is!" Amy laughed but Beca could see the tiny tears in Amy's eyes. Beca took the break to bundle Amy into the waiting car. She was about to step back to let Amy's dad join her in the wedding car when she felt she had to explain something.

"I'm sorry Jesse couldn't make it today. He sends his best to you though." Beca lied, as she hadn't spoken to him in three days.

"I completely understand. He can just send us 10% of the profits from his first album when it's done. You'll be ok going Han Solo today?"

"Luke's doubling up as my plus one today."

"He always does." Amy smiled and sat back in the seat. Beca took that as her cue to leave and get into the car with the other bridesmaids and Amy's Mom.

The rest of the day went without incident which surprised most people. The meal was traditional Australian cuisine with three huge barbeque pits stationed outside. Amy assured everyone that it wasn't roadkill as she handed out pieces of lamington as her wedding favor. Beca held back a giggle as everyone looked suspiciously at the sponge cake inside the little packages.

"No pot in these." Amy grinned wickedly but Beca decided that she wouldn't eat the light sponge, coated in chocolate and rolled in dessicated coconut, just in case! She'd been feeling a little light headed all day and found Luke in the line for a burger, and snaffled the last piece of shrimp from his plate.

"Help yourself much?" Luke said, playfully slapping her hands.

"Can it Donovan, I'm hungry!"

"Been a good day."

"Suspiciously good so far."

"There is time for the facade to drop!"

"Bumper looks quite normal today." Beca said, taking Luke's arm and wrapping her own around it.

"Personal space. Ever heard of it?"

"Yeah. So nice you are willing to share yours."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope."

"Where's Bellend today anyway?"

"At the studio with the rest of the band. Pepper picked him up early this morning."

"When is the album going to be done. Seems like they have been working on it for months."

"Think they just want to get it right."

"Obviously. But surely, that's what the techs are for?"

"I guess." Beca thought about Luke's words as she took his spot in the line, stealing the last burger that she knew Luke had had his eye on. She also knew he'd be taken a large bite out of it as he collected some more chicken and shrimp.

"Can you give me a ride home later?"

"Nope. You are married now but I can give you a lift, if you like."

"Oh, you are your correctness!" Beca said, throwing some onion at him.

"Hey!" Luke laughed, picking the relish off of his suit jacket. He handed it back to her.

"No, you keep it."

"You love onions."

"I'm hoping Jesse will be home when I get there and... you know?"

"Urgh. I do not want to hear about all that unpleasantness." Luke laughed. "But it would be good for you two to spend some real time together. Just the two of you."

"You're telling me!"

"Uh oh, Amy's gesturing. I think it is time for the speeches."

 **o~O~o**

One evening in mid-October, Beca left work early to prepare a nice dinner for Jesse. They had both been working late hours and after several months of craziness, she was looking forward to a nice, quiet evening at home. As she pulled into the grocery store's parking lot, she was running through a menu in her mind and as she collected a cart, she was so deep in thought that she didn't even hear Cynthia Rose calling her name.

"Earth to Beca!" Cynthia Rose said, placing a light hand on Beca's arm.

"Whoa, sorry! Didn't see you there."

"You looked miles away."

"I'm thinking about food."

"Then you are forgiven!" Cynthia Rose laughed and Beca grinned.

"I'm making a special dinner tonight for Jesse and I. It's been so long since we sat down and actually ate a meal together, I can't remember the last time we actually did that."

"He's been busy?"

"Yeah, his slave driver of a boss works him too hard!"

"Where's he working now?"

"Huh?" Beca asked, slightly confused.

"What's he up to now?"

"What do you mean? I thought he was working on the album with you?"

"Album was finished three months ago."

"That doesn't make sense. He said there were finishing touches still to be done."

"A couple of things. I didn't know he was such a perfectionist. I have to say Beca, I misjudged him in the beginning. He and Chloe have been a breath of fresh air with their dedication."

"Next time, listen to me then!" Beca said, wanting to end the conversation as she was so confused as to what was going on.

"I will! I predict great things from The Riff. I was concerned that after Casey left, it would fall apart but I was wrong. I know Jesse has spent a lot of time sorting out the band, their look and attitude."

' _That's what I must be thinking of then. He hasn't been going to the studios, they must have been rehearsing elsewhere.'_ Beca thought to herself.

"How's work with you?"

"Oh, going really well." Beca said. "Crazy busy. Like bullshit busy."

"Heard you got a new British star."

"News travels fast. Yep, signed a Londoner named Adele."

"She good."

"Fricking amazing. Wait 'til you hear her first album. It's gonna blow minds!"

"Looking forward to it. Listen Beca, I've got to run. But we should have lunch soon."

"Definitely."

"You look really well at the moment."

"Thanks, I like what you've done with your hair."

"What are you after?" Cynthia Rose laughed, leaning forward to hug Beca. "Call me soon, ok?"

"You got it." Beca promised. "Take care."

"Have a good evening."

"You too."

The friends parted company and Beca began pushing her cart through the store, thinking about everything Cynthia Rose said. Had she been listening when Jesse had been talking or had she been reading his hastily written notes wrong? Had she been so wrapped up with her own work that she'd been ignoring his needs? Cross with herself for potentially missing the little signs that she was neglecting Jesse, she vowed to do better. It wasn't like her to be so absent minded and as she strolled up and down the aisles of the store, she collected everything she needed for a really special meal, as well as some staples, dog food and toiletries. She loaded up the car and after depositing the cart back, sent Jesse a text to see what time he'd be home.

As soon as she arrived at home, Beca put the groceries away before running upstairs to change into a pair of sweats and use the bathroom. She was planning to prepare Chateaubriand with bearnaise sauce, Chateau potatoes, grilled asparagus and a fresh salad. While she waited for the oven to preheat, she decided to take the puppies for a short walk to burn off some of their cooped up energy. They bounded alongside her, as she entered the woods and she cleared her mind of the fog she'd been carrying around for a few days. She wanted to be on point when Jesse got home and wanted to be prepared to really listen to what he had to say.

Upon their return home, Beca gave each of the puppies a new bone before going into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. She still hadn't heard back from Jesse as to what time he'd be home but she breathed through her annoyance and decided to take a quick shower, guessing she had time before he came home. She left the bathroom door open so she could hear if he came home and was greeted with two furry faces when she stepped out of the shower.

"You two..." She said, rolling her eyes at her constant companions. "No Jags, don't lick my legs! I can dry myself!"

Dressed in comfy jeans and one of her shirts that showed off the cleavage that Jesse liked so much, Beca was just setting the dining room table for dinner when Jesse walked in the house in a huff. He slammed the door, which startled Beca and then yelled at the dogs when they tried to greet him, their loyalty showing no limits even though Jesse didn't spend that much time with them. Beca wasn't sure what was going on with his attitude but she planned to get to the bottom of it.

"What's wrong?" Beca asked Jesse as she walked in the family room. He'd been acting weird for days and she had yet to figure out what was eating him for lunch.

"Hi yourself." Jesse said, emptying his pockets onto one of the end tables. He collected his phone back up and slipped it into his pocket; a move that didn't go unnoticed by Beca.

"Jesse?"

"What?"

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No, why?"

"Did you get my message earlier?"

"Yeah."

"You just didn't want to reply?" Beca asked gently. Inside she was fuming at his attitude but was determined not to react to his snark. She had a sneaking suspicion he might have started drinking again and wanted to address the issue rather than raise her voice.

"What was the point? I said this morning that I'd be home around 6. It's, what..." Jesse said, looking at his watch, a gift from Beca on their wedding day. "... almost 7. Is that what this is about, me being an hour late?"

"No, not at all."

"I need to be checking in every two damn minutes now?"

"No, I was just asking because of dinner."

"I'm not hungry." Jesse said angrily.

"Oh, did you eat at work?" Beca asked, trying not to let her disappointment show. A simple text from him to say he'd eaten could have saved her a lot of extra work.

"No."

"Are you sick again?"

"Enough with the fucking questions Beca! For fucks sake, can you just-"

"-Jesse!" Beca interrupted his rant as Roxy let out a small bark.

"Shut up dog!" Jesse yelled.

"Ok, that's enough. I'm trying to have a civil conversation with you and find out how you are doing and you're getting aggressive and yelling at a puppy." Beca said softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Jesse barked at her. "You wouldn't understand anyway."

"Really?!" Beca asked, her voice a little louder than expected but she had kept her cool long enough. "I'm your fucking wife! We've been married all of five months and already you're pushing me away."

"I'm not. It's... it's work stuff… ok?"

"What about work?" She asked, slightly intrigued as she remembered the conversation at the grocery store. "Work, work? Or band work?"

"Why the sudden interest?" Jesse asked, sighing heavily. He indicated that he was leaving the room and Beca followed him into the kitchen. He filled a glass with some water and leaned up against the kitchen counter.

"No sudden interest Jesse. Like I said, I'm your wife. You are my husband. If something is worrying you, I need to know about it. I'm always interested in what you are up to."

"I'm not _up_ to anything." Jesse exclaimed and Beca looked surprised at his enthusiasm.

"You can't... Jesse, is there a problem at work? If you lost your job, you-"

"-I gave my notice at work months ago. Cynthia Rose said it would be best for me to focus all of my energy on the band."

"You did what? Why?" Beca questioned. "I thought you took a leave of absence."

"I resigned. It was my choice to make." Jesse said again. "Bob tried to warn me against it but I'm a grown man and very capable of making my own decisions."

"That may be true, but it's risky to just quit and-"

"-So you have zero faith in me? Wow, thanks for the support."

"Jesse! You can hardly say that I don't support you."

"Oh yes, sorry your Royal Highness. I guess those trips to Starbucks makes you a lifetime Saint."

"What the fuck Jess? I meant that if you wanted to stand on your own two feet, as you have proclaimed so many times before, then having your own money coming in would have been on your list of priorities. I'm not for one minute..." Beca held up her finger to signify the number. "... one minute suggesting that you, or Pepper, or The Riff are not super talented and going to go places but it might take longer than a month once, the album has been released, to get your name out there."

"Bob said that too." Jesse said, his anger subsiding and his shoulders dropping as he listened to Beca.

"What did Bob say?"

"He said I should make sure the band was really going places before I throw my livelihood in the trash."

Beca thought carefully how to word what she wanted to say next. "Listen, is it really work that's bothering you? Do you need some money?"

"No. I've got some in my account."

"If you quit work months ago, why are you throwing it in my face now?"

"Me quitting work had and has nothing to do with you. My life has nothing to do with you."

"So what does this ring on my finger mean to you?"

"Oh my God Beca! Life isn't about you and what you want."

"You mean that?"

"Yes, at this point in my life, I fucking do. Is this all because I didn't tell you I quit some lame ass job that paid me $800 a week. I'm better than that. I've got people relying on me and-"

"-And you didn't think to speak with me about this before you quit?" Beca asked, hurt.

"Beca what was I supposed to do? I've got Cynthia Rose riding my ass by day and you riding my ass by night."

"I hardly ' _ride your ass'_ , I'm just asking about your day. There's no riding at all! In fact, you've barely touched me for weeks. Is it me? Am I the problem? Things changed after Bodhi and-"

"-Don't bring him into this. Don't mention him. Ever."

"How dare you?! Seriously? I'm not going to ever stop thinking or talking about my son."

"Maybe you should. Maybe it's time to get over it."

Jesse had no time to say anything as he felt Beca's hand crack across his cheek. "If you think I'm ever going to get over it, you don't know me at all." She said quietly, her voice straining with emotion. Jesse reached out a hand to rub his cheek.

"Beca, I-"

"-I'm sorry I hit you."

"I deserved that."

"And I deserve someone who is willing to share their day."

"Then call your buddy Luke. Nag him instead."

"That's enough Jesse. I'm going upstairs. There are sheets and blankets in the closet in the hall. You can sleep anywhere you like except next to me."

Beca looked away as tears ran down her face, the weight of Jesse's words ripping through her very core. She didn't think that caring about her husband and what was going on in his life was considered ' _riding his ass'_. She didn't feel that asking about his day was nagging. To the best of her knowledge, she didn't think there was a book about wifely do's and don't's but she was pretty damn certain that she hadn't crossed any invisible lines. Ignoring the smell of a ruined dinner, she walked out of the kitchen.

"That's fine by me. I don't want you near me either." Jesse said spitefully. "I don't even care that you are crying right now, that's how mad you've made me."

Without a word, Beca crossed the room toward the stairs.

"And you should think about going back to the gym." Jesse said, following her, wanting to crush her even further. "You're getting fat."

As she reached for the bannister, she turned around and very quietly said, "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant… you asshole."

* * *

 **A/N: Don't hate me too much!** **I'd love to hear your thoughts... and I'm prepared for hate mail... or am I?! ;) Until next time.**


	32. Chapter 31: Fuck Ups and Flashbacks

**A/N: I hope everyone has recovered from their Easter chocolate comas. Happy reading... or not!**

 **Corinne... You're the best! xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 31  
Fuck Ups & Flashbacks**  
 **o~O~o**

Jesse didn't turn around right away. He was too ashamed of the things he had just said in the heat of the moment to even look at Beca. He listened to her sniffling as she slowly walked up the stairs, jumping when he heard their bedroom door slam shut with such force he imagined a huge crack appearing in the door jam. He hated it when she slammed doors and she knew it. The sound brought him back to the days when Chuck would shove him into the hall closet and leave him there for hours at a time.

He hovered in the kitchen, rocking from foot to foot as a dozen thoughts ran through his mind. He nervously flexed his fingers, not quite sure what to do with himself.

 _"Did I hear her right?"_

 _"Pregnant?"_

 _"How?"_

 _"Well, I know that much."_

 _"When? We haven't... oh wait, the night we wrapped on the album."_

 _"Is the baby mine?"_

 _"Of course the baby is mine. She's not like me. She's faithful."_

 _"Wow… another baby."_

 _"Is it safe for her to be pregnant so soon after losing Bodhi?"_

 _"Oh God… why did I tell her she couldn't mention him?"_

 _"Did she find out about Pepper and do this on purpose to trap me?"_

 _"What am I thinking? We're married and even if we weren't she wouldn't trap me."_

As he began to walk toward the stairs, fully intending to go upstairs and have it out with Beca, when he heard one of the dogs whimper in the family room. Glancing to see if the puppy was stuck under one of the end tables again, his eyes swept into the dining room. Beca had set the table for dinner, complete with candles, cloth napkins and the fancy place settings. She had a plan… just as she always did and he'd been too selfish and blind to see it and all because he was acting like a total douchebag. She planned a wonderful meal for the two of them to tell him the exciting news about the new baby and he ruined it.

Like a train slamming into his chest, it hit him. By becoming pregnant again, Beca was on the road to healing and despite everything he was doing to ruin their relationship, he wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. She needed this... and he'd taken it away from her. Jesse's breath caught in his throat and he tried to swallow the hard lump that had formed there. Until then he didn't realize that he hadn't grieved for his son until that very moment. And all he had done was to push Beca further away, when all she had done was to try to pull him closer.

Why was it so hard for him to accept that he'd married a loving, caring woman that took a real interest in what was going on in his life? Was it because it was easier to fall back on old, familiar habits so easily? Or was it because he didn't feel like he deserved her love and affection because the years of being told he was a failure was embedded in his soul? He loved Beca with his whole being but was he in love with her? That was a question that he'd never really been able to answer. Beca was home, safe, predictable with her generous love whereas Pepper was wild, off the wall and up in the air all the time. He liked the uncertainty but at the same time, it was slowly killing him. It wasn't as if Beca didn't like adventure, sharing new things together and she made him laugh more than anyone else did. He couldn't understand why he wasn't completely infatuated with her. Was he just waiting for her to leave him, like everyone else in his life had?

He sank to his knees and raised his eyes to the heavens. "Why do I continue to fuck things up with this woman?"

'This woman' … Was that all Beca was?

Jesse's phone, the bane of his existence, started to vibrate in his pocket. Changing his mind about going upstairs, he stood up and walked toward the back door and he removed the phone from his pocket. As he sat down at the table on the morning porch, the phone continued to vibrate with message after message, some filled with anger at his lack of response, some teasing him to go to their favorite seedy motel and then there was a few pictures that would have made a porn star blush. After the tenth message came through, Jesse took the phone from the table and threw it into the pool, hearing a satisfying splash before watching as it quickly sunk to the bottom while the life drained out of it.

He felt a sense of relief immediately.

It had been a shitty day and if he were on the road with the band, he'd be drinking by now, despite everyone telling him he needed to quit. Drinking seemed to make everything better, or at least that's what Jesse thought. In reality, the last thing Jesse needed to be doing was drinking… especially after what he saw earlier. He knew he'd taken out his frustration on Beca and he was man enough to admit that he'd fucked up. But he also knew Beca well enough to know that she needed time for herself and wouldn't take kindly to his quietly tapping on the bedroom door and seeking permission to enter. He completely understood her need to be alone. He had rushed home to tell Beca about his afternoon, then faltered at the door when he realized he would have to tell her more than he was prepared to share. He too needed some time alone.

 **o~O~o**  
 **Flashback**  
 **o~O~o**

Arriving at 156 Oaktree Drive, Jesse pulled into Pepper's complex using the gate code she'd given him several weeks earlier. He felt compelled to take it and the key to her apartment despite a persistent ache in his gut telling him to walk away. She had a hold over him that had seemed sexy and mysterious in the beginning but now, his moment of stupidity was going to cost him everything.

As he began to climb the stairs to her apartment on the third floor, he thought back to his wedding day and the buzz of the phone in his pocket as he sat in the reception, doing all he could to focus on Beca and their special day.

He'd been shocked and fearful when he'd heard that Pepper was on her way over to the house to, as she told him in her first text message of that morning, fix everything with Beca. He had felt his blood run cold and his throat close up as he hurriedly shot a text back to ask her what the hell she was playing at.

"Why the fuck are you coming to my house on my wedding day?"

"Relax. I'm coming to see the little woman, not you. Although, if you need stress relief, I am sure I can slip away."

"Why do you need to see Beca?"

"Apparently her hair is out of control."

"Huh?"

"I'm a hairdresser dumbass."

"So... um, you are not going to tell her about us?"

"And miss the opportunity to make you sweat some more? No sir!"

"This has to stay between us Pepper."

"I'll be at the house in half an hour. I'll try to keep my mouth shut."

"Pepper, promise me you'll behave. Not today, ok?"

"Pepper, are you there?"

"Pepper, please promise me?

"Pepper?!"

"Hello?!"

Twenty five minutes later, and a whole lot of nervous twitching from Jesse, his phone finally began to vibrate again in his pocket. He'd taken a quick walk out to the pool to get some air and was well aware of at least a dozen pairs of eyes on him as he kicked a stone about with his foot. He tried to pretend he was practicing his vows in case anyone important was watching him.

"Dude, I'm late."  
"Late? Where were you going? I thought you were coming straight here?"  
"I'm late you jackass."  
"Is traffic bad?"  
"You're such a dense fucker at times… I'M LATE!"  
"Late for what?!"  
"Late as in late late."  
"Did you forget an appointment? Don't worry about coming to do Beca's hair then. It might be best if you don't show up here anyway."  
"OMG… Call me!"  
"I can't… I just had a huge fight with Casey and I'm getting some air."  
"Call me NOW or I'm calling Beca!"  
"You can't do this to me now."  
"I can and I will. You have 5 minutes to call me."

He didn't make the phone call as it was at that exact time that Casey called him and said that he'd spoken to Anne and if Jesse still wanted him to be his best man, he'd be there for him. Casey told to him that he was on his last chance with him and that Jesse had to make a choice, it was either him or Pepper.

Jesse had promised Casey that he'd make things right with Beca and that having his brother by his side through life was more important than his pole dancing lover. Jesse could hear Casey's joy through the phone and Jesse had hung up with a renewed interest in making his marriage work. He was about to send a text to Pepper when he heard her car pull up in the driveway. Gritting his teeth, he peered between the thick hedge that ran the length of the back yard, separating the driveway and the backyard. He'd watched as Pepper jumped out of her car and headed straight for the front door. He heard Aubrey squeal with relief as she saw Pepper standing on the front door step before she animatedly ushered her inside with a cheerful story about how she needed to pee every few minutes. Jesse lost the rest of the conversation as the front door slammed and he didn't hear from Pepper until later on that evening when she began texting as he entered the reception with his new wife. The texts were proof of Jesse's infidelity.

Pepper was pregnant with his baby.

He managed to keep his cool during the honeymoon. In truth, he shut the whole thing out and concentrated on his time with Beca. It wasn't until the drive home, and an inbox full of text messages, that he had to face reality because whether he liked it or not it was hitting him in the face like a shit ton of bricks.

In the ensuing weeks, Pepper had promised to keep the news to herself and to keep her baby's father's identity a secret in exchange for a large sum of money and a monthly income when the baby arrived around Christmas time. They both knew it was blackmail and both chose to ignore that fact. Beca couldn't find out and Jesse would have agreed to do anything, even speaking with Cynthia Rose about Pepper getting a larger cut of the band's profits when the album sales came to fruition. Pepper was now receiving a higher profit than the rest of the band put together and Jesse wasn't sure what to do when Beca found out that particular piece of information.

Unable to think rationally, Jesse reached for the whiskey bottle and spent more than one night making friends with Jack Daniels while pretending and downright lying to Beca that he was on tour with the band. In truth, he was sleeping in a dingy, dirty motel room, trying to figure out the best thing he could do with the circumstances he found himself thrust into. He knew he only had himself to blame but also knew that the deed was done. For a brief moment, he hoped that Pepper would miscarry the baby and then hated himself even more for thinking those things. He also realized that the darkest thoughts were the whiskey talking smack and managed to stop himself from falling too far into the painful cycle of over drinking.

During this time, he kept on receiving messages on his phone from an unknown number. At first he deleted them, thinking the requests to 'meet in person' and 'you can't ignore me forever' texts were a wrong number. He erased them until he woke up to a surprising message one Saturday morning that mentioned him by name. He had shot back a response and was physically shocked to learn that it was his birth father who had been messaging him all along.

He'd returned home that night, after a day spent at the studio where The Riff had finally wrapped on their first album. He had fully intended on coming clean to Beca about the messages from his father and telling her that he was going to get a new phone number. He'd arrived home to find Beca in a fantastic mood, having received a phone call from Cynthia Rose about five minutes before Jesse got home.

Beca was waiting with a bottle of sparkling cider and Chinese takeout and had already begun celebrating in his absence. Caught up in her infectious good mood, Jesse conveniently forgot about the texts on his phone. They'd ended up celebrating the finished album late into the evening, culminating in an epic, semi aggressive and hot but very much needed sex session that had them both in bed way past noon the next day.

Jesse had left Beca sleeping as he'd left the house to drive over to Pepper's to attend one of her prenatal appointments. It was there that he'd seen his baby on the screen for the first time and something had changed in him there and then. He wanted to make a go of things with Pepper and his baby properly and began to think of ways to afford an attorney so that he could divorce Beca before Christmas.

He hated that he was so cowardly and hoped that one day Beca would forgive him.

As Jesse reached the top of the stairs of Pepper's apartment complex, Jesse felt in his pocket for the small engagement ring he'd bought for her after getting the money from selling a piece of Beca's jewelry that he knew she didn't care for too much. He tried hard not to think about the irony in his purchase as he rang the bell and waited for Pepper to answer. After knocking loudly for a couple of minutes, he checked his phone to make sure that he'd read her text correctly about meeting at her apartment that afternoon.

When she didn't answer, Jesse used his key to let himself in, calling out her name as he closed the door behind him. She didn't reply but he heard loud music coming from her bedroom and, knowing she had a dance pole in her room, he guessed she was in the middle of a workout. Crossing through the living area to the other side of the apartment, he shrugged off his jacket and tossed it onto the couch by the window. He was just about to reach for her bedroom door knob when he heard Pepper giggling inside. Wondering if she was about to jump out and surprise him, he braced himself to laugh at the joke as he opened the door.

He wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted him as the door banged against the opposite wall.

Pepper was laid out on top of her quilted bedspread, her knees locked on either side of another man's head. One hand was clutching a handful of his hair and her other hand was busy tugging on her nipple as she bucked against the tongue that was being dragged through her folds.

Jesse's eyes flew open at the sight and he stood there trying to make sense of what was going on. He knew he hadn't had a drink for over a week but the guy working between Pepper's legs looked incredibly familiar. In his shocked state, all Jesse could think about was the baby nestled safely inside Pepper's small rounded belly.

Without a word, Jesse backed out of the room toward the living room. He stumbled out of the apartment door and clumsy staggered down the stairs.

"Jesse! Come back so we can talk about this!" Pepper's singsong voice echoed down the stair well.

"Fuck you!" Jesse yelled back but paused at the bottom of the staircase. He realized he didn't have his jacket with him and he'd left his keys in the inside pocket.

"That would be awesome but as you can see I've got company this afternoon." Pepper giggled, wrapping her robe around herself a little tighter.

"How long has this been going on?" Jesse asked, turning back to the stairs and tentatively walking up the first step. Despite everything, he wanted to be clear on what was happening.

"What?"

"This affair you've been having with my... with that man."

"Why don't you come up and we'll talk about it."

"I'd really rather not."

"Really Jesse? There's a lot you'd rather not be doing but it would seem you have more than an addiction to booze and drugs. You can't seem to let me go either."

"That's a-"

"-Come up and get your coat." Pepper said, turning around and walking away from the stairs. Jesse breathed a hearty sigh and slowly climbed back up the stairs.

His mind was racing. His heart was breaking. His throat was tightening. And yet, the ache in his groin was what was surprising him the most. He hated himself for being so turned on by watching Pepper in bed with another man. He didn't even begin to fathom how it was his father who was laid out with her. What did David Russell have to do with all of this? By the time he reached the top of the stairs, he was feeling quite sick. He knew he was about to lose Pepper and the baby and wasn't sure how to handle it. He almost laughed to himself because he was seemingly more upset by that than the thought of having a conversation with Beca about wanting a divorce.

"Drink?"

"Sorry, what?" Jesse said, startled out of his day dream by a male voice.

"I said, do you want a drink?"

"Yes." Jesse replied. "Something stiff."

"Jesse likes something that's stiff, don't you big boy?" Pepper purred from the sofa in the lounge.

"Chloe, dear, why don't you fix us a drink so we can talk this all through?" David asked, turning to Pepper. Jesse was more shocked when Pepper quickly got up from the sofa to head in the direction of the kitchen. In all the months they had been together, Jesse was the one who had fetched everything, Pepper having refused to do anything she didn't have to do. Jesse began to rationalize that he was a bit of a sap in all of this.

"Ice?" Pepper called from the kitchen.

"Please." Jesse said, not completely sure why he was still here. He wasn't sure whether he was going to give Pepper up without a fight. The thought of being with Beca for the rest of his life wasn't something he could fathom.

"Take a seat." David said, nodding towards the single armchair.

"I'd rather stand." Jesse said, as coldly as he could manage.

"Suit yourself." David said, sitting down on the sofa and crossing one leg over the other. Jesse recognized the pose as one that he did. He also realized that David was very comfortable in the apartment and looked like he belonged.

"What are you doing here?" Jesse asked. "I told you before, when you threatened me with a knife that I wanted nothing more to do with you. That wasn't exactly the best way to introduce yourself to me after all these years."

"You've done your part."

"How?"

"I'll let Chloe explain."

"How long has this been going on?" Jesse asked Pepper as she came out of the kitchen with a tray. The icy bottle of whiskey was almost full and the frosted glasses looked inviting to Jesse.

"What?" Pepper said innocently.

"This affair you have been having with my father?"

"It's not an affair Jesse."

"What do you mean?"

"I've known David since I was seven years old."

"Um, what? Please explain." Jesse said, taking one of the glasses from the tray and filling it to the brim with whiskey. He took a healthy swig from the glass, holding the liquid in his mouth for a second or two before swallowing in a painful gulp.

"Well, David met my Mom when I was about seven, right?" Pepper said, looking at David for confirmation. He nodded his response as Jesse took another mouthful of drink. "They dated for about a year before David moved in."

"He's your step father?" Jesse spat out the words as well as half of the whiskey in his mouth. Wiping his chin, he looked between the two of them. "That is beyond fucked up."

"He was my stepdad, yes." Pepper went onto explain.

"Was?"

"Yeah. He divorced my Mom when I was sixteen."

"And you kept in touch with him, obviously?" Jesse asked.

"Well yeah. We'd been in our own relationship since I was fourteen."

"What the fuck?"

"It's not as weird as it sounds." Pepper laughed but Jesse felt sick.

Turning to David, Jesse curled his lip at the smug look on his father's face. "You're a fucking pedophile?"

"It was consenting." Pepper said. "I loved him and he loved me. We just had to wait until I was of legal age."

"So you two were fucking while he..." Jesse pointed to David with his whiskey glass. "... was married to your Mom? And then you two what? Kept in touch and became fuck buddies in between relationships? That's beyond fucked up."

"No!" Pepper laughed as she and David exchanged a knowing glance.

"What then?"

"He left my Mom for me."

"Dude." Jesse said, looking at David for confirmation.

"I've always liked them young Jesse."

"What?"

"Women. Your Mom was young when I knew her too."

"You leave Bambi out of this. Just don't go there."

"How is your Mom Jesse? How is she-" Before David could finish the rest of the sentence, Jesse flew at him with his fist out, catching him squarely on the jaw. "Ow, fuck!"

"Don't you ever mention her name again! How dare you!"

"Wow! Like father, like son!" Pepper giggled, crossing her legs on the sofa and pulling a cushion onto her lap.

"He's not my father!"

"Well, yeah, I am." David said, rubbing his chin before taking a seat next to Pepper. "We had the DNA tests, if you remember?"

"You told me that was due to a genetic condition and you felt compelled to tell me about."

"Yes, I did."

"Ok, ok... I am beyond confused right now. I need one of you to start talking and explaining properly what the fuck is going on." Jesse said, a hint of pleading to his tone.

"Well Jesse..." David began. "... I met your Mom when she was fourteen. She was a fun kid to hang out with, I was a senior in High School but the five year age difference wasn't a problem. She got pregnant and I admit, I was scared. Your grandma was pretty feisty Jess. Anyway, I went MIA for a bit but heard through friends that you had been born and you were healthy. I did see you and another little boy out with your Mom a few years later and guessed she had moved on and settled down with someone new. I'd always wondered about her."

"But not enough to get in contact and get to know me?"

"What can I say? I was young and stupid. I know it's not much of an excuse but it's all I got for you. Anyway, a few years went past and I met Fran, Chloe's Mom. I wasn't looking for anything serious but we got on well and I enjoyed taking young Chloe out to places. We got married and her Mom started working nights as a nurse a few years later. It meant that Chloe and I spent a lot of time together. I admit, I liked her but I wasn't going to act on it and make the same mistakes I made with your Mom."

"You don't have to call me a mistake to my face."

"That's not what I meant. But anyway, eventually, we couldn't hide our love for each other any longer..." David picked up Chloe's hand and kissed her fingers. Jesse tried not to throw up. "... and I started divorce proceedings with her Mom. She was beyond pissed when she found out Chloe was the reason for the decline in our relationship-"

"-You blame her?" Jesse interrupted.

"... And threw Chloe out. It was a week after her sixteenth birthday and she moved in with me. I'd never officially adopted Chloe so there was nothing her mother could do about keeping us apart. Although she did try."

Jesse watched Pepper shrug her shoulders as if she really didn't care.

"I started feeling a little unwell a few years back and started questioning my existence. I was in the hospital for a while and it got me thinking a little bit about you but also that if I were to die, it would leave my Chloe on her own. We got married in Veg-"

"-Wait, what?" Jesse blurted out, his mind and heart racing.

"... Vegas and made it official and tried to conceive a child."

"I think I'm going to be sick." Jesse cried out. He turned to Pepper. "You're my stepmom? That's gross..."

"Unfortunately, the treatment I had for my liver disease left me infertile. I told Chloe that I wouldn't be able to give her children and at first, she was ok with that. She was sad that we'd never have our own children. Jesse, I never told her about you and after confessing-"

"-Confessing." Jesse scoffed.

"... she urged me to get in touch with you, if nothing else to tell you about the hereditary liver disease I had. I may have unwittingly passed it onto you and felt compelled to tell you about it. I didn't know how to approach you so I started watching you from afar, I was waiting for you outside your place of work and home. I admit that the way I approached you to begin with was a bad idea but I didn't think you'd take me seriously if-"

"-If what? You'd written me a letter or got in touch through a lawyer? Like a normal person?!"

"I admit, my thoughts were not the best. I also had to make sure that you were really my son and after you agreed to the DNA testing, I was really pleased to find out you were. I came home to tell Chloe about it and she asked if we could all meet up perhaps. We both came by to meet you at work one day and that's when Chloe saw you with your girlfriend at the time."

"Beca."

"Yes, Beca. Chloe knew her from some excercise class she'd once taken and said she seemed really nice and was very wealthy. I followed you home once and was so proud of the house you owned with your girlfriend."

"It's always been her house. It's not mine." Jesse admitted.

"Still, I admit that I became a little jealous of your success. You seemed to be on the up and up and we, Chloe and I, were unable to add to our family. That's when Chloe had the idea to keep it in the family."

"Can I just get something straight?" Jesse asked as David took a breath. "You basically started a relationship with a child, married her out of school, tried to father a baby with her and when that didn't happen, decided to use your estranged son to be what, a sperm donor?"

"Yep, that about sums it up." David said, smiling.

"What in the world of fucked up scenarios makes that ok with you?" Jesse spat, draining the glass of whiskey in his hand. "This has got to be the most bizarre thing I have ever heard."

Jesse moved to look out of the window for a moment, needing to collect his thoughts. He turned back to Pepper.

"So, all this time... you pretended to be interested in me, wanted to have a relationship with me, lied through your teeth about wanting us to be together and all this time, you've been married to my own father."

"I guess so, yes. Although I do love you Jesse, I've never lied about that. David and I have a very open relationship. He has brought extra people into our marriage a couple of times and it's fun for a year or so but then we go back to it just being us." Pepper said.

"I don't understand."

"I thought it would be a good idea to keep the genes in the family." Pepper admitted. "That way the baby would look like his dad-"

"-Grandad!" Jesse spat out.

"... and no one would question anything. We had found out that David couldn't have children and I was the one who suggested we see if you would be willing. I thought I'd get to know you a little better and by luck, Beca invited me to her New Year's Eve party and I got to hear you sing. You are really talented Jesse and I was impressed by all of it. I admit, I was a little starstruck by you and by the end of the evening, yeah, I wanted in your pants. I feel in love with you and when I joined the band, that was the icing on the cake. We'd have money to adopt and so I put the idea out of my head but then you started calling me. You were trying to seduce me so I went with it. David was all for it. He was away on business for a few weeks so we planned it all out and you were putty in my hands. I loved you anyway and the afternoon we made love in your bedroom was incredible. It was so good, I didn't even stop to think about Beca in all of this."

"You got pregnant on purpose."

"Not that time, no. About a month before your wedding, when you told Beca we were touring with the band but you and I were up in mountains fucking like rabbits, that's when it happened."

"You told me you were on the pill."

"You told me you were going through with the wedding. While I was never going to leave David, I didn't want to lose you either. I had some leftover Clomid from when I was trying to conceive with David and I'd started taking them again to increase my chances."

"Holy Fuck!"

"It worked though." Pepper said, patting her stomach and smiling at David.

"You two are the most fucked up people I have ever met."

"The three of us are." David said plainly.

"Excuse me?"

"You have a beautiful, talented, loving wife at home who seems willing to do anything for you, giving you chances at life you never thought possible, picked up your sorry ass off of the streets more than once and yet here you are, involved with another woman. Son, that's fucked up."

"I love you Pepper." Jesse spat out.

"I know you do." Pepper said. "I love you too."

"And that's definitely my baby?" Jesse asked and was surprised to see Pepper look hurt for a moment or two.

"Yes." She said quietly. "Considering you and I have been sleeping together almost every day, apart from your honeymoon, I'm not sure who you think could be the father."

"I give no time to Beca." Jesse mumbled to himself, loud enough for David to hear.

"You stick with her son, she's the best you can get."

"Our relationship..." Jesse began to say.

"Your's and Beca's?" Pepper asked and Jesse nodded.

"We don't... you know?"

"Then you have to decide Jesse. Do you want to be with Beca or Chloe?"

"Wait, hang on, what?"

"You can stay with Beca and move on and we'll forget about involving you in the baby's life or you can move in here and we'll all raise the baby together."

"That's a whole new level of fuckedupness." Jesse exclaimed.

"Think about it Jesse." Pepper softly said, as she uncurled herself from the sofa and stood up. She walked over to him and wrapped her hand around his. She reached up to whisper into his ear. "I still love you."

Jesse was ashamed to note that his groin ached with need as he felt her hot breath in his ear.

 **o~O~o**  
 **Present**  
 **o~O~o**

As he stood waiting outside their shared bedroom door, Jesse didn't know what to do with himself. He hated every fiber of his being and he hated that with just a few simple words and action, Pepper had almost seduced him again that very afternoon. He'd followed her into her bedroom but the memory of his father having sex with Pepper was burned into his brain. The ripple of reality coursed through every vein and like a punch to the gut, he realized he couldn't ever touch Pepper again.

As he stood up to leave, making a stand to show his disgust at the situation, she pleaded with him to stay. He gave her the coldest look he could manage even though all he wanted to do was seek comfort in her arms. Walking away from the apartment and to his car was hard for him and he beat his fists on the steering wheel in frustration.

He despised himself but swallowed it down to make it safely home. As a trio, they had agreed to keep the baby's paternity a secret but had come up with a plan to tell Beca that Jesse was in touch with his father again and that surprisingly, he was married to someone they both knew. Jesse wasn't convinced he'd be able to pull off the lie. He knew that Beca might question him about how he'd spent a lot of time with Pepper over the last few months and that it had never come up in conversation.

Pepper had said that since Jesse had come up with a decent cover story for the last few months, a few more lies weren't going to hurt. He wanted everything to end. He wanted out of the relationship with Beca. He wanted out of the relationship with Pepper. But at the same time, he wanted them both. Pepper had texted him the whole way home and he was beyond irritated.

Jesse had arrived home in quite the temper and had slammed the front door with a huff. He had planned to take his guitar out to the guest house for a few hours and work through his anger until he figured out what to do. Instead, he was confronted with the delicious smell of dinner, a sparkling clean home, two happy puppies who just wanted to love on him and a beautiful, faithful and trusting wife who was keen to make him happy.

All that goodness, everything that was a man's dream in life, made him angry.

He'd emptied his pockets and tried to avoid talking to Beca. He was later than he had said he would be and was on edge because he feared that she would know what he was up to. Before long they'd gotten into an argument and his rage only started to subside when Beca had cracked him across the face. He'd been too blind to see that Beca had set up the house to tell him the news that he was going to be a father again.

As Jesse hovered outside the bedroom door, he knew he had a decision to make. If he entered the bedroom, he knew he had to end things with Pepper permanently. True, they were contracted to work on another album together but he'd get in contact with Cynthia Rose and tell her that they wouldn't be able to work in the studio together because of personal reasons. If their manager didn't like it, well, she'd have to get over it. Jesse thought he could probably manage one more album together and then pay off Pepper and his dad to leave them alone for ever. He'd find something to confess to Beca and beg for her help and forgiveness. He could straighten up his act for the last time and move away from Chloe.

Jesse also knew if he backed away from the door, he clearly didn't love Beca enough to stay with her. He'd hurtfully told her to call Luke but in truth, as much as he barely acknowledged it to himself, he wanted to be like Luke. Honest, trustworthy, proper, decent and the very best friend that Beca deserved. He was fed up with trying to be like him. His head was singing with the notion that Beca had chosen him over Luke and there had to be something in that. Did he want to spend the rest of his life with Beca? Was he prepared to man the fuck up and prove her family wrong?

Jesse didn't know what to do as he fingers hovered over the door knob. The choice was his to make.


	33. Chapter 32: Stitches and Setbacks

**A/N: Thanks for not hating me too much after the last chapter.**

 **Corinne, Thank you for always polishing Luke's Britishisms and for always being a constant support. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Chapter 32  
Stitches and Setbacks  
** **o~O~o**

Beca threw herself on the bed. She hated that Jesse had the ability to ruin something so special with his crappy attitude and ugliness. She hated that his words could be so cutting and cruel. But what she hated even more was that she allowed his words to affect her so negatively. At that very moment she could admit that she hated her husband. She absolutely, positively, unequivocally hated him with every fiber of her being and that feeling scared her because that was the first time she had ever admitted that she hated him.

He called her fat!

But it wasn't about that. She knew she wasn't fat, she was comfortable enough in her own skin to know and understand that. Sure the jeans she tried to wear that day were more snug than usual and they were extremely uncomfortable when she buttoned them but she most certainly was not fat. She'd showered, put on her best perfume, curled her hair and all for what? A barrage of abuse and cruel insults. She now understood why wives suddenly snapped and put rat poison in their husbands favorite meals.

"Sorry, little one." Beca said as she gently rubbed her barely there pooch. "I don't know how or when, but I promise that I'll make things right with your Daddy… even if it kills one of us."

She had the perfect evening planned and blurting out that she was pregnant then calling him an asshole was not on her agenda. She had just gone to Dr. Kaiser's office to have it confirmed that afternoon after quickly taking a test when she got home after realizing what the date was when talking to Cynthia Rose at the grocery store. She could admit to herself that she was scared. She needed the sensitive part of Jesse to hold her and reassure her that the same bad shit wasn't going to happen again and that he would be by her side the whole time.

Dr. Kaiser had done her best to ease Beca's fears and said that they would be monitoring her more closely during this pregnancy and she would have more frequent appointments and ultrasounds. It hadn't alleviated all of Beca's concerns but after Dr. Kaiser had suggested a full medical work up, Beca felt a lot calmer.

She had thought Jesse would be shocked, surprised even, given the amount of time they'd spent apart in recent months but she didn't expect the look of horror on his face when she snapped at him. What was it going to take to make him happy? Beca honestly thought that once they were married things would get better but, with Jesse traveling two to three weeks out of the month, how could they? She had been a fool. Everyone tried to warn her. Everyone tried to tell her but as always, she knew better than anyone else and now, she was pregnant with a baby that Jesse didn't want or care about.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Beca sobbed, pulling a pillow towards her and crying into the feathery softness. "Why can't I just make my husband happy?"

 **o~O~o**

Hours later, Jesse was nowhere to be found in the house, although Beca would admit that she didn't look in every single room. Finding no obvious trace of him anywhere, she cleared away the ruined dinner, put the dishes back in the cabinet and cleaned the kitchen. She played the dogs, who looked surprised to see her up this late in the evening. This was usually their time to settle in for the night. As she tickled their silky ears, Jagger whimpered, sensing his mistress was unhappy.

Beca, not knowing what to do with herself, gave each of the dogs a new bone, collected her phone and her car keys and headed out of the front door. As she backed out of the driveway and drove to the bottom of the hill, she intended to head to Luke's until she remembered he was away on business on the East Coast. Beca decided she would just drive for a while until she felt tired enough to go back home and rest but she soon found herself at Aubrey's house sitting in the driveway and working up the nerve to knock on the door.

She wasn't quite sure how she'd ended up at Aubrey's at two in the morning but when she saw the kitchen light come on, followed by the light in the family room, he knew Aubrey or Ben would be up with one or both of the babies. She hated the thought of disturbing the new parents but fished around in her purse for the pregnancy test she'd hidden in there that afternoon to keep Jesse from finding out her secret before she was ready to tell him.

Beca was still deciding about whether to go in or not, when the blinds twitched in the family room. Slipping out of the car, she walked slowly to the door, each step causing her to sob, angry that she was at her cousin's house in the middle of the night.

When she finally knocked, Aubrey immediately knew something was wrong as she pulled on the door and held it open just enough for her cousin to slip through. It wasn't like Beca to just show up without calling and Aubrey could see she was shaking as she guided her into the family room and passed Penny to her. Aubrey was still feeding Pru and knew Beca needed something to hang onto so that she looked less sick and worried. Her tearstained face was another dead give away that something was not right but Aubrey knew to tread carefully with her questions so that Beca would open up.

Beca tried to bullshit Aubrey by saying that she had come to visit as she needed to sniff the babies and wanted some snuggle time with them. She even tried to convince Aubrey that she and Ben should go out to dinner and a movie while she stayed with the girls until Aubrey pointed out that it was the middle of the night. Aubrey made it clear that she wasn't buying what Beca was selling and fixed her best resting bitch face on her cousin until Beca began to feel uncomfortable. She knew her Beca like the back of her own hand and she also knew when something was wrong. She wasn't going to take any of Beca's bullshit excuses. This was one of those times that Aubrey knew Beca needed her to be stern and straightforward. There was definitely something rotten in Denmark and Aubrey was pretty damn sure that it started and ended with Jesse Swanson.

After giving Beca the equivalent of the Spanish inquisition for the better part of an hour and three cups of hot tea later, Aubrey was finally able to get Beca to stop shaking and start talking. Once Beca started talking she didn't stop until she spilled everything that had happened with Jesse that evening, her concerns about him since they got married and for the future… right down to the fact that she was pregnant.

"Beca, why do you keep doing this to yourself?" Aubrey asked, her voice full of concern as she laid Pru down in a pink, frilly, lacy Moses basket.

Beca had the decency to look somewhat ashamed. "Because, I love him Aub… I can't imagine life without him."

"I understand that but Bec… now there's a baby involved."

"And I want this baby more than anything-"

"-Yeah, _you_ do… but what about Jesse? What does _he_ want?"

Beca's eyes filled with tears. "... I don't know."

"This is going to sound extremely insensitive, but I'm going to ask anyway." Aubrey said. "Have you ever stopped to think that Jesse wasn't meant to be a father and that Bodhi died because Jesse is unfit?"

Beca gasped at Aubrey's harsh words. "Aubrey!"

"Jesse had a rough upbringing… right?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Beca… please don't hate me for what I'm about to say. Bodhi's gone… maybe he's gone because God thought Jesse wasn't fit and-"

"-Whoa… wait just one damn minute." Beca said, her hackles standing on end. "You think God punished me _and_ my son because of Jesse? Where do you get off?"

"Beca…"

"Don't you dare ' _Beca'_ me!"

"I'd rather drag my naked body through a mile of broken glass and end up in a pool of lemon juice then waste five more minutes of my precious time listening to you cry over Jesse." Aubrey said as she took Penny from Beca and placed her in the basket next to her sister. Pru instinctively reached out for Penny as Aubrey collected their tea cups and headed out towards the kitchen.

Sniffling, Beca looked up at Aubrey's retreating back. "That's a bit drastic… dontcha think?" She said following Aubrey to the kitchen.

"No, I don't. He continues to hurt you and I for one am sick and tired of it." Aubrey said, pulling open the dishwasher door and loading the dirty things into it. "Beca, I love you but I can't bear to see you in anymore pain. Your life has turned into a bad episode of the Dr. Phil show."

"Aubrey… you don't know everything he's been through."

"You're right and unless you tell me, there's no possible way for me to know everything." She said, closing the dishwasher and indicating for Beca to go back into the family room.

"Then please, don't judge him."

Aubrey turned around and faced Beca, who took a seat on the edge of the sofa, reaching over to pick up one of the twins who had started to whimper. "Listen Bec, I have to be honest, I don't care if he was abducted by leprechauns and whacked over the head with their shillelagh sticks, _nothing_ gives him the right to treat you the way he has and continues to do. You are not his commodity or a play thing and..." Aubrey said very matter of fact. "... and _you_ … you're a _damn_ fool for taking it."

"You don't have any right to speak to me that way!" Beca said, standing up and walking threateningly toward Aubrey. "Keep it up and I'll knock you into the middle of next week."

"Then I will kick your sorry ass on Thursday!" Aubrey told her as she stood up and towered over Beca. She and Aubrey had had arguments before but they never took this type of turn. They had never threatened each other with violence, even if they had no intention of going through with their threats. "Now pull your head out of your teeny, tiny little ass and listen for once."

Beca knew Aubrey was right. She was being naive about everything but she wanted to believe in her husband and their marriage. Aubrey was right… they needed to talk about this. She needed a swift kick in the ass. She nodded her answer to Aubrey.

"Beca… is he drinking again?"

"No, I don't think so." Beca responded as she sat on the couch. She had to admit that Aubrey's question stirred something inside of her that made her wonder.

"You got rid of all of the booze in the house… right?"

Beca looked puzzled. "Yes, I did that a long time ago. Why?"

"Do you monitor his spending? Check his pockets for receipts? Look in the trunk of his car for tell tale signs that he's stashing booze in there?"

"No. I've never gone through his personal stuff. I would know... if... I would know if... something was wrong." Beca said, but the feeble tinge to her tone set alarms bells ringing.

"As much as I hate to say this, you need to start monitoring things like cough syrup, hand sanitizer, mouthwash, perfume and nail polish remover."

"Umm… why would I do that?"

"News Flash Beca… he's an alcoholic and he always will be. Rehab can't and won't change that. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic."

"Yeah, I know but what are you getting at?"

"I've read up on alcoholism. There are a lot of household items that have alcohol in them and an alcoholic will stop at nothing for a buzz."

Beca's jaw dropped. She hadn't thought about everyday household things being a temptation for Jesse. She thought that by removing the booze that she was removing the temptation when in all actuality she was just causing him to turn to something else.

"Remember me telling you about Ben's uncle who would fill up any available container with alcohol and even soaked cotton balls in liquor and stored them in the freezer. Anything from prescription tubes, soap bottles, discarded-"

"-I have to go." Beca said abruptly.

"Beca… wait!" Aubrey called after her but it was too late. Beca was already out of the door.

 **o~O~o**

Beca cried the entire drive home. Could Aubrey be right? Was Jesse being resourceful and drinking household items to get a fix? If he was, then he was a lot sicker than she or anyone else thought. Should she reach out to Donald, Jesse's sponsor, and find out if he had been attending meetings? Beca knew that alcoholism was a very slippery slope and she prayed that Jesse hadn't gone back to old habits. If he had, she knew there was no chance for them to ever make it, not as long as Jesse chose booze over her and their family.

When Beca got home, haphazardly abandoning her car in the driveway, she searched the house for Jesse but didn't find him. She grabbed a trash can and started going through every cabinet in the house to find anything that had alcohol in it. She noticed that the brand new bottle of mouthwash she bought the week before was almost empty as was the bottle of cough syrup the doctor gave Jesse when he was in the hospital. Looking at the pharmacy label closer, she noticed that all the refills were gone as well. Aubrey was right… Jesse was drinking again, even if it wasn't in the traditional sense.

In a very drastic move, Beca stopped reading the labels and threw everything out. All of it. She silently decided that she would give Silvana a monthly stipend to buy cleaning supplies to bring back and forth with her. Beca didn't want any of it in the house… not a drop.

Suddenly, Beca had another thought, if everything was gone, then Jesse would know that something was up. He would know that she was on to him. She knew the best way to get him better was for him to admit that he had a problem, not for him to be confronted by it all. Reluctantly, Beca put everything back, exactly how she found it and vowed to monitor everything in the house as best she could. She collected her phone and took photos of everything, hoping that would give her a good indication of what was being used on a daily basis and whether or not it was being used for the right reasons. She hated that she had to be like that but if it meant staying awake until all hours to do it, then that's what she'd do. She wasn't quite ready to accept that he was beyond help just yet. When she took her wedding vows, she meant every word she said and made a commitment to see Jesse through this latest setback.

She didn't sleep that night, just laid on her bed with her phone for company. She kept her bedroom door open so she could hear if Jesse was moving around in the house. As the dogs began to fuss downstairs, she slowly slid off her bed and went downstairs to let them out into the yard. She then called Sawyer, despite it being early, and told him that she needed to take some personal time. Sawyer could tell by the tone in her voice that something was up and told her to work at home for a week until she'd got things sorted.

For the next three days, Beca sat waiting for Jesse.

She waited...

… and waited.

… and waited.

There were no phone calls or texts. She checked her emails constantly and fended off Aubrey's attempts to reach out to her. She called her parents and told them she was ok but needed some space and Anne and Will had passed knowing glances over the phone at each other.

She sat in the house in radio silence wondering where he was and what he was doing. She wasn't hungry but knew she had to keep eating for the sake of the baby she was carrying. Picking at food, she jumped up every time she heard a noise in the house but it was usually one of the puppies messing around. She reorganized the hallway closet, polished all of the mirrors in the house and got the stain out of the hallway rug that had been there for a couple of months. She thought about Jesse constantly and wondered where his head was and where she'd gone so wrong that her marriage had fallen apart before it even started. Beca was beating herself over potentially missing the signs. She really wasn't all that surprised. He didn't talk to her about anything lately. He had told her once before that he wasn't good at talking or communicating. His walls were so high and impenetrable that Beca didn't know what to do to get through to him. She found herself wondering what she had gotten herself into and on the afternoon of the third day, began to question whether it was all worth it.

Frustrated with the entire situation and needing something else to do, Beca took the puppies out in the backyard and sat on the morning porch with a glass of milk and a handful of cookies. She sat with the sun on her face and as she watched the puppies wrestle around in the grass, she noticed something in the bottom of the pool and went down the steps of the porch to have a better look.

Upon further inspection, she realized it was Jesse's cellphone and couldn't understand how it had ended up in the deep end of the pool. Immediately, her thoughts turned to fear as she realized something really bad might have happened to Jesse. Looking around for any more clues, she couldn't see anything amiss. When she turned around to get the pool net from the side of the guest house, she noticed that the front door of the guest house was ever so slightly ajar. She immediately became concerned that someone had broken in and was squatting in her guest house. Pulling her cell phone from her pocket and calling the puppies to follow her, she cautiously walked toward the guest house, trying not to trip over Roxie as she ran straight in front of her with her tail wagging. The closer she got, the more she wondered if she should have called the police, her dad or Luke, who had recently returned from his business trip.

The guest house was dark and as Beca slowly pushed the door open further, she called out. "Hello?" When no one answered, she slowly walked in and turned on the light. Beca looked around the room and was pleased to see that nothing looked broken, or out of place... until she looked down towards the floor. There were empty whiskey bottles on the counter, coffee table and the floor, alongside a couple of smashed glasses and one of the kitchen knives. She gasped at the sight in front of her and that's when she saw him lying on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table.

"Oh my God… Jesse!" She screamed as she ran over to him. She pushed the coffee table out of the way and dropped to her knees as the puppies began to bark at her outburst.

Jesse was sprawled out on the floor, with a deep gash on his forehead and cuts on his left hand. He was lying in a pool of blood and vomit with his right cheek pressed against the cold tiles. Beca reached over, pressed her fingers to his neck, tried to ignore the fact that Jesse's skin was cold to the touch, and felt for a pulse. While very weak, he did have a pulse so that meant that he was still alive… but judging by the fact that the blood and vomit were dry, he'd been there awhile.

She kept her hand on him the whole time so that he would know she was there and quickly called 9-1-1, breaking down on the phone as she requested an ambulance. They assured her they were on the way and she called the gatehouse to let them know that she called for the paramedics. They asked if she needed immediate assistance and after she whimpered out a yes, said they would be sending one of the security guards to come and unlock her front gate. Beca then called her parents who immediately collected their keys and were on the way before Beca hung up on her Mom to call Luke. He told her to try and get Jesse on his side and that he'd be there as quickly as he could. She remembered that the 9-1-1 dispatcher had said not to move him as something might have been broken when he fell. Kneeling beside him, she tried calling Casey as well but apparently he changed his cell number and Jesse hadn't given it to her.

"Jess… hang on baby, help is on the way." She told him, trying to rouse him by rubbing his face. "Wake up Jess… I'm here."

The puppies were taking turns climbing all over Jesse and licking the side of his face they could reach. They wanted to play and thought that he was ignoring them. At one point, Jagger began pulling on Jesse's shoe laces and growling while Roxie barked and bounced around. Beca tried to shoo them away but that made them play all the more.

As Beca silently prayed that she had found Jesse in time, she could hear the wail of the sirens as they got closer to the house. She got up suddenly, realizing that she was going to have to let the paramedics in as security didn't hold a front door key. Giving Jesse one last glance, she herded the puppies towards the house.

The next ten minutes passed in a blur as Beca took the paramedics out to the guest house to show them where Jesse had fallen. Luke arrived, unshaven and dishevelled, having just woken up when Beca called him. He took charge of the bounding dogs and locked them in the family room with some food and water to keep them out of the way. He then joined Beca as she waited just outside the guest house door.

"What happened?" He asked, immediately putting his arm around his best friend.

"I don't know." Beca said, melting into Luke's side as he held her close. He peered through the door and watched as the paramedics fixed a collar around Jesse's neck. "I haven't seen him in three days and found him just like that."

"It smells like a brewery in there." Luke commented, trying to carefully choose his words.

"It's ok, you can say it. He's clearly fallen off the wagon again." Beca admitted. "It's all my fault."

"Hey, don't say that." Luke said, hugging her a little tighter. "This is all Jesse's decision and if need be, we'll get him some help again."

"We?" Beca asked.

"Well, the two of you clearly can't be trusted on your own, can you?" Luke said and Beca looked up at him, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "Did you two have a barney?"

"Not really. We had words but not enough to send him out here by himself."

"What did you fight about?" Luke asked and for only the third time in their friendship did Beca consider not telling him the truth.

"I told him he was going to be a father again."

Luke didn't say anything, just wrapped both arms around Beca and held her tight. Beca nuzzled into his chest and felt comfort the first time in days. They both watched as the medics moved Jesse onto a spinal board and then onto a gurney to take him out to the waiting ambulance.

Following closely behind, Luke told Beca to get in the back of the ambulance with Jesse and that he would speak to her parents and tell them to go directly to the hospital and meet them there. Luke said he'd lock the house up, sort out the puppies and call Amy to come over to dog sit in case they'd be a while. Beca appreciated his direction and climbed in the back of the ambulance with Jesse.

The drive to the hospital was mercifully short and within a few minutes Jesse was being unloaded and taken straight through into the ER. Beca was sent to the front desk to give them Jesse's information before she took a seat outside of the cubicle he was in. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and sent Luke a text to let him know where she was.

She'd never been so happy to see her Mom and Dad than when they swept into the waiting room, full of support and determination and held her as she broke down for the first time. Aside from the early questions about how Jesse was doing, they sat in silence as the minutes ticked by.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Luke asked after an hour had passed. Beca shook her head despite the deep growling in her stomach which could probably be heard all around the hospital. "Well, at least come with me while I go and get something for all of us."

"What if Jesse needs me while-"

"-We'll call you if you need to come back." Will said and Anne nodded in confirmation beside him.

Reluctantly, Beca got up and took Luke's hand as they left the waiting room. She was cold, having left the house without a jacket. Luke noticed her shivering and took off his sweater, slipping it over her head despite her protests.

"Stop being a hero." She muttered, her head still inside the sweater as she sought solace as the smell of her best friend's clothes gave her familiar comfort.

"Stop being a brat then."

"Knob jockey."

"Such language from a pregnant lady." Luke said, tugging down the fabric over Beca's face after she failed to do it herself. "Seriously, you can't even dress yourself."

"Thank you for being here." Beca said, taking his hand again as they walked towards the cafeteria.

"It's cool."

"I know you hate Jesse and-"

"- I don't hate him." Luke interrupted. "I think he's a pillock but I don't hate him. He's the father of your child and... congratulations by the way."

"What if he doesn't get to see his baby?"

"Becs, Jesse is a fighter. He's hardcore and he's tough. Don't write him off before he's been given a chance."

"You almost sound like you are defending him."

"Yeah, well, don't get used to it. I'll be kicking his scrawny arse when he gets home."

"Thank you." Beca said as they walked up to the counter. "Thank you for coming to my rescue again, thank you for not judging me or him and if you are being judgemental, thank you for keeping it to yourself. You are always by my side when I need you."

"I didn't have an elsewhere to be."

"I'm glad."

"What are you going to have?" Luke asked, sweeping his hand in front of the glass chiller cabinets in an effort to change the subject.

"I'm really not hungry. I-"

"-Ham or turkey?" Luke said, ignoring her protest as he looked at the meagre offerings.

"Ham." Beca sighed, knowing full well it was pointless to argue with a Brit.

"I'll get a few in case your folks want anything." Luke offered, looking down at Beca who nodded, her eye catching something that did appeal.

"Maybe a donut?" She said quietly, looking over at the creme filled pastries.

Luke grinned as he collected a few things. Beca patted her pockets and was about to say to Luke that she had no money on her when he looked down at her and grinned. "I have got this, all right? What would you do without me huh?"

Beca couldn't answer that.

 **o~O~o**

Six hours later, a doctor finally came into the waiting room to speak with Beca. She had long since sent her parents and Luke home, promising to call them as soon as she knew something and assured them she was fine on her own. Luke said he'd go to the house and wait with the puppies as he hadn't heard back from Amy. Her parents offered to wait with her but Beca said she'd call them as soon as she heard anything. There was really no sense in all of them sitting around waiting in an uncomfortable waiting room for Jesse's test results. It was only after she'd kissed her parents goodbye that she realized she'd not told them about the baby but somehow, it hadn't seemed like the right time. She laid down, pulling Luke's sweater around her and rested her head on a stack of magazines. It wasn't the most comfortable position but she'd barely slept for three days and was exhausted.

Dr. Nelson found where Beca was curled up sleeping and took the seat next to her. "Mrs. Swanson…" He said gently. "Mrs. Swanson…" He repeated as he tapped her on the shoulder.

"Dr. Nelson… I'm sorry." Beca said, as she quickly sat up and clutched her chest as the shocking start from her vivid dream caused her heart to beat fast. She'd been dreaming that she and Jesse were driving in a sports car along the highway and Jesse was driving way too fast. She was yelling at him to slow down and he wasn't listening to anything she was saying. The doctor had awakened her just as they ran a stop sign into a crowded intersection. "How's Jesse?"

"Jesse's is…" He took a deep breath and looked down at the small stack of notes in his hand. "... very sick. There is no easy way for me to say this. When he arrived, he was running a dangerously high fever, he was and still is severely dehydrated and suffering from alcohol poisoning. His blood alcohol level is currently 0.45 which is 0.37 over the legal limit. He has severe central nervous system depression and is currently in a coma. There is a very strong possibility of death due to respiratory arrest."

Beca suddenly wished that she hadn't sent everyone home and pulled Luke's sweater down over her hands. She was feeling overwhelmed and very alone as the doctor's words began to sink in. Dr. Nelson continued to talk, using words Beca couldn't understand. It was all too much for her and soon there was a strong wave of nausea that sent her in search of the nearest trash can. She wretched until there was nothing left in her system and just when she thought she was going to be ok, the dry heaves started. Her first thoughts weren't of her husband and his current condition but of her unborn baby. She couldn't lose another baby, she just couldn't.

"Mrs. Swanson… are you ok?" Dr. Nelson asked, his voice full of concern, as he came to find her clutching a wad of tissues in his hand.

Beca reached for a paper towel and wiped her mouth before walking toward the kitchenette for a glass of water. "I'm fine." She said a little too abruptly.

Dr. Nelson wasn't convinced. "Before we continue, I'll have one of the nurses come in and check you over just to be sure." He turned to head over to the nurses bank.

"I'm twelve weeks pregnant." Beca finally confessed as Dr. Nelson was about to walk out. "I'm twelve weeks pregnant, I lost our first baby in February and now I'm going to lose my husband. I can't lose this baby too." She said before slowing lowering herself into the closest chair and weeping.

"Mrs. Swanson, please make no mistake, we're doing everything we can to save your husband's life but a lot of the work is up to him. As hard as this will be to do under the circumstances, you need to rest and relax as the stress will do you and the little one no good whatsoever. Jesse has a long road ahead of him. He'll detox over the next week to ten days, which will be very hard to witness. Symptoms may be as mild as a headache or nausea but could be as severe at delirium tremens or DT's marked by seizures and/or hallucinations. Regardless of the severity of the symptoms, the detox process requires roughly the same amount of time. Has Jesse ever been to a rehab facility?"

Beca heard everything that Dr. Nelson had said but she was still trying to process all of it. She shook her head, to clear her thoughts. "Yes… yes, he's been to rehab. Last year around this time actually."

"Can you have those records sent over to me?"

"Yes, of course." Beca said. "Dr. Nelson… where do we go from here?"

Taking a deep breath Dr. Nelson looked at Beca and could not only see her pain but he felt it as well. "Well… I'll wait to make a definitive decision until after I see Jesse's rehab records, but I think that after he has fully detoxed, I'm going to recommend a forty five day outpatient program. In the meantime, we'll begin a regime of vitamin B1 supplements, along with folic acid and iron supplements to boost Jesse's overall health. Once he's conscious, he will also be given herbal teas and broths to gently maintain his hydration. If necessary, I may prescribe medications which can help to reduce his cravings and diminish the perceived pleasure of alcohol consumption."

"No!" Beca said very adamantly. "No, medications."

"Is there something else I should know about?"

Beca was embarrassed about what she was about to tell the doctor. "I just recently discovered that Jesse has been consuming household products and abusing medication that contain alcohol."

"What types of products and medications?"

"Nyquil, mouthwash, a bottle of my perfume is missing and some cough syrup… I can't remember the name of it. Anyway it was prescribed a few weeks ago when he was here for bronchitis."

Dr. Nelson wrote everything in Jesse's chart. "Ok… no, medications. Anything else?"

"The gash on his head?" Beca asked. "And what about his hand?"

"We had to debride all the wounds to make sure that there was no glass or dirt. We've stitched up his forehead. It was done in such a way that there will be minimal scarring. His hand has also been stitched up."

It was Beca's turn to take a deep breath. She wasn't entirely sure that she had fully absorbed all of the information Dr. Nelson had given her. "Ok… when can I see him?"

"I'll walk you back now."

Beca collected her phone before following Dr. Nelson out of the waiting room. As they began the long walk to the ICU where Jesse had been taken to after his initial assessment, Dr. Nelson continued to talk to Beca about Jesse. He questioned her as whether Jesse was displaying any other symptoms such as personality changes, loss of appetite, bruises, fatigue or itchy skin. Beca admitted that she had noticed all of those things but thought it was all due to the bronchitis, stress from getting the album finished and the general worries of life getting in the way. When Dr. Nelson explained that these were all very serious and that the nursing staff would continue to keep a very close eye on Jesse during his stay.

Beca noticed that the walls in all the ICU rooms were all glass so that the nurses could see the patients from the nurses station. There were curtains that could be pulled across when family was visiting or while the medical staff was in the room with the patients. She understood the need for the lack of privacy but wondered how Jesse would react once he'd woken up.

When they arrived at Jesse's room, Beca gasped. The room was very dimly lit and Jesse looked awful. He was lying so still. She hadn't expected to see all of the machines or hear all the beeping in what would otherwise be considered a quiet room.

Dr. Nelson patted her on the shoulder and said "Go on. If you need anything, hit the call button."

"Thank you." Beca whispered. She slowly walked in and dropped her phone on the chair next to the bed. Beca had to keep herself from slapping Jesse again instead she asked, "Why can't I be enough for you? Why?"

Beca sat quietly for hours, occasionally dozing on and off throughout the night, waking to get updates from the nurses as they came into the room to check Jesse's vitals. The night was long and exhausting. Beca couldn't get comfortable and all she really wanted to do was kick the living shit out of Jesse.

" _What had he been thinking?"_

" _Why had he turned back to drinking?"_

" _Why didn't he talk to her about it?"_

" _Why didn't he call Donald when he first felt the urge to drink?"_

She woke shortly after six thirty feeling stiff from sleeping in the chair all night. She was desperate for a good night's sleep and something hot to eat. After one of the nurses walked in to check on Jesse, bringing a cup of tea for Beca to enjoy while she watched the sunrise over Los Angeles, she was ready to leave. She was tired and stiff and beyond fed up. The longer she sat in the room with Jesse, the angrier she became. She needed to leave before the stress got too much. She picked up her phone and tapped out a message to the one person she knew would forgive her for the early morning wake up text.

" _Please tell me you're awake."_

" _Morning sunshine. You ready to go home?"  
_ " _YES! Please come get me… NOW!"  
_ " _Be there in ten minutes."  
_ "Just so you know... I'm done with Jesse."

* * *

 **A/N: Is Beca really done? Stay tuned to find out.**


	34. Chapter 33: Insight and Intervention

**A/N:** I don't usually do this but thought it was time to give a **HUGE** shout out to everyone that has been taking the time to read  & review KMS. If I missed anyone, I do sincerely apologize & promise to catch you on the next shout out. It is because of each & every one of you that I continue to write this epic fic.

Over a year ago, when the idea for this fic came to me, it was only supposed to be about 10 chapters... I look back now, laugh & think, _**"what a joke?"**_ This story has clearly taken on a life of its own. KMS has challenged me in ways I never thought possible  & just like that, it has slowly but surely grown wings & started to fly.

 **Waatp:** Without you, your constant help, support and kicks to my oversized badonkadonk this story wouldn't be what it is today _ **and**_ Luke certainly wouldn't be the polished, posh and perfectly Britishy dude that everyone is learning to fall in love with, of course, the rock hard bod and dreamy eyes help... a lot! Guess what mate? Your reviews are stellar and are a fic by themselves! **SQUIRRELS!** xx

 **HariboJunkie:** Gummy Bears and Piggly Wiggly. :)

 **MasterZoRoRi Forever:** Sorry I pissed you off. It gets better... I promise! ;)

 **cruisingturtle:** A happy ending is in the works **but** will it be Team Jeca or Team Luca? Hmm...

 **50 Shades of Pitch Perfect:** Your reviews and support are top notch!

 **SundanceQT:** I got a mic drop! A real mic drop! That's so fucking awesome!

 **Jessica (.yip.792aka annak47fans:** You always read and review... Thanks chicky! I appreciate the support!

 **LiquidE3:** You introduced me to the saying _"Sweet Mother Nature"_ and I love it though I can't promise a fix. I did however, promise a bumpy roller coaster ride. All Aboard!

 **LeYoYo:** You my dear reader, are fucking nuts & your reviews make my head spin like a top but I'm so thankful for your support!

 **Alexa64:** Thanks for your reviews and support. I hope you like how the story is going and where it will eventually end.

 **ak47fangirl:** Thanks for the support. I hope you won't be disappointed with the outcome.

 **I cabral:** I think I've managed to piss you off the most... and you've told me just how much. I promise... this story does get better but we have to get through all the shit to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Stick with me chick...

 **Now... as they say in show business, ON WITH THE SHOW...**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Insight and Intervention**  
 **o~O~o**

 _ **Luke's POV**_

There are not many things in life that I take for granted.

I know I am generally very lucky. I work hard and get paid well for it. I put in the hours and get recognition and rewards as a result. Work takes me away from home more than I'd like but I get to stay in really nice hotels, eat at fancy restaurants and get to see parts of the country, and the world, that I normally wouldn't get to see.

I have a wonderful family that loves me. My parents, Claire and Spencer, raised me right and we have a mutual respect for each other. I do not give them a hassle, I keep my arse out of trouble and call them regularly. My brother Jake and I get along very well, some might say that we're thick as thieves. Jake has spent many weekends on my couch watching soccer games and American football. We moved to California at an age where he barely remembers his English roots now but soccer, as something we both love, is the one thing we can always agree on.

I am in great health, which is something I am beyond grateful for. I work out daily and find that my time spent at the gym pays off. I have been told I am good looking, handsome even, and not just by my grandmother. I mean, really? All right, I take care of myself and like to wear nice clothes but I am no different to anyone else.

I do not have a wide circle of friends. My people, the ones I liken to my extended family, can be counted on my two hands and that is the way I want it to remain. I would rather be around the people I can be myself with, than the whole horde of folks on Facebook whose dogs and kids names I cannot remember nor do I care about.

All of these things could disappear from my grasp tomorrow. Life can change in the blink of an eye and sometimes there is nothing anyone can do about it. I accept it as a way of life. And while I would miss my good fortune, my loving family and my rather burly arms, there is one aspect of my life that I would never get over losing.

Beca.

It is hard to describe a best friend in words. Especially for a guy. We are supposed to be the tough ones, the decision makers, the rocks and the ones who will help a friend move and expect nothing in return. I guess we do not really show our emotions in the same way as girls. A dude losing his cool over shaving foam or a new pair of Chucks just is not cricket, is it?

My brother is the closest thing I have to a guy best friend. We can count on each other for everything. Maybe it is just because he is family, there are things I cannot talk to him about. Generally I have not had a problem getting a date, some say my English accent helps but a few hints and tips thrown my way from a friend or a coworker have always been happily accepted. I can cook, to a certain extent, but I am not really a chef and being able to pick up the phone and call for takeout is something so unbelievably handy.

Every time I need a new suit or a smart shirt for when my grandparents visit or even just shopping for gifts, I always have a willing volunteer who will come along as long as I pay for lunch or a trip to the movies. And that is the other thing... having a friend who, for the most part, is willing to attend a movie with me, even if it is some random chick flick style thing; the kind of movie I secretly quite enjoy, is actually quite nice. Especially when she pays for the popcorn. We can take a walk in silence, we can dance like crazy dorks to music we would not dare admit to liking and pretend to be anyone we want to be without fear of judgement.

And that is it really. That sums up me and my best friend. Beca is the better half of me. She is there for me when I need someone and even when I do not. She simply seems to know when I need a text with a stupid meme or when I need to be told to pull my head out of my arse.

I miss her when she is busy with _him_. I have spent so much time working out my frustration and loneliness at the gym, that other members think I'm part of the staff and have asked me to be their trainer. I miss her randomly showing up at my door with dinner and a bottle of wine or to model new clothes she bought for herself. I even miss her showing me her latest pole dancing routine, although I do admit that it did make me uncomfortable for the first time in forever.

I love my best friend with everything I have. I have thanked my lucky stars everyday since the day I met her and realize that my life would be very different without her. I even have her called her everything from my sister from another mister to my emergency contact and confidante.

My one downfall is that I think I sometimes take her for granted.

It is something I think about late at night. Most people who cannot sleep might read, watch a movie, have a wank but me... I think about my Gran and the wisdom she has spent years trying to impart on Jake and I. I mean, my dear old grandmother can fill anyone's head with her wise notions and interesting spins on classic proverbs and there have been many nights recently where I have laid awake in my apartment thinking and rethinking her advice.

If I'm going to lay awake, then I _should_ be going over my next day's appointments for work, wondering what to suggest for an album cover or if a collaboration between Metallica and Justin Bieber _will_ really work. That kid really is weird!

I _should_ be thinking about my mother's invitation for Sunday lunch and which 'nice girl' I should take with me as my plus one. I _should_ be messaging my brother with congratulations and words of encouragement as he is about to propose to his girlfriend. I am beyond proud of Jake, simply because he never really seemed to fit in anywhere until he met Shelby. Heck, I even _should_ be planning my Christmas shopping as shipping gifts to my grandparents in England is not something I can organize at the last minute. I know there was talk about us meeting up somewhere else this year but I have not called my mother in a few days to find out what the plan is. I guess that is something else I _should_ be doing.

I should be thinking about all those things but instead, I am laying wide awake at three in morning agonizing over my best friend. I mean, seriously? What the absolute bloody hell is going on in her head right now? She is acting like a complete prat and I actually do not know how to reach out to her this time. It is late and I am tired. It has been quite the week at work and that is all up in my face right now but I do not need images of Beca upset, crying, worrying, making herself ill over the dumbest fucking wanker in the history of dumbest fucking wankers.

She has stopped taking my calls.

And to my knowledge, she is not communicating with anyone but the doctors at the hospital. She has barred anyone from coming to visit Jesse, not that anyone wants to but we would all do it for her sake.

I hear my Gran in my ear saying, in her perfectly quaint grandmotherly tone, ' _Lucas, my dear boy, don't judge a book by it's cover'_. She is right of course, nobody should judge anyone else until a mile has been walked in their shoes but I make an exception in the case of Jesse Christopher Swanson… not to mention, he wears ugly shoes.

I want to shave his skin, pour salt on him and then watch him squirm. I know that makes me sound angry and aggressive and I am but this is my rant and I can pretty much say what I like. Beca is my life and she is hurting right now… so I'm hurting too.

Again, I hear Gran saying to me, ' _keep your friends close and your enemies closer'_ and that is what I have been trying to do since the day Beca introduced me to that waste of space. There was something about the limp handshake and the fact that he could not look me in the eye. Not once. I admit that I never liked him but I tried so hard to keep my thoughts to myself. I was never going to like anyone Beca brought home and I should be grateful that I was not kicked to the curb straight away. Not that I would have let her do that to me. I love her too much to let her go, especially over a plonker like _him_.

Urgh, I need to get up and do something. Laying here getting angry is not helping me clear my mind. I do not want my late night thoughts to be filled with Jesse and Beca Swanson. Her new name does not roll off my tongue very easily. She will always be Beca Mitchell to me and I am happy that she kept her name at Warner as I am not sure I would get used to hearing ' _Beca Swanson'_ when I called her on the phone. Mind you, we do not get to talk as much as we did, let alone see each other as much. I know I could just turn up at her house any time I like but Jackass Jesse Jizzface would be there and I want to hurt him, all the bloody time.

Ok, I am getting up.

I am going to get some Tylenol and find something to read to take my mind off of everything because I have a meeting in six hours and I need to focus. Or maybe I can watch something horrid on the television... perhaps an alien abduction and pretend it is Jesse getting experimented on... maybe even him being dissected into forty two pieces and never put back together again.

I think I am a little obsessed with the man who stole my best friends heart. But then I guess it stops me from thinking about her so much.

I wanted to mention the other day that she looked particularly pretty. She was wearing a really lovely (she would use the word cute but I am trying to protect my manliness here) dress with a sweetheart neckline. See, I do pay attention when she waffles on about stuff that I cannot begin to contemplate or understand. Who knew there were over twenty different neckline styles? Not this guy, that is for sure. So I pay attention and it earns me best friend points. But anyway, back to Beca's outfit. The pale turquoise tone really flattered her complexion and the Louboutin heels she wore complimented not only her dress and jacket but the scallop detail on the heel matched her Kate Spade handbag... sorry purse. I will never get used to these American locutions.

She had also done something different with her hair and I noticed, as I bent down to give her a kiss on her cheek, that she had used a new shampoo. She always smelled of coconut before, not overpowering, just subtle, a little bit like her. Now there was an almost floral scent surrounding her. I am not saying it is a bad thing, it is just different.

I could not bring myself to ask her about it as I am well aware of how stalkerish my actions probably sound but I just so happen to notice all the small things about Beca. I can tell if she is having a good day or a bad one by the way she says hello in her first text of the day.

Maybe my mother is right, maybe I do need to get out more or find myself a girlfriend. Maybe I should go online and see about joining one of those dating sites. Yes, I will do that.

I will have my Tylenol, maybe a glass of whiskey and some chocolate and find myself a girlfriend. Anything to get the sight of Beca's sad face out of my mind. She has decided to distance herself at the time when I think she needs us the most. My gut says she has shut down, this is one drama too many.

There is now a new baby to think about as well. Ever since I heard the news, I have been praying to God that Beca gets to bring this child home. Losing Bodhi... actually, I cannot even think about it, it hurts my head and my heart far too much. I will admit though, that a small part of me wishes that the baby growing in her belly is mine. It is not as weird as it sounds, I swear but it would help me feel less jealous about it.

I am not making much sense, I know. It is late and I am tired and now I am thinking that Beca's child is a bad thing because of his or her father. It is not the child's fault that it has been sired by a pillock.

I can honestly say that, after the last fiasco, I did not think Jesse 'C Word' Swanson could stoop any lower. I mean, come the fuck on! He has been away from home more than he has been there and I get that he is working hard to get his new album out but I have never known a first release to take so long. At first I did not really think too much about it until his brother Casey was decent enough to come to me about it. I did some digging and found out that The Riff's album had wrapped weeks before. Armed with that information, I was going to confront Jesse about it when I got home from my latest business trip then I got from a call Beca saying that he has collapsed. Turns out the arsehole finds out his wife is pregnant and takes up drinking again, instead of rejoicing that they have been given a second chance at parenthood.

All I hear are empty promises and pathetic excuses when he talks. He is a grown man acting like a teenager with a first girlfriend. And Beca is almost as bad as him for putting up with it. She does not deserve that. She needs someone strong, hard working, capable and trustworthy. Someone who knows her favorite ice cream, just how much cream she takes in her coffee, what she loves doing on a Sunday morning and the special part of her back that, when rubbed, instantly relaxes her. Someone should be worshipping that girl and making her a number one priority in everything they do, think and say.

She deserves the best and she is not bloody getting it.

I wish I could make her see that life, even married life, is supposed to be fun, exciting, challenging and mundane all at the same time. Yes, of course, there are highs and lows and forks in the road but all I have seen her do since she has been with Jesse is stress out.

He acted up within the first couple of months, heck let us bring it back to the day they met. He wormed his way into her life and her bed and I will bet my last British Pound on the notion that he was eyeing up her house from day one. I truly believe he saw her as a meal ticket, an easy life and an opportunity. I do, in his defence, believe he loves her deep down but he has taken the piss out of her and that is just not right.

She called me when she returned from Oahu and saw her house had been trashed. I was there to pick up the pieces and it was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. Usually, after a break up, one of us would turn up with a cheesecake, some crappy movie neither of us really wanted to watch and we would sing, dance and cry out our indifference before getting drunk and falling asleep before Midnight. We did not give a hoot that we would wake up around four in the morning, eat the cheesecake that invariably one of us would have sat on at some point in the evening and then spend the rest of the day in bed, watching MTV, reruns of MacGyver and telling stories about all the shitty things our exes had gotten away with doing for so long.

This time, after fuck up number two hundred and ten... all right, more like fuck up number three, she seemed lost without him. I knew way before she did that they would end up getting back together again but I am not sure I have ever told her that I prayed to God himself that they would never see each other again.

I know how that makes me sound. I sound like a whingy brat who has not gotten his way but there is a part of me, a huge part of me, that hates to see _anyone_ upset. And Beca is happy. But she is not content. I know a part of her died when they lost Bodhi. She has not been the same since he passed away and I wish with all my heart that I could bring him back for her. I even felt sorry for the wanker that day as well; I would not wish what they went through onto anyone.

' _Two wrongs don't make a right.'_ I can hear my Gran speaking now and it is decent advice from across the pond. Thinking bad thoughts is not going to help anyone right now, least of all me. I have not spoken to Beca in almost two weeks. She has shut everyone out and we need to wait until she is ready, despite all of us knowing she is being a dick right now.

I get up, out of bed, and head to the kitchen. I have had an idea and whiskey is not going to help… not yet anyway. Turning the kettle on, I boil enough water for a large cup of tea and let it steep while I fetch my phone.

Texting Anne, Will, Aubrey, Amy, Kimmy, Lilly, Flo and Sawyer is the one thing I can do for Beca right now. I need to do something, anything and if it does end up costing me my friendship with Beca but it means she is safe and happy, then it will be my last gift to her. She may not see it this way but sorry girlfriend, it is time for us to do something.

I was calling an intervention.

 **o~0~o**

Two days later my condo was full of people. I had stopped off at Whole Foods on my way home and filled my cart with snacks and drinks. It was not a party, but in the back of my mind I heard Beca telling me " _You have to provide refreshments when you have guests over."_ Then I heard my Gran's voice telling me ' _when the going gets tough, the tough get going'_ and tough love was on the agenda for the evening.

I put Amy in charge of putting out the snacks, regretting my decision when I saw her eyes light up at the range of European food I had bought from the ethnic food aisle. Strangely enough, she did not hog the nibbles as I thought she might. Aubrey arrived a few minutes later and came with Ben and both baby girls in tow. We spent a few minutes catching up with each other and passing the babies around the room. When I started hearing whispers of " _What are we doing here?"_ and " _Wonder what's going on?"_ I realized it was time that we finally got down to business.

"Thank you all for coming and my apologies again for the early morning text day before yesterday." I said, after ensuring everyone was armed with a cup of tea. I was aware of just how British I was sounding and acting as I stood up in front of everyone that I had known for most of my life.

"It's fine Luke. I think we were all thinking the same thing." Will said, nodding his conviction.

"As per my message, I believe that the time has come to stand up for Beca and what she needs, rather than what she thinks she wants for herself and for her scumbag husband."

"She won't like that." Aubrey said, indicating to Ben that he needed to burp Penny.

"I know, I know... but right now, I believe she needs our help. She just does not realize it. I, for one, am prepared to fight for her future."

"You'll have a hard time convincing her of that." Anne commented before taking a long pull from her cup of tea. She enjoyed a good English brew and the way Luke prepared it.

"I have a question." Amy said, raising her hand high above her head.

"Yes, Amy?" I answered, wishing for possibly the twentieth time that Amy would wear deodorant. I saw Anne cough a little and cover her nose as she was downwind from Amy's aroma.

"Why are we here?"

I tried hard not to sigh too loudly. "Well, we are staging an intervention to-"

"-I know all that." Amy said. "But why are we here?"

"I am not following." I admitted.

"Ok, so Beca is acting like a piker-"

"-Amy? Watch your language." Anne said, her eyes wide.

"What did I say?" Amy asked.

"A piker?" Anne baulked.

"Oh Mrs M, where I'm from that just means someone who doesn't want to do something especially within a group of people."

"Well that _does_ describe Beca ninety percent of the time." Will mumbled but wilted under a glare from Anne.

"So, Beca is acting out because, what... we don't like her husband?" Amy asked. "And she's stopped replying to messages because she thinks that's the best course of action?"

"There is a little more to it than that." I explained.

"Then, perhaps we all need to hear what this ' _little more'_ is?" Amy suggested as I bit my lip. I was trying to explain if she let me have a moment.

"Mr. Luke is trying to tell you." Flo said quietly and I admit, I raised an eyebrow in her direction as it was not very often she said anything sensible. I was about to thank her when she said, "Q-Tips make excellent stilts for mice."

Flo's statement caused a few snickers and looks of 'what the fuck?' from around the room.

"Luke... if you please." Anne prompted after a few seconds of just staring at Flo.

"Thank you. Yes. Of course. It has been less than two years since Beca introduced Jesse to us. In less than two years, they have moved in together, or rather Jesse has moved in with Beca, gotten married and... and... and Bodhi." I said, as carefully as I could. Anne and Will both looked down at their cups of tea. "She helped find him a job. She did a lot of legwork for him in finding a suitable record manager, one willing to give his band a try. To give him some credit here, The Riff is not a bad little band and-"

"-Then why didn't you sign 'em?" Amy interrupted.

"I am sorry, what?"

"The Riff. Universal didn't want to sign 'em?" Amy asked again.

"Conflict of interest." I said plainly as my way of explanation.

"Oh?" Amy asked.

"Yes, I had conflict and I was not interested. The Riff did not and does not fit what Universal is currently looking for." I said and a ghost of a smile posted itself on everyone's lips. "Beca also bought him clothes, paid for medical care and looked out for him. Then she trusted him to look after her house while she was away and Jesse repaid her by trashing the house and partaking in drugs and drinking. She kicked him out and he ended up back on the streets. She found him a few weeks later in a terrible state and brought him home. I remember asking her why she did that."

"What did she say?" Aubrey asked.

"She said that a person who has done bad things and made terrible life choices is still a human being. Even someone who was clearly in the wrong or in Jesse's case, a fuck up... apologies Anne. But nevertheless, she took him back after putting him through rehab because that is the kind of person she is. She attended all of the counseling sessions, bought him new clothes and shoes, paid for haircuts and treatments and he started to get well. I kept my mouth shut but I always thought there was more to him but I trusted Beca's instincts. She was, obviously, comfortable enough to have him share her bed and maybe that is what it is. Maybe he is a good fuc-"

"-Luke."

"Sorry Anne. I will rephrase. Maybe Jesse is a good, considerate partner? Maybe he does put the trash out and do the laundry, but I was not convinced. So I hired a private investigator and had him followed right around the time they announced they were expecting Bodhi. As it turns out Jesse's father was in town and following them, maybe he was after money, maybe trying to reconnect with his son, I guess we will never know."

There was a smattering of chatter so I paused for a moment and took a mouthful of tea.

"For a while Jesse looked to be behaving, he was at work every day and I never received a text from Beca complaining about him for a couple of months. Then Bodhi was born. We..." I said, indicating Anne and Will, "... where there when they got home from the hospital and like anyone who had just lost a child, they were completely broken. Will and Jesse had the idea to get the puppies which seemed to work well and they looked to be on the long road to recovery. Then Jesse was spending more and more time away from home again. He is busy with the band and that Pepper chick comes up all the time, as if Jesse feels he has to run everything past her. Beca began to call me more, texted constantly and, at first, I thought it was to do with the wedding and her nerves but I quickly realized she was lonely."

I heard a couple of people begin to sniff, as if the story is somehow getting to them. I did not realize until someone handed me a tissue that I was the one crying.

"My best friend was lonely because her fiance was too busy with everyone else and not giving her any help, suggestions or damnit, even some love. Their wedding day came and, as some of you know, I had words with Jesse and told him to pull his head out of his arse. He got my message loud and clear. Look after Beca, or deal with me. I am not usually into threatening people but he needed to be told. He looked nervous on his wedding day and he barely looked at Beca. She was the one taking his hand, guiding him through the day while he was constantly searching in the crowd. Maybe he thought his father would be there, his long lost brothers... who knows but he hardly looked at the vision standing next to him."

I looked up to see a few people nodding along with what I was saying.

"As we all know, the honeymoon was a wash out and that told me that Jesse did not really know Beca at all. She needed sun, a beach and more back massages than she could have ever wished for but he booked a camping trip. Again, I was there with an idea and a solution to make things better. A couple of months went by and I was asked to come by for dinner, to fix a broken switch, to help her move some boxes into the basement and hang their wedding photograph in the family room. I did not mind helping but all the while, I was thinking to myself that it should be Jesse doing this. He abandoned his new wife to do what? Beca tried to convince me that he was working on the album but she could not meet my eye while she was telling me. Recently, I was away on business. The morning after I arrived home, I received the phone call to say that Jesse had been hurt. I rushed over there and find her in quite the state. When I got there Beca told me that she had told Jesse that she was pregnant again-"

"-WHAT?" Both Anne and Will exclaimed at the same time, stopping me in tracks. Aubrey nearly jumped out of her skin.

"She's pregnant again?" Will asked, looking to Anne. "Did you know?"

"No, I didn't!" Anne said, quite loudly. Her face had already pinked up.

"Oh blast." I said, regretting what I had said. "I am so sorry, I thought she-"

"-No, this is not... we didn't know. She hasn't talked to us for... no, this is new to us." Anne stumbled over her words.

"Anne, I'm so sorry."

"A new baby?" Anne mouthed Will, her hand flying to her throat as she fought back tears. "Will, she's pregnant again."

"I'm sure she-"

"-My daughter obviously had her reasons Luke. It's not your fault." Anne said politely but I could see she was holding back her emotions.

"Carry on Luke." Will said.

"Um, sure. So, Beca told Jesse that they were expecting again and his reaction was to start drinking-"

"-Sorry to interrupt."

"Yes, Aubrey?"

"I think the drinking began again a lot earlier than that night." She said.

"Oh?"

"Beca came to me a few weeks ago, it was late and if memory serves, it was the night you are referring to. She was very upset, disoriented and just seemed so sad. I admit, I didn't handle it all that well and argued with her about Jesse. She left in a hurry and I haven't heard from her since."

"Ok, so Beca might have suspected he was drinking again… that makes more sense." I pondered, to myself than anyone else.

"He probably never stopped in all honesty." Will said.

"So Beca's up the duff again and Jesse's not happy." Amy concluded. "Why? Does he think the baby isn't his or something?"

Suddenly nine pairs of eyes looked to me.

"There is no doubt in my mind that Jesse is the father Amy." I said quietly. "If he suspected something different, then that shows just how little he really knows her.

"What next?"

"Beca found him three days later in the guest house and called the ambulance. At first, it was unclear if he was going to get through the night. After a couple of days, he rallied and looked to be on the mend."

"All of this seems bad Luke but not bad enough to stop Beca from returning our texts and calls." Sawyer stated.

"True." I said simply. "But after the first day, we... Will, Anne and myself were visiting with Beca as much as we could and as often as the hospital would let us. I never asked about Jesse, in all honesty, I could not give two shits about him. My concern was with my Beca. I did suggest that maybe they needed some time apart which did not go down well. She threw her marriage vows at me. When I suggested more counseling, she barked at me and told me it was a useless idea. I then-"

"-Every idea you offered, she discarded?" Anne interrupted and I nodded. "She's done that to her daddy and I too."

"And me." Amy said.

"We've also been told to keep away as our help wasn't wanted." Aubrey said as she looked over at Ben who was holding both babies in his arms.

"Ladies," I said, turning to Lilly and Kimmy Jin. "Have you had any contact with Beca?"

"None at all." Kimmy replied. "Her work phone is off and she's not responding to emails either."

"We've tried to give her much space as we can" Sawyer said. "I didn't know about the baby if I'm honest but she messaged me when Jesse first got sick and said she needed to take a leave of absence and that she didn't care if she was paid for it or not. She was blunt and to the point in her message so I took it that something was wrong and he didn't want to talk about it."

"How could you tell?" I asked.

"She was polite!" Sawyer grinned but dropped his smile in a matter of seconds. I smiled back, knowing exactly what he meant.

"Was that the last you heard from her?"

"No. It was quiet for a while but she sent a couple of updates by email. Then out of the blue, she started showing up at the office late into the evening and working at all hours of the night. I didn't hear from her but admittedly, I just left her to it. If I'm honest, I didn't want to hear anymore shit about Jesse. Last week, I received an email stating she was handing in her resignation."

"Um, what?" Kimmy Jin said. "Beca is leaving?"

Lilly made a face. "Beca can't leave us." She whispered inaudibly.

"I refused to accept her resignation and told her to take whatever time she needed. She's a very successful, well known music producer and I won't sit by and watch as she tries to throw her career in down the crapper for that no good son of a bitch." Sawyer said. "She can resign when I'm six feet under, until then… she's stuck with me. I won't give up on her." He looked down to the floor and mumbled, "Nobody should."

Will mouthed a silent ' _thank you'_ to Sawyer as soon as he lifted his eyes again.

"So, what's next?" Amy asked.

"Well... we need to get Beca away from this abusive relationship and-"

"-He's been hitting her?" Aubrey said, her eyes as wide as saucers, her voice full of concern.

"No, I do not think that is the case but I do think that she's being abused both emotionally and mentally which in my opinion is worse than the physical."

"True but does Beca see it that way?"

"No, I do not think she does. She is wrapped up in the relationship and desperate to make it work. She does not want to be seen as a failure."

"She's not a failure." Anne chimed in.

"I couldn't agree more." Will said as he took Anne's hand in his own. "Plenty of relationships don't work out."

"Beca is strong. She'd manage on her own."

"Ben and I can help out with the baby when she leaves Jesse."

"One in four marriages end in divorce."

"Right now, her safety and that of the baby is the most important."

"I see where she's coming from."

"I'm afraid for her future if she stays with Jesse."

"Do you have any cheese?"

The cacophony of responses had my head spinning as everyone began talking at once. I pointed Flo in the direction of the kitchen so she could get herself some cheese and turned back to the group of people who knew and loved Beca the most.

"In my opinion," I offered. "Beca is not in the right frame of mind. She is pregnant, scared and needs her _husband_ to stand by her in all of this. I actually do not give two hoots what is going on with Jesse right now, he should have stood by her. If their marriages fails later on down the road, at least they can both say, with clarity and certainty, that they gave this their best shot."

"Luke, may I say something?"

"Yes, Anne, please go ahead."

"Firstly, thank you for hosting us tonight. I know Will and I appreciate the way you look out for our daughter and have always looked out for Beca. You are like a son to us and we don't remember a time when you weren't around. You have always been there for her, even when she has been difficult and you have given and sacrificed a lot of your free time for her."

I blushed. In a very non manly way.

"I always hoped you two kids would get together but Will and I understand that sometimes being such good friends means overlooking the connection you may or may not have in the future. I thank you for always loving and supporting for our family."

"You are welcome." I said, biting my tongue over what I really wanted to say.

"My thoughts for the future are that until Beca sees what the rest of us see, she won't be able to do a thing about her relationship. She sees Jesse as her equal, loves him for some unknown, unfathomable reason and respectfully supports him in all his endeavours. The drinking can be dealt with, the disrespect cannot."

"Anne and I both agree on this." Will said carefully. Everyone could see that he was fighting with his emotions. "Beca is our only daughter and for that reason we have given Jesse all the chances he needs and deserves. I have always been able to get through to Beca, even when it seemed no one else could but she has shut me out."

"This leads us to summize that Jesse must have given Beca an ultimatum. I think he has told her that she has to make a choice between all of us and him." Anne summed up. I could see the judgey side of her shining through.

"We didn't understand what hold he had over her until this evening. She hadn't told us she was pregnant."

"I am sorry for spilling the beans." I said sadly. If I had known the announcement hadn't been made, I would have picked my words more carefully.

"I think it was Jesse who spilled his beans!" Amy quipped. Anne rolled her eyes at Amy's choice of words but a slight smirk appeared on Will's face.

"So we now think Jesse has a hold over Beca regarding the baby?" Aubrey asked taking Pru from Ben when the little girl began to fuss.

"I would imagine she is frightened about what happened with Bodhi and worried that it will happen again." I said. "Bree, if you need to use my room to feed Pru, please go ahead."

"Thanks Luke." Aubrey said, getting up with the baby.

"Mr. Luke, why is everyone so concerned with Mr. Hesse?" Flo asked, slipping a chunk of cheese into her mouth.

"Jesse?"

"Yes, Mr. Hesse. Everyone seems to dislike him and so why are-"

"-The squeaky wheel gets the grease, I guess." I answered.

"I don't understand Mr. Luke. Mr. Hesse needs to be greased?"

"I'd grease him!" Amy muttered, flexing her fingers.

"No, Flo, it just means that because he is annoying and needs to be sorted out, he gets the help rather than someone who stays quiet. Make sense?"

"No. But then marshmallows are a mystery to me too."

Luke gave Flo a very Beca-like eye roll before turning toward Sawyer when he began speaking.

"So Luke, do you have any ideas about what we can do to help Beca?" Sawyer asked, changing the subject.

"We need to get her out of that hospital. She's hardly left there for three weeks and when she does, it's only been to go home to change her clothes or collect things for Jesse."

"If we show up at the hospital, we could force her to come with us. Bring her home, get a decent meal into her, the break away from Jesse could be the break she needs to see where she is going wrong." Amy said. I was surprised about how sensible she sounded. "Then I could go back in and make Jesse's balls into a pair of earrings."

There was the Amy I knew and loved.

"Who will go to the hospital and get Beca?" Sawyer asked.

"I will go." I said.

"Are you sure Luke?"

"I know all her tricks and can see from a simple roll of her eyes what she is thinking." I said. "Besides, she is only the size of one of the Queen's corgis. I am sure I can handle her."

"She's going to fight you tooth and nail. Are you prepared for that?" Will asked.

"As my dear old Gran would say, ' _hope for the best but prepare for the worst'_ and I am definitely prepared for the backlash."

Will smiled. "Even if it costs you her friendship?"

"At least I'd know she was safe."

"Why are you so good to her Luke?" Anne asked, leaning forward to take my hand in hers.

"Because I love her." I said simply. Everyone would think it was because she was my best friend but only I knew that it went so much deeper than that.

I hated Jesse for being her husband. I hated that he wasn't good enough for her. I hated that I was not the one to take her to bed every night. I hated that I was not the one she woke up to each morning. I would take her places, treat her nicely and look after her. She could work part time if I was there, rather than the long hours she had to with him. I would simply love her for being her.

She was my absolute world.

And nothing and nobody compared to her.

I think what shocked me the most was that I just admitted to myself that I am _in_ love with her for the first time.


	35. Chapter 34: Boredom and Breakthroughs

**A/N: I _NEED_ to start this author's note off with a  HUGE _'I'm Sorry'_ that it has taken me SO damn long to get this chapter out. I've had a lot going on since my last post. For starters, I moved, I've gotten a new boss and my job has changed quite significantly. **

**This chapter has been written and rewritten a few times because I wanted to make sure that it was absolutely perfect. I've also been super scared and nervous to post because I've been worried about whether anyone was still reading or not. I hope and pray that y'all are still reading and riding this crazy roller coaster with me. If you remember, and I really hope that you do, in the last chapter, Beca and Jesse's life began to spiral out of control like it never has before.**

 **Corinne, my dear, sweet friend... thank you SO much for always being such an amazing and supportive beta. I love and appreciate that you kick in me the ass when I need it but also that you laugh, joke and toss ideas around with me for this story. I love ya chick! xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
** **Eight Weeks Later  
** **o~O~o**

Beca sat drumming her fingers against the countertop as she perched on one of the bar stools in her kitchen. She stared moodily out of the window, wishing the rain that had been falling since the day before would go away so she could take a long walk and stretch her legs. She'd never experienced cabin fever before but after a very long, arduous few months watching Jesse beat his internal struggles and working more hours from home than she ever had in her entire career, she was even excited about the prospect of a trip to the grocery store.

Sighing heartily, she rested her head on her hand and played with the spoon that she'd left lying on the granite counter, twirling it around before letting it drop with a clatter. She had very quickly figured out that she hated the constant silence that surrounded her these days and had taken to alternatively chatting to the dogs most of the day to singing to the bump that she protectively rubbed with a mixture of pleasure and anticipation.

By Christmas, Beca had hit the halfway point of her pregnancy. She just had to make it a few more weeks which would mean that if she went into labor early the baby would be viable and in a much stronger position to survive. It was both a happy time and sad time. If her body hadn't betrayed her, then Bodhi would be here, with her but if that were the case, then she wouldn't have this baby. It was a bittersweet time for her but there was no one to share her feelings with. She couldn't remember the last time she had spoken with anyone and had even taken to passing the time of day with the lady in line behind her at the grocery on Christmas Eve because it had been a full five days since she'd last uttered a word to anyone. She absentmindedly rubbed the spot on her ribcage where her tattoo was and prayed that this baby would make it to the end of the pregnancy. She wasn't sure she would live through losing another baby, she had barely made it through losing Bodhi. At least then, she had had Jesse by her side, well… for the most part, even as they struggled to come to terms with it in their own ways.

Now she just felt _very_ alone.

It was towards the middle of November when Jesse finally began to show signs of getting better and started acting more like his old self. Despite everything that he had put himself and his new wife through, Beca had made a silent promise to stand by him. She believed in the vows that they had taken and wasn't about to neglect her duties as a wife, no matter how difficult Jesse made it.

Standing up, she collected her mug and spoon and rinsed them in the sink before placing them in dishwasher. She easily recalled the conversation she'd had with Jesse before Luke had turned up unannounced, carrying a box full of cookies, three magazines for Jesse and something very heavy on his mind.

Luke issued an ultimatum... it was time to choose between Jesse and the rest of her family and friends.

Beca couldn't believe what she had heard.

Perhaps if Luke had asked at a different time or in a different way, Beca could have seen what he was trying to do rather than feel threatened and pushed into a corner. She appreciated what he was trying to do but she didn't have a callous bone in her body and wasn't about to walk away from a marriage that had only just begun… even if the road had been ridiculously hard.

Banging the door of the dishwasher shut, she pulled her hoodie tighter around her shoulders, shivering slightly from a weird sense of loss, rather than the cool air in the kitchen. She hated her incredible memory and her attention to detail. It made forgetting everything that happened all that more difficult.

 _ **o~O~o  
Flashback  
o~O~o**_

 _In the weeks since Jesse's relapse and subsequent hospitalization, Beca found that she had a lot of time to think and stew about the direction her life had taken since she had met him. In some ways, she could easily admit that a lot of it had been exciting but she also had a lot of time to get angrier about the things that had gone so wrong. On one hand, it had certainly been an exhausting few months, a lot had happened, on the other, it had also an extremely complex year._

 _Jesse's collapse was one drama too many for Beca to handle and she had taken to writing her feelings down in the day planner in her purse. She hadn't intended for anyone to read it so she was horrified to find Jesse with it in his hands after she'd returned to his room following a trip to the cafeteria for a banana and a cup of yogurt in the middle of the night. She wasn't exactly hungry but knew she had to have something for the sake of the baby she was carrying._

 _She stood motionless. Waiting for Jesse to say something, anything._

" _So, you really hate me huh?" Jesse had croaked, his voice raspy and weak from the tube that had been buried in his throat for nearly three weeks._

" _Jesse, I..." Beca had begun to try to explain._

" _No, I get it." Jesse said, throwing Beca's journal down onto the covers next to him. "The funny thing is, I'm not even mad because you're right. I am useless."_

" _Jess… I needed someone to talk to. I had to have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. I needed to keep my stress to a minimum for the baby's sake. I can't go through another February." She sighed. "It became so blatantly obvious that I couldn't talk to you about any of this. You used to be the one I turned to for everything. You understood me… or at least I thought you did. You put up with…" She paused to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "I mean, we shared the best and worst of life together, every spare thought I had was about you and now... now, I'm on my own."_

 _"But you aren't, are you?" Jesse said, the glint in his eye apparent._

" _What do you mean?"_

" _You aren't 'on your own'."_

" _Well, you're in here and even you should be able to admit that things haven't been right between us for a while. You've been distant since..."_

" _... since Bodhi?"_

" _Well, yeah. We seemed all right before then. We went out, did things, enjoyed life, met up with friends and enjoyed nights in. But it was always us, together."_

" _It's always been hard competing with another man for your affections. It was easier to play the game and go along with what you wanted us to do. It-"_

" _-Wait, hold up. What are you talking about? What other man? What game? Jesse, what are you talking about?"_

" _I've always been compared to another man."_

" _I've never-"_

" _-He's always been the one you turn to first. Call, text, run to."_

" _Jesse, you're my husband."_

" _Physically and on paper I'm your husband but emotionally, Luke is-"_

" _-Luke?!" Beca said, walking towards the bed and pulling up a chair next to Jesse. "Is this what this is all about? Luke is my best friend and has been since we were 8 years old. I have no feelings for him in that way. Do I love him? Yes, of course I do. I love him with all of my heart and I always will, but not in the same way that I love you. You wouldn't be thinking like this if Luke was a girl."_

 _Jesse thought about what Beca said for a moment before answering. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing sensible was coming to him. Deep down, she'd made a very valid point._

" _Jesse, do you love me?" Beca asked._

" _Yeah."_

" _Do you want to be married to me?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Well, don't get too enthusiastic about it." Beca said, the sarcasm clearly evident in her voice._

" _Can it just be us for a while?"_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _Can we shut everyone else out and just work on us?"_

" _Well, yeah. Of course we can but this works both ways Jesse. If you want me to shut everyone out to give you all the time you need to work through whatever is going on with you and so that we can sort out this marriage, then you have to put some work in yourself."_

" _So, this is all on me now?" Jesse bit back._

" _Please don't heap all of the blame back onto me Jesse. You need to take responsibility for your actions. The only thing I am guilty of is giving you a lot of second chances. I have given you all that I had and more. I didn't put the drink in your hands. I didn't tell you to try and kill yourself. And I didn't crawl on top of myself and get pregnant on my own. This baby is the fresh start you need… we need, and you need to accept it. Be the guy that I fell in love with. I can't do that for you."_

" _Well, you need to..." Jesse began angrily, before shaking his head as if he had changed his mind about speaking._

" _What Jess? What do I need to do that I don't do already?"_

" _Let me be a man."_

" _Then start by treating me like a woman, your wife and the mother of your children. Treat me like I'm priority… not an option."_

" _This is why I need it to just be us for a while. No Luke. No Amy. No Mom and Dad. Just you and me."_

" _You need me to spend more time with you… fine, you got it. I can do that. But don't you dare make me choose between you and the people I love Jesse. That is one thing I don't appreciate and I won't do."_

 _ **o~O~o**_

As the memory flickered across her mind, Beca shuddered at the words she had uttered moments before Luke had entered the room. With Jesse's eyes boring into her soul, she had swallowed her annoyance and fear as she told Luke that she promised Jesse she would see him through his journey. It had broken her heart to ask Luke to leave Jesse's hospital room. Her best friend, in the entire world, had not taken his eyes off of hers as he walked backwards through the door. He never stopped staring as she closed the door in his face. She never moved as she heard him sigh heavily before the soft footfalls on the squeaky linoleum signaled he had walked away after ten minutes.

She dropped to the floor and cried. She didn't care that Jesse could hear and see her. She tried to explain it to him; she felt that she was mourning Luke's friendship. Jesse had just scoffed and turned over in his bed, pulling his phone out from underneath his pillow and spending the evening texting on it.

Beca wasn't quite sure what to make of the whole thing but she dutifully sat by her husband's side until he fell asleep. She had no idea where their relationship was heading. She gathered up her day planner, collected her purse and headed out of the hospital to her car. She sat hugging the wheel as the tears poured down her face. It was then that she felt it for the first time.

The baby kicked.

Hard.

"Wow." Beca said, sitting upright in the chair. "You ok in there little one?" She rubbed her tummy while she pulled her day planner from her purse on the passenger seat. She wanted to make a note of the date, recording the event because, unlike Jesse, she welcomed the pregnancy with an open heart. As she circled the words ' _baby's first kick'_ a couple of times, she saw the diary entry for her eighteen week ultrasound the following week. She cried as she thought that she really didn't want to have to go to the appointment alone.

 **o~O~o**

In time, Jesse finally came home but it wasn't quite the happy homecoming it should have been. Weeks of therapy and support group meetings had left Jesse bitter and feeling as if he had no control over his life. Beca attended as many of his appointments as she could in between looking after the house and maintaining a presence in the office. She was at the hospital every day until Jesse came home.

Walking through the front door, Jesse had ignored the puppies and gone straight out to the pool area, taking a seat on the morning porch and not moving, except to light cigarette after cigarette for six hours. It set the tone for the next two weeks. Jesse would wake up, shower and sit outside. Beca would leave for work in the dark and return home in time to make dinner. Except for the notes that they had traded on the fridge, Beca and Jesse hadn't really spoken in weeks. It was the same thing, over and over again. Grocery lists would mysteriously disappear and the groceries would appear in the pantry or the fridge. The laundry was always done and the bills were always paid. No questions asked. It was all just taken care of.

They coexisted, lived under the same roof and even shared a bed but they were living like ships passing in the night. What Jesse didn't know was that the _only_ reason Beca allowed him to sleep in their bed was because she was terrified that he would have another relapse. Every night, once she was sure that he was in a deep sleep, she would tie their ankles together with the belt from her robe so that she would know if he was getting up to drink in the middle of the night. Despite her exhaustion, she even managed to wake up before him to remove the belt.

Because of their current living situation, the last thing Beca expected was for Jesse to pay any attention at all to the twenty six week ultrasound appointment card she'd left on the fridge. It was more of a reminder for herself, not an invitation for Jesse. The last thing she needed was the stress of him showing up where he wasn't wanted… or needed.

When she left the house on the morning of her appointment, she left without saying a word. She grumbled when she saw Jesse sitting on the couch in the family room binge watching ' _That 70's Show'_ on Netflix and laughing like nothing was wrong. She couldn't believe that this is what their life had become. Where had she gone so wrong? What had she done to deserve this?

Beca shook her head as walked through the family room and the kitchen toward the garage. She needed to get out of the house but more importantly, she needed to get to her appointment. As she placed her phone into her purse, she tossed around the idea of calling Luke. She hadn't spoken to him in weeks and missed everything that being his best friend provided her with. She missed him and she missed his company. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she jammed her phone into the side pocket and hurried out of the door. Calling Luke wasn't going to solve her problems.

 **o~O~o**

The waiting room at the doctor's office, while warm and inviting, did nothing to improve Beca's mood. As much and as hard as she tried to leave her piss poor attitude at the door, it seemed to follow her everywhere she went these days. She signed in and exchanged forced pleasantries with Alice, the front desk receptionist, before taking a seat.

She noted that the beige carpet was spotless and that the walls had been freshly painted a warm Earthy tone since her last visit. The wall that was once filled with leaflets, pharmaceutical advertising posters and directions had been replaced with an aquarium, filled with tropical fish and a sunken submarine.

She wasn't quite sure what the point of the aquarium was but found that she couldn't pull her attention away from it. Watching the fish was actually quite relaxing and she soon found herself giggling when she spotted a couple of fish that looked like Nemo and Dory. She even wondered what Sawyer would say if she told him that she was going to put an aquarium in her office.

Beca shook her head bringing herself back to the present. She couldn't think about work or Jesse or anything else at that moment. She needed to be selfish for a while and just think about herself and her baby.

Beca sat comfortably on one of the overstuffed sofas, reading a magazine while she waited to be called. The doctor was running a few minutes late and all was fine as she checked her watch until she got _that_ feeling… the one in the pit of her stomach that told her that _he_ was close by. Looking towards the door, she immediately saw him as he walked in and approached the reception desk. Beca felt the chilly January air blow into the waiting room and sunk into the soft cushions of the couch, hoping that she could make herself small enough that he wouldn't see her.

No such luck. Jesse's eyes found hers as soon as the door closed behind him, the loud clunk turning a few heads in his direction.

Beca glared at him as she thought, " _Why is he here?"_.

Up to that point, he had missed every single appointment, which was probably for the best. But it was obvious, by his sudden appearance, that he had seen the appointment card and made the decision to attend this appointment on his own merit. Beca wasn't quite sure whether to be pleased or upset.

"What are you doing here?" Beca asked as Jesse stood in front of her, saying more to her husband in that moment than she had in the last several weeks.

Jesse shrugged. "I couldn't let you do this alone."

"Well, so far, I've been doing just fine on my own. I've been alone for all of the other appointments. So, why are you here now?"

"But you don't have to-"

"-And you didn't have to come."

"I wanted to." Jesse said quietly.

"Why Jesse? Why now?" Beca asked with more than a tinge of exasperation in her voice.

Jesse sat down next to Beca, reaching out his quivering fingers and trying to hold her hand. She immediately recoiled, her eyes darting around the room to see if anyone else was watching their exchange before locking eyes with Jesse. She stared at him defiantly until he looked away. He couldn't say that he was surprised. "We have a lot to be thankful for."

"Do _we_?" The pain and anger evident in her response. "I seem to recall being accused of having an affair and trying to pass this baby off as yours."

Jesse dropped his head. "Beca… I-"

"-Believe me, you don't know how much I wish this baby was someone else's." She said as she put a protective arm around her bump and turned her back on Jesse. She didn't even care that a polite cough on the other side of the room signaled that she had been a little shrill in her biting remark to Jesse. She felt Jesse blanche as she picked up the magazine she'd been enjoying just a few minutes earlier and furiously swiped at the pages, ripping the corners off of two sheets in her haste to swallow her anger before her appointment.

Jesse sat quietly, trying to decide whether he should get up and leave or try and fix the mess he'd created. Seeing the note on the fridge had stirred something in him, a feeling he'd suppressed and ignored. He'd pulled a juice box from the fridge and collected a bag of chips from the pantry before kicking the door shut with his foot. He was in his own world as he retraced his steps out of the kitchen, pausing at the door as something caught his eye.

It was a small container by the kitchen sink that contained pregnancy vitamins and pamphlets on healthy eating during pregnancy. How had he not noticed that before? Wondering what else he'd missed, he carried his drink and snack up the stairs and wandered into their shared bathroom. Beca's things were stacked neatly in a basket on the left side of the vanity while his were shrewn haphazardly everywhere on the right. Her towel was folded neatly and hung on the towel rack while his was thrown on the floor.

Without thinking, he dropped his juice box and chips in the sink and began to straighten up his shaving cream, razor and face wash. He collected his towel and folded it as best he could before hanging it next to Beca's. He glanced over at her basket and caught sight of her perfume. Reaching over, he pulled it from its place and took off the cap. Inhaling deeply, he instantly felt a calm wash over him, the scent acting like a warm blanket on a cold day as he knew this was what home felt like.

He was about to replace the bottle when he saw a tube of Mederma cream right at the front. Looking at it for a full minute, the fog began to lift from his brain. It hit him like a shit ton of bricks that Beca was carrying his child and that her body was changing shape to grow their baby. He hadn't even noticed any changes in her appearance since she'd become pregnant and felt ashamed that he simply hadn't cared enough to bother.

Walking back into their bedroom and munching on his chips, he saw one the closet doors was slightly ajar. Knowing Beca hated the door being left open at night, citing a childhood fear of the Closet Monster, he was surprised that it wasn't pushed shut. Using his foot to create enough space for him to walk through, he turned on the light and watched as it illuminated all of his belongings. Everything was neatly stacked as it always was but he noticed a couple of store bags that had yet to be unpacked and put away.

Thinking that was unusual for Beca to not keep everything in its place, he opened one of the bags and looked inside. He wasn't sure if he was surprised or not to see a couple of packets of onesies nestled under some tissue paper. A pack of baby bottles filled the other bag.

Tears began to prickle at his eyes, this baby was real and happening and Beca was quietly preparing for his or her arrival by herself and he was doing nothing to support either of them. He backed out of the closet and kicked the door shut, leaving their bedroom with just as much tenacity.

Walking across the hallway, he held his breath as his hand took hold of the door knob that would have been his son's bedroom. The click of the door sounded very loud as he slowly pushed it open and looked inside. To his sheer relief, he immediately saw the room was exactly as he remembered it. All of Bodhi's things had been boxed and either put away or given to goodwill. The half painted walls were left unfinished and only a small chair in the corner of the room remained.

Sighing again, he closed the door behind him but instinctively knew that the room opposite was earmarked for the new baby and he decided to go and have a look inside. Entering the room, he saw that he was right and Beca had indeed been busy. While the room remained undecorated, he caught sight of a changing table waiting to be built, the parts stacked neatly against the wall, partially covered with a thin plastic sheet. He saw a small basket filled with soft toys perched on top of a box with a picture of a rocking horse on the outside. A new light fixture and a rocking chair sat in the middle of the room, and new mini blinds leaning up against it.

' _There's no crib.'_ He thought to himself then realized that she was probably waiting to find out the sex of the baby before purchasing any gender themed bedding or the rest of the furniture. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he realized that while Beca was quietly preparing to become a Mommy, he was completely unprepared for the baby's arrival.

Remembering the doctor's appointment card on the fridge, he dropped his juice and chips on the floor and ran to the top of the stairs. Jogging all the way down and to the fridge, he checked the time of the appointment before looking at his watch. Mentally calculating the distance in his mind, he reasoned he could just about make it if he hurried. Grabbing his coat, he locked the front door in a hurry and kicked over the tall plant on the front step, deciding to leave it where it was until he got home to clean it up rather than wasting precious time to find the broom.

Racing out of the driveway, he hurried down the hill and turned left onto the main road that would take him directly to the doctors office. Luck was on his side and the traffic was minimal as he pulled into the parking lot and took the stairs two at a time into the building.

Relief flooded his system as his eyes sought out Beca in the waiting room and it took him a few seconds to remember that just because he had had an epiphany about his unborn child, it didn't mean that Beca knew his every thought. As she sent her scathing remark in his direction, he visibly flinched as she turned her back on him, taking out her frustration on a Homes and Garden publication.

It stung. Her words stung. Did she really wish that the baby was someone else's? Is that really what she wanted? But as much as he wanted to be hurt and pissed off by what she had just admitted, he couldn't blame her for feeling the way she did. What the fuck had possessed him to say those things to her? Had he accused her simply to take the focus off of himself and _his_ affair? He desperately wanted to tell her that he was sorry and that he'd gone too far but the words stuck in his throat as he watched her chest heave with the exertion of trying not to cry in public.

Before Jesse could respond, a nurse in pink scrubs walked into the waiting room. "Beca… you can come on back."

Without saying another word to Jesse, Beca swung her purse onto her shoulder, stood up and walked toward the nurse. Jesse decided to follow at a safe distance. He knew Beca well enough to know that he'd fucked up and she wasn't just going to forgive him just because he said that he was sorry. It was going to take time and simply showing up for an ultrasound appointment wasn't going to cut it. He had a lot to make up for and he made his mind up that he was going to set up the baby's room to show her that he was sorry. He didn't quite have the full plan sorted of what he was going to do but he knew Beca would appreciate the effort… or at least he hoped she would.

Jesse had been beyond horrible to Beca and he knew damn well that she didn't deserve it. As the memories of all of the things that she had done for him in the past filtered back into his memory, he felt more and more ashamed. There was no way he could make up for what he'd done to her. He had left her alone for Christmas and New Years, preferring to stay in hospital, even though he'd been given a day pass for both holidays, where he knew he could spend his days on his phone. In his defense, he thought that she had gone with her parents to Aspen for the holidays. He didn't know she'd cooked a full holiday meal of ham, turkey, baked macaroni, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce and more pies than was normal. He wasn't aware that she'd scrubbed everything from top to bottom to make the house look amazing and that afterward she spent two hours in the bath resting her aching back afterwards. He hadn't known that she'd lovingly wrapped a few gifts for him and placed them under a tree she'd decorated in a hurry to prepare for him coming home.

It was only after the New Year, when Luke visited Jesse in the hospital while Beca was out running errands, that he found out that Beca spent the holidays at home alone with the dogs. The news didn't seem to bother Jesse at all, which only served to piss Luke off even more. Without saying another word, Luke responded by punching him in the face. As Jesse nursed his swollen lip, it occurred to him that either Luke had been in contact with Beca the entire time, against his wishes and despite her saying that she'd cut all ties with her friends and family or Luke had been watching from afar.

When he questioned Luke about it, he received a stern and well thought out answer. Jesse knew beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Beca had done everything she said she would. He was about to mock Luke for not being able to leave Beca alone when he saw Luke shut and lock his door.

Luke explained how he would drive by to check on the house a few times a week, despite Beca's pleas for him to stay away. He saw Beca through the large kitchen window and could imagine the most amazing smells as he stood on the street side of the gates. Luke told Jesse that he'd let himself into the house to ' _check the roof'_ after a particularly bad thunderstorm and found all of the evidence of her hard work. As he described in detail how she had decorated the house for his homecoming, Jesse felt a familiar pull in his heart. He hated to think about her being alone at the most important time of the year… and then he remembered where he was, what he was doing and all that he _had_ done.

Jesse was brought back to the present when he heard Beca's voice.

"Hi Jen." Beca said sweetly as they entered the examination room. "How's Brad and the kids?"

"They're great! We signed Rowen up for spring t-ball and Stella just started walking. Time goes so fast but I love watching them grow and change." She said excitedly.

"They can start sports that young?" Beca asked as she kicked off her shoes and stood on the scale.

Jen grinned as she began to write some details on Beca's chart. "They call it t-ball but in all actually it's a bunch of toddlers running around in batting helmets while looking like bobbleheads."

Beca laughed, stepping off of the scale and made a show of ignoring Jesse as he hung out nervously in the door frame. "Oh please take videos! This I _have_ to see!"

"Sure thing!" Jen said as she jotted Beca's weight in her chart and handed her a little cup to pee in. "You know what you have to do with this."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Beca mumbled as she excused herself to the restroom.

Jesse noticed that Beca was overly warm and friendly with Jen. She was able to change her emotions with a flip of a switch it seemed. As much as he thought he knew her, he had to admit, maybe he really didn't know her at all. It never occurred to him that she was hiding her emotions and holding it together as desperately as a cracked egg shell. Jen smiled in his direction and offered him the chair in the corner of the room. He shook his head and said he was fine where he was as Beca emerged from the bathroom clutching her cup of pee. She rolled her eyes at Jesse and shared a knowing smile with Jen. Beca knew that hospitals made Jesse nervous but she wouldn't admit that she enjoyed watching him squirm. As Jen left the room, Beca cleared her throat and pointed to the chair that Jesse had declined to sit in. He took his lumps and sat nervously on the hard back chair as Beca sat in a comfier one next to the exam table.

They sat in awkward silence as they waited for Dr. Kaiser to come into the exam room. Beca checked through some emails while Jesse busied himself reading all of the medical information that hung on the walls. Occasionally, he would wince or make a other noises as he realized all of what went into birthing a baby. Beca suppressed a giggle as Jesse's leg began to twitch when he looked at a picture of a set of forceps.

Jesse immediately took his seat when he heard Dr. Kaiser remove Beca's chart from the door. The door gently swung open and Dr. Kaiser's eyes landed on Jesse. He instantly felt like he wasn't welcome judging by the look on the doctor's face. He reasoned that she was surprised to see him which is something he could understand seeing as he hadn't been to any of the other appointments and Beca had probably told the truth of his whereabouts.

"Hey Beca. How are you and the little one feeling today?" Dr. Kaiser said, closing the door behind her. She nodded a greeting in Jesse's direction.

"We're good." Beca responded, rubbing her bump lovingly.

Dr. Kaiser flipped through the chart in her hand. "Everything looks great. Your glucose test came back negative, which is just what we want to see. Your weight is pretty much on point and your vitals are good."

Beca smiled. Some of her worries and concerns had been alleviated with those few sentences.

Dr. Kaiser could see the Beca's face relax a little, though she still wondered why Jesse was there given the things Beca had confided in her. She brushed it off, making a mental note to call or text Beca later to make sure everything was really ok. "I'm going to take a few fundal growth measurements before we proceed with the ultrasound. Ready?"

Beca nodded, stood up and moved over to the examination table. She climbed up, wishing she were a foot taller, then laid back and lifted her blouse so that Dr. Kaiser's measurements would be as accurate as possible. "Right at twenty two and a half centimeters… that's just a tad bit small but I'm not surprised since you're quite petite to begin with. Just to be sure, we'll double check everything during the ultrasound."

"Are you sure?" Beca asked. Her voice was immediately laced with concern.

Dr. Kaiser took Beca's hand to reassure her. "I'm positive."

When it came time for the ultrasound, Jesse watched as Beca raised her shirt a little higher, exposing the tattoo she'd gotten months before. He knew she wouldn't let him hold her hand, though in that very moment, he really wanted to. He missed her soft, pale skin. Placing his hand on the bed next to Beca, he found his fingers being drawn to her tattoo. As he gently stroked her side and her ribs, he felt her entire body stiffen, but as he continued, she seemed to relax.

"So… are we ready to see this little munchkin on the big screen?" Dr. Kaiser asked.

Beca smiled. She had been waiting for this all day. She was both excited and apprehensive about it. She had been feeling the baby move so she knew that at least that much was ok. It was everything else that worried her. "Yes please." She said in a voice so small, it almost couldn't be heard.

Dr. Kaiser took her time, checking anything and everything she could see, measure and double check. She wanted to make absolutely sure that the baby was healthy and developing normally. She smiled as she moved the wand over Beca's perfect alabaster skin. "Beca… did you know that your mom called me?"

"She did?" Beca asked, puzzled. "Why?"

Dr. Kaiser grinned. "She wanted me to tell her the sex of the baby and said that the two of you weren't speaking very much at the moment. When I told her that so far the baby was being very stubborn about showing us the goods, she didn't believe me. Is everything all right with the two of you?"

Beca rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, I've just been busy with work and..." Beca looked over towards Jesse, "... some personal matters but even if I told her the baby wasn't cooperating, she wouldn't have believed me either. I should have warned you that she might call. The last time I spoke to her, she said she wanted to throw a gender reveal party when the time was right."

"You don't want a party?" Dr. Kaiser asked as she watched the screen and jotted a few things in Beca's chart.

"No, not really." Beca told her. "Boy or girl… it really doesn't matter. I just want a healthy baby."

Dr. Kaiser stopped moving to wand, placing it on the tray next to the bed. Taking Beca's hand in her own she asked. "Do _you_ want to know the sex of the baby?"

Without even asking what Jesse thought, Beca nodded her head.

Dr. Kaiser picked up the ultrasound wand and began moving it around on Beca's bump. "Let's see if this little one will cooperate with us today." Dr. Kaiser continued to look around, jotting things in Beca's chart as she went and explained that she was taking measurements to make sure that the baby was growing appropriately.

A few minutes later, Dr. Kaiser made Beca jump when she suddenly said, "Ah ha! There it is! Gotcha little one. Couldn't hide the goods from me forever."

Beca giggled. She thought it was hilarious that Dr. Kaiser was having an "ah ha" moment with the baby.

"You ready Beca?"

"As ready as I've ever been." She said excitedly.

"Well, you have a beautiful… healthy… perfect… little... princess!" Dr. Kaiser announced. "Would you look at her?! She's sitting up and has her little ankles crossed like a perfect little lady."

When Beca looked at the screen, the baby was sucking on her hand but Dr. Kaiser was right, she was sitting with her ankles crossed like a little princess.

"Well Beca… looks like you need to go eat some lunch."

"Huh?" Beca asked, unable to take her eyes off of the screen. She was drinking in the image of the baby growing inside her. It had suddenly all become very real for her.

"Honey, your daughter is going to town on her fist. It's clearly time to eat, well… at least by her time clock it is." Dr. Kaiser chuckled as she printed out a bunch of ultrasound pictures for Beca.

"Oh… right." Beca said as she sat up and rubbed the gel off her belly with the sheet. "I guess I am getting a little hungry." Pulling her shirt down over her belly.

"Well… you go feed this little princess and I'll see you both back in two weeks. Try and up those calories with some healthy snacks and try to get as much rest as possible. You look exhausted." Dr. Kaiser patted Beca's leg. "And congratulations! She's perfect."

Finding out that their daughter was healthy was a blessing that Beca felt came from Bodhi. Dr. Kaiser promised to continue to keep a very close eye on Beca and monitor the baby very closely. She vowed that she wasn't taking anymore chances with Beca or the baby, especially after what happened with Bodhi.

When Dr. Kaiser left the room, Jesse's eyes met Beca's and without saying anything, she took his hand and placed it on the swell of her belly allowing Jesse to feel the baby move. For the first time, Jesse felt the baby kicking, something he'd only experienced a few times before Bodhi passed. Just as quickly, Beca dropped his hand, slid off of the examination table, collected her purse and without saying a word, she walked out of the exam room. She hoped that feeling the baby move would give him the kick in the ass that he needed to get his life in order before it was too late.

Jesse was thankful that Beca allowed him a few seconds to feel the baby, their daughter, moving around blissfully unaware of all the pain that her mommy was feeling in her heart. He also found himself growing more and more excited about the baby and the promises that came along with bringing a new life into the world. He hoped that this little girl would be a fresh new start for their family but he also worried. He worried that he'd never be good enough. He worried that he'd never measure up to Will. Beca had a relationship with her dad that was unshakable; nothing could ever come between them. He had seen that with his own eyes and he wasn't sure that he could learn everything before the baby arrived.

The memory of seeing his little girl on the screen was burned into his brain and he closed his eyes and raised them to the ceiling. He knew he had to step up. He had to make this right. He was suddenly afraid of losing everything that he had. He began to form a plan in his mind.

But he needed some help first.

* * *

 **A/N: So... now that you've read the chapter... do you think Beca and Jesse can survive the damage? Or is what's happened too much for them recover from? Can the baby bring them together at the most momentous time of their life?**


	36. Chapter 35: Efforts and Evasiveness

**A/N: I'm SO sorry that it's been SO damn long since I posted. Life keeps getting in the way & writing keeps taking a back seat. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please don't forget to review. I love hearing from each & every one of you. As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to PM me. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Happy Reading! **

* * *

**o~O~o  
Chapter 35  
o~O~o **

Jesse knew what he needed to do but he also knew that things were going to take time. If he was going to make an honest effort to fix things with Beca then it all had to happen organically and over the course of a few days, weeks or even months. He knew that Beca wasn't just going to forgive and forget this time, too much had happened. Attempting to kill himself and Beca finding him splayed out on the floor wasn't just something she was going to get over or forget and he knew that.

He had a lot to make up for but how?

Lately, he and Beca drifted through the house robotically making sure to stay out of each other's way and walking straight back out of the room if the other was already in there. They weren't speaking directly to one another, the notes they exchanged on the fridge didn't count, and they most certainly weren't spending any appreciable amount of time with each other. Sure, they slept in the same bed, but that was the closest they ever were to one another. There was no touching, not even accidental. There was no intimacy, both making sure that neither crossed the imaginary line down the middle of the king sized bed they shared. They laid within arms reach of the other every night, but in reality, they were worlds apart.

While Jesse had spent an hour with Beca at her doctor's appointment, she had nothing nice to say to him, and quite frankly, he didn't blame her. She had made it perfectly clear that while she allowed him to stay, things between them definitely were not ok. In all honesty, he was just happy to hear her voice, even if her words felt like salt being rubbed into fresh wounds. He'd forgotten how much he actually missed her until that moment.

As Jesse drove home from the appointment, the weight of what Beca said in the doctor's office began to really hit home. As her words played on a loop through his mind, he began to wonder what he could do to start chipping away at the impenetrable fortress Beca had thrown up around herself. There had to be a way to get through to her… but how? He knew she was doing what she could to protect her heart and more importantly, herself and their daughter but he had to figure out a way to get through to her some kind of way.

When he got home, the puppies greeted him warily but happily then followed him out the back door. He could tell they were guarded around him and he didn't blame them. He'd been horrible to them, spent months ignoring them, pushing them away when they jumped up on him or brought their toys for him to play with. They would retreat to their kennels when he would yell at them for peeing on the floor, but in reality he knew that if he'd just let them out into the yard when they asked to go outside, he wouldn't have to clean up their messes.

As they ran around the yard, oblivious to everything that was going on, Jesse's mind drifted back to Beca and their unborn daughter as he leaned against the door jamb and watched Roxie and Jagger playing tug of war with their rope. Jagger pulled hard enough that the rope came out of Roxie's mouth and he took off running around the yard as they continued to play a game where only they knew the rules. He chuckled when Roxie caught up with Jagger, tackling him, taking the rope as her prize and immediately running in the opposite direction. It wasn't long before Jagger was hot on her heels.

Jesse found himself smiling at absolutely nothing. He was almost giddy with the excitement of a baby girl. A daughter… a beautiful little miniature version of Beca. How did he get so lucky? Would she look like Beca? He hoped so. He could already imagine a little girl with chubby cheeks, long, curly hair and stunning blue eyes. Would she be a Mommy's girl or a Daddy's girl? At the rate he was going, their Little Miss was definitely going to be a Mommy's girl.

And then, it hit him… like a fist right between the eyes. **' _Just how did I get so lucky?'_** He thought to himself while he watched the dogs play. ** _'I'm a loser from the bad side of town. I came from fucked up parents, a rundown trailer park with no prospects, skills or talents apart from my voice. By some twist of fate, I meet and fall in love with the most incredible woman who has a loving, supportive family and friends, even if some of them are a little crazy. She gives me a place to live that is beyond my wildest dreams, nice clothes, good food, the latest phones and gadgets and a gorgeous classic car. She went out of her way to find me a recording contract, helped get my band up and running and set me on a path that would ensure that my future was bright and successful. She gave me an incredible wedding, and a life of comfort and stability. And I repay her by sleeping around with four different women, having a bad attitude and an offensive approach to married life. I made her choose me over her family; which she did and I've been acting like a complete dick to repay her.'_**

Jesse wiped an errant tear away; he knew in his heart of hearts, that it was up to him to make this right. He silently hoped that he and his baby girl would have a relationship like Beca had with her dad. Her dad. His heart lurched even further at the thought. Beca was a Daddy's girl and her heart was probably broken beyond repair because Jesse had made her choose.

What had he done?

Pulling out a chair, Jesse tossed his cigarettes and phone on the table and took a seat. He watched the puppies for a few more minutes before reaching for the cigarettes, lighting one up and inhaling deeply. He loved the familiar burn of the nicotine as it hit his lungs, the only thing that would make him enjoy it more was a stiff drink, something he knew he couldn't and shouldn't have… booze. An old, familiar friend.

" _Hello darkness my old friend._

 _I've come to talk with you again."_

Jesse shook his head. "NO! NO! NO!"

He couldn't go back there no matter how much he missed the buzz and the burn. He missed the tingle in his gut that he got when the first sips whiskey hit his belly. He missed the smell and the warmth he felt all over as the booze entered his bloodstream. He missed the high.

Because the urge for a drink came from out of nowhere, Jesse reached for his phone, scrolled through his contacts and found Donald's name. He needed to keep the lines of communication open between himself and his sponsor. Donald had this unbelievable ability to talk Jesse down when all seemed lost, something that even Beca was unable to do. The current situation being what it was with Beca, Jesse and Donald seemed to be talking almost daily. Jesse sent Donald a quick text.

" _ **D - Got a few minutes? I really need to talk. - J"**_

Within minutes Donald was calling Jesse to find out what was wrong. "Hey Jesse… what's up man?"

"Got the urge-"

"-What did you do?"

"Well… I'm not on the way to the liquor store if that's what you mean."

"That's really good. Where are you?"

"At home."

"You did the right thing by reaching out." Donald told him. "What brought it on this time?"

"I met Beca at her ultrasound appointment this morning."

"That's great! How did it go?"

"Well… without saying the words, she told me to drop dead. And if looks could kill, I would be." Jesse admitted.

"Honestly dude… can you blame her?" Donald asked. "You've been a complete dick these last few months."

Jesse sighed. "No… I don't blame her. I just wish-"

"-Things aren't going to go back to the way they were. You have to admit what you've done and take the necessary steps to right all of the wrongs." Donald told him. "You can't wish away the problems _you_ created."

"I know."

"Do you?" Donald asked. "If you hadn't been such a dick about things, you could go to Luke for advice but you singlehandedly fucked that up. Luke knows Beca better than anyone, he could have been your ace in the hole. Instead, you've managed to make him your enemy."

The two men sat in silence for several minutes. The only sound to be heard was breathing and sighs. Donald hoped that what he said was sinking in and that Jesse was taking it seriously.

Jesse had nothing. No smartass comments, no excuses, no words… nothing. Donald's words hit him hard and the worst part was that he was right. By making Beca choose, Jesse had not only alienated his wife, he managed to alienate everyone who loved her.

Finally breaking the deafening silence, "So… how was the appointment?" Donald asked curiously.

"Oh… well, uh… we're having a baby girl."

"A baby girl! That's awesome news… congrats dude!"

"Thanks man." Jesse said with a smile. "But what about Beca? What do I do?"

"I've probably already said too much and you're probably not gonna want to hear this, but she needs time… and space."

"How much time?"

"As much as she feels like she needs and unfortunately for you, you're just gonna have to wait it out."

Jesse put his cigarette out in the ashtray. "Will she ever forgive me?"

"I don't know but I can tell you that your first mistake was making her choose."

"I know… but I didn't see any other way."

"And yet, you still aren't working on your problems. Last time we talked you told me that y'all haven't spoken two words to each other."

Reaching for the pack of Marlboro's on the table he said, "Today we did… but it wasn't good."

"Jesse, what did you expect? I told you from jump that I didn't think giving Beca an ultimatum was a good idea." Donald told him for what seemed like millionth time. "You can't ask her to cut everyone she loves out of her life and expect that she's going to sit around and be a smiling, happy housewife while you play the victim."

Jesse sighed. "I know, I know… but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do."

"Dude… making her choose was _never_ the right thing to do. If you want to make things right with your wife, you'll contact her family and friends… sooner rather than later."

"Even Luke?" Jesse asked lighting another cigarette.

"Yes… especially Luke." Donald told him. "Every single person you asked her to push away, helped mold her into the person _you_ fell in love with."

Jesse took a deep breath. "Ok, Ok… so, what do I do?"

"First, pull your head out of your ass then, I don't know… send her some flowers or something. Make dinner."

"That might work."

"Might work? I don't want to hear ' _might'_ … mites live on a chicken's ass!" Donald yelled.

Jesse chuckled. Only Donald could make him laugh at a time like this. "I'm not going to ask how you know that."

"Doesn't matter how I know. What matters is that I don't hear _you_ coming up with any ideas to win _your_ wife back."

"I've got a few ideas."

"Care to share?"

"Nah… but I'll let you know if they work."

"Sounds like a plan my man."

"Thanks… I appreciate it."

"Anytime… day or night. I'm here for you man." Donald reassured him. "You know what you have to do… now go, make me proud brother."

"I'm gonna try."

"Awesome!" Donald was all smiles. "Oh and Jesse…"

Jesse put another cigarette to his lips and lit it. "Yeah…"

"I know we're on the phone and I can't see you, but I can tell when you're smoking. I thought you said you were quitting."

"Am not-"

"-Not what? Smoking… or quitting?"

"Smoking."

"I'm calling bullshit dude. How many have you smoked today?"

"Shit!" Jesse said rubbing the back of his neck and exhaling as best as he could.

"How. Many?" Donald asked again.

"A pack and half."

"Fucking hell dude! It's only two o'clock in the afternoon and you've already smoked a pack and half! That's like 30 cigarettes!" Donald yelled. "Are you lighting them off of each other?!"

"No, but I'll cut back… I promise."

"You need to quit that shit. It's not helping your condition and you have a daughter to think about now." Donald admonished him.

"I know… I know."

"Well if ' _you know'_ then you damn well need to do something about it."

"I get it and I'll quit… I promise."

"Good!" Donald said in a very satisfied tone. "Look, I gotta run. I've given you a lot to think about. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to call, otherwise, I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow."

"Thanks dude. I'll be there." Jesse said before hanging up.

Jesse looked at the screensaver on his phone as the call ended. It was a picture of him and Beca on their wedding day. It was one of the happiest days of his life… or was it? He was so torn in that moment that he almost wanted to call Donald back. He knew Donald would tell him that it seemed as if he wanted the dangerous lifestyle more than he wanted Beca. In a way, he wanted four different types of cake and to be able to eat them all never having to choose one over the others but knew he couldn't have a sliver of each one. It was time to put his fork into one and one only.

Flipping through the apps on his phone, he opened his calendar and he realized that **A)** it was the anniversary of the night that he and Beca met and **B)** that Valentine's Day was only two weeks away. It was definitely time to take action and as he called the dogs to come inside, he collected his cigarettes and phone and went inside to make a plan.

 **o~O~o**

When Beca got back to the office after her appointment, with a sub sandwich and a large lemonade in hand, she sat down and started to check her emails. As hard as she tried, she just couldn't concentrate. Her emotions were at war with themselves. She was pissed that Jesse had the nerve to show his face at Dr. Kaiser's office but she was even more pissed at herself for losing her temper.

The on the other hand, she was beyond overjoyed that she finally knew the baby's gender. She wanted more than anything to call her mom and dad to share the happy news but she knew that she couldn't do that, not since making that stupid fucking promise to Jesse and for what? Absolutely nothing. He hadn't done anything to make things between them any better. Once again, she was doing everything while he sat around with his face jammed into the fucking phone that she paid for.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, she stood up stretched and walked over to the wall of windows. She watched as the people on the street below appeared to scurry about without a care in the world. A part of her wondered what that would be like. After finding out that she's carrying a baby girl, she should be over the moon happy, spreading the news like wildfire and shopping until her feet ached. Instead, she was hiding in her office like it was just another day.

She missed Luke. She knew it would only take one call or text to him, and he'd be there with his own lunch and it would be as if nothing had ever happened. She also knew he wouldn't tell Jesse that they had gotten together but to Beca, a promise was a promise and she'd know that she broke it. So, she was on her own to celebrate all things pink and sparkly.

Her mom, Maw Maw, Aunt Gail and Aubrey would go crazy if they knew a little Beca was on the way. Aubrey would start boxing up all the things that the twins had outgrown so that Beca could have them for her baby. And Amy would start bedazzling the ass end of pink velour jogging suits. She missed all of them. She missed Sunday brunch, family dinners, impromptu get-togethers and girl time… something she never thought she'd miss.

Rubbing her bump and sighing, she turned back toward her desk, she ultimately decided to research baby names. Now that she knew the baby was a girl, it would make choosing a name so much easier, especially since she was the only one at this point, that truly knew her daughter. As she sat fully immersed in the task at hand, she was startled by a sudden knock on her glass office wall. Looking up, she saw the largest, most obscene arrangement of baby pink roses she'd ever seen. Without another glance, she wrote something down as she waved the delivery guy into her office.

"Umm… I'm pretty sure those belong to someone else." Beca informed the delivery driver, turning back to her computer screen. "If you walk back out front, Lilly and Kimmy should be able to direct to you the rightful owner."

Taking the card from the arrangement, the driver said politely but with an urgent tone to his voice, "Mrs. Rebeca Swanson… same name that's on the door, unless there's two Rebeca Swanson's that work for Warner."

Beca shook her head. That couldn't be right. Who in the hell would be sending her flowers? She had alienated everyone that loved her and Jesse wouldn't send flowers because he was too wrapped up in himself. "No, that's me. I… umm… just put them over there." Beca said pointing to the credenza by the windows.

Placing the vase down carefully, "Do you want the card?" the driver asked.

"No, I'll look at it later."

"Ok, I just need a signature then I'll be out of your hair." Beca signed the delivery ticket and reached for her wallet to give the driver a tip. "Oh, thank you but no… the tip has already been taken care of."

"Thank you." Beca said to the driver's retreating form as she put her wallet back in her purse. Realizing she had been a little blunt, she called after his retreating form. "Have a nice day."

In an attempt to ignore the flowers, Beca returned to her attention to her computer screen. She continued to make her list of baby names but as hard as she tried, her eye kept being drawn to the flowers. Curiosity was starting to get the better of her and she found herself wondering if Dr. Kaiser had called her mom. She hadn't exactly told her that she couldn't tell her mom. So, perhaps the flowers were from her mom and dad.

There were so many roses packed into the vases that there was no room for any greenery or those silly little white filler flowers that got everywhere when they dried out. She wasn't sure she had seen so many roses in one place before. They were absolutely gorgeous and filled her office with the most wonderful aroma, not that weird greenhouse rose smell, it was actually a very pleasant and fresh rosey smell. She found herself drawn to the arrangement. Ready or not… it was time to solve the mystery of who sent the roses.

Beca took the card from where it was nestled in the bow around the vase. She didn't recognize the handwriting but that really wasn't unusual, most people ordered flowers over the phone or on the internet these days. Carefully opening the envelope, because she really did think that somehow the flowers were delivered to the wrong person, she removed the card.

" _ **I really want to make this work.  
Please forgive me… again.  
I love and miss you."  
~Jesse~**_

Without another thought, Beca put the card back in the envelope and tossed it in the top drawer of her desk. She had things to do and buying into Jesse's latest ' _I'm sorry'_ idea just wasn't one of them. With a huff, she grabbed a bottle of water and her cellphone, ignored the clearly expensive arrangement of flowers and headed toward the studio.

Beca worked later than she expected to. By the time she looked up from the mixing boards, it was well after nine and even though she had been to the doctor, she had still managed to put in over fourteen hours for the day. She rubbed her neck and shoulders and stretched her back before she decided that she was done for the day. She turned everything off and left the studio, trying to ignore the low rumble in her belly that told her she was hungry. As she walked back to her office to collect her purse, she walked past Paco, one of the housekeepers.

"You're here late Beca… everything ok?"

"Oh, hi Paco…. I didn't see you there.' Beca said clearly startled. "I didn't expect to stay this late but I'm trying to finish up the tracks on Shawn Mendez's new album."

Beca really wanted to get home and take a nice long bath but her mother's words began to ring in her ears. ' _Always treat the housekeepers like you would treat the President of the company.'_

"I'm sure it'll be awesome." He told her. "You always work so hard."

"Thanks… so do you." Beca told him.

"Oh, I don't know about that." Paco said as he blushed. It was nice to know that someone noticed and appreciated his hard work. "So, Shawn Mendez is an artist here?"

"He is! We just got him from Island Records." Beca said excitedly. "You know of him?"

"My granddaughter, Valentina, talks about him non-stop. She _'loves'_ him." Paco rolled his eyes.

"Shawn will be here next week. I'll get him to autograph some stuff for your granddaughter." Beca said smiling. She loved being able to make others happy with what she considered small gestures. "He's going on tour soon, I'll make sure to get some backstage passes for Valentina."

"Oh, that's not necessary."

"Oh but it is… this office would be an absolute train wreck without you."

Paco blushed. Trying to change the subject he said, "Is it your anniversary already?"

"My anniversary?" Beca asked quite puzzled.

"I saw the beautiful roses in your office. I thought it might be your anniversary."

"Oh, no it's not my anniversary. I'm not sure why I got them." Beca lied. "You should take them to Lola."

Paco started to shake his head. "Oh no, Beca. I couldn't bring your flowers to my wife."

"Paco, please take them. I don't need or want them." She said as she started to walk toward her office. "I'll leave them on Lilly's desk for you."

Beca wasn't taking no for an answer, hell… if she looked at her bank account, she'd probably find that she paid for the damn things anyway, so if she wanted to give them away, she was damn well gonna.

Paco was a good man, he worked hard to support his family and he deserved to take something nice home to his wife. Lola always sent homemade taquitos and tamales to the office. Beca always tried to pay Paco for them but he would never take the cash, so she would try to do sweet things for him. She would bring him homemade goodies or treat him to lunch every now and then.

"If you insist-"

"-I insist… please take the roses to Lola."

"Thank you Beca. I will. It's actually her birthday tomorrow so she'll be thrilled." Paco noticed that Beca's entire demeanor changed at the mention of the roses. He hadn't meant to upset her. "Please be careful getting home and have a nice night."

"You too Paco. Please wish Lola a happy birthday for me." Beca said as she started to walk away. "See you tomorrow."

As promised, Beca moved the vase of roses to Lilly's desk for Paco then gathered her things to leave. When she got into the elevator, exhaustion suddenly set in. It was days like this one that made her wish that she had a driver. She could call Bernie but it was late and he had already gone home for the night and she didn't have the patience to wait for Uber.

Her feet hurt. The five inch heels she was wearing clearly weren't helping and she wondered how long it would be before she had to switch to flats. Beca shook her head, exited elevator and walked across the sky bridge to the parking garage, she had never been more happy to see her car then she was at that moment.

The drive home was long and silent. Beca couldn't get Jesse's words out of her head. " _Please forgive me… again"_. Would she survive ' _again'_? Could she survive it? Did she have it inside of herself to forgive him… ' _again'_? The truth was she was aching inside. She had given up everything, including her family and friends, to work on her marriage and Jesse, per usual, had done nothing but ignore her and she honestly couldn't say that she was surprised. She didn't know how much more she could take but knew her sole purpose now was to look after her unborn daughter.

When Beca pulled into the garage, she was relieved to be home but dreaded walking into the house at the same time. She hated feeling this way, her home was her sanctuary. She loved her home but she hated what waited on the other side of the door. Collecting, her purse and laptop bag she got out of the car and made her way inside.

The house was dark and she silently thanked God that Jesse had already gone to bed. It meant that she didn't have to deal with his questions about the doctor's appointment or the "forgive me" flowers which frankly she wished she had made the driver take back until she saw the look on Paco's face when he knew he could take them to his wife. As she made her way across the family room, she dropped her bags on the couch and called for Roxie and Jagger to follow her upstairs.

"Come on babies… let's go upstairs and settle in for the night."

Roxie and Jagger yawned and stretched before happily following Beca toward the stairs. As she turned toward the kitchen, intent on getting a light snack for dinner, she saw a flickering light from the dining room that caught her attention. When she glanced over she saw Jesse sitting at the table, with dinner for two waiting. She saw that he'd prepared a cold buffet style dinner, salad, sandwiches and fresh fruit. He'd lit two candles and laid out the linen tablecloth and napkins. Without a word, Beca looked away and walked up the stairs.

She saw the disappointment in Jesse's eyes but didn't care anymore and she hated that she felt that way. She would have loved nothing more than to enjoy a meal with her husband after a long day at work, but the gesture didn't feel sincere… it felt fake and forced.

She reached down and slowly pulled her heels off of her swollen feet then stripped off her clothes before tossing them in a hamper. Beca turned on the faucet in the tub and poured some bubble bath under the running water. As she stood upright waiting for the tub to fill, she walked over to the vanity to put her hair up and wash her face. Reaching over to turn on her ipod, she saw her reflection in the mirror and turned sideways before running her hand over her bump. The baby immediately started to move around as she recognized her mother's touch.

Beca stood quietly wondering what her daughter would be like. Would her hair be wavy and smooth like Beca's or coarse and curly like Jesse's? Would she have blue eyes or brown? Would she be short and petite like her mommy or tall like her father? Beca tried to refrain from saying 'Daddy' because so far, Jesse was a father, not a Daddy.

She shook her head. She needed to wash the day away and more importantly, she needed to be away from Jesse or thoughts of Jesse. Still… she found herself thinking of him but she simply didn't have the energy to deal with him or his shit. As she laid in the bath, she could hear Jesse banging around in the kitchen, presumably putting the uneaten food away while pitching a child sized fit. She was quietly glad he now knew how she felt on a daily basis when he never said thank you or showed any appreciation for anything she ever did for him.

It wasn't long before all was quiet for a few minutes, and then, there it was… the back door slammed shut. Jesse was going to smoke until his lungs were so full of nicotine and tar that he wouldn't be able to breathe properly. She wasn't sure why he even bothered with the breathing treatments the doctor ordered, as long as he was smoking the treatments weren't going to do a damn bit of good. She was getting tired of hearing him cough and hack and spit. It was beyond disgusting and as much as she missed him, and if she was honest, she really did miss him, she was glad that he wasn't kissing her or doing other things to her with that mouth.

Beca couldn't be bothered with it all anymore. If he didn't care about himself then she sure as hell wasn't going to give a good damn. She was going to chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sounds of James Bay coming through the speakers, as her body relaxed into the warm lavender water, allowing it to soothe her her sore, achy muscles and feet.

As much as she loved being pregnant, and she truly did, she didn't like that her hips and feet always seemed to hurt. She was always tired and sleep rarely, if ever, came to her. If she was honest, the lack of sleep was her own fault. She was constantly trying to make sure that she didn't roll over to touch Jesse in the middle of the night. She knew that she should just move into one of the other bedrooms but it was _her_ house, _her_ room and _her_ bed but somewhere deep down, she knew that having him close by was comforting.

Almost an hour later, Beca woke up feeling sufficiently pruned and noticed that the bubbles were all gone. She enjoyed the last of the water as it slowly drained before getting out of the tub and getting ready for bed. She had her routine down to an exact science… so did the puppies. The minute she got out the tub they were following her around the bathroom waiting for her to sit down so they could lick the lotion off of her legs before bounding their way to their beds under the window.

When Beca finally laid down, she took a deep breath and she wiggled in amongst the pillows before finding the sweet spot that brought the sandman her way. She had finally started to drift off when Jesse walked in the bedroom smelling like the bottom of an ashtray. The smell never used to bother her, but since finding out she was pregnant she just couldn't stomach it.

As she laid there pretending to sleep, she silently prayed that he was going to shower before getting into bed.

 **o~O~o**

Every day for the next two weeks, Jesse had flowers delivered to Beca at her office. The arrangements seemed to get bigger each day and always included song lyrics or a personal note from Jesse. Beca was unsure what was going on. Jesse had suddenly decided to take an interest in her again and she wasn't exactly sure how to feel about it.

Looking around her office, Beca began to wonder if Los Angeles was soon going to be experiencing a shortage of flowers. She did finally look at her online banking app and discovered that not one of the arrangements had been charged to her.

One point for Jesse.

Jesse also made sure to prepare healthy lunches and snacks for her to take to work. The amount of food he packed for a single day was enough to feed Beca as well as Lilly and Kimmy for a week. The softsided beach cooler was always packed full of fresh fruits and veggies as well as foods that were high in calcium and protein.

As much as Beca hated to admit it, the gesture was nice. It meant that she didn't have to go down to the commissary on the first floor and that there was always something to eat within arms reach. The flowers on the other hand, were way out of hand. Her office was beginning to look like a funeral home and one of the arrangements was making her sneeze and her nose itch. Everything that he was doing was throwing her off and while she really didn't know what his hook was, she decided to go along with it because she just didn't have the energy to fight it.

Every evening Beca would walk in the house, put the cooler on the kitchen counter and go upstairs for a bath. Jesse always made sure to check what she had eaten throughout the day and what, if anything was left over, mentally calculating approximately how many calories she had consumed for the day before repacking the cooler for the next day.

Beca didn't know that Jesse was keeping a spreadsheet and charting her daily caloric intake. What Jesse didn't know was that his data would never be accurate because Beca was sharing the food with Lilly and Kimmy.

While Beca and Jesse still weren't really on speaking terms, they had begun to at least say hello and goodbye as they walked in or out of the house. There were a couple of times when Jesse would pass her and intentionally brush against her in hopes that she would react but the only reaction he got was her stepping further off to the side to move out of his way. And once while she was staring out of the kitchen window and washing up a few dishes, he kissed her on the back of the head as he walked past. She didn't react to that either and wasn't really sure how she felt about it.

Jesse was starting to wonder if he would ever get through to her. He was trying everything he knew to make her happy, to bridge the gap and yet they weren't any closer to making up. He knew she wasn't sleeping well, if at all, and when she did sleep, he wasn't really sure that she was resting but he knew better than to say anything. Instead, when she was asleep, he would lay in bed watching her. Sure it was creepy, but she was beautiful, even without a stitch of makeup on and he was ready to admit to himself and the world that he missed his wife.

On the morning of Valentine's Day, Jesse crept quietly downstairs to prepare a special breakfast for Beca. He silently hoped that today would finally be the day that Beca broke her silence. He was ready to talk about everything that had happened and he hoped that she would be too.

Jesse took his time preparing a breakfast that he hoped Beca would truly enjoy. He plated the bacon, eggs, and homemade hash browns before reaching for a cup of yogurt and some fresh fruit fruits. After placing all of the food on the tray, he poured a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice and grabbed Beca's prenatal vitamins.

"Come on Jag… let's go wake mommy." He said as he carefully made his way upstairs. He tried not to make too much noise in case Beca was still asleep but Jagger thumped his way up the stairs. "Geez… no secrets with you around… ya lummox."

When he walked in the room, Roxie was on the bed licking Beca's face.

"Rox! Down, now!" He said through clenched teeth.

Beca rolled over. "She's fine."

Beca spoke… to him. That was definitely a welcomed surprise. Maybe today would be a good day after all.

"I made breakfast." He said shooing Roxie off the bed before putting the tray on the bed as Beca sat up.

Beca's eyes got big as she took a deep breath. "Thanks." She said excitedly as she dug in.

Jesse smiled as he pulled a couple of bones out of this back pocket for the dogs. He tossed them toward their beds before he laid on the bed next to Beca. She was eating, which was a plus. He watched as she checked emails and read the news on her ipad while eating.

Jesse suddenly had a good feeling about the day. He didn't want to appear over excited but inwardly, he was jumping up and down like a small child. He leaned over and kissed Beca's cheek before walking into the bathroom to run a bath for her.

Beca didn't know what to do about this new Jesse. He had gone from going out of his way to ignore her to being completely and totally checked in and aware of everything she was doing. There had been several nights when she woke up from her rare naps to find Jesse watching her. Luckily, he didn't know that she knew that he was watching her. While some people might think it was weird, knowing that he was keeping an eye on her was strangely comforting.

After eating breakfast, Jesse took the tray and told Beca that he had a warm lavender bath ready for her. Feeling a little apprehensive, Beca wondered, who was this man and what did he do with her husband?

Once in the bathroom, Jesse double checked the temperature of the water while Beca washed her face, then undressed and brushed her teeth.

As Beca approached the side of the tub, took Jesse's offered hand and stepped into the tub. As she laid back she asked, "Jesse… what's this all about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lunch every day, flowers, breakfast in bed… what's it all mean?"

Jesse took a deep breath and carefully searched for the right words. He kneeled next to the tub and dipped his hand into the water, pouring the water that collected in his hand over Beca's bump. He hadn't really touched her in months and as much as he ached to do it, he knew that he didn't have the right to. This was the best he could hope for. "I'm sorry… for all of it. Everything… all of it. I don't know what I was thinking. I know now that I should have just spoken to you about it instead of trying to handle it on my own."

"You know… it's going to take more than some food and flowers to make up for everything that's happened."

"I know… but I'm really hoping that with time you'll learn to love and trust me again."

Beca sighed. "Jesse, I've always loved you, but I have to admit, over the last few months, I haven't liked you very much at all. As far as trust… well… that's going to take some time. I not ready to trust you again."

"I understand."

"Look… a lot has happened. Let's concentrate on making things better from here on out." Beca said rubbing her bump. "This baby girl is going to be here before we know it. We need to get our shit straight before then."

She was right. Time was ticking. There wasn't much time before the baby would be there with them. They needed to work on things now, before she came. She didn't ask to be here and she certainly didn't deserve to come into a dysfunctional home.

"Do you think we'd be like this if Bodhi was here?"

"No, I don't think so." She said without hesitation. "If he was here, you wouldn't have tried to drink yourself to death."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that."

"Are you?"

Jesse sighed. "Yes, I am. It was a stupid thing to do. And what's worse is that you found me like that."

"No, what's worse is what if I hadn't found you in time?"

"I don't want to think about that."

"Jesse… why? Why did you do it?"

"Because… you were in control. You made everything seem ok when, in fact, it wasn't ok. It isn't ok."

"I wasn't in control. I was falling apart. I felt like my insides had been ripped out of me." Beca admitted. "I went from being pregnant, from a place of so much promise to a place of emptiness. I had a baby but there was nothing tangible to love. He was gone and I needed you but you were so wrapped up in yourself that you didn't even notice. I needed you to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be ok. Instead, you tried to drown yourself in the contents of a bottle."

"I know… and for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I wasn't able to see past my hatred for what happened."

"I've been alone Jesse… _all_ alone. You have an outlet. You can call and talk to Donald… anytime day or night. Who do I have to talk to?" Beca questioned. "You made me choose and in doing so, I cut everyone I love and care for out of my life."

Jesse felt extremely guilty. He had asked her to choose and now she didn't have anyone to vent her frustrations to. It wasn't any wonder why she had been so standoffish. Yet, he still couldn't make himself tell her to call her parents, Amy, Aubrey or even Luke. After everything, he was still being extremely selfish.

"Look… this baby girl is a fresh start, a new beginning for all of us. She deserves the world. She deserves two loving parents and a happy home."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

"I think I'm already starting to but please, don't make me rush." Beca begged. "You've had your time, now I need mine."

"I won't… I promise." Jesse told her. He suddenly had an idea. "Do you have any plans today?"

Beca shook her head. "No, I don't think so. Why?"

"I'd like to take my wife out on a date."

"That sounds nice." Beca smiled.

"Where would you like to go?"

"You pick." Jesse grinned. He knew what he wanted to do. "Can you be ready in a couple of hours?"

Beca laid her head back and closed her eyes. "Mmm hmm."

Jesse took in the sight of Beca's naked form, a sight he couldn't get enough yet hadn't seen in months. He watched as her hands gently and lovingly rubbed her bump. Without a second thought, he reached over and touched her belly. Her body stiffened but relaxed just as quickly and surprisingly, she didn't push him away.

Beca was a little taken aback when Jesse placed his hand on her belly. Back when things were going well, she wouldn't have questioned it and while she welcomed his touch she knew there

For several moments, they were back to the way things were. Jesse enjoyed the feel of Beca's skin on his and the way their daughter moved rhythmically beneath his hand. He wondered if the baby knew his touch or if she was reacting to Beca's. He couldn't blame her if she didn't know the difference, especially since he hadn't been around.

Beca sighed contentedly. "Jess…"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"The last couple of weeks have been nice."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah… the packed lunches, the flowers, dinner-"

Jesse chuckled. "You never even ate dinner… not once and I cooked every night."

"I know… and I'm sorry."

"No big deal… I guess."

"It is a big deal… I never thanked you."

"You don't have to. I'm the one that owes you a shit ton of apologies."

"Jesse… everything you did, it was all appreciated, I promise but-"

"-But what?"

"I'll go on a date with you but not having sex with you." Beca mumbled, never opening her eyes. She knew if she did that she would lose her will and she couldn't let that happen.

Jesse shook his head. He had hoped that she would cave but he also didn't blame her for being cautious when it came to him. He let out the breath he'd been holding. "Ok."

"Jess… I love you but I still don't trust you and until I do, I don't intend on falling into bed with you."

Jesse smirked. "Well… there's always the couch."

"No Jesse… just… no."

"Sex can't fix it this time."

"Ok…" Jesse said slightly deflated. "I'll leave you to it. Let me know when you're ready to go."

"I'll be down shortly."

"Take your time… no rush."

 **o~O~o**

Beca didn't rush. She actually found herself dragging her feet to get ready. This was welcomed surprise but it definitely wasn't how she saw her day playing out. She never in her wildest dreams imagined that she and Jesse would have a long talk or that he would be taking her out for the day.

She was nervous… really nervous.

What did Jesse have up his sleeve and more importantly, should she trust him?

What Beca knew for sure was that she was tired of fighting with Jesse. She was tired of living the way they had been. But most importantly, she was tired of being alone.

She made sure her hair and makeup were perfect, the hardest part was deciding what to wear. Jesse hadn't given her any idea where they were going or how she should dress. So after standing in her closet for nearly twenty minutes she finally decided that casual was the way to go. After all, Jesse rarely, if ever, dressed up and if by some chance he was dressed up then she could change before they left.

Selecting a plain light grey v-neck t-shirt and a pair of dark wash maternity jeans Beca got dressed before slipping her feet into her favorite pair of chucks. Giving herself a once over, she made a mental note to make an appointment with Craig to get her hair trimmed. Her hair had gotten very long, when it was wet, it was all the way down to her waist which was a little too long to be considered manageable. The layers were starting to grow out and the weight of her hair was becoming a nuisance.

Grabbing a ponytail holder, Beca put it around her wrist before putting her perfume and lip gloss on. "Alright baby girl…" Beca said patting her bump. "Maybe we can get some shopping done today and eventually decorate your room. Let's go."

Beca started down the stairs and was welcomed by Jagger and Roxie as well as a "Wow!" from Jesse.

"You ready?" She asked.

"Yep!" Jesse responded taking her hand. "Let's go!"

Beca glanced at their hands. They still fit together like puzzle pieces. She'd missed feeling his hand in hers. "Sooo… where are we going?"

Jesse smiled. "It's a surprise!"

* * *

 **A/N: Well... what did you think? What does Jesse have up his sleeve? Will Beca be surprised or will she be disappointed yet again? Let me know your thoughts.**


	37. Chapter 36: Frustrations and Forgiveness

**Author's Note: I am SO sorry for the huge gaps in posting chapters. I'm going to try to do better in the coming weeks & months. I'm very excited for all of you to see where this story is going & to finally, after almost two years, give you the answers to all of the mysteries that are woven into Killing Me Softly.**

 **Corinne, Thank you SO much for always seeing the best in me & for continuing to encourage me to write stories that followers love to read. Thank you for polishing Luke and his Britishness... KMS wouldn't be the same with out him and it would be nothing without you. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Chapter 36  
Frustrations and Forgiveness  
o~O~o**

' _Shit!_ ' I cursed inwardly as I dropped my favorite mug on the kitchen floor. I may have said that a couple of times out loud as well as I watched my just brewed beverage seep into the cracks and quickly spread all over the black and white checkered pattern tiles.

I crouched down and began to collect the broken bits of pottery that littered the floor, muttering something Britishy and unrepeatable under my breath as I reached for the dustpan and brush that I'd not bothered to put back into the cupboard a few days earlier. I'd woken in a bad mood and hadn't been able to shake it off all morning. I had hoped my usual home remedy of a refreshing brew of English Breakfast Tea and a generous handful of digestive biscuits would sort me out but after smashing my Union Flag mug, the one Beca had brought for me, my mood only darkened. I had contemplated calling in sick but I texted Flo instead to let her know that I would be working from home. I wanted to be busy but didn't want to interact with people. I smiled weakly at my own ' _Beca Mitchell'_ moment.

As I collected the last pieces of the smashed crockery, I felt a tinge of sadness over my mug. Seeing it splintered to smithereens on the floor reminded me a little of my shattered friendship with Beca. I had had it for so long, I didn't quite know what to do without it. I could live without a mug, after all, things were replaceable but I wasn't sure I could live without my best friend. And I know that is rather unmanly to say, but she is... was my reason for enjoying life.

I wanted to try harder at work to make her jealous so she'd up her game and tease me for being second best. It made us both work that little bit harder. I learned how to cook so I could give her a welcomed night off. I know my food was horrid but I liked trying to better myself for her. I thought of cool, fun projects that we could do together; visiting a fancy art project or water skiing but somehow her ideas were always more fun.

I couldn't decide if I was mad at her over losing almost twenty years of friendship, or furious at _him_ for making her choose between our amazing friendship or their sex life. The only thing that had raised my mood a little since then had been when Amy had blurted out that the only thing he had going for him was a large penis. I, of course, did not question how she knew this information, deciding instead to keep my stiff upper lip and just smirked.

Was I jealous of Jesse? If I'm being honest… yes and no. As I tossed what was left of my mug into the garbage bin in the kitchen, I tried to question that in my own mind. I wasn't envious of him; he'd had a hard life but I felt he'd thrown a fantastic opportunity away at the same time. He got to spend time with Beca where I couldn't but she still came to me when she had a dilemma, or she used to. I couldn't be sure that she approached me first, but I often felt as if she gauged my opinion before his.

Dropping a couple of tea towels onto the floor, I swirled them over the liquid in an attempt to half heartedly clear up but with my current disposition, I couldn't be bothered to care. I had developed quite the headache so I decided to forget the tea and I pulled on my stupidly large fridge handle to open the door so I could grab a beer. It was just after noon, but this was my bad mood and I'd nurse it how I liked.

Slamming the door, I cursed the fridge for being too big for the kitchen but in that precise moment, I was just mad at Beca because she was the one who had chosen it for me when I first moved into my condo. I had wanted to get a sensible under the counter refrigerator but she had insisted on coming appliance shopping with me and talked me into the double fronted hulk of a stainless steel fridge freezer which overtook the kitchen. I wasn't sure if I was mad at the appliance or at Beca because it was her idea. It hadn't bothered me three months before hand so I took the chance that it was her that I was mad at.

Taking my frosty bottle and my collection of English biscuits, I headed into my living room and caught my foot on the curled up corner of the rug that Beca had bought for me as a housewarming gift, dropping two precious biscuits in the process. Cursing something that would make my mother blush, I took my place back on my sofa and set down my bottle of beer, deciding it was just safer to stay put and not interact with anything other than my remote controls. Pulling my laptop into my lap, I surveyed a few emails that I still had yet to answer and made a couple of mental notes to ask Flo, my slightly eccentric assistant, to deal with some minor details of a forthcoming trip I was due to take in a few weeks.

I was used to going on business trips, I actually quite liked them, but this one just saddened me. I was heading back to my homeland for a few days and had already called my grandparents to arrange a visit with them while I'm there. I was very much looking forward to seeing them but a dark cloud covered the experience for me. I had always promised Beca that I would take her to London the next time I went and she'd made me promise that I wouldn't take anybody there until she'd been.

Did that pledge even matter anymore?

I halfheartedly clicked through a few more emails but realized I wasn't getting on with clearing my work. I couldn't seem to concentrate on much these days and I tried so hard to ignore the real reason why.

I collected my phone from the gap in between my sofa cushions and swiped the screen, wishing for the hundredth time that I had changed the picture on my lock screen. It was one of Beca and I from my birthday a couple of years ago. Taken in a time when we had no worries. Taken in a time when we had each other's backs. Taken in a time when either of us would be free if the other one called. Taken in a time before Jesse arrived and ruined it all.

I wanted to hate him.

But there was always this very annoying little voice in my head reminding me that he wasn't all bad, he'd had a rough start in life and seemingly loved Beca, in a weird, twisted kind of way. I'm sure he did but I felt he had a funny way of showing it. She deserved the world and, to me, she wasn't being given it.

Urgh, I hated the way my mind always came back them both. But as my thumb continued running over the screen, I looked down to see that I was stroking the face of my best friend and that raised a question in my own head. Was she still any sort of friend to me? Had her decision to choose Jesse over her family, friend's and dammit, me as well, mean that that was it?

I decided that too many questions was making my headache worse and took a healthy slug of my beer. I sat stock still for a good hour as I mentally tried to brace myself for the fact that I'd lost a part of me that could never be replaced. I leaned back into the sofa and thought back to a time when Beca and I were seventeen and planning what to do with the rest of our lives.

 **o~O~o  
Flashback  
o~O~o**

" _So, it's definitely college then?" Beca had said, leaning back against my bed as we sat on the floor of my bedroom._

" _Definitely college." I had repeated. "Gran wants me to study English but I'm never going to get far doing that. I don't want to teach or become a writer so it's not worth four years of my life."_

" _What d'ya wanna do then dude?"_

" _Music. Plain and simple. After my knee injury, sports is out of the question."_

" _No, sports is out because you spend all your spare time playing that weird piddle pinky game."_

" _You mean tiddlywinks?" I had laughed at her and threw a pen in her direction. "I'm going to look into getting an internship too. Try and get ahead."_

" _Sounds like a good idea."_

" _You should do it too."_

" _You think the parental units would let us room together if we got into UCLA?"_

" _Doubtful." I had replied. "Not sure if it's co-ed."_

 _Beca had sighed and stretched out her legs, before reaching for my bottle of Dr Pepper and finishing it off. I didn't mind, as long as she was happy, I was too. It was all I ever wanted._

" _Do you think we'll still be doing this in fifty years?" Beca had asked, pulling her hair out of her pony tail and shaking it all around her shoulders._

" _What?"_

" _This."_

" _What?" I had asked again._

" _Sitting round in our pj's, watching crappy TV and still trying to figure out what we are doing with the future."_

" _I don't have any other plans, do you?"_

 _Beca shuffled a little closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder. Instinctively, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her closer to me. She intertwined our fingers together. "You and me... we're always gonna be friends."_

" _I hope so. I'd be gobsmacked if we hit our thirties and weren't hanging out in a bar somewhere having a right old knees up."_

" _And that, right there, is why you'll never find anyone like me."_

" _Well yes, no one else would put up with your heathen ways."_

" _Oh fuck off! No one else on the planet understands the way you talk."_

" _That's because I'm the mutts nuts." I grinned. She could never quite fathom all of my English expressions._

" _Dude, you are SO weird."_

" _Yep. And that is what is going to keep us going. That and the fact that you can cook. You are welcome to come over and cook for me every day by the way. And in return, I'll reach for all of the items that are on the top shelves. Or perhaps help you build a hobbit house."_

 _That remark earned a playful, but painful, slap on the leg._

" _Jerk!" She said through gritted teeth._

" _Twit."_

" _Asshat."_

" _Plonker."_

" _Cocksucker."_

" _Wanker." I replied, knowing that always made her giggle._

" _Nah, I can't imagine anything coming in between us." Beca smirked. "After all, you are the ultimate... wait for it... knob jockey!"_

 _I laughed. Loudly. "Where on earth did you hear that?!"_

" _I overheard Jake a few weeks ago."_

" _Don't let my Mum hear you say that."_

" _I won't! Hey, you think we need to get back to these forms?"_

" _Yes. I think I should include a summary sheet on mine, asking that in no circumstances should I get placed in any classes with you. I should write a full disposition about you and send it in anonymously."_

" _Oh, right, like that would work!" Beca giggled. "No one knows me as well as you do. They'd know it was you."_

" _Do you mean that?"_

" _What?"_

" _About me knowing you."_

 _That last comment had Beca sit up and turn to look at me in surprise. "Dude, you're being weird again. You're my best friend. Completely. There's a piece of my heart that is just for you."_

" _Then make a promise to me right now and-"_

" _-You and your promises!"_

" _I know! But this one is the biggest I've asked you to make."_

" _Ok, shoot."_

" _We never ever let anyone or anything come between us… ever. No job becomes bigger than our friendship. No future relationship stops us from hanging out. Any literal distance between us doesn't keep us from talking."_

" _I promise you Luke. We'll always be friends."_

" _Pinky promise?" I said, holding out my little finger to her. There was nothing more I wanted than to have this girl in my life forever._

" _Yeah, pinky shit to you." She replied, taking my finger in hers. She nestled back against my shoulder but I could feel her grinning as she picked up the college forms that lay by her side._

 _In that moment, I truly believed her._

 **o~O~o  
Present  
o~O~o**

The sound of my phone vibrating on the sofa next to me pulled me out of my reverie. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone so I didn't even look to see who it was. It stopped ringing after a minute or so and I decided to head to bed and sleep off my headache. It was the only way I could see to get me through the rest of the day and I wasn't going to get any work done in the current mood I was in. I knew I could put in some extra hours over the weekend. It wasn't as though I had anything else to do.

Leaving everything but my phone strewn around my living room, I headed to my bedroom and some kind of way, I managed to catch my sleeve on the door handle. Cursing loudly, and trying to understand why things like that happened, I slammed the door behind me.

"Yes, that showed you!" I yelled. Turning sharply, I then walked into the side of my bed, stubbing my little toe in the process. "Oh, for fucks sake!"

I was really having a bad day so instead of kicking my bedpost and hurting myself even more, I pulled back the covers and ignored the throbbing in my foot. Usually, I'd have messaged Beca or even sent her a picture of any injury that I had. She would reply quickly, usually mocking me for my stupidity. Somehow, that always made me feel better. I wondered if a trip to see my folks would help but I didn't think I could handle the interrogation over what was going on with Beca.

As I pulled the duvet over my head, I recalled the last conversation I had with Will and Anne. I had done a sneaky drive by Beca's house. It was easy to get past the security at the gated entrance as they all knew me by sight. I'd driven up to the house, parked a couple of hundred yards away, and walked back past her home. The lights had been on in the kitchen and I could easily see her moving around in there, making dinner. She looked happy and that was all I could report back to her family.

I was debating whether to take a sleeping pill to help take the edge off when my phone began to ring again. It wasn't really my nature to ignore people so I reached out a hand to collect my mobile from my bedside table. I was genuinely surprised to see whom the caller was and I sat up sharply in bed, panic flooding my system.

It was Jesse.

 **o~O~o  
Three Days Later  
o~O~o**

"So, um, how's work?" Beca asked, pushing some weird purple salad garnish around on her plate. I was quietly enjoying the fact that she felt as uncomfortable as me. That feeling quickly passed to allow a tinge of sadness to filter over me. We'd always promised to be friends, no matter what and even when we weren't agreeing on everything, we always managed to find something to talk about. We hadn't spoken in over three months and this awkwardness was killing me.

"It's ok." I replied, wondering why I'd ordered the soup to start with. I should have taken Beca's lead on what to have, as her salad looked so much better than my soup. She always chose wisely and I always ended up with food envy. She'd ordered a salad and even though she wasn't tucking in with gusto like she usually did, it looks nice. Plus, I was less likely to drop that down my shirt.

"Just ok?" Beca pressed.

"Yeah, you know."

"No, I don't. Kinda need you to open up a little bit."

"Lost a couple, gained a couple. You know how it is." I hated the way I sounded and I couldn't even look her in the eye. I was desperate to tell her about the biggest signing of my career to date but at the same time, I didn't want Jesse to know.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Beca replied, forking a mouthful of shrimp salad. A slightly uncomfortable silence fell over the table as we all looked down to our plates to eat. I sighed hard, knowing they were both waiting for me to make the first move. Was I prepared to swallow down my English Pride and be the bigger person?

I was still running Jesse's phone call over in my mind as I finished up my broth, inwardly congratulating the chef on making the tomato basil soup taste pretty good. I resisted the urge to run my leftover bread around the bottom of the bowl and realized that twelve weeks ago, Beca would have been sticking her fingers in my food, tasting and enjoying it with me as she pushed something off of her plate into my mouth, whether I wanted it or not.

That thought actually caused a hard lump to form in my throat.

It was the same one I felt when I got Jesse's phone call a few days ago. The trepidation I felt when I saw it was him calling had me scrambling to answer the phone as quickly as I could. There could only be one reason why Jesse was calling me and that was because something was wrong with Beca. I had taken three hard, long breaths before speaking.

 **o~O~o  
Flashback  
o~O~o**

" _This is Luke."_

" _Um, hi, um, Luke, this is um, Jesse."_

 _I resisted the urge to mention Caller ID. "Hello." I said bluntly._

" _Look, um, I know I'm the last, um, person you um, want to speak to, um, right now but-"_

" _-What do you want Jesse?" I was slightly calmer now he hadn't started with telling me that Beca was in hospital as his opening line._

" _I fucked up Luke."_

" _Tell me something I don't know.' I thought. Instead, I said, "What have you done now?"_

" _I've hurt Beca."_

" _You've done what?" I yelled, imaging him striking her with his fists or something equally appalling._

" _I've hurt Beca. I made her choose between um, well, um, me and her family."_

" _Is she ok?" I asked, a little calmer._

" _What do you mean?"_

" _Well, you say the word 'hurt' and I hear-"_

" _-Oh! No! Luke, I wouldn't touch Beca like that."_

" _You'd better not have."_

" _You think she'd let me anyway." Jesse said and I could almost hear the sonofabitch smiling as he said it. "She's tiny but she can handle herself."_

 _That I could agree on._

" _Carry on with what you were saying." I said. Jesse cleared his throat before continuing._

" _Well, I've made a mistake. I fucked up and I admit that now. I've watched my wife transform from a happy, healthy, beautiful woman to someone who's withdrawn and lonely. And that's, um, that's because of me. I thought if we hid against the world and just be the two of us, it would make things better."_

" _And it's not working too well for you, is it?"_

" _No."_

" _Beca's like a flower." I said, resisting the urge to call him a wanker. "She's no good being cooped up or not looked after. She needs sunlight and water and she gets that from friend's and family." I wanted to add, 'especially me', after that but I bit my tongue._

" _I was messed up. I completely lost my way and I know that now."_

" _So, why are you calling me?"_

" _I had to start somewhere. I knew you wouldn't hang up on me."_

" _Don't be so sure." I growled._

" _Yeah, ok. Um, look, I've got some making up to do. I've done a lot to forgive and I know it's going to take time."_

" _I won't disagree there."_

" _She misses you Luke."_

 _I closed my eyes as he said those words. I missed her too. I could feel my anger begin to subside as the resentment against her began to lessen._

" _Why Jesse?"_

" _Why what?"_

" _Why did you ask her to choose?"_

" _It's no secret that we don't see eye to eye." Jesse explained. "I've always been compared to you. She doesn't make a big deal out of it but I know, whenever I fuck up, she gets a look in her eye that tells me she's thinking to herself that you wouldn't do the same thing. It's a little bit like disappointment."_

" _Go on." I said, quietly enjoying this._

" _It's hard being compared to you."_

" _And?"_

 _Jesse sighed. "I'm jealous of what you have with Beca."_

" _Ever thought about not ballsing your life up? Not trying too hard? Don't you see what life has given you? Beca chose you. Out of everyone in her life and the people that have crossed her path, she picked you as her companion."_

" _I know."_

" _But do you Jesse? Time after time, you've let her down. She's offered you everything that she's got, welcomed you into her home, supported you through your many addictions, helped you with employment, got your band out into the mainstream and I can tell you from experience that that is not easy for an unknown. You have the potential to go far and that's all down to her calling in every single favor she's ever been owed."_

" _I know."_

" _So..." I waited for him to embellish a bit more._

" _I'm not just jealous of your friendship. I'm jealous of you."_

" _Why jealous of me?"_

" _You have her history."_

" _And you have her future." I said simply. 'You don't deserve it but you've got it.' I thought. "History can be shared and added to but you've created life with Beca. I've not done that, have I? So that's a point in your favor, isn't it?"_

" _Yes, I guess so."_

" _Let me ask you this Jesse. Would you be jealous and insecure of what Beca and I have if her best friend was a female?"_

" _I've thought about that and I'm not sure. Although I will say one thing... if it was a choice between you and Amy, I'd rather it be you each time. At least she's safe around you."_

 _I chuckled. "That's the first thing you've said that we've agreed on."_

 _Jesse also laughed and I could almost hear him relax down the phone. He sighed a couple of times. "I'm trying to make amends Luke. I've got a long way to go but I can only do so much at once. Would you be free for a lunch with us both on the 14th?"_

" _Valentine's Day?"_

" _Yes. I can't think of a better gift than to give her back her friend's and family."_

 _I was still annoyed at Beca for agreeing to Jesse's insane demands but a thought flashed through my mind that she was carrying his baby and was probably doing all she could to keep this little one safe. Even if it meant cocooning herself away from the world._

" _Luke?"_

" _Yes, sorry. I'll be available. Where are you thinking?"_

" _Angelini Osteria on Beverly Boulevard."_

" _Pricey." I said and a mean thought flooded my brain. "Is she expected to pay-"_

" _-No, this is on me. Shall we say 1:30pm?"_

" _That's fine."_

" _I'd like it be a surprise, if that's ok?"_

 _I was surprised at his request but agreed nonetheless. "Yes, that's fine."_

" _Thanks Luke."_

" _Anything else?" I asked._

" _No, I've got to go. I've um, got a few, um, phone calls to make so I'd better go."_

" _Amy and Aubrey will be easy. Start with Will and Anne first."_

" _I was hoping to leave them until last."_

" _Trust me... once Amy knows, she'll be straight on the blower to her parents. If you want to stand any sort of chance of reconciling a relationship with them, make sure you call Anne before anyone else."_

" _Thanks for the heads up."_

" _Oh, and Jesse?"_

" _Good luck." I said and hung up the phone. I didn't want to exchange pleasantries with him before hanging up. I didn't care if that upset him._

 **o~O~o  
Present  
o~O~o**

I sighed heartily.

I pulled the napkin from my lap and dabbed at the corners of my mouth, aware that the action made me look like a pompous twat. I knew it was down to me to make the move here. Jesse had been good enough to make the arrangements at Angelini Osteria and Beca was trying to make small talk to break up the, frankly, bloody uncomfortable long silences.

I waited for Beca to place her cutlery on her plate and wipe her fingers on the tablecloths rather than her linen napkin; one of those quirky habits of hers that I never quite fathomed out. She shot a nervous glance at Jesse and reached for her glass of water. None of us had ordered anything alcoholic; Beca couldn't and even I wouldn't do that to Jesse.

As she and her husband exchanged glances, I looked at Beca properly and noticed just how beautiful she looked in that moment. Pregnancy really seemed to agree with her. She seemed tired but knowing her, she was working long hours and probably doing too much at home. I wanted to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear for her. I wanted to giver her a friendly punch her on the arm, anything to break the awkwardness. I sighed again.

"So..." I began and they both snapped their heads around to look at me. "... you want to know who I signed from XL Records last month?"

Watching Beca's shoulders relax made me feel better.

"Of course." She said, turning her full attention to me. I ignored Jesse and spoke just to her.

"Remember when we were finishing up college and in our final year interning and we took that trip to San Francisco and happened upon that benefit concert." I paused and Beca nodded, squinting as she remembered the time I was talking about. "And we got chatting to that slightly odd woman who you couldn't decide if it was a man or a woman?"

"Yeah?" Beca's interest was piqued. "Wait, wasn't that... I thought Universal signed her ages ago." She cast her eyes towards Jesse whose face remained impassive. "Luke's talking about Lady Gaga."

"Oh. Nice." Jesse said. "She's-"

"-Not her Becs! But do you remember who was in the audience and quite the fan?"

Beca thought for a moment and as it dawned on her who I was talking about, her eyes widened and she sat up in her chair. "No! You didn't?"

"I did!"

"How did you?"

"I worked the charm of course!" I laughed, nodding to the server as he came to collect our empty entree plates.

"Dude, if _you_ worked the charm, you might just have been lucky to sign Juan Gabriel at best."

"Oh, he signed three months ago so..."

"I can't believe you got _her_."

"Believe it!" I said, smiling.

"What did you have to offer to get her to leave XL?"

"I had to promise to be her boy slave for a year?"

"Jeez, she got the raw end of that deal, didn't she?" Beca said, mocking me as she gently winked at the same time.

"I think the English accent helped."

"Oh, you mean, the both of you understood each other with your weird words."

"Absolutely."

"She's like gold. I didn't know she was looking to leave."

"She wasn't. She was just stuck at XL and didn't realize. I told her to get a new manager and get another couple of albums out before she hit twenty five."

"And she listened to you? Wow, that _is_ some Donovan charm you turned on."

"Maybe the sixty million dollars she was offered helped?"

"Fuck! Cynthia Rose must have been weeping in her sleep over that."

"She told me to go to seventy five."

"I need to talk to Sawyer about our budget!" Beca laughed and it was like music to my ears.

"And, I got Coldplay a spot singing with Beyonce and Bruno Mars at the Superbowl next year."

"Luke! You've certainly been busy!"

"Yeah, well, I had a lot of time on my hands lately." I muttered, instantly regretting what I said as soon as the words left my mouth.

"I guess so." Beca said, the mood broken as she looked down at her hands.

I decided to carry on. "She's coming in to do some publicity shots next week. You should stop by and meet her."

"Oh my stars. I'd love to! I have to say, she's pretty cool and so talented."

"I know!" I said. "I've been bursting to tell someone."

"You should have call..." Beca trailed off and shot a look over to Jesse who hadn't uttered a word during our exchange.

"We had to keep it quiet while contracts were sorted." I said but I knew that hadn't stopped us in the past. Despite working for rival recording companies, we still supported each other, shared our successes and offered advice when needed.

"Well, I'm still jealous. I'd have given my right arm to have signed her."

Jesse coughed politely. "Who did you sign Luke?" He asked me.

"Adele. Not your scene, I'd imagine." I replied, watching as Jesse's eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

"Wow, that's fantastic." He said. But the conversation seemed done so I just nodded politely towards him. A slightly more comfortable silence fell over us just as the server reappeared with our main courses.

"Thank you." I said as a dish of lamb chops was laid in front of me. I could see out of the corner of my eye Beca not so subtly eyeing up a large piece of lamb which I knew I would lose in under a minute. Relishing the need to get things back to normal, I turned the plate a little to the left to give her better access.

"So Jesse's band, The Riff, is doing well on the charts." Beca said, collecting her fork and swapping it over in her hands to get nearer to my dish.

"Cool." I said and forked a piece of broccoli.

"We're hoping to get back into the studio and get another album completed before this little one arrives." Jesse said, laying a hand on Beca's belly. Someone else might not have noticed that she stiffened when he touched her but I did.

"Nice." I said and made a mental note to ask about the baby later on.

"He's been working really hard." Beca said but I knew she was lying.

"I'm sure." Internally I was telling myself to stop it but I couldn't help myself.

"How's your meal Jess?" Beca asked Jesse, trying to bring him into the conversation.

"It's nice, full of flavor. How's yours?"

"It's good."

"It's good, but you're still eyeing up my food, aren't you?" I smirked.

"Dude, you _know_ I'm going to be stealing some of it."

"That's why I went for a large portion." I said, smiling at her. "I know you too well." I watched as Jesse squirmed in his seat a bit but I didn't really care about his feelings. Beca grinned back at me as she stealthily prodded her fork in my dinner. I'd never been so happy to share my food before.

"What?" She said as she saw me grinning at her. "I'm allowed. I'm eating for two now!"

"How is everything?" I asked carefully.

"Everything is ok. My back aches a lot, my ankles look like bowling balls and my face looks like a water balloon but aside from that, it's good." I raised an eyebrow in her direction as I looked up from my food. She caught the look and nodded slowly. "Dr. Kaiser is monitoring me more regularly than last time. She said that I'm textbook and there's nothing to indicate the same thing happening again."

"I'm really, really glad to hear that." I said sincerely.

"Our little girl is a tough cookie."

"A girl?" I asked. I felt color flood onto my cheeks as I heard the news.

"Yes." Beca said, tilting her head as she looked at me.

"Lord, help us all." I said. Jesse opened his mouth to say something but I didn't let him get a word in edgeways. "You'll have your work cut out Jesse. A Beca and a Mini Beca."

"Screw you!" Beca said, balling up her napkin and throwing it at me. I caught it easily and placed it on the table next to me, just as Jesse's phone rang in his pocket.

"Sorry." He said apologetically as he struggled to get his phone out of his pocket. He looked at the screen for a second before clearing the call. "Wrong number I think."

I decided not to ask how he knew it was a wrong number if he didn't take the call but decided just to keep eating. I knew he had some sort of plan for later so didn't want to give the game away if he had another secret surprise. The food was good and the restaurant was busy, which was understandable but I guessed they didn't really want us sitting there all afternoon. Jesse's phone rang again a few minutes later and he huffed when he looked at the screen.

"Take the call pal." I said as I finished up my lunch.

"Do you mind?" He asked me.

"I'm not your wife... ask Beca."

"Becs?"

"Go on, it's ok." She said.

Jesse answered the phone and put it to his ear. "Hello, this is Jesse, can you hold on a moment please?" He excused himself from the table and headed outside.

"How are you really?" I asked after Jesse had left. I went back to my plate as I could feel a pair of steely blue eyes eyeing up a chunk of my lamb.

"Exhausted. Lonely. Feeling like I was going crazy."

"Well, it's your own fault." I said kindly, ignoring the not-so-stealthy fork coming my way.

"I didn't know what else to do Luke. He was on the edge and I didn't want my marriage to end or worse for him to do something reckless because... oh, I don't know anymore."

"You shut the door in my face."

"Yes, yes I did. And I am sorry about that. I made a mistake."

"A lot of people have been worried sick about you."

"Are my parents ok?"

"Will is faring better than Anne but yes, they are fine. I've been to see them a few times with reports on how you are doing."

"How did you know how... huh?"

"Oh, I stalked you."

"I didn't know that."

"Hence the term 'stalk'." I mused. "I drove past the house a few times and had Amy keep an eye on you at work. She'd speak with Sawyer and then let me know."

"Wow."

"You don't have the right to get shirty about it."

"I'm not. I'm... well, think about it. I'm shocked Amy managed to keep a secret."

"That's true!"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." I said honestly. "It wasn't that hard. The security at the gate never stopped me. I half expected you to ban me from the neighborhood."

"I think I knew you'd do that so I never took your name off of the list."

"You knew, huh?"

"Yeah. It's what I would have done for you."

"Bitch, please." I said, wagging my finger at her. "There's no way you could have done that without me knowing."

"Is that a challenge Donovan?"

I just laughed. Loudly. And that felt really good.

Jesse joined us a few minutes later, full of apologies for taking so long. He seemed distracted and was quite red in the face but when Beca checked with him that he was all right, he brushed it off and said it was just a call from his credit card company. He checked his watch a couple of times within a short space of time but tried to engage into the conversation which was certainly being dominated by Beca and I.

Just before the server arrived to take our dessert order, I excused myself to use the facilities and wasn't completely surprised when I got back to the table to see that Jesse wasn't there.

"Bored him to death, did I?" I said, as I sat down. I straightened the spoon in front of me.

"Something came up." Beca said quietly.

"Problem?" I asked carefully.

"No, nothing like that." She replied and I raised an eyebrow at her. She smiled. "I think he knows we need some time together. He said he'd meet us back at home later on."

"Fair enough."

"Are you ok to drop me back at home?"

"No. You can walk. I don't believe there's a baby in that belly of yours. I think you're pretending so you can eat a ton of puddings and get away with it. Walk it off, fat arse!"

"Dammit! My cover is blown." Beca said, grinning at me. She slowly reached her hand over the starched tablecloth. "I've missed you Luke."

"Not as much as I've missed you."

"How have you been?" She asked.

"Same as you really. Bored. Lonely. I got so desperate a few weeks ago that I called up Amy and we went out for a few drinks."

"Oh nice."

"Yeah, we ended up naked back at my place."

"Um... Luke?"

"She lost our clothes playing Poker. Go figure. Despite claiming that she was the best Poker player from Tasmania... turns out, not so much."

"Ha! You fell for it!"

"I lost my favorite Van Halen shirt that night."

"The one I got you?" Beca asked.

"Yeah."

"That'll teach you for going out with Amy."

"Damn straight. She ended up staying at my apartment for three days."

"Why?"

"I don't bloody know. She wouldn't go home."

"Please tell me she was clothed at some point?"

"She made a toga dress thingy out of my bedsheet, wore a tea towel on her head so she didn't have to wash her hair and stole some of my old sneakers."

"There you go with that tea towel shit again. It's just towel."

"Whatever." I laughed.

"Why didn't you kick her out?"

"Dunno. I was lonely I guess."

"Yeah. I know." Beca sighed as she ran her finger around the rim of her water glass. "I'm sorry Luke."

"You promised me you'd never let anyone come between us Beca."

"I know. I remember."

"We even pinkied it."

"I know."

"You've never gone back on a promise before."

"I know that too. I'm guessing that I ruined what we had."

"Nope."

"No?" Beca looked over hopefully at me.

"No, that was your one chance at a fuck up." I said, picking up the spoon from the table with my spare hand. I tried to look interested in the handle for a moment. "Everyone has a second chance."

"Thank you Luke."

"Do it again, and-"

"-I hear ya." She said, squeezing my hand. I looked up and was surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Cry."

"Why?"

"Because you'll set me off."

"I love you Luke."

"I love you too. But only if you let me have my hand back. I'm losing feeling in my fingers!" I laughed.

"Can I show you a picture?" She asked as she folded her hands in her lap for a moment.

"If there's any naked flesh on it, then no. I like the tiramisu here and I don't want any reference to the kama sutra clouding the sugary goodness."

Beca laughed as she reached down for her purse. She rummaged around for a moment or two before pulling out an envelope. She pushed it towards me. "Thought you might like to see a picture of your Goddaughter."

I opened the folder as she placed her bag back on the floor. I looked at the grainy picture for a few moments, taking it all in. This one had been taken at her 26 week appointment and even _I_ could make out limbs and the way she was lying. My memory was flooded with images of Bodhi.

"Everything is really ok?" I asked again, not taking my eyes off of the ultrasound picture.

"Yes, she really is perfect."

"Your daughter is a thief."

"Huh?"

"She's just stolen my heart." I said honestly. How could I love someone I'd never met?

"Thank you. I know you'll be the best Uncle ever."

"And you are all right? No bullshit."

"No, not really. I'm scared shitless that I'm going to lose her the same way I lost Bodhi but everyone keeps telling me that it's not going to happen. I probably won't relax until I've given birth."

"Whatever you need, I'm still here."

"Today has really helped."

"I was particularly surprised by Jesse's call." I admitted.

"He's trying Luke."

"I know." I said, trying to convince myself.

The server arrived to take our dessert order which halted our conversation momentarily. We both ordered the Tiramisu, Beca asking for the non alcoholic version they usually gave to kids. Beca and I talked some more and I filled her in how everyone was doing. She in turn talked about the artists she was looking to sign but agreed my signing of one of her favorite singers was hot topic. We spent hours in Angelini Osteria catching up on what felt like a lifetime. I'd not enjoyed an afternoon like this for a very long time. It was only the server coming to ask for the seventh time if we wanted extra drinks that I realized it was quite late in the day. I looked at my watch and remembered that Beca had said Jesse was expecting us back at the house. Wondering if he needed us back at any set time, I checked my phone as soon as Beca had gone to powder her nose. There was no message but it was time to leave before the evening rush turned up.

"You ready?" Beca asked as she returned to the table.

"Yes, we need to get the bill."

"I've already taken care of the check dude."

"You shouldn't have had to-"

"-I didn't. Jess left me his credit card."

"Oh. Ok then. Let's get you back home."

"You'll come in for a bit?"

"Of course. I've missed Jagger and Roxie."

"They've missed you too."

"Well, of course they have." I said, picking Beca's coat up of the back of her chair. I held it open so she could thread her arms through the holes.

"Thanks."

"I know what you are going to say."

"When?"

"Just now."

"You want me to thank Jesse for lunch." I mirthed. "So, yes _Mom_ , I'll play nice!"

"I hate you sometimes."

"I hate you more!"

We walked to the door, thanking our server on the way out. I pulled on the handle to let Beca leave first.

"Why do men do that? Is it really politeness?"

"Nah. Not at all. We push the women out first to test to see how cold it is so we can be prepared when we step outside." I laughed and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. She leaned into me as we walked the short distance to my car. "Good job I didn't bring the bike today. A pregnant pillion passenger isn't one of the best ideas in the world."

"It's a nice afternoon, isn't it?" Beca said, turning her face towards the sun for a moment. I got the impression that she hadn't spent much time outside recently.

"It is." I said, pulling my keys from my pocket. I unlocked my car and pulled open the passenger door for her.

"Thanks."

I nodded as she climbed into my car. I wasn't sure whether to make a joke about her needing a step ladder to get inside but figured she might set the dogs on me when we got back to her place so I kept my mouth shut. Jumping in the driver's seat, I turned the seat heaters on as I knew she felt the cold more than me.

"Need anything on the way home?" I asked as I pulled away from the curb.

"No, I'm good, thanks. A quiet evening at home will be nice though."

"I'm sure." I said, not entirely able to say if she would get that.

"Mind if I close my eyes for a moment?"

"Not at all." I said.

The drive back to Beca's would only take about twenty five minutes with traffic and I turned down the radio so she could rest easier. The roads were busy but nothing I wasn't used to and I just enjoyed my best friend being next to me as she leaned her head against the seat and closed her eyes. As I pulled up to the entrance of her neighborhood and waved to the security guard, I tapped her leg to give her a moment to wake up. "We're nearly home."

"Hmmm. I was _*yawn*_ just dreaming about _*yawn*_ the baby."

"Yeah? That's nice."

"I dreamed that I met you in your office and Adele was there. She ended up delivering the baby while singing Rolling In The Deep, so as a thank you, I named the baby Adele."

"I must remember to tell her that so she'll be prepared." I mused and Beca laughed.

"Maybe not, huh? Hey, thanks for bringing me home."

"You're welcome." I said, pulling up to her driveway. The house was in darkness and I couldn't see Jesse's car anywhere. Beca didn't say anything as I cut the engine and opened my door. She was already out of the car by the time I got 'round to the other side.

"I thought Jesse might have been home but there's not one light on." She said, looking towards the house. I didn't have anything to say. She fished around in her purse for her keys and found them just as we got to the door. Putting the key into the slot, she pushed the door open and stepped inside. She clicked on the light by the door and the foyer was instantly flooded with light. She took a step back, standing on my foot as I stepped into the house behind her.

"Oh my fucking God! Jesse! What have you done?!"


	38. Chapter 37: Paroxysm and Perplexity

**A/N:** **Corinne, you are bestest beta ever. Thanks for everything, but especially for your friendship. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 37**  
 **Paroxysm and Perplexity  
o~O~o**

Beca was exhausted.

She hadn't ever imagined how tired she could get.

Emotionally, she was drained to the point that she felt she wanted to close her eyes for the next few months and wake up when it was time to finally meet her baby girl.

But she was so freaking happy at the same time.

It was the day after Valentine's Day and she'd just woken up after hearing Jagger whimpering at the door to be let out. Looking at the clock by her bed, she saw it was just after two am. Beca could swear that the dogs were getting her used to Midnight feedings, colic and late night diaper blowouts.

Slipping out of bed, she looked back at Jesse who was sprawled out, fast asleep, clearly having face planted the mattress.

Roxie, seeing her brother was getting a free pass to the back yard, followed Beca and Jagger down the stairs and into the kitchen. Beca opened the back door, let both of the dogs outside and leaned against the door jamb for a moment to make sure they didn't bark with excitement and wake up all of the neighbors.

Turning back into the kitchen, she walked to the island and lifted the lid on a box of cupcakes and treats, left overs from Jesse's final surprise of the day. She inhaled the delicate pastry aroma and she couldn't resist running her finger through the pile of buttercream that adorned one of the muffins. Lifting it to her mouth, she savored the sugary goodness for a moment as she thought about the day before.

Beca never, in her wildest dreams, could have ever guessed that Jesse would take the initiative to not only apologize to everyone that he made her cut out of their lives, without any prompting from her, but, with their help, had arranged a surprise baby shower. He had taken it upon himself to look through Beca's contacts, organize the catering and decorations and even approached Silvana, to see if she could fit in some time to quickly clean the house. Jesse knew the house was already clean, tidy and ready for visitors but knew Beca would appreciate the fresh, bleachy smell she so loved when she walked through the door. Beca knew that approaching Silvana would have been something that was hard for Jesse to do, after his raucous parties the year before. She was quietly impressed.

Beca was even further touched when she discovered that Jesse had found the time to take both of her puppies to the groomer for a bath and trim. He even made sure that Jagger was proudly sporting a new bandana and Roxie had pink bows on her ears for the special occasion.

She decided, as she'd already dug her finger into the creamy frosting, that she might as well finish off the muffin that she could swear had been calling her name. She was halfway through the carrot cake muffin when Roxie and Jagger rejoined her in the kitchen, the sound of the cake being removed from its wrapper the focus of their attention. Seeing as she didn't have to put any effort into calling them in from the back yard, Beca split the remains of the muffin between her fur babies and wiped her fingers on the towel that had been left on the kitchen counter.

"Come on you two." She said quietly, unsure whether she'd be heard over the sound of the chomping that was going on. "Back to bed."

Beca turned off the kitchen light as she made her way out into the family room and smiled as she began to climb the stairs. This time a few days ago, she'd felt lonely, sad and a little afraid. She missed her family and friends but even she could admit that Jesse had caught her off guard with his plans for Valentine's Day.

After their long, leisurely and quite emotional lunch with Luke, Beca was looking forward to taking a relaxing bath and having a quiet evening in with Luke and Jesse. When they got home to a very dark and empty looking house, Beca was disappointed to see that Jesse wasn't there as he said he would be. She walked through her front door and as she turned on the light, she and Luke were welcomed into the foyer filled with hundreds of pink balloons and pink silk bunting on anything that stood still.

As Beca struggled to take it all in, she called out in amazement as she wondered what Jesse had done and she nearly shrieked in shock as she was suddenly greeted with shouts of "Surprise!".

Luke quickly grabbed her arm to stop her from falling backwards as faces appeared from every corner of her house. As her eyes adjusted to the bright light and sudden cacophony of sounds, she saw Amy balancing precariously at the top of the stairs with a tea tray on her head and Kimmy Jin and Lilly coming out of her hallway closet. Beca could barely take it all in and struggled to control her emotions as she saw her Mom walking through the wall of balloons, popping two of them accidentally with the brooch on her lapel as she rushed to her daughter's side.

"Mommy!" Beca called out as she fell into her Mom's arms. The usually reserved Anne cried as they held each other, the elder stroking her daughter's hair as they stood hugging for the first time in such a long time. Luke watched Jesse's face change as he observed their first interaction in three months. Jesse's face said it all as he looked to the ground, a hint of shame to his face and Luke felt he'd actually learned a lesson.

One by one, the family flocked around Beca as she stood in the hallway. Aunt Gail shrieked loudly several times and Beca began to wonder if she still had any of the puppy's tranquilizers left to calm her down. She kept rubbing her hands all over Beca's rounded baby bump and while Beca didn't completely object to being manhandled, she was quite glad when her Mom dragged her further into the room, away from her enthusiastic aunt.

Aubrey came forward with a baby on each hip and had quite the stern face on her as she approached Beca, who was sure she was about to get a reproach from her cousin. Instead, Aubrey kissed Beca's cheek as she handed Penny to her then whispered in her ear that if she ' _ever pulled a stunt like that again, she'd personally drop kick her, pregnant or not, into the following week_ '. Beca rested against Aubrey for a moment and quietly said that if it happened again, she was counting on Aubrey to make it right. The cousins hugged for a minute or two until Pru began to fuss and Aubrey disappeared off into the kitchen to calm her down.

Amy approached from the bottom of the stairs, still carrying her tea tray and wearing what could only be described as a bright yellow kaftan. Beca quickly handed Penny to Luke, anticipating what was about to happen. Beca was half lifted, half dragged into the family room by her best friend who had squeezed Beca so hard that she thought she might actually give birth in her family room. Amy was suspiciously quiet and when she finally released Beca, setting her down with a jolt onto the floor, Beca saw two large tears coursing their way down Amy's cheeks.

"I missed you so much." Amy said. Beca was convinced that was the first sensible, and meaningful thing she had ever heard her Australian friend say. For a moment she wondered if Amy was alright, or if Bumper had finally managed to tame her wild friend but as she turned at the sound of someone calling her name, Beca felt Amy snap her bra strap and knew that nothing had really changed. Beca quickly left the room before Amy gave her a wedgie.

After half an hour of lots of squealing, hugs and telling everyone about her sonogram appointments, Beca escaped to the kitchen to get a drink and few moments of peace. She walked in to find Luke and Jesse perched on the bar stools, seemingly having quite an intent conversation amongst themselves... voluntarily.

"Hey." Jesse said, looking up as she walked in. He smiled broadly at her.

"Hey. Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt." Beca said, unable to keep her face impassive.

"It's ok. I was just telling Jesse that he did a good job." Luke said, clapping a hand on Jesse's shoulder. Beca's eyes widened at the interaction.

"Thanks. Means a lot." Jesse said, holding out his hand to Luke. Beca watched as Luke hesitated for a fraction of a second but took the offered outstretched hand.

The rest of the evening had gone well and Beca wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry as everyone gathered in a large pile to take the last group picture of the evening. She was extremely tired after such an emotional day and couldn't wait for a warm bath and a couple of episodes of The Walking Dead to fall asleep to. But as Amy put a princess crown on top of Luke's head for the final picture, Beca couldn't help but giggle at the token male in the bunch. Luke seemed completely unfazed by it all as he was hugged and kissed just as much as Beca was and for what seemed like the millionth time in her life, Beca couldn't understand how or why Luke stayed around when she gave him so much grief. She truly loved him.

As Beca closed her bedroom door, the click woke Jesse who raised his head from the mattress and clumsily looked around the room. Settling his eyes on his wife, he grinned sleepily.

"Hey." He murmured. "You ok? Where'd you go?"

"Puppies needed to pee." Beca explained as she climbed back into bed. "Sorry for waking you."

"No worries." Jesse said, yawning as Beca laid down, nestling her shoulders into her soft pillows.

"Night."

"Night." Jesse repeated. He waited a few seconds until the dogs began to settle in their beds by the window before he inched over to Beca's side of the bed. He knew there were rules and he respected Beca's wishes but as he wrapped his arm around hers and nestled into her back, he felt her relax against him, even pushing one of her legs between his as she began to drift off to sleep.

' _Maybe there's a real chance for us.'_ Jesse thought to himself as he laid his head down, next to Beca's. ' _Maybe, everything will be alright from now on.'_

But life always had its own agenda and it always got its own way.

 **~Weeks Later~**

Addictions...

Dealers…

Temptations...

Drugs…

Lies…

None of it ever truly goes away… does it?

The smallest of problems trigger the reaction, the need to turn back to the one thing that makes you _feel_ something. For some, it's a few tokes on a cigarette, some people it's the burn of a glass of whiskey as it slides down their throat and for others, it's a simple handful of candy. Some shoot drugs into their veins to escape life itself while others reach for a bucket of fried chicken as their comfort or to forget about the bad day at work.

Whatever the issue, it never really goes away. As much as you can teach yourself ways to deal with the problem, the remnants remain with you for life. Like papering over a crack, the undeniable thirst to give in is always, always there.

And Jesse was no exception.

After the successful Valentine's Day Baby Shower, Jesse earned a few brownie points among Beca's family and friends. While it could be argued that he hadn't organized any real entertainment for the evening, no one could blame him for the effort he put into sorting out the catering and decorations. No one complained about the lack of an activity to do, everyone was content to spend time catching up with each other and opening the gifts that had been brought for the new baby.

Jesse lost major points though for forgetting to call and invite MawMaw until that afternoon. She chewed him up and spit him out when he finally remembered to call, which he totally expected, then told him that she had a hot date with Walter and wouldn't have been able to attend anyway. Jesse told her that Walter was more than welcome to attend the party, but MawMaw said she wasn't ready for him to meet " _all the crazies"_. Before ending the call, MawMaw very proudly told Jesse that she and the Sew-n-Sew's at the senior center had quilted a beautiful blanket for the baby and promised to visit one day during the following week.

For a couple of days afterwards, Jesse rode the unbelievable high. A different kind of high than the one he felt when he was drinking, this was comfortable and nice. Beca began to open up a little bit again as they worked on their relationship one small step at a time. Jesse was used to adhering to a program, going through the motions and opening up. He pulled out all the stops and behaved impeccably.

As the days turned into weeks, Jesse finally began to relax and even started to enjoy life again. He lost some of his nervousness but made sure he remembered to show Beca how much he loved her each and every day. He wondered if his old life was finally behind him.

But life, and karma, wasn't quite prepared to give Jesse the break he so needed.

Not when he owed his drug dealer money. Lots and lots of money.

 **o~O~o**

After a pleasant day of decorating the new baby's room in preparation for her arrival which was just a few weeks away, Jesse and Beca had spent the evening enjoying Chinese take out and snuggling on the couch while watching the movie Whiplash. Throughout the movie, they both made comments about the music and discussed the performances given by Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons. Beca thought that Miles Teller's performance was one of his best to date while Jesse respectfully disagreed saying that the performance made him look like nothing more than a whiney, spoiled rotten brat.

Eventually, they agreed to disagree and didn't talk for the remainder of the movie.

After the movie, they cleaned up the containers from dinner and desperately tried to stop the dogs from digging in the trash can. They were moving in sync, like a young, married couple should, with _The Late, Late Show_ playing in the background, and while neither one of them was really paying attention to the television, the low tones filled the otherwise quiet house.

There was a commercial on about some magic scrubber that was cut off very suddenly by the local news station. One of the news anchors could be heard saying, " _Good evening, this is Kylie Walker with KTLA News 5. We interrupt this regularly scheduled program to bring you breaking news! There's been an explosion at an apartment complex near the corner of West Compton and North Wadsworth. We know that the area is on the rough side of town and is very heavily populated with prostitutes, gangs and known drug dealers. It is unknown at this time if there are any injuries associated with the explosion but we hope to have an update from Michael Flynn momentarily. Stay tuned."_

Beca caught the majority of the news bulletin as she turned off the light in the kitchen, thinking how sad it was for someone's home to be destroyed. She loved her home, it was both her security and her sanctuary and she knew every inch of space within its four walls. Having part of it destroyed like that would have been beyond devastating.

When Beca walked into the family room, she noticed that Jesse's posture had changed from just moments before. Gone was the relaxed, happy Jesse; the one who had just been ruffling Jagger's ears in the kitchen and patting Roxie as he gave a firm command that they were not to dig in the trash can. He now stood perfectly still, staring at the television, willing the commercials to be over sooner rather than later. She wondered if he knew anyone that still lived in that area but didn't ask any questions, she just walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Something had clearly affected him about the news broadcast.

Jesse silently willed Beca to take her hands off of him. He felt physically sick as he prepared to answer a barrage of questions from Beca about what was upsetting him. How was he going to explain everything he was trying so hard to keep hidden from her? As soon as he saw the picture on the screen of the raging fire taking place, he just knew what had happened and who was involved.

Jesse _did_ know the area, in fact, he knew it much better than he should. He had spent a lot of time in Compton and shared in the general consensus that it was one of the worst places in Southern California. He wanted to say something to Beca. He needed to tell her something but just as he opened his mouth to speak, the KTLA logo was back on the screen and Kylie Walker was talking.

" _Welcome back to this KTLA News 5 special newscast. We're going to go straight out to Michael Travis who's on the scene of that explosion in Compton. Michael… what's the latest?"_

" _Good evening Kylie. As you can see behind me, it's absolute chaos out here. The authorities won't let us get any closer to the scene but the information I was given by the Fire Chief, a few minutes ago, is that a couple was seen getting into that Brown 1980 Chevy Nova." Michael said, pointing to a smoldering car, currently being hosed down by firemen. "Witnesses have reported that as soon as the engine was started, there was a loud 'BOOM' and the car burst into flames. Witnesses immediately tried to put the fire out with a few garden hoses and handheld fire extinguishers but they had to give up their efforts when the car became engulfed in flames. The couple inside did attempt to exit the vehicle but were overcome by smoke and fire. It's been confirmed that both have died and are currently waiting for transport to the medical examiners office."_

" _Michael, have the individual's been identified?"_

" _The police have stated that witnesses were able to give the investigator first names of the individuals but were unable to provide last names. They are waiting to get positive identities before publically naming the victims. Also, standard protocol states that even if they are positively identified, their identities are to be kept confidential until the family or families have been notified."_

" _So, did the witnesses know the couple? Did the couple live in the complex? Or were they visitors?"_

" _Apparently, according to the witnesses, they were residents of the complex but again, until positive identification can be made, it's all just speculation at this point." Michael said. "When the investigation out here is complete, investigators plan to move inside the complex in hopes of finding additional clues in this case."_

" _Thanks Michael. We'll touch base with you again shortly." Kylie said. "In other news…"_

Beca let go of Jesse, reached down to pick the remote up off the coffee table and turned off the TV. Jesse hadn't uttered a word since the broadcast started and Beca was starting to worry that maybe he really did know someone that lived down there.

Jesse recognized the apartment complex, the car and the neighbors that were interviewed. He recognized all of it. He knew the truth in his heart but his head kept telling him to slow down and wait for someone to get in touch with him.

The dreaded phone call… that no one ever wants to get.

 **o~O~o**

It took Jesse four days to begin to snap out of his funk.

He woke up around noon on Thursday to an empty house. He was desperately thirsty, having slept on his back with his mouth wide open for most of the night and his throat was dry. He groaned as he smacked his lips together and made his way down stairs to the kitchen for a drink.

"Beca?" He called out, his voice slightly raspy. He received no reply and wondered where she'd gone. All of the doors were closed so he knew she wasn't in the back yard. He briefly wondered if she was in the guest house but he hadn't, and still wasn't, prepared to go into that part of the property but a quick inspection out of the kitchen window, across the morning porch, showed the door was shut and the little house was steeped in blackness.

He wandered aimlessly through the downstairs with his glass of water, undecided what to do with himself. He wasn't even sure what day of the week it was and felt quite dazed and lost. He'd gone to bed very late the night before as he'd spent a lot of time on his laptop searching for news about the explosion. He still couldn't fathom what was going on and each news article left him more confused as the police continued to search for clues.

He had been so desperate for a drink that he almost called Donald at three in the morning but in his panicked and freaked out state, he managed to call Domino's Pizza instead. Even more confused, he managed to order four extra large meat lovers pizzas which arrived twenty seven minutes later with a free two liter of coke. He wasn't sure how he was going to going to explain what he had done to Beca so he hid the pizzas and made up his mind that he needed to pull himself together and get some sleep.

As he entered the family room, drink still in hand, he noticed a pillow and throw blanket had been neatly stacked on one end of the couch and realized that Beca must have slept down there the night before. He reasoned that his snoring must have been pretty bad if she'd left her bed to get away from him or that she'd been awakened by his mysterious pizza delivery. Jesse also noticed that neither of the dogs were there, trying to trip him up and lick his hands as their way of greeting him as they had both learned that he didn't like them jumping up on him. He took a seat on the sofa and cracked his stiff neck as he tried to work through his foggy mind. He saw a notepad on the coffee table and glanced over at Beca's neat writing.

Thinking it might have been a ' _honey do list'_ , he read the first few lines and sobered up pretty quickly. It dawned on him as he read what Beca had written that he was on the verge of fucking things up with her again. Beca had poured out her worries onto the paper about how withdrawn he'd been and she felt he was pulling away again. She confessed to no one in particular that she knew he was hiding things from her and she didn't know if she had the energy to cope with his latest drama. She'd circled one of the the last entries where she'd written that she wanted to install a video camera to the front driveway to catch the ' _douchebag drug mule'_ who'd come to her house during the night. Jesse realized that the late night food delivery had been mistaken for him buying drugs and he dropped his head into his hands as he came to understand just why Beca had so little faith in him.

Jesse read everything else she had to say before he quietly left the room and went back upstairs to collect his phone. He was just about to send Beca a text to see where she was when he heard her car pull into the garage. In the time it took him to drop his phone back on the bed, pull a clean t-shirt from the closet to wear and head back downstairs, Beca was coming through the front door, armed with a bakery bag and a small takeout coffee cup.

"Hi." Jesse said loosely, as he reached the bottom step.

"Hi yourself." Beca said evenly but Jesse noticed the stress around her eyes.

"You all right?"

"Yes. Why?" Beca asked as she slipped her set of keys back into her purse. He noticed that she'd set her feet apart as if to prepare for a battle, should it happen.

"You weren't here when I woke up."

"Well no, Jess. We don't all have that luxury of being able to sleep in all day. I had to go to work this morning and then take the dogs to the vet for their shots." Beca said carefully. "Something you said you would do for me so I wouldn't have to take the afternoon off work." She added quietly after a long pause.

"Sorry." Jesse said, even though he was unable to recollect the conversation. "I've been a bit out of it the past few days."

"Yeah, I noticed." Beca said. She looked toward the kitchen before heading off in that direction. Jesse followed. Placing her purse and coffee cup down on the kitchen counter and switching her paper bag from one hand to another, she shrugged off her jacket and swapped hands again so she could get both arms out of her coat sleeves.

"You see what you do to me Jesse?" Beca said, watching his reaction to her muddledness. "I can't even think to put this little bag down so I can take off my coat properly."

"What did I do?" Jesse asked.

"You've gone off in your own little world again Jesse and I'm not strong enough to handle another one of your episodes."

"What do you mean?"

"Something changed in you a few days ago. You've changed and the Jesse that organized my baby shower and arranged lunch with Luke is gone and the secret agent Jesse came back. The one who sits up until all hours on his computer, checks his phone every two minutes and walks outside for phone calls. The one who gets incandescent knocks on the door at 3 in the morning and-"

"-I ordered pizza." Jesse interrupted.

"Pizza?"

"Yes, I... I was confused, half asleep and ordered pizzas last night."

"Ok. Right. Whatever." Beca said. "But you have to see this from my point of view. The other Jesse is here and he's not welcome any longer."

"No, no, he's not." Jesse explained watching as Beca finally placed the paper bag down on the kitchen counter. "Oh." Jesse said, spying the name on the side. He reached out a hand to open the bag. "You went to-"

"-Don't you even think about taking my cupcakes." Beca growled as she slapped his hand away.

"Ouch!" Jesse said, rubbing his hand. "I was only going to take a look."

"Do you really think taking treats from your heavily pregnant _wife_ is a good idea?"

"I'm gonna go with no."

"Good answer."

"Is the coffee for me?" Jesse asked hopefully.

"Dude, are you seriously kidding right now? Do you even know what day it is today?"

"Um, Thursday… I think." Jesse replied cagily.

"Yes. Thursday. It's just Thursday, right?"

"Yes." Jesse said proudly.

"Anything else?"

"Um, the day... um, I forgot to... take the um, dogs to the vets?"

"Well, yeah, that too."

"Wait, where are they?"

"Who?"

"The dogs."

"Luke has them."

"Huh? Why?"

"Jesse." Beca sighed. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm about six weeks from my due date. I can't manage two excitable dogs on my own in a car where one wants to sit on my lap while I am driving and the other barks at the window until I roll it down. I needed someone to come with me. Luke's taken them both to the dog park for me and will drop them off later."

"Oh. So you called Luke."

"Yes. We met for lunch today."

"Any particular reason?"

Beca sighed heartily and looked at Jesse for the longest time. "Jesse, I don't know what's going on with you right now but I'm telling you this, I will not put up with your shit any more. You've backed yourself into a dark corner and you need to get yourself out. I'm focused on getting myself to 40 weeks with our little girl and delivering her safely. I don't care about anything else right now. I bought myself a treat today because I needed a little pick me up. I've worked out what I need to do to make it through another day. You need to do the same. You want to act out again, you can pack your bags and go. I love you Jesse but I don't love your lifestyle. I need you to be a man, a husband, a father and my support system and not this deadbeat who shuts down every other week. Sort out what's bothering you, talk to me about it or talk to the moon for all I care but don't bring your baggage into this house. Now, I'm going upstairs for a bath and then I am going to my Mom's for dinner. Come if you want, or don't, but snap out of it."

Beca snatched up her bakery bag, her now lukewarm decaffeinated coffee and left the kitchen with a slightly lopsided walk that Jesse hadn't noticed before. He made a face at her exiting frame as she headed for the stairs. He rolled his eyes as he heard her heading up the steps. Half of him was mad at her for standing up to him, even if it was just a little and the other half was wanting her comfort because he felt bad. He knew he was being selfish and making it all about him.

He was about to walk out of the kitchen and find a movie to watch to take his mind off of everything when his eyes fell upon the calendar that was pinned to the corkboard on the wall in the kitchen. He closed his eyes in anguish as he read the small, neatly printed handwriting in the days box, complete with a colorful butterfly sticker.

Today was Beca's birthday and he'd missed it.

 **o~O~o**

"Dinner was really nice. Thank you." Jesse said, shaking Will's hand as they stood in the driveway of Beca's parents home. "And apologies again for us being a little late. Completely my fault."

"You are very welcome. And don't worry about the tardiness." Will smiled politely as he held out his arm to accept a hug from his daughter.

Jesse stepped back to let Beca embrace her dad and he moved forward to kiss Anne's cheek. He noticed that she stiffened when he moved closer but warmly thanked her for a lovely evening.

"Just take care of my little girl." Anne whispered into his ear as their cheeks met. Jesse began to smile until Anne's tone changed and he felt the hot breath in his ear. "If you don't, I'll have your balls in a jar… On. My. Mantle."

Jesse cleared his throat as they parted; Beca was having a hard time keeping a straight face, having heard _exactly_ what her mother had just said. Jesse unlocked the car as Anne pulled Beca in for a tight squeeze.

"Happy Birthday darling." She said and planted a sweet kiss on the top of her daughter's head.

"Thanks Mom. I'll call you in a couple of days."

Will wrapped his arm around Anne as they both waved at the retreating car lights. Beca waved back at her parents before settling down in her seat. She pulled her phone from her purse and began catching up on messages as Jesse drove past the guard shack.

"That was a nice evening." Jesse said, trying to break the silence in the car after ten minutes of neither of them talking. They were still quite a ways from home and Beca being so quiet was making him nervous.

"Hmm." Beca said, continuing to stare out of the window.

"Your parents look well."

"Uh huh."

"Mom's chicken parmesan was good."

"Yup."

"Are you going to speak to me at all?"

"Why? What's the point?" Beca asked softly. "Nothing I say seems to matter." She ran a hand over her belly, trying to calm the baby inside her who was desperately trying to find a comfortable spot.

"I'm sorry." Jesse said and fixed his eyes on the road ahead. "Beca, I'm sorry."

If he could have glanced right in that moment, he would have seen a look of surprise filter across Beca's face.

"Um..." She began.

"Look… I've fucked up again. Big time. I can see that now and I'm sorry." Jesse repeated. He sighed heavily as he turned the windshield wipers on to clear the light rainfall that had started.

"Ok." Beca said quietly. "Are you finally ready to talk?"

"I guess so. I'd like to begin by saying that you were right with what you said in the kitchen earlier."

"I usually am." Beca said, a tinge of humor to her words.

"I have got a lot on my mind. And it has taken me awhile to be able to talk about it. I was trying to work it out on my own, work through the process and-"

"-Cut the bullshit Jess."

"Huh?"

"The rehearsed speech. I'm your _wife_ , not your sponsor." Beca barked, not feeling the slightest bit guilty for the tone in her voice.

"Oh, yeah, right." Jesse said, keeping his eyes on the road. He tapped the steering wheel a couple of times which Beca recognized as one of his method of keeping control, a trick learned at his AA meetings. She didn't say anything about it, knowing he needed something to ground him.

"Jesse, all I have ever asked from you is honesty. Why do you continue-"

"-I'm sorry." Jesse interrupted. "I'm also sorry for interrupting you. My head wasn't in the right place a couple of days ago. I lost control and didn't speak to you then and I need to tell you why."

"I'm listening."

"Do you remember a few nights ago we were watching a movie, and we were having that debate-"

"-Yes. It was a nice evening and then you changed."

"Yes, I did. Do you remember there was a news report about a car explosion over in Compton?" Jesse asked.

"Uh huh. It was pretty horrific. The poor people inside were unidentifiable, apparently."

"Not that unidentifiable."

"Huh? I didn't think there was any hope for them to find out who they were. They mentioned dental records in a report a couple of nights ago." Beca said, cringing as the memory came back to her.

"One of them was my Dad." Jesse said simply.

"What?" Beca said, snapping her head around to look at Jesse. He nodded slowly to confirm what he was saying was true. "Pull the car over."

"What? I can't! I can't just pull ov-"

"-Do it Jesse!" Beca exclaimed. Jesse almost jumped at the strength of her tone but flipped the right blinker on and moved the car to the side of the road, ignoring the angry beep from the vehicle behind them.

Jesse flipped the emergency flashers on, partially to warn other drivers that there was a car on the side of the road, but mostly because his very pregnant wife was on a mission and no one should approach them.

"David died in the explosion?" Beca asked as soon as Jesse had stopped the car.

"Yes. I recognized the complex on the screen and while it could have been anyone from that area, somehow I just knew. The call from the Police just confirmed it."

"So is this what all the secretive phone calls have been about?"

"Um, mostly yeah."

"When did you meet up with him?" Beca asked.

"Oh ... um, I haven't." Jesse fumbled, suddenly remembering that he hadn't told Beca he'd met up with David or Pepper, or that the baby that Pepper had been carrying was actually his.

"Then how did you know where he lived?"

"I went to see where he lived one day."

"Why?"

"I ... um, well ... you know?"

"No Jesse, I don't." Beca said. "That's why I asked."

"Ummm ..."

"It's a known drug area Jesse." Beca sharply pointed out, folding her hands back into a lap. A move which Jesse recognized all too well with her.

"I know."

"Are you using again?"

"What?! NO!" Jesse exclaimed, his voice rising several octaves. "This was months ago."

"Ok." Beca said, sounding very unconvinced.

"I swear to you." Jesse said but Beca only nodded in response. "They said it was a drug deal gone bad. Retaliation or something. But, the man in the car was my Dad. I mean, I didn't know him all that well but still ..."

"There was a woman with him." Beca said. "Was that someone you knew as well?"

Jesse sighed heavily. While he was confessing, he may as well tell Beca as much of the story as he dare. "Yes, and ... and this is why I have struggled to tell you before now. My Dad was married. He'd been married for a couple of years and seemed to be turning his life around. I knew about the marriage when I became friends with his wife."

"Friends, huh?" Beca said suspiciously but Jesse knew he'd earned that suspicion.

"Yes… friends, _just_ friends. You knew her too."

"I did?" Beca said, side glancing Jesse as the story got even more involved.

"Yes, you remember Chloe from my band?"

"What?!" Beca spluttered, coughing a little at the news. " _David_ was married to Pepper? As in Pepper from The Riff? No way! That can't be true! They said the woman in the car was pregnant? Oh Jesse..."

Jesse gulped a little. He didn't know that had been made common knowledge. The phone call he had received from the police on the day of the accident had told him all he had needed to know. He knew that his dad and Pepper had listed him as a next of kin, should anything have happened to them both, the baby would have been offered to him to raise. No one had expected them all to go together. The police had called back a couple of days later to confirm the rest of the story.

"... Jesse, I'm so sorry. No wonder you have been so upset and quiet. This must have been so horrible. I'm so sorry you couldn't come to me about it sooner."

"Oh, um..." He stuttered.

"That poor girl." Beca said, beginning to cry. "That poor baby. Your brother or sister."

Beca unclipped her seatbelt and leaned over to give Jesse a hug. He folded into her arms, letting her comfort him and desperately trying not to feel so relieved. In that moment, he knew that Beca would never know about his affair with Pepper, that the baby in her belly was actually his or that the reason why they were both dead was all his fault. The drug deal that had gone bad was actually his fault. He'd bought drugs in Compton and given the dealer his Dad's name and address so that nothing would get back to Beca. He always intended to pay the debt but then he had gotten sick and ended up in hospital and he had conveniently forgotten all about it. It was something he could never tell Beca. He could never really tell her the truth; that the reason why his father, and his band mate slash part time lover, Pepper and the innocent child were killed was all because of him.


	39. Chapter 38: Replacement & Repulsion

**A/N: I'm sorry it's been so damn long since I last updated... I swear I'm trying to do better about updating. Life & time seem to be getting away from me so quickly these days. I hope it was worth the wait and that y'all enjoy it... Happy Reading and Happy Mother's Day to all you special Momma's out there. **

**To Waatp: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your friendship, constant love, support & most importantly, the kicks in the ass that I need to get chapters finished & posted. I appreciate you & your friendship more than you'll ever know. xx**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Chapter 38  
**Replacement & Repulsion **  
o~O~o**

"Is everything ok?" Jesse asked, as he sat on one of the kitchen stools, watching Beca as she slowly moved around the kitchen, buttering toast and scrambling some eggs.

Beca took a moment before she answered. "Yes, why?"

"I just heard you up and about a few times during the night." Jesse said in response.

Beca was slightly surprised that Jesse had noticed. He hadn't fallen back into his old ways, in fact, since her birthday, he'd at least _seemed_ back to his normal self again. He was a lot less agitated, more attentive but there was still a hint of distraction which she understood to be the stress of everything going on with David's funeral.

"I couldn't get comfortable. Sorry that I disturbed you. I didn't-"

"-No, it's ok." Jesse said kindly, watching her tuck some loose hair behind her ear. "What was wrong?"

"I was just thinking, well, over thinking really, like I always do."

Jesse's face was suddenly full of concern. "About what?"

"I'm pretty sure Little Miss was trying out for the 2032 Olympics." Beca said quietly deciding that it was best to change the subject because she really wasn't in the mood for an argument. She continued to stir the eggs, rubbing her swelling tummy as she spoke. "Can you take care of that?" she asked, nodding toward the coffee pot.

"Sure." Jesse quickly walked over to the coffee pot, reaching up into the open cabinet above it and pulled down two small cups. Beca watched him out of the corner of her eye, impressed that he remembered she should only be drinking a limited amount of caffeine. She served the toast and eggs onto two plates and carried them to the kitchen counter as Jesse placed the coffee cups down in front of their place settings and took a seat.

"Will you home for dinner tonight?" Beca asked as she poked at the eggs with her fork after a few moments of silence.

"Huh?"

"Dinner?"

"Hmmm. Rain check?" Jesse said, swallowing hard. "I don't know what time the auditions will wrap up. It depends on how quick we find a replacement for Pep-"

"-Of course. Sorry, I forgot about that. Baby brain."

"No need to apologize." Jesse said as he took a sip of his coffee. "How about I take you out for dinner afterwards?"

"No, that's ok." Beca said as she took a bite of toast. "I'll just cook something that can be easily reheated. Maybe we can watch a movie when you get home?"

Jesse held out a napkin for Beca to wipe a drop of butter in the corner of her mouth. "Ok, that works. I'll call when I am on my way home."

"Sounds good." Beca smiled, chewing the last of her breakfast. For the briefest of moments, she found some of the tension she'd been carrying around for several months begin to leave.

 _In the weeks that had followed David and Pepper's death, Beca couldn't seem to get through to Jesse properly, no matter how hard she tried. He had completely withdrawn from everything the minute he received the news about David and Pepper. He seemed reluctant to talk about it and Beca knew better than to push him to open up to her. She encouraged him to call Donald if he needed someone._

 _While Beca's birthday had seen quite the breakthrough and Jesse had been trying to make strides to be more attentive to her needs and make up for lost time, she still found that he'd get lost in his thoughts and daydreams. He began to talk more and more about getting back into the studio and less and less about the baby but it was also in those weeks that Cynthia Rose had contacted him and the band to start working on their sophomore album. Unfortunately, the long hours in the studio started to take up a lot of Jesse's time and while Beca missed him, she understood the need to make new music._

 _Distraction was sometimes the best medicine._

 _Since then, Beca couldn't get Jesse to share her excitement about the baby. He listened to everything she had to share and faked enthusiasm but he stopped asking how 'his girls' were and he hadn't rubbed her belly in a while. She even tried to get him to talk to her about baby names. When he said that he hadn't given it much thought, she asked him to think about it and they could talk when he was ready._

 _One morning, Jesse walked into the kitchen and rattled off a few names under his breath. Without waiting for her reply, he grabbed a cup of coffee and went out to the morning porch to fill his lungs with another layer of nicotine and tar._

 _Beca was left wondering "Natalie, Lindsey and Jillian?" They weren't bad names for the right little girl but Eloise?! That name was just a little too old fashioned and as hard as Beca tried to consider his suggestions, she didn't feel that he was being serious or that any of those names were right for their daughter. She was beginning to think that they'd never come to an agreement and that the baby would leave the hospital as "Baby Girl Swanson"._

 _Later that evening as Jesse walked into the bedroom, he mumbled again._

 _"What was that?" Beca said putting her copy of 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' down to give Jesse her undivided attention._

 _"I said Meghan and Sarah… and maybe Shelby, but I'm not sold on that one just yet."_

 _Oh… baby names!" Beca said excitedly. She had to admit that Sarah and Meghan weren't bad and decided to put those on the short list._

 _Beca noticed that Jesse was going through all the right motions but when asked questions would just grunt or give very short, very blunt answers. In the weeks since he'd gotten the news about the explosion, he and the rest of the band were in meetings, auditions for a new band member and negotiations about their recording contract. One accident had caused so much change._

 _For Jesse, the worst part about what had happened was that Ace, his dealer, was after him again, but he couldn't tell Beca that. He had given the money he owed to Pepper and she had promised to give it to Ace. According to a neighbor, Pepper and David went to Vegas because 'they deserved a vacation before the baby was born' and because they wanted to try 'to double the money'._

 _They got a vacation alright… a permanent one and the baby would never see the light of day or even take a single breath. The baby, a boy, was innocent in all of this mess and drama._

 _David and Pepper were dead. While the news had been upsetting, Jesse was forced to see the bright side of things. Their deaths meant that he didn't have to confess his affair to Beca. He didn't have to confess that Pepper was pregnant with his baby and that it was all because David had set up the crazy scheme. Jesse had fallen head first into their trap but all the secrets died with them… as did his second son. Bodhi had a little brother, a boy whose name, according to Chloe and David, was supposed to be Maddox. Just like when Bodhi was born, Jesse didn't get a vote about his name, but it didn't matter because he was sure that Bodhi and Maddox were together and somehow, in the craziness that was his life, that small thought made him feel a little better._

 _Jesse didn't have the money to cover his debt. While the sales of the first album had been lucrative, the profit was split, with half going to Columbia Records and the other half split evenly between the band members. After costs and taxes, there wasn't very much left. A second album was desperately needed._

 _Knowing that Ace wouldn't get off of his back until the debt was settled, Jesse looked around his meagre possessions for something that he could sell to make a quick buck. Reality set in that he didn't have much left. Finding a broken chain in one of Beca's jewelry boxes, he dug around in the boxes at the back of her closet for anything else she might not notice was missing. He found an old brooch of Betty's and what looked to be an antique wedding ring that he decided Beca wouldn't look for. Shoving it in his pocket, he decided to go to the pawn shop for a quote before he lost his nerve._

 _He could have easily taken the cash out of their joint account but Beca monitored the account pretty regularly and would notice a large withdrawal. Every last penny was accounted for and he didn't want to explain why he was pulling out that kind of cash._

 _As it turned out, despite the damaged catch on the chain, what he had was worth more than what he had in his bank account._

 _Seeing the desperate look on his face, the shop owner offered Jesse a good deal on the expensive watch on his wrist. Jesse had stared at the watch for a while; it had been a gift from Beca on their first Christmas together but in his mind, he needed the money more. He even callously thought that Beca would probably replace it if he told her he had lost it._

 _Seeing the wod of cash being counted out on the counter as he handed his watch over, he quietly asked the owner for a price for his wedding ring as well. Pat, the owner, raised an eyebrow in surprise but it wasn't his business to question anything._

 _Jesse left the pawn shop with enough cash to pay off his dealer with a little left to spare. He didn't even feel guilty about the loss of his custom titanium wedding band or watch. As he left the pawn shop, he called Ace and arranged to meet with him that afternoon at a children's playground close to where David and Pepper had died. Jesse gave Ace five hundred dollars more than he owed and and made him promise to never contact him again. Ace was more than happy to comply with the seemingly simple request._

 _Jesse drove home with a sense of relief that he hadn't had for a while. He was happy that he'd never have to deal with Ace again and that he could finally put that part of his life behind him. Getting home before Beca, he cleaned the house, making sure his theft wouldn't be detected and managing to stop himself from taking any more of her things._

 _His new focus needed to be on who was going to replace Pepper. Her voice was unique and very easily pinpointed, so they couldn't chose just anyone. The band wasn't finished recording their second album and Cynthia Rose was insistent that it be completed by the end of summer and dedicated to Pepper's memory._

 _Once it was decided that the band needed to replace Pepper, Cynthia Rose bought radio spots advertising open auditions for her replacement. This proved to be effective given the turnout, however, the quality of the individuals that showed up left a lot to be desired._

"Jess?" Beca said, as she collected both of their breakfast plates to take to the dishwasher.

"Yeah?" Jesse said, a little louder than necessary. He cleared his throat and tried to figure out if he'd missed a question from Beca.

"Where'd you go?"

"Sorry, got caught up in my thoughts."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No. I'm good. Listen, I've gotta go." He said, kissing her on the head. "Thanks for breakfast. See you tonight."

 **o~O~o  
First Auditions  
o~O~o**

By the time, Jesse reached the Montage Beverly Hills and parked, he had managed to get his head and his thoughts straight. He was looking forward to finding a new bandmate and deep down, he was almost glad he wasn't going to have to see Pepper every day as they looked forward to completing their second album.

Finding the Marquesa Ballroom, he shook hands with the rest of the band before taking his seat next to Cynthia Rose at the table, which was at the far end of the room. The entire scene was quite picturesque with the HOLLYWOOD sign over their shoulders.

For the auditions, Jesse, Cynthia Rose and two of the other band members sat at a table much like the one shown on American Idol. They decided it was imposing enough to weed out the nervous auditionees and professional enough that it showed they were to be taken seriously. The rest of the band spent their time " _making nice with the contestants"_ downstairs in the Georgie Ballroom as they prepared for their auditions.

The four judges listened as contestant after contestant wailed and moaned a verse from the band's first number one single. Nails on a chalkboard would have been a more welcomed sound. Jesse rolled his eyes and held his head in his hands more than once. Cynthia Rose called a break halfway through, stating that she ' _needed to give her ears a rest'_.

After hours of painful auditions, it was decided that no one who had shown up that day was good enough to replace Pepper. The ones that had shown up were most likely fangirls that wanted an easy one way ticket to stardom.

As the four continued to brainstorm about what their next move should be, Jesse excused himself. They had been holed up for hours and it had been way too long since his last cigarette. As Jesse walked toward the exit, a cigarette already in his mouth, the angelic sounds of a very unique voice filled the familiar hallway and caused him to stumble over his feet. Not knowing who was singing, Jesse followed the voice to the green room where he found none other than Cynthia Rose's assistant Stacie cleaning up after all of the has beens had left.

Stacie had earbuds plugged into her ipod and was belting out the words of a classic R&B tune. As she bent over to pick up a few items left on the floor, Jesse felt that old familiar tug in his jeans as he took in her long legs and shapely ass. He and Beca hadn't been intimate in some time and since Chloe passed he wasn't getting any. Seeing Stacie bend over in front of him was the most action he'd gotten in awhile… unless you counted the cold showers and hand jobs he'd been giving himself.

After standing there for several minutes, Jesse began to feel like a Peeping Tom. He was eavesdropping but he couldn't help it, he had just stumbled on a potential gold mine. If Stacie didn't work out for the band, perhaps he could convince Cynthia Rose to sign her as a solo artist and he could demand a finders fee. She was, in his opinion, better than Pepper ever was. He liked the way she effortlessly sang the words, changing the pitch to fit the way her voice sounded.

"You can sing!"' Jesse said loudly causing Stacie to jump and drop the collection of plastic bottles she had in her hands.

"Oh shit!" Stacie said grabbing her ample chest with one hand and yanking her earbuds out of her ears with the other as the bottles settled on the floor. "You scared me half to death! I didn't know anyone was still here."

"How high does your belt go?" Jesse asked, not apologizing for startling her.

"My what?"

"You have to audition for The Riff?"

"What? You're crazy?"

"You were singing Bump and Grind by R. Kelly-"

"-Yeah… and?"

"That's my jam-"

"-Dude… what's your point?" Stacie said, bending down, much to Jesse's delight, to collect the dropped bottles.

"I want you to sign with The Riff." Jesse said proudly, nodding a couple of times as if to confirm that this was a great idea. He knew that making a unilateral decision regarding the band probably wasn't his best idea but if it worked, then they would all be singing his praises. And he liked the thought of having one up on the others.

Stacie scoffed. Picking up several discarded water bottles she said, "Like Black Beauty will ever let that happen. I was hired to make coffee, answer phones and put up with her crazy demands. No small talk with the talent, no getting waylaid on the way back from the photocopier and by the way, she still hasn't let me forget that I spent four months watering her artificial orchids. There is no way that Cynthia Rose will let me anywhere near a microphone. Even if I wanted to."

"Let me talk to her." Jesse said.

Stacie chuckled. "Let me know how that works out for you."

"What do you mean?"

"She's not happy unless everyone around her is panicked, nauseous or suicidal."

"Do you really feel that way about her? Are you really _that_ unhappy?"

"She called and woke me up at five fifteen this morning then proceeded to bark her Starbucks order at me, then she had the nerve to get pissed at me because I was late and her order was wrong. She's like the spawn of Satan!"

"Well… that was probably _my_ Starbucks order and for the record-"

"-well a venti iced half caff skinny hazelnut macchiato, 4 extra pumps of hazelnut, add cinnamon, add four shots dolce soy with light ice - half cubed, half shaved, no whip with caramel drizzle and chocolate shavings is not only obnoxious but its a stupid fucking teenage girl drink!"

Jesse put his hands up as if to surrender. "It's actually very good… you should try it some time... my treat."

"No thanks… I'll pass."

"Ok, have it your way but just for the record… I have a feeling that Cynthia Rose will agree with me."

"Yeah, and sometimes I have a feeling that I could do crystal meth and pass a drug test the next morning, but then I think, mmm… better not."

Jesse laughed. "You're funny-"

"-Oh lemme guess… you're gonna say that I should try stand up too?"

Jesse shrugged. "Not a bad idea."

"Not a good one either."

He held his hands up. "Ok, look… just give me a chance."

"Do what you want, but there's a good _chance_ that I'll get fired because of you."

"That won't happen… I promise."

"Whatever… I want no part of this." Stacie said, waving her hand around as if she was batting a fly as she walked away. Turning around to face Jesse, Stacie walked backwards and said, "Just know that if I get fired… I will hunt you down and finish you like a cheesecake!"

Jesse just stood there with that stupid boyish grin he was famous for on his face. He knew damn good and well that he was right. Stacie was gold mine and he was going to prove it.

 **o~O~o**

Jesse finished his cigarette and contemplated lighting another one. He was enjoying the sunshine after being stuck in the ballroom all morning. If truth be told, he was taking a moment to control himself. His excitement over hearing Stacie sing was overshadowed by the image of her shapely legs and butt that now seemed like a permanent screen saver in his memory.

It had been a while since he'd looked at Beca in that way. And while he knew he only had himself to blame for that, he missed the way Beca would casually walk through the house in her bath towel. She wasn't doing it to prompt anything, it was just the casual and easy way she carried her sweet sexuality.

Jesse missed looking at Stacie, imagining the fun he could have with her. Even as he changed his mind about a second cigarette, he had to admit that Stacie's legs were far better than Beca's and began to imagine them flung over his shoulder as he-

' _Stop it!'_ He scolded himself and drummed his fingers on his leg to bring himself back under control. He contemplated calling Beca to get her voice inside his head and remind himself that even thinking about someone other than her and the baby was beyond stupid.

He decided that would make him feel worse. He leaned against the brickwall where he'd stubbed his cigarette out and ran through a conversation with Cynthia Rose. While he might have sounded cocky to Stacie, inside his own head, he was beginning to worry about how Cynthia Rose would react.

After finally drumming up the courage to speak to Cynthia Rose and the band about Stacie, Jesse went back inside. He hadn't ever really seen Cynthia Rose's bad side and surely had never witnessed anything like Stacie described. While he was confident that he could sway her, part of him wondered why he opened his mouth at all to Stacie. He couldn't help it though. The words fell out of his mouth like vomit. The cat was out of the bag and he couldn't rescind his offer, somehow, someway he had to convince Cynthia Rose that Stacie was, in fact, Pepper's replacement.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Cynthia Rose asked bluntly as he walked back in the room.

Jesse's eyes got big. Maybe Stacie was right. Maybe Cynthia Rose _was_ the spawn of Satan. "I went out back for a smoke and I called to check on Beca. She had a doctor's appointment today." Jesse noticed that with the mention of Beca's name that Cynthia Rose immediately backed off.

"Oh..." Cynthia Rose said. "Everything ok?"

Jesse smiled. "Yes, thank you. Mommy and baby are doing great." Jesse told himself that Cynthia Rose didn't have to know that Beca hadn't actually had an appointment that day. And it wasn't exactly a lie, Beca and the baby were both healthy and growing like weeds.

"Awesome, glad to hear it. Well guys, where were we?" Cynthia Rose asked no one in particular as she glanced at her clipboard. "Oh yes… so our next open audition will be Saturday after next. Same time, same place. In the meantime, I'll buy more radio spots and arrange to get some air time on Good Day L.A., The Early Show, Ellen DeGeneres and The Late, Late Show with James Corden. Guys, be ready for some camera time… early mornings, late nights. We need to do what it takes to find a replacement that would make Pepper proud and sell some fucking records!"

Jesse took a deep breath. "About that… I had an idea. It's kinda out there, but hear me out."

Cynthia Rose placed her clipboard down on the table, leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "This should be good."

"It is… I promise." That was the second time that he had made a promise and he hoped that he could make good on both.

"Well then, I'm all ears." Cynthia Rose said motioning that he had the floor.

"So, as I was walking out to call Beca, I overheard someone singing, so I followed the voice-" Jesse told them.

"-Does this little story have a point?"

"Yes! Did you know that Stacie can sing?"

" _MY_ Stacie?"

"Yes… your Stacie. Who else would I be talking about."

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"Anyway… she can really sing! Have you ever heard her?"

"No, I don't think I-"

"-Well… you're missing out! She's amazing and-"

"-And… is there a point to your fangirling over my assistant?" Cynthia Rose asked with an attitude.

"Yes… there is! I offered her Pepper's spot." Jesse said, clearly very proud of himself.

Cynthia Rose stood up and sent the chair she had been sitting in screeching across the floor. "You did what?"

And just like that... There it was. The attitude Stacie had told him about just a few minutes earlier.

"I offered Stacie the spot. She's the one… the one this group needs to soar back to the top of the charts!"

Turning toward the other members of the band Cynthia Rose took a deep breath and calmly said, "Will you guys excuse us? Jesse and I need to have a little come to Jesus meeting."

The guys immediately started to grab their belongings and head straight for the door. "Good luck dude and protect the family jewels!" They said in unison as they stumbled out the door, thanking God that it was Jesse in the hot seat and not them.

Cynthia Rose quickly rounded on Jesse. As she started to walk toward him, he started taking steps backwards. "What in God's name were you thinking?"

"I… I… I… uh… I... Stacie is amazing."

"You're right she is amazing… an amazing assistant. _MY_ amazing assistant. I can't get through a single damn day without her."

"But she was belting out R. Kelly."

"Your point?"

"Well… you have to admit… not many white girls can do that."

"Ok... I'll give you that one but just because she can belt out your wank tune doesn't mean that she's right for this group." She explained as she started to pace. "Do you know why I signed you?"

Jesse shrugged his shoulders. "As a favor to Beca?"

Cynthia Rose shook her head at Jesse's response. Taking yet another deep breath she said, "I always sign the same ol' group. The ones that I'm guaranteed will make money. The ones that have the fangirls going crazy and worshiping the blessed ground the band walks on. But so often, those groups turn out to be- I don't know- disappointing and, well... stupid. So you, with your good looks, impressive sound, a smile makes women for miles cream their panties and the wife that called in all her favors… Ugh! Do you know that she gave me this big speech about your so-called work ethic? She stuck her neck, her name and her reputation out there for you. She put it all out on the line. She risked everything for _YOU_! So I, um- I thought you would be different. I said to myself, go ahead. Take a chance. Sign the nobody based on his goo goo eyed wife's words. I had hope. My God... I thrive on it. I have put up with a lot from you. Your drug and alcohol addictions, your stents in rehab, your inability to record a single damn song without hacking up your fucking nicotine coated lungs. And then, today, you end up pulling this shit like you're the next Quincy Jones! What the fuck dude? You're a musician, not a record producer. That's _MY_ job… sooo… What. The. Actual. Fuck.?"

Jesse took in every word Cynthia Rose said. She was right. Beca had done everything she could to get him a record deal. She had called in every last favor she had because she believed in him… just like he believed in Stacie.

"Ok… look, I get it. I did something stupid. I made a decision without consulting anyone else. If it makes you feel any better, Stacie didn't accept my offer. She thinks I'm just as crazy as you do."

Cynthia Rose laughed. "Sounds 'bout right."

"So you _do_ think I'm crazy?"

"I don't think it… I know it." Cynthia Rose told him very matter of factly. "Swanson, this little stunt of yours better not have anything to do with the fact that your dick is feeling neglected lately _or_ because Stacie is extremely attractive and that she has a rack that every red blooded male West of the fucking Mississippi is drooling over."

Jesse blushed. "It doesn't… I swear."

"So… what song did you say was she singing?"

"Bump and Grind by R. Kelly." Jesse said smirking.

"HA! So she was singing your wank jam! I love it." She said doubled over laughing. "This is blackmail material."

"I didn't confirm or deny your guess about my ' _wank jam'_."

"Oh… you didn't have to. The truth was written all over your face!"

"It was not!"

"Seriously dude… you're gonna try to deny it?" Cynthia Rose said point to the very obvious tent in Jesse's pants.

Jesse danced around trying to adjust. "Whatever… look, if you would just give her a chance you'd see and hear that I'm right about this one. She's the one. She's the entire package. She's got it all."

"I'll tell you what… you convince Stacie to audition just like everyone else and I'll promise to listen _and_ give her a fair shot. But I have to tell you something Swanson… if you're right and I have to search for a new assistant, you're gonna convince Stacie to pull double duty until her office position is filled. _And_ … you're going to help me find her replacement, no matter how long it takes. Someone is going to have some mighty large shoes to fill."

"Deal!"

 **o~O~o**

Several days later, over lunch, Jesse finally managed to get Stacie to agree to audition. He explained to her that Cynthia Rose was not willing to just give her the spot because she worked for Columbia Records and that if she really wanted it, she was going to have to work for it just like everyone else. Stacie wasn't quite convinced and argued the point that Cynthia Rose would probably be even more critical but agreed, rather reluctantly, to audition.

Stacie explained to Jesse that she was extremely nervous about the audition. When Jesse asked her why, she took the time to explain that while she was a stripper four nights a week, taking her clothes off for strangers didn't compare to auditioning for a coveted spot in an up and coming band. Stacie cited that her stripper name Skye gave her a persona or alter ego, and that it was like acting a part. Jesse had laughed and said that she could give herself a stage name if it helped. Stacie saw his point but her desk job hadn't prepared her for what she considered could be a fate worse than death.

Jesse told Stacie that he would help her with the audition song, which gave her an unfair advantage but his balls were on the line with Cynthia Rose. He took Stacie in the studio, after hours, and helped to prepare her as much as he possibly could. He was committed to making sure that her audition stood above all the rest. As far as he was concerned, no one else needed to audition. She was the one he wanted.

In the days leading up to audition day, Stacie found herself daydreaming about no longer working the daily nine to five grind behind a desk. Early mornings weren't really her thing, especially since she had been stripping several nights a week to supplement her income. She imagined how different her life could be and wondered what she would spend her first paycheck on. She took the time to choose the perfect outfit for her audition. She wanted to look cool but professional, enticing but not slutty and, as she stood in front of her closet, smiled that she was taking longer to pick her clothes for audition day than she did for her nights working at the Spearmint Rhino.

On the day of auditions, Stacie was sick to her stomach and despite the healthy breakfast she prepared for herself, she found herself throwing it away. She was not usually one to get nervous but today was different. Today could be the day that changed the rest of her life… for the better.

She hadn't slept well the night before, which made the hours pass painfully slow. In the end, she called Jesse for advice.

Jesse smiled when he saw her number on his phone. "This is Jesse."

"Jess, it's Stace. I'm freaking out. I can't do this. Why did I let you talk me into this? CR was right, I'm not cut out for this. I'm going to cancel. I don't have it in me. I-"

"-Ok... breathe!" Jesse laughed. "Of course you can handle this."

"I can't Jesse." Stacie almost wailed back. "I don't have what it takes to do this."

"Why? What's changed?"

"What if I forget the words?"

"You start again."

"CR won't give me any second chances."

"I'll talk to her."

"She won't like you giving me special treatment."

"Leave CR to me." Jesse said with a sly smile. "What can I do to help?"

"I don't know. I-"

"-Want me to come over?"

"What now? Doesn't Beca need you?"

"Not right now. She's outside with the dogs. She won't miss me for a couple of hours."

"If you are sure."

"I'll be over in twenty minutes." Jesse said, and hung up before Stacie began freaking out again. He was still grinning to himself when Beca came in from the back yard, in search of something to drink.

"You look like the cat that got the cream!" Beca mused as she shut the kitchen door. "What's up?"

"Nothing." Jesse said, looking over at his wife and noticing that she looked a little dumpy these days. She wasn't wearing any makeup, her hair was tied up in a messy bun and she was wearing one of his old Rolling Stones tshirts and a pair of leggings. Not exactly what he would consider attractive. "What are you up to this afternoon?"

"I'm just gonna finish a few things in the baby's room, probably take a quick trip to the Mall to get some last minute things that I'll most likely need while I'm in the hospital. You wanna come with?" Beca asked.

"Um, I can't." Jesse said, a slight tremor running through him. "I've got a few errands to run. You ok to go by yourself?"

"Sure. I might give Amy a call instead and we can-"

"-Ok, cool. Catch you later then." Jesse said, before turning and walking out of the kitchen in one quick movement. He wanted to get away from Beca as soon as possible.

"Um, see ya." Beca called to her retreating husband.

 **o~O~o  
Final Auditions  
o~O~o**

The morning of auditions had finally arrived and Stacie wasn't sure what to feel. The night before had been interesting to say the least. She had never had any formal vocal lessons, it wasn't something that her parents could afford but she felt blessed that she had what she considered natural talent. Jesse had taken time out of his day and away from his wife to coach her. He made sure to tell her how to change the inflection in her voice so that she emphasized the right words at just the right times.

After working with Jesse, she was able to settle down and get a decent night's sleep, something she would definitely need if she was planning to get through auditions. As she prepared for the day ahead, she remembered several things Jesse told her the night before as they lay entwined on her sofa watching some lame ass John Hughes movie together. Jesse had strongly suggested that she avoid coffee, soda, dairy, citrus and anything that was ice cold as all of those things would affect the tone and sound of her voice. Realizing that left her with very few options from her kitchen, she decided to get ready and pick something up on the way to the hotel.

Stacie tried not to think about the night before too much as she stood in the line at the local Whole Foods Market. Guilt was not something that she carried around very often. Her other job had taught her that while she might take her clothes off for a living and entice plenty of married men to look at her, she wasn't usually in the habit of getting involved with any of them.

As she stood, cradling a large organic apple juice and bottle of overly priced water in her arms, she cast her mind back to the movie she and Jesse had watched. She could barely recall what it was because she was paying closer attention to Jesse's hands as they rubbed her feet and toes. He'd called it stress relief for her but she knew that he was getting just as much pleasure out of it as his hands crept further up, over her calves and up past her knees. She had thought at the time that it was a bit personal for an attached man, but this was Jesse, and he was a happily married man.

As the clock approached ten, Jesse had told Stacie that he needed to go and that she should try to get a good night's sleep before her big day. Stacie had explained that she was too wired to fall asleep right away. She could have sworn that she recognized the longing in Jesse's eyes as she stood to collect their glasses and take them to the kitchen. She saw it every night she worked at the Spearmint Rhino. For some reason, she liked the way Jesse looked at her and she felt it was only fair to give him something to go home with, after he'd given up most of his afternoon and evening to spend time with her.

She placed the glasses on the kitchen counter and was about to turn around when she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist and pull her backwards. She barely had time to react when she felt a pair of lips on her neck and a tongue drawing a teasing line across her skin.

Stacie shuddered at the memory as she walked up to the checkout counter at Whole Foods Market. She was so far away that the cashier had to raise her voice and tap the counter to grab Stacie's attention. Apologizing, Stacie handed over the cash in her hand and waited for her receipt before walking out of the store.

As she got out into the fresh spring air, she took a deep cleansing breath and tried to clear her mind. She needed to drop the guilt about what she'd done with a married man and focus on how well she slept the night before her audition. She was still on edge. Stacie felt like she had an extremely unfair advantage over the others but that didn't make her any less nervous.

As she sat in the room full of hopefuls, she filed her nails and listened to the tunes that played on her iPod. She was still trying to get her mind off Jesse and their little overnight tryst. She told herself that it could never and would never happen again. Jesse was married and his wife was due to have a baby very soon.

The audition process was grueling and long. While everyone literally only had a minute and thirty seconds in front of the judges, it ended up being the longest ninety seconds in all of eternity. Each person that auditioned had a score sheet which included their picture. At the end of each audition, notes were made on the score sheets before being placed in the "keep" or "toss" boxes under the table.

Since Stacie was auditioning, Cynthia Rose borrowed Zeke, the assistant of one of her coworkers. Of course she hadn't told Marisa that she needed Zeke because Stacie was auditioning. She simply told her that Stacie was unavailable. Marisa didn't need to know what was going on unless and until it was decided that Stacie would join The Riff.

When a decision was finally made about the top twenty contestants, Cynthia Rose handed the score cards to Zeke and asked that he dismiss everyone else who hadn't made it. He was also instructed to tell the top twenty that they had to select a song from a predetermined list and be ready to audition a second time.

The second round of auditions went much better than anyone expected. It went so well that making a final decision was going to be difficult at best. There were a few that stood out more than others but on a whole, everyone gave a polished performance.

After the final audition, the group had come to a unanimous decision and narrowed down the top twenty to the final five. It had finally come down to five outstanding and unique voices but all Jesse could think about was one. He didn't care about the others. In his mind, the decision was made.

In the middle of Jesse's daydream, Cynthia Rose stood up and began to pace, which immediately caught his attention. She told the group that it was imperative that they make a decision. She couldn't afford to book the hotel and get radio spots again because her budget, like her faith, was slowly dwindling.

Each of the top five had one final task… an interview with the band. One at a time the contestants were brought in for their interview. Each band member got to ask one question while Cynthia Rose took meticulous notes and listing pros and cons for each contestant. It was a bit like dissecting these people into tiny pieces before deciding that enough was enough and putting them back together again. After finally making a decision, Cynthia Rose gave a slip of paper to Zeke and asked that he escort the winner into the room.

As much as it pained Cynthia Rose to admit, Stacie was far more talented than she had ever given her credit for. When she was told that she was selected as Pepper's replacement the excited shrieks that escaped Stacie's bodacious body were deafening. Cynthia Rose was quite sure that they registered on the richter scale. Once Stacie came down from the rafters, she was told that she would be signed to a contract first thing on Monday morning. The band was then told that this meant that they would be going back in the studio and recording a new album in no time.

It would mean long days, late nights, multiple coffee runs and lots of greasy fast food but it would all worth it in the long run. Stacie was the perfect fit and was immediately able to slide right in and fill Pepper's shoes without batting an eyelash. In more ways than one.

Stacie was officially going to be living the life of a rockstar… as soon as she found and trained her replacement as Cynthia Rose's assistant.

She celebrated with Jesse that night.

 **o~O~o  
The Next Day  
o~O~o**

With her eyes still closed, Beca reached across to Jesse's side of the bed only to find that he wasn't there. The sheets were cold which meant one of two things, either he had been up for some time or he never came home. The Riff had finally found Chloe's replacement and decided not to waste anymore time. They were going to have a late night jam session in the recording studio. He promised to come home, but told Beca it would be pretty late and that she shouldn't wait up.

As Beca opened her eyes, she realized that Jesse hadn't been in the bed at all. Thinking that he might have actually slept downstairs or in the guest room so he wouldn't disturb her when he came in. Carefully reaching for her phone, Beca sent Jesse a quick text.

" _Donuts for breakfast? Little Miss and I would sure love a couple Bavarian Cremes! XOXO!"_

Beca smiled as she placed her phone back on the bedside table and tried to get out of bed, which was no longer a graceful act, in fact, it was becoming increasingly more difficult with each passing day. Leaning back against her mound of pillows, Beca giggled at herself as she imagined that she must have looked like a turtle on it's back.

What made getting up even harder was the fact that Beca no longer felt the desire to leave the bed. She only had a few weeks before the baby's arrival and sleep, or more accurately, deep sleep was getting to be a rarity. She was looking forward to maternity leave, which meant that she could sleep when the baby slept… or at least that's what her mom, Aubrey and all the baby books had told her. When she was finally able to get herself into a sitting position, she got on her feet and made her way to the bathroom as quickly as her short, little legs would take her.

While brushing her teeth, Beca walked to the window and glanced outside; it was an absolutely gorgeous Saturday morning. The sky was the most spectacular shade of blue and there wasn't a cloud to be seen. It was in that moment she decided to spend the day relaxing by the pool. Then another idea came to her. "Girls day!" She could call or text Aubrey and Amy to come over for a little impromptu girls day. Perhaps when Jesse got back, he would even fire up the grill for them.

Excitedly she went to her closet in search of a swimsuit that would fit her now curvy frame. She laughed. She didn't have any maternity swimsuit and had never actually given any thought to getting one. It wasn't like she and Jesse were spending any time in the pool anyway… not like they did when they had first started dating. Back then, you couldn't pay them to get out of the pool. They had had sex so many times in the damn thing that she was sure that the saltwater was at least fifty percent sperm. If the pool guy only knew what the pool walls had seen.

Shaking her head, she brought herself back to the present. She was on a mission to find a swimsuit to cover her goods and by God she was going to find one if it was the last thing she did that day.

Beca wasn't exactly sure how, but she had managed to pour herself into one of her pre-pregnancy bikinis. The top was a little tight in the cup but not uncomfortably so and the bottom covered what it needed to but not much else. Taking a sideways glance at herself in the full length mirror, she nodded and said "Yep… that'll do!" before pulling on her cover-up, sliding her feet into her favorite flip flops and heading downstairs.

Once downstairs, she looked for Jesse, who was nowhere to be found. Beca had hoped that meant that he went in search of her latest donut craving. She sighed… she could already taste the donuts and hoped that Jesse would be back soon.

Letting the dogs outside, she sat on the morning porch, enjoying the pleasant spring breeze and reflecting on all that had happened since the explosion. A few things weren't sitting right with her but she was unsure how to approach Jesse about it. When he told her about the explosion, he kept referring to David as his Dad, like he had known him his entire life. Jesse claimed to hate David, and never wanted anything to do with him but somehow, he was suddenly " _Dad"_. It just didn't make any sense.

The other thing that didn't make sense was David's marriage to Pepper. Was it a marriage of convenience, because it couldn't possibly be about love. That was just weird. And the baby? Babies were always considered a gift from God but David and Pepper having a baby… well, that was just gross. David was old enough to be Pepper's father and the baby's grandfather. What was Pepper thinking? Was she thinking at all? Was David even still able to father kids? Beca shuddered. That was a thought that she didn't want to have again. What Pepper and David did in their marriage and spare time was their business… or it used to be. They didn't have business anymore because they didn't have their lives and their poor baby never even had a chance.

The biggest question of all was, what did Jesse have to do with any of it? She knew that she needed to approach the subject with him but how? She knew that when and if she did, that it would have to be done with great care so as not to upset Jesse. They had been getting along much better and Beca really didn't want a bunch of turmoil in their lives when the baby arrived.

Beca shook her head. She didn't want to think about it anymore, she just wanted to enjoy the beautiful day. Picking up her phone, she sent a group text to Aubrey and Amy.

" _Girls day, my house. You bitches game?"_

Amy responded almost immediately. " _You got food?"_

" _YES! Steaks, chicken, veggies etc... You in?"_

" _I'm in! Do I need to bring anything?"_

" _Yourself and a swimsuit."_

" _Done! See you in a bit."_

" _Aub… you in?"_

" _Can't… Ben is camping with his college roommates this weekend."_

" _And?"_

" _And I have the girls."_

" _Well, I did say 'girls day' … and they have swimsuits and floaties here. Come on Aub… girl's day!"_

" _Ok! Ok! But if my kids get scarred for life because of Amy doing a naked cannonball into your pool, I'm blaming you!"_

" _They'll be fine! They're too little to remember anything anyway. "_

" _That's what you think! Forgetting anything Amy does is much harder than it sounds."_

" _Group text… still here." Amy interrupted._

" _Oh come on Aubrey!"_

" _Have you had the baby batter removed from the pool?"_

" _Baby batter?"_

" _Need I remind you what I caught you and Jesse doing in that pool?"_

" _The pool gets cleaned weekly and we haven't had sex in the pool in ages or anywhere at all actually!"_

" _Well… judging from your current situation, it hasn't exactly been ages now has it?"_

" _Ok, I'll give you that much. Are you coming over or what?"_

" _Alright… be there in an hour."_

" _You don't need to wait. Come over now."_

" _Gotta stop for sunscreen and swim diapers. I'll be there sooner if I can."_

" _Ok! See you when you get here!"_

Beca smiled as she went inside to prepare some snacks for herself and the girls. She couldn't wait to spend the day with a few of her favorite people, there was a lot of time to make up for and once her baby arrived she wasn't sure when they'd get another chance to have a day like this.

 **o~O~o**

Meanwhile Jesse sat alone in a bar on Sunset, staring at the double whiskey on the rocks that the bartender had placed in front of him thirty minutes earlier. He'd been looking at it so long, that the ice had melted and the glass left a sweaty ring on the coaster. As he tapped his finger in the puddle, further splashing the water across the highly polished bar, he contemplated his next move.

He knew that he needed to do _something_ but he wasn't sure what. He had already smoked his weight in cigarettes and the thought of drinking the whiskey was actually making him sick. But not as sick as his actions over the last few days. Everything everyone had ever said about him was right and he knew that the reason people, especially Beca, didn't trust him was because he was bad to the bone.

He turned his phone over in his hand and saw the dozens of messages and missed calls from Beca. He scrolled through the first few, grimacing as he saw the ones from first thing that morning where Beca was asking him for donuts. He paused halfway through and saw where she'd asked him to come home and help out with the barbecue for herself and the girls. He did smile when Beca was told him about Amy jumping into the pool and splashing the dogs so much that they hid behind the pool house for the rest of the afternoon until they dried out. He stopped at the last one from Beca which simply said ' _I love you xx'_ and felt his shoulders sag.

Sighing heavily, he ran his finger around the rim of the glass in front of him. He knew, this time, he'd gone too far. He also knew he couldn't help himself. He had broken his marriage vows in the worst possible way and there was no going back. Stacie had sworn that she wouldn't tell anyone what had happened between them, knowing that if the truth came out, she'd lose her place in the band. Jesse knew that Beca would never find out and the risk was worth taking if Stacie wanted it just as bad.

Coughing bitterly, Jesse reasoned he couldn't keep losing his mind over everything, he had to learn to put things to the side. He needed to concentrate on getting the next album out, deciding whether Stacie and her long legs was any better than the option available to him at home. Did he want to be desired in the way that Stacie wanted him or did he want to live under a set of rules in a home that wasn't his and never would be? Heartlessly, he knew he could stay put and live a comfortable life and maybe continue to see Stacie on the side. Making the band flourish was more important to him than anything else.

His face pinked heavily when he realized that his unborn daughter hadn't even made it onto his immediate priority list. She was his one chance at redemption. He could be the best daddy to her in the world, yet he hadn't even thought of her when he was listing the things that mattered the most. Coughing again into his sleeve, he shook off his sulk and decided to head home where he'd face the barrage of questions about where he had been all day. He'd just tell Beca he got lost in the music and hoped she wouldn't see the lies etched on his face.

Leaving a tip and his untouched drink on the bar, he made his way out of the door before the temptation to down the whiskey became all too much. He made his way to his car, parked two streets over and unlocked the door. He was about to get into the car when the phone buzzed in his pocket.

He prayed it was Stacie.


	40. Chapter 39 - Distance and Delivery

**o~O~o  
** **Chapter 39  
** **Distance and Delivery  
o~O~o**

 _"Baby mine, don't you cry._  
 _Baby mine, dry your eyes._  
 _Rest your head close to my heart,_  
 _Never to part, baby of mine._

 _Little one, when you play,_  
 _Pay no heed what they say._  
 _Let your eyes sparkle and shine,_  
 _Never a tear, baby of mine._

 _If they knew all about you,_  
 _They'd end up loving you, too._  
 _All those same people who scold you,_  
 _What they'd give just for the right to hold you._

 _From your hair down to your toes,_  
 _You're not much, goodness knows._  
 _But, you're so precious to me,_  
 _Sweet as can be, baby of mine."_

 **o~O~o  
Beca's Journal Entry  
** **May 6, 2015  
DUE DATE!  
** **o~O~o**

Every day since I found out that I was pregnant, I've been concerned. Concerned for my health and for the health of my unborn baby. I've done absolutely everything within my power to make sure that my baby is safe. I refused to travel more than a couple of hours outside of the Los Angeles area and _never_ on a plane. I told Sawyer that I wasn't going to risk another baby, which I don't think surprised him. I didn't do anything to jeopardize the pregnancy.

Every night since I found out that I was pregnant, I've worried. I've worried that the baby would come too early. I worried that the baby would be too small and most of all, I worried that the baby wouldn't make it. I worried that this baby would leave me much too soon… like Bodhi did. My precious, tiny baby boy fought hard but it was just too early and wasn't meant to be. I know that now and while I'll never get over it, I've learned to accept it and tuck it away in a corner of my heart.

Since I found out that I was having a daughter, I've worried if I'll be a good mother or not. A mother that a daughter can be proud of. I've wondered if my relationship with my daughter would be anything like the one I have with my mom. While my mom pushes all of my buttons and gets on my nerves ninety five percent of the time, I love her beyond words and comprehension. She's my best friend, my biggest supporter and my confidant and I've worried if I can be all of those things for my daughter. I've worried if _I_ will be enough.

My mom made it look easy. Everything sort of just... well, it all just happened. I was fed on time. I was dropped off and picked up from school on time every day. Without fail. I know that there were many times that she went without a lunch break at work so she could be home with Luke and I after school. She listened to my enthusiastic pre teen exurburence and put up with my teenage angsty stage. And that's just a couple of things. What if I never get organised? What if I can't get into a routine? What if I fail? I know my mom had my dad to help and I guess that leads me to something else.

My other concern and worry… my husband.

I've given Jesse everything I have to give and so much more and I get very little in return. I don't ask for much… at least I don't think I do. I've loved and stood by him through all of the storms he's gone through over the last several years. I've forgiven him for everything he's done and everything he's put us through. Over the last couple of years, I've found out the hard way that there is no greater pain in this world than watching someone you love with your entire being, love their drinks and their drugs more than they have ever loved you.

I crave so much more than just a physical connection with Jesse, that's something we've never really had a problem with. What I crave is his time, his smile, his happiness, his honesty, who he is, who he was and who he has yet to be. I want to know that I'm a priority in his life… not an option.

All I've ever wanted was for him to love me the way I love him but I realize now that Jesse can't love me the way I need him to, because he doesn't love himself. If he can't love himself how can he possibly love anyone else.

Deep down, I know it's not his fault. He didn't exactly have the stable, cookie cutter home life that showed him genuine affection and care. His grandmother, bless her, did all she could but with a new grandson being popped out every year or so, she simply couldn't cope.

Lately Jesse seems so checked out, unconcerned and ungrateful. He takes every opportunity to leave the house. If it doesn't revolve around him or his music, he wants absolutely no part of it. It makes me wonder if he even wants to be a husband and father.

Maybe I'm being overly dramatic but my heart breaks for my daughter… will she ever truly know her father's love? Will she ever know what it's like to cuddle in his lap while he reads her a bedtime story? Will she ever know the comfort of his arms when she's sick or after a bad dream? Will she ever be the twinkle in his eye? The skip in his heart? Will she ever know about father daughter dates and dances? Or will she be the sad little girl that misses out on all of those things because her daddy was too busy to give her the time of day?

Will she have even a nth of what I have in my dad?

 **o~O~o  
Mother's Day  
** **May 10, 2015** **  
** **Beca's POV  
** **o~O~o**

 **" _Labor is the only blind date where you  
_ _know you'll meet the love of your life."_**

It sounds so cliche to say that I woke up shortly after Midnight with the first signs of labor but... I actually did and seriously, what were the chances that I'd go into labor on Mother's Day anyway? If I had to guess when I'd go into labor, Mother's Day would not have been the day I would have picked. For some crazy reason I was certain Cinco de Mayo would have been _the_ day, especially since the baby was so active that day. But that day had come and gone and even though I ate super spicy Mexican food that day in an attempt to start labor, this little girl wasn't having any of it. She was perfectly content to stay put for a few more days.

Not only did I make it the entire forty weeks, I made it four days past my estimated due date. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that would happen or that I'd get to meet my daughter on my very first Mother's Day but here I am and I couldn't be more excited.

I was home alone and in hindsight, I probably should have taken Luke and Amy up on their offer to keep me company. Both were worried that I'd go into labor alone. Honestly, what were the chances that they'd be right especially since I was beginning to think that I'd be pregnant forever. This little girl is cozy and warm in there. She's got it made in there... why should she come out?

I spent the evening at home with Chinese take out and a movie. It was a quiet evening, just me and my fur babies, but it was a perfect night. The only thing that would have made the evening better was if Jesse had been home.

When I realized I was in labor and that it was the real thing, I tried calling and texting Jesse but I couldn't get in touch with him… lately, that's no big surprise. What Jesse doesn't realize, or maybe it's that he doesn't care, but I worry about him when he doesn't answer his phone especially since he's developed that horrible, nagging cough that just doesn't seem to get better or go away. I know that it's probably from the long hours and all nighters in the studio, of course, smoking like a chimney doesn't help… at all. He's been burning his candle from both ends for far too long. Maybe, just maybe, once the baby and I get home, I can convince him to take some time off. A little family time might really do him some good.

It might do _us_ some good too.

Before he left for the evening, Jesse told me that he wouldn't be home until around three. Apparently, a friend of Cynthia Rose's was throwing a private party at The Hard Rock and requested that the band play. All of the Hollywood elite, along with a lot of big names in music were supposed to be there. Cynthia Rose was always trying to get Jesse and The Riff out there and thought that it would be in the best interest of the band to play at the party. Not to mention, there was a handsome payment for playing and for some reason Jesse said that he really needed the extra cash but for the life of me, I don't know why.

As much as I wanted to show my support by going to hear the band play as I was curious how they sounded with the addition of Stacey, but considering my current situation, it definitely wasn't in my best interest. The last thing I needed was to go into labor at a bar. But I have to admit, I missed seeing Jesse in his element. I missed the music. I missed the roar of the crowd and the excitement that came before, during and after his performances. I resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to wait until he got home to hear all about it and hope that Cynthia Rose had at least taken a few videos for me for me to watch.

Believing Jesse would be home soon, I sent him another text to let him know that I was in labor. It was hard not to get excited. My baby girl had finally decided that today was the day, at least I hoped that was the case. If she was anything like her Aunt Amy, she could just be playing her first of many jokes.

I paced the house because I read that walking during labor was beneficial. I walked up and down the stairs so many times that I lost count. I would stop, sway and breathe through each contraction. I practiced my breathing as I rubbed the belly that I knew would soon be gone.

I had read all the books, as in every single one written, and knew that going to the hospital too early could end one of two ways. I would be sent home because I wasn't any where near close to delivery or they would try to medicate me to speed things along. I didn't want either, so between contractions, I decided to make sure that I had everything we'd need for the hospital in my suitcase.

For an hour, I stood next to my bed, unfolding and refolding everything in my bag. And because I was so anal retentive about everything, I also checked and rechecked the packing app on my phone against the things that I had in my suitcase.

 ** _*Pajamas… check_**  
 ** _*Slippers… check_**  
 ** _*Toothpaste… check_**  
 ** _*Mouthwash… check_**  
 ** _*Deodorant… check_**

Once I was satisfied that everything I needed was there, I carefully re-packed the suitcase with calculated precision before doing the same with the baby's bag. I had the sweetest little sleepers, with matching headbands packed for the hospital. I hoped that Jesse and I would have settled on a name by now because I wanted to get a monogrammed outfit for the baby to come home in but no such luck. As I went through her things, I opened the baby lotion and squirted some in my hand before taking a big whiff. The lotion smelled so sweet.

With my bag and the baby's bag packed and placed by the door, I began my next task… cleaning my already spotless house. Silvana would have had my head on a platter if she knew what I was doing. I scrubbed and mopped any and every thing that stood still. I went so far as to pull everything out of the fridge and freezer and wipe it all down with bleach before carefully putting everything back in its place. Afterwards, I realized that inhaling the bleach fumes probably wasn't the best idea so I took a slow walk around the back yard to clear my head. The dogs watched with interest from the morning porch.

Between contractions, I checked emails, both personal and work. I was thrilled to see the application for the Woodland Hills Private Preschool. The wait list for Woodland Hills is unbelievable and you basically have to register your child the minute they're out of the womb to ensure that you get a spot. Crazy, I know, but she has to get into the best preschool, second best just isn't good enough… not for _my_ girl. I'd register her now if I knew what her name was going to be. This is the stuff I think about when I'm home alone and Jesse is out… doing whatever he's doing.

I could hardly sit still by the time I got to my work emails. I knew that responding to emails in the wee hours of the morning would get me into hot water with Sawyer but I needed to do something to keep myself occupied. I needed to have control over something and this was something I could do without fear of being stressed out. I scheduled a studio session for my newest client and sent Kimmy a reminder to FaceTime me before the session started.

I eventually tried to lay down in hopes of getting some rest, but that's when the baby seemed to get more active. She didn't want me laying still, she wanted me up and moving around. I was beginning to realize why some couples decide to have sex once labor starts. Sex was the absolute last thing on my mind. In fact, Jesse and I hadn't had sex in months and that wasn't a horse I was ready to get back on anytime soon. I've always been comfortable with my body but the thought of sex was kinda disgusting.

Hours went by and Jesse still wasn't home nor had he read or responded to my text messages. I tried calling but my calls were going straight to voicemail. It was more than a little unnerving that he wasn't responding. I had Cynthia Rose's cell number and could have called her but it wasn't her place to track down my husband.

The contractions were getting stronger and closer together but not quite close enough to head to the hospital. I remembered reading that women could labor and even deliver babies in water so I decided that a nice warm bath sounded perfect. It would help to calm my rapidly fraying nerves and maybe keep me from wondering why my husband still wasn't home at nearly six in the morning.

I enjoyed a nice long lavender bath, keeping track of my contractions on my phone. In between contractions, I read a trashy novel on my kindle before deciding that I should shave my legs, after all, I wanted to look and feel my best when I finally became a mother. I continued to lay in the tub while the water drained then got out and scrubbed the tub to within an inch of life before taking a shower and washing my hair.

I took my time drying and curling my hair. I picked out the cutest maternity dress in my closet and slipped it on, knowing it was the last time I'd wear it for a while. I refused to be the new mommy that arrived and left the hospital in mismatched pajamas and fuzzy slippers or even worse, her husband's ratty old sweats. Just because I was becoming a Mommy didn't mean I needed to look the part. When I was finally finished ' _painting and spackling'_ my face as Jesse called it, I looked like I was ready for Sunday brunch with my mom, not like someone who was going to give birth in the very near future.

At ten, I called my midwife and gave her the rundown. I was still tolerating the pain well and she told me that as long as I was comfortable and my water hadn't broken I could stay at home, which was good news, especially since I still hadn't heard from Jesse.

Once again, I tried calling Jesse, and once again, my call went directly to voicemail.

" _Hey babe, it's me… ah-gain. Just wanted to let you know that I've been in labor since around Midnight. My contractions are pretty consistent but my water hasn't broken so I can stay home for a while longer to wait for you. I'm getting really worried that I haven't heard from you. Call me. I love you."_

I didn't know if my calls going to voicemail was deliberate or if his phone was dead. Either way, it left me wondering, " _He should have been home hours ago." and "Where the hell could he be?"_

I labored at home until just after lunch before deciding that it was time to go to the hospital. Twelve hours of laboring solo was enough. With contractions happening every four to five minutes, I knew that I couldn't drive myself. My parents were at the Mother's Day church service. They offered to come over and wait with me when I called them but I insisted that they go to church. Dad promised that they would come over right after church let out. Jesse was still MIA, so I called Luke. Yes, I could've called an Uber or a cab but I didn't want to be judged for being pregnant and going to the hospital alone. I know it's silly and that women all over the world have babies alone every day but I didn't want to be one of them. Truth be told, I'd imagined this day every day for the last nine months and every time, Jesse was with me.

Luke was more than willing to take me to the hospital. In fact, he was at my house within twenty minutes of me calling. Of course, his first question was " _where's the douchebag this time?"_ He knew that I didn't have the answer to his question but needed to get his dig in anyway because he said he was always there in a pinch. When Luke got to the house, he put the dogs out one last time then called Amy to ask her to check on them again in a couple of hours. As Luke put the bags in the trunk, he threatened that if my water broke in his car, that I'd have to buy him a new one. After all of the times he's bailed me out, I should probably just buy him a new one on principle. I'll keep it in mind for his next birthday.

As we drove to the hospital, Luke would reach over and hold my hand when the contractions got bad. It was like instinct kicked in for him. He talked me through each one, reminding me to breathe and to take deep cleansing breaths when I could. He was a great coach… one would swear that he was the baby's Daddy.

When we arrived at the hospital, the nurse did just that. "I'll push your wife in the wheelchair, you get those bags and come this way Daddy." She told him. Neither of us corrected her. Part of me wished that the nurse was right. Lord knows things would be so much easier.

Luke paced the floor like an expectant father as I got settled into my labor and delivery suite. When the on-call doctor came in to check my progress, Luke stepped into the hall to give me some privacy. We had shared a lot over the years, but neither of us was prepared to be _that_ close. Even best friends have to draw the line somewhere.

When the doctor left reality hit me like a shit ton of bricks. I was more than halfway to the finish line, hell I was damn near there already and I had done it all alone. Again. I thought about calling Jesse one last time but ultimately decided that it would be a complete waste of time. Jesse wasn't coming and I mentally began preparing myself to have this baby alone. At the rate the day was going, I wasn't sure when or if this baby girl would actually get to meet her Daddy.

Luke returned a short time later armed with a pitcher of ice chips and two popsicles. As I ate the popsicles, I filled him in on my progress. I was seven centimeters dilated and one hundred percent effaced, I realized that he was more interested than Jesse had ever been. He wanted to know if Dr. Kaiser was on the way, which she was, how I was feeling and if I needed anything. I told him that the doctor guessed that I'd have the baby before dinner, which was welcomed news since I hadn't eaten much all day.

Luke told me that while he had been in the hall, he tried to get in touch with Jesse to no avail. He had even gone down to the registration desk to ask that they check to see if Jesse was a patient. I desperately tried not to think the worst, like Jesse had fallen off the wagon, yet again, gotten drunk and ended up in a ditch or worse yet had a drug overdose. My stomach clenched and I was hit with this awful wave of nausea.

My parents and MawMaw came to the hospital straight from church. They were deliriously happy that the baby was finally coming. I almost think that they were more excited than I was. My mom fussed over me and waited on me hand and foot while Luke continued to search for Jesse. I could tell that he was getting angrier by the minute but he was trying very hard to maintain his composure so I wouldn't get upset.

I'd never been so happy to have Luke near by.

My dad wasn't very pleased about my husband being MIA either. He had given Jesse the benefit of the doubt when no one else would and this was the thanks he got. I was beginning to think that this was a hole that Jesse wouldn't be able to dig himself out of. My dad didn't give very many chances so it was best not to blow the ones you had. Jesse was blowing through chances like a crackwhore with her next fix.

I went into hard active labor shortly after four and for a short time considered the juice. It hurt so bad but after a short pep talk from my mom, I realized that I had come so far without it and really didn't need it. Things got intense very quickly. My dad, Luke and Mawmaw left the room and headed to the waiting room while my mom stayed with me. She was absolutely amazing.

Jesse showed up as the baby crowned.

Of course, he was ready to take over at that point, telling my mom "I've got this Anne. You can go." I wasn't kicking my mom out at that point, which pissed Jesse off. He felt that it should have been just me and him in the room when the baby was born. He forfeited that right by ignoring my calls and texts all damn night and day. I can only assume he was sleeping off his hangover or in the studio recording. The other option was one that I couldn't think about or verbalize.

After seventeen very long hours of labor and a completely drug free birth, my sweet little angel finally arrived with the help of Dr. Kaiser and my wonderful midwife. It's true what they say… you really do forget all about the pain the second your eyes meet those of your new baby.

The baby is absolute perfection in every way imaginable. At only five pounds seven ounces and seventeen inches long, she's tiny but I wasn't expected to have a large baby anyway. It looked as if my girl was going to be a petite little princess.

Jesse looked like he would have rather been anywhere than in the delivery room. That may have had something to do with my mom and the daggers she was shooting out of her eyes at him. I think he expected me to put her out once he got there. He knew that he was going to need a really good story to wiggle his way out of being with me all day.

When my mom stepped out of the room to go let everyone else know that the baby arrived, Jesse finally held our daughter but he still hadn't really said anything to me. In fact, he had hardly looked at me.

I watched as he marveled about how beautiful the baby was and how she looked like me but he never actually said anything directly to me. Part of me wonders if he's acting this way because of the way I was with him after Bodhi died. I can admit that I had pushed him away, which was wrong but I honestly thought we were past that… I guess I was wrong. I'd give anything to be able to take that back, but I can't, all I can do at this point is to let him have the time he needs with this baby.

When I asked where he had been, he said "studio" but then he fumbled as he tried to elaborate on his response. I was waiting for his answer when we were interrupted by my crazy little MawMaw barreling into the room and demanding to hold her great granddaughter.

While my MawMaw fought Jesse for the baby, my parents were doting over me. My dad was absolute mush as he kissed my forehead and said " _My baby has a baby of her own now."_ Dad wanted to know how I was and if I needed anything, something my husband had yet to ask. I didn't tell my dad that tidbit though. I don't really think I needed to, the tension in the room was so thick that it could have been cut with a knife.

When my dad held the baby he lost it. He cried and said that she was my perfect mini me and that she looked exactly like I did right after I was born. I respectfully disagree. She's definitely a very good combination of both me and Jesse.

When Jesse stepped out "for some air" Luke asked if he could hold the baby. I guess he didn't think he could ask as long as Jesse was in the room. He lit up like a shiny new penny when he held her. Even my mom and MawMaw noticed. He said that looking at the baby was like looking at all of my baby pictures. He couldn't get enough of her. I think he's going to have the most trouble leaving this evening. She had more kisses from Luke than the rest of the family put together. He counted her fingers and asked if he could undo the blanket so he could see her toes. He stroked her face ever so gently when she whimpered and held her so carefully, it brought a tear to my eye. There was no one I trusted more with my precious cargo than Luke. And I included Jesse in that thought.

Our evening was full of visitors. The only time I seemed to be in the room alone was when Little Miss wanted to nurse. Everyone seemed to run out of the room at feeding time which I was grateful for. I love my family and friends but those special moments with my daughter are the ones that I'll cherish forever.

Aunt Gail and Uncle John came by and brought dinner for everyone, which was nice. Nothing fancy, but it was good and everyone seemed to enjoy it. We all sat around talking about how different the holidays would be this year with three babies. Penny and Pru are mobile and into everything now and this little girl will be well on her way to being all over the place by then too.

Aubrey, Ben and the girls, Amy, Lilly, Kimmy and even Sawyer all came by. Penny and Pru loved the baby. I think they thought that she was a doll. When Aubrey held the baby she told Ben, with tears in her eyes, " _we're having another baby."_ Poor Ben looked like he was going to be sick. He wasn't sure if she was serious or not… in fact, neither am I.

Amy, God love her, was actually very sweet with the baby. She couldn't get enough of her. I have a feeling that our strange little family is going to be growing quite a bit in the very near future. Amy did threaten to perform a strange Aussie birthing dance for the baby but thankfully, as she had no name yet, Amy said it would have to wait.

Lilly and Kimmy were even super sweet. They brought all of my favorite treats and some cute little outfits for the baby. I was initially extremely concerned when Lilly held the baby but she was gentle and sweet and didn't pull out any ninja warrior moves or weapons. She was surprisingly quite normal… if there is such a thing when talking about Lilly.

And Sawyer, oh Sawyer… big, bad, tough Sawyer. He wasn't so big or so bad when he was holding my daughter. He bought her a pink sparkly Neumann KMS 104 microphone because he said he knew that music and singing was in her blood and that she was destined to be a star. Those damn things cost well over a thousand dollars a piece and that's not the special order ones. Then he promised her that "Uncle Sawyer is going to spoil you rotten, Princess." I don't think he saw the tears in my eyes or he'd have laughed at me.

What was pretty obvious was that Jesse seemed extremely distracted and preoccupied. He didn't mind helping with the baby, but would shut down if I tried to talk to him. He was constantly texting and really didn't care who was visiting or how long they stayed. He was completely and totally oblivious to anything and everything going on around him.

The one question everyone had was " _What's her name?"_ . I tried to play it off by saying that we just wanted to spend some time getting to know her before we decided but I don't think anyone was buying what I was trying to sell. In truth, we still hadn't agreed on the baby's name and Jesse didn't seem to want to discuss it with others present. Every time I brought it up he just kind of grunted and carried on with his texting.

After everyone left the hospital, including Jesse, who said he was going home to shower, change and let the dogs out, it was just me and the baby and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Jesse was far too eager to leave, I wouldn't have thought that of him, especially after losing Bodhi, but I didn't stop him either. He didn't want to be at the hospital so I wasn't going to force him to stay and I damn sure wasn't going to beg either. I mean, what was the point, making him stay would have accomplished absolutely nothing at all.

I thought I'd have to fight him just to be able to nurse the baby but he had hardly held her at all. He was acting very odd but I couldn't put my finger on any one thing in particular that it could have been.

As I looked into the face of the perfect, tiny angel laying in my arms, I felt content and complete. I wondered if this beautiful little girl would ever know what she really meant to me. After losing Bodhi, I did everything by the book. I couldn't bear to lose another baby and I prayed that she would forgive me for being overprotective.

I tried calling and texting Jesse after he left, thinking that since he was home, he might be less distracted and more willing to discuss the baby's name. My calls and texts went unanswered. Her name had been a huge bone of contention with us both for a while, especially after I named Bodhi without his consent… which I can admit now that I did out of spite because he wasn't with me when I needed him most. He had promised to be there… and he wasn't. I can admit now that I was angry. I was angry at him for being right and for telling me not to go to Vegas, I was angry at God because he took my baby away from me and I was angry with myself for being so damned irresponsible during my pregnancy.

From the minute I knew the baby was a girl, I knew what I wanted to name her had to be as special as she was. I had been looking at the baby name books for weeks when I finally came across the name Lila, one of the meanings was 'dark-haired beauty'. I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that the baby would have beautiful dark hair and felt that the name would suit her well.

Jesse liked the name Lila, mostly because it was different, but he actually preferred Delilah. I, on the other hand, didn't like Delilah and not because I was trying to get my way or be difficult. Delilah means 'seductive' and I just couldn't picture my beautiful baby girl being seductive. We agreed to look for a few other names before making a final decision.

A week later, Jesse came to me with the name Lola. I was indifferent about the name until looked it up and found that it meant 'lady of sorrows'. I could feel every move the baby made; I knew every swipe, jab, kick and hiccup; she was anything but sorrowful. She was excited and exuberant and needed a name that suited her better. So, it was back to the drawing board.

Each name Jesse came to me with was worse than the last. He actually suggested we name the baby Portia, which means pig or hog… I put my foot down. I was not naming my daughter something that meant pig. Her name is something that will follow her for the rest of her life, so selecting the perfect name was on the top of my to do list.

I remember the last conversation about the baby's name like it was yesterday.

 **" _Bec… what about the name Mercedes?" Jesse asked from the bedroom._**

 ** _I thought for sure that I must have heard him wrong. "What was that?" I asked as I towel dried my hair._**

 **" _Mercedes… what do you think?"_**

 _ **I smiled. "Great car! Comfy too!"**_

 _ **Jesse huffed. "No, not the car."**_

 _ **"Then what are you talking about?"**_

 _ **"I meant for the baby's name."**_

 **" _I think… no."_**

 **" _Ok… What about Lexus?" He asked as he continued to thumb through the baby name book._**

 **" _No."_**

 **" _So you're not even going to think about it." He asked as he walked in the bathroom._**

 **" _Nope."_**

 **"W _hat about Camry, Nova, Caprice?"_**

 **" _You know what I think? I think, no… wait! Let me take that back," I said putting my finger up to quiet him. "I know you're out of your damn mind."_**

 ** _Jesse laughed. "Why?"_**

 **" _Do you seriously want to name our daughter after a car?"_**

 **" _They're nice names."_**

 **" _They're stripper names! What's next? Pinto!"_**

 ** _He laughed a big belly laugh. "Well, of course I wouldn't suggest Pinto… that's just stupid."_**

I swore he wasn't taking this seriously and he was being a total ass about the entire thing.

"Well little one, looks like it's just you and me tonight. Daddy's not here because he went home to see your furry brother and sister. Jagger and Roxie have been waiting to meet you. They're really big and they look scary but I promise all they want to do is lick your sweet face and cuddle." Beca said to the baby as she stroked her sweet, rosy little cheeks.

"We need to give you a name my sweet girl. Last week, your Daddy suggested the name Sophia. It's not a bad name but I have to be honest, I'm not really crazy about it and it's not because it has a crazy meaning. I just don't think it fits you. What do you think?"

Beca watched as the baby yawned and made a sour face then started to whimper. "Yeah, that's what I thought too. It's a pretty name, it's just not _your_ name. What about Meghan? Meghan is another favorite of your Daddy's. It means Pearl… and you are very unique just like a Pearl. Are you feeling that name at all?"

Once again, the baby squirmed and wiggled. She yawned and whimpered. "Not so much, huh? Wanna hear the name that I just fell in love with for you?"

The baby snuggled into Beca a bit more and blinked her eyes as if to say, " _Hit me with the next option Mommy."_

"So, here goes. If you don't like it's ok. We can pick something else. We're going to be here for a couple days so we've got nothing but time to figure it out." Beca smiled as the baby yawned again. She was apparently bored with all the idol chit chat. "So, what about... Lila Kathryn? Do you like that name? Anne or Kathryn have to be in your name somewhere because Daddy kinda promised your Lovie that we'd name a baby after her so..."

The baby made a very contented sigh and snuggled in closer to Beca. "Well baby girl, I guess that's it… well, as long as Daddy likes it. I kinda got in trouble for naming your brother without consulting Daddy first. So, if I name you without asking his opinion, I would imagine that he may never speak to me again. If Daddy likes the name Lila Kathryn, then your Lovie will be so happy to find out that you've been given her middle name. Kathryn is also crazy MawMaw's middle name. They can't wait to spoil you rotten." Beca told the baby as she began rooting around and asking to be fed. "You've been named after a couple of very strong, very important women."

 _ **"I've loved you from the very start.  
You stole my breath, embraced my heart.  
Our life together has just begun.  
You're the best part me, my precious little one."**_

Beca had no idea that love could be _so_ instant. Sure she had fallen for Jesse pretty quickly but even that hadn't prepared her for the amount of love she could feel for her own child. She always knew that she loved her daughter from the moment she found out she was pregnant but nothing and no one could have prepared her for just how much her heart was going to swell the instant she met her daughter for the very first time. Beca loved Bodhi and she always would, but loving him would always be different.

She was overcome with emotion and found herself just staring endlessly at the baby in her arms and hoping, praying that she could be half the mother that her mom was to her. Beca and her mother, for all their faults and differences, shared a bond that was unshakable and it worried her that she'd never measure up, that she'd never be for Lila what her mother was for her.

Finally having her baby girl in her arms made her miss Bodhi even more than she ever had before. She wondered what he would have been like and if he would have favored Jesse or herself. Even with as tiny as he was, Beca could tell that he would have been beautiful. Jesse couldn't and wouldn't look for any great length of time. He refused. He had been absolutely devastated when he found out that Bodhi was gone and to be honest, Beca wasn't quite sure that he'd ever forgiven himself for not being there. Beca was convinced that Bodhi's death is what caused Jesse to start drinking again.

Beca allowed herself a few tears in memory of Bodhi. She wasn't shutting the door on him in any way, shape or form and her heart had a tiny place for her son that no one else would ever share. She loved him. She missed him. But holding Lila in her arms, she felt a warmth flow through her. As she settled back against the pillows, she felt strangely at peace with not having Bodhi in her arms. While Lila couldn't replace Bodhi, she was the bandaid on the broken arm and, to Beca, in that moment, that was the most healing her heart had done in sixteen months.


	41. Chapter 40 - Viruses and Visitors

**A/N: Today is my birthday but y'all are getting the birthday present! A new chapter... YAY! I put the finishing touches on this baby earlier today. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post but then thought... why wait?!**

 **To my fabulous beta Mrs. Waatp... thank you for being my best friend & biggest cheerleader. You're the bestest! xx**

 **HariboJunkie... I hope that I was able to get this chapter out quick enough.**

 **As always, I appreciate each and every one of you and welcome your reviews. I love hearing from all of you.**

* * *

 **o~O~o  
Chapter 40  
Viruses and Visitors  
o~O~o**

Surprisingly Beca actually slept well in the slightly squeaky hospital bed. She was glad she wasn't sharing the room with someone else; the squeaks were quite loud and she wasn't sure she wanted to have a conversation about it with someone she barely knew. Having to explain that it was the bed making ' _those'_ sounds, and not her ass would have made sharing the room very uncomfortable.

She laid in bed as she listened to the faint sounds of women laboring, followed by tiny but, lusty cries as brand new babies took their first breaths. She counted six new people joining the world since her little one had been born.

One of her nurses had come through long after everyone had left and had asked to take the baby to do the second round of newborn checks. Beca ached to be with her daughter the second she left until she was placed back in her arms a short while later. Holding her baby in her arms made her finally feel complete and made her time on the planet seem worthwhile.

She was quite overwhelmed by her feelings.

She was completely and utterly in love with her daughter and wave after wave of every emotion hit her like a warm breeze, followed by a thunderstorm in her gut and then

onto a unicorn playing a harp. She really wanted to tell someone her feelings but the someone who should have been by her side, simply wasn't there.

She'd laid the baby in her bassinet and had closed her eyes to sleep. At first, she dozed, waking up every couple of minutes to check on her. She finally managed a ten minute stint before sitting up in a rush and looking over to the empty crib.

Panic immediately surrounded her until she heard a soft murmuring in the dark corner of the room. She blinked a couple of times, hoping it was Jesse and not a nurse who might think she was an unfit mother for sleeping through her daughter's first few hours.

She wasn't surprised when she saw that it was Luke, holding the baby so tenderly and looking at her so lovingly and quietly whispering into her ear.

'... see where the problem lies little one?" He murmured, tucking a kiss onto the top of her tiny head. "The Queen won't be able to make you a proper Princess because you were born here but I guarantee you, we'll find a way to make sure you wear a crown nonetheless. You deserve the world little one."

Beca smiled. She had no idea what Luke was talking about but pulled her knees up to her chest, as far as they would go around her softening belly, and laid her head on her knees to listen to her best friend talk to her baby.

"And when you are old enough, Uncle Luke will take you to England and you can ride the donkey's on the beach and eat fish and chips and we'll go to visit all the places that make England great. Uncle Luke will show you his corner of the world. And if she's good, we'll take your Mommy too."

"That sounds great." Beca whispered into the dark room and watched Luke spin around.

"Oh, I thought you were asleep. Sorry."

"No need to apologize dude." Beca said as Luke walked towards her, expertly holding the baby to his chest as he bent down to kiss Beca's cheek.

"I didn't mean to pick her up. It was her idea." Luke said, nodding down towards the newborn.

"Her idea, huh?"

"Yes, indeed. I came in here to bring you some tea and she called me over with her tiny voice..." Luke explained before putting on a fake child falsetto voice. "' _Uncle Luke, I need a cuddle as Mommy has fallen asleep. Pick me up Uncle Luke!'_ I heard it clear as day."

"Oh really?" Beca laughed, holding out her arms for the baby.

"Yes. Absolutely."

"Well, I have a miracle for a child then. One who talks at less than twelve hours old."

"I guess so!" Luke grinned.

"Amazing that she managed to speak before she learned where her butthole is."

"Amazing that this beautiful child has a mother who mentions ugly things in her presence." Luke smirked. "And you can sit there with your arms waving about for the baby, but she's mine for the next few minutes. You'll have to get used to sharing her."

"Thank you Luke."

"What for?"

"For loving my daughter the way I do."

"Well, just look at how perfect she is." Luke said, moving the blanket away from the baby's face. "I didn't know tiny little people could have such long, beautiful eyelashes. They are just like yours."

"And how do you know what my eyelashes look like?" Beca joked.

"I know everything there is to know about you. My memory is long, very long. And I already love this little girl more than my signed Jimi Hendrix guitar." He looked down at his Goddaughter again. "Which she can have, along with all of my worldly possessions, right now. I no longer care about any of it."

Beca looked thoughtfully at Luke for the longest time as he snuggled her daughter in his arms. She knew her best friend was in her life for the long haul but the way he'd taken to her daughter was beyond anything she could have hoped for. He was so sweet in the way he gently stroked her cheek and kept tucking the blanket around her, unable to keep still.

"Dude..." Beca suddenly asked, breaking the spell. "It's oh-so-dark-thirty. Why are you even here?"

"Well, I thought you might need the company. Knowing you the way I do, I knew you'd have a hundred different emotions running through you and you wouldn't be able to express them so you'd either start talking to yourself or worrying. So I thought I'd show up with Starbucks and sit with you for a bit."

Beca's eyebrows shot into her hairline. How did Luke know so much about her feelings when her husband couldn't even say thank you to her for birthing his daughter?

"Actually, that's a lie." Luke continued. "I missed the Princess and needed a cuddle."

"You're so weird." Beca said. "But seriously, thank you for coming."

"Do you want to sleep for a bit?" Luke asked.

"She'll probably need to feed in a little while?"

"Oh, I can do that if you want to sleep."

"Um, Luke? I'm breastfeeding. I'm not bottle fee-"

"-oh, yes, um, *cough*. I can't help with that."

"Dude! You've gone bright red. Is that because I said the word breast?"

"Is there anything I can get you?" Luke asked, ignoring Beca's question.

"Actually there is."

"Sure thing." Luke said, finally placing Lila back in her bassinet beside Beca's bed. "What can I get you?"

"Well..." Beca said, a mischievous glint in her eye. "... I need some pads."

"What pads?" Luke asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

"Pads... for my gushing vag-"

"-Oh no, you... no. I can't ask for those."

"Why not? I do need them."

"No, you don't. You just want me to go and embarrass myself in front of the nurses."

"No, really, I do need them."

"I hate you right now."

Beca put on the same childish voice that Luke used for Lila. "Uncle Luke, Mommy needs you to-"

"-Stop! I'll get you some front bottom pads. Just don't-"

"-Some what?" Beca exclaimed before immediately looking over to see if her enthusiasm had woken up the sleeping baby.

"You need front bottom pads. I'll go and ask for them."

"Are you seriously expecting me to forget about what you called my-"

"-Yes, yes I am. Because I am not sure I am going to recover from the images running through my mind right now."

"Thinking about my vag huh?"

"No! No, I'm not. At all. I don't think... I mean, no." Luke stuttered, his face turning crimson. "Get some sleep and stop being a dick."

Beca smirked, having enjoyed the last minute or so. She was tired and could use a nap. "I'll see if the baby will nurse for a little bit and then perhaps you can keep watch while I take a quick nap."

"That sounds good. I'll step out while you do that."

"You don't have to do that."

"You sure?"

"Unless it makes you uncomfortable?"

"No. Not really. Just think Jesse should be doing this instead of me."

"But you are here and you are the first person to share this with me." Beca said, reaching for Luke's hand. "And to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way."

 **o~O~o**

When Beca woke a few hours later, Luke was nowhere to be seen. As Beca looked around the room, hoping he was still there, she noticed a hot, double cupped Starbucks by her bed. 'Decaf' was scribbled on the outside and knew she'd just missed Luke. She reached for Lila who was just stirring and held her on her lap while she nursed. She hoped she was doing it right but the baby seemed to latch on easily enough.

She drank the coffee Luke had left her and wondered if Jesse would show up at all.

To her surprise, he arrived a couple of hours later, sending her a quick text to let her know she was in the line at the gift shop and he'd be up to see her soon. Beca didn't fail to notice that he didn't ask after Lila. She also wasn't quite prepared for Jesse to look the way he did when he turned up at the hospital room.

When Jesse walked into the room, Beca noticed that he looked terrible and immediately worried that he was hungover. Her mind went into overdrive and she was quite prepared to read him the riot act that he couldn't act that way when he was responsible for another person. But the more time went by the worse and worse he looked and he did look like he wanted to be there but at the same time, he looked like he was the one that should be in the hospital bed instead of Beca.

Jesse's cheeks were flush like he was running a fever, there was a loud rattle in his chest and he sounded very wheezy. When he kissed Beca's cheek she noticed his skin was clammy and warm. Beca asked him if he was feeling alright, but as always, he insisted that he was fine. It wasn't long before he started sweating and the horrible, nagging cough that he'd had for months made a return… which worried Beca even more.

Definitely not a hangover.

Beca growled internally. With a new baby, it was a really crappy time for Jesse to get sick with the damn man flu. She needed Jesse to her help with the baby, the dogs, the house and help take care of her for a change, after all, she had just pushed a baby the size of a small watermelon out of a hole the size of lemon.

Her vag hurt… like a mac truck had plowed through it then proceeded to ram in it continuously. Her boobs were leaky and were more than twice the size they were the day before. Her nipples were a different color and no longer looked like her own. Her tummy, while still swollen, looked like a blob of jello. She no longer recognized her body… it was like a bad episode of the Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Beca was slightly indignant that no one had told her what her body might look like post baby and even if they did, this was not what Beca was expecting.

With all of that going on, was it really too much to ask that he be around to help her for a change? Beca didn't think so, but par for the course, she was going to be left taking care of everyone and everything. She was crazy to think that having a baby would change her day to day to do list.

Mentally, she tried to prepare herself for the days and weeks to come.

When Beca's nurse, Laura, came in to check on her and the baby she heard Jesse's cough. She immediately asked if he was a smoker. When he said that he was, after all he couldn't deny it, he smelled like the bottom of an ashtray, Laura counseled him on the effects of smoking on his health and on those he loved. It wasn't anything that he hadn't heard before. He had tried quitting but he couldn't give up all of his vices… even if it was to better his health.

After giving Jesse the third degree about smoking, Laura told Jesse that it sounded like he had a chest cold. She then suggested that he go down to the emergency room for a breathing treatment and a chest x-ray. Once again, Jesse insisted that he was fine and that the late nights and long hours in the studio were catching up to him.

Laura insisted that if Jesse didn't go and get himself checked out that he would have to wear an assortment of very fashionable hospital garb. Which meant that he'd have to don a gown, sterile scrubs, gloves and a mask when he was in the room with Beca and the baby to minimize the risk of spreading airborne illnesses.

After the threat of being kicked out of Beca's room, receiving many dirty looks from Laura and listening to her mumbled comments, Jesse decided to don the garb. He looked ridiculous but wearing it meant that he could visit his wife and daughter and more importantly he wanted to make sure that when MawMaw and Amy visited that they didn't shove the baby in their handbag and leave. He wasn't sure that he could actually trust either around the baby. Beca even snuck a few pictures because no one would believe that he had actually done what he was told to do.

Beca's parents and MawMaw showed up a little later… bearing gifts. They had stopped at Beca's favorite cafe for lunch and dessert. Beca was excited to eat something that was not hospital food.

They immediately wondered why Jesse was "wearing doctor clothes". Beca filled them in on Laura's suggestion. MawMaw gave Jesse the evil eye. If he was smart he would have gotten up to go get checked right then. But it wasn't until Anne urged him, with a little more care than he'd been expecting, that he finally decided to get himself checked out. She also suggested that he go home afterwards for a long, hot shower to break up all the chest congestion and take a much needed nap. For once in his life, Jesse didn't argue. He kissed the top of Beca's head, promised he'd call when he knew what, if anything, was wrong and then he left.

 **o~O~o**

When Jesse returned and he finally had some time alone with Beca and the baby, Beca asked him about the baby's name. She watched as Jesse put his "doctor clothes" back on and washed his hands before picking the baby up. He gazed at her and said, "On our wedding day, I made a promise to your mom, so as long as Anne or Kathryn is somewhere in her name I'm ok with whatever name you choose."

"Do you like the name Lila… or would you prefer something else?"

Jesse played with the baby's tiny fingers and smiled. "It's a very nice name… different. She seems like she's going to be one of a kind, perhaps she needs a one of kind type of name."

"I think you're right." Beca smiled. It was nice to see Jesse interacting with the baby… well interacting as much as one could with a baby that wasn't yet twenty fours old.

"So… what are you thinking?" Jesse asked Beca.

"Lila Kathryn…"

Jesse nodded. "It's perfect… I love it."

Beca breathed a sigh of relief. They had finally come to an agreement and just like that, it seemed that the great name debate of 2015 had finally come to an end. It was official, the baby's name was Lila Kathryn and Beca could finally let the nurse know to bring the paperwork for the birth certificate in.

As far as Beca was concerned, all was finally right in their little world.

Standing up, Jesse walked over to the side of the bed. "I'm gonna head out."

"But you just got here."

"Yeah, I know but I have a four fifteen appointment to get the results of my chest x-ray."

Beca looked a little disappointed but understood. "Let me know what you find out?"

"Sure." He said as he kissed the top of her head and laid the baby in her arms. "I'll be back later. Want me to bring you some dinner?"

"That would be nice." Beca said smiling.

"Chinese ok?"

"Perfect. Thank you."

Later never came. Jesse didn't bring dinner and he never called. Beca silently wondered if he had been admitted to the hospital after getting the results of his chest x-ray. Beca was officially worried, especially since Jesse wasn't answering his phone. Text messages went unread and calls went straight to voicemail.

Not again.

The next time Laura came in to check on Beca, she noticed that Beca was out of sorts. After asking what was wrong and if there was anything she could, Beca asked Laura if there was a way to get the results of Jesse's tests. Laura said that she could definitely check but didn't make any promises.

Beca anxiously waited for Laura to return. She knew there was a chance that Laura would have nothing to report but remained hopeful that Jesse just had a spring cold brought on by allergies and that he went home to get some rest. Everything had to be ok.

After doing some digging, Laura went back to Beca with a full report. She found out that Jesse was diagnosed with a pretty nasty sinus infection, double ear infection and pneumonia. He had been given several steroid shots, multiple prescriptions and a portable breathing machine. Laura also told Beca that Jesse was being sent to a specialist for further testing due to some questionable spots on his lungs.

Beca didn't know what to do or what to feel. She hoped that he was at home resting but had the distinct feeling that he wasn't. Jesse wasn't exactly one that followed doctor's orders and he was even less likely to follow them since Beca wasn't home to pressure him to do so.

She was pretty sure that the news he received had probably driven him straight to the nearest bar and into the bottom of a whiskey bottle. The thought made Beca sick to her stomach.

What was going to become of their family and their future? Beca didn't know and quite frankly, she was scared to ask or entertain the ideas that were floating around in her head. Her emotions were all over the map.

Beca jumped when her phone rang. As she reached for it she prayed that it was Jesse. Her heart clenched when she realized it was Casey, Jesse's younger brother. He and Jesse weren't as close as they used to be but they still remained in touch.

Beca suddenly found herself wondering if Casey was calling because Jesse couldn't. If she thought about it too much longer she'd miss the call. Her hands shook as she swiped the screen to accept the call.

As Casey said ' _hello'_ Beca immediately noticed that he sounded excited. He told Beca that Jesse had called him the night before to let him know that the baby had arrived. He said the Jesse even remembered all of the baby's stats, which was surprising.

Maybe things would be ok after all.

When Casey asked Beca if she was up for visitors she jumped at the chance to see them. Casey, Amber and Willow were coming to meet Lila. Beca couldn't wait, it had been over a month since she had last seen them.

Beca put a clean diaper on the baby before she lotioned her up and dressed her in a cute little sleeper with a matching headband… or a ' _baby brain squeezer'_ as Amy had called it.

About thirty minutes later there was a light tap on the door and Beca could see Amber as she peeked around it. "Everyone decent in here?" Amber asked with a giggle.

"Come on in." Beca said tucking her boob back into her bra.

Amber was at the side of the bed in a millisecond oh'ing and ah'ing over the baby. Casey sat Willow on the end of the bed near Beca's feet, and immediately remarked about how beautiful Lila was.

Willow pointed and said "Bay beeee!" Then clapped her tiny hands. She was so proud of herself.

"You wanna see the baby?" Beca asked her as she reached out to take her hand and bring Willow toward her. "Her name is Lila. Lila Kathryn. Can you say Lila?"

"BAY BEEEEEE!" Willow squealed, taking Beca's hand.

"Well, that's close enough!" Beca laughed.

Amber smiled. "You gonna sit in Aunt Beca's lap?"

"Bucket!" Willow said crawling closer to Beca. As much and as hard as Amber and Casey had tried to get Willow to say Beca, it always came out Bucket. It was a term of endearment that Beca loved.

"Careful Willow… gentle. Aunt Beca has owies." Casey reminded.

Beca smiled as she watched Willow's little face light up. She gently touched Lila's face. One day she hoped that would be Lila looking at her baby brother or sister the same way. "Looks like Willow needs a brother or sister." Beca said.

Amber winked. "We're working on it."

"Oh my gosh, babe… look at her long eyelashes!" Casey said nudging Amber in the side.

"Models would kill for those lashes!" Amber agreed. As a licensed cosmetologist she knew that first hand. "Beca… she's gorgeous!"

Willow reached out to touch the baby again. At the same time, Casey and Amber both said, "Gentle Willow… soft."

"Thanks…" Beca smiled proudly. She knew she couldn't continue to be greedy. Casey and Amber had not only come to see the baby but she knew they expected to love and cuddle her.

As Beca passed Lila to Casey. "Soo… where's my big brother?" He asked as he sat in the chair next to the bed.

"He's at home."

"Home? Newsflash Becs… you just had a baby. Shouldn't he be here loving all over this little beauty?" Casey asked as he eyed his new little niece.

Beca nodded as she pulled Willow closer. "He should but he's sick with pneumonia and a sinus infection." Beca said filling them in about Jesse's latest ailment, leaving out the part about the suspicious spots on Jesse's lung.

"Has he been here at all?" Amber wondered out loud.

"Well… he and the band had a gig night before last and he didn't come home. I tried calling and texting for hours when I realized that this was the real thing but he wasn't answering calls or responding to texts."

"So, let me get this straight…" Casey starts. "You're heavily pregnant with his baby, days past your due date, essentially a ticking time bomb and he doesn't respond to your calls or texts and he doesn't come home."

"Yep... that about covers it."

"I don't mean to pry, but are you two ok?" Casey asked cautiously.

Beca nodded. "As far as I know, we are."

"Then what the fuck is wrong with him?" He asked as he covered the baby's ears. "Sorry lil' princess, that was a bad word and Uncle Casey shouldn't have said it."

Beca laughed as she watched Casey cover Lila's little virgin ears. "After everything we've been through he still doesn't realize that when he doesn't respond, I worry and I immediately think the worst."

"Mommy! Book. Book!" Willow called out, prompting Amber to reach into her purse for a coloring book and some crayons for her daughter.

"Beca… I'm sorry. I'm not sure why he's doing this."

"Case, it's ok. We'll get through it just like we've gotten through everything else."

"No… it's not ok. Don't make excuses for him. You're his wife, Beca. Lila is his daughter. You're priorities not options… The two of you should be his number one."

Beca nodded in agreement. "Well… he made here right before Miss Priss arrived. In the end, he made it, which is all that matters."

Casey rolled his eyes and pursed his lips in disgust. He had absolutely no idea what was going through Jesse's head. "And the pneumonia? How long has that been going on?"

"Just found out about it earlier today."

"So, I'm guessing that he didn't tell you what was going on?"

"No, I suspect that he was feeling a lot worse that he let on."

"Asshole!" Casey muttered. "He doesn't deserve you."

Without looking up from her book, Willow mumbled "sasshole".

Beca looked at Casey with huge eyes then put her hand over her mouth to try to disguise her smile and laugh.

Amber rubbed Casey's leg. "Babe… language."

"Sorry." Casey mumbled. "Willow… that's a bad word. Don't say it again … ok?"

Willow shrugged. "Ok Daddy." Then went back to her book.

Casey rolled his eyes and sighed. "No symptoms before yesterday?"

Beca took a deep breath. "Not exactly…"

Casey was now sitting up straighter and eyeballing Beca. "Go on…"

"He's had a persistent, nagging cough for months now. He's had bronchitis a few times in the last several months. I've been after him to quit smoking and get himself checked out but he has always insisted that he was ' _fine'_." Beca said throwing up some air quotes.

"If that's fine then I'd hate to see the alternative." Casey said. "Does he not remember everything that Bambi went through… and by her own hand no less? I mean… come on. How stupid does one have to be?"

There was nothing Beca could say to disagree with Casey, though the bit about Bambi hit home. "When my nurse was in here this morning she suggested that he go downstairs for a chest x-ray and a breathing treatment."

"How bad did he fight not going?"

"Well… he again said he was fine but I didn't believe him. He stayed until my parents got here and finally decided to go after my mom strongly urged him."

"Doesn't surprise me. I'm guessing that's when they found the pneumonia?" Casey stood up, handing off the baby to Amber.

"Yes. He didn't call me about it, even though I asked him to. I had to get my nurse to do some digging."

"Jesus… I'll never understand him. Why doesn't he communicate with you? And why doesn't he take care of himself?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Beca told him.

Willow crawled up into Amber's lap to get a closer look at the baby. "Shhh momma… bay bee seeping." Willow said as she put her finger to her little lips.

"Yeah, sweet girl… she is sleeping." Amber said pulling Willow closer.

"Why hers tired?" Willow asked.

"Cuz being a baby is hard work."

"Ohhhh." Willow said nodding her head. "I not tired, I a big girl."

"You are." Amber said kissing Willow on the top of her head.

Beca giggled and watched Willow with Lila. She hoped that one day Willow and Lila would be best friends and playmates. It wasn't too much to ask for, they were cousins after all.

Amber whispered something to Willow then handed her a gift bag to give Beca. Casey lifted her up onto the bed so that she would have a front row seat as she watched Beca unwrap the gift.

"Is this for me?" Beca asked her.

Willow shook her head. "For bay beee." She said clapping her hands. "Open it."

"Ok… let's see what's in here." Beca said reaching into the bag.

Inside the gift bag was a beautiful cream colored chenille bunny with long, floppy ears, embroidered on the pink satin ribbon around her neck, was the name Izzy. The name was kind of ironic as Isabella had been a name that she and Jesse had briefly discussed for the baby but ultimately dismissed because of its popularity. Also in the bag was a matching cream colored chenille blanket with cream colored satin trim and a copy of The Velveteen Rabbit.

"We hope you like it." Amber said. "Willow adores hers."

Beca hugged the bunny to her chest. "I love it and I know Lila will too. Thank you Willow."

"Welcome." Said with a big smile.

"I hope you don't mind that Willow and I named the bunny." Amber said. "She saw the bunny and immediately said 'Ithy' which means Izzy or some version of it."

"I don't mind at all and I'm sure that Lila won't mind either." Beca said. "Izzy is a great name for a bunny."

Amber looked relieved. "I would have had Lila's name or her monogram embroidered on the corner of the blanket but we didn't know her name until Casey called."

Beca smiled. "We didn't decide on her name until this morning. Lila's name was a great debate."

"Because my brother is an asshole and likes hooker names."

Beca laughed. "You know him so well."

Casey nodded in acknowledgment before looking over at Amber. "Babe, it's getting late. We should really go."

"Yeah we should, it's past Willow's bedtime." She said as she placed Lila back in Beca's waiting arms.

"I know we've had our differences, but y'all are always welcome at the house." Beca told them. "You don't need an invite. You're family and we need to make sure these girls grow up together."

"We certainly do." Casey said as he kissed Beca on the cheek. "We'll see you soon."

"Absolutely. Bye Willow." Beca said in a tiny baby voice while waving Lila's hand, making Willow smile. "Thanks for coming."

Beca honestly didn't know what had gotten into Jesse. She thought he'd be over the moon once the baby was born but she couldn't have been more wrong. She wasn't sure if it was his nerves or his fear of becoming a father that had him acting so distant and hoped that once they were home, in their own environment that Jesse would finally come around.

 **o~O~o**

After morning rounds on Tuesday, Dr. Kaiser said that Beca and Lila were ready to go home that afternoon. That statement was music to Beca's ears. She missed her little fur babies, her house and her bed. Beca packed and spoke to her mom on the phone as she waited for the discharge papers.

Anne told Beca that she was at work and that the court docket was light so she would be leaving the courthouse by two at the latest. Beca knew without Anne saying it that her mom and dad as well as her MawMaw would be at the house to welcome them home for the first time. Secretly, she hoped that meant that they would also be bringing dinner.

When the came time for Beca and Lila to go home, Luke, always dependable, was there to take them, arriving thirty minutes after Beca had called him in tears. Beca was pretty upset that Jesse had chosen to go MIA knowing full well that they were being discharged at twelve thirty. He promised that he would be there to take them home.

Luke arrived at the hospital in Beca's brand new Range Rover because he didn't have a car seat in his car. He knew she wouldn't mind him driving her SUV but made a mental note to purchase a car seat for his car so that when, not if, this happened again he wouldn't have to waste time going to get Beca's vehicle.

After loading the bags into the back of the SUV and making sure that Beca and the baby were buckled up in the back seat, Luke started the engine and gingerly pulled away from the hospital. As he merged onto the main drag, Beca noticed that Luke was driving like a blue haired, white knuckled old lady. Cars were passing them left and right.

"You can drive normally you know?" Beca said through a giggle.

Luke carefully met her eyes in the rearview mirror. "There's precious cargo in the car, I'm not taking any chances."

Beca smiled as she looked into the face of her daughter and wondered if Jesse would have driven the same way. She quietly wondered where he was and what he was doing. What could have been more important than coming to the hospital to take their daughter home?


	42. Chapter 41 - Homecoming and Heartbreak

**A/N: I was truly hoping to get this chapter out sooner than now, but my life has been very crazy lately. I truly hope that you enjoy it.**

 **Corinne, Thank you for being the BEST beta. You always make Luke perfectly posh & oh so British... even if I do have to ask what the heck he's saying! I seriously don't know what I would do without you. You are my person! XX**

 **Twelve years ago today my life changed forever because of Hurricane Katrina. As I reflect on all of my feelings surrounding that time, my heart breaks for everyone in Hurricane Harvey's path. The Houston area was my home for seven years & seeing the devastation caused by Harvey is heartbreaking. I'm not sure if any of you pray but if you do, please take a moment to pray for everyone affected by Hurricane Harvey. Thank you! **

**#TexasStrong #PrayersForTexas**

* * *

 **o~O~o**  
 **Chapter 41  
Homecoming & Heartbreak**  
 **o~O~o**

When Luke pulled through the gate and drove down the long drive to the horseshoe in front of the house, Beca smiled. In huge pink letters on the front lawn there was a sign proudly exclaiming "IT'S A GIRL!". There was also a large cutout of a stork carrying a baby in a pink blanket with Lila's name and all of her birth stats on it for the neighbors and everyone else that passed the house to see. It was a lovely welcome home.

The last time she'd been home she had been alone and heavily pregnant. She was finally back home and while it had only been a few days, it somehow felt like weeks… and she was still alone. Her husband had been and still was MIA and once again Luke was right there to help in any way that he could. Beca swallowed the lump in her throat knowing that it should have been Jesse helping her bring their baby home rather than her best friend, but deep down, she was really glad Luke was there with her.

As soon as the car came to a stop, Beca pushed the canopy cover on the infant carrier down and started to unbuckle Lila from her seat. "We're home baby girl. Ready to see your house?"

"You're speaking to her like she's going to answer." Luke laughed as he got out of the car, popped open the trunk and started getting the bags out of the car.

Beca smiled. "Says the guy that had a full on conversation with her last night."

"We have an understanding."

"As do we." Beca told him as she carefully scooted out of the car.

"No, not possible. She told me last night that I was her Huckleberry." Luke said swinging the diaper bag over his shoulder as he held out his arm to assist Beca getting out of the car.

Beca raised her eyebrows. "Did she now?"

"She did!" Luke insisted.

"Well Uncle Huck, she hibernated and subsequently sabotaged my baby box for nine plus months, so I'd say that I have one up on you."

"Always with the one ups. Nothing ever changes!" Luke smiled and shook his head before giving Lila a knowing look. "You ready to head inside ladies?"

"Yep… we sure are." Beca said using her hand to shield the baby's eyes from the sun as Luke stepped ahead with the luggage. Beca watched as his muscles strained under the weight of the bags he was carrying and wondered quietly when he'd gotten so buff. She dropped her gaze quickly as they approached the front door Luke stepped aside to let them go through the door first.

Beca noticed the embarrassingly large pink balloon arch at the entryway to the house as well as the pink flowered wreath on the door. Someone had spared no expense and had gone all out to make sure their homecoming was nice. She was truly touched.

Beca walked through the partially open front door into the house with Lila held tightly in her arms where she was immediately greeted by her grandmother and Silvana. There was also the very distinct scent of her grandmother's pot roast and mashed potatoes coming from the kitchen. Nothing said 'Welcome Home' like your family and an amazing meal.

Silvana ran to the front door and wasted no time kissing Beca's cheek then carefully taking the baby from her. She hadn't been able to make it to the hospital for a visit and she planned on making the most of being one of the first people to welcome Beca and the baby home. Silvana had been in the family for years, there was very few memories Beca had that didn't include Silvana.

Silvana carried the baby through to the den, sat in the overstuffed chair by the fireplace and started singing a Spanish lullaby to Lila. Beca remembered the song as one of the ones that Silvana used to sing to her when she was small. She felt lucky to still have Silvana in her life and now she was going to be a huge part of Lila's.

As Silvana sang about a princess who grew wings and learned to fly, she opened the blanket that swaddled the baby so that she could count tiny fingers and toes. She needed to get a good look at her so she could remember everything about her when she away from her. Silvana played with Lila's fingers and said, "You're going to play piano like your Mommy and Papa."

"I'll make sure of it." Beca assured Silvana as she sat on the arm of the chair and watched Silvana with Lila.

Never taking her eyes off of the baby, Silvana told Beca, "Lila is the most gorgeous baby I think I've ever seen. She's even prettier than my own babies."

Beca's heart was full. She was truly happy and she had her daughter to thank for that. Lila was two days old and she was already her everything; the only thing in her life that mattered.

"Where did this come from?" Beca asked as she reached for the gift box on the coffee table.

Silvana looked up and smiled. "Open it."

Beca lifted the lid and looked inside before letting out an audible gasp then lifting what was inside. "It's just like the one you gave me years ago." Beca remembered as she held the bunny in her hands, looking at the little pink dress that was on her.

"Just like yours." Silvana reiterated. "There's more in the box."

Beca placed the bunny on her lap and pulled the box closer. Inside was a matching pink dress for Lila. "It's perfect. I love it." Beca knew that the bunny from her childhood was packed away and vowed to find it.

The bunny from Silvana was the second bunny she had received for Lila. Beca began to wonder if the bunnies held some sort of significance with babies or if there was some unwritten rule about giving new babies stuffed bunnies. Both of the bunnies were different and she had a feeling that Lila was going to love them both the same.

"Thank you Silvana, I really love it."

"You're welcome."

Anne and Will arrived a short time later with their arms full of gifts for Beca and the baby, fresh flowers and groceries. They had also stopped for a couple of bottles of champagne and Beca's favorite almond cupcakes with pineapple filling from the bakery near the courthouse where Anne worked. Luke made himself useful as he found places for the flowers to go and moved Beca's suitcase from the hospital to her bedroom upstairs.

Anne couldn't drop everything quick enough and Will staggered as a little as Anne thrust more than he could hold into his arms as she hurried towards Beca. She wanted to hug her daughter and hold her granddaughter but MawMaw told her, "You're some sort of champagne mental person if you think you're getting your hands on the baby before me… get in line sista." and thrust her thumb behind her. MawMaw loved that new baby smell and just couldn't get enough. Beca was beginning to think that she should have had a litter because one baby just wasn't going to be enough for everyone.

Throughout the afternoon, Anne noticed that Beca kept checking the time on her phone or the wall clock. Anne knew it wasn't that she was checking the time for Lila's feedings, she was worried about Jesse and why he hadn't answered any of her calls and texts. She also noticed that Luke was attentively watching Beca, refilling her drinks and seemingly knowing what Beca wanted before she did herself. Anne found the time to thank Luke for being there for Beca, especially today but Luke shrugged it off as nothing.

After visiting with everyone and eating dinner, sharing jokes with familiar ease, the group began to leave so that Beca and the baby could get settled and possibly take a nap before her next feeding. Even though Jesse was very noticeably missing, everyone surprisingly kept their thoughts to themselves about the matter. He had still not made it home and was once again avoiding or ignoring Beca's calls and texts.

Beca was thankful that everyone was so enamored with the baby that they chose not to state the obvious by addressing the elephant in the room. Speaking with Casey about Jesse's absenteeism was one thing but speaking with her parents and grandmother was like a free for all and she wasn't ready for that. They had all tried giving him the benefit of the doubt and he continued to throw it back in their faces every chance he got.

After everyone left, Luke cleaned the kitchen and had just finished loading the dishwasher when Beca appeared in the kitchen.

"You didn't have to clean the kitchen." She said, coming around the kitchen island to give him a hug.

"No big deal." Luke said quietly. "It just didn't seem right for you to be doing it."

"I appreciate it Luke. Thank you."

"Damn, motherhood has changed you." Luke said, grinning out of the corner of his mouth as he shut the dishwasher door with his foot. "Where is then punch in my arm or your cocky retort telling me I'd make an excellent wife one day, huh?"

"I am too exhausted to tease you tonight." Beca yawned. "I'm saving it up for another time. I've settled the baby in her Moses basket for now, she'll need feeding in another couple of hours. Are you staying over tonight?"

Luke checked his watch, "Do you need me to stay?"

"Only if you want to. The spare room is made up already anyway." Beca yawned loudly, unable to cover it in time. "Sorry!"

"Why don't you get yourself in bed now?" Luke said gently. "I'll head out and let you get settled but I'm only a phone call away if you need me. Ok?"

"You're awesome."

"I'll come by with breakfast tomorrow." Luke said, offering a hug to Beca. She quickly moved to his side and let his strong arms wrap around her. He noticed that she immediately relaxed into his embrace.

"That sounds really good."

"Text me. I want hourly pictures of the little lady and just let me know you are managing on your own."

"I will." Beca sighed, thinking she was always getting more support from her best friend than her husband. "Shame I'm here by myself but that's not your fault."

"I don't have anywhere else to be. I can stay if you-"

"-No, go. I have to get used to this. Plenty of people the world over manage to do this every single day. If we have a meltdown tonight, I'll call, I promise. Besides, if I get no sleep tonight, I might need you to take over tomorrow. I love and appreciate the offer though, thank you."

Luke nodded. In a way, he was glad that Beca didn't need him around. He wanted to find Beca's deadbeat husband. He kissed Beca's forehead, and took out the bag of trash to the back of the house on his way out. Luke swore, come hell or high water, he was going "to find Jesse and drag his sorry, no good hoofwanking bungleprick arse home" before promising to "drop him into the fiery depths of eternal damnation" then fish out whatever remained and do it all again for leaving Beca alone on what was one their most important days as a family. He himself had trouble leaving them both in the house by themselves and vowed to find Jesse, get him home, return to his own apartment for a few hours sleep, a shower and change of clothes and then he'd be back for breakfast.

Plus, he wanted more baby cuddles with Lila but he was, in no way, ever going to admit that to anyone. He already adored the little lady as much as she adored B-

'-Nope, not going there.' He thought as he drove past the guard shack on his way out to find Jesse. He called Will on his way, letting him know what he was doing in case they called Beca and wondered why she was still alone, late into the evening.

 **o~O~o**

While Luke was out looking for Jesse, Beca walked around her now empty house with Lila showing her everything, something she thought that she and Jesse would have been doing together. However, as she carried her tiny daughter around the downstairs of the house, pointing out the now barely visible scratch on the stairs where Amy had slid down on a tea tray almost two years before and whispering quietly into Lila's ears that while Auntie Amy was quite a handful, she would always have a best friend in her crazy Aunt. In the hallway, Beca pointed out the Tiffany lamp that Luke had gotten for her and Jesse's growing movie collection was commented on in the den.

Introducing Lila to Jagger and Roxie had been a very sweet moment. They were the most gentle and loving dogs and yet, they had always been extremely protective of Beca even though they were still very young. She hoped they'd protect Lila the same way. Jagger had slowly sniffed the baby blanket before sitting down and offering his paw to his new sister showed Beca that he already loved the addition to his family.

When it was time to show Lila her room, Jagger and Roxie quickly took the lead, careful not to bump Beca as they trampled up the stairs. As Beca opened the door, they both went in and laid next to Lila's crib, circling a couple of times before falling asleep almost instantly. She was sure that was going to be their new place to sleep and made a mental note to ask Jesse to bring their beds into the nursery.

Taking a quick glance at her phone, Beca realized that Lila was due to be fed. Getting everything she needed and putting it all within arms reach, she relaxed into the large, overstuffed leather recliner in the nursery. Even though her feet didn't touch the floor when she sat in the chair, Beca slowly and carefully started to rock by moving her upper body back and forth. Luckily, the chair moved with very little effort making it extremely comfortable for both her and the baby.

Beca had noticed from early on in her pregnancy and again after Lila was born that the baby responded to music. It didn't matter what kind of music, as long as it was smooth and had a good rhythm the baby was happy. At only two days old, Lila knew what she liked and what she wanted, and she loved being sung to so as she nursed. While Beca sang, she would always stroke Lila's forehead, the bridge of her nose or the side of her face. It was a sweet, special time that Beca savored, even though she was beyond exhausted.

 **o~O~o**

Luke stewed and fumed as he drove. If it killed him, he wasn't going to allow Jesse to hurt Beca anymore. He either needed to start thinking of his family first or he needed to get the fuck out. Jesse's rock and roll days and playboy ways were over as far as Luke was concerned.

'The idiot has bigger responsibilities now and he just cannot see how good he has it. If I was in his place... and we aren't going there again.' Luke thought.

He was angry and knew that when he found Jesse he was going to tear him limb from lying limb. Luke couldn't imagine what Jesse could be doing that was more important than bringing his wife and newborn daughter home from the hospital. Most men would have tripped over their dick to make sure everything was perfect… but not Jesse.

Luke decided to start looking for Jesse in the most obvious of places… the studio. Getting past security could present a problem but he'd handle that when and if he needed to. In hindsight he knew that he should have called Cynthia Rose while he was in route but he didn't want anyone to tip Jesse off if he was, in fact, in the studio. Luke had a suspicious nature when it came to Jesse and if he was right this time, and Jesse was getting high with the band, he wanted to catch him in the act.

Luke screeched into the parking lot of Columbia Records, parked in the first available parking space he saw and made himself take a deep breath before he started walking toward the entrance a few moments later. As he walked across the parking lot, he spotted Jesse's fully restored 1966 candy apple red Chevy Camaro, a wedding present from Beca, parked in a "Studio Session" space.

Luke realized that Jesse needed to make music to make money to help support the family but Beca had just had a baby… was music really more important than his wife and newborn daughter? Surely everyone would have understood him needing and wanting to take a couple of days off to spend at home while Beca recovered from being in the hospital. Certainly Cynthia Rose understood the importance of family? She and her husband had twin boys at home and were trying for a third, hoping for a daughter this time around, if the rumors were true.

'I would have taken the month off, if it was me.' Luke grumbled to himself. 'I would have taken the time off to do all the chores so my girl could concentrate on the baby and resting. But then, that's just me.' Luke had already made his mind up that he'd step up and help even more if Beca needed him for anything.

Walking past Jesse's car, Luke reached out and touched the hood. It was cold, which meant Jesse had been at the studio for hours. Luke growled low in his throat. Things weren't looking good for Jesse.

Luke walked across the sky bridge from the parking garage and entered the building. He walked past the guard at the door, ignoring his pleasant "Good Afternoon. Welcome to Columbia Records!" and made a beeline straight to the reception desk. He wasn't there for pleasantries. He was there for one reason and one reason only… to find Swanson and drag his stupid, sorry ass home to his wife.

"Ahem." Luke cleared his throat to get the receptionists attention.

The redhead looked up from her trashy romance novel. "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't see you standing there. Can I help you?"

"I'm Luke Donovan… here to see Jesse Swanson with The Riff. Cynthia Rose is his producer."

The pretty redhead, who resembled Emily Blunt, looked at Luke with starry eyes before she started tapping away on her keyboard. "Well… Mr. Swanson is in the studio recording at the present time and cannot be disturbed. Did you have an appointment?"

"No, I don't have an appointment but I need to speak with him about his wife and his newborn daughter." He said authoritatively.

"I'll call Cynthia Rose and find out how much longer they'll be." She said as she picked up the handset and dialed a few numbers, most likely Cynthia Rose's extension. She smiled politely as she waited for the call to connect.

"Thank you." Luke said as he turned away from the desk to find a seat. His blood was boiling but he knew he needed to try to keep his cool; it wasn't the receptionists fault this was happening. Getting kicked out was not going to help the situation at all. Luke found it hard to sit still while he waited for Miss Perky to get back to him. He began pacing the waiting room, stopping at the vending machine and wishing he could get an ice cold beer instead of a Dr. Pepper.

Luke sent a quick text to Will. "Found him at the studio. Been here awhile… engine is cold."

"Thanks Luke. At least he's alive."

"He's alive… for now!"

"Luke, I love you like my own son, please promise that you won't do anything to get yourself arrested."

"I won't… I promise."

"Good… keep me posted."

"Will do. Gotta go."

Miss-Looks-Like-Emily-Blunt waved to get Luke's attention. "Mr… umm… Mr…"

"Donovan… Luke Donovan." He said interrupting her stammering. He put his phone in his back pocket as he walked back toward her desk. Clearly she couldn't be bothered to remember something as simple as a name.

Taking a deep breath, she handed Luke a visitor badge, "Yes… Mr. Donovan. Cynthia Rose has cleared you to go up to the studio. Mr. Swanson is in studio 33B, located on the thirty third floor. Take a right as you get off the elevator, walk to the end of that hall and then take a left walk down that hallway and then take another right, studio 33B is at the end of that hallway on the left."

Luke smiled as he the redhead stood to motion left and right as she gave him directions. If he wasn't in such a hurry he might have thought to ask for her name and number; she reminded him of someone and then he realized it was someone he shouldn't be thinking about in that way.

"Thank you." Luke said nodding his head toward the redhead and repeating, "right, left, right, left" in his head like it was a mantra.

"Return your visitor badge to me as you leave." She instructed.

"I will." He told her. "I shouldn't be long. Thanks again for your help."

Luke made his way toward the elevator, flashing his badge at the security guard along the way. The guard smiled and waved him through. Luke noted that the Security at Columbia wasn't nearly as tight as it was at Beca's office. The security at Warner was like going through a TSA checkpoint at LAX. If one needed a cheap thrill, no strings attached, Warner was the place to go.

The ride in the elevator was long and seemed to stop on every damn floor during its ascent to the thirty third floor. Everytime the door opened, there was no one there and Luke angrily pressed the button to close the door several times. He began to take it as a personal slight that he was being halted in his quest. It did, however, give Luke time to think and most importantly breathe, which was a good thing for the unsuspecting Jesse. If it hadn't been for the redhead and the time spent in the reception area, Luke would have gone straight up, found Jesse and killed him right where he stood.

Finally arriving on the thirty third floor, Luke exited the elevator and started his journey down the long hallways of Columbia Records. He felt like he was walking through some twisted maze. Why did they have to have all of the hallways for crying out loud? Had they not heard of the old saying, "the shortest distance between two points is a straight line."? He could feel his anger and anxiety bubbling up again as he reached the door of studio 33B. On the door was a sign that read:

 **STUDIO IN USE**  
 **The Riff**  
 **DO NOT DISTURB**  
 **(unless you have booze and boobs!)**

The sign made Luke even angrier, so did the red recording light over the door. Fuck that shit… if Jesse didn't open the damn door, Luke was gonna go through it, fist first. Either way, the door was getting opened.

Taking a deep breath, and remembering his British heritage thus ensuring him able to act like an arsehole if he needed to do so, Luke knocked on the door. He waited a couple of minutes before knocking again. He knocked a third time and wondered if maybe Jesse's session had ended early and he was no longer in the studio. Taking the bull by the horns and refusing to wait any longer, Luke reached for the doorknob and walked in.

Absolutely nothing, and no one, could have prepared him for what he was about to walk in on.

When Luke drove to Columbia Records that afternoon, he had no idea what he would find. He hoped he'd find Jesse high on something or drunk or even asleep in the studio. He knew, from Beca, that Jesse was on some powerful antibiotics so, despite his internal grumblings, was quite prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt and admit that while he still felt Jesse should have been at home with Beca, if he was sick, he was sick.

He certainly never imagined that he would find Jesse, with what he could only assume was one of his many mistresses, in a very compromising position. He knew, in that very moment, that, no matter how many times he bleached his eyeballs, he'd never get the image out of his mind. The tall leggy brunette, completely naked except for a pair of hooker red stilettos, was leaning back on her elbows, her legs wrapped tightly around Jesse's head, as she watched him pleasure her. One of Jesse's hands was holding her legs open and the other getting himself off.

Neither of them heard Luke walk in or saw that he took pictures as proof of their sordid little tryst before he quietly closed the door behind him. He didn't take the pictures for some sick gratification, he took them because he knew that Beca might need to present them in court if she needed to. His heart was racing as he tried to shut out the brunettes moan that permeated the air.

Luke was shocked, disgusted and appalled. How could Jesse do this to Beca and their daughter? They didn't deserve this and he could picture Beca's face when she learned the truth about this. He knew he'd have to be the one to tell her and that crushed something inside him. Anger overcame him and before he could stop himself, he walked over and punched Jesse in the side of his head.

"What the f-" Jesse said, grabbing his head as he spun around, pulling his pants up as he came face to face with Luke.

"You fucking asshole! I should have known that you couldn't stay faithful to Beca. You lowlife piece of scum, wanker, bastard, tosser, shithead, twatty fist fucker!" Luke spat, jabbing his index finger into Jesse's chest with each word.

"Luke!" Jesse cried out, still holding the side of his head as he face pinked up and his eyes darted around the room. "How in the hell did you get in here?"

"How long has this-" Luke asked, pointing between Jesse and the naked brunette and ignoring Jesse's question. "-been going on?"

The brunette, covering her lady bits with her hand, grabbed at her haphazardly discarded clothes in a feeble attempt to make herself look decent. "Jess… I'm gonna go."

"Oh no you don't little Miss Homewrecker… you're not going anywhere." Luke said angrily.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"I said you're not going anywhere." Luke repeated as he pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and started to dial. "Yes… can you call Cynthia Rose to studio 33B please. Yes… I'll hold. Yes, I'm still here… thank you. Yes, it is essential that she comes. Right. Now. Thank you. When will she be here? Perfect… I'll see her then." Luke hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. "You two had better get dressed if you don't want your producer to see you in your birthday suits."

Luke stood guard at the door, while Jesse and his tart fumbled with their clothes. He didn't particularly want to watch them but he had to make sure Jesse and the tramp couldn't leave while they waited for Cynthia Rose to arrive.

As Jesse pulled his shirt on he turned to Luke. "This was a one off. My medication, you understand. I'm... I was confused. You're not going to tell Beca… are you? "

Luke chuckled humorlessly. "No-"

"-oh good-" Jesse said letting a sigh of relief as he zipped up his pants.

"-you are." Luke said. "You're going to tell your future ex-wife what you've done and that she'll need to have herself and your daughter checked for STD's for the rest of their lives."

"Your daughter?" The brunette asked. "You didn't tell me that she'd been born."

"You know Jesse is married though." Luke stated defiantly.

"Married, yes, but they are having a trial separation." She said and her face fell when Luke shook his head.

"A trial separation huh? Does Beca know about this separation?" Luke asked.

Jesse sat down on the edge of the recording board, putting his head in his hands. "Fuck!"

"You might want to use the time to think about what you are going to tell Beca." Luke said, trying to stop himself from sounding gleeful. "And if that doesn't worry you enough, wait till Anne finds out." Luke was about to continue when he heard the unmistakable clack, clack, clack sound of Cynthia Rose's heels as she approached Studio 33B.

"What's the fucking problem in here? Why am I being pulled out of a meeting?" Cynthia Rose asked as she pushed open the door and walked into the studio. "And why does it smell of sex and booze in here? What are you two looking so guilty about? Where's... oh... hi Luke, I didn't see you there."

"Hello Cynthia Rose." Luke said greeting her with a hug and a kiss on each cheek. "You should ask these two what the foul odors are all about."

"How are Beca and the baby?" She asked, more interested in hearing about Lila in that moment than worrying about why she was pulled out of a meeting. "Got any pictures? Jesse was... well... somewhat reluctant to share any."

"Probably hasn't taken the time to take any of her yet. As far as I know, he's only spent a couple of hours with his brand new baby." Luke said as he pulled out his phone and showed her pictures of Beca and the baby, something that Jesse clearly hadn't done. Jesse and his lover watched the friendly banter between Luke and Cynthia Rose and wondered how much longer he was going to drag this out.

"She's beautiful!" Cynthia Rose cooed. "Never thought this asshole..." pointing toward Jesse, "... could help create such a perfectly, precious little princess."

"Asshole is right." Luke told her. "Do you know what these two were doing when I walked in?"

"No, but I have a feeling that I'm going to find out." Cynthia Rose looked between her two lead singers of The Riff and gently shook her head. "I've heard the rumors about the two of them."

Luke nodded, "I usually wouldn't show a lady this kind of picture so I apologize profusely about this."

"It's ok. I can take it."

Once again Luke showed Cynthia Rose his phone. The look of horror on her face was evident. "What the actual fuck is wrong with you two? I left you alone for ten fucking minutes and this is how you decided to occupy yourselves?"

Jesse and Stacie had the decency to look ashamed. Jesse's hands were shoved way down into his pockets while Stacie started to pick at the chipping nail polish on he fingernails.

"We can explain-" Jesse started.

Cynthia Rose put her perfectly manicured finger in the air. "No… you're both going to get out of my studio."

"But-"

"Right. Now." Cynthia Rose's voice dropped low. Stacie blinked a couple of times at the tone.

"Can we-"

"-Oh… it wasn't a suggestion." Cynthia Rose told them. "And don't come back until I say so. The record is on hold until further notice"

"What, why?"

"And I'll need some time to consider whether The Riff will need to find new representation."

"Hold on Cynthia Rose, we-"

"-I'll make sure that Carly in reception, as well as security, know not to let you in the building until I've made my decision. Gimme your building access badges now please." She said putting her hand out.

Jesse's head dropped in shame before reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. Handing over his badge to Cynthia Rose, he said, "I'm really sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it anymore Jesse. Do you realize you've just ruined your entire life with one -"

"-Cynthia Rose, don't you think that's a little harsh?" Stacie asked.

"Harsh? You think that was harsh? Let me tell you something sweetheart… this asshole mother fucker right here went to bat for your stupid ass and at the time I didn't really know why. Now I know that he did it so that he could get time alone with you while telling his very pregnant wife that he was working." Cynthia Rose turned to look at Jesse. "That's shitty Jesse. You've put me in the middle of your fucked up mess. Beca is my friend, a very dear friend… at least after this I hope that she's still my friend but I wouldn't blame her if she never spoke to me again. She put her everything into getting you this contract Jesse. Everything. And this is how you thank her? It's no secret I didn't want to take you on. But as a favor to her, I did and hoped my initial misgivings were to be unfounded. I see a hundred people like you each week. All talented. All capable. Beca said she saw something in you and she's given you more chances to start afresh and prove yourself than she should have. You have a baby together for goodness sake. An innocent, beautiful child. And this is how you thank Beca for her time, talent and love? As a man, you disgust me right now. If it wasn't working out as your producer, you should have owned up and got out of it before shacking up with Miss Thang over here. You-"

"-She's always nagging Jesse and wants to know where he is." Stacie whined. "She hoards sex like a fat kid hoards cake. It's her own fault that he-"

"-Don't you dare blame Beca for Jesse's stupidity! Not having sex with him over the last several months is probably the smartest thing she's ever done." Luke interrupted. "She has been faithful to him the entire time they've been together and this is the thanks she gets? You are a real piece of work!"

Stacie smiled. "Thanks!"

"It wasn't a compliment." Luke said with absolute disgust. "You do know that the red light outside the door doesn't mean the same thing that it means in a strip club… right?"

Stacie grinned. "Like what you see pretty boy?"

Luke curled his lip. "Go flick your bean with a fucking cactus you gannet chuffer manky chavvy minger slag!" Luke spat. His mother would kill him if she knew that he had spoken to a woman that way. Lucky for him, she'd never find out and it amused him greatly that Stacie didn't appear to understand his British insults.

Cynthia Rose stepped in. "Ok... that's enough! You two..." she said pointing to Jesse and Stacie. "... are on probation until I can figure out what to do with you. Legal is going to have a field day with this! Stacie… finish putting your damn clothes on, ain't nobody wants to see your fun bags or your holes-a-plenty. Luke… thanks for bringing this to my attention. I'm really sorry about what this is going to do to Beca."

"Me too." Luke said. "You!" He said pointing at Jesse. "... get your shit and let's get the fuck out of here."

"Jess… call me later." Stacie said with a wink as she shimmied her barely there panties up her long legs.

Luke had never hit a women, never even had the urge to do so but in that very moment, he realized and understood why some men do. Not that he was condoning any type of physical abuse but he finally understood why some men snapped. Before he could say anything, Cynthia Rose stepped in.

"Stacie… I said enough!" Cynthia Rose yelled. "Jesse, leave… now! Luke, we'll talk soon."

Luke nodded, grabbing hold of Jesse's arm and dragged him out of the studio, marching him down the hallway so fast that Jesse almost stumbled. When Luke saw a sign for the restroom, he shoved Jesse through the door and said, "Get your nasty ass in there and take a whore bath. You stink! And don't forget to brush your teeth!"

"I don't have a toothbrush with me." Jesse protested, coughing heartily.

"There's a toiletry dispenser on the wall knobhead."

As Luke watched Jesse wash his hands and face, he checked his phone. He was grateful that Beca hadn't messaged him yet. He really didn't want to lie to her or give her any false hope. He also didn't want to tell her what happened over the phone.

A few minutes later Luke and Jesse were walking back down the hallway toward the elevator. As they entered the elevator, Luke got a good look at Jesse's face. The bastard actually had the decency to look ashamed of himself. The elevator began its descent and stopped as several floors. Each time the doors opened, Luke hit the button to close the doors and told those waiting, "no room in this car." and simply ignored the loud mutterings he got in return.

Once on the ground floor, Luke pushed Jesse out of the elevator and closely followed, silently letting Jesse know that he wasn't going to let him get away from him. Luke resisted the urge to hold Jesse's arm as the cough that had started up in the restroom had a real hold on Jesse. As they walked past security, Jesse looked at the officers as if begging and willing them to help him but no one gave the two men a second glance. He knew that by now, Cynthia Rose would have alerted them to his probation and ban from the building. Sadly, he also knew that meant there was no getting out of this and that he needed to stop fighting it.

Instead he decided to focus his attention to what he was going to tell Beca and how he could explain what had happened so that she'd understand that it was a one off and the last time he'd do something like that ever again. Jesse wanted to laugh at his own stupidity as he knew, deep down in his gut, that there was no getting out of it this time. As they walked to towards the parking area, Jesse toyed with the idea of trying to take Luke's phone. Without the evidence to show Beca, it was all hearsay and he might be able to use Luke's devotion to Beca as a way of explaining that Luke hadn't seen what he thought he saw. But Jesse knew he'd never get Luke's phone from him. He had at least twenty pounds of pure muscle on Jesse.

When they got to the garage, Jesse reached in his pocket for his keys. He hoped he could get home before Luke and lock the doors before he arrived so he could explain things to Beca and hopefully fake the story enough so that she'd have doubts. He knew it was a long shot but he had a few tricks up his sleeve. He knew it was a cruel way of dealing with it but the desperation was kicking in as he saw his entire life slipping away from him.

"Oh no, you tall drink of shit… my car." Luke said, as Jesse fumbled with the keys in his hand. He wondered if Luke knew what was going through his mind. "Your car can stay here until it gets towed for all I care… then you can pay some sloppy, sweaty repo dude that smells of chicken fat and old grease to get it back." Luke told him.

Jesse just looked longingly at his car before pocketing his keys and following Luke.

Luke spent the drive back to the house reaming Jesse out for his actions and asking him if he knew what his philandering was going to do to Beca. Jesse had enough sense left in his head not to respond. He just sat there quietly taking the lumps that Luke was dishing out.

"You still stink! You're fucking drunk and you reek of sex, drugs and booze!" Luke told him as he put the windows down. If he could have gotten away with strapping Jesse to the roof of the car for ride he would have. He made a mental note to get his car detailed first thing the next morning and get the Swanson Stench out of his leather upholstery.

For Jesse, the short ride seemed to take forever and Luke's ranting wasn't helping matters at all. His head was pounding from the combination of alcohol and Luke's loud, clipped accent. His accent was dripping with sarcasm and he was using words Jesse had never heard before. As much as he hated to admit it, Luke was right. He had fucked up… and bad this time.

"She trusted you! She fucking trusted you! She's given you more chances than you deserve. This will ruin her… do you know that? Do you even care? And what about Lila? You selfish, horrid son of bitch! Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself? You have a daughter now, you plonker. How would you feel if someone did to Lila what you've done to Beca? You gormless knob jockey."

Again, Jesse was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. He could think of all the things that he wanted to say but there was no way he was going to allow it to exit his mouth. Wouldn't make any difference anyway… he was wrong and that's all there was to it. He just wished Luke would shut his mouth for two minutes so he could think of a suitable excuse to soften the blow to Beca.

Once they arrived back at the house and Luke parked by the gate in such a way that another car wouldn't have been able to get past, clearly anticipating Jesse taking one of the other cars in the driveway and leaving before Beca found out anything, Jesse was glad that it was almost over except that, without any warning at all, Luke was at his side of the car and was dragging him out of the car by his shirt collar.

Jesse protested loudly, shouting, "I just need a minute!" as his feet struggled to get a grip on anything.

"Are you dead from the neck up? You don't deserve a minute. You're going in there, right now, and you're going to come clean, do you understand me?"

Jesse nodded his head as Luke threatened him with bodily injury and/or death if he didn't tell Beca what had been going on. "It will be better for you in the long run if you come clean now. I warned you that you couldn't have your cake and eat it too. Beca and Lila deserve better than that and somewhere deep down in your selfish, black heart you know it too, you stupid, fucking wanker. They deserve better than you."

Jesse took a deep breath as he looked at the front door then back at Luke's very determined face. He knew his marriage was over this time. There was no way Beca would ever forgive him and there was certainly no way that she'd ever forget either. He looked at the stoic Luke for a few moments; his nemesis, the one he could never quite live up to, despite Beca assuring him that he was the one she wanted. He wondered if Luke would be the one to pick up the pieces when the shit in the fan in the next couple of minutes; he wasn't sure how he felt about it in that moment as the sweat began to drip down his back. He'd rather it be Luke than Amy or Aubrey. He thought about the crap-a-palooza with his dad and Chloe and how the heck he'd gotten involved with all of that. He thought about his son, the one he'd never gotten to met properly.

"Well… what are you waiting for you pansy ass? Get in there and confess."

Jesse shook the thoughts out of his mind and began the short walk to door. He turned and looked back at Luke as if to say "Can we just forget this ever happened?". But Luke wasn't in the mood and he knew if there was ever a case that someone could get away with murder… this was it.

The doorknob burned the skin on Jesse's hand. It was almost as if his was trying to burn a memory into his brain. He had walked through that door countless times and more than likely this would be the last time he ever did. This wave of guilt and regret hit him like a shit ton of bricks to the face. This was it…

 **o~O~o**

Beca had finished feeding Lila, taken a quick, hot shower and was just in the kitchen picking at some leftovers from dinner with Lila in her arms when she heard Luke's car pull into the driveway. He'd left the gates open at her request so that if Jesse had come home, the gates wouldn't wake the dogs. They didn't seem to bark at the sounds of the cars they recognized but the gates opening always elicited a little bit of excitement from them as they both loved the prospect of visitors.

Thinking Luke had come back for something he'd forgotten, she quickly looked through the den looking for something that was his. She thought it was strange as he could have gotten what he'd forgotten the next day when he came over but shrugged and decided not to think too much of it. She had just finished putting the dogs in the family room so Luke could make a quick exit when the front door opened.

Beca knew the minute that Jesse and Luke walked into the house that something wasn't right. She hadn't seen Jesse in over twenty four hours but he made no effort to greet her, apologize for not being in contact or even ask if she, or Lila were ok. And she knew Jesse. She could read him like a book. And if she was honest, deep down she knew something was off before that and they were both papering over the cracks until they could deal with whatever issue was going on. Seeing the looks on their faces as they walked in the front door confirmed her worst fears and Beca knew it was big, whatever it was.

Luke hurried across the room and took Lila gently from Beca's arms so that she and Jesse could talk. He tried to smile at her as he settled the sleeping baby into the crook of his arm but he couldn't so he just nodded at her instead. Beca wasn't really sure what was going on but she relinquished Lila to Luke as she somehow knew things were going to get ugly and quick, and Luke knew Lila didn't need a front row seat.

"Jess... are you ok? You look awful." Beca asked as she walked toward him. Surprisingly, Jesse had stepped back, away from Beca's advances. He actually had the decency to look ashamed.

Luke stood behind Beca, close enough that she could feel the heat coming from him. Looking at Jesse, he said, "You know what you have to do. Do it… now."

"What's going on Jesse?" Beca asked kindly. Jesse gulped hard. "Are you sick again? We can get through it, if you are."

"No, I... well, I... um, Luke said I needed... um, this is... um, well... I..." Jesse fumbled for words and suddenly found the stack of mail on the coffee table very interesting. Luke cleared his throat loudly. Jesse looked up at Luke and remembered what he needed to say.

Luke listened quietly as Jesse began to talk. He heard the words tumble from Jesse's mouth as it became clear that Jesse was suddenly suffering from diarrhea of the mouth as he confessed about not just one, but many affairs. He described in detail with whom he had spent his time with and admitted to drinking and smoking again. As soon as he started to confess, it seemed he wanted to get it all off of his chest. He kept his eyes on the floor the whole time as the revelations struck Beca's heart like little lightning bolts. Jesse's words were slowly but surely breaking Beca's heart and her spirit.

He continued to list all of his wrong doings, admitted to throwing a couple of parties in the house while Beca wasn't home and confessed to taking various women upstairs. He recalled the time that he'd nearly been caught, when Beca had come home a little early and he'd just changed the sheets on the bed and revealed that he'd lied when he said it had been Jagger cocking his leg on the sheets.

Throughout the whole conversation, Beca remained steadfastly silent. She hadn't taken her eyes off of his face as he reeled off his list of indiscretions and Luke watched as each word took a little piece of her with it. He watched as her heart broke into a thousand pieces and her soul seemed to shatter as she listened to her husband confess. She watched as Jesse ran his hand through his hair, signaling the end of his speech.

When Jesse finally looked up and saw Beca's face, he was shocked. He moved closer and tried to embrace Beca but she stepped back towards Luke, not wanting him anywhere near her, let alone touching her. She felt Luke's presence and soaked in his strength as she tried to comprehend Jesse's lies and divulgements. She didn't know quite what to say to him but he was clearly waiting for her to speak. She willed herself to stay strong but slapped him hard across the face anyway and asked him in the quietest of voices "How could you?"

Jesse didn't have an answer. Part of him, the part that still loved her, wanted to say anything to take away the hurt look on her face, the pain in her eyes and the stoop to her stance. What could he say that would help the situation? The truth was, there wasn't anything that could be said or done that would make the blow that he had just dealt Beca any easier to take. His laundry list of excuses wasn't going to get him off the hot seat.

Growing impatient with the situation, Beca took a deep breath and then in the most graceful manner and the same quiet voice as she had used before, which surprised even Luke, she took a half step towards her husband, moving in front of her baby and told Jesse to, "Get out."

The air turned thick with emotion and Luke held his breath and pulled the baby in his arms closer to him. He didn't want her to witness anything ugly in the first few days of her life and hated that she had to hear all of her father's imperfections, even though she would never remember any of it.

As the words filtered through Jesse's muddled brain, he turned and walked away without a second look back. Without asking to talk in private, without asking to see Lila one last time, without a proper apology, he just tucked his tail between his legs and left. As the door closed quietly behind him, Beca stared at the door half expecting Jesse to walk back in and beg for forgiveness. Jesse never came back, the door never opened, the space where he'd stood and filled her head with the truth about their marriage was never refilled with her husband… that's when Beca fell to her knees, tears falling down her face as she fell apart.

 **"Jesse is over and where can I turn?**  
 **Covered with scars I did nothing to earn.**  
 **Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn**  
 **But that wouldn't change the fact,**  
 **That wouldn't speed the time,**  
 **Once the foundation's cracked**  
 **And I'm…**  
 **Still hurting"**


End file.
